


Leviathan Rising

by slingzarrowz



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergent, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Original Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Romance, Sex, Violence, rivetra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 18:49:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 195,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18900541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slingzarrowz/pseuds/slingzarrowz
Summary: Levi and Petra are attempting a relationship, something more than captain and subordinate. Assigned to an easy job in Wall Sina, they have three days to get to know one another better. What at first seems like a fairy tale vacation gradually changes, as Levi is pulled back into his old life in the underground. With Petra involved, conspirators all around, and a mission to complete, Levi must decide where he belongs...and with whom.





	1. Chapter 1

Petra woke from a good dream into an even better reality. By the time she’d fallen asleep in her captain’s arms, exhausted, the sun had barely entered the room. That had been a few hours before. The chamber was now bright, and the commotion outside meant that the rest of the inn had been awake for some time. The Survey Corps would be heading home today, leaving the capital of Mitras and going south to Wall Rose. Petra had good sense, and knew getting out of this bed and somehow back into her own room was essential. But she couldn’t move, not while he was still asleep beside her.

They were both still naked, and Petra watched the rise and fall of Levi’s chest. She nestled closer against him, their foreheads touching, and felt the steady puff of his breath against her neck. When she slid her arm around his waist, he gave a grunt. He didn’t wake, though. Normally, the captain was as easy to rouse as a jumpy cat.

But after the ball the previous evening, and the exertions between them during the early morning, he was lodged deep in a satisfied slumber. Petra’s body tingled at the thought that she’d given him such a good rest. She opened one eye, and gazed at him. Many girls in her training year had thought Captain Levi unattractive. “His features aren’t manly” one had scoffed. “His nose and chin are too thin. His eyebrows are delicate. He’s like…like an ugly woman.” Well, Petra couldn’t help that some people had no taste. She kissed the tip of his nose. Levi’s mouth twitched, but he still didn’t wake. Everything about him was perfect.

She’d slept with the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. The space between her legs was pleasantly sore. It’d been his first time, yes, and he hadn’t been technically masterful. But every inch of her skin seemed to thrum, remembering the path his lips and hands had taken over her body. The way his cock had filled her. They had so much time to teach each other what they liked.

Petra had woken beside men before. She would look at them, still asleep, and her mind would fill with questions. Should she get up? Pretend to still sleep? Hope they’d leave without waking her? Would they want to have sex again before getting dressed? Whenever the bells would chime, ordering the soldiers up and out of the barracks, she’d be secretly relieved. Nothing had made her feel more awkward than the shy small talk the morning after sex, allowing the men to fumble with her breasts and touch her between her legs. Letting them murmur how sexy she was into her ear, wondering if she should lie and say she thought the same of them. Petra was naturally agreeable, and ordering men out of her room had never been easy for her. She’d felt guilty for not enjoying making love to them. She’d been a freak.

Now, all she wanted was to stay in bed with the man opposite her. If anyone walked in, they’d be mortified. But Levi had locked the door.

Petra sighed as she felt herself grow heavy between her legs. She throbbed, her body desperate for him. Leaning over, she kissed his temple, her lips covering part of his eyebrow as well. He murmured again, and moved. Petra’s hand glided up and down his side. She loved the feel of him in the morning, his skin, his well-muscled physique. Her hand trailed along the hard, perfect line of his stomach, and her breath caught in her throat when her fingers touched the hair at his sex.

“Wha?” Levi’s eyes opened. Pale gray, they found hers. Petra’s heart sped up as he watched her, blinking awake. He propped himself up on an elbow.

“Um. Good morning, L—sir.” Petra’s breath faltered. His black hair was rumpled up on the side of his head. His look was as flat and affectless as ever. One would’ve thought he’d woken from a short nap, a deep sleep after losing his virginity. Petra quailed a little, rolling onto her back. He’d said he loved her this morning, but in the rush of sex and hormones…

“Petra.” His brow furrowed. “What’d I tell you?”

“About what, sir?”

He leaned over, took her face in his hand. His eyes were flinty. “Call me Levi. Especially now, makes me feel awkward as shit if you call me “sir” in bed.”

Secretly, she liked calling him sir in bed, but that didn’t matter right now. Petra giggled, and Levi’s expression softened.

“Thought you might’ve changed your mind,” he grumbled, then kissed her cheek. Her temple. Her neck. Petra slid hands through his fine black hair and closed her eyes.

“Never. I thought…well, the same as you.”

“Hmm. Guess we need to practice more. Get used to it.” He lay down on top of her, and Petra felt his cock stirring against her thigh. She kissed his face, the line of his jaw, relishing in the faint rasp of stubble. He was always so clean-faced, she’d half-believed he didn’t need to shave. He was meticulous about his appearance, of course. As expected. She bit down on his earlobe, and her thighs clenched to hear him groan.

“You’re a distraction, brat.” He spoke softly, and kissed her. Petra became lost in him, wrapping her legs around his waist. Just a few more inches, and he’d be inside of her. She was so slippery, he’d glide in with ease. Petra hitched her leg up higher, desperate for it. She grabbed his ass, and he grunted in reply. “You really are bold. Always thought you were the sweet one in the group.”

“I am,” she purred in his ear. “But I’m more than that.”

“Yeah, I’m learning.” He kissed her again, and again, and— “Wait. Shit. What time is it?”

It was like snuffing out a candle flame. One instant, her captain’s naked body was flush with her own. The next, he was sitting up on his knees above her, looking stern. His erect cock was already wilting. Petra pushed herself up on her elbows, and swiped the hair from her eyes.

“I’m not sure. I’d guess almost noon?”

“ _Shit_. Erwin wanted everyone on the road by quarter past. We’re gonna hold everything up.”

And that was that. He went to the wash basin, poured water, and started to clean himself. Levi ran hands through his hair and fished around in his pack for his uniform. Within minutes he was half-dressed, buttoning up his shirt, smoothing any telltale wrinkles, and tying his cravat while Petra still sat in a half stupor from the suddenness of it all. Levi glanced over his shoulder at her. The cold, imperious look was back on his face. He frowned, as if trying to work out how she’d gotten here.

“Petra. Get up, get dressed, and go pack. We’re not delaying things so you can hang around.”

“Sir.” She didn’t use his name. Her lover wasn’t here anymore; her captain was. Petra smoothed back her hair, tried to think. She’d already known that he could compartmentalize his emotions with frightening efficiency. He could embrace her one moment, give orders the next. But it still made her feel off kilter.

“What, Petra?” He stood before her, slipping into his brown Survey Corps jacket. She sat up on her knees, and noticed that she unconsciously covered her breasts with the sheet.

“I know we’re in a hurry, but when would you like to…talk to the Commander?” He continued to watch her through half-lidded eyes. “About…what’s happened?”

Silence.

“Petra, what do you think I’m rushing for?” He looked her in the eyes. “I’m going to talk to Erwin now, before we leave.”

“Oh.” She dropped the sheet, and was naked before him. This time, he didn’t seem to notice.

“You surprised?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“I. Maybe.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t sneak around. That’s for children. I want you. I want him to tell me how to make that possible. That’s it.”

He was, as always, conscientious to an extreme.

“Oh. I see. You don’t waste time.”

“I don’t take half a shit. When I do something, I finish it.” Petra shut her eyes and shook her head. As always, he had a colorful way with words. “Petra. If you’re still not sure, then tell me now. But I know what I want,” he growled. She looked up to see that tight wariness in his face again. He was afraid, she realized. Afraid that she’d be less enthusiastic, that she’d have any doubts. That she’d want time to think. Petra sat up high on her knees, and slipped her arms around his neck.

“Go tell him right now. I can’t wait any longer.”

His blank expression did not change, but his eyes widened slightly. With a short gasp, Levi kissed her, running his hands up and down her back. Petra broke the kiss, and he stepped away.

“Get ready. We leave soon.” His voice was hoarse as he went to the door. He touched the handle, but looked back. “No regrets.” He said it as if to assure himself. Petra beamed.

“Never.”

His eyes tracked down her body once more, and this time the corner of his mouth lifted. A quick smile, but it was there.

“Fucking gorgeous,” he muttered, as if to himself. Then he left, closing the door firmly behind him. Petra flung herself back onto the bed, and giggled at the ceiling.

***

Erwin Smith understood most things, but he did not understand the card in his hand. He’d been up since seven, sending letters to contacts at the ball last night, thanking them for the generous promise of funds, subtly reminding them to make those funds available to the Survey Corps sooner rather than later. He had had word from Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police himself, who’d sniffily informed Erwin that they still had much to discuss about the events of the previous night. Erwin could handle all these things quickly, coolly, and with no concern.

After all, he knew men and how to handle them.

But this card that had been left on his desk, its envelope blank…this he did not understand. The card itself was so…

Odd. Unsettling, even. It wasn’t a thank you note, not a letter. It didn’t seem to have any message at all.

So why had it been left for him? Who had left it?

He started as someone knocked at his door.

“Come in.” Erwin shook his head. He placed the card on the desk, tucking it under some papers as Levi entered. Erwin smiled. Honestly, he’d been surprised to be told that Levi was still asleep earlier this morning. Well, the man’d earned his rest. “Ah. Levi. Is everyone ready to leave?”

“Saw Hange in the hallway. She’s nursing a bitch of a hangover, but Moblit’s got her. Mike and Nanaba are downstairs. Marlene, too. The rest of the brats should be ready soon.” Levi leaned his back against the door, as if assuring himself it was firmly closed. Then he crossed over to Erwin’s desk, and started picking up papers and dropping them again. He didn’t read them, merely rested his eyes on the contents and then tossed them away. As Erwin watched, Levi paced to the window, hands behind his back.

“So we should be ready for a speedy departure?”

“If anyone’s late, they’ll get their ass kicked.” Levi left the window, moved over to Erwin’s dresser. There, he touched two of the handles, then went to the bed. Levi placed his hand on one of the bed’s posters, then returned to the desk to shuffle through more papers.

“Levi.” Erwin blinked. “You’re fidgeting.”

“Huh?” He dropped an envelope and glared with accusatory gray eyes. “I don’t fidget. Don’t give me that shit.”

“I agree, it’s unlike you. Something must be troubling you.” Erwin crossed his arms. “Is something the matter?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” That was blunt, and sounded honest. But the way he’d phrased it…

“So nothing’s wrong, but something’s the matter.”

“Tch.” The captain’s eyes darted across the room. He unfolded his arms, shoved hands into his trench coat pockets. Levi’s leg jiggled. His entire body seemed to vibrate with tension. “Trust you to get picky about words.”

“I’ve never seen you like this. Tell me.”

“I.” Levi looked up, and Erwin could have fallen backwards with shock. There was the glint of fear in the captain’s eyes.

“Is this about the ball?”

“No. Yes. I mean, about… Shit, Erwin, something happened when we came back to the inn.”

Erwin pulled his shoulders straight. He had never seen his captain look so lost before. Whatever plagued the man, Erwin would lay his soul on the line to right it.

“What?”

“Well. It. I was in the stable, and then.” Levi blinked, twisted his mouth up. “I had sex,” he said.

“Oh.” Erwin blinked slowly. The image of Levi doing anything as unsanitary as sex was…almost unsettling. “In…in the stables?” If this was headed in any sort of bestial direction…

“No, we came back from the stables and fucked.” Levi ran a hand down his face. “Petra. It was Petra. I fucked her.”

“I see.” Erwin did not see, however, what reaction Levi wanted from him. Was this a confession of guilt? Perhaps Levi had heard that this was how men bonded with one another, by telling stories of their conquests. It would not surprise Erwin if this were an attempt on his captain’s part to be normal. Levi and normality were so casually acquainted, after all. Erwin also couldn’t quite put the image together: Levi, surly and snarling, and that wide-eyed little redhead of his. Really, sleeping with a direct subordinate was a bad idea, but Erwin imagined Levi already knew that. The captain’s pained expression made Erwin realize that this was not about bragging—this had to be about penance. Levi felt guilty. He’d forsaken the hierarchy of command, his animal instincts getting the better of him. Levi was a slave to control, proud of it. To realize he was only a man with typical appetites must be something of a letdown. Erwin smiled.

“I needed to tell you about it.” Levi looked up.

“You mustn’t worry. You’re not the first to do something like this. I’ve had suspicions regarding Mike and Nanaba for ages.”

“Suspicions?” Levi tsked. “If that’s what you wanna call it.”

Erwin laughed, the warmth of relief flooding him. “I was afraid you’d murdered someone. You looked that grim. Don’t trouble yourself over it. I would prefer you sleep with women who aren’t under your direct command, but I’m sure the pair of you will get past it. You wouldn’t be the first, as I’ve said. If time passes and you still find it awkward, we can see about transferring her, but I’m sure it won’t come to that. Don’t look so horrified.” Erwin placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder, felt the tension in the smaller man’s body. “In our line of work, Levi, everyone needs to release pressure. Scratch an itch. You’ve always had such monastic habits, I didn’t even know if you had the urge to… Never mind.” Going much further would be rude, after all. Erwin moved around the desk. “Just don’t let it happen again.”

“Erwin. You don’t understand.”

Erwin looked up to find Levi’s face blank with amazement. It was disconcerting how young his captain looked without that surly expression.

“What do you mean?”

“Petra. I slept with her, but not because I was horny. I mean, I was horny, but it wasn’t just that. Shit.” Levi placed his hands on the desk, leaned forward. “I.” And then, one of the most disconcerting things Erwin had ever seen occurred. Levi smiled. It was a full smile, not a smirk or a sardonic leer. It looked _wrong_ , like the rictus grin of a titan. “I love her.”

_I love her._

Nile and Erwin had been down by the river after training one day, talking about Marie—about the woman Erwin loved, though he’d never show it. He could still recall the idiotic grin on Nile’s face as he confessed. “I love her, Erwin,” he’d said. That love, that drug, had rendered him useless. Soon, his dream had changed. The Survey Corps, the bold future, vanished before Nile’s eyes. Marie’s face blocked its path.

Everything changed when a man fell in love. His priorities changed.

Levi was in love.

The two of them, working late into the night, heads bent together in conference. Erwin’s dream had bolstered Levi’s; it was a shared dream, the bond of brotherhood deeper than anything Erwin had ever known. As the years passed, and as hope of a marriage and family slipped further away from him, Erwin had stood with Levi at his side and the pain had lessened. Sex could be bought and sold, same as a massage, with very similar physiological effects. Erwin had paid for sex, one way or another, when he needed it. Love did not have to be tied to lust. Erwin knew that well.

The love, the shared love of a dream, had bound him and Levi as closely as two people in a marriage. Love united them as one.

And now Levi was _in_ love.

Erwin could see the shadow of that little redhead in his peripheral vision. She was a good girl, Petra Ral. He knew that well enough. He admired her. But she was still a woman, and a woman needed things from a man. Even if she were the sweetest, most understanding creature alive, she would siphon off Levi’s focus in little sips. Would he still be fearless in battle? Would he charge ahead towards that dream, the light that Erwin saw over the lip of the horizon? Would he wish for humanity’s salvation with that same utter selflessness? Or would he become lost in his lover’s eyes, see the glimmer of a home and children?

_I never thought, Levi, that you would tell me this._

_I never thought, Levi, that you would triumph in love when I can’t._

“Erwin, what do you think?” Levi appeared shocked. “You look like you’re taking a shit.”

“Hmm? I’m sorry. It’s a lot to absorb.” Erwin smoothed a hand through his hair. “It feels like it just happened, out of nowhere.”

“Yeah. Last night, she found me in the stables. It just…happened. Like you said.” Levi set his jaw. Something bold crackled in his eyes. “We talked. We’re ready to do whatever you think we should. Petra will transfer, if that’s what you want. Tell me what you think, Erwin. How should we act?”

The absolute trust in his voice. Levi would do what Erwin said, whatever he said. And some voice from the animal back of his brain, where Erwin kept memories of his father and the secret, selfish desires that no one else could even imagine, that voice gleefully hissed to tell Levi to toss this girl aside.

“Levi.” Erwin tried to balance his thoughts. “Are you certain about this?”

“What do you mean?”

There was no delicate way to put it. “Was she your first experience?”

The twitch of Levi’s mouth answered before he did. “Yeah.”

That was not a surprise.

“I want you, both of you, to be sure.”

Expressions warred for dominance on Levi’s face. Finally, his body became less rigid. He leaned more weight on his hands.

“We are. I’ve known for a long time, but now…it’s what you told me years ago, Erwin. No regrets. Well. This is the only way I can know, right now, I won’t regret anything.”

Levi had carried Erwin’s words in his heart, sacred as a prayer. Erwin felt a pang, the happy buzz of affection and sting of jealousy in one. Erwin wanted to believe that duty and love could sit comfortably side by side in this good man’s heart. In a way that they could not, not ever, in Erwin’s.

Could he do it? Erwin’s mind groped for a plan. Any plan.

“I see. In that case.” Erwin looked down at the desk, and his eyes alighted upon a letter. The plan clicked into place. “I need you to stay on here in Mitras for a few days.”

Levi blinked. “Huh?”

“Siegfried Morgenstern promised three thousand in gold. We need to resupply with horses, equipment, a total overhaul of gear… We need the gold urgently, before the expedition next month. He writes that we will have it, but it will take a few days to settle the account with his banker. He’ll send the money to the inn.”

“Why not just have them send it to Trost?”

“I don’t trust a sum like this on the road, not without my own soldiers overseeing it. I need you, Levi, to wait for the money and then bring it back with you.”

Levi frowned. “If it’s an order, you just have to tell me. But I’m not sure why you need me when Hange could spare Moblit, or Nifa—”

“I was thinking that you could keep Petra with you, to help.” Off Levi’s blank look, Erwin elaborated. “Stay here, the pair of you, at the inn and wait. Your sole duty is to bring the money back. Think of it as a small holiday. And when you both return to the barracks, if you still want Petra transferred…” Erwin nodded. “We’ll talk further.”

Levi stood fully upright, hands relaxed by his sides. A look of sheer amazement stole over his face. Those moments of astonishment really were too rare.

Again, that titan grin stole over him. It vanished almost at once.

“I understand. Erwin, we’ll get it done. You have my word.”

“Good. Go give Petra her new orders, then oversee everyone’s departure. I have a few more notes to write, so.” Erwin sat down behind the desk again. Levi nodded, and marched for the door. He paused to look at Erwin once again.

“Thanks, Erwin. You beautiful bastard.”

Erwin couldn’t help but laugh as his captain left the room. He settled back in his chair, gazing out the window into the distance. The noon sun glinted on the snow-lined streets, and the city bells pealed the time.

_I love her._

His jaw set, and he realized too late that he’d crushed a letter in his hand, crumpled it into a ball. Erwin shook his head, tossed the note, and started on another to replace it.

From the moment he’d cornered Levi in the underground all those years ago, he had known a man weighed down by ugliness. Levi had been raised in squalor and shit, hadn’t believed there was anything outside of it until he was nearing thirty. Only a monster would look at a man who’d spent over three decades in some kind of emotional torment, and hope to deny him love. And there was no physical lust between he and Levi. Erwin did not _want_ his captain, not in that way. But he wanted him always near, always fixated on that same spot in the horizon. He wanted Levi close in the way a spouse does. Occasionally, and Erwin could scarce understand it himself, let alone articulate it, but occasionally he felt that some kind of thread was tied between the pair of them, Levi and him. Some invisible twine that vibrated no matter how far apart the two were from one another.

What if this girl broke that almost magical connection?

Erwin studied Nile’s note again. The distance in it. Their brotherhood had smashed to bits as soon as Marie fluttered her eyelashes.

_I cannot go through that again._

So. He would wait, and see what three days together did for his captain and his soldier. Erwin imagined they would probably grow closer…or, perhaps, further apart. Levi was a difficult man, no matter how much one admired him.

Erwin prayed he was hoping for the happier situation, the former option. He prayed he did not want to see the downfall of Levi’s joy. Erwin already loathed himself enough.

Erwin collected his papers, organized them on his desk. He picked up that card once more. It was small, nearly the size of a playing card. One side was blank, and the other… On the other side of the card, someone had painted a red handprint. That was all. The red was as scarlet and vivid as blood. Erwin stood, studied the card as he took it over to the crackling fireplace.

It had been waiting for him in a blank envelope. No name. Nothing.

Erwin tossed the card into the fire, watched the red handprint curl and turn to ash.

If someone was playing a joke on him, no harm done. And if someone was looking to cause him trouble… Well. They would not be the first.

Not remotely.


	2. Chapter 2

“What do you mean you’re staying here? Why does Captain Levi need you to carry a sack of money?” Oruo huffed as he followed Petra around like an irritable duckling trailing its mother. She felt pecked by questions as she negotiated the Survey Corps’ bustle. The inn courtyard was frenetic with bodies loading themselves onto horses, soldiers arguing with one another about who’d danced better last night, new recruits still reeling from all the drink at the ball.

“Oruo, I told you, the _Commander_ ordered us to stay.” Petra tried to keep her voice annoyed and easy, like nothing was unusual. She hoped Oruo didn’t notice her flushed cheeks, or the grin she couldn’t always suppress. Three days here with the captain. With Levi. Commander Erwin was the most wonderful man. No wonder Levi was so devoted to him.

Oruo slipped around in front of her, and Petra nearly barreled into his chest. She peeked up at him, a bit nervous. Oruo crossed his arms, and furrowed his brow. He wasn’t letting this go.

“But Eld’s second in command. Tch. Makes no sense.”

Petra tried to think fast. In the end, all she could manage was, “Right. It makes a lot more sense to have one squad leader with you all, and another up here. Why would the Commander keep both of them in Mitras? It’d be pointless.”

Oruo appeared mollified, but then frowned again. “Still. Why _you_?”

She was ready to murder him, which meant things were pretty normal between them.

“Because we need to count up the funds, and I’m better at math than you. That’s why.”

“You are not!”

“What’s five times seven?”

“ _Fine._ ” Oruo raised an eyebrow. “But Gunther’s better at it than both of us.”

Well. True.

“And the Commander didn’t pick him. I don’t know why.”

“Tch. Figures you’d get picked. Three days of hanging around the capital, sleeping in.” If Petra had her way, there wouldn’t be much sleep, but she wasn’t going to tell Oruo that.

“I guess I’m just lucky.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Oruo’s mouth dipped into a frown, deepening the lines around his mouth. Honestly, how could someone so young look so old? She’d never been able to figure it out.

“Are you worried about something?” Her heart picked up pace as he gave her a look that was almost…sad.

“Tch. About what?” he said defensively. Oruo scuffed the toe of his boot on the ground. “Suppose I don’t like it when we’re all not together. If you’re staying, I feel like we all should.”

“And spend more of the Survey Corps’ money on rooms?” But Petra’s heart constricted a little at the disappointed look on Oruo’s face. He thought they were all parting for the next few days. He didn’t know that soon, they’d never be a team again.

Never again. The idea struck her like an arrow to the heart. Petra jolted with the thought of it. She’d still be in the Corps, but she’d be assigned to Hange or Mike, or maybe Dirk. She’d no longer be at Levi’s back, protecting him. And…she’d no longer spend all those hours laughing with the boys, jeering at something stupid that Oruo said, playing cards with Gunther and working on new ODM techniques with Eld. They weren’t just her squad; they were her family. And soon, she’d be parted from that kind of connection. They’d still get a drink at the tavern together, still swap stories in the mess, but that closeness would dissipate over time, naturally. Someone else would take her place, be Levi’s fifth. The fingers on a hand, that’s how he described them. Levi had been adamant that he would only ever have four on his own personal squad.

Someone else would be his fifth, and Petra would be his lover. That feeling of complete unity would be lost forever.

And what if…what if, somehow, this affair fizzled out? If she lost her home and family for a few weeks of good sex, only to realize that she’d sacrificed what they had—what they truly had—in the name of lust.

“Petra? Whoa, Pet?” Oruo rarely used her childhood nickname. He touched her shoulder. “Are you…crying?”

Petra felt the tears streak down her face. Shit. Idiot, to let him see something was wrong. Petra hurriedly wiped her cheeks.

“Uh, I guess I just feel kind of guilty,” she mumbled, hoping he wouldn’t ask more questions. “About…about staying here.”

“Tch. Eh, women. So emotional.” Oruo, the pig. He was trying to get a rise out of her, get her angry at him. Make her feel better. Well, it worked. Giving an indignant noise, she elbowed him hard in the side. That, at least, calmed her. “Ow! Well, don’t worry. You’ll be home soon.”

Home. Yes, she would be home soon, but she’d also left it behind forever. After last night, there was no going back.

Afraid the tears would come again, Petra stood on her toes and hugged Oruo around the neck. He gave a surprised grunt, but then returned the hug. He gave a small chuckle, and Petra closed her eyes tight as she pressed her cheek to his shoulder.

“Just promise me we’ll always…” She didn’t know what to say.

“Always what?”

“Petra! Stop trying to jump Oruo’s bones.” Eld chortled as he and Gunther strode over, belting their military trench coats against the chill. “I know you two can’t bear to be apart.” The blond, handsome young man stood beside Oruo, and grinned at the both of them. Gunther, as usual, stood in Eld’s shadow and said nothing.

“How’d you know I was waiting for the opportunity?” Petra drawled, releasing Oruo.

“Yeah!” Oruo said, though his voice broke and he snuck a glance at her. Oruo, of course, would’ve been delighted if Petra were secretly trying to get closer to him. Again, her stomach dropped at the thought. Oruo would soon be disappointed in that hope. Petra’d known, in a quiet and unspoken way, that Oruo had yearned for her since they were kids. Her heart sank to think of it. Everyone would be so shocked, and disappointed, and hurt…

“Don’t stay away too long.” Eld clapped her on the shoulder. “Also, try to get the captain out to see the sights. If he has his way, he’ll be drilling you in the courtyard until the money shows up. Remember, you can never afford to slack off.” Yes, one of Levi’s favorite sayings, though Eld had removed all the profanity.

“Maybe the captain’ll relax while we’re here,” Petra said. Or, at the very least, drill her in private. Even now, with the heaviness of leaving the squad weighing on her, the simple idea of being alone with Levi made her body flush, her thighs clench. Petra sighed and shut her eyes. She was hopeless.

“Be safe on the road. We’ll see you in a few days.” Petra narrowed her eyes at the three men—the three boys on her squad. Didn’t matter how many expeditions they’d been on together, they’d always be boys to her. Just as she’d always be “their girl,” as Eld had called her once. Their girl. Not for much longer. Petra felt her chin wobble. Shit, she couldn’t cry. “Listen. Eld. I.”

“What?” Then, he made a surprised noise when Petra hugged him. She gripped Gunther by his shirtfront and dragged him into the huddle. Oruo hovered on the edge. “Petra, what’s going on with you?”

“She just started crying.” Oruo sounded increasingly worried. “Are you sick, Pet?”

“I’m.” She had to think fast. She shut her eyes tight. “Um. It’s my…time of the month.”

Collectively, the boys made a horrified sound. At least they softened up on her, though. Eld returned the hug, Gunther patted her shoulder, and Oruo blustered behind her. Petra made sure not to cry when Eld set her down.

“Relax. I know you hate to be away from me, but we’ll be together again soon.” Oruo sniffed and fluffed at his cravat.

_This is the last time we’ll be a team. A family._

“I know.” Petra smiled, and studied them all standing in a circle together. Still squad mates, at least for this moment. “You’d better get going. The captain’ll kill you if you’re the reason the Corps is late.”

“She’s right.” Gunther squeezed her shoulder. “See you soon, Petra.”

Gunther, of all of them, might have been able to keep her secret and have a conversation. But she couldn’t, not just yet. Levi had told her that they were to get this mission done, talk to Erwin, and then, only and finally then could they tell the squad. It was fair, but it still hurt. Petra watched the boys walk away from her, Oruo saying something loud and obnoxious while the other two talked over him to each other. Petra tried to smile.

It was hard to say goodbye.

“Where were _you_ this morning?” Petra started as Nifa sidled up to her, and whispered in her ear.

Oh, it was going to be impossible to keep this a secret from Nifa. And besides, Petra had told her enough already…

“I was out. Doing things.” Petra smiled slyly.

“Does this thing have a name?” Nifa grinned, and clapped her hands over her mouth.

“I didn’t say yes.”

“When are you going to tell me everything?”

“When I get home. I have to stay here for a few days on a mission for the Commander.”

“Anyone else staying with you?”

Petra raised an eyebrow. “I’m helping Captain Levi.”

“Yes, I’m sure you’ll give him a real helping hand.” Nifa made a vulgar gesture, but she did it discreetly. Petra snorted, and bit her own tongue. “Don’t worry, no one else is going to know.”

“Good. Because right now, there’s nothing _to_ know.”

“And when is that going to change?”

“I’ll see you in a few days,” Petra said in a singsong voice, and walked away. She grinned to hear Nifa cackle behind her. All the pain of goodbyes, all the questions of what came next, that could all wait. What mattered was that she and the captain—Levi—were going to be alone soon enough. Petra saw the captain and Commander Erwin standing in the inn’s doorway, discussing something. Levi had his arms crossed, and the commander noticed Petra. He nodded at her, his face neutral and unreadable. Petra smiled at him and nodded back, hoping she didn’t blush too hard. Erwin Smith moved away, and Levi gazed at her as she drew nearer.

“Petra. Everyone loaded? The rookies ready to go?” He spoke to her with the clipped efficiency of their everyday working relationship. She hadn’t expected anything else, not with everyone around them.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” He looked around at the courtyard, his demeanor as impartial and cool as ever. Petra’s stomach twisted a bit as she watched the others leave. The Commander, astride his white horse, gave the signal, and as one the Survey Corps got into formation and poured out through the inn’s courtyard gate. Petra waved as Oruo and the other guys whistled a goodbye. Soon, the last of the stragglers had gone. It was her, and Levi. Just them. She turned to him, wet her lips. He continued to look at the gate, watching as the Corps left them behind and made their way down the capital’s main boulevard.

“What should we—” she began, but he cut her off abruptly.

“Come on. We need to check about the money.”

Petra tailed him into the inn’s lobby, up to the desk. There, a well-coiffed woman with a bright smile calmly discussed the situation with the captain. Yes, Commander Smith had left instructions with them. No, the captain was not expected to collect the money himself. The bank would bring it here, and then the captain would be permitted to inspect it, count it, and take it away. No, Captain Levi had nothing left to worry himself about. The money was supposed to be there in two days or so, but until it arrived he was at complete liberty.

“Also, per the Commander’s instructions, your new room is ready.” She smiled at Levi. New room? Petra’d assumed…

Well, that they’d still have their old rooms. Sneak between them.

“Would you both come with me, please?” The woman’s eyes latched onto Petra for one mere second, then darted away. She came out from behind the desk and gestured for the two of them to follow her upstairs. “Your luggage has been brought from your old rooms. We hope you enjoy your stay,” the woman said coolly. She stopped outside a door, producing an iron key from her front apron pocket. Levi said nothing, so Petra followed his example. The woman opened the door, handed Levi the key—giving one quick, surreptitious glance at Petra—and walked back down the hall.

Petra followed her captain inside the room, and her mouth dropped.

It was large, probably the inn’s largest. To the left, an entire sitting area was arranged, two armchairs, a sofa, a coffee table. Directly in front of them waited a large, four poster bed. Unlike Levi’s bed, which had been a bit cramped for two, here they’d have ample room to…sleep. Someone had laid a fire in the hearth. The room actually came with its own _hearth_. Petra’s fingers and cheeks tingled after the cold half hour she’d spent outside, and she stepped up to the fireplace to warm her palms. Levi closed the door behind him, scanning the surroundings with an impartial expression. There were three large bay windows, the curtains drawn. The day was bright, lightening the cream-papered walls. Petra saw a wardrobe to her right, and a door beside it. She opened the door, and found a wash room with a large, claw-footed bathtub in the center.

They had their own washing room. This was an extravagance beyond anything Petra had ever known.

“The Survey Corps funds shouldn’t be used for this,” she breathed, feeling lightheaded. Her voice echoed.

“Trust me, Erwin wouldn’t. He paid for this out of his own pocket.”

Petra shut the door and turned back to her captain. He stood before the fire, hands in his pockets, and gazed into the crackling flames.

“Why would he do something so…amazing?”

“If you really knew him, you wouldn’t ask that question.” It wasn’t an admonishment. Levi was just distant, thoughts speeding somewhere far away from this room. Levi was many things, but not dreamy. Seeing him like this was almost unsettling. Petra imagined that his thoughts had followed after the Commander, trailing the man and his horse down the long road back to Wall Rose. She felt suddenly alone in here. And very shy.

“So,” she murmured, and stepped nearer. Only one step; she didn’t want to be too forward. Levi finally turned. He did not smile, or beckon for her.

“So,” he said. “The woman said we’ve got two days off.”

“Yes.”

“How should we spend the time?”

His gaze held hers. Did he want her to answer? Petra hoped she didn’t appear confused. As the seconds ticked past, she was less and less sure of what to do with her hands, her body…

“Come here,” Levi said. Petra moved on instinct, obeying the order. She walked over, and he grabbed her. His arms locked tight around her body, and his mouth was hard on hers. Petra gasped with the shock, opening her mouth to him. Their tongues clashed. Petra shut her eyes and embraced him him, one hand teasing at his undercut, the other firm around his shoulders. Levi broke from her violently, gripped her by the collar of her jacket to hold her still. Then, he slid it from her shoulders, immediately folding and placing it by a chest at the foot of the bed. He turned back to her, still unsmiling, and unbuttoned her shirt with all the focus of a man in the heat of battle. Petra stood, dazed, as he stripped it, undid her bra. Then, when she was naked from the waist up, he kissed her lips, her cheeks, every inch of her face that he could get. There was nothing tender and fumbling like this morning. He was a man who always fulfilled his objectives, and right now he wanted her.

Petra could tell, from the urgency, that he wanted her a lot. She moaned against his lips, and he grunted in reply. She quickly started stripping him as well, fumbling with his buttons and cravat. She had to make certain to fold everything, though; even in the heat of passion, Levi would not allow clothes to be strewn all over the place.

His eyes, flat and gray, gleamed as they fully undressed. His body in the harsh light of noon was a miracle, every inch sculpted and solid. Soon they were standing in front of the hearth with the fire warming their bare skin, twined in each other’s arms. Petra threw her head back, guiding Levi. His mouth journeyed all along her body. When he knelt in front of her, she shook from sheer anticipation. Her teeth chattered, and she clenched her jaw. Chattering was far from an erotic sound.

He dug his fingers into her hips, and kissed the juncture of her thighs. Petra’s nerves seemed to explode with the slightest contact. She wound her fingers through his hair and gasped. Her legs trembled when he stood in front of her again. There was wildness in his gray eyes now, and his lips pulled back in an unconscious sneer. He was some kind of creature, his perfect control slipping away.

“Get in bed,” he grunted. He pressed her backwards, and she flung the blankets aside and slid onto the mattress. Levi crawled after, practically throwing himself on top of her. She lay pinned beneath him, their hearts beating wildly in unison. His cock was hard and ready against her, but he did not move. Instead, he stared deep into her eyes, not with tenderness but with challenge. His right hand cupped her cheek, and then his fingers trailed along her face and down her neck. He stopped there, and his hand wound about her throat. Petra whimpered, bucking against him. She was terrified; she never wanted it to end.

Who was he? Who was this man?

“What are you going to do?” she whispered. She moved her body, bringing her sex flush with his. Levi hissed through his teeth.

“I. I don’t know.” He squeezed a bit tighter, and Petra gasped. It felt far better than she could’ve imagined. “I don’t know where I am. It’s like I’m falling, like…like my ODM didn’t latch.” He swallowed.

“What are you feeling?” He lessened his grip. His hand moved down to clasp her breast.

“I hate you a little,” he growled, then kissed her roughly. His thumb circled her nipple. Petra bit his lower lip, and he snarled in reply. Breaking the kiss, he whispered in her ear. “I didn’t want to feel this.”

“I know.”

“I’ve lost everything I ever had. If I lose you, too…” He paused, and kissed her temple. Some of that tenderness returned, mixed with the rage.

“I promised you once I’d never leave without a fight. I still promise that.”

“Yeah, but we don’t always get to choose.” He yanked her head back by the hair. Petra winced with the force, but let him. She liked it, even as her eyes watered. She gasped when she felt him hard and ready, and when he shoved to the hilt inside her. Her back arched, and she tipped her head back. She’d been ready for him, and he fit perfectly. Levi gave a great cry as he sheathed himself. He still wasn’t used to it.

“If you’re upset, then take it out on me,” Petra moaned. She started to move against him, urging him deeper. Levi hoisted himself up on his elbows, and gazed down at her. His black hair fell into his eyes. He bared his teeth once more.

He moved inside of her, hard. Petra dug her fingernails into his arms and held on as he started to ride her. Levi was confident in his movements now. Early this morning, he’d been tentative, rocking back and forth. But he was a genius with the physical, and sex was no exception. He seemed to have already come to understand what she needed, and what she wanted, and where she wanted it. Petra’s breasts bounced as he thrust, and she pressed back against him, feeling him start to rub high against her clit. Her body began to tighten with the oncoming orgasm, even as her eyes watered with the violence of his thrusts.

Again, and again, and again he pounded into her. Occasionally, he’d lower himself to kiss her, his lips claiming hers. Nothing gentle. She loved it, and also felt the first thrum of fear. Levi moved harder, grunting as he fucked, going so deep that he struck her cervix over and over again. The bed began to wail beneath them as he went faster. Sweat glistened on the ends of his hair, and Petra dug her fingernails into the mattress. His eyes burned, his teeth were bared. He leaned over her like a predator nearing its kill.

“Levi. Levi.” She moaned his name, but then whimpered it. “Levi. _Ow_.”

Instantly, he stilled on top of her. Panting, he lowered himself. All the madness had leached out of his expression. Now, he looked almost frightened.

“Shit. Petra, I hurt you?”

“No, it was just…getting too rough. I’m fine. Really.” She stroked his cheek, but he looked away from her. A muscle in his jaw ticked. Anger, but turned inward. At himself. She’d seen it countless times after they’d return from a mission. He’d sit at the table by himself, and she knew he was going over all the lives lost. All the ones he couldn’t save. The ones he’d failed.

“I’m a real piece of shit. I’m sorry.”

“No! No, you’re not. It’s good.” She kissed his cheek, turning his chin so he’d face her. “It’s the best I’ve ever had. We just need to practice, that’s all. You know how important practice is.” She hoped that her light, teasing tone would help. Levi’s mouth twitched—his version of a smile—but he did not come back to her entirely.

“I just…I want to get this right. If anyone fucks it up, it’ll be me.”

She’d only ever seen him in control, at the head of their squad, at the Commander’s side. As a fighter, he was unsurpassed. No one could hope to teach him anything, and any mistake was someone else’s. It had to be. The captain was a legend, and perfect in what he did. Now, she realized that he was facing a situation where he would be judged, and learning. She had such power here.

Petra had never guessed that she’d have power over a man like this. The responsibility left her breathless.

“You _are_ getting it right. We’re going to keep it right, the two of us. Here. Kiss me.” He did as she asked, and Petra slid her hands down his back. She pulled him forward, guiding him in a steady, rocking motion. This time, through touch and whispered words, she told him not to simply thrust. Instead, it should be an almost liquid motion, his entire body involved in going in and out, in and out. As she’d expected, Levi adapted to it almost at once. When he began to speed up again, she encouraged it. Petra wrapped her legs around his waist, and her eyes fluttered shut to feel the growing pressure inside of her, the tension building at that perfect spot between her thighs.

“Please. Harder,” she whispered.

“Yes,” he growled. Once again, the bed moaned beneath them, but this time she felt only pleasure. Her climax drew nearer, and she could see from the tight, hyper-focused expression on his face that Levi was closing in on his end as well.

“Wait. Stop,” she gasped. He came to an instant halt on top of her, panting rapidly. Sweat trickled down his neck, and his face was flushed.

“I hurt you again?” he rasped.

“I want to finish you on top,” she whispered. He blinked, clearly not understanding what she meant. Levi made a surprised noise when she rolled over, taking him with her. Petra straddled him, adjusting herself and slipping him back deep inside of her body. On top, the air was wonderfully cool on her skin. It was such a different feeling, this way. The feeling of being under a man was wonderful because of its surrender; on top of him, it was control and pure taking. Petra loved both. Needed both. “Is this okay?” she asked. Levi’s eyes widened, and his brow furrowed.

“I’m not… I like it when you’re under me,” he muttered at last. He gripped her thighs. “I like feeling all of you.”

Yes, Levi was not much of an adventurous sort in his personal habits. When he liked a shirt, he ordered twelve of the same cut and color. When he liked a type of food, he ate it whenever possible. He might not want a lot of variety in his sex life. Petra had anticipated this.

“It’s fine to have a favorite position. But I’d like to experiment a little with you.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “Could we at least try?”

“If you want it, we’ll do it.”

She placed his hands on her hips, and let him feel the rhythm. She moved back and forth, increasing the pace, swirling her body whenever possible. Levi’s mouth fell open as she rode him. He stroked her as she fucked, played with her breasts. His fingertips traced her stomach until they came to the hair at her sex. Then, for a moment, his hand fell away and she watched him watch where they were joined. A fierce light kindled in his gaze. He watched his body move in and out of hers with total wonder.

“You’re inside me because I want you there.” Petra’s end was approaching, and she spoke in a breathless voice. “I don’t want anyone else. Only you.”

“Yes,” he moaned. He pressed his thumb against her clit as she rode. The world became awash with light. Petra threw her head back, shaking as she neared the climax.

“Levi.” She kept calling his name as she took him deep, felt him strike against her cervix one last time. The pressure inside of her released, the building excitement exploded throughout her body, shattering her and remaking her from one second to the next. Petra moaned as she fell forward atop him, her cheek pressed against his chest as Levi wrapped his arms around her and thrust hard a few more times before his entire body tensed beneath her. With a cry, she felt him come inside of her, ride his orgasm out. Then they were left holding each other, trying to steady their breathing. When Petra rolled off, she felt the stickiness between her thighs. She was relieved they had their own wash room.

They lay side by side in the giant bed, both gazing up at the blank ceiling. Finally, Petra giggled.

“Eh?” He looked at her.

“In the back of my mind, when we started, I was a little afraid it was so good this morning because I was just excited. Now I know it’s just good.”

“Well. Good,” he grunted, but she knew he was pleased. He rolled over onto his side, placed a hand on her stomach. He set his jaw. “You got a plan to keep from getting pregnant?”

She nodded. “It’ll help with our own bathroom. I just need a small sponge. I’m sure that they have one here. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s one in there already.”

“What makes you think that?”

Petra lifted an eyebrow. “The woman who brought us to the room gave me a certain look.”

“Women. It’s all looks with you.”

Petra scoffed, and lightly batted at his arm. They both froze, staring at each other aghast. She had never, ever, _ever_ struck a blow playfully at him. She’d never crossed any line of respect. For a full minute, no one spoke.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. But Levi shook his head.

“Pretty sure I’ve given you worse in training. We’ll call it even.” He kissed her, then whispered against her lips, “Brat.”

Petra grinned through the kiss. When they broke apart, she batted her eyes in full fake innocence.

“If you’d like to make me suffer for it, I can think of a few ways.”

“Huh?” His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You mean…you _like_ being smacked?”

“I’ve never tried it, but Nifa told me that it can be fun. I mean, if it’s done right.”

“And you _want_ to try it?”

“Like I said. I want to experiment with you.” She cupped the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. “Orders, sir?” she teased.

“I think you’re giving the orders right now, Ral.” He kissed her again. “Fine. If you think you’ll enjoy it.”

 

As it turned out, Petra _did_ enjoy it. Levi didn’t as much, she could tell, but she loved him for trying. The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of tangled sheets. Levi went out to get some food (he would not ring the bell cord and request service; he did not want to add more money to Erwin’s bill), and when he returned they ate before the fire. After lunch, they made love on the hearth rug, and soon after tried out both armchairs and the sofa as well. Even when she grew sore, Petra wanted to keep going. She did not want to miss a single second of this time, and became lost in her captain’s arms, wrapped her legs around his waist. Simply touching the silken warmth of his skin was enough to speed her climax. Levi did not tire, either. He was practically a machine, content to grapple and couple with her in every inch of the room. They discovered a shared favorite position, him sitting up and her straddling him. It allowed her to feel every inch of him, and for him to hold her close.

Finally, as the sun dipped behind the buildings and the blue shadows lengthened, they were spent. Petra lay on her back in front of the dying fire, her nipples tingling, her limbs heavy and exhausted. Levi got up from beside her, and padded to the bathroom. She closed her eyes as she heard him turn on the water.

“I haven’t had a bath in years,” she murmured.

“Only time I ever had one was when my mother gave me one in the laundry bucket.” Levi rubbed the back of his head as he came to lift her to her feet. Petra’s legs were rubbery.

“In the underground?” He’d mentioned it once, but she couldn’t help wanting to pry. “What was that like?”

Levi let go of her hand, his gaze wary. “Not now. Someday.”

Someday. It wasn’t a lover’s suggestion, but an order. Petra decided not to press it. She had to let the relationship breathe a bit more first. She knew it instinctively. Instead, she let him guide her to the wash room, smiling to feel Levi kiss the back of her neck on the way. They took a few lit candles inside, then Petra tested the water. Steam wafted from the surface, but it wasn’t boiling hot. Tentatively, she entered and eased herself into the bath. She let out a low, breathy moan at the feel of the hot water.

“Fuck, you sound like you almost came.” Levi sounded impressed and, judging from how erect he was growing, aroused.

“Come in. You’ll feel the same.” She grinned, and inched forward to give him space. He sat down beside her, making the same surprised, ecstatic noise as she had. The water lapped back and forth as they adjusted their positions, with Petra lying against his chest and his arms around her. The surface stilled, and Petra drowsed. She’d never been this comfortable before.

“We need to have a bath tomorrow as well,” Levi murmured. He kissed her temple, and her ear.

“One in the morning, and one at night.”

“I always liked how you think, Petra.”

She tilted her head and kissed him. Petra felt him growing hard against her backside, and reached down in the water to give him some help. A few breathless minutes later, she’d turned around on her knees. They kissed deeply, her hand clasping the back of his neck and her thumb idly stroking up and down his throat. Levi gave a contented growl.

“I think this is what being happy feels like.” He sounded sated, like he’d just pushed away from a large meal.

“You think?”

“It feels different than usual. Nothing hurts.”

“In here, it’s hard to believe everything that’s going on outside.” Petra pressed her cheek to his, and thought of titans and galloping horses, blades and the Commander’s shouted speeches. Blood, and death. How could all of that exist in the same world as this moment of peace? It felt like she’d dreamed all the titans, and the military.

Levi wrapped his arms around her, pressed her close to his chest.

“How the fuck did I find you?” he mused. He spoke low, and looked at the window fogged by steam. A hazy moon peered in on them. The candles were starting to gutter; soon, they’d be in near darkness. The water, now cooling, sloshed as Petra sat back on her knees. Levi looked at her, his arms slung on either side of him along the tub’s edge. He looked relaxed, the bags under his eyes all the more pronounced in stark contrast. “How the fuck do I deserve this?” he muttered.

“You do.” She brushed some damp strands of hair from her face. “Just trust me.”

The slight flicker of light across his face, and the twitch of his cheek; they happened before he said, “I do.”

Her heart sank a bit. He did, but he didn’t. He trusted her to a point—more than most people, perhaps, but not all the way. He didn’t trust her with his past…

No. Petra shook her head lightly. All that had to be earned. He was a locked room, and she was searching for the key. She’d find it. She would.

“Can I ask a favor?” She stretched out, and kissed his lips. Levi grunted yes. “Tomorrow, let’s go out.”

“Out?” He frowned. “What’s outside that you want to see?”

Petra grinned and nuzzled his cheek. “I’ve never been to the capital before. There are parks, and taverns, and museums…”

“I’ve never been to a museum.” He didn’t say it like he was curious. Petra sighed.

“We need to get to know each other outside of this room.”

“Hell are you talking about? We’ve known each other for years.”

“Not like this. Not…not in this kind of relationship.” Petra bit at her lip. Her instinct screamed to obey him at once, to stay in this room and fuck him for hours. He was her captain, and she simply did as commanded. At least, that was what their relationship _had_ been. Her body wouldn’t have minded staying and screwing, to be fair, but it wouldn’t be wise. The Commander had given them three days together. He likely wanted to see how they’d get along. To know that, they had to do more than fuck.

They had to talk. She told Levi as much.

“I talk a lot,” he muttered in reply. Petra waited until she knew for sure she wouldn’t laugh, then spoke.

“I want to know that you like me, not just having sex with me.” She said it more shyly than she thought she would. She shivered as he looked fully at her.

“You really think that? Tch. Thought you had more sense.”

“I want to make sure we can be together in lots of different places.”

“All right.” He touched her chin. “We’ll go out. We’ll see the museums.”

Petra grinned. “We don’t have to go to those.”

“Well, thank fuck.”

They drained the tub, and an hour later Petra lay nestled in Levi’s arms. He was deep asleep already, his face slack and expression gentle. The fire had burned down to embers, and the inn was quiet. Petra felt how heavy her naked body was in this warm, silent world. She listened to Levi’s steady, rasped breathing, and curled against him. He did not stir. A full day of sex had knocked him out entirely.

Good. He needed his rest. She kissed his forehead, his hair tickling her nose.

“I love you,” she murmured. It felt good to say those words, better to mean them. The captain did not reply—she hadn’t expected it—but he reached out in his sleep and pressed her near. She closed her eyes, and slept soundly.

 

“What about a tour of the palace? I’ve always wanted to see the inside.” Petra laced up her boots, and settled her long skirt. Thank the goddesses themselves she’d brought two extra changes of clothes. Levi had grumbled she’d packed too much, but she was happy not to wear her Survey Corps uniform today. She wanted to be anonymous.

“We can get a private look anytime you want.” He slipped into his dark jacket, and Petra smiled. He’d also gone with civilian clothes. No Wings of Freedom today. Everyone knew of the bold Captain Levi, but most didn’t know what he looked like. They could wander the streets, entirely free.

“The fun’s in being like everyone else.”

“Tch. Well, if you wanna spend all day fawning over the nobles and their merchant pets,” he muttered. Levi dusted at his sleeves, his back to her. Her captain had never much cared for the rich and powerful. If he came from the underground, Petra could understand why.

“Then how about a walk down to the fountain square? It’ll be turned off in winter, but I hear it’s the most beautiful place in the city.”

“Yeah. Sounds good.” Levi ushered her out the door, locked it behind them, then walked down the stairs by her side. “Wonder if there are any good tea shops,” he mused. Petra laughed, and slipped her arm through his as they walked into the morning. The sun was brilliant, and her breath steamed in the cold air.

It was amazing to walk on Levi’s arm, amazing to pass out through the inn and into the city with no one to gawk at them. They looked like an ordinary man and woman today. Just an ordinary couple, enjoying the sights.

“Thank you.” Petra squeezed his arm. Levi touched her hand briefly, squeezed her fingers.

“Don’t thank me until you’re sure I’m not a pain in the ass.”

“All right, then.” She kissed his cheek. Levi paused, and Petra halted beside him. “What is it? Levi?”

He did not answer, only turned in a circle. He wore the hard, focused look he always got out beyond the walls, whenever he was waiting for an attack. For a minute, he looked in every direction, up and down. The hair on Petra’s neck stood on end. Then, finally, he returned to her. “What was that?”

“Nothing. Sorry. Thought someone was watching.”

_Watching_?

“You’re Humanity’s Strongest. It must be odd to walk outside and not have people falling over themselves to meet you,” she teased. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her close.

“You brat.” He kissed her. “Come on. I want to see what’s so great about this damn city.”

***

Well, now. He hadn’t expected _that_.

He watched from the alley’s shadows, watched the runt and the little red-haired vixen on his arm as they paraded themselves through the streets. When Levi’d turned around, the man feared he’d been spotted. But no; the runt’s gray eyes scanned the area, and then he turned away. The girl on his arm—oi, she was a child, that one, good on Levi, the horny devil—she tugged at him, took him by the hand, pulled him after her. She led the way, Levi content to do as she asked.

To think, that midget let her paw at him like that. Used to be Levi’d kill a man for so much as brushing past him without tipping his hat.

_Must be love._

_Fucking moron._

The old man grinned, coughed once, then flipped up his collar against the cold. Ah, yes. He trudged out of the alley and looked up at the inn where the runt and his little piece of fluff were staying.

Oi, oi, he thought to himself. This would be more fun than even _he’d_ anticipated.


	3. Chapter 3

How was he supposed to be happy when he was this goddamn nauseated? Levi walked alongside Petra, and every glimpse at her from the corner of his eye, every swirl of her skirt in his periphery, it all made him want to excuse himself into an alley and hurl everything he’d had for breakfast into the gutter, one hand on his stomach. This wasn’t the way a man with a new lover was supposed to feel, right? Levi’d somehow landed the girl he’d desired in secret for years; she felt the same for him; they’d spent almost ten solid hours screwing. It was the kind of break that should’ve made him happy, and Petra was the kind of woman dozens, maybe hundreds of guys would’ve done anything to get a shot at. But Levi didn’t feel any pride at knowing that he’d claimed such a girl as his own. Instead, he felt like he was in a rocking carriage on a bumpy road.

Unsettled. Unbalanced. Wrong. The whole thing, standing here in the sunlight, listening to her chatter and watch as she playfully touched his arm, it was all wrong. People’s eyes had to be trailing them as they passed by, probably wondering what a bright, beautiful little thing like Petra was doing with a short, ugly old man. Levi didn’t much care what people thought about him in general, but right now the idea of them pitying the girl he loved made his scalp itch, and sweat freeze on his temples. Levi huffed, his breath a cloud in the air. He shoved his hands deeper into his coat pockets. Fuck, were they ever gonna get to this damn fountain?

The city of Mitras was a jewel, just like he’d always thought it’d be when he was a kid. The streets were so clean you’d think the whole damn place had been dreamed up five hours before, brand new. The buildings, white stone and gilded brass, loomed overhead like a bunch of fancy-ass lords watching him, wondering what an underground smudge like him was doing on their clean, perfect, wealthy streets. When he was a boy, he’d dreamed of the city above, the one he’d never touched, never seen. But he’d pictured it nightly, a clean world of decent people, where he could have a little shop and pressed clothes and maybe, just maybe, an apple-cheeked girl with bright hair and eyes—

“Sir? Er, Levi?” Petra slipped her hand through the crook of his arm. Unthinking, he shied away from her. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“No. I just don’t understand the people who paw each other all over on the street.”

“Oh.” Petra’s eyes flicked downward for a moment, and a little crease formed between her eyebrows. Great. He’d hurt her. She was some beautiful little porcelain figurine he cradled in his hands, and like a great clumsy thug he kept squeezing too hard, cracking her.

“Not that you’re doing that. I mean.”

“It’s fine.” She forced a smile; had to force it, he couldn’t give it to her naturally. “I want you to be comfortable.”

She’d work for him, deny herself things for him if he let her. And over time, she’d grow weary of it, maybe come to hate him. Levi didn’t understand much in the way of relationships, but he’d seen those sorts of dynamics play out in the people he’d known underground. ‘My old lady’ this, and ‘my stupid lug of a husband’ that. Sometimes he’d stroll away from them, a hand on Furlan’s shoulder, and tell him they were lucky that they weren’t married.

Levi didn’t give a shit about people, except those people he gave a shit about. And Petra was one. Maybe top of the list, well, save Erwin. He wanted to do his duty by the people he loved. For Petra, that involved making her smile for real.

He took her hands in his and pulled her close. She searched his eyes, blinking back the thin, shining line of what he knew were tears.

“My comfort doesn’t mean shit if you’re not happy.”

“I _am_ happy.”

“No. You’re not. Don’t lie to me, Petra. If we were on duty, I’d have to whip your ass.” He sniffed. “Though I think you’d like that.”

He saw her debate whether that was a joke or not; it was. Relieved, she smiled.

“You’d want me on my knees, _sir_?”

“Best place for you, in my opinion.” Though every fiber of his being rebelled against it, though he hated showing weakness or softness to the world, he pressed his lips to hers for a brief moment. It worked. Petra practically melted before him, her smile softening, warm and real. “Good. I like to see that.”

“I know this is all new. I just want to try.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna do it. I will.” He breathed out, and she tilted her head.

“What’s wrong?”

“The thing I said, being afraid that you’ll get taken away from me. That’s not just gonna stop because I want it to. Every time we’re happy, I feel like the shit’s around the corner, waiting.”

Petra squeezed his hands. “Do you trust me as a comrade?”

“Yes.” No hesitation. He would never have taken her onto his squad if he hadn’t believed he could rely on her. And she’d proven his faith had been warranted.

“Then trust me, just a little. If you can trust me, and talk to me about what feels good or not, we can make this grow. But only if you believe we can.”

“I can.” The words came out tight, but he meant them. “I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t trust you.” Another kiss, this one very brief; Levi still wasn’t comfortable with all this public love shit. “Fuck. Your nose is a damn icicle, Ral.” The cold had brightened her cheeks, which he didn’t mind.

Petra shivered. “Mmm, maybe we don’t have to find the fountain? I didn’t think it’d be as cold as it is.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Hungry? We didn’t eat much yesterday, after all.”

Yeah, sex had been more important. As it should be.

“Come on. I think I saw a tavern one block back.”

Soon as they entered the King’s Head, Levi knew this wouldn't be his type of place. Probably Erwin would’ve loved it, known what to order. It was a tavern, sure, with the customary wooden tables and chairs, the kegs of beer with glistening spigots lined up against the wall. But the decorations were all oil paintings, showing the illustrious line of kings. The floor was carpeted a rich red. Fire crackled in a hearth that was so big, it could’ve contained a family of four. Polished candleholders were stationed on every table. Everyone lounging around and toying with their food wore fine clothes of blue velvet, collars of ermine, fancy shit like that. Probably this was where the nobility came for a little bite to eat while spending their swindled money on deluxe trinkets they didn’t need. Levi wanted to rush out the door—even now, years from the underground, he felt like someone was gonna call the MPs on him at these types of swank places, yell that he didn’t belong here. Sometimes, waking out of a nightmare, Levi would imagine being thrown back down a dark stairway into the underground, landing right on top of a pile of shit and garbage.

His lip twitched just looking at all these rich pigs. But before he could suggest they get the fuck outta here, Petra beamed in delight.

“It’s beautiful!”

“Yeah. You like it?” She nodded enthusiastically. “Right. Let’s have a seat.”

They both had tea, and Levi nearly groaned in appreciation when he picked up the heated cup. His hands were ice, same as Petra’s. As he sipped, he saw Petra watching him over the rim of her own cup. She bit at her lip when he set his tea down, and narrowed her eyes.

“You looking at me, Petra? I got a smudge on my face?” Levi’s heart nearly stopped. Was his shirt stained?

“No. I always wondered something. Why do you hold your teacup like that?”

“Huh? Like what?”

She blushed. “I don’t mean there’s anything wrong with it, but the guys and I always wondered why you held it by the rim, not the handle.”

“I just do.” He said it like clapping a hand on her shoulder and pushing her back into her seat.

“Right. Of course.” She lowered her eyes again. Fuck, this was gonna take practice.

“When I was a kid, I, uh, always wanted a tea set. I mean, I liked the smell of it. Tea.” Levi rubbed at his forehead. “So when I was, I don’t know, fifteen, I finally got myself one.” If he closed his eyes, he could picture himself, a scrawny runt all elbows and knees, eyes wide with delight as he placed a plain white teapot on the table, one cup and saucer beside it. Levi’d been living in a rundown house with three other guys at the time, but he’d been a bulldog about enforcing cleanliness. He’d wanted them to have couch cushions that weren’t stained, a table that wasn’t broken. When he’d yearned for a vase, one of the guys had laughed his ass off. What, did Levi have _flowers_ to put into it? Was he a fucking woman?

Levi’d kicked the guy’s front teeth out, and from then on they didn’t laugh when he talked about vases.

But when he’d gotten the tea set, Levi had felt like his dreams were coming true. Other guys in the house talked about all the pussy they were gonna buy with the next score, the booze and the opium they’d enjoy. Levi had lain awake and imagined a little house, everything put away neatly, and clean clothes for himself. Sunshine in the window. Flowers on the table. A light, pleasing voice in the hall.

He’d been born and raised to be a thug, but all he’d really wanted was to be a shopkeeper. Life was a bitch.

“The tea set,” he continued to Petra, “wasn’t anything fancy. But I’d got my hands on some black tea, too. First I’d ever got for myself. I brewed it, poured, and then I lifted it up by the handle to drink.” He shrugged. “And the damn handle fell off. Cheap, shitty workmanship. The cup broke on the floor.”

“And you never used a handle ever again?” Petra looked stunned, and about to laugh. Indignation flared in him. Sure, to a surface girl who’d probably grown up knowing where her next meal came from, it was just a cup. Levi’d saved for it. He’d held it like a dream in his heart. And then, boom. Gone.

Like everything he’d ever wanted.

“I don’t take unnecessary risks. And I never forget a lesson.” He drank again, trying to push down the anger that’d come upon him, a pressure on his sternum.

“Right. Yes,” Petra said softly. There were a few minutes of silence until their food arrived. Venison stew, the cheapest thing on the menu. They’d both gone for it instinctively. Levi knew he should’ve told her to get whatever she wanted, but he appreciated frugality. While she toyed with her food, Levi looked up at her. They’d been making progress, and he’d fucked it up. What did he talk about with her? Normally, they didn’t say much, but sometimes they’d sit together in the kitchen at night—he was always awake, and she sometimes couldn’t sleep. They’d sit, mostly stare out the window, and occasionally she’d mention her friends or the guys on her squad. All they really had in common was the damn military. Levi cleared his throat.

“You think they’re back in Trost by now?”

“Oh. Yes, they should be getting in right about now, if the roads are clear. It’s no more than a day on horseback, if you stop for a break.”

“Yeah. I, uh, don’t think there was a storm last night.”

“No. No storm.”

Levi couldn’t help how his thoughts spun to Erwin, leading everyone on that trek down the road. When they were too far apart, Levi felt the distance like an itch on his skin. Even all the sex, the sweetness of Petra’s body, couldn’t quite undo the line Levi felt that tied him directly to the Commander. What would Erwin do now? Probably drag Levi aside, tell him what a fool he was making of himself.

Shit. Maybe Petra and he really didn’t have anything in common. Just lust. Erwin would know. Erwin could tell him how to act towards a girl. Come to think of it, they’d had conversations in Erwin’s room late at night, when the battle plans were coming particularly slowly. About that old flame of his, Marie, and some of the ladies who’d come and gone brief and lovely as butterflies since. To Levi, getting multiple women to swoon and fall into your arms was some kind of fucking magic. What’d Erwin say? _Women want to be admired._

“You’re beautiful,” Levi blurted out. Petra started, but then smiled.

“Thank you. You’re very handsome.” She reached across the table for his hand, and Levi drew it back on instinct. Damn. Damn.

“Sorry. You, uh, want to talk about anything specific?”

“Well…I kind of want to ask you about how you grew up, but I don’t think you want me to.” No snap in it, just honesty. She was right, he didn’t want to talk about it. “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

Right, ask her questions about herself. Erwin had mentioned that, too. Levi wished to hell it was Erwin here right now alongside them. Someone to do the talking for him, keep Petra charmed until it came time for bed and Levi could take over. He was happy to fuck; talking was hard.

Ask her questions about what? Her family? Where she grew up? How much did he know? He knew she and Oruo had known each other for years, but that was the extent. Mostly, he’d talked horses with Petra, the maneuvers for the next day, the guys on the squad. He knew he should ask about her parents or her childhood pets or her dreams, but all he could get past his lips was,

“So. You got any idea whose squad you want to be on? The upcoming expedition’s centered on the old city, so we could talk strategy. You haven’t done much ODM maneuvering on buildings.”

“Oh. If you want to.” She had that polite, tense sound in her voice.

“But you don’t want to?”

She bit her lip. “I…I thought we could use this time to get to know each other better.”

“And I’m failing at it.” It wasn’t a question. Petra worried her hands.

“I don’t know what I’m allowed to ask.”

“You’re allowed to ask anything. You’re my.” The words stopped. Lover? Girlfriend? Eventual wife? Sex partner?

“I don’t feel like I am, though. You got annoyed about the teacup.” Petra was still pleasant, but the strain was starting to show. Shit. Shit, he was losing her. He could feel it. She was about to realize what a fuckhead he was, this wasn’t gonna work, she was going to tell him gently that at least they’d tried. All his hopes would be shattered, and not by a titan. By his own uselessness. “Levi. What are you thinking now?”

_Tell her about the darkness, and the doubt, and the fear._

“Nothing.” He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he crossed his arms.

“I see.” Petra sat back as well, narrowing her eyes and studying him with the same curiosity Hange got when looking at an evaporating titan’s corpse. “Are you acting this way because you’re afraid, or because you’re bored?”

Blunt, this one, when she wanted to be.

“Neither.”

“When you talk to the Commander,” she said gently, “what do you talk about?”

Levi blinked. She had a point, Erwin and, to be fair, Hange were two he could talk to about anything, all day. Why? Levi had no fucking idea.

“Everything. He’ll tell me about some book he’s reading…I don’t even know what the fuck he means, but he just talks. Sometimes I talk back. Strategies, the new recruits, letters we need to send to families who lost their sons and daughters. Uh. Everything.”

“I’m afraid of upsetting you, so I’m being too cautious. And you… I don’t think you want me to see all of you.”

She was right. Erwin knew every bit of him, and Levi felt no pride in front of the Commander. Nothing to hide.

“Maybe it’s because you’re my subordinate, or you were. I don’t know how to be easy with you. At least, not out of bed.”

Petra blushed. “I think that’s it, too. Not to be vain, but you can ask me questions, you know. I’d like to share with you.”

Levi swallowed. “What…um, what do you like?”

Petra grinned. “I like a lot of things. Autumn’s my favorite season, and I prefer dogs to cats. I’m the middle child; I have an older brother and a younger sister. My father supported me joining the military when no one else would. He sells vegetables. Oruo and I used to play at being shopkeepers when we were little. He wanted me to pretend to be his wife, but I wanted to run a rival shop and put him out of business.”

Levi’s mouth twitched into a near smile. “Sounds like you two.”

“I had my palm read once. The fortune teller told me that I’d have an exciting life, but my love story would be chaotic.”

Levi frowned. “How’d she know that?”

Petra laid her hand on the table, palm up, and traced the lines with a fingertip. “The top is my heartline. There’s an island in the middle, right there. That means chaos. My lifeline is sturdy, though. It arcs around my thumb, which means I’ll have adventure.”

“Hmm.” Levi studied her hand. They looked like mere lines to him.

“I’ll do you.”

He liked the sound of that. Petra took his hand and laid it facing palm up. She traced her index finger along his own lines. The very touch of her skin made his body react.

“This middle line is your headline. It’s supposed to measure how intellectual you are.” They both stared.

“It’s very short,” he muttered.

“Well. Yes.” Petra giggled, and he grinned. “But your fate line is so deep. It starts all the way at your wrist, and shoots straight up to your middle finger.” Petra worried her bottom lip. “That’s the finger they call the Great Titan, which is usually about strength and destiny. Fate has big plans in store for you.”

“And the heartline?” Why was his damn pulse pounding? It’s not like any of this was real. Probably. Petra skimmed her touch along the top.

“It arcs upwards. That means you go after what you want in love.” Her eyes met his. “There are lots of crosses until halfway through. That means the first half of your life is rough, but then it smoothes out. Something good, and stable, shows up.”

Those bright eyes of hers, and that sweet little mouth with its grin. How had he gotten so damn lucky? Levi took her hand in his, and held it atop the table. His thumb stroked her knuckles. Petra gave a contented sigh. That little frisson of lightning that had sparked between them yesterday returned.

“I want to know more about you,” he said. “Tell me everything.”

Before Petra could speak, they had company. Three men, barely out of boyhood, with loosened collars and fashionably rumpled hair. They looked like lords’ sons, and smelled like they’d had a few tankards of ale. The one in the middle, the blond with bloodshot gray eyes, sneered at Levi.

“I tol’ you,” he muttered to his friends. “It’s _him_.”

“Um. We’re having lunch, please,” Petra said, though she frowned. Levi waited.

“I saw him when he returned from that expedition last year, down in Wall Rose. The way they cheered for him was _disgusting_.” The kid looked at Levi like he was dried dog shit.

“You got something to say _to_ me, shithead?”

“Oh, he speaks! I thought all fascist dogs could do was _bark_.” The two hangers-on snickered while the punk leaned closer to Levi. The kid’s breath was hoppy and sour. “You should be ashamed of yerself. Using taxpayer money that could go to social programs or, um, the arts, just so you can fly around and feel like a man. That’s all brute fascist thugs want to do, kill titans and waste our hard-earned money.”

“Titans slaughtered thousands of the people in Wall Maria. But I guess you were too busy being semen in your father’s fucking balls to know about it,” Levi returned. Petra gripped his hand, digging her nails into his skin. It was for her sake that he didn’t deck this brat. “As for hard-earned money, I’m pretty sure your daddy paid for you to look this fuckin’ pretty. Leave. I’m only gonna give you this chance once.”

The boy’s chin wobbled. “My father loves men like you.”

“Oh, I bet he does.” Levi looked at Petra, jerked his head to see if she wanted out. She nodded, her eyes grateful. They rose, but the kid wasn’t done yet.

“You’re all a bunch of oppressors! Fascists! The military does whatever the king says. You don’t want to free us from the titans. You want to keep us in a never ending war! You make me sick!”

“Likewise,” Levi seethed. Then, the boy’s eyes turned to Petra, who bristled.

“Let us pass,” she snapped.

“Hmmph. And you get all the women, too. Dumb sluts who only want power and mon—”

Levi grabbed him by the back of his neck and slammed his head into the table. The plates rattled, and the spoons jumped. The unconscious kid slid to the floor, and Levi stepped over the body. The two friends, both much more timid than their idiot leader, slithered back into a shadowy corner.

“Er. Sorry,” Levi said, slipping on his jacket and helping Petra with hers.

“No. I think that was all right.”

He dug out some coins, laid them on the table, took her arm, and waved at the barkeep on their way out. The man was slack-jawed.

“I don’t think we can come back here,” Levi muttered.

 

The afternoon deepened to evening as they walked. They found the fountain eventually, a huge marble structure with statues of barely clothed girls frolicking around old King Fritz. Snow had lined the inside of the dry basin, and many people stopped to ooh and aah at the craftsmanship. Levi stood behind Petra and pressed her back against his chest, looking around her at the fountain. It was all right. No one knew them here. And the deep, shuddering sigh she gave, the utter contentment of it, overrode his instinct not to get so close.

After the fountain, Petra managed to pull him into one of the smaller, free museums. Levi agreed, both to make her happy and also to get warm. He thawed at the edge of the room, barely glancing at oil paintings and bronze sculptures of royalty throughout the ages. He liked watching Petra, though. She gravitated towards the spring countryside paintings, the portraits of beautiful girls in silk dresses. Though he wasn’t a big fan of art, Levi could admire the beauty of the room itself. After a life lived in cramped spaces, or unornamented halls, there was something to be said for luxury. He wasn’t about to get used to any of it, but a little was good.

Eh, maybe he didn’t hate the museum as much as he thought he would.

For dinner, they got a quick bite at an outdoor food cart, one that sold hot chestnuts and spiced wine. It was a simple meal, a loaf of warm bread split between them with hot tea, but Levi didn’t care. Throughout it all, they’d talked. Well, mostly Petra had talked. Once they’d both understood that Levi just didn’t _enjoy_ talking a lot—but didn’t mind listening—things had gotten easier between them. She told him about her family, and many embarrassing Oruo stories. Levi cherished those in particular. She told him about her training years and, since Levi had never gone through the program himself, he found he wanted to hear more.

“I remember when Shadis showed up.” Petra winced. “It was my second year. I thought he was going to take all our heads off.”

Shadis. Levi did not feel much for his old Commander, apart from gratitude at the fact that he’d passed his leadership to Erwin. Well, maybe Levi pitied the old man a little.

“Shadis is a tough son of a bitch,” was his contribution. Petra nodded.

“Honestly, I sometimes think I joined the military just to have a horse of my own. I loved horses so much when I was a kid.” She giggled. “I love mine. She’s amazing. Though really, yours is the most beautiful.”

“You think?” Levi felt his chest swell with pride, like a damn doting father. That was the one thing he could talk about with anyone for longer than a few minutes. His horse was the first thing he’d ever owned completely that’d loved him entirely.

“Mmm. I was thinking…maybe during our off days, we could go riding together. I never see much of the countryside beyond Trost.”

“Yes.” He said it without hesitation. Riding was one of his few genuine pleasures. The fact that Petra loved it too gave him a surge of genuine excitement.

“Oh. Oh no. Look.” She gripped his shoulder, stifling a grin. At the end of the plaza, a stage had been set, with heaters hanging all around. A bunch of actors in green cloaks stepped out onto stage as one. “I’ve heard about these! Fifteen minute plays that rally support for the military.”

“Propaganda.” Levi repeated the word Erwin had taught him. The Commander knew about these “prop plays” as he called them, and had dismissed them with a curl of his lip. “Looks like this one’s about the Survey Corps.”

“You know we have to watch.” Petra tugged him after her. Really, if he weren’t so damn crazy about her, he’d put her over his shoulder and carry her out of here. She was getting damn handsy with him.

Maybe he liked it. A little. They took their positions with the gathering crowd, as the actors made their bows and it got started.

It was as mind-numbing and eye-rolling as Levi could’ve imagined. A bunch of wooden, way too handsome guys in pants that were way too tight cavorted around the stage. Eventually, a few wooden titan puppets showed up, and the actors did some impressive acrobatics to take them down.

“If I’d known all it takes to kill a titan was some fruity dance moves, I could’ve saved a lot of effort,” Levi grumbled. Petra grinned, and some old woman shushed him. Yeah, he was truly unknown in this crowd. It felt kinda nice. Especially with all this lunacy on stage before him.

Erwin was played by some kid who was way too short and not good looking enough. Also, he kept making this weird sawing motion with his arm.

“Poor Commander.” Petra sighed.

“I kinda like this version of him better,” Levi whispered, grinning when she lightly smacked his arm. He was going to have to pay her back later, in private. Naked. And then…

Fuck. And then.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no.” Petra snorted when some tall, chiseled asshole strode onstage wearing a green cloak, a dashing smile, and a really shitty black wig.

“Let’s go. I’m bored,” Levi said quickly.

“I don’t want to miss this,” she hissed.

The tall, handsome, well-muscled, white-smiled guy swirled his cloak, extended his hand to the crowd, and started talking in what Levi could only describe as a Professionally Deep Voice.

“It is I, Captain Levi, the savior of humanity and defender of our Walls. I’ve many titan kills to my credit.” At this, the actor punched a couple of titan puppets that lunged from out of the shadows. One whack, and they lurched away. He missed one of the puppets by a mile. Great stage fighting, truly exceptional. “My skill is as legendary as my manners are impeccable.” “Levi” winked at the audience.

Levi felt a headache coming on. He scowled.

“Though this world may feel a frightening place, my hale and hearty comrades and I do not despair. Instead, we greet every battle with the spirit of adventure, and laugh in the face of death.” On cue, all the Survey Corps members behind “Levi” burst into a merry, clearly rehearsed bout of laughter. “Levi’s” shining white teeth were on display as he threw back his head and joined in.

“We need to go before I kill everyone here,” he muttered. Petra squeezed his arm.

“The guys will never forgive me if we leave now.” She was trembling from holding in laughter.

“If they start to fuckin’ dance—”

“And lo, after a long day of fighting, we retire in the evening to regale one another with stories, and to sing.”

And that was when someone offstage struck up a guitar, and everyone began a jaunty tune about the Wings of Freedom and giving your all for humanity. And yes. Yes, there was fucking dancing.

At this point Petra was on the ground, laughing into the pavement. Levi scowled, and shook his head.

“We don’t need recruits this bad,” he muttered. The old lady who’d shushed Levi earlier turned owlish eyes to him.

“Oh, my. Are you both in the Survey Corps?” She asked it like Levi had a rare disease that she nevertheless found fascinating. “Is that _really_ what Captain Levi is like?”

Levi glared, and Petra shot up with a smile on her face.

“It’s _just_ like him. Isn’t it?”

Levi glowered at her. She fluttered her lashes.

“Oh, so good to hear. I like that Humanity’s Strongest is such a good, clean, solid man.”

“He’s clean,” Petra whispered, tears standing out in her eyes. “He’s very, very clean.”

“Matter of fact, I need to go clean your mouth out with soap,” he whispered in her ear, and finally dragged her away from the crowd and the propaganda. Last he saw of it, they’d started doing gymnastics.

A block away, Petra finally gave into howling laughter, throwing her arms around him while she giggled into his shoulder. Levi _tch_ ed.

“You should’ve told them who you were.” Petra wiped tears from her eyes. “Maybe they’d have asked for a solo.”

He shoved her up against the wall. Petra gave a light gasp, and he closed his mouth over hers. He kissed her roughly, not giving a damn if anyone else saw. When he was finished, he took her face in his hands.

“That was humiliating,” he said.

“It was funny! Besides, the whole crowd loved you.” She kept smiling.

“Tch. They like the shining, bullshit version of me. Anytime anyone meets me, they’re disappointed real fast.”

“That’s not true.” Petra lowered her lashes. “I wasn’t disappointed.”

“Shocked. That’s what you told me, right?”

“Yes, I was a little shocked. But I like the real you more than any tall, handsome, perfect actor.” She kissed him. Levi let it go on for a while. That old, low fire built up in his gut again. He wanted to take her back to the room. They only had one last night here, after all… “There’s one more stop I want to make,” Petra whispered against his mouth.

He couldn’t help his grunt.

“Then we’re going back to the inn.”

Petra pressed her body against his, and he bet she could feel his growing…excitement.

“Absolutely. But first… Come on.” She took him by the hand and led him down the boulevard. “We’re in luck. It’s very close.”

Half a block later, Petra stopped them outside of a building. At first glance, it looked like any other tavern, but when Levi saw the hanging wooden sign his mouth fell open.

_Schmidt & Wagner, Tea Emporium_

“It’s a café and tea shop,” Petra said shyly. “I remember you mentioned once that you’d wanted to open one when you were younger. This is supposed to be the best in the Walls.”

She’d planned the outing just to take him here. For his pleasure.

“I love you,” he muttered, though he couldn’t take his eyes from the bright goings on inside. If he inhaled deeply enough, he was sure he could smell the different blends of tea through the closed windows.

“Let’s go.” Petra beamed, and opened the door. A bell tinkled, and warm, fragrant air rushed out to meet them. Several rosy faces looked up in greeting.

Levi spent at least twenty minutes examining every different type of leaf. There was smoked black tea, infusions of chamomile and rose hip, white tea mixed with dried chunks of peach—the rarest blend, imported from the king’s own greenhouses. He talked with the shopkeeper more than he’d ever spoken with any stranger before in his life. The man poured Levi and Petra a few samples of each blend, discussing the different notes of bergamot or orange or jasmine to be found in them.

Levi had entered paradise. He let his eyes wander the gleaming shelves, the sachets of tea bags, the teapots and porcelain cups, and dreamed for one instant that it all was his. His, and Petra’s. He’d be working behind the counter, sharing his knowledge with someone, while she rang up purchases and served customers at the tables. She’d wear a pink gown, in this vision, and…

He shook his head. He had to get himself under control.

When they left the shop, Levi couldn’t remember a time his spirits had been more buoyant. He realized, suddenly, that Petra was a few steps behind, and turned to wait. She ran out with a little parcel in hand. Cheeks flaming, she held it to him.

“What’s this?” He took it.

“You seemed to like the bergamot and orange. So…I got you some.”

He jerked. It was like a sword going into his body.

“Petra. No. You can’t spend your money on things like this. Not for me.”

Her eyes widened. “If not for you, then who? Do…do you not want it?”

“Of course I want it. Just, I. Shit.” He swiped a hand through his hair, barely able to look at her. “It’s my job to buy things for you.”

“Oh? Who made that rule up?” She bristled a bit. Ah, fuck. Levi wasn’t the smartest guy in the world, but he knew this was a good way to make a woman angry with you.

“I want it. I…I like it. A lot. Thank you.” He kissed her then, relieved when she settled down. They walked down the street, shops glowing on either side of them. In truth, Levi loved this damn tea, and he wasn’t such a swinging dick that he’d turn into a raging fuckhead if Petra paid for something. But he had nothing to give her, after everything she’d given him. They passed dress shops, hat shops, and then…

“Come on.” Levi turned Petra to the right, and walked her into a store.

Petra paled and put a hand to her mouth when they entered. It probably wasn’t the finest jewelry shop in all of Mitras—for his purse’s sake, Levi hoped to hell it wasn’t—but it was a jewelry shop all the same. Glass cases displayed bracelets, necklaces, rings…

Levi immediately steered them away from the ring cases. Not yet. Definitely not yet. He led Petra to another case, a smaller one, with necklaces on display. Parking her before it, he cleared his throat and said, “Which one do you want?”

“I can’t…”

“Yeah. You can. I spend almost none of my salary. I can afford this.” It was true. Levi had lived cheaply, and quietly. Until now.

A salesgirl with blonde ringlets danced up to them, wearing her best professional smile.

“May I be of assistance?” she said.

“I…I don’t know how to choose.” Petra’s face was scarlet now, but her eyes gleamed. With a grunt, Levi surveyed the case. There was a moonstone pendant, a golden locket, a sapphire set in silver (he really hoped she didn’t pick that one.) There was a pearl necklace, a silver crescent moon…

“Let me see that one.” He pointed instinctively. The shopgirl took it out, and held it up to Petra.

The gem was the color of autumn and whiskey, sort of like Petra’s eyes. It was oval, with a million points of refracted light in its depths. It sparkled in a silver setting. Petra took it with trembling hands, and studied it. Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Levi shifted foot to foot, getting a little uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to. There’re others—”

“I love it. It’s perfect. I don’t want anything else.”

“Topaz is a beautiful choice. Especially if you were born in November?”

“December.” Petra sniffed, and wiped her eyes while the girl looked on, smiling. “But I love this.”

The price was a little high, Levi thought. He could’ve stolen her better, back in the underground. But when he fastened the chain around her neck, and watched Petra fluff out her hair…when she admired herself in the mirror, grinning and giddy, he didn’t feel the sting of it at all.

They walked back to the inn, and this time Levi didn’t shy away when she slid her arm through his. Petra stopped them, and faced him.

“I love you,” she said. The gem still sparkled against her throat, through her coat’s collar. “I want to join Hange’s squad, if she’ll let me.”

It was decided, then. Petra was his. This fledgling relationship was about to fly. She loved him. She liked him. She would stay.

“Let’s get you warm,” he said. “Everything else’ll wait.”

He kissed her, and took her back to the room, blood singing in his ears.

 

When they entered, Levi took a few minutes to light a fire in the hearth. Petra kept her coat on, shivering, until finally the room started to heat up. She knelt before the flames and warmed her palms. Levi looked at the topaz’s flash in the firelight. A kind of animal pride flared within him to see her wearing his jewel.

“Don’t ever take that off,” he said.

“I won’t.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, and they watched the hearth for a few minutes. Levi stood, gestured for her to stay where she was and get warm.

“Gotta wash up. Be right back.”

He took off his coat and entered the washroom with a candle. He rolled up his sleeves, and turned on the faucet. Levi splashed his face, felt how cold his skin still was. Ah, but she’d warm him up, that girl. _His_ girl.

Levi stared at his dim, muddy reflection.

He had never been this happy, or this fearful.

_No regrets._ With a sigh, he splashed his face one last time, turned off the faucet, and toweled dry. Levi faced the bathroom door, and undid a few buttons on his shirt. He wanted her so much. He could’ve gone in there, pinned her down, and ripped off all her clothes. But he had to seduce her. Get her in the mood. Make her want it the way he did, if that was even possible. Start her in front of the fire, see where it went. Yeah. Levi opened the door.

Petra stood before the fire, utterly naked. The shadows warped across her bare skin, the petite orbs of her breasts, the flat line of her stomach. Her clothes were piled on the chest by the bed’s foot. At her throat, the topaz necklace flashed. She regarded him with wide, innocent eyes.

“You said I should never take it off,” she said simply.

“Ah.”

He went to her, and kissed her. He took her to the bed and made her lie down, hands at her sides.

“Don’t move. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And don’t talk,” he whispered. He undressed fast, pulled his trousers off, letting his erection spring free. His body was all fire now, same as his blood. “I don’t want to hear a sound out of you. One noise, and I stop.”

She pursed her lips, and nodded once.

Naked, he crawled on top of her, trailing his lips along her curves. His tongue lingered at the juncture of her thigh and belly, and she trembled just a bit. But no noise. She believed him. Her hands twitched just a little at her sides.

On second thought…

Levi reached over and snatched his folded cravat. Straddling Petra, he grabbed her hands and raised them over her head, tied her wrists together tightly. She watched with wide, shocked eyes.

“Don’t move. Don’t touch me. Don’t make a sound.” His gaze traveled along her young, naked body. “You’re mine.”

That was how he made love to her, moving in and out of her, licking her breasts, thrusting deep, feeling every silken inch. She was his to play with and torment. Petra’s eyes filled with tears as she tried to keep her promise not to moan. When he brought her to climax, her brow wrinkled, her eyes shut, and her mouth formed a perfect little silent O. He felt her ripple around him, and knew she wanted to move. But she didn’t. She was a good soldier.

As he fucked her, his eyes strayed from her face to the topaz glistening between her breasts. It seemed to wink at him in the candlelight. He watched it as he took her, was still watching it when he came deep inside her body.

 

_Fuck._

Levi awoke out of a dream he could already scarcely remember, filled with eyes and open mouths and Petra and Erwin. He sat up on his elbows and stared into the dark, his heart beating wildly. Trying to calm down, he scanned the room. The place was silent as death, and the moon was no longer slanting through the window. Probably a couple hours to dawn still.

Beside him, Petra lay curled on her side, her back to him. She had the sheets pulled up, and was naked. So was he. Sighing, Levi spooned her, nestling his nose into her hair. Petra gave a soft moan, and rubbed her ass against him in her sleep. His cock stiffened a bit, but he wouldn’t wake her. He wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her close.

“You make me happy,” he whispered. “Brat.” He kissed her shoulder. She sighed in her sleep.

The nightmares had found him again, but he was not going to let them win. Not this time.

Levi settled down, and closed his eyes.

Something in the room stirred.

Something moved.

Some _one_ moved.

Levi’s eyes snapped open, and he quickly sat up. His eyes, long accustomed to the blackest darkness, could discern what most other people would never be able to make out.

A shadow within shadow. The outline of a man.

Someone else was in the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi stilled as he gazed at the unmoving shadow in the corner of the room. His jaw clenched, and he felt his body act without even telling it what to do. Since he’d been a kid, he’d always known what to do, where to go in a fight, how to get out of a dangerous room. He had no fear for his own sake. But now, he had his lover asleep beside him. She was young, and soft, and innocent. The idea that this freak would do anything to her if Levi couldn’t protect her woke some animal instinct inside of him. His teeth were bared. He wanted blood.

With a silent cry, he leapt over Petra and went flying out of the bed, going for his dagger still in its sheath by the bedside table. He always kept a personal knife close by while he slept; old habits. For a heartstopping moment he feared it wouldn’t be there, that the shadowy figure would’ve taken it, but he felt the hilt in his hand and knew peace.

“Fucker,” he breathed, and lashed out at the shadow. Even though he was ass naked and in the utter dark, Levi could move faster and with more surety than most with their pants on and the noon sun guiding their steps. He unfurled himself, an elegant line with a knife at the end of it. The shadow…moved.

Too fast, too fast to be believed. Levi came to a halt like a cat, spun around. The figure stood near the bed, Petra still asleep and vulnerable in it. Levi heard the hard sound of a knife going into the wall.

The wall, not her throat, but it unleashed Levi’s rage. This bastard had a knife near his girl.

“Fucking bastard!” he barked. Levi rushed, leaping into the air and twisting himself at the same time to get a surprise angle on his attack. Again, that tall shadow nimbly stepped aside. Was Levi exhausted? Did good sex sap all his talent? Is that why he was so damn slow?

No. No, his dark opponent was faster than any Levi could remember facing before.

The window opened—no, it’d been open already, there’d just been no breeze to alert him—and the shadow slipped outside. Growling, Levi shoved his head out and looked. Large, male footsteps dotted the snow upon the ledge, and then vanished. In the early morning dark, the figure had escaped. Levi was halfway out the window when two things stopped him. One, he was utterly naked, and even he’d find it hard not to get arrested if he ran around Mitras in the snow with only a knife and his dick on display. Two, Petra had woken, and was calling for him.

“Levi! Wha?” She sounded half-asleep, but panicked. He shut the window, and quickly lit a candle. He paced the room before going to her, checking every damn corner and doorway to make sure no one else was here. The bathroom, the closet, everything got inspected. He was tempted to check under the damn bed, but Petra wouldn’t be put off any longer. “What happened?” She crawled across the bed to him, gripped his hands. Levi slowly put the knife down.

“You okay?” He inspected her—yes, she was fine. Unhurt, looking beautiful with her rumpled hair and sleep-swollen face. He kissed her lips and face, greedy for her. It was less about romance and more about assuring himself she was still here and warm. His. All his.

“I’m fine. Was someone in the room?” Even though they were alone now, she snatched at the sheets to cover herself.

“Yeah. I don’t know how the fuck he got in. Could’ve been a thief? But who the fuck…” Levi’s voice died as he saw the wall beside their bed.

A knife was embedded in the plaster, pinning a note.

And around the knife’s handle hung Petra’s necklace.

“Petra. Did you take that off before you went to sleep?”

“Oh!” She fumbled at her bare throat, as if the pendant would somehow magically materialize there. “No. I said I’d never take it off. But… That means…”

The fucker had taken off her necklace without her even knowing about it. He was that deft and skillful. Levi’s blood chilled at the fact that the creep had taken the jewel off of Petra and hadn’t stolen it. No self-respecting thief would be that much of an idiot.

Whoever’d broken in here hadn’t been after money. He’d wanted to leave a message.

“Here.” Levi gave Petra her necklace back, which she fussed over and cradled in her hands. Then he pulled the knife from the wall and opened the note’s envelope. Levi yanked out a card with no words. Only an image.

A red hand. Levi’s mind stopped for a moment. Everything disappeared in a flash of white.

_They found me._

Levi dropped the card, let it flutter to the carpet. He stared at the closed window, his blood ice in his veins.

“Levi. What’s going on?” Petra picked up the card and stared at it for a while, as if trying to get it to mean something. She failed.

“Get dressed,” he said hoarsely. “Pack everything. I need to get you out of here.”

“What?” Petra sat up on her knees, clasping her necklace back on. “If you think I’m leaving now—”

“Petra, that’s an order,” he barked. Normally she’d quail and do everything he said with sweet obedience, but this time fire ignited in her eyes.

“We’re not on duty right now. Tell me what’s going on.”

Fuck, this was a part of relationships he hated: having to talk to the other about stuff that you could take care of on your own.

“Just do what I say and when we’re back in Trost I’ll tell you.”

“I’ll do what you say, but I want to know why.” She definitely wilted a bit under his glare, but did not back down. “I’m not kidding. This will be easier if you just talk to me.”

Levi exhaled sharply through his nose. Damn stubborn brat.

“Get dressed. Pack. And if you do, before you leave I’ll tell you everything.”

“I can’t leave without you.”

“When I tell you what this means,” he said, brandishing the card, “you’ll see why you have to do just that. Understood?”

Petra wavered a moment, then nodded. “Yes, sir.”

 

The staff was a bit surprised to find Levi and Petra in the lobby at five in the morning with their bags packed and coats on. Levi rang the bell impatiently, over and over again, until one of the deskmen stumbled over to them, bleary with sleep. His shirt was barely tucked into his pants, and he stifled a yawn as he slung his blue serving coat on.

“Yes, Captain?” He sounded kinda pissed. If Levi hadn’t been in a damn hurry, he might’ve paused to teach the brat some manners.

“I need to check her out early.” He nodded at Petra. “I want her horse saddled and ready for her in forty minutes. Not a second later than that, you understand?”

“Captain. Our groom hasn’t even woken up yet. It’s too early for—”

“Do you want me to have to tell you all that again?” Levi glowered at the man, and even in the dim light he could see the prick knew he was serious. Very serious. The guy swallowed visibly. “Get it done. Then I’ll be waiting in this lobby until my package arrives later this morning. Got it?”

“Yes, Captain.”

Levi led Petra outside. The faintest line of pink and gray was on the horizon. Wistfully, Levi thought of a few mere mornings earlier, when Petra had found him in the stables after their night at the ball. When he’d brought her back to his room and they’d made love for the first time. How had everything so peaceful and good turned to shit so fast?

Maybe it really was his destiny to ruin everything he touched. Fuck that.

“Where are we going?” Petra asked, her hand clamped in his. Levi would not let her go.

“You want to know about me, Petra?” he growled, leading her on through the winding city streets. He knew where they were going. It was such a short walk, really, from all this wealth and luxury to its exact fucking opposite. “I’m going to give you a little history lesson.”

_Levi had been six, squatting on the floor weeping over his mother’s ripped blouse. It was all he’d had left of her, and it was ruined. Kenny had taken him by the shoulders and whacked him once across the face._ Oi, pussies cry. You gonna be a fuckin’ pussy? _Then Kenny tore the blouse to shreds and threw it in a ball outside. Levi had gone nearly insane, screaming and sobbing and clawing at Kenny’s leg. The man had dragged Levi into the bedroom by the scruff of his neck, removed his belt, and whipped Levi across the back of his legs over and over until the crying stopped._

_Levi stopped crying completely after that. Eventually, he wasn’t sure he remembered how to do it at all._

“What is this place?” Petra whispered as they neared a descending flight of stairs. A doorway at the bottom was closed, but Levi knew that behind that doorway was many, many more stairs. Being this near to it, his heart beat faster.

_Levi had been twelve, bleeding from his mouth after Kenny had hit him. This time, Levi hit back._ Good, Levi. Ya can best me, ya can best the worst of ‘em. Oi oi oi, slow down, ya li’l runt bastard.

Fuck you! _Levi lashed out again, but Kenny sidestepped him. Fury clouded Levi’s mind, back when he’d had a temper and had shown how he felt to the world._ You’re a real piece of shit, Kenny. A piece of shit’s piece of shit. Wish my whore mother’d never spread her legs for y—

_Kenny grabbed Levi by the head and slammed his skull against the wall four or five times. At some point Levi ended up on the floor, certain he was about to die. As the world vibrated before him, Kenny leaned down with the most horrifying sneer Levi had yet seen._

Ya ever speak ‘bout your mother like that again, you loathsome little cunt, and I’ll kill ya.

_And Levi believed him._

“This,” Levi said, with a brief gesture to the underground door, “is where I came from.”

_Levi had been ten, walking directly after Kenny and trying to adopt his swagger, even hooking his thumbs through his belt loopholes in imitation of the man. Didn’t quite work, seeing as how he was much smaller and probably always would be. But he tried. The guys in the taverns and brothels would snicker and point at him—Kenny’s little shadow, they called him when they were being nice. When they were feeling less than nice, they’d say he was a shit Kenny was tracking all over the place._

_Levi watched a cage match Kenny had bet on, and Kenny lifted him onto his shoulders so Levi could see. It was magic, being picked up by Kenny, cheering with him, getting handed his first tankard of ale. Levi’d spit it out, but he’d still been part of it._

_“Fuck yeah, I won!” Kenny whooped when the other guy, a massive bruiser, went down with a broken nose. “Cheer, Levi! C’mon!”_

_And Levi had cheered and sworn at the loser, not giving a damn about what was happening. He cheered because Kenny liked it._

“My mother was a prostitute in the underground,” Levi rasped. He had not wanted Petra to know the sordid details of his past, but there was no other way now. “I don’t know who my father was. Some client. When I was four years old, she died of a disease.”

“Levi,” Petra breathed.

“No. Don’t talk ‘til I’m done.” She quieted herself. “I would’ve starved to death in that room in the brothel if some guy passing through hadn’t picked me up. Probably one of her old clients. He saved me, raised me until I was twelve.” Levi breathed deeply; this was his least favorite part. “Ever hear of Kenny the Ripper?”

“Kenny the…” Petra’s eyes widened as she understood. “I thought he was a legend or something.”

“He was real. He taught me everything I know.” Levi ground his teeth. “How to use a knife. How to negotiate. How to kill. Enough so that when he left me behind, I could take care of myself. And I did, Petra. I was in and out of gangs from the time I was thirteen years old. I’ve been on the Military Police’s shit list since before I had hair on my balls. I stole from merchants. I broke into people’s houses, robbed them. I acted as muscle when negotiations went south.” He swallowed. “I killed people. None that didn’t have it coming, but I did it.”

_That’s who’s been inside you multiple times._ He couldn’t bear to speak those words. Petra’s bright amber eyes filled with tears. He almost couldn’t bear it when she touched his face.

“You had to survive somehow,” she said quietly. Fuck, her empathy. Her sweetness. He didn’t deserve her.

“I got a reputation in the underground. I was the strongest, so strong that I got sick of being any other person’s bitch. I had a gang of my own—well, sort of. Two permanent members.” Isabel and Furlan flashed through his mind briefly. He put them away. “And others who came and went. Most of them were decent people, or would’ve been if they’d had any other way to make a living. But there were other gangs, gangs I’d been a part of when I was younger. Gangs whose big dream wasn’t to make it to the surface, like me. They liked it in the dark. And the worst of them,” he said, holding up the card, “was the Red Hand. Their main guy, Rott, he didn’t like me. I crossed them a couple times; took over their territory. Anyone who came after me I killed. When Erwin found me underground—when he brought me up here, to the Survey Corps—I had some unfinished business with the Red Hand’s leader. It was that sort of unspoken agreement, almost like a code of honor: next time we meet, one dies. Well, I sorta skipped town before that happened. Didn’t exactly mean to, since Erwin dragged me out of there in chains.” Petra gasped at that. To her, the idea that Levi and Erwin hadn’t always been close as brothers probably sounded absurd. “But I know Rott held a grudge. Now, he knows I’m in Mitras. He wants to let me know there’s no escape.”

“He left you a calling card?”

“Exactly. And he had them put your necklace around the knife. It’s clear, Petra. To get to me, they’ll threaten you. And I can’t have that, not ever.” He cupped her face in his hands, drew her close to him. Those soft eyes of hers, that pink little mouth…she was everything that was pure in this world. Everything that was good. “Now I’ve gotta stay to collect Erwin’s money, but if you leave right now there won’t be time for the Red Hand to follow through on the threat. I can handle anything as long as you’re safe.”

“I can—”

“Don’t insult me by saying you can help. You can’t. Trust me on this,” he growled. She worried her lip, but nodded.

“But please come with me. They can send the money on. The Commander didn’t know this would happen to you.”

Levi shook his head. The idea of not following through on one of Erwin’s orders was almost sacrilege.

“I need to get that money.”

“But why?”

“Because it’s more than the money. It’s him. Erwin saved me, Petra. He saved me from nothing. If he hadn’t pulled me out of the underground, I might’ve rotted away there. Maybe I’d have escaped to Mitras, become a shopkeeper, but it would’ve been hell. Hell’s being alive with no purpose. Erwin gave me a purpose, Petra. He gave me something to believe in, and do. And even though he didn’t mean to, he gave me you as well.”

“Me?”

“Would we ever have met if I’d lived my life underground?” Her faint blush answered his question. “I owe Erwin Smith every damn thing in my life that I care about. So if he wants his money, he gets it. But you don’t have to be part of it. Make my life easier, Petra.”

“But…the Commander gave us this job together.”

“No. He gave us a few days to know if this is what we want. I have my answer.” Levi prepared himself. “Now that you know about me, what do you say?”

“Yes.” Her reply was instant. “I want to be with you.”

The sunlight haloed her fiery hair, turned her fair complexion peach. She was golden, this one. The type of girl he’d dreamed of when he’d been sleeping on a dirty floor, listening to his other roommate listlessly fuck some woman in the next room. Levi pictured an image he’d seen in one of the Wallist churches, a stained glass window display. In it, a giant golden man opened his hands and revealed a tiny girl sleeping peacefully inside his grasp. That was Erwin, the god, and Petra, the gift. That’s how Levi would see it from now on.

“Then go back to Trost and wait for me. It’s the last order I’ll give you as your captain. Will you do it?”

“Yes, sir,” she whispered. Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in and kissed her. She folded into his embrace, and Levi forgot for a second that it was cold and people might see them. He kissed her again and again, held her tight in his arms. She tasted like mint and snow, fresh and clean as a winter morning. He loved all things that were clean, and her in particular.

He kissed her again and again with the painful knowledge that he’d have to say goodbye to her soon. Hopefully, they’d only be apart a day at the most. Hopefully.

Levi had never had much occasion to hope. But he might have it now.

 

“Sorry you’re gonna have to navigate the roads when it’s just dawn.” Levi led Petra to her horse, saddled and ready as promised. The guy from the front desk watched from the inn’s window with terrified eyes, making sure it was what Levi wanted. Levi unwound his own scarf and tied it around Petra. She nestled into it, sighing with relief at the warmth. “It should thaw a little in a few hours.”

“I’ll be careful. Promise you will be, too.” She clung to him by his lapels. Worried about him. Levi hadn’t been fussed over since before he could remember. He kind of liked it.

“I should be on the road in a few hours. Matter of fact, wait for me at the Boar’s Field tavern.” The Survey Corps always stopped there on the road to Mitras. “I’ll try to be with you by this evening. If I’m not, keep going to Trost tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll wait.” She kissed him again, moaning a little against his lips. Levi’s cock stirred; fuck, they had to calm down a little. “I don’t want to leave you,” she whispered against his cheek.

He didn’t want her to leave either. But that’s why she had to.

“The tavern. Wait for me.” He put his lips to her ear. “I love you, you damn brat.”

She gasped, and clung to him. Fuck, one more kiss, then two. Then three. Enough. They had to be professionals about this. Levi broke away and helped her onto the horse. Petra’s satchel was loaded as well. She held a gloved hand down to him, and he clasped it. He drank in the sight of her gold and amber face, and hated that being apart from her for only a few hours would be so painful.

He had to be careful. Love was a drug. He’d heard it before, and had never believed it.

He’d been an idiot.

“Be safe,” he said. “And follow orders.”

“Yes, Captain.”

With that, Petra urged her horse forward. Levi watched as they passed out of the inn’s courtyard. The second they were out of sight, he turned on his heel and went into the inn’s lobby to wait for his delivery.

And he was fucking relieved. With her out of the city, Rott and his fucking gang couldn’t really hurt him. By the time they realized he was alone—and no gang member would ever want to face Levi alone—he’d have collected the money. He’d be on his way. Levi hated to run from an old enemy, but he had no choice. Erwin needed him, and so did Petra.

For three more hours, Levi sat in the lobby. The nervous staff brought him tea, which he accepted gratefully. Cup after cup warmed his hands and stomach, and his heart rate began to steadily slow. By now Petra would be well on the road, and out of their reach. It was all right. Thank fuck that Rott had wanted to scare Levi before killing his girl; if he’d woken up beside Petra’s bloody corpse…

He shoved those thoughts away. Hadn’t happened. One mercy shown to him in this shitty life.

“Captain Levi?” A woman behind the front desk summoned him away from the fire. A young man in the blue uniform of a postal courier stood by the desk. He placed a large briefcase down, and added a couple of leather bags beside it.

“The bags are from Lady Schellhardt and Lord Maxim,” the boy said when Levi unclasped them. Good. Tidy bills in tidy rolls. Just how he liked it. “And the briefcase is three thousand from Lord Siegfried Morgenstern.”

Levi unclasped the case, breathing out in relief. The big sum. The amount Erwin needed to fully reequip them. He opened the case.

When he saw what was inside, Levi grabbed the delivery boy by his collar and yanked him down to Levi’s own level. The kid’s acned chin hit the wooden desktop, and the girl behind it shrieked.

“Who the fuck sent you?” Levi growled.

“L-Lord Maxim! I came from him l-last!” The kid swallowed. “Please, Captain!”

Levi let the kid go. The boy fell to the floor, wheezing and tugging at his collar, while Levi picked up handfuls and handfuls of what was in the briefcase.

Cards.

Cards with red hands printed upon them.

Idiot. Fucking moron. He’d been so focused on getting Petra out of the city he’d never thought that they’d know of another way to strike at him.

The Red Hand had his money. _Erwin’s_ money.

Levi bared his teeth, and slammed the case shut.

Now it was fucking war.


	5. Chapter 5

“Nile! Quit shoving your head up your own ass and listen to me.”

Levi could already hear Erwin’s resigned sigh. Levi’d never been the best at getting people to do what he wanted, not without threats or force. But even for him, the way he was handling Nile Dok now was…something special.

Maybe Levi had just never liked the Military Police’s Commander. Why? Too many reasons. He hated the guy’s narrow face and wispy beard; looked like he’d grown fucking pubic hair on his chin. He hated the MPs to begin with, and their Commander didn’t inspire any special affection; Levi’d always be a slum kid in his heart. He hated the way Nile lorded his position over the supposed morons in the Survey Corps—he saw them all as crazy assholes catapulting themselves towards death. Fuck him.

And, when Levi’s eye strayed across Nile’s desk and he saw a framed sketch of the man’s family—Marie, and the two little girls—Levi wanted to turn the damn desk over. Erwin had loved Marie, and Nile had taken her away from him. There could be no other explanation. Erwin could hem and haw about wanting only his career, but it couldn’t be the whole truth. Levi hated to think of Nile Dok’s hands on the woman Erwin had wanted. If he could’ve, he might’ve just gone to Nile’s home, picked Marie up, carried her back to Trost and left her in Erwin’s room. His Commander could decide what was to be done from there.

Petra’d probably give him hell for even toying with the idea of abducting a woman. Tch. Any woman’d be happier with Erwin Smith than Nile “pube chin” Dok. Marie’d thank him.

Right now, though, Levi didn’t have time for these thoughts.

Nile Dok sat behind his bigass desk, toying with a lacquered pen that looked like it probably cost good coin. He peered down his thin, angular nose at Levi. The MP Commander’s lip curled in a sneer, like Levi was a bad smell he wanted out of the office.

The dislike he felt for Nile was definitely mutual. But Dok, despite Levi’s disdain, wasn’t actually a bad man. Levi knew that; he tried to remember it.

“I’m listening very carefully, Captain. I just haven’t heard anything that makes me feel the need to spring into action with my men.”

Levi slapped his hands upon the desk and leaned in. Nile dropped the pen. Good. Levi narrowed his eyes.

“There’s been a major theft of three thousand in gold that’s supposed to go to the Survey Corps. Since it’s the Military Police’s job to _stop crime_ , I’m thinkin’ you should get your shitty ass in gear and do what you’re fucking paid to do.”

Nile breathed out through his nose. It whistled.

“Yes. The Red Hand, as you said. They’ve been on our surveillance list for quite a while now.”

“They left their calling cards in the case that was supposed to have the money. Thousands of ‘em. The delivery kid told me that he only left the case alone for two minutes while he rang for Lady Schellhardt. That means they snatched it somewhere on the Reissbaum Avenue. If we start there—”

“This _is_ serious, Captain, but I’m afraid my hands are a bit tied at the moment. Erwin’s disappearing gold is not the most pressing issue I have with the underground right now. There’s been plague in the southeastern quarter we’ve had to work to quarantine, and several crates of mining explosives were stolen from a merchant’s warehouse not one week ago. _That_ has all of my available men working around the clock. Add to that the king’s personal retinue, plus security for the upcoming midwinter parade through the center of Mitras, and we’re stretched thin. We _will_ take action as soon as possible.”

“In a few hours?”

“Days, most likely.”

Levi growled. “Not good enough. I know how these fuckers work, Nile. If we’re not on their tail in the next twelve hours, that money is gone for good. They’ll launder it, stow it, get it out of the underground, do whatever they have to. But it’ll be like it never existed.”

Nile pressed his hands together and propped his chin up with his fingers. “I suppose asking your benefactor for more would be out of the question?”

Levi gritted his teeth. “Lord Siegfried Morgenstern is…not someone we want to deal with more than we need to. That’s what Erwin’d say.”

Nile, who’d been present at the Morgenstern party a few days before, recalled very vividly what had happened. It had been a night no one would forget, ever. He nodded.

“Is so much gold really necessary right now?”

“We have to reequip every soldier, get a new stable full of horses, buy more blades. Shit that costs money. If we don’t get the coin, our lives could get a lot shorter out beyond the Walls.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

Levi’s eye twitched. “Bet you think you took the smarter path, huh? Not joining the Corps?”

Nile’s lips pursed in a thin line. “I respect Erwin’s decisions, even though I think they’re misguided. You probably think I’m a bastard for saying that.”

“I don’t think of you much at all, Nile.” Levi resisted the urge to grab the man by his shirt. “So you’re not gonna help?”

“When. I have. The manpower. Not before.” Nile picked up his pen once more, shook it, and wrote on some paper in smooth, flowing lines of black ink. “In the meantime, I’d suggest going back to Trost. There’s nothing you can do here.”

“I can stay on your asses and see this shit gets handled.”

“If you don’t want to compromise Erwin’s money further, I wouldn’t suggest that.” Nile looked up, and for the first time Levi saw genuine rage in the man’s eyes. “You’re not in the underground anymore, _Captain._ You have Erwin to thank for that, I know. Believe me.” Nile gritted his teeth. “If he’d turned you over to the Military Police, you’d have been six years dead by now. That we’re having this conversation without you in chains is proof that this world really has turned into hell.”

“See, that’s what a surface pissant like you could never understand.” Levi’s vision shook with fury, but he would not hit this man. If he did, Erwin’d be in worse trouble. “This world never turned into hell. It _is_ hell. We only get a few minutes now and again to make us think it’s better than that. That, and the hope that one day it might not be hell, is the only reason to get up and fight.”

“Moving words.” Nile looked at him with disdain. “Your outlook, Captain, is truly a product of your upbringing. I’m sorry it’s warped you to such an extent, but—”

Levi’s hand moved faster than his brain. He clutched at Nile’s shirt collar, felt the cold press of his bolo tie. He did not hurt Nile, or drag him over the desk; he only let the Commander feel Levi’s grip. Nile went still, still as a rabbit that knows it’s got its foot in a snare and is trying to find a way out without triggering the trap.

“You don’t get to talk about where I come from. You MPs and your shitty…the way you look down your nose…” Levi swallowed. His brain was on fire. He had to let Nile go, or things would go further downhill. “You convinced me. Do whatever you want. Sit on your ass in your cushy office and count the days to retirement. But stay the fuck outta my way.”

Nile adjusted his tie as Levi released him. When he spoke, his voice was distinctly quieter.

“I don’t want you in my office again, Captain. For Erwin’s sake.”

For Erwin’s sake, Levi would gladly never lay eyes on Nile again. Nile’d broken the Commander’s heart when he took his woman, and when he abandoned Erwin to his goal of saving humanity all by himself. Was there anything else of Erwin Smith that Nile Dok, a lesser thing in every fucking way, could take? Levi hoped not.

No. He would not let this gold slip through Nile Dok’s incompetent fingers.

“See you in hell, I guess,” Levi growled in reply. He turned and walked out the door without a backward glance. He strode through the hallways of the Military Police headquarters. They were cushy and carpeted—of course they were. People leaned out of doorways or whispered to one another as he passed. Levi paid no attention, only walked to the front door…then turned around. He went to the man at the front desk, the one who collected names and complaints before sending them up the proper channels. He was a small, weedy looking guy. Levi wondered how he’d ever made it to the top ten in his training year. Maybe it’d been a real shitty class.

The man blinked in awe. “C-Captain Levi?”

“Can you arrange for a message to get to the Survey Corps’ barracks in Trost?”

The guy nodded. Levi took a pen, paper, and scrawled a brief note. It merely said:

_Erwin—_

_Be a few extra days. Everything will be fine. Explain when I see you._

_L_

Levi’s hand cramped from working extra hard to make his writing neat. He’d spent hours when he came to the surface copying and copying his letters until they looked almost too rigid. Levi glared at the words, the black letters marching like ants across the page. He wanted to tell Erwin what’d happened, but couldn’t. Pride, mostly, and also the fear that Erwin would come back if he knew the extent of what’d gone down. If Erwin came back, he might go hunting for Levi.

And that was too dangerous.

Levi closed the envelope, scribbled the address, and handed it to the desk man.

“Thanks.”

With that, Levi marched out the door, pulling his collar up against the winter chill. He knew what he had to do now.

 

One hour later, Levi stood in his cheapest clothes at the edge of the stairwell, looking down at the doorway. The afternoon sun was beginning its quick slide to evening, and the door looked murkier than it had this morning, when he’d shown it to Petra.

Petra. He wanted to hold her, bury his face in her hair and let her soothe him. At least she was safe. He ached a bit to know that he would not see her tonight, but he was doing this for her as much as anything else. She would be safer with the equipment this money could provide.

Levi started down the steps. No guards at the doorway to the underground. No, the rich could come and go as they pleased. The poor were stuck.

_“Oi, Levi. Yer holdin’ that handle the wrong way.”_

_Kenny adjusting his five year old hands on the blade, readjusting until it was like an extension of Levi’s own arm._

He was nearly at the bottom of the stairwell. His heart was in his throat.

_“Levi! Watch me, watch. I’m gonna be the_ best _, better than both of you! Ha!”_

_Isabel with her pigtails, flying through the air on her ODM before tangling herself up. Furlan laughing, Levi fighting not to laugh._

Levi put his hand on the doorknob. Six years. He hadn’t been back in six years.

_Levi standing over the fallen body of a man twice his size and age, triumphant, the knife in his hand as he looked up and saw Kenny walking away from him. Never looked back once. It took Levi two days of sitting in the empty apartment until he could accept that Kenny was never coming back. He’d tried to cry, but had broken all the furniture instead, thrown it out the window, and left to find his own way forward._

Levi opened the door into darkness. He stared ahead, listening to the faraway drip of some water, smelling the sour air. Below his feet, a whole city of people were struggling and dying and fucking and fighting. Might as well join them.

He entered, and the door closed behind him.

***

By the time Petra arrived at the Boar’s Field inn, she felt frozen to her core. She tutted and apologized to her horse as the groom led her to the stable. Petra knocked her boots against the doorframe to get the snow and ice off, then stepped into the inn’s front hall. She unwound Levi’s scarf and nearly melted on the spot. The entrance and dining room were wonderfully warm. A blazing fire had been laid in the great stone hearth, and the good-sized crowd livened the atmosphere considerably. Boars’ heads were mounted upon the walls, lending the place its name. It smelled of beer and sausage in here, and Petra’s stomach rumbled. Petra scanned the room quickly, heart in her throat, but did not see Levi. She shook her head. Idiot. Levi had left hours after her; he wouldn’t be here for a while yet.

Petra asked for a seat by the fire, a pot of tea, and that the staff keep a lookout for a short man with black hair and a scowl. She seated herself in front of the hearth, rubbing her hands and warming her palms. She smiled to herself to think of Levi’s scowl.

_When I get him alone, he won’t be scowling any longer._

She nearly blushed and giggled at the thought. Petra shook her head. She was on the verge of acting like a lovestruck child, and she was better than that. But as she poured the tea and sipped while gazing into the fire, she marveled that it was possible to feel this way. To want someone with you always, to want to do everything with them. To think of them and smile, or hear a joke and be anxious to tell it to them. Logically, she and Levi made no sense together. The age gap was the least of their worries. Their personalities were quite different, the same as their tastes.

But they had equal passion, and they shared a goal. They enjoyed hearing the other talk. If Petra had been presented with Levi on paper, she would have rejected him outright. Perhaps this was what Nifa meant when she talked about a certain electric charge. “Some people spark to each other, and some don’t.”

There was no logic in love, apparently. Love. Petra nestled into her seat, a smile playing on her lips. There was nothing in the world like being in love with someone who loved you back. Her heart broke with the thought that not everyone knew this feeling.

_You’re still on a mission. Wait for L—the captain, and return to Trost. Only then can you start thinking about…all this._

Petra was a good soldier. She put her thoughts away and drank her tea. But she kept smiling.

“Excuse me?” A woman stood in front of Petra. “Mind if I sit across from you?”

“Oh! No, not at all.” Petra gestured at the chair opposite. “All yours.”

“Thanks. It’s been a hell of a trip down. The roads are practically frozen.”

“I know.” Petra sighed. “I didn’t think the road from Mitras could feel so long.”

“Mmm.” The woman sat back and slung her right leg over her left. Petra took a moment to study her. She was a strikingly beautiful woman, tall and blonde, with icy blue eyes and a perfectly formed mouth. She looked lean and well-muscled, at least from what Petra could see. In fact, Petra would have called her gorgeous, but something was…well, off. There was a tightness in the other woman’s face, and a blank coldness in her blue eyes. When the woman smiled, and asked what kind of tea Petra was drinking, it felt weirdly like a performance. Like the woman was the outer shell of a house with no furniture within, a vacant sign in the window.

_I’m being incredibly bitchy._ Petra was disappointed in herself. She wasn’t normally like this. Probably the cold had made her irritable.

“Just black tea. You can have some of mine, if you like. I’ll get an extra cup.”

“You wouldn’t mind?” The woman seemed impressed. “You’re generous.”

“Tea always tastes better with two.” At least, it had always tasted better with Levi. Petra tried to brush him from her mind as the second cup arrived. “I’m Petra. You are?”

“Traute,” the woman said, and sipped her tea. Petra tried not to visibly react. What an…odd name.

“Where are you coming from?”

“Mitras. On my way to Trost. You?”

“The same!”

“Hmm. Well, if we leave at the same time we can share the road.”

“Oh, I’d love to, but I’m waiting on someone. My captain.” Petra had nearly fumbled and said ‘my boyfriend.’ What a childish word. Levi and the word boyfriend absolutely clashed against one another.

“No worries. Hope he gets here soon.” Traute took another sip of tea, but paused. “Wait. Captain? You’re in the military?”

“Yes, Survey Corps.” Petra was still in her civilian clothes, but she plucked at the green Survey Corps cloak hanging over her chair’s back.

“Survey Corps.” Traute went still, as if calculating something. “Damn.”

“Um. What’s that mean?” Petra put her cup down and sat forward.

“Well, you must’ve heard what’s going on in Mitras right now.”

“I left early this morning.” Petra’s heart was thunder in her chest. “What happened?”

“There was a theft. Three thousand in gold for the Survey Corps, stolen out from under their noses.” Traute put a hand to her chest. “I’m in the Military Police. I’ve been sent to ride down to Trost as fast as I can, to bring Commander Smith up to date on the situation. Wait.” Now Traute paled a bit. “You’re not waiting on Captain Levi, are you?”

Petra felt that she’d suddenly been tossed into a whirlwind. She stammered a moment, trying to get all these facts in proper order. “What…what about the captain?”

Traute rubbed her chin. “If you’re waiting on the captain, you’ll be waiting a long time. He went rogue.”

“Rogue.” Petra barely understood the word, she was so out of her own body and mind. She licked her lips. “I’m sorry, I, I’m confused. What are you talking about?”

“Sorry, I should go slower.” Traute leaned nearer, almost whispered. “We’re stretched thin right now in the MPs, and Captain Levi wanted to get to work on locating the money as soon as possible. Commander Dok couldn’t promise him what he needed when he needed it, so he told the Commander to, well, forget it. Then he left a note with the front desk, and.” Traute sighed deeply. “He went into the underground to find the money himself. That’s why I’m rushing to Commander Smith. He needs to decide what he wants to do about this.”

Levi. Levi had gone back down into the underground city? Levi was going to find the Commander’s money? By himself?

He would take on an entire gang, one whose leader wanted to kill him no less, all by _himself_?

“I.” Petra swallowed. “I…I don’t know. I…”

“Here. Look.” Traute dug a letter from her jacket’s pocket. “I’m supposed to give this to the Commander personally. We already opened it, standard operation when it comes to interoffice correspondence. See for yourself.”

Petra recognized the captain’s blocky handwriting. He told the Commander he’d be there in a few days. He’d explain. Petra’s hands, warmed by the fire, were suddenly cold again. She dropped the letter, which fluttered to the floor, and leaned back in her chair.

“Le—Captain Levi was supposed to meet me here.” She felt stunned as she said it. Traute folded the letter back up and slipped it into her pocket.

“Look, I’m glad I caught up with you. Why don’t we keep traveling together? When we reach Trost, you’ll be able to explain to the Commander better than I will.”

Levi was alone, in a dark and dirty place with cruel faces all around him. Petra knew that he was the most capable man in the world, that he could crush monsters with a single blow. But he was still only one man, and there were so many down there who were not as noble and twice as hungry…

_He can take care of himself._

But it was more than fear for him. Petra needed to see him, touch him, take on part of his burdens. Her heart beat faster at the thought of him fighting through his demons down there all alone. He’d come from hell, and now he was thrusting himself back into it.

She wasn’t worried about him physically. Mentally, what if…he broke?

“You’ll put the letter in the Commander’s hand?” Petra asked. Traute looked surprised.

“Yeah. It’s my job.”

“Then tell him Petra Ral went back for Captain Levi. Tell him to send back up, all that he can.” She stood, threw down some coins for the tea, and slung her cloak around her shoulders. She wound her scarf back about her neck, and felt the cold kiss of her topaz against her fingers. Levi’s present. “I’m going to do what I can to get the Military Police to take this seriously.”

“They won’t listen—” Traute began.

“They haven’t talked to me yet.” Petra was ablaze with feeling, but managed to nod to Traute as she headed for the door. “Thank you. I’m glad we met up.”

“I’m sorry I had bad news for you.” Traute looked grim.

But Petra had always preferred the truth to blissful ignorance. Even though her eyes stung with the thought of that cold, and even though she knew it would be hard on her horse, Petra ran back outside to the stables.

There was no time to waste. She needed to be in Mitras before night.

_Please, Levi. Wait for me._

***

Traute Carven did not much like tea, but she’d drunk it to put the girl at ease. She was calm when she got up from the fire, calm when she walked the stairs back up to the second floor. That was one reason the captain told her he’d selected her as his second: her impeccable calm. Then he’d mentioned her impeccable ass, and gone in for a squeeze. She’d put him in a joint lock.

He’d been delighted by that. They’d made a good team ever since.

“Well, sir?” She stood beside the captain, a tall, shadowy figure on the second floor’s landing. He looked over the railing, gazing after where the girl had gone. He coughed.

“Oi, second time I’ve seen her. Levi’s a lucky bastard. Spunky little thing. Bet she’s wild in bed.”

“I’m sure, sir.” Traute remained unflappable. “Captain, may I ask something?”

“Eh, ya gotta ask if ya can ask a question? Don’t be a weak little shit, Carven.”

“Given the nature of our assignment, wouldn’t it have been more effective to kidnap her? Bring her back ourselves? Why do we need to play these games?”

“Well, well. If it’d been up to me, we mighta done just that.” He took out his dagger and began expertly cleaning under his fingernails. “But ya gotta remember the goal here. It ain’t about the girl, and it ain’t about Levi. It’s about both of ‘em. All of ‘em, really. Orders are to observe naturally.” He sheathed his blade. “Much as we can, that is.”

“You’re taking the orders, captain?”

“Oi, oi, I always take orders ya damn brat.” He sneered at her, his eyes lost under the wide brim of his hat. His grizzled chin twitched. “Least when I think there’s something to ‘em.”

“And you think there’s something to these orders, then?”

“Ah, well sure, sure. But more’n that.” He tipped his hat back, so that she could see his eyes. They glimmered like blue fire. Old bastard though he might be, when the captain smiled like this he looked no older than thirty. “It’ll be a fuckin’ good time.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was the smell that he noticed first. Walking down the echoing stairwell, Levi paused to close his eyes and breathe it in. His brow furrowed; it wasn’t the smell most people associated with their childhoods, baking bread or the smoke of a kitchen fire. It was stale urine. He gagged on the stench of it, and hastened down the steps. Didn’t want to breathe this in longer than necessary.

Levi prayed to some indefinable deity he didn’t quite recognize that his shoes would not splash through anything disgusting.

Slowly, through the blackness, a dim light beckoned him on. It was not the warm light of the sun, but the flickering of something false. Artificial light, deep under the ground where it should never have been. As Levi approached the gateway, exit into the underworld, he heard the murmuring of voices begin. They echoed far and away, reverberating in the space around him the closer he got. His stomach clenched, as did his fists. Noise, and false light, and piss. His childhood. His hometown.

“Sir?” A guard in livery stopped Levi. He wasn’t Military Police—no, the MPs didn’t own the entrances and exits to the underground. He wore the livery of some fine-ass lord’s house. The tolls they extracted went to keep the rich even richer, and fatter, and more fucking complacent. Levi narrowed his eyes, and the guard retreated a step on instinct. “There’s an entrance fee.”

“You think I came down here for a good time?” he growled. The guard swallowed, but remained firm.

“What you want to do here isn’t our concern, of course.”

“No. No, you only give a shit when starving women want to take their kids upstairs for a peek at the sun. Or when people with bone disease beg to be carted up for some fresh air. Then you really give a shit, don’t you?”

“S-Sir?” The man looked frightened now. Maybe Levi wasn’t being as friendly as he could be. Oh well.

“Here.” Levi flipped a coin, and the man caught it. Didn’t check to see if it was enough. Good call. “Get out of my way.”

The man stepped aside as Levi shouldered his way onto the dirt road and glanced around at the gaping cavern he’d called home for nearly thirty years.

The underground city was one giant tomb, a hollow in the earth upheld by massive pillars of stone, stalagmites and stalactites of granite. Torches and lanterns illuminated what they could, but their light was flickering and ghostly. Faces always appeared sallow and sickly in that light, the craters of eyes darkened, the sharp juts of cheekbones lending a skull-like appearance. The roads were dirt, and most of the houses were crumbling clay. Levi’s old apartment, the one he’d shared with Isabel and Furlan, was somewhere in the center of this suffocating maze.

He walked down the road, passing shoeless men leaned up against buildings. Their faces were grizzled, their eyes fluttering between wake and sleep, their mouths gaping open. Women huddled with children over fires in garbage cans, and watched Levi with eyes that were ancient. He saw his mother for one brief second, hanging out their few scraps of clothing on a sagging laundry line, washing between her legs to prepare for the “customers” that night. Crying when she thought he wasn’t looking, laughing when she knew he was.

On impulse, he walked over to the women. They watched him warily, undoubtedly wondering what a surface-dweller wanted, probably thinking how much they’d sell of themselves to buy food for their kids.

“Here,” he grunted, and thrust a few coins at them. The women took the money like they didn’t know what it was, and he walked on without comment.

Levi stalked the streets of his hometown, looking left to right as he passed into the labyrinth of shitty buildings. Someone sat on the roof overhead and whistled a dull tune. There were scuffles happening in darkened alleyways, people fighting over bread or fighting just for the hell of it. Most of them looked young, rough behind the ears. Scraped knees, scabbed knuckles. Him once upon a time. One of the street toughs looked up, spat blood, and sneered at him.

“What you lookin’ at, grampa?”

Levi didn’t bother teaching the brat a lesson. He saw himself, and had to look away.

Once, the streets of this city might’ve had names, but they’d long ago forgotten them. Hunger Row, Piss Alley, Avenue of Shit. The colorful names he’d dubbed them long ago, some with Kenny, some with the acquaintances he’d made after Kenny’s departure. Until Furlan came into his life, Levi hadn’t known friendship. It’d been weird to have someone around who just liked him for him, not for what he could do. And Isabel, well, rescuing her from a garbage heap had been one of his few good moves. He could never have left them in this hell.

Which was why they were dead.

_Stop thinking about them._

At least they’d got to see beyond the walls before they died, which was a damn sight more than anyone else here’d ever get to say. Levi paused to let two black rats scuttle across his path. He wrinkled his nose at the stink of garbage and shit in the alley next to him. He turned, and wended his way towards the western sector, the “nice” part of town. The streets there were swept clean, the rodents terminated, and the roads were a bit broader. The gang quarter, home to all the most powerful toughs in the underground.

Once, Levi had been a king here.

He walked through the shadows of the buildings, and recalled Furlan asking why they didn’t move themselves into the fancier part of town. Show themselves off.

Because, Levi’d answered, they were saving every bit of money possible for a move topside. And he didn’t want to rub shoulders with rapists and child killers and opium pushers. To get to the very top of the garbage heap down here, you had to be comfortable with more than just street warfare and theft. You had to be okay with ruining a few innocent lives.

And even at his worst, that was a line Levi could never cross. Didn’t have it in him. _Pussy_ , Kenny would’ve said.

As he headed into Murderers’ Row, Levi paused. There was a scuffle going on ahead, one between two little boys, maybe eight and ten, and some thick-necked lug with a bat tattooed across his shaved head. Another man came out of the dark alley to the kids’ left, a club brandished in his hands. One of the boys, the younger, squawked to see it.

Levi didn’t want trouble, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped.

“Oi,” he said. When the bat-head thug turned, he got Levi’s foot in his face. Teeth sprayed through the air as the bastard collapsed to the ground, unconscious on the instant. The two boys got to their feet and took off running, didn’t even look back. Fair enough. Levi didn’t expect hugs and gratitude.

“You son of a—” The other guy raised his club, but then it dropped from his hands. The guy seemed to turn white, whiter than even this sunless existence would allow. “Is…is it you? Oh, _fuck_.”

“Depends who you think I am,” Levi growled, picking up the club and whacking it against his palm. The street thug fell to his knees.

“L-Levi? They s-said you were in jail. Or dead.”

“Both wrong. Now listen, shit bird.” Levi shoved the club’s tip between the guy’s teeth. He sat there, sweating it out as Levi leaned nearer. “You beat up on kids again, I’ll take your fucking throat out. Understood?”

“Y-Yew doh unnerthan,” the guy said, but Levi thrust the club in further.

“You wanna choke on this? Shut the fuck up and get outta here.” As the man rose, Levi scanned the buildings around him. “Wait.” He held up a hand. “Got some use for you.”

“Oh?” The guy squeaked.

“How do I find Leviathan?” Levi asked.

 

Levi trailed the stammering guy along the Row, tapping the club against his palm intermittently and ignoring the other guy’s blubbering. At last, they came to one of the largest buildings in the Row, and thereby the whole damn underground. It was three stories, a rare achievement down here, with lights burning in every window. There was bustle in the first level—probably the casino, one of the few places in the underground where the rich from Mitras would actually go for fun and a fuck. Prostitution wasn’t illegal upstairs, but gambling was. And down here, a man could get away with treating a whore rougher than he could above.

Levi knew that very, very well. His skin tightened at the thought.

“I see you again, it better be while you’re helping some old lady cross the street. Got it, fuckhead?” Levi shoved the guy in the back with the club. The guy took off running, didn’t even say goodbye. Rude. Levi pushed open the door to the casino.

The lights were bright in here, a testament to how much the Leviathan group could spend on lamp oil. The craps table was full, as was a game of roulette in the corner. Men smoked foul cigars and played cards, slapping down winning hands on green felt tabletops while pretty girls in low-cut outfits sold drinks and tobacco. They giggled in a rehearsed manner whenever a man grabbed their asses. The girls looked tired, old beyond their years.

He could not help but think of Petra when he saw them. They were her age, maybe younger, but had none of her unspoiled sweetness, her peach-and-cream beauty. They could’ve been like her if luck hadn’t dealt them a shit hand. Levi had to look away. There was nothing he could do to help, not now.

Now, he had a mission.

As he made his way to the back of the room, he heard murmurs as he passed. He noticed people sneaking glances at him from the corners of their eyes. Yeah. His reputation definitely still preceded him down here. It maybe should’ve felt good, but really it made him want to get the fuck outta here. But not without that money.

“I’m looking for Eckhardt,” he said to a large bruiser of a man near the bar. The barkeep kept drying the same glass over and over as he gaped at Levi. The bruiser, probably a bouncer, only grunted and nodded. “I don’t need to give a name, do I?”

“No. Come with me.” The guy turned, and squeezed his muscled bulk up a narrow set of stairs. Levi followed, tapping the club against every other step. Y’know. Just for fun.

They passed up through the second floor, where a number of bedrooms waited for “private” audiences with the girls below. Levi’s gut squirmed at the thought that one or several of those girls might have kids tucked away in closets, sweetly dreaming while their mother fucked some random asshole three feet away. Levi shut his eyes, forced his thoughts to clear.

On the third floor, the bouncer deposited Levi in a large office, with huge windows that granted a view of the best the underground had to offer. Near the window stood a large, imposing desk. A chair was placed before the desk, for visitors. Levi preferred to stand.

“What’s this about?” the bouncer asked. Levi didn’t turn to answer.

“Tell him Levi’s here to collect his debt.”

No further questions. The huge man left, and Levi waited, his hands folded on top of the club, his feet apart. He scanned the walls, which boasted oil paintings of countryside and women in silk and furs. Contraband from above, most likely. A heavily ornamented rug covered most of the floor. Silk curtains were drawn on either side of the window. Stone lions decorated the mantel of a fireplace that had likely never seen a fire. Just for show. A display of wealth.

Leviathan was one of the five major gangs in the city. Levi had done business with all of them back in the day, one way or the other, but only Leviathan had ever needed his assistance so badly that they’d given him a blood pact. The boss, Eckhardt, had sliced open his own hand and shaken with Levi (who found the whole thing disgusting and washed a ton later.) The pact meant that whenever Levi found himself in a bind, the boss and his gang were honorbound to help him.

And if the gangs down here had the morality of a dead cockroach, they were entirely opposite in their code of honor. The code, down here, was everything, and abiding by it meant you were in the big leagues, not just a scummy urchin eking out a living in the shadows and sewers.

Leviathan would help.

Levi did not turn when the door opened behind him. He waited patiently as a few men filed into the room, some with tattoos scrawling up their necks, some with multiple piercings. They all dressed well, though—eh, well enough for thugs. Levi remembered his own clothes back in the day, his puffed trousers and popped collars, his brightly colored vests and knee high boots. Like peacocks, Erwin had said later, vying to be the most flamboyant and noticeable. Now in his drab civilian clothes, Levi found he couldn’t help being disgusted by the lack of taste.

Yeah. He’d really fucking changed.

The last to enter was a girl, young and slim and tall. She passed Levi on a cloud of lavender perfume, and walked up to the window to gaze out at the street below. He studied her from behind. Maybe Eckhardt’s new girl? She looked too damn young for that (though given his own relationship with Petra, maybe that was being a little hypocritical.) He waited while she watched outside. Finally, he cleared his throat.

“Hey. Is Eckhardt showing up for this meeting?”

“Hmm?” The girl turned and surveyed him with coal-black eyes. Then, “No one informed you?”

“Of what?”

“Eckhardt’s dead. He’s been gone the last three years.” The girl pulled out a chair and seated herself with ease behind the bigass desk. “A heart attack.”

Well, _fuck_. Levi’s mouth twitched in annoyance. Not his best news, but not the worst thing. Blood debts didn’t die with their givers, but were absorbed by the whole gang. Leviathan would still be duty bound to help him.

If he could convince them of the debt, that is.

“I’m—” he began.

“I know who you are. Captain.” The girl flashed a smile that was surprisingly white though a little crooked. “Not many of us make it out of the underground, let alone achieve fame and fortune.”

“The fame thing, sure. Fortune? Eh.” He squared his jaw. “I’m not here to revisit the old roots, though. I came here to call in a debt.”

“Do you not recognize me?” The girl’s brow furrowed. “At all?”

Levi blinked. He was not in the mood for this.

“I’m taking it you’re in charge of all this?” He gestured at the room and the surly-looking men. She nodded. “Nice job. You’re a little young for it. Impressive.”

“I try.” She sighed. “You don’t know me, do you?”

He tried to humor her. She couldn’t be more than twenty now, which meant she’d been a child when he left. She had black, depthless eyes in a pale, heart-shaped face. Her hair was extremely blonde, almost translucent with the lack of sunlight. She had bangs that hung to her dark eyebrows, and her obviously long hair was tied up at the back in a bun. She stood from behind the desk, and strode around to stand in front of it. She wore a clinging black dress, wrapped at the waist in a bow. Her boots were black leather and heeled, and at the edges of her plunged neckline he saw the satin frill of a red undergarment. Levi kept his eyes locked on her face.

Cute girl, no doubt. Taller than him by a few good inches even without the shoes. A little mole stood out near the tip of her bow lip. She watched him with wary eyes.

He didn’t know who the fuck she was.

“I’m not in the mood for games. We know each other?”

“Sofia,” she said, her voice throaty and low.

Levi wasn’t often surprised. He didn’t like how it felt. His eyebrows lifted a bit—for him, a huge display of emotion.

“Last I saw, you were a scrawny grub that came up to my knee.” Given his height, that really meant something. “You were, what, thirteen?”

“Fourteen. I grew.” She pulled her shoulders back, and smiled at him. “And I learned.”

Sofia had hung around Isabel, always yanking at her for attention. She’d wanted in on Levi’s gang, but he’d told her when she was older. Always when she was older. Once in a while, at Furlan’s urging, he’d buy her a meat pie. She’d devoured everything, sucking at her fingers for gravy. Isabel’d felt sorry for her, but that hadn’t stopped the girls from tussling every chance they got. To help handle themselves better in a fight, of course.

Sofia’d been an orphan of the streets. Didn’t remember her parents. Once, some brothel had tried to force her to work. Pedos paid good money, after all. Levi had killed them.

She’d been grateful.

“Good for you,” Levi said. He meant it in his own way, but his stomach chilled to think of someone this young doing whatever it took to rise through the ranks of Leviathan. The price to be queen was steep in this town, and often paid in blood. Not your own, of course. “Then I’m glad it’s you I’m dealing with for this. I need assistance. The Red Hand has something of mine, a case full of money. I need to get it back now, before they have a chance to launder it out. There’s no time to lose.”

“I see.” Sofia fluttered her lashes in pretty confusion. “But I don’t understand why you’ve come to me.”

Levi was going to try not to be rude.

“Eckhardt made a blood pact with me before I left the underground. I know you’re a kid, but you probably realize that obligates you as his successor.” Levi pulled the Red Hand’s calling card from his pocket and handed it over. Sofia took it, chewed her lip while she inspected it. “I don’t want bodies on the scene. I’m not asking for your men to back me. I can handle this myself. All I want is the location of their current headquarters, and information on anyone I should know about. That’s it. Do this, and the blood debt is paid.”

“You think you can take on all of the Red Hand by yourself?” Sofia looked up quizzically.

“I know I can.” It was not bravado. Just fact.

“Well. I have no doubt about that.” She handed back the card. “Unfortunately, Leviathan’s been in a difficult position with the Red Hand recently. They’ve been muscling in on our territory. I don’t want to give them an excuse to come back angrier than before. We just opened two new casinos in the district. They make easy targets.”

“I don’t think you understand. I’m calling in a blood debt. You’re responsible for it.”

“Do you have a signed contract? A paper stained with Eckhardt’s blood?” She crossed her arms. “All I have so far is your word.”

“My word is good.” Now he was getting fucking pissed, though his voice remained deadly and flat. “I remember the fucking code, kid. You were still in your mother’s womb when I learned it by heart.”

“I’m not questioning your honor.”

“That’s exactly what you’re fuckin’ doing.”

Around them, the sturdy, surly men took a step forward. Tch. Levi could have them all on the floor within half a minute. But it was an inconvenience he didn’t want.

“What you want is dangerous for me. You’ll get what you came for and leave, and my people will have to contend with the Red Hand. Their violence against us will escalate. You want me to take on this risk because you _say_ you have a debt to call in?” She shook her head. “You’re not one of us anymore, Levi. You left six years ago. Blood debts are only honored between gang members, and you’re not that anymore. Are you?”

His blood chilled. Fuck, she was right. His position had changed.

“If you were here to come back home, that would be one thing. But I only lose by helping you, and so I’m going to be a stickler over the fine print.” She held up her hands, white palms facing him. “You’re not one of us, so you’re not subject to our rules.”

If he wanted to, he could kick everyone in this room’s ass and force her to tell him. But Levi had never relished hitting women—he’d gone after them when he had to, but he did the minimal amount of damage possible. And fighting these thugs would only deplete his energy needlessly.

“I see I’m not gonna get anywhere with you shitheads,” he growled. Sofia’s lips pursed, but she did not flutter or blink. “Fuck you. I’ll find the Red Hand and deal with this myself.” He turned on his heel and strode for the door, blood screaming in his ears. Maybe it should’ve made him happy, to be rejected by thieves and murderers. Some part of him, though, some undeveloped and hungry part grieved to be turned out by his own people.

Shame, to be people with creatures like these.

“Wait,” Sofia said softly. He glanced over his shoulder as she came up behind him. She did not sound so businesslike and cold now. The heady sweetness of her perfume enveloped him, and she laid a hand on his arm. Levi flinched out of her grip. “I’m open to a trade of services, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a meeting in one hour with the boss of a rival territory. The Schneider Brothers are taking advantage of my loading zones for contraband. They’re supposed to pay a percentage to Leviathan, but they’ve been screwing us over. I know this. I need a little extra muscle to get my point across. We’re not anticipating blood, but if it comes to that I’d like leverage. Imagine walking into that meeting with _the_ Levi.” She whistled low. “They’ll give in to our demands like that.” She snapped.

“I don’t have time for this shit,” he growled, and faced her fully. “You want to swap favors, go find yourself some green little shithead and play ‘show me yours, I show you mine.’ Fuck off.”

“If you do this,” she said evenly as Levi walked for the door, “my power base in the underground will be equal to the Red Hand’s. I’ll do more than give you information. I’ll back you with my own men, go in, and get your money out. I’ll be well placed for any retaliation, and who knows? We might just cripple them.” Sofia extended her hand. It was white, the fingers long and delicate. Levi eyed it warily. “You won’t find anyone else in this city to help you. Half of the current gangs are in my situation, and the other half are in the Red Hand’s pocket. If you leave without my help, you leave alone. And the Red Hand might call in any number of sympathetic gangs for backup.”

“I can do it myself,” he muttered.

“Yes. But do you want to risk what you came here for?”

She had a point. Fuck it, she did. Levi didn’t fear for his own life, but if the Red Hand got back up it’d be all he could do to stay alive. The money could be smuggled out in the scuffle. But if he went in with the element of surprise, and a gang backing him, he could be done in a couple hours’ time.

“You better not be playing me, kid,” he snarled. She kept her hand proffered.

“This is the offer I give to my friends,” she said quietly. “I remember what you did for me, Levi. I have to take care of my people, but I want to pay my own debt.”

He shut his eyes. Yeah, he had saved her. And it’d be easier for her to turn him loose and deal with her problems her own way, not bring more trouble down on her head. And Levi did understand the idea of taking care of your own. He could respect that.

He shook with her. Sofia’s dark eyes brightened.

“This one time. Then I’m out. Got it? I am not coming home. This is not my home anymore.”

“Understood. One time. The Military Police won’t know about it. Their attention’s all over the place right now anyway.”

Levi gave a disgruntled sigh. “All right, then. Where’s this meeting?”

***

Petra stood in the snow and looked down at the doorway. Her hands, which were almost frozen at this point, trembled as they tied the scarf tighter around her own neck.

She’d begged the guys at the MP barracks to give her horse shelter and food. The poor creature had been half-dead when she’d ridden in to Mitras, the sun nearly down over the horizon. She’d gone straight to the MP headquarters, but Commander Dok had not been there. No one could help her. So she’d left a note: to tell the Commander that she had gone into the underground after Captain Levi, and to expect Commander Erwin Smith within the next day or so. He would bring backup. Nile should prepare for that.

With that message delivered, Petra had gone to the doorway where Levi had taken her that morning. She now stood there, staring into the gathering darkness. Closing her eyes, she breathed the clean winter air.

She could not stop trembling, but this was no time to be afraid.

Perhaps it would be wiser to stay in the barracks and wait for Commander Dok?

But that incessant tugging beneath her ribs couldn’t be stopped. She had to see Levi, touch him. She had to hold him, bear his burden. He would be angry with her for disobeying, but the Red Hand didn’t know she’d come back. Surely. They wouldn’t be looking for her.

Petra had changed into her simplest clothes, and left all her Survey Corps identifications behind.

_Levi. Wait for me._

He’d been left alone so long in that darkness. She could not abandon him now.

And he needed her. She’d often aided him out in the field, assisting him with endless titan kills. She had more assists than anyone else in the military. Bold as brass, she’d been called. A crazy little shithead, the captain had called her once.

She couldn’t help but smile.

Before they’d become lovers, they’d been teammates. You did not leave a teammate alone in hostile territory no matter what.

She could not wait for backup.

Petra palmed her topaz one last time, squeezed it tight. It would have been wiser to leave it behind with her uniform, but she couldn’t bear to take it off. She’d promised him she wouldn’t. Petra treated it as a talisman, something to wish upon. _Take me to him._

With one last glance at the evening sky, Petra walked down the stairs, opened the door, and vanished into the underground.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi itched in his new clothes, grunting as he adjusted the cravat. Fuck this, having to prance around like some kind of puffed up thug. Sure, he _used_ to be one, but those days were over. That he was standing in some warehouse at the edge of the eastern chasm, ready to look menacing and break a few bones if need be, was only temporary.

_You don’t want to look like a shopkeeper,_ Sofia had said simply when she presented him with a few selections. Apparently his sedate civilian attire wasn’t exactly fashionable down here.

_Think you got anything there’ll fit me?_ He shouldn’t have sulked, but he knew she was right. Presentation mattered in the underground. Looking like a murderous peacock was part of that deal. Kenny hadn’t done much for Levi—apart from keeping him alive—but he’d taught him the ways of their world. Kenny hadn’t adopted the fancy-ass look of a lot of thugs; instead, he’d walked around with that wide-brimmed hat of his, bloodstains speckling his tan overcoat. Tch. Unsanitary.

Levi had taken a room and changed. Funny enough, there _had_ been clothes to fit him. He’d gone with a white button up shirt, silk cravat, paisley-swirled satin vest, and fitted black pants. His boots he’d kept—no one had anything that’d fit him in that department. Walking out, he’d found Sofia dressed to negotiate as well, charcoal gray puffed pants (riding pants, as he’d heard Erwin refer to them dismissively once), a black fitted jacket, a plunging neckline. Levi’d made sure not to look that far down. She’d raised an eyebrow at the sight of him.

_Finally. You look like yourself._

Levi’s gut soured at the thought. He’d become so used to seeing himself in a sliver of mirror in his brown army jacket, his green Survey cloak. He’d grown used to seeing himself at Erwin’s side. Now, as he waited for the Schneider Brothers in this dingy warehouse, crates piled up all around them to the ceiling, he felt he’d slipped back in time to when he was nothing more than a thug. That hollow, cold feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. Even Isabel and Furlan hadn’t been enough to fill that void. For a while, Levi’d thought it would go away when he was on the surface, but he knew better now. Erwin had saved him from that emptiness.

Levi had to do this—go back on his own beliefs, his own code—to keep Erwin’s dream alive. The thought of his Commander looking down on him with disappointment a glimmer in those blue eyes was physical pain.

When they’d met, Levi had been kneeling in a puddle of muddy water. He’d glared up at Erwin, the only man who’d ever run him down—well, Levi’d wanted to get run down, but it hadn’t gone like he’d anticipated it. Full of surprises, that Erwin Smith. Levi had never felt hate like that before in his life. It’d choked him, turned his guts to lead. Maybe because he instinctively knew that Erwin was everything he was not, would never be. Tall. Handsome. Brilliant. Admired. Good. No, great. A great man. Levi was only a grub, a selfish parasite devouring whatever got into his path. There was a time when Levi hated people, only gave a fuck about those in his inner circle. That hate had been like a fever that burned right through him. Erwin had saved him, shown him a better world. Then Petra had saved him, let him feel tenderness.

And now here he was. Back again for more cold, angry bullshit.

But not back forever. He kept telling himself that as he gazed at the crates, wondered what was inside them.

Footsteps. Sofia gazed down at him. She’d swapped out her heeled boots for flats, but she still had a good three inches on him. Levi glanced at her from his periphery.

“Do you hate this that much?” she asked softly. Her black eyes registered no emotion. Levi felt a twinge of regret; what’d she done, and seen, since he’d left? She was and had been a kid, after all. Just a kid. Girls her age ought to be starting families or working in shops or pursuing dreams—purer, better dreams for the purer, better world he wanted to make.

Petra. Every glance at Sofia only made him think of Petra. Her laughter, her tears, the high color in her cheeks. The way she could feel everything with ease. Sofia, meanwhile, had the cold pragmatism of the underground’s black market in her veins, like a virus. He nearly winced at the thought.

“I didn’t leave this place because I wanted to,” he muttered. “But now that I know what life’s like outside the walls, and in the fresh air, I can’t go back. This place is shit. I didn’t know it until I saw the rest of the world for myself. Now the underground feels more like a shitty prison than ever.”

“Life is better when you rise to the top of the heap,” Sofia murmured. She placed a slender hand on his shoulder. “I think that we can carry hell with us wherever we go. Once you change your perspective, any place can be wonderful.”

“Tell that to the starving women and children I saw when I first came in.” He glared at her.

“We all make choices, don’t we? We all have to live according to those choices.”

He snorted. “Fuck, you sound like Erwin.”

Truthfully, there were a few parallels he could draw between his Commander and Sofia. Only made him more sorry for her.

Sofia grinned. “Is he your superior?”

“The Commander of the Survey Corps. Made me who I am.”

“Mmm. I disagree. I think you’ve made yourself, Levi.” Her hand trailed down his shoulder, along his arm. He became very aware of how near to him she stood. The lavender perfume was potent. “And you’ve done a very nice job.” She pressed her lips together; she’d done them up in blood red, accentuating their fullness. “I can’t help but admire you. I never could.” Her voice was low and breathy. She reached up and “fixed” his cravat, resting her hand upon his chest. In her dark eyes, he saw a simmering want.

He stepped away, roughly brushing her off. Levi winced, felt the hair on his arms stand on end. A sour taste filled his mouth. Any other man might’ve welcomed that moment, but not him. He fixed his own damn cravat, and turned his back to her. Sofia gave a light, airy laugh.

“Sorry, sorry. None of us could ever tell what you liked. Are you not into girls?”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean.” _Fuck._ He hated shit like this. “I’m not into women. I’m into _a_ woman. Difference.”

For years, Levi had lived with only brief flares of sexual desire. Until he’d met Petra, and every other woman melted away.

“I see.” Her tone never lost its breezy quality. Sofia stepped up beside him, her arms folded. She appeared liquid, at complete ease. She didn’t try to touch him again. “Well, lucky girl. Who is she?”

“In the military. Back home. Safe.” Petra. He needed to think of her under a blanket in a chair before the fire, cheek in her hand, drowsing as snow fell outside the window. Her amber eyes fluttering shut, her soft lips parted, her chest rising and falling with her breath. His jewel glittering at her throat. He would enter that room and rouse her, kiss her on the mouth. She’d cling to him and sigh that at last he was home. A girl of sunlight and sweetness, a million years removed from all this filth. He was doing this for her, and the other soldiers, as much as for Erwin. “I want to finish this up and get back to her.”

“Then I’ll try not to keep you longer than necessary. Ah, Wilhelm.” Sofia’s voice went from soft to brassy. She sounded like she was performing confidence, but looking at her you could never tell it was fake. She strode forward, arm extended. Wilhelm Schneider came and shook with her. Technically, he was the lone brother of the Schneider Brothers; his younger sibling, Henrik, had died two years ago, according to Sofia. But the name stuck. Names tended to do that.

Levi’s name, after all. Out of action six years, but it still did the trick. When Wilhelm Schneider glanced over Sofia’s shoulder at him, the man did a full double take. His sallow face paled.

“L-Levi? Is that you?” Wilhelm stepped around Sofia, as if forgetting she were there entirely. Levi watched through half-lidded eyes as Schneider approached. “They said you’d died.”

“Not dead. Not in prison. Just visiting.” He squared his jaw, and even that was enough to get Schneider to stop dead where he stood. Well. Good to know Levi hadn’t lost his touch. “I’m not the one you’re here to do business with, Wilhelm.”

The other man cooled down a bit. He rested his hands on the top of a silver-headed cane. Schneider was fortyish now, still grizzled and hard but starting to go soft around the middle. He dressed well, if a little loud. Like all of them, really. A lime green coat was maybe not the thing Levi would’ve chosen, but hey. Made an impression.

“I honestly believed the rumors. About your death, that is. The other stories I heard were that you’d become some sort of hero above ground. Humanity’s Bravest, or something?”

“Strongest.” Levi sort of hated that title. Sounded like the kind of thing a fussy mother tells all her friends over tea. Well, _my_ child is Humanity’s Strongest, that sort of bullshit.

“Humanity’s Strongest, hero to the people…and here you are. Playing at being back up muscle.” Schneider grinned, scratched his hand against his beard. “What I always tell my men. People never really change.”

“You really wanna pay attention to the lady, Will. I’m not that interesting,” Levi growled. Apparently Schneider believed him, because he focused on Sofia. Levi stepped back, receding into the shadows alongside two other taller, broader thugs Sofia had brought as extra back up. Schneider barely paid a lick of attention to them.

Levi’s eyes flicked to a thug’s pocket watch. Come on. Come the fuck on. He wanted to get on the Red Hand’s case.

“Sofia. What may I do for you?” Schneider tapped his cane against the ground decisively. He spoke like a father bestowing a pat on his daughter’s head. Condescending prick. Sofia, to her credit, did not falter.

“I think you can imagine, Wilhelm. I’m still waiting on the eighty-six gold pieces you owe me for transportation and storage of your contraband. I think that was twelve cases of whiskey and thirteen barrels of wine, yes?”

Schneider’s smile grew even more sickeningly indulgent. “If you’ll remember the terms of our agreement, that’s to be paid out in quarterly installments. The end of the month’s in a few days, girly. You’ll have twenty-one gold pieces then, along with—”

“In addition,” Sofia added coolly, “to the fifteen hundred lump sum I’m expecting on account of your theft.”

Schneider’s smile withered. It grew still in the warehouse. Still enough you could hear a mouse shit.

Well, _fuck._ Levi glowered. Sofia hadn’t been entirely honest with him, had she? Demanding payment on services rendered was one thing, but demanding repayment of materials stolen? Fuck if that wasn’t another topic all together. One that usually led to touchiness and anger. And anger could take up a lot of time.

Schneider swallowed. “How dare you accuse me—” he began.

“How dare you steal from my own warehouses?” Sofia did not let him get a word in. Her eyes scanned the crates piled up to the ceiling. “How dare you think I wouldn’t find out? A bit at a time is all it takes; isn’t that what you thought?” The girl’s hand strayed to her back, and Levi watched her lift up her coat. A gun’s handle peeked out of her waistband.

Fuck. Fuck. This was about to turn into turf warfare, and he did not have time for that shit.

Schneider bared his teeth, his eyes glinting with a furious light.

“I’ll break you in half,” he growled.

“Why don’t you simply return what you stole from me? Or if you don’t have it any longer, I’ll take what I like from your warehouse.” She slowly slid the gun from out her back, and her acting was perfect. Schneider was so fixated on her face, he wasn’t paying attention to her hand. “I think we’ll start with everything in this room.”

“Everything in…” Then Schneider did something Levi would’ve never expected.

He smiled.

“You cunning little bitch,” he growled. He laughed, and lifted up his cane. “I see. I see what—”

He didn’t finish that sentence. The gang lord slid a silver-handled dagger out of his cane, and reared back to strike just as Sofia brought out the gun from behind her back and leveled it at his face. The war was about to get going—

Levi moved faster than either of them could’ve anticipated. He kicked the knife from Schneider’s hand and swept the putrid man’s legs. Schneider collapsed with a loud _oof_ , and Levi placed one booted foot on his midsection. The guy coughed as Levi grabbed his left arm, and calmly broke it in three separate places. _Crack. Crack. Crack._

Howls like you wouldn’t believe rang through the air as Sofia stepped backwards, lowering her gun to her side.

“My, my,” she breathed. “You haven’t lost your touch, Levi.”

Levi got in Schneider’s face; the gang lord’s cheeks were a ruddy crimson with the pain. Tears bled from his eyes, and spittle bubbled on his chapped lips.

“I want this over with now,” Levi hissed. He put his hands to Schneider’s neck. “Give the lady her money and everything else she wants. If you don’t, I’m gonna make sure you have a real hard time taking a shit from now on.”

Schneider gurgled a bit more, eyes darting left and right as Sofia came to stand over him. Then, he opened his mouth…and chuckled.

“Fucking. Idiots,” he wheezed. “You thought…I brought…nobody?”

Oh, shit.

Footsteps echoed in the cavernous chamber. Levi glanced up as six, seven, eight men with guns all emerged from behind stacks of crates, or raced in through the door. Everyone looked down the barrels of their guns, and kept Levi and Sofia in their sights.

Grimly, Levi realized this might take more than a fucking hour to deal with.

***

Levi had come from a place like _this_?

Petra was no innocent little girl. She had sliced through the necks of fifteen meter titans on her own. She had raced horses through fields to get away from rampaging monsters. She had walked in one time on Oruo and the other guys in the squad bathing naked in the river. All of that was horrible enough.

But her dim attempts at humor snuffed out as she surveyed the filthy streets, and the miserable people strewn about them. She clutched at her scarf, grateful that it hid her pendant. She didn’t want anyone to know about it, not here. Petra wrinkled her nose and sneezed. The place smelled of stagnant water and mildew, of sweat and alcohol. It seemed that everywhere she stepped, she narrowly avoided a pile of feces or a broken bottle.

_Oh, Levi._ Tears stung her eyes. She and the guys had often exchanged exasperated looks at the captain’s obsessive cleaning habits, but if he’d lived here for nearly thirty years… Petra understood why he would hate any kind of filth. She couldn’t imagine being here for more than a day, let alone a lifetime.

As Petra kept her head down and walked the street, she tried to think. The first thing to do would be to find the Red Hand. If they were as powerful as Levi said they were, they’d have to be easily discovered. Wherever the Red Hand was, Levi would be close. He was relentless with his goals. She wanted to hold him so badly, feel him warm and safe in her arms. She buried her nose in her scarf. He’d been ready to disappear without telling anyone where he was going. He hadn’t trusted her, but then again he hadn’t trusted the Commander either. Why did he insist on taking every burden onto himself?

She could kill him if she didn’t love him so much.

Petra scanned the shoddy storefronts around her, the crumbling buildings. Gaslight flickered in the windows, painting everything around it a ghostly green. People looked sick down here, though Petra wasn’t sure if that was on account of the light or their health in general. Her heart sank at the pitiful sight.

“Hey! Stop! Ow!”

Her head whipped around, and she gasped. Two men were crowding up on a pair of small boys. The children kicked at their attackers, crying and wrapping their arms around their heads as one man—he had a bat tattoo, of all things—lurched towards them, menacing. Another man stepped from the alleyway, a pipe in his hands. They were going to beat the children.

Instantly, Petra’s vision was fire. Gritting her teeth, she raced at the men head on.

“Get away from them!” she shouted. The one with a bat tattoo turned around and sneered. She saw he was missing several teeth.

“Fuck off, bitch,” he grunted. His eyes widened when Petra delivered a high, perfect kick to his balls. As he crumpled to the ground, she heard him mutter something that sounded an awful lot like ‘not again.’

The other man stared blankly at Petra, and raised his pipe over his head. Petra recalled what the captain had taught her once: the running, leaping kick. She lunged and leapt high, striking the bastard in his solar plexus. The pipe dropped to the ground, and the man staggered away. The bat tattoo fellow crawled after him. Petra would have chased the pair, but one of the boys started to cry. She turned to him, and her heart softened. They were dirty-faced and wearing ragged clothes. Their hair was matted with filth, and their fingernails were black with grime. The smaller one wept behind his fingers. Petra knelt before the children, extending her hand.

“It’s all right. It’s over now,” she said gently.

The kid looked up at her; his eyes were clear, and he gave an awful, knowing smile.

“Get her!” the bigger one shouted. Petra, too stunned to think, gasped as she was knocked over. The children pawed at her, their little fingers deft as they yanked at her scarf, searched her pockets with lightning speed.

“Oh! Oh!” The smaller one snatched something and yanked hard. Petra cried out as she felt the chain around her neck break. Something flashed in the child’s hand; the topaz. Levi’s present.

“No!” she shouted, and screamed when the older boy elbowed her down, gripped her by the front, and squeezed. Petra couldn’t even scream from the shock.

“Oi! I felt a titty! I did!” He laughed as he took off running, the little one scampering after him. Petra got to her hands and knees, and gave chase. Fists pumping by her sides, teeth gritted, she bore down on the little bastards. Not her pendant. Why, why had she worn it down here? She was the biggest idiot of all.

But she was going to get it back.

“Aw, fuck. She’s fast!” the bigger one squealed, clocking her behind his shoulder. Maybe Petra should’ve been more understanding of how these children must’ve grown up to be like this, but she did not have the time or the luxury. They were not going to take her necklace. They were not.

“Stop, you little…shits!” Petra skidded to a halt as the boys peeled off in opposite directions. The smaller one went off to the right. She tailed him through a cluster of people and down an alley. He stopped, looked back at her, and then slipped into some kind of drain at the side of a wall and disappeared. Screaming in bloody fury, Petra fell to her knees and reached down into the drain. It was only a few inches high—enough for a tiny, malnourished body to slip through, but not hers.

Gone. He was gone, and so was her necklace.

Petra sat back on her knees and howled in blind rage. She slammed her palms against the ground, against the brick wall before her. Getting to her feet, she swung haphazardly down the alley, searching for the older boy. But he was gone as well. Like smoke. Vanished.

Petra stood at the mouth of the alley, her chest heaving. Then, heavy tears blurred her vision. She shoved her sleeve into her mouth so that she would not wail and weep. She cried silently, leaning her forehead against the cool brick.

She had lost Levi’s gift to her. The one thing he’d given her. He’d told her never to take it off. Five damn seconds in this hell, and she’d already lost it.

It was as if someone had splashed cold water onto her, waking her from a daydream. What was she doing here? She didn’t belong. Levi was going to be so damn furious when he found out she’d disobeyed him. Teeth chattering, for a wild minute Petra considered cutting her losses and slinking out of the underground. Going up to wait for Commander Dok, and letting Levi yell at her when he found out what’d happened.

But he was still in danger down here, still alone, and she did not have the luxury of sitting and waiting for him to come to her. She had to go to him.

It could be life or death. So, wiping her eyes and feeling raw and foolish, Petra slunk back onto the road. This time, she kept her head down and her shoulders hunched. Her eyelid twitched. In the span of a few minutes, she’d made a damn fool of herself.

But Petra was a soldier, and soldiers did not have the time for self pity. They had to take action.

She came to a halt outside of some kind of gambling hall. Petra looked up at the sign: The Cheeky Bitch. In flaking paint, she saw the image of a woman with her bottom to the viewer, both cheeks red.

Disgusting. But every other storefront was shuttered, and everyone was watching her warily. At least, that’s how it seemed. Petra tugged up her collar and opened the door. Inside, there were a few games of chance at the edges of the room, but most of the space was taken up by a bar at the far end, and couches strewn about the place with a kind of haphazard carelessness. On those couches, men lounged with their shirts half undone, smoking hookah pipes and blowing rings of sickly sweet smoke into the air. Women with corseted breasts and brightly dyed hair sauntered around, sitting on available laps and luring men up to a flight of stairs. Petra’s face went hot; she was in a brothel. She’d never been in one before. Hardened soldier though she was, she she’d also been raised in a proper household with proper values. The idea of being in a place like this was too humiliating for words.

But Levi’s mother had been a prostitute. That’s what he’d said. _He’d be hurt if he knew you thought you were too good for this place._

It was a long shot, but she needed help.

“Excuse me.” She cleared her throat and walked over to the bartender. He was pouring a couple of ales, and glanced at her. His mustache was waxed impeccably, curled on either end. His bushy eyebrows lifted to see her, and there was a kind of twinkle in his eye she did not like.

“Come to find a job? I think we have use for a girl like you.” He licked his teeth. “Start by taking off your coat. Show us what we’ve got to work with.”

It would have been wise to simply refuse. It would have been wise to act innocent. It would have been wise not to grow angry and yell. But Petra was way past wise at this point. She’d been groped and robbed, and she had had enough. She slammed her fist on the bar top, so that one of the ales jumped and splashed its drinker. The man gave a grunt, then started sucking at his shirt to get all the booze out.

“I’m looking for some information,” she said.

The barkeep narrowed his wet black eyes.

“Nah. You wouldn’t make a good whore. Got a lip on you.”

“I’m not a whore. I am a soldier from the royal military, and I demand that you treat me with respect.” Petra gritted her teeth. Now the room quieted around her. She could feel the shift; they knew the military was here now. That meant things were serious. The barkeep fluffed at his mustache.

“What can we do for you? Soldier?”

“I’m looking for information about the Red Hand. I need to know where I can find them.”

A long, slow blink from the bartender. Petra swore she heard a snort somewhere in the room, and whirled around to find the jerk. Her eyes must have been especially fiery, because several men ducked their heads.

“You want to find the Red Hand?” The bartender chuckled, and wiped down a glass. “If they want to, they’ll find _you_. Not the other way around. Be glad you’re not on their list right now, angel.”

Actually, Petra was. But it’d be wise not to mention it.

“All I need is a name. A direction. A building. Anything.”

“Wouldn’t you know all that, if you’re military?” The bartender’s wet black eyes glimmered. “The MPs know all about our little town. Bet they’d be happy to share with a firm little piece like you.”

Petra had had more than enough of men talking about her like that. She leaned over the bar.

“Believe me, they’re on their way down. You want to be on my good side when they get here.”

He sniffed. “So. Why aren’t they here with you?”

“What?”

“If you’re a member of the military, where are the police? Where’s your uniform?”

“I’m…I’m undercover.”

He snorted. “If that’s true, announcing yourself as military is kind of missing the point, don’t you think?”

Damn. Damn, Petra had let her temper get the best of her. She was not stupid, but when her emotions ran too hot she could make very stupid mistakes. And judging by the way everyone in this room was looking at her now…it had been a large mistake.

“If you don’t want to help me, fine. My partner is looking into a saloon down the street. I’ll join him, see if he has any luck.” She turned, but a wall of men—all outfitted in the livery of some kind of gang, with black leather coats and gold rings—stood before her. They all had shaved heads. A few of them smiled.

“I think you don’t have a partner.” The barkeep chuckled. “I think you’re a pretty little bird that flew in from above. Plunged down a sewer grating, hurt your wing on the way. And you know what, sweetheart?” She heard him move from behind the bar, and then felt the cold barrel of a shotgun against the back of her neck. “I don’t think you’ll be flying again anytime soon.”

Petra’s mouth was dry. The men surrounded her, and the gun was not going anywhere.

“This is going to be the greatest mistake of your life,” she whispered.

When Levi found out about this…

“What do we do now?” one of the leather men asked the barkeep.

“She wants to find the Red Hand, doesn’t she? Well. I heard they were looking for a few new “hires.” Massage girls, and the like.” Petra’s skin crawled. She had a good idea what kind of massage they meant. And hiring in the underground would probably translate closer to slavery up above. They wanted to sell her. “She’s a cute little thing. Probably not bad looking, once you put some make up on and do up her hair. They’ll take her for a price. On the chance she’s not lying, and the MPs are coming, we don’t want her anywhere nearby to tell the tale. And dumping a corpse, well. The MPs know all the usual dumping grounds. Plus, this way we get paid.”

Petra’s mind spun. They wanted to sell her to the Red Hand, like a sack of potatoes. Her eyes darted this way and that, her mind formulating a plan. If she could manage to incapacitate the man without the gun going off, if she could get that gun away from him, she could shoot her way out of here. The thought of turning a weapon on another human being was terrifying, but she was ready for it.

But…

They were going to take her to the Red Hand.

_Think fast, Petra._ If she tried making her escape, she could be killed. She could have men on her tail if she ran. If she went with them, she could end up in a terrifying, unknown situation. And she did not know how well the Red Hand would know her by sight; the worse case scenario was that they’d realize she was Levi’s lover. Bitterly, Petra realized that losing that necklace might have been a stroke of luck.

She had made a complete ass of herself within an hour of being underground. She’d been a fool to think she could waltz in here and play the game as well as Levi.

It would be dangerous if she escaped, and dangerous if she went with them. But there was one large difference between the two dangers, one reason to be their captive.

Levi would almost certainly be there, or close by. If she wanted to find him in this nightmare city, being captured might be her best bet.

If she made his job more difficult, she would have to bear him yelling at her. It would be fine if he forced her to sit in the brig for days on end on account of her disobedience. But they would both be alive, and together. Eventually, he would forgive her.

Petra’s eyes stung. She’d wanted to help; instead, she’d become another burden.

Unless…unless she could find the money on her own. If they didn’t recognize her instantly, she could try playing their game. She could try to be useful to her captain.

So, even though every fiber of her being screamed against it, Petra lifted her hands over her head and surrendered.

_Levi. Wait for me._

“All right,” she whispered. Her voice was hoarse. “Take me to the Red Hand.”


	8. Chapter 8

It was always the same. Whenever a bunch of men drew on him with guns, whenever a titan came lurching out of the forest with its ugly-ass mouth wide open, a kind of peace would overtake him. Sometimes, Levi could swear that a flash of yellow lightning would appear in his mind’s eye, slip down his spine, electrify his blood. Then he would be off, doing as his nature commanded. Beating the shit out of whatever stood in his way. As Schneider’s men drew on him, Levi felt his body take action before he himself could even comprehend what he was facing, or why.

Two gunshots followed him as he raced ahead, lunging straight into the danger. Sofia’s aim was deadly. Two men snapped back, a spray of blood decorating the crates behind and the ground below. Eight. Now seven. Now six.

Levi could handle those odds.

As he ran, he grabbed Schneider by his jacket collar and threw him in front, a human shield. The gang lord, still nursing his broken arm, bawled with shock and probably pain as Levi ran forward with him. Curses from the men—they didn’t want to hit their boss. Bullets whizzed past him as he tossed Schneider headlong into two of his men, and Levi cut around the side of the crates. They stood in those tall columns, just waiting for the right leverage to go crashing to the ground. He leapt on top of one, then two. He could feel where the formation was loosest, like a tooth wiggling, ready to come out. With a kick, Levi set the five wobbling crates into motion. They wavered, then fell on top of the men below. Levi heard some screams, and the crunch and grind of bones being broken, joints coming out of sockets. He took a knife from his belt, somersaulted through the air, and landed atop the remaining two men. With cuts along their throats, he silenced them as they lifted their guns. The blasts went off a little close to Levi’s ear, and for a second he smelled only burnt gunpowder and heard only a high, whining noise, much like a wasp.

But when the guns had gone silent, he was standing atop a couple of dead men, their blood pooling beneath their heads.

Levi barely heard the grunts and groans of the men trapped under the cargo. He had eyes only for the two corpses cooling beneath him. That cold, distant feeling he used to get all the time returned. Like he was sinking into an ice bath.

How many years since he’d killed a human being? Six. His breath hitched. He cleaned his knife without thinking, and sheathed it.

Erwin would stare at him, those icy blue eyes holding a reproach. Petra would gape at him, her amber eyes swimming in horrified tears.

He looked away from what he’d done. His mouth twitched. _You knew when you came down here it might come to this._

But that was no real comfort.

“Amazing,” Sofia cooed. She put away her gun and walked over to him, a smile blooming on her lips. “You know, for an old man you’re still pretty good at this.”

Levi could only glower at her, and wipe a speckle of blood from the corner of his mouth. How long had it taken him to remove these clowns? Thirty seconds? Less?

“I think your little problem’s been taken care of,” he muttered at last. She nodded, slid her white-blonde bangs from her eyes.

“Nearly. Come here.” She led him to Schneider, who was rolling back and forth on the ground, tears streaming down his face as he clutched at his injured arm. The older man puffed, blew out his cheeks as Levi and Sofia stood above him. He squinted at them, bared his yellowing teeth. “Well, Levi. Finish him off,” Sofia said coolly.

Schneider snorted. “Idiot,” he hissed. “You’re the same as all the rest of us, Levi. You’d cut your own life short for a piece of ass.”

“My life’s not the one that just got a lot shorter,” he grunted. And he didn’t want a piece of anything. He wanted to get the fuck out of here. His hand squeezed the hilt of his dagger…but he released it. Schneider’s eyebrows lifted with incredulity, but he wisely said nothing. “He’s down. Do you need to kill him?” Levi asked.

Sofia did not react.

“I didn’t think you’d ever get squeamish,” she said.

“Humans killing humans is fucking pointless.” He thought again of Erwin gesturing out towards a distant horizon, towards a point that only the Commander could see. The world beyond the Walls, beyond humans and their petty bullshit. A world of monsters. Of freedom.

“Is that what you’ve learned in the Survey Corps?”

“The world outside is where the real shit is. You think you have problems down here, but you’re just rats trapped in a shitty maze.”

“L-Listen to him,” Schneider gasped, clutching at Levi’s ankle for merciful support. Levi shook the piece of shit off of him. Sofia merely tilted her head and regarded him with those glinting coal black eyes.

“You think I should set aside my own squabbles?”

“Everyone should. We’ve all got the same enemy.”

“How wise of you, Levi.” She sounded sincere, then she shot Schneider in the head. The man jerked backwards, his legs jolting out. His brains splattered all over the concrete behind him. Sofia’d shot him right through the eye; Levi stared into the dark, empty socket. He winced, shut his eyes a moment. One more life lost. One more meaningless death. “However, I have to be a bit more practical.”

“You left a few things out when you told me about this job. Didn’t you?” he growled. Sofia ambled past him, her heels clicking as she appraised the crates in the warehouse. Her two thuggish bodyguards lurched up behind her, their shoulders square. Levi got the impression they were protecting her from Levi as much as the other thugs.

“I hoped it would go smoother than this,” she replied evenly. “You may not believe it, Levi, but if I didn’t have my hopes, I couldn’t make it out of bed in the morning.”

Speaking of morning, Levi blinked. He wasn’t accustomed to sleep, but even he got tired sooner or later. How long had this day been? Was it the middle of the night by now? In the underground, time was more of a theory than a reality. You lived in eternal darkness, and because of it the days blended together.

“I helped you. Whatever I may think, I helped you with your problem. Now return your end of the bargain.”

“Yes. The Red Hand.” Sofia dusted off her hands as she instructed her thugs to start lifting what crates they could. Levi’s eyes strayed to some of the contraband that’d rolled out of one shattered crate. He frowned; it looked like…

Sofia stepped in front of him, and he paid attention to her. She looked at him with some kind of sympathy. “It’s late. The Red Hand fortify their ranks in the evening; we’ll have an easier shot taking them down in a few hours. Come back with me, and rest. We’ll discuss our strategy.” Levi’s silence egged her on. “I promise you, the money will not be transferred before tomorrow morning. We’ll be ready to move long before it’s critical. Trust me.”

“I don’t trust you, Sofia. Don’t trust anyone. That’s why I’m not like _him_.” Levi’s gaze flicked down to the empty, bloodstained shell of Wilhelm Schneider. Off on the other end of the warehouse, he heard the squeals and gurgles of Schneider’s remaining men as Sofia’s thugs dispatched them. Smashed heads sounded like eggs breaking. The sound of death set his teeth on edge. He watched the girl as she approached him. So young, younger even than Petra. And she did not flinch to hear men dying.

“You’re a wise man,” she said softly, passing him by. “Come home, and we’ll talk business in my office.”

 

This wasn’t an office. This was a fucking bedroom.

Levi stood against the far wall, staring at the enormous bed on the other side of the room like it was going to try taking a bite out of him if he wasn’t careful. His mouth twitched. Of course Sofia would try something like this. Damn brat. He couldn’t tell if this was a come on or a way to get him off guard. She was clever like that, this girl. Always had been. Furlan had once told Levi that Sofia at twelve was smarter than most of the heavies in the underground. Levi had shrugged, hadn’t cared.

Maybe he should’ve listened closer to Furlan on this. His skin itched as he passed the giant bed, doing his best not to look at it, and took a seat in a leather armchair near the window. Before him, a sofa blocked the view of the bed somewhat. There was a coffee table in the center of this little sitting area. Levi scanned the room. Tall bookshelves, heavy with leather volumes. Yeah. Made sense the kid would like to read.

Two ornate silver candlestick holders waited on the table before him. The candles had been lit, lending a seductive glow to the room. Eh, fuck. Candlelight rippled on the polished table. The bed’s hangings, when he dared to look at it again, were silk. The bedspread was a deep red velvet. Fancy tastes, this girl. On the wall, there was an oil painting of a naked woman reclining. She gazed over her shoulder at the viewer, pearls woven into her soft brown hair. The plump swell of her ass made Levi flush.

Levi closed his eyes and imagined Petra’s face. He pushed past the horror he’d find in her expression when he told her he’d killed two men in cold blood. Maybe he wouldn’t tell her; she didn’t need to know everything. He focused on the light flush of pink on her cheeks, the silk of her hair. He imagined he was kissing her lips, her nose, her forehead. He imagined them standing beneath a tree out in the fresh air, a mourning dove cooing in the branches. Soon he wouldn’t have to be this thug any more. He’d take the position of it off of him, same as these fucking ridiculous clothes, and be her lover again. Erwin’s right hand man again. It was like being at the bottom of an inky well, looking up to the watery daylight above, listening for their voices calling his name. _Wait for me. Petra._

“Who’s Petra?” Sofia’s husky voice cut through his dream like a knife through smoke. Levi begrudgingly opened his eyes…and flinched.

Sofia padded nearer to him. Her long blonde hair lay in cascading waves along her shoulders, and she was wearing some kind of cream satin slip of a thing. The hair along Levi’s nape stood rigid as she came to him and curled up on the sofa across from his chair. The slip, the whatever skimpy thing she was wearing, only came up to her knee. She was barefoot. The sleeves drooped down above her wrists, and the neckline plunged in the same way every other damn piece of clothing she seemed to own did. Her lips were still painted ruby red, and she smiled.

Levi knew that most other men would’ve been agog. For him, a cold, sick unpleasantness settled in his stomach. He was a man of particular tastes, and he wanted only what he wanted. Nothing else.

He wanted Petra.

“Petra’s the girl I told you about,” he muttered. The door opened behind Sofia. Levi glanced up, hand at the dagger by his side on instinct, but it was only a servant girl. Looked no more than fourteen; probably glad to get a job that wasn’t whoring. She set a tray down on the table between Levi and Sofia and left without a word. A bottle of whiskey, and two glass tumblers. Sofia poured.

“I know you prefer tea,” she said easily, handing him a glass. “But I figured toasting to a success with alcohol made more sense.”

“Sure. Whatever. Thanks,” he growled. He clinked glasses and swallowed the booze. Levi didn’t drink much, but even he knew this was good quality. It burned like a line of fire down his throat, warmed his stomach. Levi blinked; he didn’t tend to get drunk, but too much whiskey on an empty stomach wouldn’t be good for his decision making.

Maybe that’s what Sofia wanted. She lounged against the arm of the couch, toying with the edge of her slip.

“You, uh, wanna put a robe on?” He couldn’t help it. Staring at a spot right above her head put him at a disadvantage. Made him less powerful.

“This _is_ a robe.”

Levi did not want to know what was underneath.

“Yeah. You grew up,” he muttered, setting his glass back on the table. He squared his jaw. “Sorry for that.”

“Don’t be. When you left the underground, I realized I was going to have to take care of myself.” She gestured to the room. “I’d say I did.”

“Good taste.” That was true at least.

She beamed. “Quality over quantity. Isabel always said you would tell her that.” For the first time, a genuine curiosity lit her dark eyes. She seemed so much younger in that moment that it hurt Levi’s heart. “How is Isabel?”

He shouldn’t, but Levi poured himself a bit more whiskey and downed it fast.

“She’s dead,” he said lifelessly, gazing at the ceiling. “Furlan, too. They didn’t make it past our first expedition.”

Sofia was utterly silent for a moment.

“I’m very sorry.” She lowered her chin, and a sweep of blonde hair fell into her face. She sounded sincere.

“It was their choice to follow me upstairs. They died scared, but I don’t think they regretted anything.” He slammed the glass back on the table. Sofia jumped a bit. Good. He’d put himself back on the negotiating foot. “So. Let’s talk strategy about tomorrow. How many men can you give me?”

Sofia leaned her cheek in her hand and gazed at the bottle. Her brow creased in a frown.

“I thought we could use the time to talk a bit. We were friends once,” she murmured. Was she getting sore about this? Levi had a flash of insight: a girl, her childhood crush returned to her, trying to put on a fancy-ass show to get him to fall at her feet. Ply him with booze, show up in a short skirt, put a bed nearby, bam. She was so transparent that Levi’s discomfort morphed to pity. Underneath it all, beneath the paint and the silk, she was still just a kid. He was able to look at her full on now.

“Look. You’re an impressive girl. I mean it. You survived in a way very few people can.” The booze, maybe, or the desperation to save that young, disappointed look on her face moved him to speak. “Help me with what I need, and maybe I can get Erwin to bring you to the surface. You can start a new life. A better life.”

“As a shop girl, with a flower in my hair?” When her eyes met his, he saw a boiling resentment in their black depths. It took him aback a little. “Or maybe I’ll join the Survey Corps with you, and spend a few months fending off giant monsters before I’m eaten alive. What a choice.”

“I’ve lasted six years.”

“Only you could,” she said evenly.

“It doesn’t have to be the Corps. You could get married, have a family. Live a decent life.”

“Of course.” She gave a smile that was pure acid, and the disappointed girl melted away. “Why is it whenever a woman takes charge, she’s told she’s not living a decent life?”

“That’s not what I mean,” he growled. “I know a woman who’s batshit crazy, pokes titans for fun, but she might be the smartest person I’ve ever known. She leads her own squad in the Corps. You’ve got a lot of good options, Sofia. Someone as bright as you can always make her way.”

“You think I’m bright?”

“It’s not an opinion. It’s a fact.”

“Is your Petra bright?” She eyed her drink. Levi set his jaw.

“Yeah. She is.” Petra wasn’t diabolically clever like Sofia, but then again neither was Levi. “She’s bright, and she’s sweet, and she’s brave.”

“Blonde, I’ll bet.”

“Redhead. Not that it matters.”

“Taller. I seem to remember you always liked taller people in general.”

“Shorter, actually.”

“Then it must be love, if she’s the opposite of everything you’ve ever preferred.”

Levi cleared his throat. “We’re getting off track. I want to discuss strategy.”

“You were never one to mix business with pleasure, it’s true.”

“No offense, kid, but this isn’t pleasure.” The whiskey had fired him, along with exhaustion and strain and the empty, hollow feeling of seeing two human beings dead under his knife. “And no offense, but this is a pretty obvious plan, don’t you think? The whiskey. The bed. Whatever the fuck it is you’re wearing. A lot of men would fucking love to be in my position, but I’ve got a job to do. I need that money back. Erwin, my Commander, needs it.”

“You get such a look in your eye when you mention his name.” Sofia smirked at him over the rim of her glass. “I always wondered if you swung both ways.”

“Acting like a little mouthy bitch isn’t gonna get me off the topic. Now. Let’s talk.”

“Very well. Let’s discuss my price.” Sofia drained her whiskey, and Levi’s hackles rose.

“I already paid it, remember? Schneider and his men are dead. That warehouse is yours.”

“Yes. But I want more.”

“More wasn’t part of the deal.” Levi’s eye twitched. A dull animal voice that gnawed at the back of his skull wanted him to flip the table and strangle Sofia until she did as he said. He shut that voice out, hard. “Your honor depends on this, kid.”

Sofia waggled a finger. “You invoked Eckhardt’s blood debt when you first came into my office. You demanded information on the Red Hand’s location. I can give you that—I can choose to honor Eckhardt’s debt, though I’m not obligated to. However, we didn’t arrange a debt of blood and honor as regards my committing men and resources to you.”

Levi’s head was gonna fucking explode. “You said you would help me if I helped you. Now you’re backing out on the deal?” he snarled through his teeth.

“I’m expanding the terms of our agreement. You should remember, Levi, that anything agreed upon without blood or ink to seal it is open to amendments.”

This was why he’d always had Furlan negotiate with these shitheads. Levi’s temples throbbed.

“What. Do you want?” he grunted.

“A percentage of your money, perhaps?”

“No,” he said automatically. “That’s Erwin’s money. The Corps’s money. Not a single coin goes into anyone else’s pockets.”

“Mmm. You always were loyal, Levi. It’s one of the things I found most…bizarre…about you.”

Levi put his hands on the armrests, prepared to stand. “If you plan on wasting more of my time, I’ll knock you the fuck out and then go strongarm some of your shitty men into giving me what I want to know.”

Sofia threw her head back and laughed. It was a sultry sound, fur rubbing along Levi’s spine. If he’d been a normal man, he might’ve found it irresistible.

“I missed you,” she sighed.

“Sorry, kid. I didn’t miss you. And I’m sick of being jerked around like this.”

“All right. I don’t want any money. Please.” She held up her hands, pouted at him. Teased him. “Please?”

Levi did not relax back into his seat. He glared at her.

“What if we made a simple trade?” she asked.

“We already fucking did.”

“I was thinking something quick, pleasant, and mutually beneficial.”

“Like what?”

Levi forced himself to sit still when Sofia rose and tugged at her robe’s belt. The cream satin slip fell away from her shoulders. She wore something black now, and even skimpier than before. It was strapless, and barely covered her crotch. Levi got a quick look at her long, toned legs, and then his eyes went out of focus. Petra. Every inch of skin this girl revealed only made him yearn for Petra more. His gut roiled like it was full of worms as Sofia drew nearer.

“Like I said before. The Red Hand can’t be dealt with until morning,” she purred. She sauntered to stand directly in front of him. If Levi reacted with revulsion, he’d be giving her a weakness to exploit. He stared at her midsection, detached himself. He felt like a head floating around in space, no body to feel anything with. “Why not come to bed?”

“So you want me to be a fuckin’ whore for you, that it?” His voice remained even.

“I don’t think Petra would mind sharing, do you? She doesn’t even need to know.” Sofia’s voice became breathy, hitched a little. Levi understood. She was playing the cool, worldly woman, but she was still a girl with a crush. Living out her fantasy. “And you might like it more with me. Think about it. This would be a nice arrangement for both of us. We could be happy here.”

“This isn’t my home, kid. I belong above, with my squad.”

“With Petra. But does she know you the way I do?”

Move. He had to move, but he didn’t know how to do it without looking freaked or furious. He swallowed, throat dry, as Sofia knelt before him. Their faces were about level, and she licked her full lips. Her gaze hovered at his mouth. A soft kind of need stole over her features.

“I’m not going to be a king in the underground. Never again,” he growled.

“I don’t blame you. I don’t want to be queen.” Her black eyes shimmered with need as she looked up at him. “Levi, what if we wanted to _change_ this place? Together? Bring all the people trapped down here into the light? No more pain. No more hunger. No more living off the scraps of whatever the rich pigs upstairs drop down the sewer gratings. You think I don’t want to give all the people who live here their dignity?” She leaned nearer to him. The scent of lavender overpowered him. “I’m not the cold, practical businesswoman you think I am.” Her mouth hovered near his. “Stay tonight, and I’ll show you the real me.”

When she went in to kiss him, Levi snatched her by the chin and held her tight. Sofia made a startled noise.

“I told you before. I love only one woman. I follow only one man. Whatever adolescent bullshit you’ve got in your head, let it die. I should’ve known I was wasting my fucking time.” He shoved her away and stood. Sofia banged against the table, but Levi wasn’t about to go fussing over her. He glowered, and she looked up in shock. “I don’t need your help, kid. Play your little games, but don’t ever come near me again. You mean nothing to me.”

Was it cold? Yes. But Levi had been played for a fool, and he was as angry at himself as anyone else. He strode past Sofia, still sprawled across the floor, and made for the exit.

“Wait.” He didn’t stop until she spoke again. “The Red Hand’s headquarters are in the old tunnel district. They moved last year. I don’t know why. Last I heard they were under new management.”

Levi turned, frowning. “What do you mean? Rott—”

“He’s dead. I don’t know who’s in charge now. I truly don’t. Whoever it is, he keeps himself secret.” Sofia didn’t turn to look at him. “The Red Hand has guns. Lots of them. They keep a rotating crew of at least fifteen people to guard the place. There. Eckhardt’s blood debt is paid.”

Levi nodded. “Okay. Thanks. Coulda saved me a lotta fucking time. Tch.”

She turned then, and Levi saw swelling around her eyes. They were red and glistening with tears. Her chin wobbled. In the span of a few minutes, Sofia had been a seducer, a businesswoman, a dreamer, and now she was a jilted kid crying on the floor. She was whatever she needed to be to survive down here—Levi understood that quite well. If Levi had had any pity to spare, he’d have given it to her.

“You’ll never take him alone,” she said.

“Don’t suppose you’re gonna give me the men you promised?” He smirked when Sofia wiped her eyes and didn’t answer. “Of course not. You wanted me to be your male whore first, right? Well. Good fuckin’ luck maintaining power, kid. You’ll need it.”

Levi walked out of the room. No one stopped him as he took the stairs to the ground floor, and as he walked outside. His vision was getting blurry; fuck, he must’ve been awake going on twenty hours. Even he needed a little rest now and then. He had some coin left. Maybe he could get a room for a few hours, make sure he barred the door against light-handed thieves and aggressive whores. If what Sofia said about the Red Hand’s hours was true—and it probably was—he had the time.

Petra. Petra. Sofia’s body hadn’t tempted him, but it’d made him think of Petra wearing a skimpy little thing, Petra urging him to come to bed. He wanted her so badly he was afraid he’d bust something. Like his balls would explode. Levi winced; fuck, he was bad with all that lovey poetic shit, wasn’t he?

Erwin. His thoughts trended to Erwin, leaving even Petra behind. If Levi fucked up this assignment…his head began to throb. Pain knotted behind his left eye. He could not disappoint his Commander.

Petra and Erwin, Erwin and Petra. The tug between the two could not be helped. The thought of them both split his head down the center.

Fuck. He needed sleep.

“Hey mister. Mister. Hey!”

Levi stopped and looked at a couple of kids who were seemingly desperate for his attention. They hovered by a shuttered storefront. One of them held out a wooden tray, a bunch of bric a brac displayed upon it. They looked dirty, these kids. There was something familiar about them, too, though he couldn’t place it.

“Not in the mood, boys,” he grunted.

“You going somewhere special? We got some nice things for a lady, if you’re lookin’ for one.”

“I don’t think whores expect jewelry, kid. Money’s good enough.” Levi tried getting past the boy, but he sprang up again and again in his path. Like a fucking fungus. Levi heaved a sigh.

“Just look what we’ve got today. Black velvet choker with a gray pearl.” The kid held it up. Levi rolled his eyes to the cavernous ceiling above. “Silver earrings. Look! This is the nicest one. Just got it a few hours ago. The chain broke, but the jewel is—”

“I’m fine, kid. Don’t make me put my foot up your—”

Levi looked. Levi stopped talking. Levi forgot to breathe.

The jewel…

“Yeah, isn’t it nice?” The boy held it up for closer inspection, gleeful. “It’s, uh, like amber or something? Five gold coins and it’s yours. She’ll probably give you a blow job if you give her this.”

Levi could no longer hear. He could only stare at the jewel—the topaz, it was a brown topaz.

The chain was broken, clearly ripped from a woman’s neck.

The silver setting was unmistakable.

_Petra standing before the fire wearing nothing but her necklace. “You said never to take it off.”_

_The topaz gleaming between her breasts as they made love._

_Her moans in his ear, the sweetness of her mouth._

“Where did you get this?” he croaked.

***

They ripped the bag off Petra’s head. Her hands were still tightly bound behind her back. She coughed and sneezed; it’d smelled like potatoes and stale onions in that bag. Her eyes watered as she gazed up into the faces of her kidnappers. She sneered.

“Where are we?” she snapped.

“Kinda would defeat the point of fuckin’ baggin’ you if we said.” One of the shaved head goons spat beside her. Petra wrinkled her nose at the glob of spittle. She looked around, her heart in her throat. Was this the Red Hand’s headquarters?

To their right, the mouth of a cavernous tunnel yawned. It was about ten feet high, and Petra swore she could hear the drip of water. It was darker in this part of the underground. The lanterns were fewer, the shadows longer and more pronounced. Stalactites ten feet long or so loomed at them out of the darkness, monstrous teeth in a titan’s mouth. Petra shuddered at the idea.

Before them was a building, a couple of stories tall. Lights burned in every window, and she could see the silhouettes of men and women in those windows. They appeared to be armed with guns, and she felt all their gazes resting on her. She sweated between her shoulder blades; hopefully none of them recognized her. Petra hissed as the man who’d taken off her bag yanked at her hair. Tears filled her eyes from the pain.

“Better make yourself pleasin’. If you don’t, and they don’t want you? Yer dead.”

“What’s this?” A new man’s voice. Petra watched as the front door opened and a young, small man in round glasses walked towards them. He looked so out of place here, a jumpy hare among wolves. The weedy fellow stood before Petra, and gazed down upon her. She could not read his expression; the lantern light glinted across his glasses, giving him eyes of fire.

“Compliments of Klaus over at the Cheeky Bitch. This one’s kinda mouthy. Klaus thought you could use another girl over here. The boys might be gettin’ tired of the same ol’ stretched out pussy, y’know?” It took all Petra had in her not to scream. She bared her teeth, and glared at the man with glasses.

“Where did she come from?” the man in glasses asked.

Petra’s stomach turned to ice. If they said she was from above, throwing her weight around with the Military Police, this man might put two and two together and realize she was Levi’s. The blood screamed in her ears. She was an idiot. She’d never thought these people might talk to one another. She’d assumed, in her own snobby way, that underground dwellers communicated mainly in grunts and handfuls of grimy money.

“From above,” the shaved head said.

“Mmm. We do appreciate good pussy around here, especially fresh air pussy.” Petra winced at the man’s disaffected way of speaking. Of reducing her to a single part. “However, sometimes people come looking for the surface dwellers when they disappear. The MPs don’t like it. That can be tricky.”

“No one comes to the tunnel system. Not these days.”

“What’s she doing down here?” the man in the glasses asked.

“You _bastards_! Let me go!” Petra shouted, desperate to end this conversation. She tried rising to her feet, but the shaved head backhanded her across the side of the face. The world spun as she collapsed onto her side. A buzzing began in the center of her brain. Petra worked her jaw, trying to still her jiggering vision.

“Careful. Don’t damage the property,” the man in glasses said.

“Listen, Klaus is lookin’ for at least twenty in gold. She’s young, she’s probably tight, and she’s feisty. Breakin’ her in’ll be fun for you.”

“I see. The girl might make an enjoyable addition to our roster. But I confess, twenty is a lot of money.”

“Twenty’s the price. Unless you wanna fight over it.”

Petra lay on the ground, tears leaking from the corner of her eye. So this was it. Within a few hours, she’d landed herself in the worst trouble of her damn life. Levi. She squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly, it seemed a real possibility she’d never see him again. And even if she did, she’d made his life so much harder.

“I don’t fight with thugs. Klaus knows that. I merely keep the books.”

Petra watched the man in glasses turn and walk away. She tried to lift her head. Was that it? Was that all? The shaved head thug seemed confused as well.

“What you playin’ at? Hey!”

The front door opened again.

A shot rang out.

Petra watched as the shaved thug’s head exploded in bits of meat and blood. He fell backwards, lifeless. Petra opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. She heard the dull thud of boots on the earthen floor. A shadow stretched across her body. Her vision trembled as she gazed up at the man standing over her.

He was tall. Very tall. From what she could tell in this dim light, he was old as well, probably in his late sixties. She could not read much of his features, as he wore a wide-brimmed hat that shadowed much of his face. His chin was scruffy. When he tipped his hat back to get a better look at her, Petra saw that he had the most astonishing eyes. They were like blue fire. They made him look, for one disconcerting second, as young as her.

He held up a gun as he looked at her. Slowly, he holstered it. Petra dimly heard people dragging the thug’s body away into the tunnel, but she did not look. She had eyes only for this man standing over her.

His eyes. There was something… _familiar_ about them.

“Oi, oi, oi.” The old man grinned, displaying rows of threatening teeth. “What’ve we got _here_?”


	9. Chapter 9

The next lies Petra told would probably mean the difference between her life and her death. She had been dragged off the earthen floor and strongarmed through the doorway, into a building that was teetering on the edge between run-down and a collapsed pile of timber and rubble. Petra had not noticed the faces, or the voices. All she could hear was the gunshot. All she could see was the old man standing over her, leering.

She’d been thrown into a room, her hands untied, and then the door locked behind her before she could even find the strength to turn around and attack. Her wrists were chafed from where the cords had bound her. She paced back and forth, from the door to the boarded up window. She glanced briefly at the other furniture: a wardrobe in the corner, a beaten up table against the wall, two wooden chairs…and a bed.

The bed was little more than a mattress on the floor, a rough blanket covering it.

She knew why Klaus and his thugs had attempted to sell her to these people. Petra closed her eyes. Her instinct screamed to attack whoever came through that door…

_Think, Pet. You’re smart, but you never think things through._

Papa gently admonishing her as he picked her off the ground. Her stockings were torn, fresh blood glistening on her knee. Petra’s chin wobbled as she glared after where Oruo had gone, leaping over the neighbor’s fence. She’d tried to do it the same, ignoring the limitations of her height. She was just too damn short.

_Use the good brain I know you have. Don’t just rush into things._

She paused, closed her eyes. Right now, Levi was not here to help her. The squad was not here to help her. The Survey Corps was not here to help her. She must rely on herself.

Now. What did these people know?

She had to assume that someone here might recognize her as Levi’s girl, but so far she hadn’t seen anyone respond like that. There was a decent chance that the person who’d taken her necklace off and obliquely threatened her in the inn hadn’t really gotten a good look at her. Maybe it’d been more the principle of the threat, telling Levi that the Red Hand could get him anywhere. It was no comfort, but maybe without the necklace and Levi to mark her identity, she could escape their notice.

She had to proceed with that idea in mind. The thug had been killed before he could mention the Military Police. Petra had to play a role now, and she had to be convincing in that role. If she could not convince whoever came through that door, she would die.

_I can’t die until I see him again._

Petra’s hands trembled as she imagined Levi’s face, a glimmer of shock and anger in his cold eyes when he saw what she’d gotten herself into.

She had to make up for all this bungling.

Somewhere in here, she had to assume the Red Hand had the Commander’s money. If she could at least find out where it was, that would help. Maybe she could even steal it. Though her gut lurched when she considered what she would have to do in order to be privy to those kinds of secret details.

_Play a part. It’s your fault this happened, no one else’s. You have to do what it takes to make things right._

But she couldn’t imagine sleeping with those murderers out there…

The click of a key in the lock. Petra whipped around as the door opened, and a man came through. He kicked the door closed, locked it, then sauntered over and pulled a chair out from the table. He sat in the center of the room, while Petra huddled closer to the window. Her heart beat wildly.

It was that old man, the one with the extraordinary eyes and the horrifying smile.

“Well, well.” He rubbed the back of his hand across his scruffy chin, and gave a rumbling laugh punctuated with a cough. “Yer the best lookin’ little piece I haven’t paid for in a long time.”

Petra felt herself go still. She knew that when he went to put his hands on her she would kill him or die trying.

“So.” He hitched his right ankle across his left knee, leaned back in his chair. She’d never seen anyone so relaxed. “What’s yer name?”

She really couldn’t place this man’s accent. It was a kind of street talk she’d never heard before, like he was playing a part or something. He was a showy man, she realized. The opposite of Levi, with his quietness and his tendency to blend into shadows.

“Oi, you deaf? Your name.”

It took her two swallows to get her voice to come out. “N-Nifa.”

“Nifa? Neeee-faaaa. Eh.” He wrinkled his nose; some kind of warped delight flashed through his eyes. “Ugly fuckin’ name.”

Petra felt wounded on her friend’s behalf, and clamped her lips shut. _Don’t go looking for trouble._

“Surface dweller? If that shaved dick outside was tellin’ the truth, of course.”

“Yes. I’m from Trost.”

_Mix lies with the truth_ , that’d been Levi’s advice to the squad once upon a time, sitting around a campfire out in retaken Titan lands. Petra had lain on her side and gazed at him through the crackling flames, drinking in every word and detail. He’d been telling them how to hold up during an interrogation; Oruo had begged for every bit of information he could get. Whenever Levi spoke, Oruo looked so puppy-doggish that Eld asked when the wedding would be. But yes, Levi had told them how to outsmart a human predator. No one had asked how the captain knew tricks like these. He wouldn’t have answered such a question. _When you need to put on a show for someone, tell the truth as often as you can. You don’t wanna get caught in a dumbass lie._

“Trost? Yer a long way from there now, eh?” The old man chuckled again, that rusty, gargling sound that Petra already hated. But she could not help staring at him in utter fascination. Something about the lines of his face demanded to be noticed. And the eyes…

What did they remind her of?

“So why’d ya come down here? Lookin’ fer something _bad_?” His eyes crinkled; she felt him sizing her up. “Little Daddy’s girl, I’ll bet. Always gets whatever she wants. What, he say no to you ‘bout something fer the first time in yer life? No new dress? No fuckin’ pony?” He laughed again, a wheezing sound like the air was leaking out of him.

Even though she was mercifully leading him off the right track, she still felt raw at his words.

“He…he wanted me to marry someone I didn’t love.” Petra swallowed again. She’d have killed for a glass of water right about now. Once again, she had not told a complete lie. Oruo, who’d been always hanging around their house, while her father and mother poked and prodded at her from the time she turned twelve. Wouldn’t they have a nice little life if all of them lived on the same street? She and Oruo would get married and take over his father’s stall, Petra would be pregnant on and off for over a decade. Petra would fix Oruo’s meals, and gossip with other neighborhood women across a clothesline. Her parents had arranged her entire future in their heads. And then she’d seen Captain Levi in a crowd, and her future had forever altered.

“Oi. So yah ran all the way up north to the capital, eh?”

“It’s hard to find work up there. In Mitras, I mean.” Not a lie. She’d heard of the bread lines, the slow trickle of employment. So strange to find the wealthiest and most impoverished living side by side. “I wanted to know if I could find some sort of job down here.”

“Well. Ya did.” His blue gaze raked over her, and Petra felt him undress her mentally. Even though she was clothed, she crossed her arms over her breasts.

“I wanted to work as a barmaid. I’m not a whore.” Her voice shook. The old man grinned, bit down on the tip of his tongue. It felt like an obscene gesture.

“We don’t always get to choose, do we?” The man snickered. Petra stepped backwards until she was pressed up against the boarded window. He was deadly with a gun, this man, but he was old. She could take him if she only had the element of surprise.

“I’m not…I’m not going to sleep with you.” Her vision blurred. Shit, she didn’t want to cry.

“Well, it’s yer lucky day then, girly.” Petra wiped her eyes as the man put his boots on the floor and stood. He was so tall that the room seemed to shrink around him. “I ain’t lookin’ fer a fuck.”

Petra blinked. “Then…then why…”

“Not that I wouldn’t appreciate it. Get the feelin’ yer tighter ‘n a merchant’s grip on his gold.” That rumbling laugh again. Petra hated how her face heated up. “But I don’t fuck. Not anymore.”

He said it with such nonchalance that Petra couldn’t help but be curious.

“Do you have a disease?” she asked stupidly.

The man’s eyes turned from fire to ice. Petra had the awful feeling that he was deciding whether or not to snap her neck. The rage lifted; perhaps he’d flipped a coin in his mind’s eye, and its landing had gifted Petra her life. No other reason than chance.

“Nah. I realized one day I’m not meant to be anyone’s father. Seemed smart t’avoid the possibility.” He took a heavy step forward. “Now, ginger. Strip.”

Relief, panic, anger and fear collided within her breast. All Petra could manage was, “Wh-what? You said—”

“We wanna make sure you got nothin’ on ya.” He took off that wide-brimmed hat and tossed it onto the table. Petra got a better look at the surprisingly full head of gray hair, slicked back and longish. “House rules.”

“I won’t.” She lifted her chin.

“Well, that ain’t the answer you wanna give.” He jerked a thumb towards the locked door. “See, if ya strip and show me everything, that’ll be enough. But if ya make me get a couple of the fellas in here, they’re gonna do the work while I sit and enjoy the show. Not only that, but they’ll be checkin’ all the little openings on yer body. Plenty of places to stick a gun or knife, after all. Ya wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen women do to smuggle in a blade.” Again, that yellow smile. “Ya wanna be bent over the table, a few pairs of eyes on yer twat? Hell, maybe ya _like_ that sorta thing.” He snickered again. “My kinda girl.”

Petra hovered for a moment, wondering if she could just try running at him. But the gun holstered by his side was a deterrent. And she believed this man would do what he said.

It took three tries to undo her scarf. Petra laid it on the bed, knees weakening when she imagined taking off her clothes with Levi. Folding and putting them in the correct place. Every piece of clothing she’d removed had made her feel even more free. She’d become so perfect in his eyes. How warm and full she’d felt then; how cheap and ugly now.

_No_.

Her eyes met the old man’s, her gaze wrestling with his. She would not hide her head and weep while she let this man look at her. She wouldn’t allow him to possess her that way. As she slid off her coat, untied her boots, and unrolled her stockings, she kept her gaze welded to his.

“That’s good, girly. That’s the way,” he said. For the first time, that mocking lilt in his voice smoothed over. When Petra began unbuttoning her shirt, and he leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, she still did not look away. She bared her teeth as she threw the shirt onto the floor. As she unbuckled her skirt, let it pool at her feet. She did not feel the damp, subterranean chill on her skin now. She felt only hate.

She liked that. It was better than shame or fear.

“Almost done.”

“Yes. I am.” Taking a deep breath, she unclasped her bra and tossed it to the side, then untied her pantalettes and threw them away. She stood before him with her shoulders back, her nipples beading in the air. She nearly went into her at ease military stance, but she didn’t want to give anything about herself away.

_I’m not at his mercy. I’m a soldier on a mission._ The words gave her small comfort, but they gave her some.

The old man stood, and for a horrifying moment she feared he’d come over and fling her onto the bed. That this had been a trick to get her naked without a hassle.

“Relax. It ain’t that.” He understood implicitly what she’d been thinking, and ran the tip of his tongue along his teeth. “Wild girl. I can see it in yer eyes.”

Petra’s breathing turned harsh. Every second of exposure to his gaze was like acid on her skin.

“Aren’t ya afraid?”

“Would being afraid help me at all now?” At least her voice didn’t hitch. The old man smirked.

“Practical little thing.”

“You’re trying to intimidate me. It’s very obvious.” Petra could have slapped her face. Idiot. Antagonizing the man with the gun was a bad idea, especially when she was completely naked. The old man coughed, nodded.

“Spunky thing. All right. Turn around,” he said.

That would take her eyes from his. Turn her into an object.

“Do you need me to do that?” Her teeth chattered. With cold, with shame, with rage. Mostly rage.

“I’ll put it this way. Turn around now. If yah don’t, I’ll make ya. I’ll stick my finger up yer ass to check for anythin’ suspicious. Might get a little friendlier if I feel like it.” He sounded pleasant, as if discussing what to order for lunch.

“You said you don’t fuck anymore.”

“Well, ya can’t get a woman pregnant through the back door, can ya?”

“Fine.” Petra turned and faced the window, finally letting a few more tears slide down her cheeks. Her hands fisted at her sides. She was going to kill this man.

That gun holstered at his side…

She was going to kill him.

One step. Two. Petra willed herself not to turn around as she sensed him come up behind her. She could practically feel his breath on her skin. Her arms stayed locked by her side as the old man made admiring noises. Petra wanted to take the longest, hottest bath of her life to scrub off his evaluation.

“Yer more muscled ‘n I thought.” He sounded admiring.

Shit. Petra’s military service had left its mark upon her body.

“Family trait. I suppose I’m lucky.”

“Mmm.” He came even nearer, and Petra could feel his hand hovering at the space between her shoulder blades.

“You said you wouldn’t touch me,” she rasped.

“Said I’d consider ya strippin’ enough. Said nothin’ about touch.”

“I think you’ve seen all you need to see,” she growled.

“Oh, _have_ I?”

“I’m cold.”

“There’s ways to warm ya,” he muttered. Petra bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the heat of his hand mere inches from her skin. If he touched her, she’d try flipping him. When he was lying on the floor, she’d grab at the gun and then…

She couldn’t even figure out where in this timeline she’d be able to put her clothes back on.

“Not afraid, eh?” He sounded amused. Petra’s teeth chattered as she tried to answer.

“I’m. Cold.”

“Aw, yer not bein’ very polite. Want me to call in a few of the guys out front? They’re not nearly as cuddly as I am, girly.”

Petra whirled around, covering her breasts as she looked up into the man’s eyes. He gazed down at her, grinning at the fact that she barely came up to his chest. She bared her teeth in turn, and even snarled. Enough. She was a member of the Survey Corps, hand-picked by Levi himself. She was not some criminal’s plaything.

“I just can’t believe the Red Hand sends some old man in to look after me. Why do they even keep you around? Out of _charity_?”

There it was again, her damn foolish temper. The seconds crawled by in silence…and then the old man stepped back, laughing. He threw his head to the ceiling, placed his hands across his belly. Petra stood in shock.

“Yer either bold or stupid, ginger. Hopin’ it’s both.” One hand rested on his gun’s handle as the old man fell into his seat with liquid ease. “Oi, oi, but I get it. Suppose I don’t look like the sorta man to head an operation like this. People’ve made that mistake before. Underestimated me.” He scratched his chin, eyed her coolly. “Wrong as shit, of course.”

“Y-you?” Petra’s words failed. This… _this_ was Rott?

How stupid was she? Her idiocy seemed infinite.

“M-me, sweetheart. Now we’re done with business, lemme take a peek at you for my own satisfaction.” Petra let her arms hang limp at her sides, still dazed as Rott dragged his eyes along every curve of her exposed body. “Flat little stomach. Too flat fer my taste—I like a woman who’s a bit softer. Tits are damn near perfect, at least. Kinda small, but perky.” What a pig. His gaze lingered obviously on her crotch. Petra’s instinct was to cover up, but this new revelation had turned her thoughts down a different track. If this was Rott, then he was the most powerful piece on the board of this unfortunate game she’d started to play. If she got on his good side, possibilities opened up. And if she killed him, the Red Hand might be thrown into too much chaos.

Even if it cost Petra her own life, Levi would have an easier time with his mission.

_Don’t go too fast, Petra. One step at a time._

“So. You like what you see?” She lifted an eyebrow, playing a role. Nifa had shown Petra how to do it—bat lashes, touch a man’s forearm, look away, look back, smile. Petra did not hide her body with shame now.

Instead, she took a step nearer to Rott, then another. The old man’s eyebrows lifted so high they nearly disappeared into his hairline.

“Gettin’ bold there.” But for the first time, he sounded unsure.

Petra couldn’t entirely undo what had passed between them these last few minutes, so she decided to be as honest as the circumstance allowed. She shrugged.

“Now that I know you’re in charge, I’d like to be friends,” she said coolly. She walked all the way up to Rott, and now _he_ was the one looking up at her. Petra barely even noticed her nakedness anymore; nudity was a uniform, much like her green cloak out on the battlefield. She was playing a dangerous game. She did not let her line of sight stray to his gun, but she sweated knowing it was there.

“Want to fuck the boss, eh?” Rott whistled. “Women. All of yah taste different but think the same.”

Petra wished she could strangle him. Instead, she jerked her head over her shoulder towards the pile of her clothes.

“Since we’re not going to fuck, I’d like to get dressed.”

Rott’s right hand squeezed his knee. Petra knew enough about men to know he was fantasizing about squeezing some part of her. Her breast, or her throat? She had no way of knowing.

“Who says we’re not fucking?”

Danger. “You already did. Sir.”

She said ‘sir’ like she’d said it to Levi in mockery these last few days, all breathiness and implication. Rott hissed through his teeth.

“So. May I get dressed?”

“Might as well. Less you’re plannin’ on takin’ a shit right here.”

For a second, Petra’s eyes slid out of focus. It was like a jolt of static electricity, a brief, painful surge throughout her body. The line he’d used, and the way he’d said it…

_Levi?_

Petra shook her head. Rott and Levi were from the same world; of course they’d use some of the same coarse language. Perhaps Rott had rubbed off on the captain during his formative years. Petra stepped backwards, slipped into her pantalettes again and tied them. When she reached for her bra, Rott stopped her.

“Oi. Not yer old things. Open up the wardrobe.”

Petra’s stomach sank as she turned to the small wardrobe in the corner of the room. When she opened the doors, she found a few black, sheer scraps of fabric lying in an inky puddle at the bottom. She picked one up, found that its skirt would rest somewhere above her knee. The sleeves were sheer, the neckline low. The back was nearly nonexistent. Petra made a noise of disgust.

“Yah don’t like it, we can keep ya naked.”

Hissing a curse, Petra slammed the door and stepped into the “gown” if she could call it that. She adjusted to the best of her ability, tugged at the skirt to get it as low as it would allow. The sheer, gauzy sleeves tickled her arms, and she realized that wearing a bra with this would be damn near impossible.

“It must be nice to have these outfits hanging around,” she drawled.

“Yer not the first new girl we’ve had.”

_Fine. Play at being his little pet. You only need to get close enough to—_

“Do you like me?” She turned on her heel and padded over to him. Rott leaned back, the front legs of his chair lifting off the floor. He whistled low.

“Better be careful how sweet you start lookin’, girly. I wouldn’t mind gettin’ yah on yer knees.”

“I think the floor would be too cold.” She tried to keep her voice even. She forced herself not to wince when Rott slipped off his jacket and slung it along his chair’s back. “What do you want?”

“Aw, an old man likes a soothing back rub from a young lady now ‘n again. Few things better in this world than a woman’s touch. C’mere, girly.” He motioned for her to stand behind him. Petra obliged, resting her hands upon his shoulders. She looked down at the gray-streaked hair; he certainly had plenty of it. Most men his age—or younger, like her father—were lucky to even _have_ hair. Rott gave a low kind of moan as Petra began to rub his back, to massage his shoulders. At least he hadn’t stripped. She gaped as she felt his body through the fabric of his shirt. He was all steely muscle; nothing about him had softened with age. Petra rubbed her thumbs in concentric circles along the back of Rott’s neck, and tried not to react when he moaned even louder. She pressed her breasts against him, smelling the pomade in his hair. The old man nestled his head between her breasts, his eyes fluttering shut. Petra rubbed him, and wondered if she could reach down and take that gun…

“Yah got strong hands,” Rott said. His voice was husky with need.

_Yes, from working blades and killing titans._

_Wouldn’t it be great to strangle you? Maybe I could do it._

“Thank you. I’m wondering,” Petra said slowly, realizing the distance to that holster was too far, “if we could come to some sort of arrangement.” She stopped massaging him, and pressed her hands over his chest. He reached up, squeezed her hands.

“Whatta ya got in mind?”

“If you make me comfortable and keep me away from the others, I’ll be yours. Exclusively.” Every nerve in her body was on fire with disgust as she pressed her lips to his ear and whispered, “Whatever you want.”

Petra shut her eyes and imagined she was saying these things to Levi. Despite some of their coarse similarities, her captain and this man were polar opposites. Levi would never make a woman strip. He would never threaten her with unwanted sex. Thug though he’d once been, Levi was a gentleman at his core. This man she had to drape herself over could never understand her captain.

_I can’t wait until Levi kills you._

“I can _have_ whatever I want from you, ginger.”

“But I’ll pretend to like it,” she purred.

That got a roaring laugh out of him. Petra released Rott and jerked backwards, a bit stunned. The old man leaned forward and slapped his knee, wiped his eye.

“If I love anythin’, it’s an honest whore.” He whooped again.

“I’m not a whore,” Petra muttered, though it sounded stupid even to her.

“Give it time.”

For a wild second she thought of unlocking the door and running out, but there were too many unknown variables. Once, the Commander had instructed the special squads in taking independent action when needed—a sort of seminar, Hange called it. Erwin had told them never to jump into a situation with too many unknown variables, not if there was a better way out. Of course, in the same breath he’d said that sometimes they had to make unorthodox decisions. Oruo and Petra had been puzzled as hell. _That’s Erwin for you_ , Levi’d said, his fondness as unmistakable as his expression was inscrutable. _Nothing he says makes sense, but it’s the only thing that works. That’s how you know he’s a genius._

Petra had felt, for one brief moment, the tug of jealousy.

_Why am I thinking of that right now?_

She could not run—men would be standing guard outside, and she had no weapons. The place was packed with guns, she’d seen that much. Rott was her only safe passage—unless she got that pistol, of course.

“Here.” Petra placed her fingertips on his shoulder and sauntered around him slowly. She knelt in front of Rott, making sure to push her chest forward to plump her breasts. She got some actual cleavage this way. As the old man looked down her top, she glanced at the holstered gun. Still too far…

Petra tugged at Rott’s boots. The old man grunted, but let her have her way. She slid the boots off, placed them against the wall. Then she ran her hands up and down his calves, first the left leg, then the right. Rott watched her, utterly transfixed as she began to massage his legs. She started near the heel, working her way up the calf muscle. Every now and then, she’d look up into his eyes. Like Nifa had taught her, a quick glance, then back to her work. Rott sucked in a breath every time she gave him a look, every time she glanced away and bit her lower lip. Petra tried not to notice the increased swelling in the man’s crotch, but it was becoming unavoidable.

_Men lose their common sense when they’re horny,_ Nifa had told her. Petra prayed her friend was as worldly wise as she claimed to be.

“Does this please you?” she asked breathily. She rubbed her hands up and down the lines of his legs, bringing her fingers incredibly close to his crotch. Rott made a soft, undone noise at the back of his throat as she trailed her fingers once—just once—across that bulge. Acid burned at the back of her throat. Petra nearly blacked out with loathing. She wanted to chop off her own hand; she would not do that again. Every second in this sunless hell made her feel increasingly hollow. Touching this man was siphoning off bits of her soul, piece by piece. “Do you like it?” she whispered, forcing herself not to cry out with disgust. She had to be seductive. She had to play a part.

_Levi. I wish…_

_I wish I could get rid of him for you. Maybe I can._

“Yer playin’ with fire, ginger.”

“Nifa. Call me Nifa.”

“Ginger. I like that better.” He slid a hand through her hair, and for a terrifying second Petra thought he’d force her head into his lap. But his touch was strangely gentle, almost affectionate. A grandfatherly touch.

Considering the circumstances, she didn’t want to think about her grandfather at all.

Petra sat up on her knees, bracing her hands on Rott’s thighs, ignoring the bulge in his pants. Her fingers on his right leg itched for that holster. So close. She brought her lips near his, and fluttered her lashes.

“I think we can make each other happy,” she said quietly. Her hand traveled in the direction of his hip, to give a squeeze. So close to the fucking holster…

Petra shrieked as Rott lifted her by the waist and seated her upon his lap. She was sitting on his left knee, exactly opposite of where she wanted to be. Petra gasped when he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close. Rott’s face was stony now, his mouth pressed in a hard line. His blue eyes seemed to caress her face. Petra felt his erection against her ass. She focused on the eyes, the eyes…they were the one part of this man’s face she liked, even gravitated towards, though she didn’t know why. Despite the heavy wrinkles and bags under his eyes, she saw that his face was long, and the jaw shaped like a lantern. Twenty years ago or so, he must’ve been a very handsome man.

“Yer a temptin’ little piece,” he whispered, his voice hot against her ear. Petra smelled whiskey on his breath, tobacco underneath. His hand groped at her thigh, squeezed the curve of her ass. “Though I shouldn’t…”

Petra didn’t want him to give up his vow of chastity on her account. Definitely not.

Whiskey and tobacco…

“Would you like a smoke?” She remained calm as he frowned at her. “It relaxes men.”

“Yah know an awful lot about pleasin’ men, do ya?”

“No. But…I hear things.”

“Daddy’s girl, eh?”

Petra’s skin crawled with the way he said it. Her vision trembled, and she thought of slapping his face.

“Mmm. Fine.” His eyes darted to a box on the table. “Cigars and matches.”

Petra got up, feeling how weak her legs were. She opened the wooden box, retrieved the cigar and the match, and then perched herself back on Rott’s knee. This time, she took the right. When her hand dangled, it would touch that gun…

“Light it for me,” he breathed, his eyes pinned to her face. Petra pressed the cigar between his lips, leaned over and stuck the match into a lit candle. She played the flame along the cigar’s end, watching the embers ignite and smolder. Rott puffed, leaned back, and let smoke billow out of his mouth, curling around the sides of his face to dissipate into the air. It smelled strong, that tobacco, but Petra couldn’t help liking it. She’d always liked “masculine” smells, strong soap and leather, tobacco and whiskey. As he took another puff of his cigar, Petra leaned forward. She rested her head upon his shoulder, cradled her face near his neck. Her right hand played across his chest, teasing a button, suggesting that she’d undo it. The left hand passed along his side, touched at his hip… Her pinky traced the wooden handle of the gun. Petra shut her eyes. Breathe. She had to breathe.

“Been a while since I had a woman,” Rott muttered in her ear. His breath was all smoke. Petra’s ring finger touched the gun. She trembled as he squeezed her thigh. His hand traveled up, underneath the skirt…

_Don’t scream. Almost there._

“Oh? What do you do for fun, then?”

“Well, every man needs a hobby.” He pressed her closer against him, forcing her head back. His breath puffed against her neck. “Me, I like breakin’ a few skulls. All ‘n a day’s work. But what I want more ‘n anything,” he said, his lips tracing the thin skin of her throat, “is _power_.”

“Is that why you made me take my clothes off?” Sweat crawled down the length of her spine. She wanted to scream. But not yet.

“People’ll argue whether power’s better ‘n sex, or the other way around. Tch. All fuckin’ morons. Power _is_ sex, sex _is_ power. Everythin’, girly. It’s all power. I’m teachin’ ya a good lesson tonight.” He slipped his left hand back between her legs; Petra forced herself not to bite him. “And the one with the most power? Well, he runs the world.”

Petra coaxed herself to put her lips to his ear. “But if I do this,” she purred, and gently bit down on the man’s earlobe—and sure enough, he gave a startled moan—“then isn’t that power, too?”

“I like the way you play, ginger.” His fingers traced higher up her inner thigh…

_Almost. There._

“Then let’s play with each other, like I said. Give me what I want, and I’ll return the favor.”

“Oh, I’d like to give you what _I_ want. Tch. Brat.”

That static shock again…the way Rott spoke…

_Almost there._

“Why’d you call me that?” she whispered. She let her lips play against his neck, felt the scrape of his stubble.

“That’s what ya are, ain’t it? A damn brat.” He sighed, chest expanding as Petra felt the gun within her grasp…

“I can be that if you want.”

“Men like me, we know nothin’ much about honor. But…” He made a disgruntled noise. “Oi. Even _I_ can’t do this to him.”

“Who?” Petra breathed, her hand circling the handle…

“Yer so snuggly with me right now. But I recall seein’ ya in bed with another man not more’n a day ago.” He sneered. “ _Petra._ ”

Her mind went blank. She moved on instinct.

Petra grabbed the gun from Rott’s holster and flung herself away from his lap. Hissing, she raised the gun, looked down the barrel. She had it pointed directly at the old man’s chest.

“Get up, you son of a bitch,” she snarled.

Rott grinned.

“Aw, guess the honeymoon’s off.”

“Shut the _fuck_ up. Move. Now.”

Her hands were almost weak with fear, but she would not show it. Could she shoot him? Really? Could she kill another human being, even one as disgusting as him?

Rott casually dropped his still burning cigar to the floor and crushed it to ash beneath his boot.

“I’m not kidding,” Petra croaked.

“Ol’ Levi’s got great taste in women.” His gaze raked her over and over; Petra felt it like a hand on her body, and wanted to vomit. “Knew yah were a spitfire. Bet ya give him a good ride. Fuck knows he needs it. He was born with his collar buttoned all the way and a stick jammed right up his ass.”

“Oh, like you know anything about him,” she snarled. Rott’s eyebrows lifted. He still did not get up from his chair.

“Course I fuckin’ do. Tch. Whatta thing to say.”

“Listen to me, _Rott_. Do as I tell you, or I will put a bullet through your fucking head.” Petra prayed that she sounded convincing enough. Holding up the gun like this was starting to make her arms tired.

“Oi, there was yer first mistake, ginger.” Finally, he stood. “Yah thought I was someone I ain’t.”

“What?”

“Rott’s dead, girly. I put ‘im in the ground myself, couple years back. Fer fun. Ah, I get bored if I don’t have some new little hobby to work on, ya know?” His blue eyes glimmered. “Runnin’ a gang like this? Good challenge for a man my age.”

Petra felt like the room was spinning under her feet.

“Who…who the fuck are you, then?”

“I raised ol’ Levi, sweetheart.”

Petra slammed back to the memory—not even one day old—of Levi looking at the door to the underground and telling her all about himself.

_Man who raised me… Ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?_

“K-Kenny?” Her voice sounded so distant.

“He talked ‘bout me?” The old man seemed utterly delighted, his glee almost childish. His mouth split wide in a grin. Petra wanted to scream at the sight of it. “Aw, that midget. Bet he remembers everything I taught ‘im.”

“Kenny the Ripper,” she said lifelessly. Petra could not grow tired now. She could not sway on her feet. Kenny advanced a step on her.

“Give me the gun, ginger. I don’t wanna kill ya before Levi shows up and the fun really starts.”

“No. No, stay back. I’ll…” Petra put her finger on the trigger. Kenny came to a halt. Tears filled her eyes. “ _I’ll fucking kill you!_ ”

“Now how ya gonna do that,” Kenny said conversationally, “with the safety on?”

He lunged as Petra pulled the trigger. Nothing.

Safety on.

So stupid.

But she didn’t know guns. She knew swords.

“No,” she whispered.

Kenny came at her fast, faster than anyone she’d ever seen in her life. No, not true, not anyone. He wasn’t faster than—

He knocked the gun from her hands. It skidded across the floor as he drove her backwards, throwing her onto the bed. The springs squealed beneath them as he landed on top of her, his weight bearing down upon her body. Petra was trapped under the scent of pomade and tobacco. He jammed his knee between her thighs, keeping her open for him. Petra howled, but no one would come.

This was what they’d “bought” her for.

“Spitfire. That’s it. Fight me. Try to hurt me. Yah feel so damn _good_ ,” he growled. His eyes, blue and shining above her. Windows to madness. His callused hands closed around her throat. “Soft as cream. Hot as flame. If yah weren’t his, I’d…”

She felt him move against her once, then twice. Apparently he couldn’t resist. Then that laughter, that horrible, choking laughter followed. The man loved this—he loved her struggle, her shame, her fear. Petra imagined it was like a predator out in the forest, catching the scent of its distressed prey. She could feel how hard he was, and realized in some dim, dreadful place that her despair fueled his desire.

“No!” Petra tried to scream it, but a choked whisper was all that came out. She tried kneeing him, but he’d made that impossible with his position. She tried clawing at him, but already black spots littered her vision. She couldn’t breathe.

“Ain’t gonna kill ya, ginger. Not yet.”

As she began to fade away, Petra lingered on those eyes. They pierced her. Something about them…

The wrong color. Levi’s were a grayish blue, like steel. These eyes above her were the same vibrant hue as a robin’s egg. But the intensity she glimpsed within them, and something about the shape…

No.

_Probably a client of my mother’s_.

“You,” she whimpered, falling into blackness.

“I can see why he likes yah,” Kenny whispered, and then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may take a little longer to get the next chapter, so I wanted to get past this point. Tune in next time for another episode of Everyone In The Underground Creeps On Levi And/Or Petra. Also, Kenny should come with his own CW.


	10. Chapter 10

Levi did not hurt children. That had been his own loose code when he’d found Isabel languishing in a trash heap one afternoon. He could remember the stink of sour milk and shit, the way he’d held a sleeve to his nose to tromp through the wastelands of those refuse piles. He recalled the tiny, pitiful moan, and the skeletal figure that nearly collapsed in front of him. The girl. The child. She’d barely understood what was happening when he lifted her into his arms to take her home. Later, when she’d come to and he was feeding her bread and ale, she’d waited patiently for him to take payment for his good services rendered, to fling off the blankets and use for her a while. When he made clear this had nothing to do with that, for the first and last time in his life he saw the girl’s eyes fill with tears.

Levi did not hurt children. Even when they were a pain in his ass.

But this time, this one time, he broke his rule.

He had the eight year old’s throat in his hand. He slammed the kid against the brick wall, and shoved him up it. The boy’s legs wheeled and kicked out blindly. He coughed, his eyes wide with panic when he realized he couldn’t breathe. Levi could barely remember doing this; all he could remember was the feeble glint of the topaz. The broken chain.

Ripped from her.

The ten year old might’ve been the better one to get information out of, but it was too late for that. The kid lay crumpled in a heap by Levi’s ankle, facedown with his stolen loot glinting around him. The sad little pearl on the strip of black velvet gazed up at Levi like a fucking reproachful eye. Maybe he shouldn’t have backhanded the kid as hard as he did. The pearl was awful fucking judgy.

_Would_ she _want you to do this? Would Erwin._

Yes. The answer was hard and clear. If it meant getting her back, Levi would give away his soul. He nudged the kid on the ground, and the boy moaned. Good. Not dead.

If Petra turned out to be dead…

“What happened to the woman you stole the necklace from?”

He finally loosened his hold on the younger kid’s neck when it became clear the boy was turning purple and about to pass out. Fat, stupid tears glistened on the boy’s cheeks. Levi could feel how impossibly cold he’d become. All emotion had drained from him. There would be a time for fear later, and for hatred, and anger, and everything else that he’d known nearly every day of his life. Maybe there’d be a time for the peace he’d found at Erwin’s side, or the faint embers of joy he’d known in Petra’s arms. But if Petra were dead somewhere, maybe all the feelings would stop completely.

“W-We didn’t know, m-mister.”

Levi casually choked the boy again. People shuffled around behind him and no one paid a damn bit of attention. Good. He didn’t want to have to break any extra bones tonight. Levi had a feeling he’d be doing plenty of that in short order.

“Doesn’t matter what you knew,” he said to the boy. The kid grabbed uselessly at Levi’s wrist. “She’s mine. What happened to her?”

Petra would not have understood the words ‘she’s mine.’ She would’ve gotten pissed that he considered her his property. He didn’t, but that was the way down here. You were powerful, you belonged to the powerful, or you were prey. Right now, Petra’s best chance at survival meant marking her as his in as many people’s eyes as he could.

He loosened his hold again. This time, there were no scared kid tears, no whimpers. The boy’s eyes deadened a little, and Levi found it was like looking into a mirror. This boy had grown up a long time ago; the child’s façade, while physically real, was just an actor’s trick.

“We were pulling ambushes on newcomers down near the Fritzkopf entrance. She was an easy mark.” The kid sneered at Levi. “If she’s yours, you should take better care of her.”

“I will.” He squeezed again, and the kid winced. “Fritzkopf gate. Fine. What happened?”

“We stole the necklace and took off. She chased us a few blocks, then we split up and I escaped into the sub-tunnels. I don’t know what happened to her after that.”

Levi’s heart was pounding, and there was fire at the edges of his vision.

Maybe, just maybe, after Petra had lost her necklace she’d freaked out and left, run back up to Mitras. Levi wanted to believe she’d had that much fucking sense, but he also knew her. The bravest of their squad, a girl of unflinching nerve, but a girl who let her emotions get the better of her. In that way, she was Levi’s direct opposite. Petra rushed in where others walked, and if she’d come down here to find and help him, which had to be the fucking idea, she would not turn away after losing a battle. No, she kept going and going and attacking until someone was dead on the ground. Fuck, he loved that about her. And he despised that part of her right now.

Fritzkopf gate. That was the lesser thoroughfare for whorehouses and gambling dens. Levi would start there first. He…

_Fuck._ Like a knife to the brain, a searing headache sprang out of nowhere. His temples throbbed as he imagined Erwin waiting on that money, needing it for the Corps, and every second he stood here punching kids he was losing it. Gold piece by gold piece, it would slip through his fingers, and he’d be no better than that incompetent loser Nile.

The longer he spent looking for Petra, the more likely he would fail Erwin. And the other way around.

Petra…and Erwin… The two of them clashed, each occupying a different half of his brain, and Levi swore he could feel it tearing in two. His fingers spasmed around the kid’s throat. The boy coughed. “Hey!” he shout-whispered. Levi realized that he might crush the child’s windpipe if he wasn’t careful. He opened his hands and the kid landed on his ass, taking deep, stuttering breaths.

“If I see you again,” Levi rasped, “I’ll break both your damn legs.” He pocketed the topaz, felt the hard lump of it in his pocket like a talisman. _Take me to her. Let her be all right._

Let her be walking up and down the whorehouses with a blushing face, looking for him, asking around. Let him find her in five minutes, drag her upstairs, send her to wait in the barracks with the promise of a whirlwind of discipline when he returned. Let him kiss her again, taste the sunlight that hadn’t yet had a chance to disappear from her lips.

Let her be safe in the world up above soon, with only titans to worry about. Let him find her up there asleep by a window with a blanket on her lap.

“That it? I mean…” The boy ducked his head. Levi stared at the tarnished jewels blinking at him from the ground, the little bastard’s hoard. He kicked dust onto them.

“Cheap trash,” he grunted, and walked away with his hands in his pockets.

 

The Cheeky Bitch.

Petra’d get pissed if he told her this was her kind of place. His heart twisted; fuck, he wanted her anger.

Levi pushed open the door and nearly choked on all the perfume and hookah smoke that was stinking up the air. Through the haze, he saw scantily clad women as they sauntered around the room, filling glasses and laps that they found empty. A few ladies strolled up to him, but something in his eye made them turn and walk the other way. Levi saw the way these stupid bums were looking at the girls, like they were glistening fruit just waiting, itching to be plucked. Most men stared at these rouged, perfumed women and saw mystical goddamn creatures with secret spaces between their thighs that promised a trip to paradise. Levi knew the ways of these men: they worshipped the whores for their unknowable potential, hated them for the very same thing.

Levi understood the reality of it. The soreness. The chafing. The tiredness. His mother using a rag and astringent to make sure Levi didn’t have any siblings to play with, looking weary and sad as she did it. The slow weeks with nothing in the cupboard, the gurgling bellies. The flush weeks filled with creaking bedsprings, hidden tears and forced smiles for Levi so he wouldn’t know how much she hurt.

Levi looked at these women as soldiers, not goddesses. Every night they did battle. Every night they won a little ground and kept losing the war.

Fuck. He turned his eyes to the bartender at the other end of the room. Levi strode over, working his jaw. So far, no one on this street had seen any sign of a redheaded girl. If this jackass with the slick moustache hadn’t seen anything either, then Levi was in a good or bad place depending how you looked at it. At least then he’d know Petra wasn’t in obvious danger, but he also wouldn’t have a clue where the fuck she was.

“You look like an ale man,” the barkeep said, smiling as Levi approached. Then, slowly, the smile dropped away. The man’s wet black eyes narrowed. “Can’t be. Not…” The man whistled low. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

“Seems to be.” Levi leaned his elbows on the bar…but not before mopping up a spill with some drunk man’s coat sleeve. The guy was laid out, dead to the world.

“Want a drink? On the house. We don’t get many hometown heroes.”

Funny how Levi could walk anonymously through Mitras when he wasn’t in uniform, but down here? Down here, everyone remembered his face, even when he didn’t know them. Levi squinted at the barkeep, trying to place him. Maybe they’d done business a few times. Maybe Furlan had dragged Levi in here for a drink on occasion. Tried to get him laid.

“No drink. I need information.” Levi wished he had a drawing of Petra, but he was a shitty artist. “I need to know if you’ve seen a girl in the last few hours.”

The guy snorted. “Buncha girls, Levi. Seen quite a bit of ‘em, too.”

This was wasting his fucking time, and that pissed him off. The barkeep must’ve noticed, because he stopped being cute.

“Surface girl. Short, shorter than me. Pretty. Red hair, amber eyes. You couldn’t miss her.” His gut lurched. “She stands out wherever she goes.”

“Surface girl? Hmm.” The barkeep cursed as he dropped something, bent down to pick it up. Levi drummed his fingers while waiting. This was taking a damn long time. “She a friend of yours?”

“She’s mine,” Levi said coolly. Behind the bar, something broke. Levi felt his weight settle, and the hairs on his neck stood on end. The barkeep stood up, blustering as he set a couple of new glasses on the counter. “You okay? You look nervous.”

“Eh, dropped a glass. I ain’t seen your girl.” He spoke hurriedly, rushing to pour a new drink. It mostly came out foam.

“Your hand should be steadier if this is your fuckin’ job.”

“Y’know, Schwartz up the street might’ve heard something. He’s always got the intel on the newest pieces coming through town.” The man’s eyes glistened, the eyes of a rat in a cage. “Not that she’d be a piece. If she’s yours.”

Levi looked him in the eyes, and they knew each other. A smile tugged at his mouth. There was something so satisfying about knowing the truth.

“If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life pissing into a bottle, tell me what happened to her now,” Levi said softly.

“Fine. Fine, I saw her. All right?” The guy gritted his teeth. “And I gave her what I’m giving you now.”

The flash of a gun barrel. Levi launched himself over the bar, and took the bartender to the floor with him. The gun went off, roaring smoke and fire into the ceiling. Levi felt the sprinkle of wood splinters against his neck. He barely felt or heard anything else.

She’d been here. Giving him what he gave her…

“Is she dead?” Beside the bartender, there was shattered glass. Levi picked it up, and coolly placed a jagged edge at the guy’s eye. The barkeep whimpered like a dog. “If she’s dead, I’m going to do things to you.”

This was no longer about threats. This was no longer about swagger. This was a promise. He saw Petra, bright against an endless void, screaming for him as she plunged into darkness and he lost her forever.

He hated meaningless death, but he would give this man so much meaning in his final, horrible moments if…

“Not dead. Not dead!” The guy squawked. “L-Look, she said she was an MP. Or somethin’. She was causing trouble in here! We didn’t know she was yours, she kept asking about the Red fucking Hand! If she’d said your name, I swear. I swear. I swear!”

_You came in a brothel to ask directions to the Red Hand?_ Why did that almost make him smile? _There’s no one else like you, that’s for fucking sure._

If he found her—when he found her alive, he would throw her in the brig for five solid days. Then he’d take her out and bring her home, lay flowers and himself at her feet, grateful to the end of his shitty life that she was still here.

“What’d you do?”

“S-Sold her,” he muttered. Levi cut his cheek in a red, blooming gash. “To the Red Hand! One of the guys took her over there, not a few hours ago.”

“Sold her for what reason?”

“C’mon, don’t make me say it.”

Levi cut the other cheek. The man wailed, until Levi started choking him. The barkeep’s eyes bulged, and his tongue lolled from his mouth. But as he choked the bastard to unconsciousness, Levi could’ve kissed him on his sweaty, ugly forehead. The Red Hand. All roads led there. Erwin’s money, Petra’s life. Levi did not have to choose. His eyes closed in one moment of bliss. A little mercy in the shit heap of his life. He did not have to choose between them.

_Not today, at least_ , something in the canyons of his brain hissed. Levi quashed that voice.

When the bartender was unconscious, Levi took the gun and stood. Most of the place had cleared out by now; only a few truly desperate whores and a few nearly comatose drunks remained. Then there were the guys. The muscle. Levi grunted as he looked at the lineup in front of him: five or six men with leather coats and shaved heads. The barkeep’s guys. Oh. Right. The Heller gang.

“Klaus.” He glanced at the unconscious shitheel behind the bar. “It’s been too long.” Then he looked back up at the shooting gallery of low lifes. “Don’t,” Levi said.

But they did.

Levi did not like using guns, and he did not like killing people. He had only one knife on him, but that would be more than enough. Levi sprang over the bar as they began the attack. The first guy who rushed him got the barrel of the shotgun cracked into his skull. Down he went. The second guy doubled over when Levi kicked him in the stomach. Then, his teeth sprayed everywhere when he got Levi’s elbow in his face. Down he went, all over again.

Easy. So, so easy after all this time. So easy to break skulls and bones.

_I’ve spent six years swinging around on cables and killing fifty foot monsters, you insane fucks. What can you do to me that they can’t?_

Though even as he slashed two throats and felt the warm patter of blood on his back, he knew what they could take from him.

Petra.

She hadn’t realized that monsters were nothing to men.

The final two he finished off fast because quite frankly thinking about Petra made him too fucking angry. Levi got one man in a headlock and broke his neck—the snap was juicy, it ran in a tremor up his arm.

Erwin would turn away if he could see Levi now.

_I don’t deserve to be in his shadow._ The thought flared and died. There was too much work to do.

The last guy ran, so Levi rushed after him and delivered a flying kick. The asshole went headfirst through the window, glass raining after him. Was the prick dead? Did Levi care? No.

No, they’d hurt the woman he loved. Sold her as a fucking whore, if Klaus was telling the truth.

Levi cared only about his mission right now. Erwin’s gold. Petra’s life.

His boots crunched on the broken glass as he stepped off the porch and onto the dirt road. He felt people watching him from the windows, but no one spoke up or stepped outside. Levi hurried back into the shadows of the alleyways, leaving the mess for the MPs to find. Chances were that Klaus might tell them who’d done this, or he might keep his mouth shut. Everyone knew what happened to squealers down here. Levi was banking on the man shutting the fuck up.

Dimly, Levi realized that he had no intention of finding an MP to help him, and it wasn’t because he’d just committed a shit ton of crime. Why should he involve those pigs? This was now a delicate operation, a life-or-death one. Fucks like them could only get in the way. Levi was alone down here. And he liked it that way.

The tunnels. He knew where the Red Hand would be. The gold. The girl. He’d get them back. And as he walked through the streets, ignoring the eyes that followed in his wake, he made himself a promise.

Whoever this new leader of the Red Hand was would be dead before sunrise.

***

Kenny watched her sleeping, and wondered if he felt at all bad about what he’d done. His gaze landed on her chest as it rose and fell. Pale skin, the color of fresh cream. A little golden, though, from the sun. The slightest swell of her breasts.

Fuck, of course old Levi’d go for a girl like this. Kenny knew the runt’s every move, every incentive. Levi’d always been a sop, really. Kenny’d been good enough to teach him to be a hardass. To survive. But tch. That midget had always liked soft things, clean things. Show him a girl with big, lost puppy eyes and a shy tilt of the head and he’d pay attention.

Kenny liked women with fire. Poor Levi. He thought this girl was one thing, one simple, sweet thing, but she could be so much more. She was hotter than Levi probably wanted, than he even likely knew. Even though she’d been acting a part with him, Kenny had seen the passion in her eyes. You couldn’t fake that. All Kenny needed to do was push, break her a little bit. He’d relish watching her become her true self, the best version she could be. Uri’d told him that once, that broken things were more beautiful when mended.

Uri.

Again, that tug under his ribs. Shit, how many years did Uri have to be gone before that pain went away? Every time he woke, Kenny would go through that little loss all over again. Couldn’t even think of the funeral, ‘cause there’d been none. His king had been there one day, sitting by the pond, gone forever the next. Kenny sighed, removed his hat even though no one was fuckin’ there to need the courtesy of it. Kenny passed a hand through his greased hair. If ol’ Uri saw what he’d done to this girl, and what he was planning to do…

_Kenny._ Those sad, strange violet eyes watching him. Making him feel like an even bigger piece of shit than he already was. _Why do this to them?_

“Well, I dunno, Uri.” Kenny sighed, replaced his hat. This wasn’t how an uncle was supposed to meet his nephew’s girl. Levi’d want that life, probably, one where he’d bring his girl home to tea with Kuchel and Kenny, who’d have to wear a tie and be on good behavior. Levi’d want his mother’s approval of the girl, and for them all to sit in some cute little parlor and get along. Maybe play a game of cards after, Levi’s hand on the small of Petra’s back. Him kissing a ring he’d placed on her finger. It was all clear as a picture. Fuck. Kenny shook his head. Levi hadn’t been born for this life down here at all. He would’ve been happier up above, pushing papers and playing by the rules. He’d been a sensitive little shit when he was a small boy, always crying and missing his mother. Down here had been a death sentence for a boy like that. “That’s why I had to hurt him, yeah?” he said to the sleeping girl. Petra’s eyes fluttered, but she didn’t wake. “I had to make him the best.”

And he was, wasn’t he? Humanity’s Strongest. First time he’d heard his nephew’s title, Kenny’d had to take a long walk so that no one could see him smiling. Little pissant.

_Not stronger than me, though. Humanity’s Second Strongest._

Though really, it’d been years since they’d last grappled. And even though Kenny had more experience, Levi was in the prime of life. Maybe the playing field was finally level.

Fuck, this’d be so much fun.

He placed a hand on the girl’s calf, and sucked in his breath. She really did feel so fine. Kenny, back when he’d taken women to bed, had loved girls with a lot of fire. This one, she was feisty as all hell.

Did he feel guilty for deceiving her like that? Guilty for letting her play the whore as she clearly planned to get the upper hand? Ah, but he’d enjoyed it. He’d known it was an act every second, but he’d enjoyed her touch. Kenny felt a little sting of jealousy towards Levi. The shithead midget had been born constipated, after all. In his body, in his heart. In his dick, maybe. Petra might like being with a man who knew what the hell to do…

“Captain? Please don’t.”

The door opened, and Carven came through. She walked up to stand next to him, cool as a winter’s night. Frosty as one, really, with how she glared. Carven was his right hand before anything else, but he imagined she had some womanly sympathy for the girl on the bed. This sure as shit didn’t look good, he knew that much. Could’ve told her to get the fuck out, but she was usually the voice of reason in their relationship. Kenny took his hand off Petra’s leg.

“Oi, oi, fine. Tie her to the bedpost.” He stopped Carven. “Only the right hand. Leave the left free.”

“Captain?” Carven frowned as Kenny drew a blade and placed it on Petra’s left side. He grinned.

“We got some time before ol’ Levi shows, I’d wager.”

“Captain, whatever you’re about to do, does it involve…?” Carven gazed at Petra. At the scantily clad shape of her.

“Relax. She’s not gettin’ fucked.” He licked his lips as he gazed at the young woman again. “But a man needs his hobbies.”

***

Petra woke with Levi’s name on her lips. The bed was soft beneath her, and the dream had been too horrible to be real. They needed to go home to Trost, and tell the Commander their plans. They needed to get Petra transferred, so that her life with her former captain could truly begin. She moaned at the thought of him so close. Only a few hours of sleep, but she needed to touch him. She whispered for him, reached out for him.

Her hand touched a knife’s handle, and she couldn’t move her right arm.

Petra’s eyes snapped open. No. Please, no.

It had not been a nightmare.

“Glad yer awake,” said a familiarly loathsome voice. Petra bared her teeth and lashed out, kicking her leg blindly while she fumbled for the knife. She had it, thankfully, and managed to push herself up as she wielded it in front of her. Petra winced as her right shoulder strained itself. Oh, fuck. She was tied to the bed. Half-tied, at least.

But that surely wasn’t an accident.

“You fucking _bastard_!” she snarled, glaring at Kenny from behind her hair. The old man leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, teeth glinting in the candlelight. His smile was disturbingly wide.

“Sad to say I ain’t the bastard in the family.”

Petra tried tugging her arm out of the rope, but it was tied too tightly. She clenched her thighs together when she realized how _exposed_ she was. She grunted as Kenny laughed, and started circling to her left side. Petra tracked him with the knife.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Well, depends. If ya can keep me from touchin’, I won’t.” That strange, boyish grin grew even larger. This was a game, wasn’t it? He really was nothing like Levi, who’d probably never played a game in his life. Ironic, if Kenny were really Levi’s…

She couldn’t bear to think of it. If she did, when she finally found Levi again she might look into his face and discern awful telltale signs of this madman. The shape of the eyes. The narrow point of the nose. No. She couldn’t bear to think that this man had fathered her captain.

Kenny lunged, and Petra struck. He chuckled as he dodged her.

Every time he approached and she defended herself, he chuckled. But over time, he started to look annoyed. Finally, he spoke, sounding rather short.

“Ya gonna try helpin’ yerself here? Or do ya plan on fightin’ til yer exhausted?”

“What do you mean?”

But Petra suddenly understood. She had one knife, and one hand bound. If she cut herself loose, she could be free. But he might try touching her if she had her back turned and the weapon occupied. It was a choice. Keep him off, or risk unwanted touch to free herself. Be safe right now, or be safe in the long term. Levi would tell her to experience pain now for victory later. Petra gritted her teeth, and quickly sawed at the bonds. Kenny laughed.

“That’s it. Good girl.”

“Don’t you fucking call me that,” she snarled. When the bed creaked with his weight, she whipped around and made a clumsy thrust. He got away in plenty of time. Still laughing. Always laughing. When Petra began cutting the rope again, he reached down and grabbed her feet. She screamed and slashed at him, but he was too far away. Kenny crouched before her, holding tight to her ankles. He grinned like the devil.

“Better cut your way free soon. Don’t know how much longer I can resist.” His hands slid up her legs, still holding her down. The skirt was about rucked up around her hips. And then he pressed his dry lips to her ankle, his coarse beard tickling as he worked his way up the leg. Petra’s body began to shut down, but she forced herself on, furious tears stinging her eyes until finally the rope finally and mercifully came loose. She did not think. She lunged forward, Kenny still holding her legs, ready to plunge the dagger into the center of his back.

Kenny threw her over his shoulder, and Petra tumbled to the floor. She hit hard, and tasted blood in her mouth. Spitting, vision rattling, she clutched at the knife and crawled across the floor, flipping onto her back. Kenny approached slowly; too slowly. He was…giving her time to get back up.

“I wanna learn about you, girly. Now we don’t have to fuckin’ pretend any longer.” He licked his lips, drew a dagger from a sheath at his side and flipped it casually in the air. “Always learn about a person when I fight ‘em.”

“Levi said—” She shut her mouth, but he understood.

“Said the same thing when he trained ya?” Kenny waited while she got to her feet. Petra did not notice how cold the floor was, or how frigid the air was on her skin. This gown was a nightmare. But she crouched, getting into fighting stance. Bladework. The captain had always been adamant they know how to fight hand to hand. It had never been and would never be her strongest suit, but Petra was better at it than most assumed when they looked at her. Too small, too cute. Maybe this bastard would make the same mistake.

Though she doubted it…

When Kenny rushed forward, she came to meet him. But he feinted left, and struck at her. Petra ducked, rolled across the floor. She was on the other side of the room now, safe from his hands. This might be her one opportunity to… Eyes widening, she ran for the unguarded door, threw it open…and found three men with guns staring down at her.

For a moment almost hilarious in its length, the four stared at one another. One of the guys even cleared his throat, as if to politely suggest she turn around.

“Not gonna make much progress that way, girly,” Kenny said. Grudgingly, Petra shut the door. As she did, she felt the movement of the wind change on the back of her neck, and flung herself aside at the right instant. Kenny’s lunge hadn’t worked, and she took advantage of how exposed the line of his body was. She struck true, hoping she’d stick her blade right in his fucking heart. From this angle it was unlikely, but sometimes miracles happened.

Yes, amazing things happened. They were just usually terrible things.

“Good!” Kenny moved with a speed that bordered believability. His blade flashed, and hit hers. Petra cursed as the weapon spun from her hand and lodged in the floorboards, handle quivering. She sprang onto the bed and somersaulted off, grabbing the knife and adopting a low, darting technique. She lashed out at his legs, something Kenny hadn’t anticipated. He avoided her, but swore while doing it.

“Good, girly. Bet that midget makes a good teacher for ya. Yer both stupid short.”

“And you’re disgusting and old, while Levi’s neither. Everyone plays to their strengths,” she hissed. Far from being hurt, Kenny roared with laughter.

“I see ya now. This’s the real you, not that little sultry whore act you had earlier on. Yer fire. Like me. Ol’ Levi, he had to learn what comes natural to yah. Took hours of lessons before he learned. He cried all the time til I beat it out of him. You?” He clucked his tongue.

She imagined Levi as a small child, weeping as this monster pummeled and bruised him. Petra felt hate sit in her heart, and grow.

Petra smirked. “I cry. Just not for animals like you.”

She rushed forward, ready for the big thrust to his midsection. But Kenny was too fast, and sparks flared as their steel met. He pushed her backwards, and Petra landed with an oof on the bed. No. _No_. Not again. But when Kenny leaned over her, she flipped the blade up. He hovered above, death a mere inch away, and chuckled.

“Yer fast, got discipline, and know what to do. Know yer biggest problem, ginger? Yer too soft to go for a kill. I opened myself up a couple times—at the door, on the bed when ya woke—and ya couldn’t go in all the way. Ya still think the world’ll be fair? Tch. Only little girls who grow up on fairy tales and sunshine believe that bullshit.”

“I’ve seen at least twenty of my friends die being ripped apart by titans. I do _not_ think the world’s fucking fair!” Petra shouted. She held her breath as he leaned nearer, but her knife held him at bay.

“Wanna try slicing me?” Kenny opened a couple buttons on his shirt, revealing a thatch of gray hair. Petra wrinkled her nose in distaste. “You get one shot. Only drawback is if ya don’t hit it, I’ll return the favor. Go on. Ready?”

“You’re insane.” Her breath trembled.

“And _you_ aren’t? Tch. Yah signed up to fight monsters ten times yer size, ginger. Ol’ Levi, he looks at you and thinks he sees a way outta madness. He always wanted to be normal. But yer as much a freak as he is, Petra. You’d be happier with someone like me, in a life like this.” And he placed his hand on her exposed thigh.

Petra snarled and blindly lashed out with her blade. Kenny deflected it easily. The knife spun over the side of the bed, and there she was. Weaponless. Defenseless.

He gripped her arms and held them on either side of her. Petra refused to let her mouth quiver. She gazed up at her impending death with calm eyes. Like Levi had taught her.

She’d always known in the back of her mind that she would die young. She just prayed she wouldn’t scream when it happened.

“Like I said. Yah got one shot. Now’s mine,” Kenny whispered. He leaned in nearer, and Petra realized with a jolt of horror that he was trying to kiss her. She whipped her face away and squeezed her eyes shut. He laughed in her ear, the whiskey and tobacco on his breath washing over her.

“Levi’s worth ten of you. Twenty. More,” she whispered.

“Glad to hear it.” He sounded honest. “That midget’s my pride and joy.”

“Then why are you doing this to him?”

Petra blinked as Kenny eased off of her. She sat up, trying to find an opening as he collected her knife and sheathed it.

“Lotsa reasons. But how else am I gonna get him to visit?”

To Petra, the most frightening thing was that she couldn’t tell if he meant it or not.

“He’s going to kill you,” she said with the certainty of a prayer.

“Oi, sweetheart. He’s gonna _try_.”

And then, three hard knocks on the door.

“Cap’n! Action outside. The target’s arrived, and he’s… He’s moving fast. We—”

“Shut the fuck up and get out there, then,” Kenny barked. For the first time, he appeared genuinely annoyed.

Levi was here. It was like stepping into a cool stream on a blazing summer day. The first bite of food after too many hours without. Petra could laugh and cry, unsure which she’d do first. Levi would be furious with her, but he’d come out on top. He always did. And when he did, he’d slaughter this old man, this…

“Captain?” Petra muttered. She couldn’t help it. Kenny was many things, but…a captain? He shrugged the question off.

“Dumbass nickname. The, er, guys like to call me that.” His eyes darted left and right. “Well. Foreplay’s over, girly. Yer boyfriend’s here.” There was true delight in his face as he said those words, as he checked his gun and holstered it. As he swept in and caught Petra against him, letting her thrash all she liked. “Time for at least one of us to get _fucked_.”


	11. Chapter 11

Sofia had said that there’d be about fifteen in rotation with guns. Levi hung to the edge of the cavern, invisible behind a bigass stalagmite. He took his time counting the men on the roof; about five. He saw a few shadows moving across the lit windows of the first floor. The place was ramshackle, but kinda big. The key issue, Levi knew, was the tunnel to his right. It wound away into inky darkness. Probably didn’t have a bunch of thugs sitting in there with the bat droppings waiting for somebody to come strolling in. But he couldn’t swear to that, and he hated to take unnecessary risks. Levi narrowed his eyes.

The thing that bugged him most, even more than the tunnel, was that every thug on that rooftop was equipped with ODM. Not the fact that they had it on a rooftop, just in general. Sure, the equipment made getting around easier, but it also made you more noticeable. That’d been fine for him in his thug days with a small entourage, but for a giant gang, one of the big five, it didn’t make a ton of sense. Once you hit Leviathan or Red Hand levels, you tended to keep a low profile. The amount of guns he saw, the ODM, the flashy aspect of the thugs…something didn’t add up.

But Levi didn’t have time for math.

His opportunity presented itself. One of the thugs came down from the roof, wandered over to the lip of the tunnel. He unbuttoned his pants. About to take a leak. Levi sneered; disgusting.

He moved quickly, yanking the guy out of sight. Levi was a lot shorter, but once he got the prick on his knees it was no trouble at all. The guy gave a muffled cry as Levi clamped a hand over his mouth and laid the point of his dagger at his neck. One quick move, and the asshole would bleed out.

“Don’t get cute,” Levi whispered. “The money. The new girl. You know about them?”

The man’s nostrils flared, and his hot breath blasted Levi’s hand. Gross. Finally, after clearly debating a minute, the thug nodded. Good.

“I want you to tell me where they are. If you try to yell when I take my hand off your mouth, you die. Understand?” He twisted the knife a bit just to get the point across. Levi was a genius with the blade. Both of them could feel the skin’s tension beneath the dagger’s tip, knew that a fraction more pressure and the blood would flow. The guy gurgled in his throat. Sounded like a yes. “Okay. Talk.”

He took his hand away, and the prick shouted. “He’s here!”

It was like he didn’t care about his own life.

As Levi killed him, the hot blood spurting over his hands, a small, practical voice in the back of his mind noted that this was atypical of criminals. Usually, they wanted easy money and hard liquor. They’d fight and snarl and act tough, but they clung to their lives like rats on a floating piece of driftwood. They weren’t the type to gladly rush toward suicide just to warn the others.

But Levi didn’t have time for psychology.

He threw the body aside and ducked behind the stalagmite as a gun sounded from the roof. The bullet hit way too close, ricocheting off and disappearing into the gaping maw of the tunnel. It smelled of still water down here, and cold earth. Levi hissed a curse as he grabbed the gun from the dead thug’s holster, aimed, and shot. He was not a big fan of guns. Always preferred the blade. You could control every second of it, and that was what he loved above all things. Control. But a gun would have to do in times like this, and his aim was impeccable. One of the pricks jerked and fell off the roof, landed facedown in a heap on the ground.

In a perfect world, Levi would’ve taken the roof first and killed everyone in silence. Unfortunately, he was only one man, and opportunities were slim and shitty down here. Quick as possible, he grabbed the dead man’s holster and the ODM, strapped himself in. Something about the tightness of the leather harness on his body and the weight of the twin canisters by his side brought him immense peace.

For an instant he was out in the titan forest, flying through the air with his squad behind him. Erwin ahead, waiting on a branch, relaying orders with a calm assurance that made Levi feel as safe as it was possible for him to be. The fresh air and the sunlight. A paradise. Who cared if Levi had to share it with monsters?

He breathed in the stagnant air of the underworld and felt it corrode his blood and heart.

But he had a job to do.

He kept near the mouth of the tunnel, using the shadows to his advantage. Before the thugs could track him, he took off into the air, speeding up to the roof with the ODM. He landed and swung his blade, getting one of them through the ribs and launching him to the ground below. The other spun around, but Levi used his ODM, shooting the hooks out and spearing the prick. The man coughed up blood as Levi drew him in, and sliced his throat.

_Here I am again._ His mind was a cool pond, and he was submerged just below the surface. He held his breath, watched himself slaughter the men above. The image was rippling and distorted, almost like a dream. When he emerged, he’d be washed clean of the whole shitty thing. Petra and the others would be waiting for him on the shore, laughing in the dappled sunlight. As he killed, he let his mind slip away for a minute, secure in his body’s perfection. He could do anything, kill anyone, to get what he wanted.

_Hopefully she doesn’t see. How could she ever love you if she saw this?_

He killed that voice, and killed another thug as well. Now he was alone on the roof, but of course he wouldn’t be for long. Levi crouched, watched as three, four, five more people came running out the front door. He could have a confrontation if he wanted, but he preferred to be as stealthy as possible. Not that it was much of an option anymore.

_Don’t look away from what you did._ Levi blinked at the bodies strewn around him as he wiped down his knife. How many men had he killed already? How many more would he kill?

He’d half-hoped it would be difficult for him. That years of fighting titans, years of Erwin’s guidance and greatness would’ve made this base, common criminality something he couldn’t swallow. But no. It was still in him. The thug. The monster.

He hadn’t changed at all. He’d fooled Erwin, Hange, Petra, all of them. He was still a criminal.

He flashed on an image of Petra underneath him, cheeks rosy as she climaxed. She’d thought she was fucking a hero. Really, he’d made her a gangster’s whore.

_Hate yourself later, you piece of shit._

Right. There was a job to do.

His days of thievery returned as he eased up a second floor window and slipped inside. No one in the room, some kind of haphazard dorm with mattresses strewn all over the floor. Plates with caked on food were stacked in a pile. Levi’s lip curled. Disgusting.

He listened intently. The heavy sound of boots, but all of them came from downstairs. He moved out of the door, checked the hallway on either side. No one. All the commotion was beneath him, as more men and a few women poured out the front door. He frowned. Fuck, this was a weird strategy. Usually, at least a few’d stay in and guard the place. Moving swiftly down the hall, opening doors while prepared to tangle with whoever came out, Levi found the house just about deserted.

They wouldn’t all leave, unless…

They took the money with them. But…why the fuck would they do that? Why grab the cash and take off, leaving a secure location they could defend? Did they _know_ it was Levi they were dealing with? That prick he’d killed first had screamed ‘he’s here’, indicating yes. Indicating they’d been waiting for him. But while Levi was a badass, he wasn’t ‘run away from your own territory while armed to the teeth’ level badass, especially if he was expected. No one was that terrifying.

Well, maybe no one except Kenny. Levi shook that idea away and kept moving. No. Not even Kenny.

When Levi opened the last door on the second level, about five girls looked up at him and screamed. They were clustered together on a sagging mattress in the room’s center, all dressed in sheer, impractical outfits of spangled black. One of them, a kid who couldn’t have been older than sixteen, started sobbing and threw her face into a friend’s lap. Their cheeks were rouged, lips painted, eyes bleary in some kind of narcotic haze.

The house’s girls, bought and sold for pleasure.

_Petra._

But a quick look around told him she wasn’t there. _Fuck_. Why could nothing go right?

“New girl?” He fixed his eyes on the only one who hadn’t screamed. She had a shock of black hair, and looked like she’d seen worse than this.

“Redhead?” When he nodded, she sniffed. “Brought her to the boss hours ago. I don’t know what happened.”

Brought her to the boss. Levi did not want to imagine what the leader of the Red Hand had had hours to do to Petra.

Everyone would die tonight. He thought it as naturally as breathing, and was too quietly furious to be concerned about that.

“Run. All of you,” he croaked.

“Where’d we run to, mister?” The girl’s eyes were as dead as a doll’s.

Levi tried not to think of his mother, turned, and leapt over the railing. He shot his hooks perfectly, latching onto the wall next to the front door. He landed against it, planting his boots so that he was parallel with the floor, his gun held in front of him as three armed men came out from somewhere in the back of the place.

Nice trap. Shame it hadn’t worked.

Levi shot the three dead before they could fire. He waited, his breathing even, but no one else entered the room. It was set up to be some kind of crude gambling hall, with shitty card tables and flickering gas lighting. Red and blue chips had been left scattered across the floor. A winning hand lay face-up on a green felt table beside him. Levi unlatched himself, put his feet on the ground. He crouched and pressed his back against the wall, trying to strategize. The fact they’d laid a trap for him meant they weren’t running from his oh so fearsome fucking presence. They had a plan. He didn’t want to trigger it before he knew what it was.

He did not have to wait long.

“No. No!” A woman screamed those words outside, not too far from the front door.

Not just any woman. Petra. She was screaming.

Levi stood, his back sliding up the wall. He checked how many bullets he had left. Not enough. Fuck. This was the thing he hated about guns. He was trying to figure how long it would take to grab the weapons off the dead men, when he heard another voice.

“Oi! Levi. C’mon out.”

He spent thirty seconds convincing himself he had not heard right. It was the stress, exacerbated by Petra’s screams. There was no way. Just no way.

“Tch. You li’l piece of shit. Get out here or I’ll kill ‘er.” Petra screamed again, and it sounded like she was in pain. “That’s a pretty sound, ain’t it? I’ve had ‘er screamin’ _all_ night.” Then that rasping, rickety laugh.

“Levi, don’t! Don’t come out!” Petra wailed.

It was happening. Somehow, it was real.

“No,” Levi said calmly, as if saying it would change the situation. “No, it’s not you.”

His fingertips buzzed. His skin was cold.

“Levi, ya got til the counta fuckin’ _three_.”

Which meant he’d kill her at two. That had always been Kenny’s way.

Whatever they wanted with him, it probably wasn’t to just gun him down when he stepped through the door. Now that he knew Kenny was with the Red Hand— _was_ the Red Hand—it all slid into place. The case filled with notes had been such a fucking macabre touch that only Kenny could’ve masterminded it.

From the moment he’d entered Mitras, he’d been Kenny’s plaything. This whole thing had the stink of destiny. You couldn’t fight fate. Hadn’t Petra said that, when she’d read his palm? Fate had big plans in store for him.

As Levi went to the door, the felt the most insane clash of emotions. Hatred boiled his vision, and also…was he giddy? Like a fucking child? He yearned to see the old bastard’s face.

_Kenny, forcing Levi to sit in the corner and watch as he and his friends ate a magnificent supper of capon and potatoes. Levi got only the bones, tossed so he could gnaw at them. He’d been caught giving Kenny the stink-eye that morning. He’d spent the whole day tied to the stove, left there until he could work himself free. No meals til then, either. Well, except the bones. Kenny’s friends drank too much, and started slapping Levi after the meal, walking by and whacking him in passing. When Levi bit one of them, Kenny only laughed._

_Kenny, sitting at Levi’s bedside and telling him stories of the men who tamed titans out beyond the walls. Kenny was actually a good storyteller once you got a few drinks in him. Levi sitting cross-legged on his bed, mouth open wide at the idea of such heroic feats. “I wanna tame titans!” he cried. Kenny chuckled, ruffled his hair. “Eh,” he said, “you can when yer older.”_

Levi stepped out onto the porch, and glanced quickly around. He assessed the situation fast, and accurately.

Basically, he was fucked.

None of them were on the ground. Most had taken to perching on stalactites, gazing down at him with weapons pointed. But they didn’t fire.

They wanted something from him. Then he’d die.

Levi counted them up, about twenty all told. He stepped off the porch. The lamps were not lit so terribly well around here, so there were morphing shadows in place of where faces should’ve been. But he knew two faces very well.

Kenny dangled above Levi. His gear was hooked to a stalactite, but he hadn’t reeled himself in like the others. He was twirling half back and forth, his balance absolutely perfect. He stuck his legs out, both to keep the equilibrium and also because it probably made the experience more fun. Fun had always been Kenny’s prime motivation, that and cash. Really, the old fucker was remarkable. Most would’ve fallen headfirst out of their gear by now, but Kenny would never be like most.

Kenny.

And in his arms, Petra.

Levi saw her bare feet flash white as she kicked to get away. She was dressed like the other girls, an outfit so skimpy it was a miracle she didn’t fall out of it.

Kenny’s hands were on her, cradling her as she dangled above the thirty foot fall. From the pained expression on her face and the weird angle of her arms, Levi knew someone had bound her hands behind her back.

Kenny’d had her screaming all night.

Levi’s vision shook for a moment. Looking up into Kenny’s leering face again—still unmistakably the same, if older and more lined—filled him with an anger so hot he swore it’d burn a hole through his gut. Somewhere inside of him was a scream, a primal yell consisting of one single word: Kenny. Levi could feel that word building up in his throat, blocking his air. He yearned to let it out, scream the old bastard’s name and go on the attack. But…

But how many years had he spent down here, begrudgingly yearning to see the man again? To kill him, or perhaps to hear praise from him one last time? Maybe both. Levi felt like a whipped dog that snarled at everyone but whose ears pricked up when he heard the master’s key in the lock. Not even Erwin could inspire that animal response.

And Petra was in his arms. Levi still could not reconcile the two of them. Kenny and Petra. Kenny touching Petra, dangling her over Levi’s head like a treat held out to that same whimpering dog.

It was an insult to both of them. A mockery of their love.

Levi’s hate cooled. It crystallized inside of him.

Much, much better.

“Why?” Levi grunted, never taking his eyes from Petra’s horrified face.

“I’m so sorry. Levi. Captain. I’m sorry!” Petra shouted. Honestly, right now he didn’t want to hear her. The only person who could help him at all by talking was Kenny.

“Glad to see ya got my message. ‘Bout the gold and such. Tch, gotta tell ya, nabbing this fine little piece of ass was just the cream on the cake.” He folded Petra up into his arms, so that she faced him. While she screamed and cursed him out, he squeezed her against him, buried his face in her breasts. “Mmm. She feels good. We’ll have to compare experiences, eh Levi?”

Experiences.

A film of red descended over Levi’s eyes. Any fears he’d harbored as he stepped out the door melted away.

No hesitation. Now, there was only murder in his heart.

Above him, Kenny jerked as Petra spat in his face. Levi’s gut moved with animal pride. For a horrifying second, Levi thought Kenny’d drop her, but he only tucked her under his arm like some kind of parcel. Levi bared his teeth.

“What do you want with us?” Levi barked.

“Been too long since we seen each other, Levi. Let’s play a game, fer old time’s sake.” Kenny nodded to his left. Levi’s eyes darted over to a man hanging from the ceiling, holding a briefcase. Levi’s breath stopped as the man balanced the case, unclasping and opening it. He tossed something in a shining arc that landed at Levi’s feet.

A gold coin. Numbly, Levi picked it up.

“That one’s on the house,” Kenny called. “So you know it’s real. Fritz over there’s got the money we stole from ya. Me? I got the girl.” He swore a little as Petra tried to bite him. Levi flinched, afraid Kenny’d retaliate and relieved when he didn’t. _Don’t worry, sweetheart. Petra. I’m almost there._

Levi was going to kill her for insubordination, but not before he’d saved her life.

But he knew where this was going, stomach sinking as Kenny continued.

“Fritz and me’re partin’ ways now. Knowing you, Levi, you’ll catch up to one of us with no problem. But ya can’t catch both. Not even you can do that.”

“This a test?” Levi snarled.

“Somethin’ like that. Which’ll ya choose? The gold, or the girl?”

Erwin, or Petra? Levi’s entire body froze.

“Trust me on one thing. Whichever you don’t chase? It’ll be lost to ya forever.”

And interspersed with Levi’s overwhelming hatred, a warped kind of fondness sprouted. It took root in his soul, and flourished. Only Kenny would turn life or death stakes into a carnival game. Levi would never meet anyone like this man again.

Which was fine. One was more than fucking enough.

“Kenny. Don’t.”

The old man laughed, Petra shrieking as they spun left to right.

“Ya think _that’s_ all it takes to change my mind? Tch, yer dumber ‘n shit. Humanity’s Strongest? Fuckin’ hell.” Kenny activated his gear, shooting up to the cavernous ceiling and taking Petra with him. He cradled her in his arms, and Petra looked down in a panic.

“Levi, go after the money! I’ll get away! Just don’t follow—”

“Ya see, Levi? She wants me all to herself!” With a cackle, Kenny took off. He headed north, flying through the air with ease. When the _fuck_ had Kenny become an ODM master? Levi didn’t have time or space in his skull for that thought. After all, that’d always been Kenny’s way. Take up with some new hobby and become a genius at it in a few short weeks. If the man’d had any real discipline, any drive for something greater, he could’ve been renowned throughout the Walls.

Fritz and the money shot off to the east. Several of the men went with Kenny, several with Fritz…and several stayed behind, their guns leveled at Levi.

Right. Kenny wouldn’t want to make this too easy for him.

Levi exploded into action, gripping the handles of his gear and jettisoning himself up to the roof, to the nearest pocket of the cave. He’d lead these fuckers on a merry chase, kill them, and then…

Erwin, or Petra?

As Levi killed, he felt his mind breaking into pieces. That fierce headache split him down the center. Why couldn’t he be two men?

_I expect you to come with me_ , Erwin said the day Levi lost Isabel and Furlan. From then on, Levi had followed in the man’s shadow. That had brought him his only real peace, his only true reason for living.

_I love you._ Petra in his arms, her soft kisses on his lips and neck. That was happiness, actual happiness. He’d never really known it before.

How the fuck did you choose between peace and joy? Could you even have one without the other?

_No. No. Don’t make me. Please._

When his blade had ripped through the final body, Levi screamed in agony as he directed his ODM gear…and went east.

***

“Well, fuck me.” Kenny clucked his tongue, keeping Petra’s cheek pressed against his collar. Her nose wrinkled; the tobacco had soured on him. “I don’t think yer boyfriend’s comin’.”

“Good,” she whispered. Petra would find a way to handle this herself, even if she’d done a piss poor job so far. She was learning, at least.

Kenny had landed them atop a flat roof, somewhere in the center of the underground city. He let her take a step away, though she knew she’d never be able to do something like leap off the roof. He’d be on her before then. Petra was stubborn, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that this man was too quick for her.

_Like father, like son._

No. She buried that idea deep.

“Eh, not to worry. We’ll get what we need either way.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Never you mind. But one thing we know for sure now’s ol’ Levi puts more stock in his mission than he does in you.” Kenny’s gleaming eyes traced her body. Petra did not cower or wilt. “That leaves plenty leftover for me.”

“I think you’re jealous of him.” She meant it as a taunt, but was surprised how much she believed it. Kenny only frowned at her.

“Why’d I be jealous of a runt like that, eh?”

Well, she might as well go on.

“He’s young. He’s celebrated. He’s famous. He has love.” Kenny actually rolled his eyes at that; love didn’t appear to mean much to him. Petra sneered. “And he fucks. Much better than you, I’m sure.”

“ _Now_ yer onto somethin’, ginger.” Kenny bristled—clearly she’d hit a nerve—and stepped closer to her. “Y’know, by not comin’ he’s basically gifted you to me.”

“You can’t ‘gift’ people.”

“Yer ignorance is pretty fuckin’ astounding. But don’t worry. We’ll have loads of time for me to show you what’s what,” he hissed. Petra waited for his approach. Just a little farther…

“Kenny.” Petra jerked as a woman landed behind her, the hiss of her ODM and click of her hooks punctuating the name. “The rear squad wants to know if we can expect action.”

Rear squad? Why did these people talk like this? For common thugs, it was strange. And there was something about that woman’s voice…

“Tch, fer fuck’s sake. Make a decision on yer own, woman.” Kenny frowned, and Petra turned to confront the speaker. A tall, blonde woman with icy blue eyes and a composed mouth regarded her with mild surprise. Petra’s mouth fell open.

“Traute?” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”

The woman did not react in the slightest.

“Should we plan to evacuate our unit to the private location?” She spoke as if she were taking detailed notes at a meeting.

“Not yet, not yet. Gotta wait ‘n see if he’ll change his mind. Though I doubt it. That runt’s disciplined; probably rather shit broken glass than disappoint his Commander.” Kenny poked Petra in the back. “This one’s just his fluff.”

Petra ignored the old bastard and stared at Traute.

“You’re not with the MPs? How…how did you get Levi’s letter, then?”

Traute did not look at her, and did not speak to her.

“Then I’ll be on my way, Ca—Kenny. I’ll leave Roche with you.” She nodded at a grizzled looking man who’d just landed on the rooftop. Traute turned, fired her hooks, and took off through the air. Petra wheeled about on Kenny.

“I’m guessing she never delivered Levi’s letter to the Commander.”

“Aw, smart little bitch, ain’tcha?” Kenny tipped his hat to scratch his forehead, and drew nearer to her. Petra backed away towards the roof’s edge, trying to assemble her thoughts.

“If I’d gone with her on the road, she’d have brought me back here. For this. Wouldn’t she?”

“Gettin’ warmer.” Kenny’s eyes gleamed; he liked it when she was frightened.

“Who _are_ you people? This isn’t just about the money. What game are you playing?”

“Sorry, but I’m tired of hearing yah talk, kid. I can think of better uses for that mouth.”

Petra shook her head; strangely, she was less afraid now that she was beginning to understand how deep this all went. “If you wanted to do something like that, you’d have done it already. And I’m not afraid anymore.”

She stopped, bowed her head. Kenny halted before her, the tips of his boots nearly touching her bare toes.

“’Cause Levi’s here? Tch.” He rested a hand on her shoulder. “He abandoned ya, ginger.”

“I told him I could do this on my own.” She ignored the part of her that wished Levi would’ve disregarded her wishes and come to the rescue. It was better this way—better he protect the Corps ahead of her. But the tears that filled her eyes were not faked. She sniffed, wiped her cheeks.

“Oi! Oi, what’s this?” Kenny’s gravelly voice took on a soothing tenderness that was almost more frightening than anything else he’d done thus far. He lifted her chin, and looked at her. His eyes narrowed. “Guess you ain’t that tough after all, huh?”

“I’m just tired,” Petra whispered. He drew close against her—he was so tall, she had to crane her neck.

“When yer sweet like this,” he said, cupping her chin, “I can see why he went nuts for you.”

“And when you’re gentle like this,” Petra murmured, tenderly clasping the wrist that held her, “I can see why you’ll lose.”

He was tall, but his crotch was at the perfect level for her knee. Petra rammed him in the balls. The old man’s eyes widened with the shock and pain, and he inadvertently tipped forward. Perfect. Petra used his momentum to throw him over her shoulder and down two or three stories to the ground below. The fall wouldn’t kill him, but hopefully it’d break something. She couldn’t check to see where he landed, because she’d attracted attention.

“Hey! Hey!” The other man on the roof—Roche, or something—cried out as he ran to her. Petra gritted her teeth as she charged, dodging quickly as the thug pulled a gun. He hadn’t anticipated her moving this fast, or with such accuracy. She rammed him from the side, picked up the gun he’d dropped and pointed it at him. This time, she checked that the safety was off.

“Give me your ODM or I’ll shoot you.” He didn’t seem to believe her, so she fired off a round that exploded the rooftop a few inches from his hand. Amazing how gunshots could go off and nobody would say or do anything; didn’t the Military Police ever come here? The man jerked away, and Petra cocked the hammer. “Do it now!”

Someone grabbed her from behind, yanked her hair so violently her eyes watered. Petra screamed, firing the gun into the air. Steely hands gripped her wrists and squeezed so hard she dropped the weapon. Petra winced as her head was forced back at a painful angle, and she looked up into the blue of Kenny’s eyes. His smirk this time was nowhere to be found. He looked murderous.

Petra was going to die. She swallowed, tried to find the words to get him to spare her. Nothing came.

“That was smart, you little cunt.” Kenny dragged her to the rooftop, put his hands around her neck and dangled her over the edge. Twenty or so feet was a long way to fall. Petra gasped, choking as he squeezed. Her legs kicked, her hands gripped his wrists. Nothing. She couldn’t budge him. The world started to blur at the edges, and this time she knew from the way it felt that he was looking to kill her, not incapacitate her. “If I didn’t have a steady hand and good equipment, yah’d have put me outta action. As it stands, I’m tryin’ to figure whether I wanna fuck you enough not to kill you.”

Petra looked at the dark, cavernous ceiling above. No one would come even if she screamed. She was going to die far from the sunlight and the clean air.

It was her fault, too. At least Levi would accomplish his mission. He’d forgive her in time for this.

She was glad he’d be safe.

The darkness gathered around her when she heard Roche yell.

“Boss! _Boss!_ ”

She felt Kenny’s grip slacken for some reason, and gave it her best shot. She kicked out, missing his crotch this time but getting him high in the hip. With a pained grunt, Kenny let go and Petra fell through space.

When she landed, all her breath left her and her eyes stung as she bruised her tailbone, but nothing broke. Struggling to breathe, Petra rolled onto her side; she’d been saved by a pile of garbage leaned against the side of the wall, mostly cans and bundles of stained clothes. Apparently, from the spring of it, a mattress was buried somewhere under here. Finally, luck was on her side. Petra managed to crawl onto her hands and knees, coughing bitterly as she tried to inhale. As she crawled, she stopped and sat up on her knees for one second. Pushing her hair back, she looked up—and screamed.

A body fell to the earth. Only by rolling away did Petra avoid being hit. She got to her feet as she looked at him. Roche, with his throat slit. His glassy eyes appeared to look at her, even though she knew he couldn’t see anymore.

If Roche was dead…

Petra looked up, and saw a small, athletic figure spinning through the air overhead. A taller, leaner man followed, and they took off to the west, each appearing to chase the other.

Feelings of joy and horror merged into something indefinable.

Levi.

He’d come.

***

She would be safe until he got back, though Levi would’ve loved nothing better than to yell at Petra to stay hidden. He could not even focus on her right now; all his energy was devoted to the man in front of him.

Something was fucking wrong here, wrong beyond the surface level.

After Levi had killed those men, he’d noticed one or two of them hanging out on the ceiling above. When he’d gone after the one tailing Fritz, he’d noticed that the guy actively avoided confrontation. Fair enough, one on one with Levi wasn’t a great prospect for most people.

It was that the others were all doing it, too. That’s what made it strange.

When Levi spun or dodged through the air, when he braced himself against a stalactite and jettisoned himself towards an enemy, when he swung around columns or somersaulted, they kept well away. He knew damn well that if they all swarmed on him at the same time, there was a chance they’d take him. Not a great one, but a chance.

But they did not come for him. It felt like…like they were watching him. Interested. Analytical.

After all the fucking trouble Kenny’d taken to get him down here, Levi discovered that no one seemed all that interested in fighting him.

His head throbbed as he chased Kenny across the rooftops now. Levi’s hands were empty. He’d had Fritz and the briefcase in his sights when a couple of idiots finally cut in front of him, and had to be sliced. As Levi watched their bodies fall to earth, he’d looked up to find Fritz gone. His teeth clenched, all he could think of was Erwin, how saddened he’d be to find that necessary gold gone.

Levi just had to keep going. He’d make it.

And Petra would be Kenny’s little pet for as long as it pleased him.

_I’ll find Kenny_ , he thought. The man could not stay hidden forever, not down here.

Yes, but that did not mean that Levi would find Petra. If Kenny said he’d never see her again, it was not an idle threat. Levi’s muscles twitched to recall Kenny burying his face against Petra. How good she felt. They should compare experiences.

It was disgusting, an animal practice. Levi considered men who forced themselves onto women to be lower than fucking livestock. Had Kenny…

Petra was good—Levi had trained her, after all—but Levi wasn’t even sure if _he_ was a match for Kenny. Petra would never escape. She would be at his mercy, entirely.

Levi had stopped, and stared at Kenny’s men all congregated around him, waiting for his next move. Waiting to fucking play. With a shouted curse, Levi had turned around and soared off into the darkness, praying to goddesses he didn't care about that he’d be a fucking Wallist if they’d only let it not be too late for Petra.

But now he knew she was alive, and on the ground.

“Oi, Levi. Ya runt. Must be around the same size as yer girl, eh?” Kenny whirled around suddenly in midair, two pistols aimed square at Levi’s chest. He hadn’t seen the man draw. “Imagine it’s weird bein’ on top of her.”

Levi spiraled to the left as the shots passed over his head. He landed on a rooftop, and raced up the slope. He ducked behind a chimney, then slid down the tiles as he heard Kenny land above. Always adopt the high ground, that’d been something Kenny taught him. Kenny had that now.

“Stupid bastard,” the man grunted. Levi waited until he kicked off the roof, until he felt the hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end. He knew the gun was about to go off…

Levi whirled around, and shot his hooks. Kenny moved too fast for it to get him in the chest, but one snagged him in the leg. The old man cursed as Levi fell to another, lower roof, reeling in the hook as he did so. Levi gripped his dagger. Just get the old man in here and the killing blow would be delivered.

His eye twitched.

_“Kenny!” Levi chasing Kenny’s coattails. They were walking home after spending a few hours at the pub. He couldn’t have been older than six or seven. “C’mon! Please?”_

_“Oi, yah little pissant. Here.” Kenny collected Levi, perched the boy on his shoulders. As they walked, Levi made ‘boom, boom’ noises with his mouth. Pretending to be a titan. Kenny gave his knee a pat. “Anyone sees me doin’ this, I’ll drop yah.”_

_“Okay!” Levi patted the top of Kenny’s head in return._

He couldn’t.

“Fuck!” Levi shouted, leaping out of the way as Kenny nearly barreled into him and skidded across the roof. Levi’s hook detached, and he knew that a wounded but stable Kenny was a worse nightmare than anything on this earth. Hissing, Levi rolled behind a chimney, waiting with his knife in hand. One chance. He’d had one chance to end all this. He told himself it was because Kenny knew where the gold would be, that he was more valuable dead than alive. He told himself until he almost believed it.

Footsteps. The smell of tobacco reached his nose. Levi began to formulate a plan, waiting until the moment arrived to spring it.

“Gotta say, Levi. I’m impressed. Glad yah remembered what I taught you.” Kenny knew where he was hiding, but continued to make half circles back and forth. Biding his time.

“Why are you doing this? Just for fun?”

“Fun’s always important, but naw. Got my own reasons. Good ones. Things little shitheads like you don’t need to know.” He tsked. “Really didn’t grow, did ya?”

“If you wanted the gold or me, fine. But why Petra?”

“Leverage, plain ‘n simple. When I saw yah both snuggled in that bed, I knew. Ha, I also remember what you said to her. ‘You make me happy.’” Kenny pitched his voice into a whining falsetto, which Levi did not appreciate. His voice, despite his size, was deep enough. “Tch. What kinda romantic sap gives a line that shitty?”

“So. You came into the room, eh?” Levi raised the knife to his chest, prepared. “Why didn’t you just kill me there? Or Petra?”

“How’m I supposed to have fun if yer dead? You moron! That was always yer big problem, Levi. Yah never had any fun. Well, probably on account of yer shitty personality.”

The old verbal blows were as comforting as whispered words of kindness. They were his childhood. Levi, perversely, felt right at home.

“So if you won’t tell me what this is all about, at least tell me where Fritz is taking the gold.”

“Leverage, Levi. Yah ain’t got any. I trained you better ‘n that.”

Leverage. Petra was leverage indeed, but she was out of his reach now. That knowledge calmed him down, centered him. Until Kenny spoke again.

“Gotta say, I think the girl’s too wild for yah. The things she did to me’d make any whore blush.” Kenny chortled, the scrape of his boots a persistent sound.

“You didn’t touch her.” Levi’s voice was dead. He needed it to be true as much as he believed it. Kenny was fucking with him. That was all.

“Her naked body’s a damn work of art. That little mole under the left breast, near her ribcage? I find she goes a little wild when yah lick her on that spot. You noticed that, Levi?”

His vision went dark. He’d gotten to know that mole very well.

“Or that scar on her inner thigh? Bet she got that during an ODM accident in training. I know a couple guys got scars in the same place from the same kinda malfunction. I woulda asked her about it, but I was a little too busy eatin’ out her—”

It was exactly what Kenny wanted, and Levi gave it to him. Gladly.

He gritted his teeth, giving only the vaguest noise as he turned the chimney’s corner and lunged at Kenny. His hooks released, and he ducked as Kenny aimed a blow at his head. Levi then rappelled up to the top of the chimney while Kenny aimed for him with a gun. Every beat of his heart felt like madness. Kenny had touched Petra. He’d hurt her. It couldn’t go unanswered.

But now Kenny had Levi in his sights.

“Too easy,” the old man grunted.

But Levi had had time to plan while Kenny had babbled on about Petra and her body. He drew a gun from the waistband of his pants at the back, a trophy stolen off one of the thugs he’d killed. Levi fired first, and Kenny only just managed to get out of the way as Levi leapt down to the ground and went in hot pursuit. Cursing, Kenny jumped onto the roof’s edge, and drew on Levi as Levi drew on him. They stood there, waiting for someone to make a mistake.

“Levi.” Kenny gave a lopsided smile. “I’m so glad yah came home.”

“Fuck you.” Levi cocked the hammer.

“Yah always hated guns. Go on. Use yer knife, and I’ll use mine.”

“Fuck. You. If I holster the gun, you’ll shoot me dead.”

“Eh. Maybe. But maybe not.” Something moved in Kenny’s eyes, like a candle being ignited. “Petra’s still probably sore, but when we’re done here I’ll ride her one last time for yah. How’s that sound?”

It was designed to provoke him, and he’d already let that tactic work once. Levi’s nostrils flared, but he held his ground. Kenny clucked his tongue.

“Good. Good. Well, on that note, I’m afraid I gotta—”

The whirr of ODM cables sounded in the darkness, and before Kenny could turn to see what the hell was going on, Petra emerged into the air above them. The harness looked insane over her skimpy clothing, but her eyes were filled with the most hateful fire Levi had ever seen. With a cry, she swung out her leg and kicked Kenny square in the head, causing the old man to stagger.

The _fuck_?

“Petra!” Levi shouted, lowering the gun. In terrible slow motion, he watched Kenny reach out and grab the girl by her bare ankle, swing her around. Levi shouted as Kenny tossed Petra over the side of the building, and she fell out of sight.

“Little bitch keeps gettin’ tossed offa buildings, and still—”

Kenny didn’t finish his thought. Levi charged, and passed by while slashing deeply into the man’s side with his knife. He felt the hot spatter of blood on his arm and cheek. Kenny yowled in horrified amazement.

“You ever touch her again,” Levi rasped, turning and preparing another lunge. He did not get to finish his threat. Hand against his side to staunch the bleeding, Kenny proceeded to shoot himself up to the chimney, and from there to latch onto another building and sail away.

“ _Kenny!_ ” Levi bellowed the man’s name, and was ready to go after him when…

The cry coming from the ground below stopped him. Gazing over the rooftop, Levi saw Petra sprawled below. He knew he saw blood.

He could not leave her barefoot and bleeding in this part of town. Not if he was in any way sane.

Cursing, he let Kenny escape and sailed down to meet her.

“What is it? What happened?” He was at her side instantly. She looked at him with tears in her eyes that she seemed desperate not to shed. She chewed on her lip, frowned.

“I’m okay. One of my hooks got tangled, and slashed me.” She showed him the cut running down her left calf. Blood trickled in shining rivulets. It’d leave a scar.

_Another scar like the one on her inner thigh._

Kenny had seen all of her. Levi blocked that from his mind.

“Look at me.” She did, and he grabbed her shoulders. Those shimmering amber eyes, that sweet little mouth, those cheeks, that chin, all accounted for. She was alive, and he was with her again. He drew her face near to his, and looked her straight in the eyes.

“Levi,” she whispered, then gasped when he shook her.

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” He didn’t shout. His fury went beyond volume. He spoke tight, his voice so small that Petra trembled. “You little shit. I gave you one order. One fucking order, and you do this to me. The money is gone. It is fucking _gone_. Our one mission is a fucking failure, and it’s _your fucking fault_.”

Petra wrenched herself out of his grasp, and bared her teeth in return. She had never looked at him like this before, like he was an opponent to defeat.

“Don’t you touch me like that! I am _sick_ of men grabbing me!” Her voice rose; when she was angry, she got bigger, while Levi got smaller.

“You disobeyed a direct order…”

“And I am _sorry_ , all right? I’m sorry I made things worse. I’m sorry I lost the Commander’s money.”

Erwin’s money. Again, Levi felt that crippling agony spear along the center of his brain. He had really and truly failed now. They would never, ever get that money back.

_My fault. I chose you, Petra._

And he prayed he did not come to regret that choice.

“What are you thinking? Levi?” she whispered.

“I’m thinking it was my mistake to let Erwin leave you with me. I should’ve handled this alone. You’re a liability,” he said.

“All right.”

“Does that make you angry?”

“No.”

“You look like you’re going to cry.”

“ _No_. I’m not.” And she wasn’t. Her eyes had become hard, as hard as any he’d ever seen down here. His heart sank to see it. Even _her_ eyes could change, given five minutes in this hell. The girl he’d pictured sitting by the window looking out into the snow began to vanish from his mind. Replaced by this girl. She…

She was Petra, for fuck’s sake. His Petra. And after everything that’d been done to her, he was adding cruelty on top of cruelty. He was a shit.

“I’m sorry they took the money. I really am.” She spoke quietly, stared at her hands. “The Survey Corps is more valuable than I am. I know it was a mistake.”

“It wasn’t a mistake.” He meant it, grabbed her arms. When she shook him off, he gently took her hands. “How the fuck am I supposed to be all right when you’re in danger? It’d destroy me if something happened to you. I’d be fucking useless to Erwin. And you’re one of the best we have; we need you.” He paused, cupped her face. “I need you. Brat.”

It’d sounded like a good line in his head, which made it worse when she started to cry. Fuck. He thought he’d been smooth.

“This’ll always be hanging over us, won’t it?” She wiped her cheeks. Levi wished he had a handkerchief. “I made you break your promise to the Commander.”

Again, that knife through his heart. Levi winced, and pulled her close against him. There’d be time to get angry about that, but it was not now.

Now, she was alive and in his arms. Levi smelled the fading sunlight in her hair. Levi was a smart guy, but he was a simple man. The gold had meant hundreds of lives would be safer in the abstract; Petra had been one single life whose immediate safety was in his hands. A strategist would’ve told him to get the gold. But he was only a soldier, and he was in love. Put that way, the choice hadn’t been hard.

“Erwin’s a canny bastard. He can always find a new way. He’ll gamble, like he always does. And who knows? Now that Kenny’s in play, maybe something new’ll spring up. It usually does with him.” He pressed his cheek to hers. “How badly did he hurt you?”

Petra trembled in his arms, but her voice remained firm.

“He scared me more than anything. He humiliated me. But he didn’t…touch me.”

He buried his face in her shoulder, his heart hammering. She wrapped her arms around him.

“I was so afraid I’d die without seeing you,” she gasped. He stroked her hair.

“We’re going to be all right. Yeah?” He pulled away, looked into her beautiful eyes, wiped her tears. “Trust me?”

“Yes. I know I can’t ask you the same.”

“I do trust you. I mean, I will again. In time. Eventually.” She smiled a little at that, and he leaned forward and kissed her lips. She sighed against his mouth, and returned the kiss two, three times. Even in this hell, with the worst headache of his life, she eased some of his pain. When they broke apart, he stroked her cheek. Tried to be tender. Maybe he was getting better at it. “I’m going to get the gold. First, we need to clean you up and get you safe with the MPs, then—”

“You’re not going to send me away again!” she cried. Fucking hell.

“Petra, listen to m—”

His order died on his lips when he heard the bells start to toll. Levi released his girl, sat back on his knees. He blinked, mind spinning. There were a few towers stationed around the city, with bells used for sending specific messages to the citizens on the whole. Levi recalled what those particular bells were used for.

They pealed throughout the underground, echoing off the cavernous walls and ceilings. Levi swallowed, his throat dry.

“Oh, fuck me. Oh, fuck,” he mumbled.

“What?” Petra touched his arm. “Levi?”

“I’ll explain. I will explain.” He glanced around at the darkened alleyways and shuttered windows. “Not here, though. I know a place. Come on.” He lifted her into his arms and stood. Her body was light and sweet in his arms. Her wounded leg dripped blood onto the earth. “You need that cleaned, and food, and rest. Then we’ll talk.”

Petra looped her arms around his neck and was quiet as he carried her off into the darkness. As he turned the labyrinthine corners, heading for a particular place, he counted his gains and losses. Both were major.

He had Petra back, alive and mostly well. That trumped almost everything.

Except Erwin’s gold. He had to get it back, and make Kenny pay for all of this shit.

But the biggest blow of all was what the bells meant.

Petra and he were not going anywhere.

They were trapped in this hell.


	12. Chapter 12

Well. At least they’d gotten the best room in the whorehouse.

Levi would’ve laid Petra out on the bed right away, but he couldn’t help the need to check. He stripped off the gaudy red velvet comforter and inspected the satin sheets—red, of course. Places like this could have discreet stains in places, and his stomach lurched to think of her touching anything so unsavory. But the sheets were clean, and Petra stumbled against the wall, resting her hand on the peeling red wallpaper. Gas lamps had been lit all around, the flames housed in red cylinders of glass.

Arnold, the proprietor, probably thought this transformed the place into a sensual paradise. To Levi, it looked like some tomato’s feverish wet dream.

“I need to sit,” Petra whispered. Her knees were shaking.

“It’s the shock kicking in. Here.” He ushered her over to the bed and had her sit down while he knelt before her and inspected her wound. The blood had started to dry, but the bleeding was still going. “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to stitch it here. Need to get you a doctor.”

“Mmm.” She rested her hand on his shoulder, and Levi pressed an unthinking kiss to her palm. She stroked his cheek, and he closed his eyes. Fuck, he was still angry with her, but this was heaven. The rush of adrenaline began to abate. Pretty soon, he might be shaking as much as her.

“We’ll clean it. Feed you. Then sleep.” He gave a heavy sigh as he gazed out the window and into the never-ending night of the underground. “We’ve got time. We’re going nowhere for a while.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned. “Because of the bells?”

A knock at the door interrupted his answer. Instinctively, Levi wheeled around and slipped a knife behind his back. He opened on some knock-kneed teenage boy, skin pocked with marks and cheeks perpetually pink. Probably didn’t know what to do about all the half-naked girls on display downstairs. The kid held a tray laden with a plate, a bottle of wine, glasses, and best of all a basin of hot water and a roll of bandages.

“Come in.” Levi jerked his head. “Put it on the table.”

The kid laid the tray down with extravagant care, Levi watching by the doorway. When the kid went to leave, Levi kicked the door shut, grabbed him by the collar, and flung him against the wall. The kid visibly swallowed, and behind him Petra made a soft noise of protest.

“No one knows we’re here?”

“N-No, sir. Arnold’s orders. He, uh, he says you were g-good friends back in the day.”

Bullshit. Arnold and he had worked well together. But in the underground, that was often as close to friendship as you could get.

“Anyone gets tipped off about us, I’m coming for you. Understand? You specifically.” Levi held up the knife to the kid’s throat.

The kid about pissed himself. “Y-Yes, sir.”

“If we need anything else, we’ll call…” His look prompted the kid to supply a name.

“Thomas.”

“Get the fuck out of here, Thomas.” The kid nearly pulled the door off its hinges in his haste to get away.

“Why did you do that?” Petra sounded horrified. Levi sheathed his knife and checked every corner of the room, the closet, and the window outside. No one. Still looking away, he answered her.

“He needs to fear us more than he wants a reward. Kenny and the Red Hand might have it out for us. Fuck if I know.” His temples throbbed again. The whole thing tonight—the chase, the way the thugs stayed out of his way and observed him—it all felt completely wrong. “Right now, we have to think of Arnold as someone who sort of likes me, but is more scared of me than he is of anyone else. We’re in a corner right now. I lost my best support at one of the bigger gangs tonight.” He was not about to discuss Sofia with Petra. “If what I heard is true, most of the lower level gangs’ll side with Kenny. He ruled the fucking underground back in the day when he wanted to; came and went a lot.” He was musing almost to himself now. Finally, he looked at her. “We’re out of allies. What I have to do now is decide who I need to approach, and how to play it. No one’ll help for nothing, but I can’t promise them anything they’d actually want.” The money and his girl, specifically. Not for sale. “We need to keep one eye open while we’re here, anyway. These people’d turn in their own mothers for a little extra cash.”

He noticed then that Petra’s eyes were downcast. Her brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong? Petra?”

“I…I didn’t realize until just now what growing up down here must’ve done to you.” She looked up, and he saw the most bewildering, bewitching sympathy on her face. “Always with your back to the wall. Never trusting anyone. I don’t think I really understood you until now. Sir.”

“Fuck, Petra. I told you. It’s Levi from now on,” he grumbled, though he felt something give in his chest. Understanding. He’d gotten it from Erwin, maybe a bit from Hange…but he’d been afraid to dream of it from her. She saw him complete now, and she still liked him.

He was still gonna discipline her brat ass, but. That could wait. Petra took the hot water and cloth, and started to clean her wound.

“One thing you got wrong,” he said softly. “I did have people I trusted. But they died.”

“And Kenny?” He noticed how her hand shook when she said the man’s name.

“Like I said earlier. He abandoned me. Before that, he beat the shit out of me.” Levi worked his jaw as he watched Petra wash herself. “But I would never have survived down here without him.”

Petra nodded, her red-gold hair falling into her face. Levi frowned, his fingers itching at his sides as he stared at her leg. Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer.

“Let me. You’re not doing it right.” He knelt in front of her and dunked the washcloth in the basin, wringing it out thoroughly before scrubbing at the dried blood. Petra winced. “I know, I know, it starts bleeding more. But you want this clean, Petra. This whole shitty place is a fuckin’ parade for germs. Tch.” He finally finished cleaning, and inspected the wound. “We can’t stitch it up here. Gotta get you to a doctor.”

“I know what to do.” Petra gently took up the roll of bandages from the tray. “They brought some surgical tape, too. I can patch myself up well enough.” She gave a small grin. “I took a medical elective during training, you know.”

“Well. Guess you know what you’re doing, then.” He sat back and watched her work, helped wind the bandage around her calf when she asked for his help. Soon, she snipped the gauze and tied it off. From ankle to just below her knee, she was bandaged. “Good,” Levi grunted, resting his hand atop her knee. Petra laid her hand on top of his. “I can’t stand seeing your blood.”

He raised her hand and kissed it, then pressed his lips to her knee. He rested his cheek against it, closed his eyes. While Petra stroked his head, he marveled at how a mere week ago this closeness would’ve been unthinkable. Until the night of the ball, she’d never even addressed him without his honorific, not once. Now here she was, calling him by his name, arguing with him. She’d always been a spitfire, always had a mind of her own, but she’d never squabbled with him before. Surprised, Levi sort of liked it.

It meant they were moving past captain and subordinate. It was like standing on a raft and floating away from a dock, looking back and realizing you could not return. No way now.

“I remember the first time you got hurt outside the walls,” Levi murmured, kissing her knee again. Petra’s hook hadn’t latched properly on a tree, and she’d taken a fifteen foot tumble. Oruo had swooped in and saved her, because there was a titan in the area. She’d had a bruised tailbone, and a bloodied nose. Levi usually visited the wounded after a battle, and always hated to see people stretched out on cots, sometimes gouting blood or with torn off limbs. But for some reason, he hadn’t been able to bear seeing Petra like that especially. He’d had to push out of the tent after a few minutes, the image of her lying there with blood crusting on her shirt seared into his brain.

“I thought you were so angry with me. I remember you stormed out of the tent after you spoke to me.”

“I couldn’t stand seeing you like that. Back then, I wanted to believe I didn’t feel anything for you.” Her cool hands cupped his face and lifted it. Petra bent low, her fiery hair shielding their faces as she kissed him. They kissed several more times, until a gurgling noise brought their romantic interlude to a halt.

“That your stomach?” he asked.

“Ugh. I’m starving.” She moaned when he helped her to stand and guided her to the table. Levi even pulled her chair for her, a gentlemanly tip he’d received from Erwin once. The supper wasn’t anything spectacular, but it was kingly for this part of the underground. There was a piece of mutton and some potatoes—clearly, Arnold had spared no expense. Hopefully he didn’t expect big payment. “Cap—Levi. Eat. I can’t believe they only gave us one knife and fork.”

“I’m not hungry.” He often wasn’t. Levi ate primarily to keep his strength up, so he compromised and snatched part of a potato. He walked around and sat on the other side of the table, watching her chew. There was something so calming about seeing her doing the little everyday things, eating and drinking, while outside the military. Idly, he imagined her in a simple dress, sitting at their kitchen table. Instead of the lamp’s artificial glow, he imagined sunlight streaming in through a window. Green fields outside. After a while, Petra looked up at him, still chewing. She swallowed.

“Please don’t stare at me! It’s hard to eat when you do.”

“Hmm?” Eh, fuck. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Looking away, he shrugged. Embarrassment prompted him to speak. “After the fucking scare you gave me tonight, I like keeping tabs on you at all times, I guess.”

The clink of her utensils stopped.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. But that’s not enough.” The anger which had dissipated with her safety began to return. He got up, paced back to the window, peered at the street below.

“You think I turned around and came straight back here. Don’t you?”

“Wouldn’t be the first dumbass move you’ve made in your life.” One of the reasons Levi’d named Eld as his second and not Petra was the older guy’s ability to keep his cool. “Usually, though, you listen to my instructions.”

“I was obeying your order. Honestly. But when I got to the Boar’s Field tavern, they had a trap for me.”

“Huh? Who?” He turned back around to find her standing. “Kenny? He dragged you back here?”

Again, the idea of Kenny’s hands on Petra’s body burned bright in his mind. Again, he tried to push it aside.

“I ran into a woman who said she was with the Military Police. She just happened to mention that you’d defied Commander Dok and gone into the underground without backup to find the stolen gold. She also showed me a letter you’d written to Commander Erwin saying you’d be back in a few days.”

“Yeah, I wrote the note. I sent it to Erwin.” So Petra’d run into the messenger. So damn what? She’d still turned around and come galloping for him like an idiot.

“But that woman, the MP? I just saw her a little while ago. She was with Kenny. She’s one of his gang members.”

Now _that_ was an interesting piece of information. Slowly, Levi sat down on the foot of the bed. He stared at a peeling section of the wallpaper, where a velvet rose was coming apart at the center.

“Levi? It’s not possible that Kenny’s with the Military Police, right?”

“No,” he said automatically. “He’s killed dozens of MPs in his time. If they ever caught him, they’d hang him.” His gaze tracked to the carpeted floor. “But it’s sure as shit possible he’s infiltrated them with his gang. Maybe he has people there working for him.” He recalled the bespectacled kid at the MP’s front desk who’d received his letter. Maybe the kid was working with Kenny. “So they intercept my letter to Erwin. Fair enough, they don’t want us to have back up. But…then they tail you to the tavern.”

“They wanted to turn me around back to you. Kenny said as much himself.”

That throbbing pain began behind his eyes once more. Levi rubbed his face. Fuck, what time was it? Four in the morning? They’d been up for almost a solid day at this point.

“Interesting,” he muttered.

“What is?”

“I don’t think the gold was ever Kenny’s priority. If it was, why leave his calling card? Why break into our room?” His gut lurched to think of Kenny overhearing his whispered professions of love to Petra. Levi could have nothing intimate or private in this life. “Why go out of his way to bring you back to me? Why let you wander around down here on your own?”

“That’s the thing.” Petra came and sat beside him, the bed shifting under her weight. He looked into her eyes as she spoke. “They could have kidnapped me if the goal was just to get to you.”

“But they wanted.” He paused. Levi was not a terribly intuitive guy, but a flash of insight blazed through him. “They want to see what we’ll do.”

“What?”

“Hange. It’s like with her experiments. She sometimes tries a bunch of different things with the titans we capture, see how they respond. Freaky as shit, but she gets information that way.”

“So…Kenny wants information? But what kind?”

“Fuck if I know. What the hell is going on here?” Levi leaned his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face with both hands. He felt Petra’s touch soft between his shoulder blades.

“Think of it this way,” she said gently. “At least there’s a chance we’ll be able to retrieve the Commander’s gold. If Kenny needs to bait you, he can’t give it away.”

She was right. Levi sat up, turned to face her. Her eyes were level with his, though smudged with exhaustion and the remnants of fear. Her smile was barely there, but it remained for him. He may be Humanity’s Strongest, but right now she was even stronger. She was doing it for him. Levi huffed as he leaned his forehead against hers, and Petra sighed in response.

“Always the optimist,” he muttered. “You can see something good in the most shit situations, can’t you?”

“Everyone in the Survey Corps has to, really. Otherwise, why would we do it?” Her cheer was forced, but deeply appreciated.

He’d never spoken with her like this before. Thinking up plans together, working through a problem. Normally, he’d give her orders and she’d obey. But her thinking complemented his well. They shared a practicality—no huge dreamers here, like Hange or Erwin—but she could find the light where he saw only darkness, pick up details he’d missed and vice versa. It was nice to be on equal terms with someone who thought similarly to him.

“We make a good team, I think,” he whispered. His mouth hovered over hers, and she sighed. Had he ever been angry with her? He couldn’t remember.

“I think so.” Her lips brushed his. He returned her kiss deeply, clasping the back of her head as he devoured her mouth. Fuck, if he’d lost this, he’d have gone truly insane. When they were together like this, limbs twining around each other, sinking back onto the bed, he could momentarily forget even Erwin existed.

Very momentarily, but it did happen.

He growled as he lay her down on the mattress and rolled on top of her. He slid a hand up her thigh, between her legs. Fuck, this outfit she wore was ridiculous, but it had its uses. So little effort to gain access to—

“No! Stop!”

Levi jerked backwards with horror as Petra bundled in on herself, gripping her arms while she brought her knees to her chest. She lay in the fetal position, and began to shake. Levi swiped hands through his hair and got off the bed.

“Petra. I’m…I’m sorry,” he croaked.

“It’s not you.” Her teeth chattered as she spoke. “Too much happened.”

_Too much happened._

“With Kenny?” His pulse slowed a bit. She nodded.

“He didn’t _do_ anything to me, but he touched me. And I.” Her voice grew thick with tears. Gently, Levi sat on the edge of the bed.

“Tell me.”

“And I…when I was trying to fool him, I touched him.”

Levi didn’t want to hear the sordid details, but he forced himself to sit there and listen as Petra told him everything. Stripping for Kenny, wearing what he wanted, trying to seduce him. Massaging him, kissing his neck, acting like his little plaything. As she spoke, Levi shut his eyes and tried to block out memories of Kenny bringing women home, the muffled sounds of lust in the bedroom while Levi was forced to sleep under the kitchen table. He’d think about how nothing much had changed since he was little in the whorehouse, and block his ears and try to sleep.

Now, all he could picture was that man on top of Petra, fondling her, fucking her…

He got up swiftly and paced to the door, back to the window, back to the door, hands on his hips. Petra peered at him over her shoulder.

“I don’t ever want to lie to you,” she muttered.

“I’m glad you told me.” He didn’t mean it now, but he would soon. This was giving him a fire in his stomach, a desire to slice that bastard’s fucking throat. So he’d raised Levi? Saved him? Fuck that. He’d toyed with the woman he knew Levi loved. If Kenny had done it to get a rise out of Levi, it’d succeeded. He’d soon regret how fucking clever he was.

“Look at me. Levi!”

He stopped pacing and stared at her. Whatever she saw in his face, it was not good. Cursing inwardly, Levi tried to adjust his feelings while Petra rubbed her shoulders and lowered her head.

“It’s not you. It’s not your fault. You understand that, right?” he growled. Even if it was her dumbass fault for being here, what Kenny had done had been his decision, his alone.

“I…”

Then Petra gave a kind of pained yelp, and started ripping the black dress from her body. Levi rushed over as she wailed, the gauze sleeves tearing off clean as a butterfly’s wing and fluttering to the floor. She ripped the top down so that her breasts were on display, and kept ripping and ripping at the cloth as Levi got on the bed beside her, held her close. Her naked body was gorgeous, but he was not the least bit horny now. He was freaked out.

“Stop it. Petra, stop. You don’t have any other clothes.”

“I can’t wear this fucking thing anymore!” Then her words were lost in sobs, and he rocked her back and forth as she bawled into his shoulder. She clutched at him like he was the only thing saving her from a plunge into a ravine.

Kenny hadn’t broken her, but he’d damaged her tonight. He’d bruised her. That easy, carefree sexuality had shrunk in on itself, at least for now.

Petra had suffered at that animal’s hands. Rage shook his vision, and Levi thought of all the hours spent training while hoping Kenny could see, all the punches thrown Kenny had told him to give, all the words of praise Levi yearned to wring from the man’s lips. And even now, with his girl crying in his arms, Levi found that the warped, malnourished part of him that fed on Kenny’s approval still cried out.

Why was he so fucked up? And right when she needed him most?

His every instinct and experience screamed at him to pull away, to lock her in this room and protect her and not talk about any of this. But he’d spent enough time with her now to realize that would be a disaster, and Levi was a fast learner. Fuck. He’d have to actually talk to her. Comfort her with words.

Fuck.

“You…you need clothes,” he grunted. Petra sniffled.

“Well, you said you could get anything you wanted here.” Her words were muffled in his shoulder. Levi kissed the crown of her head, and rang the silk bell cord by her pillow. Petra bundled herself up in the blankets as Thomas showed up, looking distinctly sweaty. When he saw Petra lying naked under the covers, his face went beet red.

“Don’t look at her,” Levi snapped. Thomas nearly pissed on the spot. “We need clothes. I want options. Talk to the smaller girls, see what they’re willing to give up. Nothing for night, you understand? Day clothes. Got it?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“I’ll pay for them when I can.” He knew the conditions of these women’s lives, wasn’t going to steal from them. “They have my word. Now go.”

Thomas nearly bashed into the door on his way out. Petra, now free of the black dress, appeared more relaxed as she settled back in bed. Levi sat beside her, taking her hand.

“Thank you for offering to pay. I hate to inconvenience them,” she said, cheeks turning pink.

“I know what this life is like.” He looked about the room. “Though my mother didn’t work in a place half as nice.”

Petra’s lips parted, her eyes softened.

“What was she like?”

He appreciated that Petra hadn’t pried about his mother’s work. Kuchel’s face grew fuzzier with every year that passed, but that old feeling of yearning never went away.

“She was sweet. Gentle. She should never have been working down here.” He squared his jaw as he remembered the good times, the laundry days, holding her hand while toddling through the market, one brief picnic in the sunlit world above. He recalled a bottle of scent a client had once gifted her—orange blossoms, he said it was. Levi had yearned to find that scent again, just to have it. One token, one substantial memory. He had nothing else. “She was too soft for this life.”

“But she had you.”

“Yeah. She did.” For all the fucking good it’d done her. Sometimes he wondered if a part of him didn’t strive to be the strongest, the best, just to prove that her shitty life down here had been worth it. That she hadn’t sacrificed in vain.

Petra’s thumb stroked the back of his hand. He gazed down at her, with her red-gold hair fanned across the pillow. He leaned down and kissed her, this time with no lust. She kissed him back, her soft hand cupping his jaw. When they parted, he kissed her forehead. That was what the princes in all her damned fairy tales did, right? Kiss their ladies with delicacy, tenderness, chivalry. All the things Levi’d never been or possessed.

“You need to sleep soon,” he whispered. “You been up for almost a full damn day.”

“You should sleep, too.”

He shook his head. “I don’t sleep much. You know that. These past few days’ve been abnormal.” Her hand covered his as he sat up. “I’ve been worn out. In a good way.”

Tonight, of course, he was exhausted but also wary. Fearful. Furious. If he tried to sleep now, he’d end up with shitty nightmares of titans and teeth. Erwin once said that in your dreams, you were truly free. That was the opposite of Levi’s experience. When he dreamed, he was helpless. He watched those he cared for die over and over, and could do nothing.

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Her grip tightened.

“No. I’ll pull up a chair and wait.”

Her eyebrow lifted. “You’re…going to watch me sleep?”

He shrugged. “That a problem?”

“It’s a little strange.”

“Well, like I said. You’ve given me a few scares, so I want to make sure you don’t do anything idiotic.” Maybe he’d been shorter than was right, but dammit. She was starting to push it now. Petra sat up in bed, clutching the sheets around her naked body.

“Fine. From now on, I’ll do exactly as you say.”

“Good. Then tomorrow you’ll wake up, eat breakfast, and wait here for me to come back with—”

“No.” Her eyes turned molten. “Not that.”

“Ral, you need to be reminded what ‘exactly as you say’ means?”

“Every time you’ve left me alone, terrible things have happened. Besides that, you said it yourself: we can’t trust the MPs right now. We don’t know who’s on Kenny’s side. We can’t trust anyone, not even Arnold. The only people we can trust down here are each other.”

“But that’s the thing, kid. I really _can’t_ trust you right now,” he muttered, standing up. She glared at him. Clearly, he’d wounded her pride. Fine. If it meant keeping her safe and alive, he’d wound it again and again.

“You’re not going to send me back upstairs.” She sounded fucking determined, and Levi was about to shout that yes, that’s _exactly_ what he was going to do…but it wasn’t.

Because he couldn’t.

“I… Fuck.” He stormed over to the wall, stared at that damn peeling rose. After a minute, Petra hazarded a guess.

“Something wrong? Can I _not_ leave?”

“No. You can’t.”

“Because of the bells? You said you’d explain.”

Levi rubbed his face, Nile’s snide words echoing in his mind. _Plague in the city._

“Those’re what we call ‘plague bells.’ Outbreaks happen down here from time to time. When I saw him, Dok mentioned that there’d been a spread in the southeast or something, I don’t remember. Said the MPs were containing it, but apparently not well enough. The bells mean that the spread’s too extensive, and they have to quarantine the place. They’ll have barred the doors by now, triple locked them. All the MPs are on the surface—there’s no police force in this city.”

“For how long?” Petra sounded horrified.

“Usually, these things burn themselves out in a few days. A week, at most. If the disease spreads too far, hey. Most of the undesirables in this city drop dead. It works out well for the police, either way.”

“So there’s no law down here now, at all?”

“Oh, there’s law.” Levi faced her, put his back to the wall. “The MPs strike deals with the top gangs in the city to enforce their own kind of martial law.” Leviathan was undoubtedly among them. Sofia had power of life or death over many now. Legal power. If only he’d stayed on her good side…

Nah. The cost would’ve been too great.

“So if you’re caught outside of your quadrant without papers, or if you’re out past curfew? They decide what to do with you.”

“So there’s no way back above ground.” Petra sounded hollow.

“And there are no police, crooked or otherwise. We’re stuck down here with the scum of the underworld, probably for days. Until the quarantine lifts.” He grunted. “The one positive thing is that now, there’s really no way for Kenny to get that gold out of the city, or do much of anything with it. He’s gonna have to wait it out with the rest of us. That buys me some time.” He sat beside her again, cupped her chin in his hand. “You understand now why I want you inside, and safe?” She held his wrist, kissed his palm. He felt a warm tear splash onto his hand, and drew her into his arms. She felt soft and vulnerable now, and he lavished kisses on her lips, her cheeks, her neck. She nestled into his arms, and for an instant Levi knew peace.

Then that peace was shattered.

“I’m coming with you.” Stubborn. Arrogant. Pig-headed. He held her out at arm’s length, had to resist shaking her.

“You’re being fucking stupid.”

“No. I’m being realistic.” That fire blazed in her eyes, the kind of rage he only saw in the heat of battle when a titan had killed one of their comrades. “Within one hour of coming down here, I was robbed, groped, kidnapped, sold, and then stripped and groped again.” She spoke through her teeth, because the tears were starting to come and she didn’t want them. “No one above ever treated me like that. Not when I was a kid, not when I joined the military. I couldn’t anticipate anything like this. I was helpless.”

“That’s why you stay here.” Levi stood again, towered over her—at least, as best as a man of his height could. “You’re useless to me.”

Petra sat up on her knees, still hiding her nakedness from him. For some reason, it was a blow. She was not so open. Not so trusting now.

“Then teach me how not to be useless. That’s the only way I can help you, and keep myself safe!”

“Teach you how to survive in the underground? We got days, brat, not twenty fucking years.”

“I’m a fast learner.”

“You’re a liability. I order you to stay here.”

Finally, she flung the sheets aside and got out of bed, still wobbly but upright. She went nose to nose with him, her fists clenched in fury.

“You can’t order me anymore! You aren’t my captain now!”

“I am when I want to be.” Even to him, it didn’t make sense, but this whole thing was getting under his fucking skin.

“So that means you get to tell me what to do until you want to fuck me?” Tears started streaming down her cheeks, and her chin wobbled. “Because Kenny would probably like that!”

Levi saw red. The room was red, sure, but all the furniture disappeared, and so did Petra. Levi only saw a wash of color.

“So I humiliate you? I force myself on you?” His breathing was deep and slow now. He could barely think. “I threaten you?”

“No. No.” She put up her hands, backtracking hard. Levi turned from her and pressed his hand against the wall. He was tempted to punch straight the fuck through it, but that’d probably make him look worse. He hissed the fire out of his lungs. “But we can’t be the way we were, not if we want to do this. You can’t be my captain and…this. You have to choose.”

“Choose? Fine. Then we’re done. We’re not fucking anymore. You’re my subordinate, and I order you to stay.”

Silence. Then Petra spoke with such venom, for a minute he couldn’t believe it was her.

“You are such a fucking coward.”

For some reason that word, coward, was the one that broke him. Wheeling around, he clutched the back of a chair. He could not let himself move forward, or he’d…

He would not hurt her, but he would start screaming. He didn’t want that.

“Want to explain what that means? You spoiled fucking _brat_?”

“Me?” She looked shocked.

“You always get everything you want, don’t you? That’s why you can have such a rosy fucking outlook, because you don’t know the real cruelty of this world, the one where people deserve and deserve and never get. But you get it all. The military, top ten of your class, my squad, me. Guys like Oruo running after you even when it’s hopeless.”

Even in the red light, he could see her go pale. “Don’t bring him into this. It makes you look so small.”

_Well, I am_. He didn’t say that, thankfully.

“And all those things you mentioned? I earned every single one of them for myself,” she barked. Now she was livid. “I worked hard, and you know it. And you know what cowards do? They turn all of their problems onto other people!”

“My problems?”

“Whatever this problem you have with me learning how to handle myself down here. It’s like you’re afraid of me not clinging to you! Like you have this picture of me that’s small and dainty, and you don’t want anything to ruin it!”

It stung because he knew, hidden beneath the layers of shit, there was some truth there. But he didn’t know how much, or what part, and right now he couldn’t afford to analyze his fucking feelings. So instead, he got mad. He threw the chair aside, which landed with a clatter, and got right in her face. Petra met him stare for stare, though her eyes widened.

“Maybe I’m afraid because I saw you screaming in pain in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe I saw you get tossed off a fucking building, and groped, and sliced. Yeah, Petra, I’m fucking terrified because I love you so goddamn much and every single good thing I have ever had has been ripped straight out of my hands. So excuse the shit out of me if I turn into a fucking jerk trying to protect you, because all I’ve ever known is loss and I’ve _never felt anything like this before._ ”

Levi could not remember the last time he’d truly yelled at a person. Maybe it’d been at Erwin six years ago, after Isabel and Furlan had died. His throat was a bit sore—he was louder than he’d thought he could be. Petra appeared stunned. She did not touch him, and he did not touch her. His breathing, now heavy, was the only sound.

Until…

“Uh.” Someone at the door squeaked. Thomas stared at them, holding a pile of clothes. He kept looking at Petra, who was still entirely naked. “Y-You want a s-skirt or—”

“Get out of here!” Petra shouted.

Thomas threw down the clothes and bolted, slamming the door behind him. Petra collected the garments, refolded them, and placed them on the table. At least she’d neatened the place. Levi appreciated that.

“I’m sorry.” She finally went back and took his hand. He let her. “I shouldn’t have called you a coward. That was wrong.”

“Yeah. Well. You’re a brat, but you’re not spoiled.” He pulled her against his hammering heart, and closed his eyes. He’d never heard that tone from her before, not even to Oruo. She was more than sweet and gentle; she could be a fucking bulldog when she wanted. She was a whole person, with different parts that came out at different times. She was more than his constant angel.

He’d have to remember that. Just as she’d have to remember that the bold Captain Levi could be afraid, and lose his temper. And love.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I love you so goddamn much as well.”

He kissed her forehead. She rubbed her nose against his, such a playful, innocent gesture of affection that he nearly laughed.

“You trust me enough on the battlefield, right? You trust me to have your back.”

“With my life.”

“Then trust that I can learn quickly and help you. Please.”

He sighed, but she’d had a point earlier. They really couldn’t trust anyone down here now, and they were locked in with the scum of the earth. If Petra were alone and defenseless, Kenny could find a way to her. There was no good answer here, but there was a better one. He just hadn’t wanted to see it.

“All right. Tomorrow, I’ll show you a few street moves. They’re dirtier than the ones I’ve helped you with before. People don’t play fair down here. You have to promise, though, that whatever I tell you to do from here on out you do. No questions. Understand?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“After that, we’re going to see if we can track the Red Hand.”

Petra frowned. “How?”

“Still working on it, but I have a few ideas.” He kissed her lips. “Right now, you need to sleep.”

“Maybe. But first,” she said, letting him go and turning to the wine bottle on the table, “I need a drink. Badly.”

 

Levi’d had a glass of that sparkling wine as well, and it mellowed his gut enough that he could sit in the semi-darkness and watch Petra’s form curled up in the bed without feeling the stab of fear. He watched the door, the window through which the street lights shone. He could’ve closed the curtains, but he wanted to see what was happening at all times. He remained perched in his chair, listening to the sounds of the city at night. Down below, even though it was past five, a brawl was happening. Men hollered, but Petra did not stir. She had to be so fucking tired.

She’d ridden to his rescue. Levi shook his head. Too fucking pure for this world, that one. Well, she had a temper on her, though. That added to something good, something that could save her. If she could control it.

As Levi sat and waited for the day to begin, a day without the sun, he thought again about Kenny and that ugly, leering expression on his face. Levi had rarely felt hate like that, like when he’d seen Petra trapped in Kenny’s embrace.

But in the quiet darkness, his mind conjured up other images.

_“Shit. He’ll be okay, doc?” Kenny standing over Levi’s mattress, staring down at the boy. Levi’s eyes blurred by the fever; he looked up at Kenny, and moaned. The doctor cost money. Kenny never liked to spend, especially not on Levi. But Levi’s tongue was too thick for him to ask questions. His mind was on fire, and his muscles ached._

_“If he makes it through tonight, he’ll probably live. But he needs constant attention.”_

_Levi had never seen Kenny like this before. He’d never seen the man afraid._

_And all through the night, Kenny sitting Levi up to change his sweat-soaked shirt and wash his back with soap and warm water. Kenny speaking soothing words, calling him little fella. Kenny sitting on the mattress, Levi bundled on his lap, rocking him back and forth and muttering nothing in particular. Levi laid his head against Kenny’s chest, heard the steady thud of his heartbeat and the gurgle of his stomach. And when he cried from the pain, Kenny didn’t hit him. He simply stroked his hair._

_Levi, lying frail in bed for a few more days as the disease ran its course. Kenny, stirring up soup, helping to feed the kid. Soon enough, Levi got stronger and Kenny returned to his old ways. And of all the things Levi missed, he missed being held and soothed the most._

Shit.

Levi rubbed his eyes, crossed his ankle over his leg. He leaned back in the chair. In this place, it was possible to remember how he’d worshipped Kenny. How he’d trotted at his heels. How he felt no greater joy than when the man smiled on something Levi’d done.

And Erwin. The first time they went beyond the walls together, Erwin had praised Levi. _Never seen a technique like that_ , something along those lines. And even though Levi had despised the man at that point, hated him more than he hated anything else, he got that same sensation in his stomach, like a flag unfurled. To be praised by an extraordinary man. All Levi had ever wanted.

Erwin’s gold. Gone. Jeopardized. Levi’s leg shook thinking about it.

Erwin was all things to him. A father, a brother, a king, a commander, a best friend, a god.

Maybe it wasn’t right to say something like this, but a man needed the approval of other men. Levi had broken his promise to Erwin. He had put the Corps in danger. And all for love.

His stomach pained him.

He did not regret saving Petra’s life, and never would. But he regretted his reasoning. Erwin could offer him a noble goal, and a better future for all of them.

Petra could only offer him love.

He had chosen his appetite over his duty.

He could not forgive himself for that.

“Ah! No,” Petra moaned. She writhed on the bed, snapping him out of his reverie. Levi hurried over, sat beside her. Her breathing came in sharp gasps, and he saw her eyes in the lamplight. They gleamed; she looked afraid.

“It was a dream. That’s all,” he murmured. She clutched at his arms.

“Stay with me.”

What had she seen? Maybe Kenny, holding her down, letting her feel her own weakness. Levi took off his shoes and vest, and lay down on top of the blankets. He didn’t want her to react to a man’s body pressed up against hers beneath the covers, not after how she’d reacted earlier. But he did line himself up behind her, place a hand on her side. She grabbed that hand and wrapped his arm around herself, snuggling against him. He held her tightly, and kissed the back of her head.

“I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe.”

Petra squirmed around, facing him. She kissed him several times, and he let her. It did not escalate. Neither of them wanted that tonight.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“Love you,” he echoed, meaning it. But as she fell asleep against him, her breath moving his hair, he bitterly calculated the price of love.


	13. Chapter 13

Petra woke from a bad dream to a worse reality. Her leg was a stripe of throbbing agony, and she knew she’d have to change the bandage. Her scrapes and bruises were making themselves known now, and every muscle in her body felt sore. But worst of all was the dream that had followed her back to consciousness, the old man’s leering eyes, his insane grin, his hands touching her. Petra blinked back tears, tightening herself into a ball as she lay on her side. She’d never felt helpless like that before. He’d been toying with her, laughing at her like he would a child who’d done something cute.

_I’m going to kill him._

The thought flared and died. Petra wondered where something that repulsive had come from. Like the captain…like Levi had said, humans killing humans was pointless, only to be done when there were no other options. She did not have to kill Kenny.

But she wanted to. Badly.

Sighing, Petra winced as she rolled over onto her right side. Finally, she smiled. He was still there, asleep.

The lamps in their room had burned low, casting his eyes into shadow, but he was here. He’d stayed the night, keeping her close. She felt the soft puff of his breath, and kissed the little V of a frown between his eyebrows. There was tension and worry written on his face again; the bliss of their holiday on the surface had vanished. Levi twitched, but did not wake. Carefully, Petra slid out of the blankets and got off the bed without waking him. The dank air was cold on her bare skin. She quickly unwrapped her bandaged leg, dabbed at it with water from the washbasin, and rewrapped it. Satisfied, she went to the pile of clothes Thomas had left, sorting through to find something.

Mostly it was dresses and skirts, which she put aside. Nothing soft, nothing feminine. She needed to lock that part of herself away for whatever came next. She was not Petra the girl now. She was Petra the soldier. Even Oruo had appeared shocked the first time she really let herself go on the battlefield, swinging in to assist the captain with a fifteen meter titan. She’d put aside her fear in that moment. When she landed beside the felled body, her heart was pummeling her chest. The other rookies had crowded around her, clapping her on the shoulder. Then Levi had landed, shouted at them all to get off the damn ground. But he’d glanced at her once, nodded, and left her behind.

That had been the first time she’d caught his attention as a soldier.

She’d been hoping to banish his first memory of her in action, the time she and Oruo had burst into tears and wet themselves when a titan came crashing into view.

_I’ll never live that down_ , she thought sourly. Eld would never, ever let them forget.

Petra grinned as she finally lifted a pair of cream colored trousers from the pile. She put on her underwear and hopped in, finding them a bit too big in the ass and too snug at the ankle, but she would make it work. She tightened a belt, buttoned up a shirt, slung on a leather jacket, and slipped her feet into boots that were too roomy in the toes. She tied the laces around her ankles once, to keep them in place.

There was a full length mirror by the side of the room. Petra regarded herself. Maybe it was the dim light or the fact she’d just woken up, but she thought she appeared harder than she had yesterday morning. There were lines around her mouth, a harshness at the corners of her eyes.

She wondered if the woman she’d been yesterday would ever come back.

_Survive first, worry later._

“Hmmrgh?” Levi rolled over, blinked, then swiftly leapt to his feet. Petra realized that he thought she might be an intruder. After a split second, he figured it out and rubbed his eyes. “Good. Everything fits. Shit, what time is it?”

“I don’t know. Everything’s so dark outside. I feel like it’s only an hour later.”

“You lose track of time down here. Surface dwellers, they can get sick to their stomachs if they’re here for more than a day.” He looked her up and down as he rang the cord by their bed. Petra’s stomach growled; she prayed he was ordering food. “I wouldn’t mess with you, Ral.”

He said it fondly, but with distance. Petra winced at that. She noticed that he did not come and take her into his arms. He nodded at her as he poured water, as he rolled his sleeves and unbuttoned his shirt to the neck. He splashed his face as someone knocked at the door, and Thomas entered with a tray. At least Arnold had anticipated their hunger.

“Uh, here, sir.” Thomas set it down on the table, took the old one from last night. Levi looked up, dripping, nodded as he toweled off.

“Thanks. Did Arnold get me what we discussed last night?” Discussed? Levi glanced at her almost apologetically. “I had a word with him when you fell asleep.”

Did he feel guilty for leaving her for a few minutes?

“Yes, sir. Here they are.” The kid patted a bundle that’d been set between the tea things. Levi nodded, flipped him a coin. Thomas smiled gratefully as he left. Levi pulled out Petra’s chair, and she sat.

“I’m running low on my funds,” he muttered as he took his own seat. “Gonna have to find other ways to bribe idiots soon.” His face lit up as he took up the pot and poured a fragrant stream of tea into his and Petra’s cups. Sometimes, Petra wondered if he liked tea more than sex. It might be a close race.

“What did Arnold give you?” Petra opened the bundle, and took out a couple of badges with golden birds stitched onto them. She frowned, puzzled.

“Those are our tickets to move around the city. Like I said, territorial gangs rule the place when the quarantine’s in effect. We won’t get stopped and hassled now. We’re part of the Kestrels, if anyone asks.”

“What if we run into Kestrels?”

“They stick to the edges of their territory in the far south near the funeral pit.” Petra startled. Levi said, “They dump dead bodies that can’t afford a proper burial there. Put lime in, but it still smells sometimes. Fuck. Sorry.” He had noticed her wince. “Anyway. They won’t see us. We’ll stick to a few territories.”

“Where do we go first?” Petra noticed there were a bowl of sugar and a jug of milk as well. She could have cried with happiness as she added them to her tea. She so rarely got to drink it the way she liked best.

“First we have a few errands to run around—what the hell’re you doing? You’re spoiling perfectly good tea.” Levi sounded affronted, like she’d said something lewd.

“You don’t like milk and sugar?”

“Can’t afford them. Don’t need to try them. This is perfect the way it is.” Levi picked up his cup in that bizarre way of his and sipped.

“Why not try? Afraid you’ll like it and then never get to have it again?” His heavy-lidded eyes and tense silence signaled she might be onto something. “Here. Take a sip of mine and see if you like it.” She offered her cup. Levi did not budge.

“You like pushing me, Ral. You used to be a lot more obedient.”

“I used to imagine what you looked like naked. Now I know. Experience is a good teacher,” she said primly, smirking when his hand jolted and he spilled a few drops of his tea. “Besides…you don’t want me to always do what you say, do you?” Petra adored him, would have done anything for him, but if the price to be his lover was to turn herself into an obedient doll who never opened her mouth, she couldn’t do it. Slowly these past few days, she’d learned to wean herself off the idol worship that had consumed her for six years. She’d struggled to see her captain as her lover, and mostly succeeded. But if he couldn’t do the same…

“Tch. I never liked weaklings,” he muttered. With a sigh, he took her cup and sipped. Petra laughed as he all but did a double take, staring into her cup with wide, shocked eyes. She didn’t think he’d looked this astonished when he’d seen Kenny for the first time in decades. “Fuck me. This is good.” Levi gave her back her cup, then spooned sugar and stirred milk into his own tea. While he drank greedily, Petra took some bread and sighed in bliss as she spread butter across it.

“Arnold must have a lot of money.”

“He does okay. He keeps his girls clean.” Levi ate as well, though he was more preoccupied with the tea. “Gotta keep on his good side. This is one of my last real underground contacts.”

“Mmm.” Petra reached to touch his hand. So fast it had to be instinct, he pulled away from her.

The two of them sat absolutely still, both knowing exactly what had just happened. Petra’s insides churned. She felt bile burning her throat.

She was going to be sick if…

“Do we want to talk about that?” she asked.

“Talk about what?” He put his head down, inky hair sliding into his eyes, and became fascinated with his tea.

“Don’t. Levi, please.”

He looked up at her then, his eyes cold and narrow. He gave away nothing.

“Why don’t you want me to touch you?” Petra swallowed; her throat was dry. “Just last night, you were saying—”

“I know what I said. I meant it. Focus on what’s more important right now.” His words were heavy and emotionless.

“I…I can’t go running back out there when you’re this upset. I—”

Levi leaned back in his chair, and for the first time Petra saw real irritation flash on his face.

“We’re in a goddamn quarantined underground, my old…whatever the fuck Kenny is wants something from us, I have to get Erwin’s gold back, and you want to waste time on this shit?” His voice was so soft. That meant he was raging inside. “If you can’t keep your feelings in check, Petra—”

“I think you’re the one who can’t control what he’s feeling.” She kept her voice cool and soft; two could play this game. Petra pushed away from the table, went to look out the window, desperate for something to do. “If you want to be neutral, act just like captain and subordinate until this crisis is over, that’s fine. I can live with that. But I don’t understand how you can scream about how much you love me, and then a few hours later not want to touch me.” She turned to face him, arms crossed over her chest. “Levi. We do not have time for this. Tell me what’s wrong, then let’s get out there.”

Levi stood up, placed his hands on the table, and seemed to debate with himself what it was he even wanted to say. She watched the ideas dance across his eyes, which narrowed as he realized he didn’t have a comeback.

“Is it because Kenny touched me?” Her heart pounded. Levi couldn’t be that much of a pig, could he?”

“Fuck no!”

She breathed out in relief. “Then what happened?”

“Erwin. He. I…” He trailed off, and she watched him shut down. Whatever was trapped inside of him, it would not come out. And Petra knew, instinctively, that if it came out right now it would be wild and uncontainable. There was some connection between Levi and the Commander, something Petra knew on some sad, accepting level she would never have with her lover. His buried trouble would not help them now. It would destroy all of their momentum. This secret, whatever it was, would tear Levi apart if it came too near the surface.

She walked over to him, embraced him. She didn’t kiss him, only pressed him close to her. Levi did not return the hug at once, but slowly his arms closed around her as well. She could feel the wild beating of his heart; something had spooked him just now. He was like a wild horse when frightened, unpredictable as all hell.

“When this is over, we can talk about it. For now, let’s just focus on the mission. All right?” she whispered.

“Fuck,” he murmured, and she thrilled as he kissed her neck. “I don’t deserve you, kid.”

“Well. You can try to earn me.” She laughed, and kissed his cheek. Levi cupped her face in his hands, and the hardness she’d seen in his eyes vanished.

“It’s this place. The underground. Everything here’s filthy. Everyone, too. Seeing you here, it’s…”

“Unnatural?” She petted his cheek, and he nodded. “We’ll be all right. We’re together.”

He kissed her palm. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’m a fucking idiot.”

He pulled her to him and kissed her. Petra grinned as his stubble rasped against her cheek.

“Mmm. I’ve never seen you unshaven like this before.” She pressed her cheek to his, enjoying the sandpaper feel. “It’s very attractive.”

“Tch. No time to shave.” It sounded like it pained him. “But…glad you like it. Now come on.” He studied her, holding her at arm’s length. He was appraising her condition, and nodded. “Strap on your ODM. Pin your badge to your jacket. We’ll have to get you a knife.”

“Yes, sir.”

Petra closed her eyes, shut her own concerns away for the time being, and walked out the door at Levi’s side. Where she’d always longed to be.

 

She ended up waiting in the saloon down below while Levi negotiated some deal with Arnold in the back. Petra sat at a table, chin in her hand, blowing hair out of her eyes as she stared at the closed door and waited to head out. She always liked to get problems out of the way as soon as possible.

Petra had been half-conscious when Levi carried her in here last night. She’d heard a wall of voices, breathed in a miasma of clashing perfumes. Lights and faces had flashed here and there around her. But in the…well, not light of day, but daytime, the place lost all its madcap luster. The, er, working girls sauntered around in petticoats and corsets, eating pieces of bread and sitting at the bar with a smoke and a drink. Without makeup, many appeared sallow, their cheeks hollow, their eyes dim. Some were getting too old to be valuable here. But none of them looked the way Petra had been brought up to think of prostitutes: weeping, mournful of their lost innocence. One of the women gave a huge laugh at whatever someone had said, taking a deep drag on her cigarette after. The women looked cheerful, if tired, and ate and joked and teased one another. They swapped stories of the night before, sympathized over the start of someone’s period.

They were…normal women. Change a few details, and they could have been her and her fellow female Scouts at the tavern after a mission. If she’d been born down here, chances were she’d be working at a place like this, alongside women like these. And she wouldn’t mind it terribly. It would simply be her life.

So much in life, Petra realized, came down to chance. Everything else relied on how a person dealt with what happened to them.

“Hello,” someone said to her left. Petra glanced over at a child, a little brown-haired thing no more than twelve. Her long hair was in pigtails, and she had a spray of freckles across her nose. The girl smiled shyly, the picture of sweetness. Petra beamed. After that shakedown by those two little monsters yesterday, it was wonderful to see a decent kid.

“Hello back. What’s your name?”

“Julie. Yours?”

“Petra.”

“Do you work here now?” It was a guileless question.

“No, I’m…I’m a soldier.” Hopefully there was no harm in saying that much. Julie’s eyes widened; she seemed impressed. “My captain and I are leaving soon. So.” She glanced around. “Which one’s your mother?”

“Hmm?” Julie tilted her head quizzically.

“You must be someone’s daughter.”

“No, I work here.”

“Oh. In the kitchens, or…” Petra’s voice suddenly cracked. Her eyes widened, the words stopped as her mind spun over the possibilities. She felt a lump form in her throat. No. No, not that. Please. “What do you do here?”

“I do the clients that Arnold says have peculiar tastes.” Julie said it so naturally, as if they were discussing delivering newspapers or working in a shop. “He says I have more than a decade of work left in me, if I’m lucky and keep my teeth.” She smiled at that. She really did have a beautiful smile.

Petra’s brain was on fire.

“Sweetheart. Would you just…just wait for me here, all right?” Petra nearly fell down as she stood. She clutched the edge of the table, letting the blood settle in her veins. She knew she should cool down, but red flashed before her eyes. Julie sat, obedient as a little puppy, and Petra strode towards the closed office door. She did not storm. She did not want any of the women to notice what was wrong.

She didn’t want Julie to have any inkling of what Petra was about to do.

She opened the door, and quietly closed it behind her. That was the last quiet thing she’d do for the next few minutes.

It was a normal office, cluttered, with jackets slung over chairs and old dishes left to pile on a table. In the center of the room was a desk, and behind the desk sat a large, beefy man with thinning blonde hair and at least two chins. Levi was seated before the desk, kicking back. He looked relaxed. In his element.

“Are you Arnold?” Petra spoke through her teeth, fixing the blond guy with a deadly stare. The man chuckled, poked his chins.

“You don’t lie, Levi. She’s good lookin’.”

To Petra’s right, there was a file cabinet. On top of that cabinet sat a collection of badly sorted papers, a fist-sized marble paperweight holding them down. She picked up the paperweight, and flung it at Arnold’s head. Her aim was very good.

“Fuck!” Arnold ducked just in time as the marble sphere punched a hole into the wall, then fell to the floor with a heavy thud. Cracks formed in the cheap plaster. Guess he’d need to get it all redone. Petra stormed towards the desk, and all that kept her from clawing Arnold’s eyes out was Levi standing in front of her, holding her back. She heard him grunt with the strain. Apparently she was a lot to handle right now.

“You crazy redhead _bitch_.” Arnold stood back up, flattening his hair. “Hell’s wrong with her, Levi? That time of the month?”

“Petra, the _fuck_?” Levi hissed in her ear. Oh, he wanted to defend his friend, did he? Petra glared at him.

“Did you know your _friend_ here is whoring out children?” she snarled.

For a moment, Levi was very still. She could see something flicker in his eyes; it was the same animal light she’d seen when he’d faced off with Kenny.

“Arnold. What’s she talking about?”

“Julie. She’s not more than twelve, is she? You piece of shit.” Petra spat her words at Arnold, unable to move with Levi’s hands holding her in place. This time, Levi said nothing. He just listened. “How long have you had her servicing the “peculiar” customers?”

“Arnold,” Levi said. “Again. What’s she talking about?”

His voice was so, so soft. Arnold looked worried.

“Er, look. Levi. The kid had nowhere to go, right? Those guys on the street, they’d a done worse to her and not even paid for it. She’s too soft for this world, y’know? So I took her on _as a maid_ , all right? But she wanted to make some real money. Sick kid sister or somethin’, you know the story. Now she’s got some savings, she’s got a future, and I never ever let anyone dodgy near her, right? I mean c’mon, she _asked_ to start workin’! I respect girls’ choices, right?”

“You are so full of _shit_!” Petra screamed so loudly that her throat felt raw. She coughed with the strain. Levi squeezed her arms, whispered in her ear.

“I will take care of this. Stop.”

Petra shook with the rage and adrenaline. Her leg jiggled as Levi turned to Arnold. He placed his hands atop the desk, and Petra waited for him to snap the man’s neck.

“Arnold. You remember how I feel about these things, yes?” His voice was silk and smoke. Terrifying. Arnold gulped loudly.

“It’s just…you been gone, Levi! You don’t know how bad things’ve gotten down here! We’re _all_ struggling.”

“Doesn’t matter. No kids, Arnold. Not ever. Not fucking _ever_.”

Petra bounced on the balls of her feet, waiting for the splatter of blood and crunch of bone. Levi reached to his side, going for the knife…

Except he wasn’t. He was going for his pocket. He took out a few coins, counted them onto Arnold’s desk. The bigger man watched with both fear and curiosity.

“For our stay, and the damages. Now listen.” Levi leaned in closer. “If you ever, _ever_ sell kids again, I will break both your goddamn arms. Do you believe me?”

“Y-Yeah. I do.”

“Good. The kid can work as a maid. She can work in the kitchens. Feed her, give her good pay—good pay, Arnold, don’t test me on this. Send money to her sister. When she’s grown, she can make the choice to whore or not. Up to her. But until she’s grown, she’s not a working girl. Do you hear what I’m saying? Do you understand me?”

Levi was almost nose to nose with Arnold now.

“Yeah, Levi. I hear you. She’s off the floor.”

“Good pay.”

“Yeah, good pay.”

“No more kids. Ever. Or I’ll find out, and I will come back here. You know my word’s good, Arnold.” Levi turned to Petra then, tried ushering her to the door. “Let’s go.”

“You…that…” Petra felt dizzy. Arnold shot her a sour look, his mouth pursed like he’d bitten into a lemon. He counted his coins. Levi had given him _money_. Given him a _warning_. “That son of a bitch! That ugly, stupid—”

Levi actually turned her around and marched her to the door.

“Cute girl, Levi. Real cute,” Arnold called as Levi kicked the door shut behind them. Petra wrenched out of his grasp and faced him. How could he look so cool right now? Well, apart from the vein pulsing in the center of his forehead. Levi looked at her for what felt like a long time, looked as if he could see into her soul.

“How could you let him off that easily?” she breathed.

“He won’t put that girl back out there. He won’t risk it.”

“He whored out a _child_.” Tears sprang into her eyes. She felt the floor pitch beneath her feet, like she was on a boat. “It’s evil.”

“I agree.”

“Then why’d you let him off so lightly?”

“Because we _need_ him, Petra!” Levi hissed. His fists clenched at his sides. “And the minute we don’t anymore, the second we can go home, I will walk in there and personally tear off both his arms and beat him to death with them. But until he’s not useful anymore, I need to keep him on our side. We are trapped with a shit ton of people who want us dead or worse. They have guns, and safe houses, and they know themselves and the city in a way I don’t anymore. I don’t even know how many enemies are out there. I don’t know who to trust. I can’t take them all on without some kind of help. I’m good, but even I’m not that good.”

She’d never heard him admit a limitation before. And she’d never really considered how deep and ugly this city was to its very roots. To her, Levi had always seemed superhuman, not only in his strength but in his incorruptibility. He had never been afraid to cuss out a merchant, or sneer at a commander, not if he felt it was right. The way he remained so stoic now, despite how he seemed to vibrate with fury, spoke to what he was sacrificing to let Arnold escape for even a minute. Down here, honorable men like Levi had to temper heroism with practicality. It was gross.

But he would not let Arnold get away with it forever. She had that much.

“Do you mean it?” She wiped her cheeks, sniffled. “When we’re done, you’ll come back and hurt him?”

“No. I’ll come back and fucking kill him.”

The quiet assurance of his voice both thrilled and frightened her. He pulled her against him, kissed the path of her tears.

“But I was proud of you in there.” She felt him smile against her skin. “Your aim is fantastic.”

Petra laughed breathily, kissed him back.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s get this started. Though I still have no idea what we’re doing.”

“Lesson one in the underground: information is everything. Tch. Furlan was always good with that—he was the brains of the outfit. Though I’m no shithead myself. Come on.” He ushered her through the saloon, an arm around her shoulder. Julie waved to Petra as they walked by. Petra smiled weakly in return. As they passed the coat rack, Levi stopped. He eyed a dark coat, one that would be a touch too big for him.

“Thomas’s, probably. Eh. Fuck it. I need it and I’m pissed off.” He slung on the coat, which thankfully wasn’t too big. The sleeves reached his knuckles, the bottom trailed above his ankles. He belted the coat, grabbed a flat cap, and placed it on his head. Again, slightly too big, but Petra would never dream of laughing. It’d hurt his pride too much. And anyway, he did look very handsome. Under the brim of the hat, she could not see his eyes. He looked almost like a different person.

A true thug. She shivered at the thought…but not necessarily with fear.

Petra was surprised by her own reaction. She forced herself not to look back at Julie as they left Arnold’s and made a sharp right.

“I like your look, but why do you need the coat and hat?”

“I’m kind of famous around here,” Levi grumbled. He sounded embarrassed. “If I can stay undercover, it’ll only help us.”

“Where are we going?”

“If I’m right,” he said slowly, taking them along a narrow, twisting lane, “they should still all meet right…here.”

Apparently, he was right.

They emerged into a wider area, tenement buildings rising up all around them like looming bodies, shutting out much of the lamplight. As a result, shadows wavered upon the brick walls, or over the ground. It was hard to make out the kids at first, then difficult to discern how many there were. Petra finally counted five or six. Two boys, probably about ten, shared a cigarette, passing it back and forth. The small burning light gave Petra something to focus on. One of the boys stepped towards Levi, his walk cocky enough to belong to a man ten years older. The kid jutted out his chin, and looked up at Levi.

“Knock?” The kid asked, his voice too low and rough for his age. Petra frowned. She didn’t get what he was asking. To her surprise, Levi took it in stride.

“Jingle, per snatch,” he said. Petra briefly wondered if she’d hit her head last night, and how hard. “All round. Four ways.”

“Four ways?” The kid blew a raspberry. “Fat jingle. No scrape.”

“Look, kid, let’s talk normal. My associate here doesn’t speak the cant.” Levi glanced at Petra. “Street talk. Picked it up as a kid.”

“What’d he say?” Petra asked.

“ _He_ said ‘what do you want?’” the kid replied. He sniffed at Petra. “Then this guy said he had money to offer if we were ready to search the entire underground for something. I said it’d have to be a lotta cash, or no deal.”

“You said all that in fewer than ten words?” Petra gaped at Levi.

“Like I said. The cant.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two silver coins. He held one up. “For down payment.” Then the other. “When the job is done.”

The kid’s eyes widened. “That surface silver?” Levi flipped him one coin, and the kid inspected it. He bit it, nodded. “Fuck, man. A guy who talks the cant _and_ comes from above? Tell me your secret.”

“Tell me yours, I tell you mine,” Levi said. “I want you and your flock over here to sniff out every surgeon in this city, legit and back alley. I want names, I want addresses. And if you want a bonus…” He drew out one last coin. Petra got the feeling that might be the end of his cash. “Find out who’s performed surgery sometime between late last night and early this morning. Can you handle that?”

“Grampa, do you need to ask?”

“Good. Then fuck off and meet me outside Arnold’s in three hours. If you don’t meet me, I’ll find you and take my money back, along with your arm.” He said it casually, and the boy simply shrugged. Petra realized that this might be a performative ritual down here. Threats, acceptance of those threats; a dance of almost mutual respect between two people doing business. She shivered.

“Got it. See ya, lady.” The kid blended into the shadows. There was the soft patter of feet, and within instants Petra and Levi were alone in the canyon of the tenements.

“Why surgeons?” she asked. Levi put his arm through hers and turned them around.

“I got Kenny pretty good through the side last night. He might have a medical man in his gang, but a needle and thread won’t fix this. Kenny had to have gone to someone down here before he bled out. We find out who, we find a path to catching him.”

“You think he’s still alive? If you got him the way you say you did—”

“Trust me on this. It’ll take more than my knife to the side to take that bastard down.” He spoke with utter conviction.

Petra nodded. “Then do we wait for the kids to come back?”

“No. I want to scope out their old safe house in the tunnel district.”

“What if they’re still there?”

“Trust me. They won’t be. With Kenny injured and me on the loose, they won’t risk it.” He said it with no pride. It was a recitation of facts.

“What do you think you’ll find there? The money?”

“No. But something…” He blinked, then let her go. “Never mind. I don’t think we should use ODM to get through the city. We’ll be conspicuous. Hope your leg’s not too busted for walking.”

They did not speak as they wended their way through the deserted streets—apparently the quarantine had taken full effect, and people were staying indoors to avoid infection or gang violence. Petra kept snatching glances at her captain. Because that was truly the role he was playing right now. She might have questioned her lover, pried more information from him. But Captain Levi would keep his secrets close, and she would let him.

 

Levi had been right. The place _was_ deserted. The tables in the gambling area were still overturned, and the whores in the top bedroom had vanished. All they’d left behind was a stained mattress and a scarf.

“Hope they got away clean,” Levi murmured as he shut the door.

They were careful as they moved from room to room, careful as they went back outside. Petra noticed Levi swipe some candles from the back room, along with a book of matches. They exited the house, and Levi stopped them at the mouth to the tunnel. He gazed into the blackness. Petra’s skin broke out in gooseflesh. She hated the dark.

“Are we going in, sir?” Neither of them noticed how she’d addressed him. Or at least they didn’t mention it.

“Yeah. You ready, Ral?” He lit the candles, gave one to her.

“I guess I have to be.”

Together, they entered the mouth of the tunnel cautiously. Petra took out the knife Levi had lifted for her off a passed out drunk, and became ready for anything. What if there was a whole swarm of thugs in here?

No. She shook her head. They wouldn’t sit here in pitch blackness with the drip of water and the cold, uneven ground. They were thugs, not vampire bats.

“What are we looking for?” she whispered. Her voice bounced off the walls, coming back to her much louder than it’d gone out.

“People don’t set up house in the tunnel district unless they got something to hide,” he said. Petra nearly cursed as her boot snagged on something, and she pitched forward. Oh, fuck. She might actually go face first into the ground—

“Watch out!” Levi shouted. He grabbed her across the chest and brought her back up. In the dancing candlelight, she could see the stark horror on his face. She tried to smile.

“I’m fine. I nearly fell, that’s all.” She waved her candle forward, as if to illustrate the path she’d been headed down. To her shock, Levi grabbed her arm and wrenched it back.

“Don’t bring that any closer,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” Petra looked past him, and gasped.

Their candles didn’t provide much illumination, but they gave off more than enough light for this. They’d come upon an absolute mountain of wooden crates. Petra craned her neck, saw that the pile scraped the fifteen foot cave ceiling. How many were there? Twenty-five? Thirty? More?

“Levi, what is this?”

“Look at what’s on the side,” he muttered.

Her eyes trained on a single word, stenciled in bold, black letters.

EXPLOSIVES

And below, in slightly smaller script,

HANDLE WITH CAUTION

“What…the…” She couldn’t breathe properly.

“This is a lot bigger than Erwin’s gold,” he said.

Kenny and his gang were sitting on enough dynamite to level Mitras to the ground.


	14. Chapter 14

“Stay back.” Petra remained still as Levi removed his hand from her stomach. He gave his candle to her and gestured to hold them high. Petra did, and in the flickering light the bottommost crate became easier to see. As Levi knelt before it, Petra started.

“Captain! Be careful.”

“Without fire, these are harmless. Tch. It’s not gonna bite.”

Petra shook her head. Idiot. Her heart beat fast as Levi nosed around, pushing at the already loosened front panel. Petra didn’t even care that she’d called him captain again. Right now, that distinction between their ranks made her feel safer. She was most comfortable following him wherever he’d lead.

Another time, she might worry about her own willingness to be his second. Her longing for that submissive role.

Another time, when they weren’t stuck in a cave with explosives.

“Got it.” Levi managed to pry the panel open. He reached inside, nabbed something, and grunted as he stood. As he dusted off his knees, Petra saw that he held a small bundle of the explosives, about three sticks of dynamite bound together. Levi shoved the bundle into a deep pocket inside of his coat.

“Why did you take that?”

“Proof.”

“For the MPs?”

“No. Someone else.” He took his candle from her, then led them back towards the cave’s entrance. Petra matched him stride for stride.

“Which someone?” Silence. Petra inhaled sharply. “Captain. _Levi._ ”

As they exited the cave, he checked every which way, ensuring that they hadn’t been spotted or tailed. Satisfied, he answered her.

“The head of one of the city’s biggest gangs.”

“I thought you said you had no friends in the big gangs.” Petra frowned. Levi simply revved up his ODM and latched onto a stalactite above them. He zipped up to the ceiling of the cavern and gazed down at her. Waiting for her to follow his implicit order.

Petra narrowed her eyes and sighed. The man could be so damn difficult. She flew up beside him, then tailed Levi as he led them farther away from the Red Hand’s old haunt. After a while, he was apparently satisfied that they’d covered enough distance. He lit down upon the ground, Petra right at his heels.

“Still fast as hell.” Levi gave her an admiring nod. “You always were better on ODM than the guys on the squad.”

“ _Levi._ What are we doing now?” Petra did not have to be involved in all his decisions—she couldn’t be, since he knew this place so much better than she did—but she needed to know what they were doing, and why. Her captain squinted as he assessed her. Apparently, she looked serious. Good.

“I don’t have friends in high places anymore, it’s true. But this gang…their leader’s cagy. The type to put aside any kind of grudge if the stakes are high enough. This?” He patted his chest, the dynamite nestled against his heart. “This is a reason to call a fuckin’ truce.”

Petra sighed. “Thank you. Let’s go, then.”

Levi gave a snort. “You’re easy to please.”

“I like to show my gratitude.” She did not mean it to sound that sexual. Levi looked at her. And though his eyes held that momentary flash that appeared so much like…like Kenny’s…the light of wonder, the softening of his expression kept it from feeling predatory. Whenever he looked at her in that way, Petra felt worshipped.

Her cheeks heated.

“Let’s go. We’re headed for the center of town.” Levi tipped his cap, and led the way.

To Petra, the entire city was a graveyard of dirt, shit, and ash, but she had to admit that the city’s central area was the _least_ dirty, shitty, and ashy. At least here, the streets were swept and people were not allowed to piss against walls or lounge barefoot in the gutter. She also noticed that the few people patrolling wore badges on their jackets as well—the mark of their gang. The sign that they could move about freely. Eyes swept over her badge and body. She ignored them.

Even under quarantine, there were lights in the windows and music and laughter poured out of the swinging doors. Levi came to a stop in the street, and looked up at one of the tallest buildings in the quarter. Petra followed his gaze to a large picture window overlooking the square.

“Here we are,” he said. He sounded grim. For one brief moment, Petra slipped her hand into his. For one brief moment, he squeezed it. Then he let her go.

They walked to the door, but a tall, broad-shouldered man stood in their way. Levi halted, though Petra knew he could get through whenever he wished. No man, no matter how well-muscled, could stop him.

“Not you,” the man said, looking square at Levi. “You’re barred from the premises.”

Levi had always had trouble making friends. Petra stepped close to his side, waiting for the signal to strike. She glared up at the man, who looked down dismissively at her. Probably thought she was too small to be fierce. Then again, he didn’t realize she could make quick work of his balls from where she stood.

“I have something she’ll want to see,” Levi replied. Petra’s eyebrows lifted. She? The head of this gang was a woman?

“Doubt it.”

Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold coin Kenny’s man had tossed to him last night. The guard’s expression did not change, but his gaze latched onto the gold.

“This. And also this.” Levi pulled the dynamite from his coat. Petra flinched as the guard stepped back, instinctively falling into a fighting stance. “Relax. I found it. Lots more just like it, too.” He squared his jaw. “Tell her she’s got bigger problems with the Red Hand than even she knows.” The guard did not respond, so Levi gave him the coin and the dynamite. “Show them to her. Tell her I want them back.”

With that, Levi turned on his heel and walked off. Petra trailed after him, silent, still trying to work out whatever she’d witnessed.

“What was that? You just gave the dynamite away?”

“Trust me. This girl’s a lot of things, but she’s no petty thief. She’ll return them.”

“She doesn’t even know where we are. You didn’t tell him where we’re staying.”

Levi did not respond to that. Finally, Petra rolled her eyes and walked quickly beside him. “So what do we do now?”

“We’re putting her and her gang into play, and pretty soon the kids should have that information for us about the surgeons. Those are two dominoes falling. Meantime, there might be guys in this neighborhood who hate Kenny—he was a regular asshole back in the day. Real shit manners. Crossed a bunch of other thugs. Maybe we can…”

Levi came to a sudden halt, his arm linking with hers. Petra stopped beside him, and frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Kestrels. Headed our way.” He tucked his chin lower, guided her off to the side. “Look small. Don’t make eye contact. Shit, what’re they doing this far from their territory?” He grumbled. “Guess things’ve changed since I lived here.”

Well, what didn’t change with time? Petra clung closer to him, and quickened her step. She saw them out of the corner of her eye, a couple of grimy, stubbled thugs. Much like everyone else down here. They were almost past the two men, almost free—

“Oi. You.” One of the Kestrels turned after them. Levi cursed under his breath.

“We don’t want a fight. Keep moving. You didn’t hear him.” Petra obeyed, but winced as she heard footsteps pounding up behind them.

“You fuckin’ deaf? Turn around.”

Petra thought for one second of ripping the badge off, but knew that’d also land them in trouble. Then they’d just be people outside of their own quadrant, no papers to let them leave. They’d be punished.

With a growl, Levi turned them both around. He kept his head hung low so that the brim of his hat shadowed his entire face, and hunched his shoulders.

“What?” Petra asked. She tried to sound bored. _Don’t give them a reason to pay close attention._

“This’s neutral territory. No ODM in the central zone. You fuckheads forget that?”

Petra didn’t know what most of this meant, but she heard Levi quietly whisper “shit”.

“We forgot. We’ll take them off, okay?” Petra turned to leave, but a heavy hand gripped her shoulder. She had to wrestle with herself not to lash out and kick the bastard.

“Hey. You Kestrels?”

Petra wrenched out of his grip, rotating her shoulder as she turned to face him. Beside her, she could sense Levi coiled, ready to strike at any moment. Part of her wanted to cut down these creeps—they both loomed over her, leering, and they both smelled like garlic—but she knew that would just be another way for people to track them. Petra hadn’t been in the underground long, but she’d come to understand one thing very quickly: the more bodies you left behind, the easier it became to find you.

“What’s it look like?” she snapped. She even yanked on her jacket’s lapel, to show off the golden badge properly. The captain had once told their squad something like that. _If you ever need to bullshit your way out of something, commit to it. Make yourself believe the lie, otherwise no one else will buy it._

“How come we ain’t seen you ‘round?”

“Maybe because it’s a big fucking city?” Petra spat back. Her heart was going wild, but she kept a scowl on her face. She imagined Levi’s voice coming out of her mouth, telling these two meatheads off. She had to fight to keep her leg from jiggling. What was she doing?

Whatever it was, she had to commit.

“Not that big. When’d Leiman take you on?”

No idea who Leiman was. Petra danced around the question. Levi continued his silent routine. Made sense. If his cover was blown, these men would know they were lying without question. Then they wouldn’t be able to avoid a brawl.

“Are you in charge of his schedule now?” Petra’s gut lurched. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure Leiman was a he; it could be a woman’s last name.

“Don’t be a smartass.”

“Compared to you, it’s not hard.” She said it breezily, without malice behind it. Like she’d heard Levi do with the kids. The language of the underground, insults and threats handed out with a soft hand. When the time came for danger, people usually didn’t talk.

The guy glowered at her. Sometimes men got especially hurt when a woman gave them lip. Petra really didn’t care about that.

“Ask you again. When’d Leiman take you on? Who’d you get past?”

None of this made any sense. Petra saw Levi’s hand move stealthily towards his blade. Shit. She didn’t want to cause a scene and draw attention, and she didn’t want to see these two idiots killed. Threats or not, they were still human lives. Petra had been beyond the walls and seen the true enemy. Humans were not supposed to kill one another.

Her temper burned hot, and she let it loose. Hands on her hips, she started cursing the men out.

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing getting in my fucking face? Who exactly died and put you in charge, you absolute shithead? Why is it that I’ve got to answer to your dumb ass? If you have a problem with me, go to Leiman and bitch and cry to him. Meanwhile, I’ve got actual work to do. Oh, and if I sometimes forget about the ODM rules, we’ll all fucking survive, okay? I don’t need you stomping after my ass. You’re not my fucking father, so fuck off. Got it?”

Petra’s heart raced. She’d never cursed so much in such rapid succession before, and she prayed that it sounded authentic. She worried that she’d stumbled on the swears or over enunciated them, a person picking through a second language.

The two Kestrels gazed blankly at her. One of them had a slack jaw.

Petra decided not to wait for a response. She turned on her heel and stalked off, Levi beside her.

“Well. Fuck,” he said. It sounded like admiration. “Guess I’ve rubbed off on you.”

“In more ways than one.” She wondered if he’d blushed when she said it. She certainly had. They wended their way off the main thoroughfare, snaking through the snarl of tenement alleyways. For a while, they moved easily. But then Levi stopped once, grabbing her arm. “What is it?” Petra whispered.

Levi took out his blade and held it sideways. He gazed into it for a second, adjusting the angle, then swore and sheathed it.

“They’re following us.” He’d seen their reflection in the blade. “Think they’re smooth. Stopped when we did.”

Apparently Petra’s performance hadn’t been as convincing as she’d hoped.

“Orders, sir?”

“Well, two options. Either I kill them here, with no witnesses, or we take off through the air.”

“Which would you choose?” Why did her heart rate pick up? Why did she want him so, so badly to choose—

“First option’s easiest, and safest. But I hate unnecessary death. Think you can follow my lead?”

Petra closed her eyes and exhaled with relief. “You know I can.”

“Good. Fly low. I know a place where we can get lost for a while.” With that, he shot his ODM hooks and took off down the alley. Petra followed at his heels.

They did not fly above the rooftops, which would’ve given people a way to track them. They kept low, and Petra found herself using the full range of her acrobatic abilities. Dodging multiple clotheslines, clearing fences of uneven heights, and having to suddenly swoop low to go down a tunnel and keep from smashing into a brick wall required perfect reflexes and immaculate hand-eye coordination. Levi, of course, was flawless.

“Is this where you learned ODM?” Petra asked breathlessly as they landed outside of a tunnel opening. It was so short that they both had to crouch. Petra cursed the darkness, but kept her hands on the walls to help guide herself along.

“Yeah. Best place, in my opinion.” Petra halted, blinking as she tried to discern anything in the utter blackness. She stumbled forward as Levi nudged into her with a grunt. “Keep going. It’ll get better,” he said. Petra held her breath and inched forward. If she trusted him to do nothing else, she trusted him to keep her safe in the dark.

Eventually, watery light pierced the void. Petra could see the floor now, and the tunnel widened enough that she could comfortably stand. She gasped in relief as she entered a cavern, the ceiling at least fifteen feet high. And the light…it came from…

Petra raced forward in shocked relief.

It was sunlight.

Above them, boards and heavy rocks constituted much of the ceiling. Petra got the impression that once there’d been a gaping hole up above, one that’d been filled in to keep people from climbing out. But a crack in the ceiling remained. A beam of yellow light illuminated the cave’s interior. Dust particles floated in the beam. Petra leapt onto a stone and stood in the direct light, eyes closed as she felt the warmth of the sun on her face. If she strained her ears, she believed she could hear birdsong. They’d ended up somewhere in the royal forest.

She hid from Levi when a tear streaked down her face. Less than two days trapped down here, and she’d been starved for the world above. How had he lasted decades?

He truly was the strongest.

“How’d you know about this place?” She turned to him, jumped down from the rock. But Levi did not seem to hear her. He paced to a corner of the room, took out a candle. He took a flint, and after a few strikes against one of the rocks he got a spark and lit it. He held the candle up to the wall, and Petra saw a name illuminated there, painted in crude handwriting.

ISABEL

“We used to come here all the time.” He stepped away, the light growing dimmer on the wall. The name began to vanish into darkness. “Me, Furlan, and Isabel.”

Petra grew very still. She had never heard this tone in his voice before.

As if he were lost in a dream.

Petra would not think of moving. It might stop him. Levi slowly paced around the cave, his candle lighting different sections of the natural wall. More names, a jumble of them from over the years. Then she caught FURLAN, and in much, much smaller letters beside it, LEVI. Petra heard it in her mind as a mumble, chiming in because Furlan had jabbed him in the ribs to say something. She smiled.

And Levi kept talking.

In fact, he talked more than she had ever heard in all their years together.

“Furlan and I found this place first, back when we were practically kids. Both twenty-one. I’d been bouncing in and out of different gangs, getting tired of it. Wanted to be my own man. Furlan was head of a small time gang, their mastermind. I told him I wanted control of their territory, so he challenged me to a fight. Knocked him out in one punch. Nearly lost his front teeth.” Levi’s mouth twitched, his almost-smile. A fond memory of violence. “Couldn’t believe it when he kept tailing me asking to team up. I said no, I’m the boss, you aren’t. He agreed, just like that. Didn’t mind being my second. Some are born strong, others smart. I mean, I’m no idiot, but I’m not _smart_. Book smart. Furlan was. Apparently his mother taught him how to read before she died or something. Some people, they start reading and they never want to stop. I don’t get it, but hey. He did. That was the first time…” He stopped speaking, and moving. He stared at the floor as if in a trance, half his face in shadow, half left in flickering light.

Petra wanted to ask “what?” She did not. She was afraid that if she spoke the illusion would break, fine as a gossamer thread. That he would return to reality.

“First time anyone ever called himself my friend. Took some getting used to. Thought he was hitting on me for a while—I mean, turned out he was, but no big deal. It was good, having someone always around. I kept it professional, I mean, it was business. He had the bright idea to get hold of some ODM equipment and learn how to use it. We started making real money then. We were good together. Partners. It was fine. But Isabel.”

His voice seemed to waver on her name. Petra held her breath.

“Found her in the trash. Like someone’d thrown her away. She never told me where she came from. Just a kid. Twelve or something. Looked like shit. Why’d I pick her up and bring her home? Furlan asked. Got annoyed. Sometimes I pretend I don’t know why.” He shuffled back and forth, wended his way towards the beam of light. Hysterically, Petra thought it was something like an actor finding his best lighting upon the stage, delivering a monologue. She bit her lip.

“Fuck, she was different. Loud as all hell. After we got her fed, she wouldn’t shut the fuck up.” Again, the lip twitch, the smile. “Not kind to say, but she was pretty dumb. Couldn’t make sense of numbers or letters, no matter how many times Furlan tried to teach her. She got on his nerves sometimes. He’d tell me he was moving out, but never did. I used to ruffle her hair… She had wild red hair.”

Petra flinched. Levi apparently attracted young redheads wherever he went.

He stepped onto the rock and turned his face to the sunlight. He stood there, resplendent in the glow. It shone in his fine black hair, turned his sallow skin a blinding white.

Petra trusted the situation enough to speak. “You said you pretended not to know why you saved her. Why did you?”

“Because…” He spoke as if he were disconnected from her. Some deep, dark memory was floating up from the depths of his subconscious, rising towards the light. Levi’s face constricted, but he spoke calmly. “I wanted…I don’t know, when you get to be someone’s world. They look at you different, don’t they? Shit, I can’t describe it, um…fuck. I wanted to feel that from someone.”

Petra gave a gentle voice to his thoughts.

“You wanted someone to love you. Need you.”

“Yeah.” The word seemed to fall from his lips, leaden. He turned his face down to his boots again, and his eyes disappeared into shadow. “Furlan and I cared about each other, but she loved me. She trusted me. Called me her big brother. Wherever I went, she wanted to go. Like…like Kenny.”

He seemed to go deeper into his trance, the horror tightening his voice as he came to some realization.

“The way I used to…with Kenny. But I wasn’t gonna leave. I wouldn’t leave her. Wherever I went, I wanted her to go. She followed me up to the surface, out beyond the walls. She loved me, and I got her killed because of it. Oh, fuck. Fuck me.” His shoulders sank, his back began to curve, the weight of the epiphany bending him like a reed. “That’s what happens to people who fucking love me. I just turn it all to shit, don’t I?”

He was trying to equate himself with Kenny? Impossible. Petra raced over to him, stepped onto the stone, joined him in the sunlight. She wrapped her arms around him and propped him up, kissing his cheek, whispering in his ear.

“You didn’t kill her. The titans did.” She nuzzled his neck. “And you’re going to destroy them all, for her. So she didn’t die in vain. So none of us do.”

Slowly, Levi’s arms held her close. He gave a soft moan, almost a gasp.

“That’s what Erwin said, back then.”

“If you trusted him to say it, trust me. You gave her the best life you could have. This world’s cruel, but some people make it beautiful.” She kissed his cheek, his lips. He softly returned the kiss, slid his fingers through her hair. When they broke apart, Petra looked into his eyes. His steely gaze softened a bit as he took a piece of her hair and rubbed it between his fingers.

“Started to forget what your hair looks like in the sun,” he murmured. “So fucking beautiful.”

“After we fix this, we’ll go back up there together.” She pressed her forehead to his, fighting against tears. “We’ll stay there.”

Why was she crying from _happiness_?

Because he’d let her in. He’d given her a glimpse of what sat at the center of his heart.

“I don’t deserve this,” he muttered as he kissed her. This time, the kiss was more forceful. Hungrier. Petra returned it with equal fervor, clasping the back of his neck.

“You do. You deserve everything that you want,” she whispered. She forced him to look at her, to see the utter seriousness in her eyes. Then she kissed him again, drawing him against her body. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, his hands clasped her waist. Slowly, carefully, she stepped backwards and drew him down off the rock. Levi grunted as Petra began to sink to her knees, pulling him down with her.

“We’re gonna get these clothes dirty,” he said, a bit taken aback. Petra only responded by kissing him, and his complaints soon stopped. When she began to lie down, pulling him on top of her, he grunted and stopped. She was afraid he didn’t want to, but he yanked off his overcoat and laid it down carefully, spreading it well. He took off his cap, and followed Petra down. She lay on top of the coat, and he lay on top of her. “This okay?” he whispered. He propped himself on his elbows, and even in the semi darkness she could see his concern. His candle had long since snuffed out, and now all they had was the watery sunlight.

Petra breathed a few times, trying to stop the dizziness that came upon her when she felt Levi’s burgeoning…excitement…pressed against her. For a sinking moment, she felt nauseated. But she looked into his eyes. They were like Kenny’s, and yet the opposite. Caring where the older man’s were cruel.

“Levi, would you do something for me?” She swallowed. “Touch me.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.” She held her breath as his fingers skated down her cheek, her neck, down to her collarbone. He toyed with the top button of her shirt. Petra sat up a bit, slid out of her jacket, then lay back down and nodded. Very gently, he unbuttoned her. Petra breathed deeply as he finished and parted the shirt, revealing her stomach and breasts. Though Petra had been disappointed to lose a brassiere, she did not regret that now.

“You sure?” He looked at her again.

“If it’s too much, I’ll tell you.”

He kissed her neck, his stubble a pleasant rasp against her skin. He kissed her shoulder, and the center of her chest. His lips trailed slowly to her right breast, and his breath fanned hot on her nipple. Petra bit her lip, exhilaration and a flash of terror clashing within her.

“Petra?”

“Keep going.” She wrestled control over herself, and he did as she asked.

Petra closed her eyes as his mouth closed around her nipple. His tongue stroked her, and then he bit down lightly. She whimpered and thrust her hips against him. Levi stopped his exquisite torture, taking her breast into his mouth. While he worked, his hand slid up her stomach to cup her left breast. His thumb traced her nipple over and over, and he kneaded her breast while he licked and sucked at the other. Petra gasped, and began to murmur his name.

She felt him stop when his lips traced her stomach. His body tensed. He didn’t know where else he might be allowed to go…

Petra took his hand and slipped it between her legs. Levi moaned, grinding the heel of his palm against her. Petra thrust against his hand, wishing that she’d already shed her trousers. She gasped as that hot pinpoint of light flashed through her mind, as her body began to wind itself up for coming ecstasy.

Levi stopped, and traced his fingers down the buttons on her pants.

“Do you want it?” he asked.

Petra’s hands fumbled with the topmost button. He took over for her, slipping her pants down over her hips. She wiggled and pushed her underwear down while he slid up to lie on his hip alongside her. His left hand stroked through her hair, while his right slid between her legs. Petra groaned when he slipped a finger inside of her.

“Let me,” she murmured, reaching over to rub the bulge in his pants. To her surprise, he shook his head.

“I want to watch you,” he said. “I want to focus.”

She laid back, then, and let him work.

Petra stared into his eyes, twitching and whimpering as his finger circled her clit, as he slipped a second finger into her body. His lips hovered just over hers for a moment, their breaths intermingling. Levi kissed the point of her chin as he picked up the pace. Petra’s eyes fluttered shut. Her hips thrust harder, taking his fingers deeper. The blazing feeling began in her body; it felt as if she were sitting atop a powder keg, the fuse almost burnt out.

“Ah. Levi.”

“Look at me. Baby, open your eyes,” he grunted.

She looked up as his fingers worked, the slick noises echoing in the cave. Levi kept stroking her hair, his eyes holding her captive. No. Not captive. Safe. Kenny had degraded her with his touch; Levi’s elevated her to some higher plane.

They were together. They were safe within each other.

“Ah.” She took his face in her hands. She spoke the words. “I love you. I need you.”

His eyes widened. “Petra,” he gasped.

She was safe in his hands, and that feeling of relaxation sped her orgasm.

Petra called his name as he brought her to climax, her entire body clenching and then releasing. Levi kissed her as she came down from the high, as she lay there spent, her pants around her ankles, his hand still between her thighs. Levi finally took his fingers away, let her pull her trousers back on. He did not resist at all when she rolled onto her side and pulled him close. They kissed passionately, his hands running over her body. Her hands moved to free his erection and return the favor.

“Don’t.” He stopped her, kissed the tip of her nose. She could feel his heartbeat thudding against his chest. “After I come, I get kinda lazy. Staying on edge like this’ll keep me mean.”

“Not to me, I hope.” She grinned as she snuggled against him. There was no resistance in his body this time. He cradled her, kissing her forehead.

“No. I’m sorry, Petra. I’ve been a fucking dick.”

“We wouldn’t be in this position if I hadn’t come down here on my own.”

“Well, think of it. If I hadn’t been worrying about you, maybe I’d have found the gold, got out of here, and then who knows what the fuck Kenny would’ve done with those explosives. Maybe you coming’ll be the best thing that could’ve happened.” He kissed her tenderly, hand cupping her cheek. “And I can use a good soldier by my side. One of the best.” Petra grinned, then scowled as he said, “Though Eld would’ve been a better choice. I mean, he’s got a more level head.”

“Thank you so much,” she deadpanned.

“Or maybe Oruo. He’s got a higher kill count.”

“This is very funny.”

“Gunther’s quiet. Doesn’t even make a sound when he takes a shit.”

“Well aren’t you lucky I’ll be leaving the squad when we get back?”

“Getting huffy, Ral? I don’t like ungrateful brats.” He stopped her mouth with his, and she was happy to let him. For a moment, they laid there in each other’s arms. Petra closed her eyes; they were as close now as they’d been in Mitras, those blissful few days.

Since discovering the dynamite, Levi had loosened up. At least, as far as their relationship was concerned.

“May I ask you something?” she whispered. “If me coming here was a good thing, then you haven’t disappointed the Commander. He’d want you to stop Kenny from doing whatever he’s going to do. Right?”

“What’s your point?” He tensed slightly.

“I mean that now you can justify picking me over the gold. You don’t have to worry about that.”

When he’d said Erwin’s name this morning, Petra had inferred just what that meant. That close, almost bizarre tether between the two men…she could practically feel it herself.

Levi was so still she feared she’d made him angry.

“I hated Erwin when I first met him. He ran me down like a dog. He forced me to join the Survey Corps. Most wouldn’t like him after that. But you know what made me hate him so much it hurt?” Levi pressed her closer. “Because I just knew he was like all those MPs. Looking down on me ‘cause I was a thug piece of shit. Believing he was better. Never thinking for a second what his life could’ve been if he’d been born in my place.” He kissed her forehead. “But he fought for me. Told the others not to judge. Said I was good. Complimented me after a battle. He said he was only looking for talent; didn’t care what or who I was, who I’d been. All he’s ever wanted is to bring peace to humanity. Give us a future. And…I chose something else, when the two options were in front of my shitty face.”

“You’re afraid I’ll make you do the wrong thing?” She didn’t know how to feel about that. The burden of it…and the power…were too much.

“It’s…fuck, I’m not saying it right,” he grumbled.

“When we’re out of here, back where we belong, it’ll be easier.” She needed that to be true. She couldn’t accept anything else.

“Yeah. Yeah.” He kissed her lips, kissed her over and over until she was breathless with it. Until his stubble had scraped her cheeks, left them with a pleasant tingle. “I love you. All right? I fucking love you. This is going to work.”

He said it like an oath. Petra wound herself against him, held him tight. For the first time since she’d come down those steps into this nightmare, she knew true, bone deep relief.

Soon after, they had to go. Levi dusted off his coat several times, and Petra bid a silent goodbye to the sunlight. They made their way back out of the tunnel to find the Kestrels long gone.

Levi did not touch her as they walked. She strode by his side through the streets, as neutral as she had out in the field as his subordinate. But she could feel the distance between them shrink.

She felt bound to this man. Maybe not in the way he and Commander Erwin were united, but she believed it was a connection all its own. Special, in its way.

She couldn’t help smiling.

When they neared Arnold’s front door, she saw a few of those street urchins hanging around, waiting for Levi. When they saw him, they stopped tapping their feet or lounging in the dirt and ran over. Petra waited while he spoke with them, took a folded piece of paper from them, and handed over another coin or two. The kids then raced off, disappearing around the corner. Levi gestured, and Petra followed him into the whorehouse.

It was afternoon by now, and the clients were trickling in. Some of the women were working the floor, wearing blue and red velvet gowns, fluttering fans of peacock feathers. One of them, an older woman, had put on a bright blonde wig and drawn a dark beauty mark near her upper lip.

Petra didn’t see Julie here. She sighed in relief.

“We’ve got a few places to try,” Levi murmured as they tromped up the stairs. He held out the piece of paper. “First we go to…”

His voice trailed off as they reached the top step, which squeaked beneath their combined weight. Petra stopped when he did. Her captain stared at the door to their room like it had a mouthful of teeth.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered.

“Get out your knife and stay behind me.” His voice was cool. She did not panic. She would not. He had his blade in hand, and crept towards the door. He held up two fingers, the signal to follow right after him. Petra took a deep breath. She was ready.

Whatever they faced now, they faced together.

Levi kicked the door, practically shattering it as he sped into the room. Petra followed, instinctively checking to either side. No one.

They were all congregated near the bed.

Levi came to a halt, and Petra covered his back.

Two beefy men in fine forest green overcoats waited on either end of the bed. They were in a neutral stance, feet apart, hands clasped together, but they were armed. They looked at Petra as though she were harmless.

On the bed lay a young woman, about Petra’s own age. She was long, and blonde, and quite stunningly beautiful. She did not appear shocked at their entrance. Casually, she flipped something to Levi. It arced through the air, and he caught it. The gold coin.

Then the girl held up the bundle of dynamite, waved it back and forth.

“I prefer to receive flowers as an apology, but this does nicely.” She glanced at Petra, and blinked slowly. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Sofia, this is Petra. Petra, Sofia.” Levi didn’t elaborate on that. If he was surprised by this turn of events, he did not show it.

“Nice to meet you.” Petra couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Pleasure,” Sofia said coolly. “Now, Levi. We should all get comfortable. I think we have a lot to discuss.”


	15. Chapter 15

If Levi had been a different sort of guy, one who fretted about things, and if this had been a different situation, one without a bunch of explosives and maybe hundreds of people’s lives on the line, he might’ve been skittish about Petra meeting Sofia. But he wasn’t the type to fret, and they had more important shit to worry about right now. Petra and he sat at the table, chairs beside one another facing Sofia. She, in turn, was now sitting fully upright on the bed. The crime lord—lady—grew more somber as he talked. As Levi calmly told her the story of the previous night, her already fair skin paled further. She handed the dynamite over, jumpy as if she were giving him a spider.

“So. The Red Hand is going…much further than I could have imagined,” she said at last. “Whoever their new leader is—”

“That’s the kicker.” Levi scratched his chin, getting irritated with the stubble. “Ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?”

Sofia barked out a laugh. It sounded more desperate than amused.

“Oh, right. And I suppose titans are moving into the neighborhood as well. Kenny the…is he even real?”

“He raised me,” Levi said flatly.

“Trust us.” Petra shifted uncomfortably on her seat. “He’s very real.”

Instinctively, Levi placed a hand on her thigh and squeezed. Their eyes met briefly. For one sweet second, his burdens lifted. After seeing her in the sunlight again, his previous madness and fear about her, about this place, it had vanished. She was still his Petra. This whole detour in the underground was just a shitty start to something good.

“So.” Sofia cleared her throat. Ah, fuck. He’d shown too much of what he felt. Never a good idea. “Levi, is this the woman you told me about?”

“Yeah,” he said, terse as hell. Hoped that’d be the end of it. Of course it wasn’t.

“You told her about me?” Petra frowned. “When?”

Well, fuck. “Yesterday, when I got here.” _Please. Please stop discussing this._

“I thought…” Sofia blinked, clearly confused. “I thought you said she was above ground. In the military. So, how…”

Petra jumped in. “It’s a long story. I didn’t exactly obey his orders.”

Understatement of the fucking year.

“Sofia and I go way back.” He said it smoothly, nothing to hide. Levi wanted to get the topic off of Petra. He leveled his gaze at Sofia, hoping she wouldn’t start pulling shit.

“I’ve known Levi since I was a child. I worshipped him then,” Sofia said. Her face and voice betrayed nothing. Petra brightened, smiled at the other woman.

“I know just what you mean. I saw him when I was fifteen. He was coming back from a mission, and that was all it took to make me want to join the Survey Corps.”

“Levi, you _do_ have an effect on women,” Sofia drawled, eyeing him slyly.

“Uh. Yeah. I’m popular, I guess,” he muttered. Sofia arched a brow at Petra.

“Of course,” Sofia said to Petra, as though in confidence, “he can turn off his ‘charm’ very easily. He always scowled at me whenever I ran up to him.” She made an exaggeratedly mean face. Petra giggled.

“Yes. That’s it. When I first started on his squad, he kept coming in to my room to check how well I’d cleaned. He made me miss breakfast once so I could polish the floor the way he liked it! He’s a demon.”

“Were titans scary after meeting him?”

“Nothing’s scary once you’ve met him. Except mold. According to him, that’s more horrifying than giant man-eating monsters.”

The girls grinned at each other, and started to laugh. Well. Glad they were getting along so nicely. Levi glowered at the floor. He hadn’t _made_ Petra skip breakfast. She’d sealed her own fate when she did such a shitty job of waxing.

“If we wanna cut the tea party short—” he grumbled.

“Oh, but you love tea parties!” Petra slapped a hand across her mouth, eyes wide. Apparently all this girl time was making her bold. Levi shot her an incredulous look. She shrugged, wincing with apology. Sofia threw back her head and laughed.

“You’re nicer than I am, Petra. I would’ve made a short comment,” she said. Petra gasped in horror. All right, that was fucking it.

“ _Focus!_ ” Levi snapped. That did the trick. All the girly love in the room evaporated at once. Sofia’s bodyguards eyed him, but she didn’t give the signal to move. Instead, she pouted at him.

“Well. Lucky for you, I like her.” She nodded at Petra. “Now then. I can put my scouts onto the streets looking for the Red Hand, but with the quarantine that’ll be difficult. Do you have any ideas on how to narrow the search?”

“Ahead of you.” He held up the paper from the urchins. Sofia took it, and read the names. “Einar Schulz is my top pick. The kids say he’s a specialist in stomach wounds, he had a patient last night—they peeked through the window and saw him cleaning the blood—and if I remember right, he and Kenny did business together back in the day.”

“I can have a few of my men start making inquiries on the rest.” Sofia handed the paper off to a thug without looking. He accepted it. Levi breathed out slowly. Truth told, he’d thought this was gonna be a fucking nightmare, especially with Petra there. But Sofia had put all that personal shit aside. She was focused, ready for action.

He’d underestimated her, he realized. He hadn’t thought a girl so young could make it to the top in such a short amount of time. Thought she’d be too emotional. But Sofia was a businesswoman first and foremost. He’d been a jerk about her, maybe. He would find the time to talk to her, and maybe apologize.

“I want to head to Einar myself,” he said. Sofia nodded.

“Take off those stupid Kestrels badges. You travel with Leviathan now,” she said, standing up. Petra stood as well, but Levi made a harrumphing sound. She turned her wide, bright eyes to him. Her sweet little mouth pursed. She was looking sort of petulant.

“What is it?” she asked warily.

“I think you should stay behind,” he said. “You still need your rest after yesterday.”

Petra threw up her hands.

“Sometimes I think you want something terrible to happen. You keep trying to split us up.”

“I’m just saying you need to take care of your leg.”

“And I’m telling you that my leg is fine.”

Apparently caring about the woman you loved was a crime these days. A headache began, knotting behind his right eye. Levi could sense that Sofia and Petra were coming together in some kind of ball of righteous womanly anger. This dynamic was making her bold. No way Petra would be so flip with him otherwise. Sofia placed her hands on her hips.

“If you’re coming, then so is Petra. I’ll need someone to talk to.” She gave him an acidic smile. “You were never the strongest conversationalist.” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Fine. You ladies have at it.”

Petra took his hand, and briefly pressed her lips to his. It was a small peck, meant as reassurance, but he worried about Sofia. He’d been perhaps a bit rougher in his rejection than he should have been, but…

He didn’t want to start any shit.

“Coming?” Sofia opened the door, looking focused but calm. If she felt anything, she didn’t show it. A true professional.

They started down the stairs, Petra behind Levi, Sofia in front. As they walked, she kept talking.

“You might think about leaving this place. Apart from the hideous interior design, the Red Hand could be looking for you.”

“How’re they gonna find us?” Levi asked.

“You didn’t tell me to come to Arnold’s. You left it up to me to find you. It wasn’t _that_ hard to discover your location.” Sofia gave a soft laugh. “It was a test, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Levi had wanted to see how safe he and Petra really were here. Sofia’s easy entry had answered that nicely.

This place wasn’t the great hideaway he’d hoped it’d be.

“You’ll be safest at my own headquarters. We have plenty of room,” Sofia said.

“Thanks,” Levi said, before Petra could respond, “but Arnold’s putting us up. Matter of good manners, you know.”

He wasn’t too crazy about the fact that he’d been so easy to locate, but he was even less cozy with the idea of going deep into any large gang’s territory. Staying in a place where he could make an easy escape suited him much better. As they stepped onto the first floor, they surveyed the casino. The women were dolled up and working, the haze of cigar smoke thickening in the air. Levi heard the clack of dice in a cup, and the curses as somebody lost big. They stepped out onto the floor, pushed their way towards the exit.

And then he saw her. Levi came to a dead halt, and Petra knocked into him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Peering around him, she got the answer.

Julie was dressed in a classic little girl’s outfit, with a white pinafore, a pink dress, and knee high socks. Her hair was curled and in pigtails, and someone had painted her lips to look like a bow. She giggled as a bloated looking old man leaned down to pinch her cheek, his eyes gleaming with a sick light.

She was working the fucking floor.

“Hi, Petra!” The girl beamed to see her friend.

Commotion near the bar. Levi watched as Arnold rushed forward, looking like he’d just shit his pants. White-faced with terror, he started dragging Julie away be her arm. She looked shocked, then winced and cried out when he tugged too hard. He let her go at once, like she was fragile china.

“I, er, I told her she’s not workin’ this no more! I told her, Levi! Sh-She’s supposed to be in the kitchens, I swear. Guess she wanted to make some better money, so she got into her old outfit. No problem, I’m taking care of it. I’ll get someone to wash her face, change her clothes, and—”

Levi separated Arnold from Julie. Calmly, he twisted the man’s right hand behind his back and broke his wrist. Arnold screamed, and as he screamed Levi dislocated his shoulder, then snapped the other arm at the elbow like a fucking twig. He whirled the man around and brought Arnold’s face down twice onto the bar. Hard. Arnold gurgled, blood dripping from his mouth. He spat teeth.

Levi dragged him a few feet, then threw the bastard straight through the window. Women screamed as the glass shattered. Arnold rolled across the porch and into the dirt road. Levi stormed out, Petra and Sofia right behind. He looked down at the man, started kicking him in the stomach. Arnold vomited after the third kick. Then Levi kicked him hard in the mouth for good measure. Arnold stopped making noise after that.

Had he killed the fucker? Levi wasn’t sure. He didn’t stay to find out.

Noise on the porch behind them. Thomas was there, gaping at the chaos. Levi whistled, and Thomas jumped about five feet.

“You’re in charge now. Don’t let this fucker back in. If he’s dead, put him with the rest of the trash.”

“Y-Yes sir!” Thomas’s smile faded as he squinted at Levi. “Uh. Is that my coat?”

Levi buttoned the coat and adjusted the cap as he stalked on ahead, the women walking on either side of him. Normally, he’d expect to find horror and confusion on Petra’s face after a sight like that. Now, she slipped her arm through his and beamed like he was her hero.

A hero in her eyes. That was worth everything. Petra’s hand found his, and she squeezed. Levi’s blood coursed through his veins. Pure euphoria. That’s what beating some evil piece of shit’s ass gave him.

Maybe taking Arnold out now hadn’t been the most political idea, but Levi had warned the fucker. He’d warned him. Levi did not warn people twice.

Still…they didn’t have a place to sleep now.

“On second thought, mind if we stay with you?” he asked.

“Yes. After that little display, I think you’d better,” Sofia answered coolly.

 

No one stopped them as they made their way to the southern edge of the city. The buildings here were reduced to shacks and shanties, pieces of wood and small scraps of tin shoved together to create some kind of house. Levi winced as they entered the area. He’d been born poor, about as poor as it’s possible to be. But even he had never been this poor. This was where people came when they had no means or method to survive the underground. No skills with killing, or thieving, whoring or gambling. Vacant eyes stared from every corner as Leviathan moved through their rundown world. Levi felt Petra’s grip on him slacken, knew she was moved on instinct to go to these people. Sit with them, comfort them, give them whatever she could.

“There’s nothing we can do,” he said softly. He couldn’t help the bitterness in his voice.

“How…” Her voice trailed off.

“How what?”

“How…can the king, and the lords…how can they let people live like this?” She winced as they passed a child with no shoes and only scraps of clothing covering his body. He was covered in dirt, his hair matted with it. He leaned against a building, and looked to the dark ceiling above. His jaw was slack, his eyes out of focus. Probably hadn’t eaten in days.

_“See that?” Kenny said, pointing a beggar child out to Levi. They were heading home from the bar. Levi’d been learning how to spit from one of the guys. He felt proud. “Yah don’t ever wanna end up like that, Levi.”_

_Levi, ten years old, was way beyond caring about anyone. Pussy shit, that was. But…_

_Well, the kid looked so damn miserable…_

_“Can’t we all end up like that, Kenny? I mean, if things go wrong?”_

_Levi cursed as Kenny whacked him upside the head. He stumbled forward, seeing explosions of light._

_“Fuck you, Kenny! I was just thinkin’ out loud.”_

_“The strong never live like that. Ain’t I taught ya to be strong, if nothin’ else? Tch.” Kenny kicked Levi in the ass, and Levi whirled around and launched himself onto Kenny. Didn’t win the fight, but he managed to sink his teeth into the old bastard’s arm hard enough to draw blood. Kenny kicked him in the stomach, but seemed pleased. “Ya got fight. Wanna kill anyone that gets in yer way. That’s my gift to you, Levi.” Kenny spat. It had good distance. Levi envied that skill. “You’ll never end up beggin fer a handout. Just take what yah want.”_

_Levi cast a scornful look on the beggar kid as they walked. Yeah, Kenny was fuckin’ right. Fuck the weak._

_But…_

_Whenever he thought such things, he would remember his mother’s sad eyes. Her pitiful coughs as she lay dying in that bed._

_And a haze of red would overtake him. A hateful voice in his head would mutter, “_ Fuck that fucking whore. Got what she deserved. _”_

_After all, she’d left him alone in hell._

“Levi?” Petra whispered. He’d stopped. He fumbled in his pocket, felt the hard outline of his last coin. Bad idea, stupid idea, but…

The memory of the monstrous way he’d chosen to hate his mother spurred his actions.

Teeth gritted, he hurried over to the kid, lightly slapped the boy’s cheek as he knelt. The kid focused on him. Levi put the coin in the child’s hand, closed his fingers around it. The boy was filthy, but right now Levi didn’t mind.

“Find something to eat,” Levi muttered.

The boy only blinked.

“We need to go. We’re nearly there,” Sofia said. She sounded kind of bored with the whole thing. Well, she’d been a slum kid herself. This was an everyday sight to her. He’d gotten used to fresh air and children with full bellies. Well, at least fuller bellies than this. Levi sighed, and left the boy behind. But when he came up to Petra, she kissed his cheek.

“You’re a good man,” she said.

A good man. He’d been called Humanity’s Strongest, a hero, but he liked that particular title best.

As long as he could remain good in her eyes, useful to Erwin’s grand vision of the world, he could do whatever was necessary to survive down here.

Einar Schulz worked in the shanties because men like him didn’t want to advertise themselves too extensively. If you were a gifted surgeon, you either got absorbed by one of the big gangs, or they knocked you off so none of the competition could have you. Working for the big gangs was little better than slave labor. An underground surgeon could do well for himself if he kept quiet, and didn’t make a show about who and where he was.

Schulz’s place was crammed in between two other crappy houses. At least this street had legit buildings, no homes stitched together out of detritus. Levi knocked on the door, and Einar Schulz called to them without opening up.

“We’re closed for the day. Come back tomorrow.”

Levi looked at Sofia. “Guess we’d better come back,” he said.

“I don’t see any other option,” she replied. Levi kicked the door down. It splintered to pieces. “I mean, other than _that_.”

“Don’t move,” Levi said, stepping into the clinic. He kicked aside broken pieces of door as he rounded on Einar Schulz. Levi had very dim memories of the man from his days with Kenny. Einar was even less impressive than he’d remembered. Small, only a few inches taller than Levi, and slight as hell, with rounded shoulders and a belly that extended slightly over his pants. Round glasses perched on his nose, and he patted at his hair, which was so thin Levi could see the bony outline of the man’s scalp.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Einar whispered. Levi stepped right up to him, nose to nose. The man cowered.

“My patience is about out. It’s been a rough week. I have one simple question, and I want a simple, honest answer. You treated a patient last night, an old man with a punctured gut. I want to know where we can find him.”

“I…I don’t know what—”

Levi grabbed him by his collar and slammed the surgeon against the wall. The whole building quaked. Dust shivered from the rafters.

“I know you had a patient. You were cleaning blood only a few hours ago.” Levi glanced to the left. The single room clinic had an operating table with several lamps lit all around it. A wooden tray placed on a chair held rows of dull looking surgical instruments. A large washbasin and several ruined strips of cloth waited underneath that chair. On his nod, Petra pulled the basin out and examined it.

“The cloth’s bloody. And wet.”

“Please,” Einar whimpered. Levi slammed him again, and the man cried as his skull struck the wood. The house trembled to its very foundations this time. Not that the foundations would be strong. Levi got in Einar’s face, stared him in the eyes.

“I know you stitched up Kenny the Ripper. I know he’s with the Red Hand. I’ll bet Kenny told you if you breathed a word of it, your life’d be over. But I’ll tell you this: if you help us out, Kenny will be dead before he has time to know you betrayed him.”

_Dead_. The word sat hard in his throat like a lump. He swallowed it down.

Kenny sitting by his mattress with a drink in hand, telling him stories while Levi huddled wide-eyed and eager. Kenny ruffling Levi’s hair when the booze hit him just right.

Levi would kill that man. He had no other choice now.

For one long, strange moment, he felt himself waver at the edge of duty. Never had that happen before in his life.

“I…I can’t,” Einar whispered.

“Let’s try another method.” Sofia plucked an instrument from the wooden tray and sauntered over, waving it back and forth. A pair of pliers. Excellent for extracting fingernails. Levi had pulled a few in his life. Einar squealed as Sofia presented them. He knew what she was about. “If you don’t tell us what we want to know, we begin with your right hand.” She clacked the pliers for an extra incentive.

Petra made a muffled noise. She was looking at Levi with shock now, and pale-faced fear. Was he going to do this? Was he going to torture a man? What would she think of him then?

Levi had tortured people for information before. He was no saint. But…he’d never liked torturing. It sat wrong with him. So he put himself nose to nose with Einar, and snarled.

“You don’t wanna be in Leviathan’s shit books, pal. Give us what we want, and we’ll go away.”

“I don’t know where he is. Where the Red Hand is,” Einar squeaked.

“Pity,” Sofia said. She handed Levi the pliers, which he took. He stepped back, and Sofia’s two bodyguards stepped forward and grabbed the man. While he thrashed and shrieked, they sat him down hard on a chair and restrained him. Levi heard the blood in his ears. This was going too far and too fast for his liking. “Levi, would you like to do the honors or should I?”

“Levi,” Petra whispered. She wasn’t asking a question. She was mouthing his name like a prayer, a plea. _Don’t do this._

Levi held up the pliers in Einar’s face. The man whimpered, jerked backwards.

“Don’t make me use this.”

“I swear I don’t know!”

This was the wrong fucking answer. Levi’s gut lurched as one of the men extended Einar’s right hand. Generally, it was good to start with the thumbnail. Besides, most people who ended up talking talked after one nail. Levi probably wouldn’t have to yank all the nails off this poor bastard’s hands.

But with Petra here watching, even one would be too many.

“Give me something, then,” Levi said. He tried to let the guy see that Levi was as desperate to stop this as he was. On the surface, Levi appeared cold and calm, but he hoped his eyes spoke differently. _Don’t make me do this._

Levi put the tip of Einar’s thumbnail between the pliers. Ready to yank. Petra made another horrified noise. _This is your good man, Petra. Look at him. See him for what he is. The ends justify the means down here._

Fuck, that was how the world above worked, too. Anyone who thought otherwise was a child.

“Wait. Wait!” Einar cried. Levi stopped, his heart thudding. “They’re going to come back. Kenny needs a certain medicine so he doesn’t get an infection. I had to mix more, but he’ll send some of his guys. They should be here either late tonight or early tomorrow.”

“Which is it?” Levi asked.

“I don’t know! You don’t schedule these people!”

Well. Fair enough. Levi took the pliers away, and Einar gasped in relief. _Same_ , Levi thought.

“If no one shows,” Levi said, “I’ll tear all your nails out and cut off your tongue.”

“They will show. They will.” Einar’s balding head was dotted with sweat. Levi and Sofia shared a look, nodded.

“I’ll have my men stay here to keep you company,” she said. Einar swallowed loudly. “Don’t worry, they’ll be discreet. When Kenny’s men arrive, we’ll consider you in the clear. One of my men will tail them, find out the Red Hand’s location. Remember.” She gripped Einar’s face, digging her nails into his cheeks. “If you betray us, the cost will be worth more than your life. Much more.”

“I don’t have anything that valuable,” Einar muttered. She shoved him away and walked tall past Levi and Petra. He glanced after her with more than a little respect. Some girl, that one. Wasn’t afraid to throw her weight around.

A true survivor. Levi followed her outside.

“What about the explosives?” he asked. She didn’t turn to him.

“I’ll have a team head over to the tunnel district to keep an eye on the shipment. At the very least, Kenny won’t get to do whatever obscene thing he’s planning.”

“Good,” Levi said. She glanced at him over her shoulder.

“Thank you. I hate to think what would have happened if you hadn’t been here.” She sounded like she meant it, too. Sofia walked on, and Petra came to his side. The ice queen made way for the sunshine.

“You okay?” he asked quietly. She faced him, put her hands in his. Her beautiful eyes studied his expression, as if she were searching for something. Maybe his regret, or fear, or maybe she was looking for the seam that would identify the mask Levi wore. She’d pull it off and discover that, underneath the falsely heroic captain’s exterior, he was a true monster.

“I thought you were really going to do it,” she said.

“I didn’t want to.”

“But you would have?”

“Yes.” He would not lie to her. Petra shivered. “This isn’t me, Petra. It’s just a part I have to play. Sometimes you make hard choices in order to survive. You know that better than most.”

“I do,” she said softly.

“Soon, we’re going to be done. We’ll be back in Trost, in the fresh air. All we’ll have to worry about is titans, and Oruo pissing himself when he finds out about us.” She smiled a little at that. “I’m going to make you happy,” he said, like it was a mission. All Levi knew was that when he made this girl smile, he liked himself more than he did any other time. Even when he struck a killing blow for humanity. Even when they shouted his name in the streets, praised him. Nothing compared to her.

“You already make me happy.” She squeezed his hands, kissed his lips. “Come on. Sofia will leave us behind.”

They trailed behind Sofia, and Levi calmed his thoughts. He felt his heart slow. This was good. He had the love of his woman, and the help of a powerful ally. Soon, Kenny would be within their grasp. It was only a matter of time.

_Kenny rapped his knuckles on the kitchen table when Levi laid down a winning hand. At first, Levi hadn’t been very good at poker. But that had changed over long hours of playing with Kenny._

_“I’ll be damned.” The man nodded, scratched his chin. “Yer gettin’ better, Levi.”_

_“Pretty soon I’ll be cleaning out Leviathan’s casinos.” Levi grinned in reply._

_“That you will, that you will.” Kenny leaned back in his chair, and took a long drag on his cigar. “Got yer mother’s face. Young, innocent lookin’. Everyone’ll underestimate yah. Nobody’ll see yah comin’.”_

_Levi puffed himself up. Yeah. He’d astonish them all. He grinned as Kenny got up to grab a shot of whiskey, ruffling Levi’s hair on the way._

Levi’s stomach knotted.

He would kill Kenny very soon now.

There was now way around it.

There was no way out.


	16. Chapter 16

Petra watched Levi from the other side of the room, and worried. They’d returned to the Leviathan headquarters, and Sofia had been generous. She’d fed them a good dinner, chicken and potatoes, a real luxury for the underground. Petra’d been famished and had wanted to suck on the bones, but she’d managed to restrain herself. There’d been wine as well, and though Levi hadn’t drunk any she’d had two glasses. Maybe three. She wasn’t drunk, but she was loose. Now they’d retired to a large office, with a painting of a naked woman over a dead fireplace, a large window that looked onto a vast expanse of nothing.

Petra watched Levi speaking with a man in a green silk cravat—Sofia had said he was her top money man—and she worried for her lover. Since they’d gotten a lead on Kenny, she’d watched a secret, inscrutable thing eat at him. He would never say it. He would never show it through a gesture, an expression, even a look in the eyes. But Petra had been with him long enough and had studied his ticks and tells. She’d made a science of it. And the tightness at his eyes, the stiffness of his jaw, meant that something was weighing heavy on him.

Kenny would be theirs soon, and dead. And she wanted it, shameful as it was to admit. But Petra could not be happy when others were sad. She’d always been that way. And the thought that Levi would hurt when he killed the man who was…who’d passed for his father. Well. Even her bloodlust and hatred of the old bastard softened.

“What are you thinking?” Sofia stepped up beside Petra, and offered another glass of that good, rich wine. Petra passed with a gentle smile and shake of her head. Sofia set the wine down on a table to her right, and stared at Levi alongside Petra. “He does have the most indescribable air, doesn’t he?”

“It doesn’t seem right that someone so strong should also hurt so much.” Petra blinked; where’d that come from? She needed to be careful of her liquor.

“He was always like that. I’ve known him since I was nine years old. Back when I thought he was a giant.” Sofia laughed softly. “No one who comes from the underground is truly happy, but he was still so utterly miserable that it was…upsetting to see. Honestly, it would’ve done him good to restrain some of it.”

“His mother died.” Petra felt the strange urge to defend her captain. “His…Kenny abused him.”

Sofia looked at her kindly. “I’m sure that where you come from a bad childhood is the exception, not the rule. Here, it’s the opposite. I never knew my parents. I was running on the streets, foraging for myself from the time I was five years old. Since I didn’t have any extraordinary physical abilities, many people decided my future lay in a whorehouse. I stayed out of them until Levi left—he helped me squeeze by. But when he was gone?” A small shrug. “I did my time in them.”

“How old were you?” Petra was horrified.

“I started at fourteen, left at sixteen.” Sofia said it with casual ease. “I learned a great deal about money and men. But my one saving grace was not between my legs, as it turned out. I’d always known I was smart. I strategized, and soon I’d kicked out the man who owned the whorehouse and made it my own. From there, it was only a matter of time until I caught the attention of Leviathan. They brought me in as an associate. Eighteen months later, I’d ascended to the top.”

“You’re incredible.” Petra couldn’t help the tears blurring her vision. “But I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” Sofia looked askance at her, as if surprised. It was like shocking one of the three goddesses, such a serene beauty reduced to a regular human emotion. Sofia glanced at the door. “Want some fresh air? Down the hall, there’s a room with a balcony.”

Petra cast a last look at Levi, still with a furrowed brow and deep in conversation. He would be fine here, of course. She didn’t think he’d fret about her while they were with Leviathan. Then she followed Sofia, trailing the tall, blonde woman until they came to that door, and that balcony. They stood outside, the cavern ceiling still dark as pitch. The lamplighters had begun turning the gas lamps low, so that the shadowy streets warped like a feverish dream. This was no scenic view.

“When we saw those slums today, I couldn’t understand.” Petra swallowed, felt sheepish. “Why would the king allow such poverty? I mean, I know that there will always be some people who have more than others, but…how can we call ourselves civilized if we let children suffer like that?”

“The world of the king and the nobles is an unjust one,” Sofia said dryly. She glanced at the ceiling. “They think they rule by some kind of divine right, which means that whatever they decide for the lowest among us is wise and good. They think that if we’re stuck down here, it’s because we deserve to be.” Her words turned bitter. Her beautiful mouth turned down in a scowl. “And then, look. One day a thug, a criminal, a piece of underworld scum who steals and murders comes into their world and proves himself to be the strongest man alive. He gives the whole of humanity a hope they never had before. And does the king feel that maybe he was wrong? Maybe they should be helping the people down here, scouting for talent, giving them opportunities to live better and prove themselves? No. No, they let that one thug be Humanity’s Strongest and say to themselves ‘well, he escaped his upbringing because we turned him into a good man.’”

“He’s always been a good man,” Petra said, gripping the railing tight. Her eyes narrowed. Sofia was absolutely correct. Levi had looked out for those who couldn’t look out for themselves down here. Even at his most selfish, he’d rescued a little girl from the streets and given her a home. And all of the nobles and the Military Police treated him as either a freak or an outlier.

“Petra. Do you know about the leviathan?” Sofia turned to her, looking curious.

“Your gang?”

“No, the mythological creature. I read about it when I was a child, in a book that found its way into the underground. Cost me only a copper. The Leviathan is a monstrous serpent that’s rumored to live in deep waters.”

“Like a lake?” Petra asked. Sofia shrugged.

“This book said something about a “sea”, though I imagine it’s a metaphor for something. Anyway, the Leviathan is an enormous, lethal monster. And one day it will rise up out of the depths, and on that day it will open its mouth and devour all of those who are damned and evil.” Sofia heaved a sigh as she looked again to the ceiling. “I don’t know who originally named this gang, but they must have pictured this unit as something truly awesome and terrifying. And look what we do now.” She rubbed her eyes. “We run whores and count cards for money.”

Petra felt a tug of sympathy.

“Maybe when Kenny’s dead and the Red Hand gone, you can take control of the underground and make it better.”

Sofia looked at her quizzically. “You think?”

Petra beamed. “Why not? The king and the Military Police won’t do anything to help. But you have enough power, don’t you? No one could stop you if you really tried.”

Sofia went very still as she looked at Petra. “You believe that?”

Petra blushed. “I know that I don’t, well, know this place. I’ve discovered how little I know very quickly in the time I’ve been here. But there has to be hope, or what’s the point?” She looked at the street below, where a couple of drunk men were staggering either to or from a bar. “It’s why I wanted to go fight titans. I’ve always understood that I could die during any expedition. I probably won’t be alive to see the end of the war against them. But if I can do my part, that’ll be enough.”

“You’re…you’re so kind.” Sofia sounded mildly shocked.

“Only because the captain…because Levi helped me to be.”

“You love him, don’t you?” Petra could not read Sofia’s tone. Half wistful, half sad.

“Yes. I do.” A pause, and the wine gave her courage to ask. “Did…do you love him, too?”

“No,” Sofia said too quickly. She ran a hand down her face. “I mean, I did. Once. When I was a child. And when I saw him again yesterday, the old feelings might have flared up. Maybe they’re still there,” she muttered. “Does that make you hate me?”

“No. I understand.” Petra knew how it felt to love when she believed there was no hope. Her heart broke for anyone who experienced that pain.

“He can’t love me back. And now that I’ve met you, I see why.” Sofia touched Petra gently on the arm. Warmth surged through her, and Petra snatched Sofia’s hand.

“You could come with us. When this is all done, I know Commander Erwin would speak for you to the MPs. You could live above ground.”

Sofia laughed. “Levi said something similar yesterday.” Gently, she disengaged. “No. My place is with the people down here. The ones the powerful forgot.” She closed her eyes. “Either we all go up, or none of us do.”

“You will,” Petra said softly.

“Oh, I know we will.” Sofia smiled. “Come on. I get the feeling Klein will talk Levi into a stupor. You know how he is with conversation.”

Laughing, the two girls went back to the office. As they walked, Petra snuck glances at Sofia. The girl was beautiful, proud, strong, and brilliant. For a moment, Petra almost thought that Levi had made a mistake in his choice of woman.

 

“You and Sofia had a pretty good talk,” he said after they’d been shown to their room. It was luxurious, with a feather bed and plenty of space. Petra closed the curtains as Levi sat at the bed’s foot, taking off his boots. He placed them neatly, then unbuttoned his vest and hung it on the back of a chair. Petra’s shirt was untucked, her feet bare. She walked over to Levi, stood right in front of him. He gazed up at her. His upturned, steely eyes never failed to thrill her. His stubble was dark, nice and even, not patchy. Petra traced a fingertip along his cheek, enjoyed the sandpaper feel.

“I really like her. I can’t believe you said you didn’t have a friend in the underground when she was here all the time.”

Levi grunted, shifted on the bed, looked away. “Eh. We had…a difference of opinion yesterday.”

“When she made a pass at you?”

He didn’t startle, but his gaze swung back to hers. Incredulous, he said, “She told you that?”

Petra blushed. “She said her old feelings for you flared up yesterday. I guessed.”

“Petra, I didn’t—”

“I know.” She ran fingers through his silky black hair, laid a hand against the back of his head. The short hairs of his undercut bristled against her palm. Levi sighed, and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her close, nestled his face against her stomach. Petra closed her eyes, and felt a single, delicious line of heat run straight through her body. It pooled in her gut, went lower. Yes. She could have cried with relief. She wanted him, desperately.

She’d been so afraid Kenny had ruined her.

“Mmm.” Levi kissed her stomach, peered up at her. She cradled his face in her hands. Petra giggled a little at the feel of his stubble; it tickled a bit. “Better get ready to say goodbye to this, brat.” He leaned back, rubbed his chin. “This is coming off right now.”

“Tomorrow. Please?” Petra leaned in, and brushed her lips against his. The space between her legs grew warm, and heavy. “I like the way it feels on my skin,” she whispered.

“Really?” he grunted. He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a longer kiss. When Petra felt as though she’d no breath left, he let her go. She sank to her knees in front of him. Reaching up, she undid his cravat with a few tugs and pulled it off slowly. Something sparked in Levi’s eyes as she folded it up and laid it with his boots. Then she loosened the first button on his shirt, and the second. Petra’s mouth practically watered when she saw the faint dusting of dark hair on his chest. Soon. Soon she’d have him naked, and—

“Wait.” He took her hands gently, brought them to his lips. His eyes were wary. “I don’t want you to move too fast. I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“I want to.”

“Petra. That bastard put you through pure fucking trauma. I’m not going to get pissy if you need some time to recover.”

She smiled. How could such a surly man be so sweet? She kissed the tip of his nose, a gesture that seemed to bewilder him. Petra laughed, then laid his hands on her waist.

“The difference is, I _want_ you to get a little rough with me,” she breathed. His strong, callused hands gripped her tightly. She could see his wrists and part of his forearm cord with muscle.

“I…” He swallowed. “You sure you want that?”

“It’s the only way to drive him out.” She sat up on her knees, and tugged at his shirt again. “And I want you to relax. You’ve been stretched thin the last couple of days.”

“Well. With the gold, and you, and Kenny, and Sofia, and the fucking dynamite—”

She stopped his mouth with a kiss. Beneath her hands, she felt him relax as she lightly nipped at his lower lip. Levi groaned softly as he ran his hands down her back.

“For tonight, I want us to pretend.” She peppered kisses to his ear, bit his lobe, and whispered. “If you were still a thug, and I was just your girl. What would it be like?”

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he murmured. He kissed her forehead, then sat back on the bed. His head lolled as he gazed at her. With his shirt partly undone, he looked as loose as she’d ever seen him. It was an attractive sight. Gritting his teeth, he hissed out a breath. “I’d… This whole room would be yours.”

“Mmm-hmm?” She continued unbuttoning him, revealing the sculpted plane of his chest, his abs. She kissed and licked up his stomach, Levi shuddering beneath the touch of her tongue. Petra moaned as she kissed his chest, found and sucked at his nipple until it peaked, bit at it. Wanting spread over her like a wildfire. She could have cried with the happiness of it all. She needed to explore all of his body again, cherish it, play with it. Every lick, every kiss was healing her as much as it was him. “What else?”

“Oh, you damn brat.” His voice sounded tight. “I’d keep you here. You’d do what I told you. Wear what I told you to wear. If I wanted you naked and in bed all day, waiting on me, you’d do it. Whenever I came home, you’d—keep doing that, oh _fuck_. Ah, you’d do everything for my pleasure.”

It was rather like what Kenny had wanted from her, but now Petra desired this pretend reality every bit as much.

“Yes,” she sighed, trailing her hands and lips down his body until she found and fumbled with his belt. As Levi’s body tensed, she unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down. His erection sprang free, hard and hot to the touch. She cupped his balls reverently, ran her fingers through the thatch of hair. Then she pumped him a few times with her hand, looking up to judge her success. His eyes were closed, a V between his brows. His mouth hung open, and he started to gasp.

“Ah. Ah! Petra, _fuck_.”

“Whatever you say.” She kissed the tip of his cock, and took it into her mouth. As she bobbed her head, sucking him, stroking him with her tongue, listening to his moans, she felt centered within herself. They were all right, even here in hell. So long as they could take refuge in each other, the Kennys of the world could do what they liked. Petra was Levi’s, and he was hers. That was all she needed to thrive.

His hips began to thrust, and she took him to the back of her throat. She was prepared for him to come, but he stopped her with his hands.

“No more, baby.” His voice was hoarse with need. “You do what I say. And I say get on the bed.”

She obeyed him, sitting where he’d sat. She allowed him to strip her naked, until she was entirely bare before him. Levi leaned forward and kissed her, then began a slow, teasing line of kisses down her body. Petra gasped, and writhed. It was such an odd cluster of sensations: the wet of his tongue, the softness of his lips, and then the rasp of his stubble. She quivered as he went lower, scraping against the sensitive skin of her abdomen. Petra bit her lip, and clutched at the bedspread when Levi began to kiss up the inside of her thigh. Her eyes snapped open, and she gasped when she felt his breath on her sex. He’d never done this before.

“Are you sure?” she whispered. He was so fastidious, after all, and might find this part of her unclean.

“You don’t question me tonight,” he said. Petra moaned as he kissed her, then flicked his tongue across that sensitive little bud between her thighs. She trembled as his tongue slipped inside of her, as he continued to kiss and suck and lick her right there…right in the perfect spot…

“You’re amazing,” she said over and over. It felt like she was losing her mind. Her body bucked, but he held her firm and lavished attention upon that one ecstatic spot. She clenched her thighs. Her end was near. “Ah. Ah! Levi!” Her head tilted back, she was right on the cusp—

And he stopped. He let her go and stood over her, carefully wiping her from his lips. Petra gasped, groaned in frustration. “I was nearly there!” she cried. Her whole body was vibrating with need. Her clit was throbbing, sore with unspent energy. She slipped her hand between her legs, ready to end it. But Levi grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head. He fell against her, and Petra felt his erection right at her sex.

“And if you were mine, and you ever disobeyed me,” he growled, kissing her hard. “I would punish the shit out of you.”

He climbed up the bed, dragging her with him. Petra cried out as he flipped her onto her stomach, pinning her down with a hand across her back. She breathed slowly as his other hand cupped her ass. He sank his fingers into her flesh. It hurt wonderfully.

“What are you going to do?” she whimpered, nearly out of her mind with ecstasy when he pulled her hair. Her eyes watered. She lay there, giving herself entirely to his control.

“You liked being spanked, didn’t you?” he growled in her ear.

“Yes. But you didn’t go hard enough,” she moaned.

“Tch. Ungrateful brat.” He brought his hand back. “How’s _this_?”

He slapped her hard, her ass stinging with the impact of his palm. Petra gave a cry, half out of her mind as he slapped her again. And again. And again. Every time he did, there was the half second of horrible pain and the tingling release of pleasure right after. Her eyes rolled as he spanked her, and she whimpered into the blankets. Six. Seven. Eight.

On the tenth smack, Petra’s body couldn’t take any more. The orgasm he’d left unspent between her legs finally detonated, and she came while screaming his name into the bedspread. Her legs felt heavy, her body shook as he parted her thighs. She felt him nudge himself between them, preparing to take her from behind.

“I. Don’t. Have. Any protection,” Petra gasped, trying to think straight. “You have to pull out.”

He grunted, and thrust deep inside of her. Petra arched her back and moaned as he began to fuck her hard. The frantic, wet slaps of their sex were loud in the room. He pressed her face into the bed, his hand buried in her hair. Petra let him use her body, gave herself up to him. She’d never been so free. Levi leaned over her, his chest touching her back as they fucked.

“You’re mine. My girl. You belong to me,” he whispered. He picked up the pace, his cock starting to hit in just the right place to make her see stars again. Petra’s breasts rubbed against the bedspread in time with his thrusts, her skin so wonderfully sensitive that the lightest tug of her nipple and she’d come again.

“You’re a thug,” she whispered. “You’re so dangerous.”

“And you like that. Don’t you?” he snarled.

“Yes.” It came out like a sigh. He thrust so deep he struck her cervix. Petra shivered.

“I _am_ a fucking thug. I’m a murdering piece of shit. And your whole purpose is to make me happy.” He brushed back her hair and bit her on the nape of her neck. Petra shrieked, loving every second.

“All you have to do,” she groaned, “is fuck me.”

“That’s all we do. We steal, we fight, and we fuck.” He gave a sharp cry as he slammed into her as deep as he could go. Petra gave shallow gasps, clawing at the bedspread as the heat and pressure built between her legs again. “You’re mine. Say it.”

“I’m yours. I’m only yours. I only want you. I only want your cock in me. I—” The orgasm hit, sweeping her along in a great wave. Petra cried out, her pussy clenching tight around him as he rode her through the climax. Spent, she lay gasping beneath him. Levi pulled out of her, and she was ready to feel him come on her back. But he flipped her over again. Petra lay there staring up at him. Sweat ran down her cheek, and her breasts were glistening as well. Levi breathed heavily as he surveyed her, his cock still erect and wet. Then he fell upon her, pushing her leg up for easier access as he slid inside her again.

But this time, he was not rough. He moved in and out of her gently, staring into her eyes all the while. The cold madness she’d seen earlier disappeared, replaced by a kind of relief. He kissed her, and she tasted herself on his lips.

“Oh. Thank fuck,” he breathed in her ear, falling upon her entirely and pressing their bodies tight together while he made love to her. Petra ran her hands along his back, tasted the sweat on his shoulder. They were joined so tightly now. She wrapped her legs around his waist. She thrust against him. They moved as one. “I’m here,” he murmured, and she didn't think he was talking to her. He was in some blissful, almost delirious dialogue with himself. “Safe.”

She held him close. Levi was a man who provided shelter for everyone around him. His strength and his courage lent his comrades the ability to carry on. But he had no refuge himself. The strongest man could not be matched, and that meant he could not lean on anyone else. Perhaps inside of her he could be protected. Safe. Hidden from the horrors of the world. No other man’s body could compete with his, but her woman’s body brought him down with absolute ease. He lived at her mercy as much as she lived at his. Petra kissed his neck.

“Stay with me, Levi. I’ll always hold you.”

That broke him, left him shuddering on top of her. Quickly he pulled out, his sweat dripping from the tips of his hair, his eyes wild. He stroked himself only a couple of times before he came on her stomach. Petra closed her eyes, felt the warm splatter of it. She lay there in darkness as she listened to his gasps. She felt him get off the bed, heard the splash of water, and finally opened her eyes when he was wiping her down with a damp cloth.

“Don’t want to make a mess,” he said, sounding gruff yet strangely shy. “Sorry.”

She stretched, luxuriating in the way her body tingled in the aftermath. “I think that was the best it’s ever been,” she said.

“Oh?” His face remained neutral, as always, but she caught the tick at the corner of his mouth. He was pleased. “Well, at least we’ve got that right.”

She pulled him down into a kiss. “I think we’ve got a lot more than that.”

He inhaled sharply. “You mess my head up, kid.”

She grinned. “Good.”

After they’d cleaned up, they got under the blankets and blew out the lamps. They lay in the utter darkness of the underground, feeling about as secure as they ever could in such a place. Petra lay against him, her leg hooked over his, her fingers playing with the hair on his chest. Levi bundled her against him and kissed her forehead, then her lips.

It was as if they were back at the inn in Mitras, the nightmare of the underground still to come. Petra’s throat closed, and she blinked back tears.

“For a second,” Levi said slowly, “I wanted it to be real. The whole thug thing. I remember before Erwin found me, my life was shit in a lot of ways. But the one thing I had was freedom. Not the real kind, but…I did what I wanted when I wanted it. That selfishness died when I joined the Corps. My life’s better in every way, but… I imagined what it’d be like to have nothing to worry about except making the next score, and coming back to you. Everything just felt so simple.”

Petra kissed his neck. “When we get back to Trost, we could try to have it both ways. When we’re on duty, or patrol, we’re just soldiers. But when we’re alone, we can leave everything else outside. Then it’s just us.” She nestled closer against him. “Do you think that could work?”

“Yeah. I do. Because if it doesn’t, I’ll be fucking furious.”

She giggled. “You’re always furious. Deep down.”

He was quiet a minute. “Is that how you see me?”

The plaintive, remorseful note in his voice struck her. She’d never heard him like that before.

“It was a joke,” she whispered. Then, “Mostly.”

“Tch. Brat.”

But he kissed her again, his lips all the reassurance she needed.

 

Petra woke in the morning—at least she thought it was morning, being down here felt like an endless night—and found Levi shaving. She stretched and lay happily in bed, watching the toned muscles of his back. He was wearing his trousers, at least. Sadly. He finished, laid down the razor, and toweled off his face. She cleared her throat, and he turned.

“You being lazy, Ral? Why aren’t you up?”

“I thought you said you wanted me naked and in bed for you?” She batted her eyes, all innocence. He smirked.

“Nothing I’d like better, but we have a job to do first. Come on. Up.”

“You’re so romantic in the morning.” She sighed, and sat up. The sheets slipped down from her body, putting her breasts on display. She made an exaggerated show of stretching and yawning, feeling his intent gaze all the while. “Mmm.” Petra flopped back onto the mattress. “I like watching you shave. It feels so intimate.”

“More intimate than fucking your brains out yesterday?” His eyes remained fixated on her breasts. He was the Strongest, but he was also a man. Grinning, Petra gazed at him as she slipped a hand under the blankets and touched herself. Her soft gasps brought him right over. “What’re you doing? I told you to get up,” he said, but he did not sound so strict now.

“I can’t help what I need. You can either let me finish,” she said, picking up the pace, “or you can lend me a hand.”

“You insolent brat.” He looked awestruck as he sat down on the bed, leaned over her, and kissed her deeply. Petra smiled against his lips as he reached down to—

A knock came at the door. They pulled apart regretfully, and Levi slung on his shirt and answered.

“Yeah?” He buttoned fast. A gruff man’s voice spoke.

“Boss wants you both ready to go in fifteen. She’ll send some breakfast, but you gotta hurry.” Petra sat up, her heart racing as she heard his next words. “They know where Kenny is.”

Levi glanced over at her, his mouth a hard, firm line, his eyes dead. She nodded.

It was time.


	17. Chapter 17

He didn’t need the sun in this fucking hellhole; _she_ was the sun. His sun. As Levi walked with Petra by his side, he forced himself not to steal glances at the girl he loved. Fuck, he loved her. He loved her as deeply as he’d ever thought it was possible to love anything. Maybe deeper even than that.

And god, but it terrified him.

Lying in that bed last night, her naked and asleep in his arms as if they were still languishing in those first few perfect hours of their new relationship, he’d breathed more fully than he had since opening that briefcase and finding those calling cards from Kenny. He’d nosed at the top of her head, thrilled as she murmured sweetly in her sleep. Levi could have slept just fine after the sex, but he’d wanted to stay awake holding her. The way her body lined up perfectly against his, the creamy feel of her leg hooked over his leg; the little sighs she gave as she settled into some tranquil dream; he’d been in paradise. For years, he’d lusted after her. He’d liked her, too, as a person. Put that together and yeah, it’d been love. But talking to her openly, fucking her freely, arguing and making up had brought a whole new dimension to this beautiful, terrifying thing they were doing. She was more than his fantasy now, more than his subordinate. He could never put her back into place behind him.

They had not been equals before. She’d been his secret desire, one he could never act on. But now they were equals in spirit and passion. She would fight when he tried to nudge her out, and she would comfort him in his pain. He would protect her with his life, give her all the tenderness he could wring out of his lithe body and his awkward words. He had not known how desperately he could fall in love. Looking at her now wasn’t just desire, or fondness. It was longing, even when they were next to each other. Longing to always have her near like this, to always hear his name on her lips in bed at night.

The only other person he’d ever felt this insatiable need to be close to was Erwin. But when Levi thought of his relationship to the Commander, he got the strange flash of an image of him kneeling before Erwin, kneeling in reverence even as he told a crude joke and heard the tall man laugh. With Petra, he wanted to bundle her onto his lap and hold her tight.

Two different positions. Two different passions. But the burning love he felt was the same.

And he almost didn’t want it. Too confusing. Maybe he looked like he didn’t give a shit about anything around him, but how was he supposed to hold this much love and stay sane? They wouldn’t be able to see the moment he broke under its weight. He’d never show it.

“Are you all right?” Petra broke him from his reverie, blinking at him with gentle concern. “You look…upset.”

“Nothing.” Without stopping their walk, he took her hand and kissed it. She grinned. “Just want to get this over with.”

“Me, too.” She cast down her eyes, withdrawing inside herself. Maybe thinking of Kenny, his hands on her. Levi shut his eyes briefly. He would remember that, remember what that bastard had done to Petra if he ever felt the slightest inclination to mercy.

“We stop the Red Hand. We get the gold. We go home.”

“Home.” She said it with weary reverence. “Yes. We will.” Then, more slyly, “You’re not going to try forcing me to stay behind this time, are you?”

Levi snorted. “No. You’re too stubborn, Ral. Always have been.”

“Well.” She laced her fingers through his briefly, gave his hand a squeeze. “I learned from the best.”

Ah, fuck. He would never stop loving her, would he? This wasn’t the kind of emotion you could fall in and out of. He was trapped for life.

Even if her life ended today, he would carry his love for her until his last breath. And it would hurt like fucking hell. It would well in his chest like water with nowhere to go, the pressure building until he ruptured inside. But it would not stop until he was cold in the ground.

He had placed a loaded gun in her delicate hand, put it against his temple. If she died, or left him, she would pull that trigger and end the part of him capable of feeling.

_Don’t think about that now. You have a job to do._

Right. So Levi squeezed her hand in return, put the worrying aside, and walked into the office where Sofia and her guys were waiting. Sofia was dressed conservatively in a high-collared blouse and black jacket. Her pale blonde hair was tied in a bun. She smiled warmly as Petra and he entered. She looked genuinely pleased to see them, especially Petra. And here he’d been anticipating some girly cat fight. Maybe he was more of a dick than he knew.

“All right. Here’s what we’ve got.” She spread a map of the underground across the desk as Petra and Levi took their places beside her. Levi kept his hand on the small of Petra’s back, as if to remind himself she was real. She leaned into him. That felt good. Sofia, meanwhile, circled a location on the map with a pencil. “They took a defensive position across from the pits.”

Fuck. It was gonna stink to hell and back. Levi wrinkled his nose.

“Like…the pits where they dump dead bodies?” Petra’s voice quavered. Sofia sighed and nodded.

“I must say, it’s a good tactical move. No one would want to check for them there. The base is located on the far end of the pit, tucked up against the cave wall with an overhang of stalactites. Once you’re under the ridge of stalactites it’ll be easier to maneuver with ODM, but they’re sure to have lookout. They’ll see us before we see them, and they’ll take full advantage. Even if we get past the natural defensive wall, the positioning will be dark and tight. In some places we’ll be flying blind. So.” Sofia handed Levi the pencil. “Tell us what to do.”

He blinked. “Huh?”

“You know Kenny better than any of us ever will,” she said quietly. “If he’s half as dangerous as people say, we’ll need your guidance.”

“Believe me. He’s twice as dangerous as they say.” Levi stood over the map, tracing the pit, thinking of his mother’s bones moldering somewhere down in that disgusting blackness. “But we got an advantage. He’s injured, and hiding out in such a shithole means he doesn’t want to have to fight. He wouldn’t choose it otherwise; the stink’ll be enough to kill most men. But he wants to hide and regain his strength.”

Levi thought, tapping the pencil rhythmically against the desk. How. How to get one over on Kenny? He thought of Kenny teaching him how to hold a knife properly, how to drink ale without puking, how to lurch out of the darkness to stab a man before fading back into the shadows, blending back in with the crowd.

Blending in…

Well. Shit.

“I got an idea on how to get a few of us in to take out the guards. I’ll need a couple of your best guys, Sofia, plus you and Petra. Me as well. But I should warn you.” He shuddered just thinking of it. “It’s gonna smell horrible.”

When he explained the plan, Sofia made a hurking noise and Petra squeezed her eyes shut.

“Is he always this creative?” Sofia muttered.

“Only when it involves something disgusting.” Petra sighed.

“This is the only way I can see us neutralizing the threat without losing half your men. It’s up to you,” he said, trying not to sound pissed.

“I’m sorry,” Petra said softly. She looked at him with those wide, perfect eyes. “I’ll follow any orders you give, Captain.”

Well. Fuck, he couldn’t stay mad at that.

“I’ll follow as well, Levi. I think it makes sense,” Sofia said. She picked out two or three of her burliest looking men. “Everyone who’s not on the, er, special team, go downstairs and prepare a wagon. No flashy clothes; look mournful. As for the rest of us…” She winced. “We must make our special preparations.”

As they all headed out of the room, Levi lagged behind.

“Petra, you go with them. I need to talk to Sofia,” he said. Sofia looked surprised, but Petra only smiled.

“Of course.” She went on her way. No jealousy, no suspicion. She trusted him implicitly.

“What is it?” Sofia frowned.

“Couple things. First, the explosives. Your guys still watching the cavern?” She nodded. “Heard from them?”

“No, but one of my scouts saw them at the cave. Everything’s secure. Why?”

“Those crates were stolen from a factory up topside. The MPs have been looking for them. When this is over and the quarantine lifts, I want your word that you’ll help us transfer them to the authorities. I don’t want that shit in the underground. Too dangerous.”

“Of course. It’d be madness to have them where all of these addicts and murderers could get access.” She folded her arms. “And the second thing?”

Levi dug his hands into his coat pockets. This part had never come naturally to him.

“Look. When I was here the first night, I might’ve, y’know, been a little too rough. I shoved you away, and I shouldn’t have done that. Any man’d be lucky to have you.” Fuck, was it getting warm in here? He almost said the words ‘I probably would fuck you if it weren’t for Petra’ but that felt a little dishonest and also really weird. So he said, “You could be a queen anywhere. If you came up with us, you’d be ruling the walls in no time. And I, er, didn’t respect you like I ought. I was judging you like those fuckers upstairs used to judge me. But you’re better than I was. So. Sorry.”

She was so still she could’ve doubled as a statue. Then, slowly, she smiled.

“Well. Perhaps I came on a bit too strong. But now I’ve seen your Petra, I don’t blame your refusal. She’s very special.” Sofia seemed genuinely puzzled. “I can tell she’s seen her share of pain, but it hasn’t hardened her.”

“Yeah. She’s like a titan slaying angel.” Huh, that sounded kind of good, actually.

“You have good taste. Well, come on then.” Sofia headed towards the door. “Whatever Kenny wants with thirty-seven crates of dynamite, he’s not going to get to do it. Poor, sad man.”

Levi kept standing there, looking at the wall. Sofia turned.

“Levi? Are you coming?”

“Mmm.” He followed her out and down the stairs. And as he made his final preparations for the operation, Petra and Sofia and the rest of Leviathan moving exactly as he wanted them to, he reflected on what he was about to do. He thought of meeting Kenny’s direct gaze once more.

He was going to take down this villain.

***

Tch. Kenny tried rolling onto his right side, but that shit just sent a line of jagged pain all the way down his left. Fuck, but that midget had got him good. Heh. And hadn’t Kenny taught him well? To think the little bastard used to do nothing but suck his thumb and hug his knees in a corner. Kenny’d made a man of him.

But he’d maybe trained him a little too well. He cursed as he tried pulling himself up the bed to rest against the headboard. Fuck, a few inches deeper and Kenny might not have made it at all. That prick of a surgeon had fussed and fretted like an old woman. Kenny looked to the table at his bedside. The bottle of medicine was already nearly used up. His vision wavered a bit. Doc said not to take too much, but it helped with his pain. And also with the rank smell in this shit hideaway.

The door creaked open. Traute entered, looking as cool as if Kenny just had his boots up for an afternoon nap.

“Captain. Everything all right?” she asked.

“Yeah, this is as much fun as getting my dick sucked by a firm-titted brunette.” He glared at her. “Guards posted?”

“Yes, sir. And the gold’s stored. We’re anticipating the quarantine to lift tomorrow or the day after. No later.”

“Tch. Good. I got business on the surface that can’t wait.”

“Yes, sir.” Traute was probably thinking the way he was, back to all those crates in the cavern. Kenny grunted, took up the bottle and had another swig of the medicine. “Captain, the doctor said—”

“Trauta, ya got two choices fer that mouth. Either yah shut up, or yah suck my—”

“Please don’t forget, Captain, that I have a knife.”

Neither meant what they were saying. It was old banter between them. Traute was a good pal, even if she was a dumbass.

“Go keep watch.”

She left him, and Kenny fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. He managed to peel it off without upsetting the stitches, and laid there in his undershirt and pants. He breathed deeply, trying to cool the pain, and stared past his bare feet to the door beyond. Levi’d really done a number on him, that little bastard.

Pride of his life.

One day, when the Survey Corps had come riding into Mitras for a meeting with the MPs, Kenny had watched amidst a cheering crowd to see the soldiers riding up. Even after the Ackerman feud had lifted, he’d still kept to the shadows. But he’d braved the sunlight and the cheering idiots to see Levi up there on that horse.

When the crowds caught sight of his nephew, they’d gone wild. Women threw flowers into the air, children cheered atop their parents’ shoulders. Kenny heard some young girl clutch at a friend and whisper, “They say he’s so _strong_.”

There he’d been, Kenny’s boy, and he’d looked past all the adoring people with a sneer and a level gaze. Didn’t matter he was still a shrimp—what a man he’d become. Kenny had seen his sister in Levi’s face, but the boy’s personality had come about from all Kenny’s shaping and molding. None of Kuchel left in that boy, least none that Kenny could see.

Levi would never die in a dark room with no one to give a shit.

No. He’d be loved from a distance, and feared from up close. The perfect way to live.

Kenny yawned, scratched his beard. Fuck, this medicine was making him dizzy.

He tugged at the jeweled ring he’d placed on his forefinger—a high ranking gang leader had to look the thuggish part—but it wouldn’t come off. Fuck, whatever. He was too lazy to move much, anyway. He leaned back and stared at the door again, his eyes slowly dropping shut.

“Oi. Anyone in the damn hallway?” He needed a fucking drink. A little whiskey ought to shake off the drugs. Yeah, that’s how it worked, and if it didn’t work that way he’d _make_ it work. There was no answer. Kenny groaned. “Oi. Oi! Whoever hears this and isn’t comin’, I’m gonna stuff yer skull fulla shit.”

Then the door in front of him opened. Kenny grunted.

“’Bout time. How—”

He froze, because Kuchel was standing in front of him.

Kenny had been four years older than his baby sister, and soon after she was born he’d realized that she was not like him. For starters, she didn’t look like an Ackerman. From what Kenny’d seen of his father, his grandfather, and a couple of cousins, the Ackermans all sort of looked alike: square jaws, high, pronounced cheekbones, fair hair and skin that tanned easily. Kuchel was pale as the moon, with a thatch of jet black hair. Her face was slight, her chin pointed. Her eyes were a soft gray blue, not the customary color of the sky.

“Sure she’s yours?” he’d asked his father, already wary of women. His mother had slapped his cheek, but not too hard. “Ow! She don’t look like us.”

“She looks like my grandfather,” his dad said patiently. “Your Grandpa used to call them the Dark Ackermans.”

“What’s special ‘bout that?” Kenny hadn’t ever liked feeling like he wasn’t the special one. He glared at Kuchel.

“He said they were quieter than the others. More watchful. But that made them more deadly, because they understood how other people felt.”

Well, fuck _that_. Kenny felt a little better. Who gave a shit what other people felt? What mattered was having fun.

As Kuchel had grown older, she hadn’t wanted to roughhouse. Kenny had hoped she’d be a real Ackerman—a warrior, like his dad said—and want to learn how to box and kick. But she wanted only to play with her dolls, singing little songs to them. She was so small and beautiful, so cheerful and sweet. He’d never seen anyone like her. She enthralled him, so he wanted to hurt her. That was how Kenny dealt with things he liked.

First, he started breaking her doll’s arms, which made her cry and made him feel good. Then he started twisting her own arms behind her back, enjoying it when she wailed and cried and begged him to get off.

“Just try fightin’ back,” he told her, “and I’ll stop.”

But she would never fight. Kuchel would simply weep and ask for someone to help her. That passivity enraged Kenny. That day, he broke his little sister’s arm in two places.

After that, he got locked in his room for a long time. His mother finally let him out after two weeks because he wouldn’t stop hollering. He’d been eight at the time. His father began teaching him how to be strong without hurting people, but his mother… From that time on, there was a coldness about her. She never really hugged him properly again. In fact, she seemed unhappy whenever he came home.

_There’s something wrong with him,_ she told his father. _He was born cruel._

Hadn’t hurt Kenny’s feelings. Cruel. Yeah. He was cruel. Because cruel people ended up powerful.

And Kuchel had just kept looking at him with her large, sad eyes. “Why won’t you be nice, Kenny?” she would ask. He snorted.

“’Cause only pussies ‘r nice. An’ you’re a pussy, Chel.”

She’d started crying then, like always. He hated tears, same way he hated her soft little cheeks and dainty little hands. Why’d his mother prefer her? Why’d his mother like weak things? Tch.

And then he and Kuchel had been separated a long time, until the day he found her by accident. In truth, he had actually been looking for her. He’d been hunting down all the lingering remainders of the Ackerman clan, keeping tabs. He’d been sure Kuchel’d be in the underground, but he never would’ve dreamed she was in a whorehouse. When he’d come to her as a client, and they’d recognized each other, she’d screamed.

They’d tried to reconnect—he even had the flickering thought to ask her to come with him—but then he found out she was pregnant and planning to keep the baby. He’d told her to get rid of it. Common sense.

She’d thrown a hairbrush at him.

_I’d rather it be dead than grow up to be like you._ Those’d been near her words.

And then he’d found her dead, and that little brat who looked just like her wearing one of the girly blouses and sitting in a corner waiting to die. No fight in the kid. No spirit. Just frail beauty and big, wet eyes asking the world to take care of him.

Maybe if Levi’d been a girl Kenny would’ve gone easier on him. But to see a boy—a future man—sitting there weeping with long hair and girly clothes had roused something hateful in Kenny. He’d picked the kid up and brought him away. Part of it’d been the goodness of his heart, sure. After all, they were family. But part of it was to show Kuchel just how fuckin’ wrong she’d been. Kenny had mashed the gentle sadness out of the boy, replaced it with hate and iron.

_If he’d stayed like you, Chel, he’d be dead now. But he’s Humanity’s Strongest. He’s_ my _boy,_ Kenny had thought that day, watching Levi parade past on the horse.

Kenny had been right, and Kuchel wrong.

But now here she was, standing before him with one hand on the doorknob and a gun in the other hand. She shut the door quietly behind her, and kept staring at him. No expression on her pale face.

“Kenny,” she said. Her voice was too low, though. Maybe the medicine was way too strong. Maybe it was driving him crazy. Kenny swallowed.

“Ku…chel?” he whispered.

“The fuck?” She frowned, now clearly puzzled. Kuchel hadn’t sworn much. Maybe being dead for thirty years had changed her personality. So. She’d risen from the pit to come and take vengeance on him, that it? Seemed fair.

“I, I saved the boy, Chel.” Kenny rubbed his eyes, tried to focus. “Yah woulda taken him with ya to the grave, but I made him what he is. Don’t come, ah, to my room an’ start in on me.”

“Kenny, it’s me. My mother is dead. And leave her the fuck out of this.”

Oh. Right. He blinked rapidly, and finally saw Levi clearly. Fuck, but he looked like his mother. The Dark Ackerman. Maybe what’d confused him was—

“Why the fuck yah wearing death shrouds?” Shit, that was creepy. Levi was wrapped in cloth bandages, standard swaddling for the dead, a way to keep them from rotting too much too fast or something. “Yer like a damn ghost.”

“We don’t have time to talk about that.” Levi cocked the hammer. The gun was ready to fire. Kenny took a deep breath.

“We got all the time we need.” He snorted. “Where’s yer knife, Levi?”

“I don’t want to get too close to you.”

“So. Planning on killin’ me, eh?” His nephew did not speak. He did not flinch, or waver, but he did not speak. “I raised yah, Levi. Yah’d really do a thing like that?”

“If you could’ve, would you have killed me on the rooftop?” Levi glared. “Even though you fucking raised me?”

Heh. “Well. Yeah. S’pose I would’ve. If yah can’t keep yerself alive, then don’t come cryin’ when you’re dead.” Kenny blinked hard. Think. He had to think. There was medicine on the table—not helpful—and a knife tucked under the mattress—more helpful. He was orchestrating how to do this thing when Levi continued.

“If you try something like coughing and leaning over the side of the bed so you’ll have time to grab your knife, I’ll shoot you.”

“I really taught ya too well.” Kenny sniffed, stared into his nephew’s cold, emotionless eyes. “This’s about Petra, eh?”

“It’s part of it,” Levi said softly.

“Look, I wasn’t plannin’ on really rapin’ the girl. Just a little fun.”

“What was fun for you was torture for her.” Levi gritted his teeth. “That wasn’t about fun or profit, was it, Kenny?”

“Women who cry and act soft piss me the fuck off.” He meant it. Every word. Thought of his mother, who let the MPs slash her throat, and Kuchel, who watched it happen and did nothing. “Anyway, feel like if this is our last conversation, we should spend a little time reminiscin’. Don’t yah agree?” Levi said nothing. “Tch. You never were chatty. That’s why yah had a hard time makin’ friends.”

“You told me to fight and beat up anyone who wanted to be my friend.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t wanna hang out with a buncha weakass pansies, now do yah? Besides, as I recall you didn’t have _that_ many chances to fight. People don’t like yah, Levi.”

“A few of them do.”

Kenny blew a raspberry. “Thought I beat all that wide-eyed idealistic crap outta yah. Instead I find yer some big dreamy hero to humanity with yer own little blushing princess. Yah were always soft, Levi.”

“Then why the fuck am I still alive?”

“Simple. Yah don’t have it in ya to die. Not in yer nature. But soft men like you end up watchin’ everyone they ever cared about slip through their fingers.” Levi visibly flinched at that. “That girl of yers’ll die, probably screaming for you to save her. It’s a damn shame. I tried beatin’ yer mother outta you for nearly a decade, but she’s still in there. Like a ghost.”

Levi pointed the gun, his jaw tightening. Kenny sensed the man’s fuse had shortened significantly.

“If you ever talk about my mother again—”

“You’ll shoot me? Think we’re already there, shorty.”

“Do you want to die?”

“Not much fun in dyin’, but… Well, I’d rather die in a showdown than linger on into old age, sick and waitin’ fer a death that just won’t come. Just keep breathin’ til I fade away? What fun’s that?”

“I think a lot of people would kill for that,” Levi muttered. Probably the kid imagined a little house in a field with his little girlfriend, where they could hold hands and sit in rocking chairs and wither away together peacefully. Kuchel’s curse ran deep in the blood. Hopefully Kenny’s strength would win out in Levi.

“If yer gonna pull that trigger, fucking do it already. I’m sick of watchin’ you argue with yerself.”

Kenny strained his ears for the sound of his men. No one, not even a footstep. Now he was getting a little fearful. What was going on? Were his soldiers all dead, or occupied? How many of Levi’s people were there? For fuck’s sake, it was just him and Petra, wasn’t it?

Unless they’d joined up with someone…

“Tell me the truth. How’d you get in here?” Kenny was done bantering. Levi aimed his pistol.

“Through the pits. Stank to hell and back.”

“Yah want the gold, that it?”

“Yes. But it’s not why I’m here now.”

“Not the gold. Not revenge for yer woman. What, then?” Kenny barked.

“It’s about the thirty-seven crates you’ve got hidden away in that cave,” Levi said.

Kenny felt the blood drain from his face. No. No, the little prick hadn’t—

“You little _bastard_!” Kenny snarled. Levi looked upon him like a grim executioner. There was no softness in his face now. No doubt.

No mercy.

“You have big plans, don’t you, Kenny? Well. I’ve got some big fucking plans, too.”

Kenny was out of time. Lightning fast, he went for his knife.

He stopped moving when the first shot rang out.

The second shot was fatal.


	18. Chapter 18

Petra had not been afraid when they wrapped her in the death shrouds, and she hadn’t been afraid when the wagon stopped outside of the pit. She’d kept her breathing light and steady when Sofia’s men tossed her into the pile of bones that waited below, though she winced when she struck and heard the clatter of dried skeletal remains slide away from her. It sounded like she was on an incline. She waited until the others were thrown in after her. Apparently Levi had been right: this edge of the pit was rather shallow. Thank the Walls and god above, otherwise she would’ve sunk into a pile of death. Petra waited until she heard the wagon wheels rumble away, then pulled the sack off her head and looked around. Levi, Sofia, and a couple other thugs were slowly pulling themselves up, and gazing towards the ramshackle building a few yards away. Petra could see what the problem had been: the overhang of stalactites was very sharp, and at this angle she could glimpse several pairs of boots on the roof. If they’d tried swinging in from the front, they’d have been met with an ambush and likely killed.

And her captain hated meaningless death.

Levi signaled to them all, then pulled over a bag that the men had dropped in after them. He untied it, handed out the ODM gear. They buckled themselves in, Petra shuddering as she looked down at the skulls littered around her, the gaping eye sockets, the queer V of an orphaned jawbone decorated with stumps of rotted teeth. She nearly vomited, but mercifully they wouldn’t have to be here long.

Levi, silent as a shadow, made a few more gestures, hand signals he’d taught her in order to communicate when they were a good distance from each other on the battlefield. Everyone was strapped into their gear, and nodded. They were ready.

He made the first move.

Levi got out his knives, and with the whirr of hooks and puff of the gas motor he latched onto the stalactite roof and sped towards the enemy. Petra could only see their boots, but she saw enough. She saw all the pairs of boots turn in Levi’s direction. She listened, but did not hear their guns go off. Then she watched as, within about fifteen seconds total, every last one of their bodies fell from the roof to land and clatter in the pile of bones below. A premade grave, just for them. Petra saw their slashed throats, the glistening blood, their wide, shocked eyes.

She shuddered again. But Levi had done as he’d promised, taken out the rooftop guard. Now she had her job.

Petra and Sofia took the side of the house that faced the pit; the other thugs went around to the opposite side. Petra flew up to the second floor, while Sofia took the first. Opening an unlocked window, Petra slid inside and breathed out in relief. No one was coming for her. Maybe they hadn’t even heard yet.

Creeping quietly down the hall, careful not to upset a squeaky floorboard, Petra kept her blades out and looked over her shoulder. She eyed the cracks of doorways, saw a couple of men splayed out on mattresses, asleep. Her entire body tensed, her heart beat faster as she imagined finding Kenny in one of these rooms. The idea of him leering at her, pushing her back onto a bed simultaneously froze her with terror and boiled her blood. He had taken advantage of her naivete once, but he would never do it again.

_Kill him, Levi._

That thought hurt. She’d never wished for another human’s death before. She didn’t like how it felt, the bitterness of it and the luxurious enjoyment she got out of imagining the hated man’s dead face.

Petra sidled up to a door on her left, and peeked in through a crack. She was about to move on when—

“Oh,” she whispered. Was that…?

_Yes._

A briefcase on a table. Petra lightly opened the door, her gaze darting to every corner. No one here. She slipped inside and hurried to the table. Popping the cases buckles, she opened it to find…

The gold. All of it, perfectly safe and sound. The Commander’s gold. Levi would be ecstatic. Petra grinned, nearly laughed aloud. They’d be so pleased. So happy…

“Turn around slowly,” a familiar woman said. Petra froze, the hair on her arms standing straight up.

“Traute?” she murmured.

“Turn around. Put down your weapons.”

Petra shut her eyes and focused. The captain had taught her a few things about fighting. The element of surprise can be essential; know your fighting ground as well as you can; know your enemy even better. She didn’t have much to go on for those last two, but the first…

Petra quickly snapped the case shut.

“Catch,” she whispered, and with a cry turned and flung the case square at Traute’s chest as hard as she could. The woman recovered incredibly quickly, but there was a moment when she was stunned, when her weapons lowered a fraction. That was all the time Petra needed. She barreled towards the woman, and when Traute dodged the case and aimed her gun Petra latched her ODM hook to the righthand wall and jettisoned out of the bullet’s path. Crouched against the wall, Petra deployed another grappling hook, this one catching Traute high in the thigh. The woman cursed, swinging around to fire again, but Petra reeled her in. Traute collapsed to the floor, her gunshot going into the ceiling. Plaster crumbled and flaked around them, a kind of ugly snow. Shit. Below them, voices were getting louder. She prayed Sofia, Levi, and the others were doing their job.

If Levi had opened the front door, the rest of Leviathan would be rushing in at any time in a cavalry charge. Petra had to hold out until then.

Traute held a gun towards Petra, but Petra already had her blade at the woman’s throat.

“If you kill me, I kill you,” Petra whispered. Her heart was going so fast she thought she might pass out. Bad time for that.

Traute snorted. “You don’t give up, do you? I admire that.”

“I think it’s really strange,” Petra said, trying to keep the fire out of her voice, “that you’re happy to follow a man who throws women around and treats them like toys.”

“He doesn’t usually do that.” The blonde woman’s voice was flat and lifeless. “And if he does, what does it matter? None of it matters.”

“Only because it doesn’t happen to _you_ ,” Petra snarled.

“Yes. I suppose that’s true.” Her honesty was surprising. Petra tightened the grip on her blade.

“Why do you follow him?” Petra whispered. Traute was, after all, a formidable fighter, an attractive woman, an intelligent person. That much was obvious. “You could do a lot more.”

“I’ve done a lot more. And none of it mattered in the end. But him?” For an instant, something sparked in that cold blue gaze. “He has a dream. A wonderful dream.”

“Like blowing up the entire city?” Petra snapped. “That’s a pretty terrible dream to me.”

Traute did not respond to that. She continued staring at Petra, as if they could do this all day. Dimly, Petra realized that they were on Traute’s territory, and they’d been heard fighting. Anyone who came through that door would probably be on Traute’s side, not Petra’s. Every moment they wasted here raised the chances Petra would get caught. She had to get the gold and flee, and to do that…

She’d have to kill this woman. Her body went very cold.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Traute sounded indifferent. “You’ll have to kill me, right?”

“Shut up.”

“You’ve never killed before, have you? Not a person.”

“I said shut up.” Petra pressed the tip of her blade deeper into the woman’s neck. One bit of pressure more and there’d be blood.

“Your eyes are so wide. You look like you’re about to cry.”

Petra knew better than to answer that.

“I’ll tell you what, Petra. I’ll give you to the count of five to kill me. If you don’t, I’ll take my chances and shoot you in the face.” She sounded perfectly serious. “It’s the favor I’ll do you for letting Kenny take it as far as he did. We women have to look out for each other.”

“You’re sick,” she muttered.

“It’s likely. But this world made me sick.” She frowned. “I guess you like it well enough. But then again, you don’t strike me as someone with a lot of imagination.”

Petra seethed, and her hand shook on the blade. Traute counted down lifelessly, pulling back the hammer on the gun as she did.

“Five. Four. Three. Two—”

A gunshot. But not here. Petra startled as the shot came from what sounded like directly below them.

For the first time, Traute’s face became animated. Her mouth fell open in horror, her features tightened.

“Kenny,” the woman breathed. She yanked away, Petra’s hook digging out of her flesh with a wet, painful sound. Bleeding profusely, she got up. Petra swung at her blindly as she took her shot. The bullet sailed past Petra, embedding into the wall. The woman barreled out the door, leaving Petra breathless and shaking. She reeled in her hook, went to the briefcase. Picking it up, she rushed out the door and into the hall, blade at the ready in case anyone was here to fight.

But the second floor was empty. Below her, the place was a zoo of commotion. She hurried downstairs to find blood sprayed upon the walls, still dripping and fresh. Bodies lay facedown, the back of their skulls opened. In the center of the room stood Sofia and several of her men. She was ordering them about, telling them to search the rest of the interior. Petra saw some of Sofia’s Leviathan thugs lying on the ground, dead, but not too many. Levi’s strategy had worked. They’d taken the Red Hand’s lair without a great deal of bloodshed, at least for their own side.

“Petra!” Sofia came to her, embraced her. “Thank god you’re all right.” She sounded truly relieved, and Petra returned the embrace. She realized, to her horror, she was tearing up.

“Are you all right? Where’s Levi?” She pulled back, wiped her cheeks as Sofia scanned the area. She looked on edge.

“We have to assume he’ll make his way out on his own time. Come on.” Sofia tugged at her arm, taking her outside. When they were several yards from the front door, Petra noticed a sweet, sickly aroma. She turned to find Sofia’s men splashing gasoline around the wooden edge of the building. Petra’s stomach seemed to shrink. She wondered if Traute would escape. She wondered what had happened to Kenny…and to Levi.

“We can’t,” she choked, looking to Sofia. “Not until Levi’s—”

“He’s here.” Sofia pointed, and Petra’s head whipped around.

Levi trudged towards them, his eyes focused straight ahead. He didn’t seem to see her, or anything else around him. He carried a long, dead body over his shoulder. The man had been tall, and thin. When Levi tossed the corpse onto the ground, Petra’s heart felt like it stopped.

The body was dressed in slacks and a stained undershirt. It had sustained two bullets: one to the side of the torso, the other right to the head. On the left side of the body, she saw a surgical bandage where the undershirt rucked up. The second gunshot had blown the top of the head clean off, so that only the bottom jaw and tongue remained. They glistened on display, like raw meat in a butcher’s stall.

The body looked like…had to be…

“It’s Kenny.” Levi said it while staring up at the stalactite cavern. His eyes, normally hooded and sunken from lack of sleep, now looked like the eyes of a cadaver. Levi trembled, a single shiver that went straight through his body and then vanished. “It’s over.”

Petra was gazing at the dead man she’d hated, and all she could think to do in that moment was stagger away and throw up. Her stomach trembled, ached as it voided all its contents. Her throat burned. She wiped her mouth, and gave an empty sob. The body looked so…deflated. Dead. The man had been alive one moment, making plans, saying rude things, and now he was entirely still and gone.

Petra had never thought of it like that before. Death. Killing titans was almost sport, almost a game. You never gave a thought to what happened to them after the final swing of the sword. But this?

She turned back around to go to Levi, to see how he was.

He was worse than she. Far worse.

He looked so small, smaller than she’d ever seen him before. His shoulders slumped; he seemed to crater in on himself. He gazed back down at the corpse before his feet. Even Sofia seemed thoughtful and silent as she watched him. Levi’s eyes tracked from the blown off head to the punctured gut, the blood spattered trousers. Petra noticed small, inane details. The dead man’s shoes were off, his patched socks on. A ring glinted on his finger, a little display of wealth.

Kenny was dead. Levi had killed him.

“I hated him,” Levi grunted. He didn’t seem to be talking to anyone. “I hated him right up until I pulled the trigger. Then…”

“I’m sorry,” Sofia said gently. She touched his arm for a second, then nodded to the men. Petra jumped as a match was struck, and the building went up in a wall of flame. She watched it with caution.

“Is…is that safe?” She sounded so hoarse.

“There’s no timber or anything flammable nearby. The fire will burn itself out,” Sofia said with great calm. She nudged Kenny’s corpse with the toe of her boot. “I don’t think we got all of them, but we got the leader, and several of the men. The Red Hand’s been dissolved. They went from the most powerful force in the underground to nothing in forty-eight hours.” She looked to Levi. “And all thanks to you. Levi, the underground owes you a debt it can never repay.” She smiled softly. “You’ve saved us.”

He grunted, still staring at the corpse. Petra came to him, slipped her arm through his. She leaned her body against his, kissed his cheek. That seemed to revive him somewhat.

“Oi, Petra.” He touched his lips to her forehead briefly. He didn’t love showing affection in public, but she felt the sincerity in his body, his kiss. “At least you’re safe. Brat.”

“And look.” She lifted the case. For the first time that day, she saw something like pleasant shock in his expression. “You’ll have to count it, but I think it’s all there.”

“That’s something, at least,” he whispered. He opened the case, looked over its contents. “We got it. You beautiful genius.”

“I had to fight that woman for it. She…” Petra couldn’t keep talking. She gazed at the flaming building, and found that she hoped Traute had made it out alive. What a strange thing to want for your enemy. She looked down at Kenny again—her fallen enemy, the man she’d despised. Shouldn’t she gloat more than this?

Maybe she really didn’t have the heart of a killer.

“What comes next?” Petra asked. Sofia answered.

“The Red Hand’s gone, so the explosives will be kept safe until the authorities can retrieve them per our agreement, Levi. At this rate, the quarantine should lift anytime between tonight and tomorrow morning. You’re both invited to come back to headquarters. Relax, bathe, eat, and perhaps have a drink. We’ve got a good reason to celebrate today.” Sofia looked at them not unkindly. “I think you’ve both had enough of this struggle. It’s time you went home.”

Home. Petra’s eyes prickled at the images that word conjured. Home was her parents’ little house with the clothesline and the vegetable garden. It was the Survey Corps’s barracks in Trost, with her own little room filled with a few small knick knacks and books. Home was Levi’s arms around her in bed, sunlight shining through the window. It was Oruo, and Eld, and Gunther joking with her in the mess.

She wanted it. Badly.

“What do we do with the body?” Petra’s voice sounded weak. Levi said nothing, but Sofia nodded at him. He nodded back. Then he lifted Kenny’s remains, hoisted them over his shoulder, and walked to the inferno behind them. He’d lifted that body like it was a sack of flour; how odd that this action reinforced to Petra how strong he was, more so than slaying titans. Maybe because a dead human felt far more real.

Levi threw the corpse into the fire, turned, and came back to them. Blood was in his hair, dripping down his pale neck. Blood was on his face, and hands. It soaked into the death shroud he’d wrapped around his body. His eyes were empty.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Thank you,” he said without looking at her. “For the gold. If we hadn’t gotten it back, I don’t know what I would’ve felt right now.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s go back. And then let’s go home.”

His gray eyes finally met hers.

“Yeah,” he said. “Home.”

***

Levi scrubbed his body until the skin became pink and raw, and he would’ve kept scrubbing if he could. The feel of those bones, those rotten bones as he climbed through the pile of the dead just to fly up to that roof and kill a few more fucking people. He’d waded through death today, every inch of it polluting him.

And in Kenny’s room…

The shots Levi’d fired. The way the bullets had entered his body, exploded his head…

Levi tasted bile in the back of his throat as he leaned against the wall. This was why he preferred knives. At least he could feel the damage he was doing all the way through. There was no lie with a knife. A gun was way too easy. Pull the trigger, a flick of the finger, and a life was gone. Shouldn’t be that easy. He scowled, toweled off his damp hair, dried his wet body. A knife taught you how death felt. Made you respect life more.

A gun did all the dirty work for you.

“Even though I hate getting dirty,” he said to an empty room. He shook his head. Had to pull himself the fuck together for Petra. He went to their bed, unsnapped the case and studied the gold again. Counted it. He reached into his pocket to pull out the gold coin Kenny’d thrown to him, add it to the case. Then there’d be thousand again, not a coin less. As he’d promised Erwin.

But in his pocket, he traced the shape of a jewel with his finger. His eyebrows rose as he pulled out the topaz necklace with the still-busted chain. Fuck, he’d forgotten about it in all the crazy shit. He wanted to call Petra in right now and give it to her but…no. On the surface, back in the sunlight where he could see the gem sparkle. Where he could see how its gleam matched her eyes. That’s where he’d give it to her.

He slipped it back into his pants pocket as he finished getting dressed, then headed towards Sofia’s apartment. Almost done. Almost home.

Almost.

When he entered, the women were seated alongside each other on one of the sofas, laughing it up. Petra’s cheeks always flushed pink when she laughed really hard, and her nose crinkled. Everything she did, even that, soothed him. He could’ve stood there for hours just drinking in the sight of her. If he could’ve bottled her laughter, he would.

“Levi! We’re having a drink. Come join us,” Sofia called, waving him over. Levi walked over to the girls, noting that a couple of Sofia’s top-ranked thugs were also in the room. They congregated nearer the walls, enjoying their whiskeys. Levi scooped Petra up while she mock squealed and sat down, settling her onto his lap. She laid her head upon his shoulder, her nose tickling his jawline. He squeezed her a little tighter. Sofia didn’t seem to mind. She just poured another tumbler of whiskey, and handed it to him.

“Thanks, but I’m not in a drinking mood,” he said. Petra’s lips traced his jawline as she spoke.

“I’ll bet you’d drink tea.”

“Tea’s the only perfect thing in this world.”

“That’s mean.” Petra pouted, though she couldn’t hide the merry gleam in her eye.

“You’ll get there. Eventually. Maybe.”

“Levi, you’re terrible.” Sofia leaned back against the sofa, head tilted towards the ceiling. She looked utterly carefree, far more girlish than he’d seen her these past few days.

“Feeling good?” he asked.

“Is it that obvious?” Sofia laughed. “Now that the Red Hand is gone, it feels like a weight’s been taken off my shoulders. I don’t know how I can repay you.”

“Just keep your promises,” he said evenly. She toasted to that. Levi shifted Petra on his lap, and she looked up at him.

“You all packed?” he asked.

“Mmm. Not that I have any bags.” She laughed, and kissed him. He smoothed her hair from her face.

“Good point. Gold’s all there. On the bed.” He sniffed, and rubbed at his nose three times. Petra nodded.

“You counted it?” She scratched her chin.

“Yep. Fuck, I can’t wait to get back to the surface. Erwin’ll shit himself. Can you fuckin’ imagine?” He jerked a thumb towards the ceiling. She nodded.

“Is the quarantine supposed to lift tonight?” she asked Sofia.

“It should. Hopefully.”

“Well, I’ve had a few to drink.” Petra giggled, cheeks rosy. “Three whiskeys is too much, I think. I’m going to head to bed.” Petra pointed at the doorway. “Are you coming, too?” she asked Levi.

“In a minute. Gotta talk a few things through here first.”

“Mmm. Well, don’t take too long.” Petra slid into his embrace, and kissed him deeply. For a few seconds, he was all alone with her. Her soft lips, the sweet kiss of whiskey on her breath, her velvet tongue, it was all he wanted to know. When the kiss ended, he brushed his fingertips along her cheek as she looked into his eyes, the promise of a smile at the corner of her lips. Then she slipped off his lap, said good night to Sofia, and padded out of the room. He watched her go until the door closed.

“So.” Sofia grinned at him. The thugs were off in their own private conversation. It was just him and her. “We’re going to miss you around here.”

“Yeah. It’s been…interesting.”

Sofia chuckled as she slid off her shoes and curled up on the sofa. She leaned her elbow against the sofa’s back, put her head in her hand. “This will be a foolish question, but you wouldn’t consider staying at all?”

“I don’t belong here anymore. Neither does Petra.”

“No.” She looked down. “No, Petra doesn’t belong here. And I don’t want her to be unhappy.” She frowned. “I really like her, Levi. And I didn’t expect to.”

“It was a surprise to me, too, honestly.”

“But you can see what’s going on down here, can’t you? Don’t you remember what life was like under the Military Police when you were one of us?”

“You don’t forget that,” he grumbled. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost midnight.

“So. Won’t you help with that, at least? You’re with the Survey Corps. Freedom for humanity is your preoccupation, isn’t it?” She leaned nearer. “But how can we ever be free outside the walls when we’re so downtrodden within them? Freedom is an illusion if people are forced to live with a boot on their neck their whole lives. Do you agree?”

“I do, actually.” He looked at her. “But that’s politics, Sofia. That’s not what I do. Erwin, my Commander, that’s what he does. He thinks, and the world’s problems get a little smaller. I fight. I kill things that want to kill people. That’s my job. You gotta know where your strengths are and accept them.”

“You’ve grown wiser.” She sounded impressed. “I remember a young man who would go out of his way to break the hand or nose of anyone who displeased him, just because he could.”

“It was different then. I was different.” He scowled. “I had to make a name for myself down here, so no one fucked with me. That’s all this world was to me: get fucked, or fuck. No in between. No mercy.”

“That’s what life still is for the poorest of us,” she said softly.

“My mother…” Levi rubbed his face. “She was an angel. She didn’t know how to raise her voice to anyone to say fuckin’ boo. She told me that being good was our only way to live in this world. I remember there wasn’t a woman in that whorehouse she wouldn’t tend to when they got sick. Fed them, bathed them. And when _she_ got sick? None of those cunts came to look in on her. No one came to feed her, or clean her. When she died, they left me alone in that room with her body. Figured I’d either leave or die myself. But they survived, and she didn’t. None of those whores gave a shit about me when I was little and hungry. But when I was grown? When I could toss a man through a window with one hand?” He clenched his jaw. “ _Then_ I was someone to them. People hate weakness. They want to kill it. That’s the way of the world.”

“This life made them that way.” Sofia sounded sorrowful. “People on the surface don’t act like that.”

“No. No, they’ll at least pretend to care. But they still whisper behind closed doors, still jeer at us in the streets. All anyone really wants, turns out, is food and shelter and a better job than their neighbor. And that’s what the world is. How I saw it.” He looked at her, really looked. “Until Erwin. He showed me a world where people like my mother could live. Could be cared for. Could be valued for being decent. It’s not just a world beyond the walls, it…it’s a world without titans. A world without titans means we don’t focus on them; we focus on ourselves. Make ourselves better. If we’re not always trying to fight our way out of a stinking titan’s mouth, we can spend time fixing our own shit.”

“So you think that the only way to stop this misery is to kill the titans?” she asked.

“My comrades have given their lives over and over again for that world. For real freedom. I have to keep moving forward for them. I have to protect every civilian life I can for them. Because if I don’t? If I don’t, they died for shit.”

Sofia grew quiet at that. They both stared at one another.

“You understand?” he said. “Every single civilian life needs to be guarded. I won’t let them die, no matter who they are.”

“I understand,” she said softly.

“So tell me, Sofia.” He sat back. “Did Kenny and his gang steal those explosives from you, or were you storing them at his hideout?”

She was very quiet for a moment.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said.

“Don’t do this. Don’t play shitty games with me.”

“What an interesting connection for you to make.” She tilted her chin. “What makes you think this?”

“You said there were thirty-seven crates of explosives in that cave. You were right; I counted them all myself. Exactly thirty-seven fucking crates.”

“Yes, and you told me the number at Arnold’s.”

“No. I fucking did not.”

“Oh. Of course. The men I have stationed there—”

“Did not get a message back to you, because I fucking asked this morning and that is what you said. Isn’t it?” Levi narrowed his eyes. “So how did you guess it was thirty-seven? Magic? Fucking luck?”

Sofia continued to say nothing.

“And the last thing. That job you had me do for you a few days back? Ripping off the Schneider warehouse? I didn’t even think of it until you said thirty-seven. But then I remembered one of those broken boxes. It had explosives in it; I saw the label. That’s what you were after, wasn’t it? You went in there wanting the negotiations to go south. You wanted Schneider dead, and you wanted his contraband. So. Back to my first question. Did Kenny steal from you, or was it part of a deal?”

Levi kept his hand on his hip, where he carried his knife. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the thugs as they watched him. Other than that, he gave Sofia his full attention.

“Oh, Levi.” She sighed. “I wanted this to work out. I still think it could.”

“Tell me.”

“All right. I made a deal with the Red Hand to store the explosives at their hideout until I could be ready to move them.”

“Move them to do what?”

“I don’t think I’ll answer that question.”

“I fucking think you will. Or I’ll—”

“Or _I’ll_ ,” she said, nodding at the door, “have to resort to drastic measures.”

One of the thugs simply went over and opened the door, acting as though Levi wasn’t threatening his boss. As if Levi and she were having a tiff over lunch or some shit.

Levi was on his feet even before he heard her stifled cries. Two thugs dragged her into the room, a gag over her mouth.

“Fuck you, Sofia,” he whispered.

“Not yet,” she said, and sighed deeply.

Petra stared at Levi in horror, one of the men holding a knife to her throat.


	19. Chapter 19

Levi had always known what to do. Always, since he’d been twelve years old facing down a man who wanted to gut him like a fish. Levi remembered the feeling that had surged through his body, a feeling he called “the yellow lightning” though he didn’t know why. Every muscle in his body seemed to harden when the lightning struck, and his senses sharpened even as his heart rate lowered. He knew what to do. Exactly what to do to turn the man’s knife on its owner. And when the man had lain dead at his feet, Levi hadn’t wept or vomited. He’d seen the steps in his head: feint left; jam an elbow into the man’s side; twist his arm; grab the knife.

Now, in Sofia’s bedroom, he saw a yellow lightning line to each and every one of them: Sofia and her thugs. He could have them all dead in under two minutes. Ninety seconds, even. He saw the way to all of them.

But there was one problem.

No matter what direction he ran, no matter how quick he fought, no matter who he disarmed and when, there was one red line. One line that meant death no matter what he did.

Petra. The point of the blade was at her throat, right at the jugular. If Levi so much as twitched the wrong way, Petra would die. There was no way his yellow lightning could find to strike down the enemies while also sparing her.

“Sofia,” he said. “Let her go.”

“I want to. Truly. But it depends entirely on you.”

He snarled, bared his teeth. “You’re all dead if I want it. Do you think any of you could stop me?”

“No,” Sofia whispered. “If you wanted to attack, we’d all be dead. And we know it. But so would Petra. Please, Levi, don’t make me do that.”

He breathed deeply. The red line remained, and Petra’s wide amber eyes were frantic. He could not save her right this second, so he would bide his time.

“At least take the gag off her.”

“All right.” Sofia motioned, and another man removed Petra’s gag. She spat, wincing when the blade sank dangerously deep into her soft throat. Fuck. Levi’d hoped for a hot second that the man holding her would’ve tried to remove the cloth. One slip, one angle of one degree of difference would also mean the difference between an injury and a fatality. Levi would’ve acted at once. But Sofia’s guys were too smart for that. Leviathan wasn’t going to make a sloppy mistake; he saw that now.

“Levi,” Petra croaked. “Just…don’t. Don’t do it. Whatever they want.”

“Which is what, exactly?” Levi turned eyes on a demure looking Sofia. She gazed at him with a confident aloofness that he wanted to shatter on the ground.

“It’s very simple, Levi.” She shrugged. “I don’t want you to do anything.”

“Be more specific.”

“As you’ve now ascertained, that dynamite was always mine. Yes, I used you to help me take Schneider’s stolen contraband. When I heard news that he’d stolen it from merchant warehouses, I knew the time was right.”

“Right for what?”

“Patience, please. So I moved on it. But I couldn’t keep it in Schneider’s warehouse, and I couldn’t house it in my own. If the MPs found it, I could be in danger. So I struck a quick deal with the Red Hand, since I knew they were the only major gang with space enough. But I’ve never liked them. They have no panache.”

“So you always knew Kenny was the leader, huh?”

“No. No, that was a genuine surprise. He was adept at concealing his identity. At first I didn’t want to help you against the Red Hand because I didn’t want to jeopardize my business prospects. But then, of course, came the quarantine. Having my goods linger in their clutches for too long could give them ideas. Already, I’d received letters intimating that they would require a higher price to store the explosives and to keep silent around the Military Police. And after I saw the collision course you were on with them, I realized I could play that to my advantage as well. I could use your natural anger and desire for revenge, and take them down. Now, here we are.” She smiled. “Kenny is dead. His gang is in tatters. And I hold all the cards.” Her lashes lowered. “Thanks to you, Levi. If it hadn’t been for you, none of this would be possible.”

He was the world’s greatest fucking fool. Erwin would’ve seen through her shit inside a minute. Ah, but Levi was no slouch when it came to the underworld’s dealings. Had he grown too soft up in the sunshine? Had Sofia used her wiles to trick him?

Or had he been so consumed with Petra—with saving her, with making love to her again—that he’d ignored all the signs? He hadn’t seen the danger until it’d been too late to stop it. At that point, he’d had to use the natural momentum.

Levi glanced at Petra. _You were my weakness._

He felt fucking sick.

“What are you going to do with the explosives?” he asked quietly.

“Fortunately for us, the quarantine should lift anytime now. Right on schedule for the Midwinter Festival.”

The Festival, which involved scores of people and a grand parade through the center of town and…

Levi’s head whipped up. “You wouldn’t.”

He couldn’t even imagine…

All those people.

Blown the fuck up.

“I would. I will. We need to send a message to the people who dine and dance above our heads that they do not get to use us. They don’t get to come down here and fuck us and take our money and then go back up above to their clean air and their happy homes. They don’t get to starve us and keep us in the dark and then blame _us_ for what they’ve done.” For the first time, Sofia’s mask began to slip. He saw fury ignite in her eyes. Her hands clenched into fists. She even ground her teeth before spitting more words. “The king and his enforcers need to be taught a real lesson. One that won’t be forgotten, not ever.”

“And the innocent kids? The family men, the young women? The people who never had anything to do with what we’ve suffered? Do they deserve to die?” Levi growled.

“They’ve profited from our oppression.” Sofia calmed herself and folded her arms. “I am merely sending them the bill.”

“Sofia. You’re out of your fucking mind.”

“I see.” She stepped nearer to him. A few more steps, and he could break her fucking neck. “Your Commander, Erwin Smith. I know of him. I’ve heard stories. Some say he’s a genius, others, a madman. I wish I could meet him. I think we’d have much in common.”

“You and Erwin Smith shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath,” Levi said. He could kill her just for that.

“I hear that many good men and women lose their lives and limbs during his patrols.”

“Erwin designed a way to save people’s lives on patrol with his strategies. He’s a fucking genius.”

“So I’ve said. But how many has he killed on fruitless charges into the mouths of titans? How many has he sacrificed to see a better world?”

He didn’t like where this was going.

“No one ever died for him that didn’t sign up for it.”

“I’m sure that was a great comfort when they were being chewed to death. Erwin’s plans, such as they are, might one day see victory. But not in our lifetime, Levi. My strategy, on the other hand, will have an immediate and seismic effect. Two hundred people, give or take, will die tomorrow. How many hundreds upon hundreds has Erwin Smith poured down a titan’s gullet to no avail?” She sighed. “Tell me, Levi, which of us is crueler?”

“You _bitch_!” he spat. He took a step forward, and Petra cried out. He froze, looked at her still with that bastard’s knife at her throat. Levi’s breathing was ragged. This woman, this _thing_ was trying to set Erwin up as a monster, and in the same moment had his beloved girl’s life dangling by a thread. He hated her as he’d only hated titans, or Kenny. He hated her with everything he had or was.

“So. I want you to do nothing, Levi. And in return—”

“In return I’ll break your fucking spine in thirteen different places, how’s that?”

“It would be very uncomfortable, and make it difficult for me to attend Petra’s funeral.” Sofia gestured to the girl. “If you don’t step away from me within ten seconds, she will die.”

“Then you’ll have no fucking leverage, will you?” Levi spoke coolly, his eyes half-lidded, but inside of him was an inferno. He would kill them all, and he would not just kill. He would stomp them into the walls. He would smear them into paste. He was Humanity’s Strongest, and he could do such a thing.

“Levi. She would still be dead. Would you want that?”

He looked at Petra again. She was begging him with her eyes not to relent, and he even wanted to do as she asked. But he loved her. Fuck, he loved her even as she’d sapped his strength with that love. He moved a few steps away, gazing into her eyes. He would die for her. He would kill for her.

But would he do everything for her? Anything?

“So you want me to do nothing,” he said, “while you destroy Mitras.”

“In a word, yes. You can wait here. In fact, I insist. Have something to drink, relax. Get some rest. And when the deed is done, if you want, you can still go back up to your old life. No one ever needs to know you had foreknowledge of the event. You and Petra both can go, even. If you fulfill all of my requests.”

“What fucking requests?” He glared at her. Sofia took a sip of whiskey, as if this were just a pleasant chat.

“I’m a woman of my word. I’ll even sign a blood oath. If you allow me to set off my plans in Mitras without a hitch, I will give you back your gold.”

Levi forced himself not to glance at Petra.

“And the girl.”

“Ah. Petra. No, she comes with another price tag. If you want her back, you’ll have to make a trade.”

He snorted. “What? I killed your big enemy for you. I got you your explosives. You played me for a shitty fool. What else can I do for you? You want the shirt off my fucking back?”

“Well. Yes,” she said softly. Fuck, she was almost shy. She sat down on the edge of her bigass bed, and sipped her whiskey. A blush tinged her cheeks that had nothing to do with the alcohol. “We have a few more hours until the plan goes into motion. I’d like to spend them with you. Here.” She laid her hand upon the bed. To her credit, at least she didn’t pat it.

Levi had to take a moment to make sure he’d heard what he thought he heard. Yeah. He heard it. His mouth twisted into a half smile, half scowl. He couldn’t believe it. He could not…

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snapped.

Sofia’s nostrils flared. “I can keep Petra around. She’d make a fine addition to Leviathan after a while. Or I could slit her throat now. Either way, I’m satisfied.”

Petra, whose face had adopted a blank look of shock at Sofia’s proposal, bit back a scream as the man twisted the point of the knife deeper. Levi saw a thin trickle of blood. It took all his restraint not to launch himself at the fucker and twist his head off.

“You stupid bitch. Don’t you know who I fucking am?” he snarled. He rounded on Sofia, and all the other thugs in the room with their knives and weapons just faded into the background. “I killed fifteen titans in an afternoon once, by myself. I killed Kenny the Ripper. There is no one, absolutely no one alive who can match me now. No one can get close. And you expect me to sit here on my fucking hands and just let you do this? I can kill all of you in fifteen seconds. I can crush your windpipe with my thumb. I can tear you apart where you sit before your fucking glass hits the floor.” He spoke so softly and coolly, and he knew no one around him was breathing. They knew it was true. “I can make it to the MPs and let them know what’s going on before your bodies would be cool.”

“That’s right. But Petra’s would cool beside ours. So, Levi. What do you choose?” Sofia asked.

And there it was. The choice. This time, it wasn’t Petra vs. gold. It was Petra vs. two hundred innocent people, maybe more. As a soldier, his orders were clear. Petra was his comrade, and sometimes comrades die in the line of duty.

“Levi, don’t worry about me. Stop them!” Petra whispered. She would’ve been louder, but that knife probably made talking hard. “I love you. I always will. It’s fine. It’s fine.”

Yes. Petra knew her duty. She was a soldier, same as him, sworn to defend the civilians above them. This time, there was no choice. It was impossible to choose, unthinkable to spend a second considering.

There were two hundred people up there with lives and dreams and families. The bomb would destroy their lives, throw the capital into calamity. Who knew what would happen then? And how would the remaining soldiers and nobles retaliate? They’d probably come down here with guns and clubs, ready to bash heads in. The heads of everyday people, whores and children, gamblers and drunks. More death. More needless, useless death.

Those hundreds of innocent lives, or Petra.

_You know what you have to do. You know what you have to sacrifice._

There would still be Erwin, and the dream they shared. There would be more titans to slay. And there would be stability within the walls, peace in the underground. All it required was a single life. A small price to pay, really.

And she wanted to be that sacrifice. Petra was willing to lay down her body to save everyone else. The sweetest girl. The best soldier.

All he had to do was start moving, and the rest would be easy.

But he had tasted her. He had lain with her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair. He had felt the warmth of her, listened to the close gasp and giggle as he made her come, as he made her laugh. He had looked upon her face when she smiled. He had known only suffering before those few, brief sensations.

He had to suffer more, now. Much more. His suffering, it seemed, would never end. Maybe he’d been born for this.

“Well, Levi?” Sofia said.

“Captain! Please!” Petra cried.

Levi raised his head. He lifted his hand.

He lifted both hands over his head in surrender.

“I’ll stay.” His voice might’ve broken. He didn’t know. All he could see were hundreds of screaming faces, bodies covered in blood. Erwin’s horrified expression. “I won’t do anything.”

“No.” Petra’s breath sounded weak. “Don’t. Levi!”

“For the gold?” Sofia arched a brow.

“And I’ll stay here.” He squeezed his eyes shut, gritted his teeth. “With you. Now let her fucking go!”

“All right,” Sofia said. She sounded gentle. “Petra will be placed in custody until everything is done. When it is, both she and the gold will be returned to you.”

“And you won’t hurt her.” She was the price of his soul. He wanted her unmolested. He wanted his fucking money’s worth.

“She’ll be unmarked. You can go back up together. If that’s what you still want.”

Good point. How could Petra love him after this? How could he face Erwin? He’d put his own passion above the common good. The hero he thought he was? Gone. Done. Now he’d make himself a goddamn whore just to have his girl returned to him. After tonight, Sofia would have fucked him in every possible way.

After tonight, he was just another murderer and whore in the underground.

This was where he belonged after all. Better never to have left.

“Yeah,” he said lifelessly.

“You can’t!” Petra was openly weeping now as they led her out into the hallway. “Levi, don’t do this!”

“I’m sorry, Petra,” he murmured. But if he could know that she was free somewhere up above, disappointed in him but free to find a new life, he could find some contentment in hell.

***

Petra sat in the chair, her arms and legs strapped down. She had cried herself out a while ago, yet new tears seemed to keep showing up. She set her chin and resolved herself to stop weeping as she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Bracing herself, Petra managed to smile as the door flew open and Sofia stormed in. Her black eyes blazed with fury, but she kept her voice small and light.

“Petra. Where is it?”

“What? I’m sorry, you need to be more specific.”

Sofia leaned a bit nearer. _Come closer, bitch. I’ll bite your nose off._

“The gold. I need it.”

“Oh. That. Well, I’ve always been bad with money. I can’t ever seem to keep track of it.” Petra smirked. It felt good to see Sofia beginning to lose her immaculate cool. “I mean, why do you think I had it in the first place?”

“We caught you outside the building, trying to sneak away. When my men found you, you ran. The case of gold was clearly in your room, and now it’s gone.” Huffing, Sofia stood and glared down at Petra. “Truthfully, I don’t even understand _why_ you ran at that point.”

“My hands are tied, otherwise I’d show you. A few scratches of the nose might look innocent to most people, but for the captain, it’s code. Scratching the nose three times means ‘we’re surrounded by enemies.’ I rubbed my chin, which says ‘time to run?’ Then, when he pointed at the ceiling, I knew he meant to make for above. There wasn’t time to argue, but I trust him. I took the money and ran.” Petra giggled. Sofia’s look of astonishment made her laugh until it hurt. “Isn’t that some kind of old saying? ‘Take the money and run’? I feel like a real underground thug now.”

“I am. Impressed,” Sofia said at last. She rubbed her eyes. “You and Levi have a bond. I can’t deny that.”

“Why do you even need the gold? I know where it is. When you fuck my boyfriend and set us free, I can just grab it, can’t I?”

“Because _I_ need to give it to him,” Sofia snapped, thrusting her face into Petra’s. Not close enough for nose-biting, sadly. “I signed a blood oath on the gold and your safe return. I can’t renege on either of those, or I lose face.”

_Get a little nearer and I’ll help with that losing face bit._

“Sorry. But you’ll just have to settle for sex with Levi and blowing up hundreds of innocent people. No one gets to have it all.” Petra’s tears betrayed her. She tried to look away, but of course Sofia noticed.

“Petra.” Her tone changed. It was almost apologetic. “Listen. When we first met, I admit that I was pretending to like you. I wanted Levi to be at ease. But I _am_ genuinely fond of you. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Truly.”

The worst part was that Petra believed her.

“You know this is a waste of time, though. Don’t you?” She sniffed. “Levi won’t fall in love with you just because you have sex with him. He’ll probably hate you. What’s your big plan? Just to have scratched something off your To Do list?”

“I wish we were still friendly enough I could make a joke about that.”

“I’m glad we’re not.”

Sofia sighed. “He loves you, Petra, and not me. I know that. I expect nothing to change tonight. But he’s bought you with more than sex. Hundreds will die because of his choice. He won’t be able to look at you. I doubt he’ll ever leave the underground again after this.” Sofia’s eyes adopted a wild light. “In time, he’ll see I was right. And in time, he’ll be at my side. And you?” She touched Petra’s cheek with genuine fondness. “You’ll be a sweet memory of a more innocent time.”

Petra tried biting. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. Sofia raised her hand as if to slap Petra, but thought better of it.

“Remember. You signed a blood oath that you wouldn’t hurt me.” Petra smiled, but grew worried as Sofia shrugged.

“Actually, the wording was ‘unmarked.’ I said nothing about injury.”

“Well…it’s hard to hurt someone without marking them.”

“Hard? Yes. Not impossible.” Sofia nodded at a man. He opened the door, and left the room. Petra’s heart began to beat faster. She struggled fruitlessly against her bonds. Oh, she wanted Levi. She wanted to run. Why hadn’t she been faster? Fast enough to get away? If they hadn’t caught her, none of this would have happened. Sofia crouched before her. She worried her bottom lip. “Petra. I don’t want to do this. Please, please don’t make me do this.” Sofia even clasped her hands and placed them on Petra’s knees. Her eyes begged more fervently than anything else could. “Just tell me where the gold is, and I’ll let you out of this chair. You can go lie down and have a rest until…until it’s all over. Have something to eat. Please.” To her astonishment, Petra saw a thin line of tears in Sofia’s eyes. “Please don’t make me hurt you.”

Petra closed her eyes.

“You’ve already hurt me as much as you can. Go on. Do whatever you’re going to do.” She opened her eyes and glared. “I need something to distract me, anyway.”

Sofia stood, and wiped her face.

“You made me do this,” she whispered.

“Levi once said to us, ‘you’re always in control of your actions.’ He’s right, Sofia. You’re in control here.”

Sofia scowled, and worried her hands. “It’s just unfair. It’s so unfair.”

“What is?”

“Extraordinary men fall in love with ordinary women everyday. But for extraordinary women… I just… Why would he love you, and not me?” Her voice broke a bit, and even with all her hatred Petra’s heart twinged a little. She knew what Sofia was feeling. She knew how badly it hurt.

“I know I’m ordinary,” Petra said. If she weren’t bound, she would’ve shrugged. “But I don’t need to be special. I just want to do something good. I always have.” She gave the girl a pitying look. “If he loves me more than you, Sofia, that’s why. It’s not because you’re extraordinary. It’s because you’re going to kill people.”

Sofia actually seemed to listen to that. A kind of relief suffused her face.

“Thank you.”

Well, Petra had just comforted her own personal torturer. Maybe Eld was right; maybe she was too soft for her own good. The door opened, and a thin, nervous looking man came through. He carried a wooden case under his arm. Petra’s stomach lurched at the sight of it, and she felt her body tense in a fight or flight response. But there was nowhere to go. She was trapped. Sofia walked towards the door, but kept speaking.

“Have you heard of nerve stimulation? It’s a process of inserting needles into the skin, pinpointing nerve tips exactly. Stimulated a certain way, it’s capable of restoring feeling in certain parts of the body and eliminating pain. Stimulated in other ways? Well.” She was at the door. “I’m told it feels like burning alive. Or having a spike driven through your leg. One last time: where’s the gold?”

“Go to hell,” Petra growled as the thin man took out a long, hair-thin silver needle.

“The bad news is you’ll be half mad by the time Lloyd is done. Good news?” Sofia sighed. “There won’t be a mark on you.”

She closed the door behind her, to block out Petra’s escalating screams.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW sexual assault

Levi was going to get the fuck out of this.

They thought they could hold him? Turn him into some crazy bitch’s sex toy? Have him fuck her while the world blew apart upstairs and then make him sit by her side like an obedient dog? No. No. He paced back and forth from the window to the couch. He did not go near the bed. He could barely look at the thing. A light cough in the corner of the room finally broke his concentration, and he looked up at Sofia’s two bodyguards, both of them slabs of beef with hands that could probably choke the life out of a two meter titan.

But fuck ‘em. If he wanted it, they’d be dead in seconds.

But the bedroom door was open a crack, and beyond it waited another bodyguard. Levi knew that at the end of the hall waited another, and another, and another in a chain. Sofia had prepared nicely for him. If even one of them cried out, that was it. Levi’d never cut down all of them in time to save Petra’s life. Even he could not be that fast.

“Fuck are you looking at?” he asked the guards. They averted their gazes at once. Nice. Sofia’s thugs were tough, but not stupid. They knew better than to get into a pissing match with him. Levi did not get drunk for whatever idiot reason, but he needed a drink now. He poured a glass of whiskey with perfectly steady hands and knocked it back. He gazed at the ceiling, watching the flicker of lamplight play across its expanse. Think. He had to think. The yellow lightning was licking like crazy up and down the walls, across the fissures of his mind, telling him where to go and what to do.

But that red line, the color of heart’s blood, still pulsated in his mind’s eye.

Petra would die if he made a move.

There was a way out of this. Had to be a way out of this. Levi grunted a curse as he poured another glass and swallowed it down. He’d had a shot at turning this thing around this afternoon. One chance. But of course it’d blown up in his fucking face.

And then he’d tried to get Petra out of harm’s way, and look how that’d turned out.

If he could just sacrifice her, just accept her as a casualty in this cruel world, then he would not have to be a whore and hundreds would not have to die. He told himself it was love, sure, but too new. You couldn’t be so wholly enveloped by another person in a few short days.

But he did not move.

Once, Hange had told him a story she’d found in a moldering book, one that’d been leftover from some long forgotten civilization back in humankind’s infancy. Pretty daring to find it, much less read it, but she had. Told him about a story of a guy named Samson, the strongest man whose power resided in his hair for some fucking reason. Then he fell in love with some girl named Delilah, and she cut his hair. Sapped his strength. Destroyed him.

In this book, of course, Delilah was a traitor and a bitch. Petra was neither. But he thought again about that dumbass story, and he felt worse and worse.

The door whispered open. Sofia entered the room, closed the door so that it was only just ajar. Just in case. She approached him with her head held high, her mouth composed, but in her eyes he saw a hint of trepidation. Wise of her. This had to be like setting up a safe way to fuck a leopard. He had never wanted to kill anyone this much before, much less a woman. He could rip her to pieces in a heartbeat.

And one second later, Petra would die.

Sofia stopped a few feet from him. They stood staring at each other for a stupidly long time. The clock ticked. One of the guards coughed again, but shut up fast.

“Are they gonna watch?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to insist. Can’t be too careful.” Sofia shifted her weight, looking like a schoolgirl reciting a lesson to the teacher. “You won’t notice them.”

“So.”

“So.” She stepped back, sat on the bed. The sight of that bed now mangled Levi’s stomach. He felt a pressure building behind his eyes, a sourness in his gut. Fuck, he didn’t want to do this. Some men’d call him an idiot for not taking advantage of the situation, but he did not want this. Maybe the average man would, but if Levi was anything at all it wasn’t average. Finally, Sofia sighed. “You know that for this to work, we have to touch each other.”

He thought she might be offended if he made gagging noises, so he kept that to himself.

“Yeah.”

“So.” She got up and walked to him, this time drawing near. Without her shoes, she was about three inches taller than he. He hated that his eyes had to flick upwards to meet hers. Sofia bit her lip, shifted her weight again. Her voice now was breathy and low. “How do we begin?”

_By smashing your head into the wall._

“I don’t know,” he said dully.

“Well then.”

She grabbed him by his jacket lapels and pulled him close. Her lips were on his. She kissed him hard, practically tore the jacket off his body and began to unbutton his shirt. Her hands shook, her fingers fumbled. She made low, urgent noises in her throat.

Levi saw red, red streaked with lightning. His entire being revolted, wanted to shy away from her. He could’ve vomited in her perfect fucking mouth.

Snarling, he grabbed her by the arms and threw her violently onto the bed. She lay there gasping, propped up on her elbows. The guards took one step forward—

“It’s fine.” Sofia held up a hand.

“We’re going to do this my way. Understand?” He was shaking now, couldn’t help it. His hands balled into fists. He could have broken every bone in her body, but he was trapped. Imprisoned by love. Fuck him.

He went to Sofia, who sat up and gazed at him with wide, fascinated eyes. Maybe she liked it when he threw her down. She and Petra had at least one thing in common, then.

Quickly, like ripping off a bandage, Levi undid his shirt and threw it to the floor. He died a little inside to leave it there, but no. She deserved nothing but his disdain. He wouldn’t neaten shit for her.

Sofia gave a soft little trembling sigh when she saw his naked torso. She reached to touch him, but he grabbed her wrist. This time, there was a petulant gleam in her eye.

“I’m afraid this will involve touching you. Might as well get it over with.”

He could break her wrist like a twig—

“Sofia. Please. Don’t do this,” he said. One last chance. One last hope.

“You don’t want it.” Not a question.

“No. I honestly don’t.”

She nodded, looked down almost shy. “Well, I do. I’ve wanted it for six years. Since the first time I ever thought about being with anyone. Every man I’ve ever slept with, I’ve imagined as you. I’m sorry, Levi. But I’ve done too much and denied myself too long not to do this. So.” She gazed up at him. “Let me touch you, or there’ll be consequences.”

He breathed out slowly through his nose. He let go of her wrist, and she touched his abdominal muscles, his chest. Levi squeezed his eyes shut. It was like Petra exploring his body for the first time nearly a week ago, only then it had been paradise. This was a softer form of torture.

_Petra. It’s for Petra. Think of Petra._

He growled as he imagined it was Petra kissing his chest, Petra’s tongue on him. He imagined it was Petra undoing his belt—

He grunted, and threw her back onto the bed again. Sofia cried out as he crawled on top of her, letting the lightning have its way with him. A second, a breath, and he could kill her.

Instead he ripped her blouse, shredding it to pieces and tossing them away. The girl gazed up at him open-mouthed. Her breasts were on display, small and pert like hers. Like Petra’s. Levi tried as hard as possible to imagine it was the redhead here in the bed with him.

Levi was not an average man, but he was still a man, and his body and mind went in two extremely different directions at once. His mind was repulsed by this, by what he was doing, by what it meant. His body saw a beautiful young woman with naked breasts. He began to rise, and then to deflate. He could not seem to know what to do.

“Levi,” Sofia whispered. He shut his eyes again.

“My way. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t talk. Don’t make a sound.” If she didn’t talk, he could imagine she was Petra. He fell upon her, kissing her roughly on the mouth. She rubbed against him, her breasts pressed to his chest. He got hard, and hated it. He kissed her breasts, biting at them and not giving a shit when she yipped in pain. He sucked a breast into his mouth, choking back bile. These were Petra’s breasts, Petra’s stomach, her lips and hands. Petra, Petra, he was doing this for Petra, he was doing it to Petra, he could do it.

His whole body was on fire with shame and disgust. He felt like he was being flayed alive, helpless. As Sofia began to moan, breaking her promise, he felt himself jolted violently back into his reality, and he despaired. Levi had been made powerless as a child, but he’d never been sexually assaulted. Any man who heard him say those words, compare this experience to that, would laugh at him. If this is assault, they might say, I’ll take two.

But his body wasn’t his own anymore, and the fact that he’d lost that freedom—the one freedom every human being should have—was killing him. He was a machine now, something that fucked on command.

Like his mother.

_Like mother, like son._

And she had done this for him, hadn’t she? Kuchel had sold herself like this night after night, letting men she was indifferent to or even hated climb on top of her and take something intimate for a few coins. She’d done it to feed and clothe him, because she loved him more than herself.

Bitterly, he realized he had never understood his mother more than in this one instant.

“I said shut up,” he said hoarsely. Sofia’s hips wriggled as she tried to press herself against him. She wanted more. She wanted all of him. And if she didn’t get it, she would take his girl. Levi kept his eyes squeezed shut as he reared up, as he unbuckled his pants and unbuttoned them, as he let them fall around his ankles. He winced as he felt his erection waver and then wither. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make himself do it. Fuck.

“Fuck me,” she whispered. He gritted his teeth. “Levi?”

“Hold on,” he grunted, “and shut up. Shut the fuck up.” He spit in his hand and, eyes still closed, began to stroke himself. He didn’t even care that the men were watching his abysmal performance. He didn’t care if Sofia got impatient. He got a little hard again, and the instant he took his hand away he became flaccid once more.

He felt her hands on his hips. Her lips on his stomach. Her breath on his—

“No,” he said very quietly. He felt himself shiver just once.

“Let me help,” she whispered, and then took him into her mouth.

His eyes snapped open as she worked. She sucked him hard. He winced, feeling as if something were stabbing him through the spine. He was outside his own body now, watching her do this to him. Beautiful, young, naked, everything he should want, and right now he wanted to die. He didn’t want to touch anyone ever again, or have them touch him. Right now even the idea of Petra touching him was like acid. Sofia kept going, and he flinched.

“No. Stop,” he said. “No.”

She only hummed in response and kept going. Grabbed his ass. Took him all the way into her mouth, her tongue stroking him for extra stimulation. For some reason, that was the moment that pierced him. Before this, it’d been bad sex. Now, with the word no, it was turning to something else.

He couldn’t do it. It was like swimming to the surface of a river and taking a deep breath of air, a relief. He could not do it.

“I said stop!”

He pushed her back and fell on top of her, one hand at her throat. He gazed deep into her eyes, which were now the wild, frightened eyes of a hare in a trap. He pinned her to the bed, his mind on fire.

“Sofia?” The guy sounded concerned. Unsure whether this was Levi killing the boss, or just engaging in rough sex. Sometimes it was hard to distinguish between the two.

“Wait,” she said calmly. He had some admiration for her steel.

“Why are you doing this?” He bared his teeth in her face. “I saved you from working as a child whore. You saw what life’s like for women in that line of work who can’t…who don’t have it in them. You know what a nightmare it is when—”

“Someone is raped?” There was a world of meaning and stories behind the way she asked it, but he just didn’t care right now.

“When they sell themselves and hate it. You know how it hurts. I sure as fuck do.” He leaned nearer, his nose just above hers. “Why are you doing this to me? What’ve I done to you?”

Sofia gazed with quiet certainty at him. Then, she did the last thing he expected.

She began to cry.

***

She had been set on fire, then plunged into a freezing bucket of ice. She had been torn limb from limb, had her skin shredded with nails. All this and, when the needles finally came out, she looked the same as ever before. Petra gazed blearily into the mirror they’d set up in front of her. She had the same red hair, pale skin—though it was now blotched with her full body screaming, and the hair rumpled with her thrashing around. Petra’s eyes went out of focus. She sagged in the restraints.

“She dead?” one of the thugs asked. She heard him spit.

“We would be in a world of trouble if she were.” The doctor poked her. Petra hung there. He snapped fingers by her ear. “Hello?”

She prepared herself, and felt him insert a needle into her arm. It felt like a wolverine was gnawing through her intestines. But she did not move. Her breathing did not change. She’d been mentally preparing for this moment.

She was, to all appearances, unconscious.

“Shit. Better take her out now. Can’t tell us where the gold is like this, and much more and we’ll snap her mind.”

“Boss said she’d give ‘er back unmarked, not sane.”

“You want to be the one that tells Levi you broke this bitch’s mind?” Dead silence in response to that. _Bitch? I don’t think I’m the bitch here, pal._ But she stayed quiet. “We’ll take her to the next room and revive her. Then we’ll strap her back in and play again until Sofia comes for us. We need that information. I do not want on that woman’s shit list. Now come on.”

Petra remained limp as they undid the restraints on her wrists, then her ankles. She wanted at that moment to lunge up and tackle the bastards, pin them to the floor and make them writhe and beg for mercy. But patience. Patience was what Levi had taught her, and so she would be patient.

One of the men slung her over his shoulder and carried her from the room like a sack. Petra heard the door close, footsteps in the hall, the exchange of pleasantries with a guard, and then she was carried into another room. Someone lay her down on a kind of hard table, the crinkle of paper beneath her. The room smelled of linseed oil and turpentine.

“Get the salts to wake her up. Hurry.”

She heard someone open a drawer, and then listened to an approach. She felt breath move her hair as a man leaned over her. Almost. Almost.

When he held the salts beneath her nose, she opened her eyes and grabbed his wrist.

“What the—”

She grunted and yanked him towards her, headbutting him square in the nose. She felt the cartilage break, heard the squelch of blood. Fast as she could, she whipped up off the table and leapt to the floor as he began to cry out, then grabbed the back of his head and slammed him against the table. He went unconscious, fell to the floor.

Petra looked at the other thug, stunned by the doorway.

“You little cunt,” he said, and he said it like a compliment. He opened his mouth to call.

Petra did not care if he lived or died—she no longer cared if anyone lived or died, maybe. The pain hadn’t broken her mind, but it had bent it a little. Maybe one day her brain would slot back into shape, and maybe it wouldn’t. Only time would tell.

And Petra intended to have time.

She kicked him hard in the testicles, and as he made squeaking sounds while he fell over, she wrapped an arm around his neck and put him in a chokehold like Levi had shown her. He bucked, but she held firm. He slapped and clawed at her arm, but she did not budge. The adrenaline gave her strength she’d never had before. She hissed out a breath as he began to go limp. If she stopped now, he’d be unconscious. Another thirty seconds, and he’d be dead.

Petra let him go on second eighteen. He slumped to the floor, still breathing. She looked around the room, a kind of makeshift hospital with clean steel surfaces and cabinets with bandages and other crap. In the doctor’s bag, she found the needles and—yes—a book of scalpels. She took two, the biggest ones, and sidled up to the door. Her entire body was more still than it had ever been before. She found she was grinning as she imagined jamming these sharp little knives into someone’s throat.

One day, hopefully, she would be scared to remember these thoughts, scared that she had nearly choked that man thirty seconds into death.

Today was not that day.

Petra threw open the door and got to her knees. The thug in front of her wheeled around, but she sliced him through the heel. A tendon was there, and losing it made walking extremely difficult. Sure enough, the piece of shit collapsed. In his side holster was a gun. Petra grabbed it, checked it. Loaded, the safety off. Good.

She got up and aimed the gun as a man rounded the corner and charged at her. He opened his mouth to cry out.

Petra put her finger on the trigger. Half a second more and he would sound the alarm. Half a second more and she would be dead.

Her finger quivered.

_Bang._

A head shot. The thug slumped to the floor, his gray matter spattered all over the walls. Dead.

Petra lowered the gun. Unfired.

The shot had come from behind her, over her shoulder.

She knew by the way the hairs on her neck stood up that it was him. She knew before he spoke.

“Oi, oi, oi. Well, Ginger, looks like you picked a helluva week to visit the underground, eh?”


	21. Chapter 21

**A few hours earlier**

Kenny stopped moving when the first shot rang out. He looked up in bewilderment as the door beside him swung wide. A man came through it—one of _his_ men, Jasper or something. That man held a gun, and was pointing it at Kenny.

Oh. Fucker was going to shoot him, was he?

Then that first shot rang out, and the man holding the gun—Jasper or something—he took a bullet to the chest. Red splattered, blood painted Kenny’s face so he had to spit some coppery shit from the tip of his tongue and wipe his eyes. Eh. Levi wasn’t the type to create a mess, but sometimes you couldn’t help it.

The second shot was fatal.

Levi blasted Jasper or something’s head apart like a melon. The body slumped to the floor. Kenny stared at the unmoving remains. So did Levi.

“Huh.” Kenny reached over and tipped the door shut. Damn, hurt his ribs to reach like that. “That fucker.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. He kept his gun trained on Kenny; still didn’t trust him? Good. The brat could learn after all. “Now. About the thirty seven crates of dynamite—”

“Sofia bought ‘im out, didn’t she? Tch.” Kenny sneered at the traitor’s remains. “Probably gave him a good price for my head.”

“Interesting. Why do you think it was her?”

“’Cause it’s _that_ bitch’s dynamite I’m hoarding, and she’s crazy as a hedgehog fucking a thorn bush.”

“Yeah. I guessed you had problems with Leviathan,” Levi said flatly. “I came here with Sofia and her thugs to take you down. So I want to know: did you steal the dynamite from her, or were you just storing it?”

Ah. Little bastard had figured it out, huh? Kenny felt a small flame of pride. Levi clearly took after his uncle in that regard. Had a quick mind.

All around them, up on the floor above and in the halls behind came the sound of gunfire. Screams, shouting, and feet thumping. The whole damn place was in an uproar; they were under assault. Kenny hadn’t expected it, hadn’t thought it’d happen. But he shouldn’t have underestimated Levi. He knew he had the boy to blame for this shitshow.

Kenny should probably think about making an escape soon, but he hadn’t had a good long chat with his boy in so long. So he stayed relaxed.

“Answer me,” Levi snapped.

“Sofia gave ‘em to the Red Hand to hold until she was ready to move. I took the money for storage, cause I ain’t stupid, but I knew right away there was some serious shit goin’ on.”

“What are her plans?”

“She didn’t exactly get cozy with my associates, so fuck if I know. But people usually have only one simple plan when they gotta store a fuck ton of explosives.” Kenny spread his hands wide. “Kaboom.”

“And you were gonna take the money and help her out?”

“Fuck, Levi. I’m a thief and a murderer. I ain’t an idiot.”

Besides, the Military Police had been searching for those crates. Kenny had toyed with the idea of just letting Sofia do whatever she wanted, to be honest. He was a man of chaos, after all—chaos bred interesting opportunities. But he knew that her plans likely didn’t involve hurting the little people down below, and anything that went lethal up on the clean streets of Mitras would create something of a stir in the MPs. Kenny didn’t want to poke the hornet’s nest if he could avoid it. He had one dream, one goal, and tweaking the king’s nose wouldn’t help him at all. Neither would a pile of dead bodies in Wall Sina.

Kenny’d been ready to alert the police when the quarantine went into effect. He’d been impressed by how seriously they took it: he was a fucking captain in the MPs, and even he couldn’t get a message above ground. The underground gates had been locked down tighter than a virgin’s crossed legs.

_It didn’t need to go this far. I would’ve taken down Sofia and her crazies just fine if you hadn’t put your nose into it, you little shithead._

But of course Kenny couldn’t tell his cute little nephew that. Couldn’t let Levi know about Kenny’s position in the interior squad—or their blood relation, for that matter. Why didn’t he tell the guy they were kin? Eh. Kenny figured it was too late for any of that shit to mean anything. Levi was a man grown, thirty something now. He had a life of his own.

And besides…Kenny wasn’t meant to be somebody’s dad. Or uncle. Or anything. Wasn’t looking to step in now to be a family.

“So you were going to betray her?” Levi looked wary. Still didn’t know whether to trust Kenny or not.

“I, ah, got a couple guys could alert the MPs without drawing too much attention to myself.” Always tell as much of the truth as possible; he’d taught that to Levi once. “Then the quarantine fucked me. And _you_. You fucked me harder ‘n anyone else could’ve.” Kenny glared. “If you’re workin’ with Sofia and yah found the damn dynamite, then that means…”

Levi nodded. “Her men are guarding the cavern now. She has the crates back.”

Kenny jutted his jaw. “Fuck. This is a real shit situation now, ain’t it?”

“It’s too late for me to stop it. The whole shitty thing’s in motion.” Levi finally holstered his gun. Apparently he believed Kenny. “If it were just me I’d chance taking her and her men down, but Petra’s here.”

“And yah gotta keep her alive, else yah won’t get yer dick wet anymore.”

Levi tensed a little at that. Fuck, kid had always been a prude. Had always averted his eyes when he saw half-naked girls in the whorehouses Kenny’d sometimes frequented. Old Levi, for all his fucking weird tics and sour expressions, was probably a romantic at heart. Well. Sort of. Probably the type to happily shackle his cock to one woman forever.

Fuck, it made Kenny sick just to think of it.

“I want you to help me,” Levi said, glaring at Kenny. It was deadly, that glare. Could turn a man to ice.

“Why should I?”

“I saved your shitty life just now, for a start.”

“Yeah? And yah laid me up in this bed with half my guts ripped out.” Kenny gave a wet cough, maybe hamming it up just a little. “What kinda person does that to the fella that raised him?”

Something dangerous gleamed in Levi’s eyes now. For the first time, Kenny felt a real twinge of uncertainty.

“The kind of person who gets walked out on when he’s twelve years old.” Levi’s tone indicated he didn’t want to get into that right now. Apparently the guy was still sore about that. For some reason. _Kids take everything personally._ “And the kind whose girl gets molested by a fucker like you.”

“Yer not gonna let that go, are ya?” Kenny groaned as he shifted against the bed. Levi’s gun came out again lightning fast. “Relax. I’m just gettin’ comfy.” He leveled his gaze at Levi. Something about the younger man’s self righteous air, the expression that said Kenny was beneath him, moved Kenny to speak. “That girl’s gonna leave ya. You know it’s true.”

“Shut up.”

“Sooner or later, she will. I’m tellin’ ya now, Levi, let her fend fer herself and go hog wild on Leviathan. She’ll slow ya down. She’ll get ya killed. She’ll make ya sloppy. And yah think she’ll stick around once you start makin’ those kinds of mistakes? Girls like that, they want shiny heroes in armor or some shit. She thinks yer some kinda bad boy turned good? Some tacky fairy tale?” His nostrils flared. “We both know yer no hero, Levi. Yah might want to be, but yah ain’t.”

“Do you want to get shot, old man?” Levi cocked the hammer. His hands were steady, which made Kenny just a little bit afraid. When he was this mad and appeared this calm, Levi could do anything. “Help me. Escape now. Sofia and her thugs are going to tear this place apart. Who knows how many of your people they’ve bought. Take whoever’s loyal to you and get the fuck out of here, then bring them to Leviathan tonight. If we ambush Sofia and her people, we can retake control of the explosives.”

Kenny scratched his chin. “Interesting idea. So. What’ve yah got to make it worth my while?”

Levi’s face slackened a bit. He looked like he couldn’t believe what Kenny had just said. “Sofia’s going to _kill_ people. Whoever they are, wherever they are, we have to stop it.”

“So. Just because?” Levi wanted to save lives without a thought to how it benefited him? What a fucking pussy. Levi rolled his eyes once in exasperation.

“Fine. If she detonates those explosives, there’ll be chaos, Kenny. Things could get ugly.”

“Eh. I like chaos.” Kenny sniffed. “Look, I wanted to hand it off to the MPs fer a reward, but I sure as shit ain’t gonna go around sacrificing my own damn self to keep other people from dyin’.” Kenny snorted. “Ah, but yer still stuck on that hero shit, ain’tcha?”

Levi glowered at him. His eyes flicked to the corpse on the floor. “Tch. It’s disgusting,” he grunted. Probably trying to figure out his next angle, using this as a distraction. Actually, looking at Jasper or something’s long, thin, and very dead body gave Kenny an idea.

“Roll ‘im over and stab him in the side.”

Levi blinked. “Huh?”

“Tch. I gotta spell it out for yah? We’re about the same height, me and him. Stab ‘im in the side, put this on his finger… Here.” Kenny grunted as he tugged off the ring from his finger and tossed it to Levi. The kid caught it one handed. “Sofia wants me dead. That’s obvious. She knows who I am, don’t she?”

“Why do you say that?” Levi seemed wary.

“’Cause if I were just some regular crime lord, she wouldn’t have sent the whole cavalry in. Would she?” He narrowed his eyes. “Yah told her about me. Didn’t you?” Levi shifted his weight, clearly uncomfortable. “Tch. Levi, yer a stupid fuckin’ guy.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t abducted Petra, we could’ve talked it out,” Levi grunted. He frowned. “Hell, I still don’t know why the fuck you did any of this. The gold, Petra… Was it the explosives?”

“Oh, yeah, like I was dyin’ to get _you_ involved in this shit. Considering how well it all turned out, eh? Tch.” Kenny spat on the floor. Levi looked pained. Kenny gave it two minutes before the kid tried to clean that up.

“Kenny.” Levi set his jaw. “Help me.”

“Again, why?”

Levi paused a second. Kenny hoped the kid answered soon. Sounded like those gunshots and sounds of commotion were getting louder. Only he and Levi would be unfazed while the world around them turned to shit. They’d both been through worse.

“We were supposed to be partners. Remember?” the younger man growled.

_“Kenny. Hey, Kenny!”_

_Levi, all of eight, trotted after him, trying to step in Kenny’s footprints. Wanted to be like Kenny, apparently, walk a mile in the other man’s shoes so to speak. Little bastard’s stride was still too short for it, though. Hell, it’d probably always be too short; eight years old and he was still the size of a termite. Levi rambled up beside Kenny, tugging at his sleeve._

_“Kenny. When I grow up, can I join your crew?” Levi still had that little baby lisp going on; crew sounded like ‘cwew.’ Kenny stopped and whacked the kid upside the head._

_“Crew. C_ rrrrrr _ew. Yer too old to be cute, Levi.”_

_The kid rubbed his head. Kenny’s slaps no longer seemed to bother him. “Crew. Cah-_ rew _,” Levi said. Much better. They started walking again. “But can I? Huh?”_

_“Tch. Only if yah grow up to be taller ‘n me.”_

_“Oh.” The kid lowered his head to stare at his shoes. They both knew that probably wasn’t gonna happen. “Then…then if I ain’t on your crew, I’ll start my own and take yours down!” The little guy looked up with flinty fire in his gray eyes, a sneer on his lips. Disdain. A good thing to see. Kid had some fight in him after all._

_“Yeah? Then I’ll crush yah into the ground,” Kenny said pleasantly. Honestly, it made him a little warm inside to hear the kid planning to rise up and do him in. Meant Levi was developing the hatred he needed to survive._

_“Not if I cwush—_ crush _you first, old man.” Levi spit. It dangled from his mouth in a syrupy thread until it finally hit the dusty ground. Fuckin’ disgusting. The kid seemed to think so, too. Kenny laughed hard, and Levi looked surprised but pleased._

_“Eh, tell yah what. One day, maybe I’ll make you my partner. That sound all right?”_

_Levi’s entire face lit up, a sunbeam in this sunless place. Kenny hated that the sight of the kid’s smile could delight him so much._

_“Yeah!” Levi jumped into the air, then snatched at Kenny’s hand as they walked away. Wanted to hold hands, like a father and son taking a walk in the park. Kenny snatched himself away, whacked Levi’s hand. The kid pulled back, nursing himself, but he didn’t cry. Didn’t react much when Kenny smacked him._

_“Don’t touch me, yah little shit. If yer gonna be my partner, yah gotta act like a man.”_

_Levi puffed out his chest._

_“Yeah. A man,” he said. Then, “Partners.”_

_Levi had said ‘pawtners’, but Kenny decided to let it slide just this one time. The kid looked damn proud of himself._

“Ah. Yeah.” Kenny cleared his throat. Hopefully, Levi didn’t notice the emotion that’d snuck into his voice for one fleeting second. “Tch. Yah always were sentimental and soft, Levi. Trust you to remember a promise that ain’t even a promise.”

“Kenny.” Levi worked his jaw. For the first time, the raw edge of desperation tinged his voice. “I can’t do this alone.”

“Yah got Petra, eh?”

“Petra’s strong, and she can hold her own.” The next words seemed to pain him. “But she’s not like us, Kenny. She’s not a killer.”

“Anyone can become a killer, Levi. You know that.”

“She can’t. She won’t.” He said it like a fervent prayer. “She’s good against titans, but she’s never killed a human being before. I need to make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.”

“Hmm. Tell me, yah want to keep yer girl safe from bein’ killed…or yah want to keep her pure?” Kenny smiled as Levi twitched. Just a little, but it was enough. “They fooled you up there, Levi. Made yah think you were a hero. The sunshine, the crowds cheerin’ yer name, the swooning girl, they all made yah think you were something yer not. Yah need Petra to be yer delicate little innocent girl. Couldn’t love her if she ended up just like you, eh?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve never loved anyone in your whole shitty life,” Levi snapped.

Probably true. Kenny had never experienced anything more than lust for a woman. His parents, well, they’d annoyed him more than anything. He’d sort of liked his grandfather; grandpa had been a hard son of a bitch, but Kenny’d respected him more than anything.

But…

He’d loved Uri, hadn’t he? Not the kind of love where he wanted to get under the king’s robes, but it’d been love. Its own kind of odd bond between two odd, mismatched men.

And yeah. In his own sick way, he’d loved Kuchel. He’d hurt her because he loved her. Because he wanted her to be strong.

Same reason he’d hurt Levi.

_And I was right, Chel. I was right about it all._

“How do yah see this ending, Levi?” Kenny grinned. Getting his own nephew to shoot him through the heart? Well, it’d be something new at least. Nothing worse than dying old and feeble in bed. Much better to go out with a bang. “I don’t exactly wanna kick off, but I ain’t scared of death. So. How you plan on playin’ this out?”

Levi hesitated, clearly debating with himself.

The door beside Kenny banged open once again. Lightning fast, Levi fired at the same time the new arrival did. Both of them were too fast to get hit by the other’s bullets. Kenny coughed as Levi’s bullet shattered the wall next to him, releasing clouds of plaster dust.

“Kenny,” the new arrival said. Traute reached out her hand to him, not taking her eyes off Levi. They had each other in their sights, but if one fired so would the other. Two deaths, no victor. “Let’s go.”

“How many men we got left?” He was hurt, but not bad enough to stay in bed now. He got up next to her, and they began to back out the door.

“Five, including me. I’ve got your ODM outside.”

“Traute, what’d I do without yah?”

Damn, she was a fine woman. Finest soldier he had. Sometimes, Kenny regretted his celibacy, and the fact that Traute had zero interest in him or men in general. Real shame, that.

“Kenny.” Levi sounded fierce, but strained. He did not pull the trigger. “Don’t. You can’t walk out on this.”

“Yeah, stupid, that’s why I’m takin’ my ODM. Gonna _fly_. Tch. Shithead.” Kenny cackled to see the suppressed hurt in Levi’s eyes. Kenny liked causing pain to those he loved. Something in their sorrow gave him a little surge of adrenaline. He was fucked up. So fucked up.

Good thing he’d never been a father to this brat. Maybe he’d fucked Levi up, but at least he hadn’t made the kid really love him. That way, the boy wasn’t too messed up.

“I’ll kill you for this, you fucker.” Levi sounded ragged. But he didn’t pull that trigger. Maybe because Kenny really was his last card left to play in the fight against Leviathan. Maybe, just maybe, because he had some sentiment left for the man who raised him.

What a stupid fucking dumbass.

“Word of advice? Play the body off as mine. Otherwise, Sofia’ll wonder what took yah so long.”

With that, Kenny slammed the door and got the hell out of there with Traute at his side. They had to step over a shit ton of bodies on their way to the ODM, and then the far window. And as they shot away, soaring over piles of the dead, Kenny looked back just once. Wondered what that little bastard was going to do now.

Wondered what he, what Kenny, should do next.

Well, whatever he did, he was gonna make sure it was a good time.

***

“Oi, oi, oi. Well, Ginger, looks like you picked a helluva week to visit the underground, eh?”

Petra looked at the body in front of her, the badly injured man at her feet. The one she’d sliced through the heel. The guy—barely more than a kid—looked up at them with a red face shiny with sweat, tears studded in his eyes. Petra could not move.

“You gonna shoot him, or is that my job?” Kenny sighed as Petra did not move, and blasted the kid’s head open like a ripe melon. Petra’s entire body felt numb. She began to shake.

Footsteps in the corridor. Men were coming to kill them.

“In here. Quick,” she hissed, throwing open a random door and urging Kenny to follow her inside. He curled his lip at her.

“Tch. What kinda pansy hides from a few assholes with guns?” He turned his attention to the echoing footsteps, and Petra began to see red. Implying she was a pansy, was he? The old goat. Kenny was paying her no mind at all. “If yah wanna run away cryin’ and carryin’ on, that’s yer own busine— _oof_.”

Kenny didn't notice when she walked right up to him and kneed him in the fucking balls. His eyes bulged, and he doubled over as Petra got behind him and shoved him into the other room with her foot. She followed, slammed the door behind them, then quickly shoved a couple of chairs she found up in front of the door. After that, she rounded on the old, hateful man as he wheezed and tried to get his breath back.

“Yah could kill a man like that, you dumb bitch.” He hacked a little, stood up, though he winced a bit. He cupped his balls while Petra stared daggers at him. “And what a way to say thank you for savin’ yer fuckin’ life.”

“You’re dead. You were dead,” she whispered. Even as her mind spun, trying to make sense of it all, she found to her amazement that she wasn’t that surprised. In a small, strange way, she was glad Kenny was alive; if Levi had taken the bastard out that easily, it would have been anticlimactic. She stormed over to Kenny and shoved the barrel of her gun into his chest. He stopped fidgeting and looked at her with something approaching respect.

“I take it ol’ Levi fancied up the dead body and passed it off as mine, eh?” He nodded. “Good boy. Still has some brains left in that tiny skull after all.”

“I should kill you now.” Petra marveled at how serious she sounded. How much she meant it. This old son of a bitch had tormented her, fondled her, abused and embarrassed her and now she had him at the wrong end of a gun. Her skin was still raw and tingling from the needles’ torture. It’d feel nice to let off some steam.

“But yah won’t.” Kenny sounded bored by it, and knocked the gun away. He didn’t try to grab for it; he didn’t perceive her as that much of a threat. It made Petra want to spit in his face. “Levi was right. Yah don’t have that shit in yah.”

Levi. He was upstairs, trapped with that vicious girl. Only the thought of Levi could take Petra away from the desire to pummel this man into the ground. She glared up at Kenny. They didn’t have much time; already she could hear men banging at the door.

“Why are you here?” she growled.

“Levi invited me. Said it’d be a party.” Kenny winked at her, which made her skin crawl. “At first I didn’t see a reason to join up, but I thought. Eh. What the hell?”

“You’re going to…”

“Help yah take down Leviathan?” He sniffed, scratched his grizzled chin. “Well, I’m thinkin’ about it. But first, I’m just in the mood fer some good ol’ fashioned mayhem. These bastards took out a lotta my gang today, and I hate havin’ to replace people. Too many fuckin’ interviews.” Kenny spun the barrel of his gun and pointed it at the door. Petra stood beside him, her own gun out. Her hands, unlike Kenny’s, trembled. She swallowed at a lump in her throat. Kenny glanced over at her.

“Yer gonna use that thing?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” she growled.

“’Cause when I caught up with ya, some guy was about to squeal and take you down. Yah didn’t pull the trigger then. If yer not gonna shoot, Ginger, then holster that gun and do what yer good at.”

She paused, wavered.

“We’re going to get Levi.” It wasn’t a question.

“Sure, why not. I owe ‘im one fer giving me enough cover to escape.”

“You’re not going to double cross us.”

“I mean, I’d be a piss poor double crosser if I _told_ you I was gonna double cross.” He grinned, showing off crooked teeth. “But no. No double cross. Right now, Sofia’s the only woman in this city who hates me more than you do.”

“I’ll bet there’s competition for _that_ crown,” Petra muttered. Kenny barked out a laugh as someone started blasting the door apart with bullets. Petra leaped into the air, but Kenny remained nonchalant.

“Yer a real bitch, Petra. That’s why I like yah.” Kenny took out another gun and pointed both of his weapons at the door as the men started coming through. “But it’s not why _he_ likes yah.”

Petra gritted her teeth, holstered her gun, and took out her scalpels.

The next few minutes passed in a blur of faces and blood. Petra dodged all the bullets that came her way, bounding off of walls and slashing at faces and tendons with her blades. Soon her hands were spattered with blood, and she hadn’t been touched yet. She rushed a man pointing a gun at her, observing the panic in his eyes.

_You thought I’d just sit down and be your victim? I’ve killed titans, you idiot. I’ve flown hundreds of feet in the air alongside Humanity’s Strongest. And you? You’re less than nothing._

Petra roared as she slashed the bastard across the belly while he fired over her head. The gunshot was deafening, but her aim was true. He went to the ground, clutching his midsection, but he wouldn’t die. She wasn’t delivering fatal wounds. She wanted everyone to survive so that Sofia could roast their asses.

She and Kenny made their way into the hallway, Kenny’s guns blazing, the acrid smell of gun smoke thick in the air. At one point, perps came charging at them from either end of the hallway. They turned back to back, though given how short Petra was it was more like back to ass.

“Go,” he grunted. She didn’t have to ask what he meant. She was a good soldier.

Petra felt Kenny crouch behind her. She stepped onto his back and propelled herself forward, screaming as she sped through the air. The guy dropped his gun in his surprise, and Petra slashed him across the face. As he fell backwards bawling, she whipped around to see Kenny shoot a man through the balls, then the stomach. The poor bastard dropped to the floor with a thud, hopefully dead. Petra rushed to Kenny’s side and helped the old man up. She heard the creak of his knees. Kenny made a pained face.

“Ah! Tch, guess there’s no denyin’ age when it’s got its teeth in yah.” He looked down at Petra. “Fuck. Yer a pretty damn good fighter, know that? If yah’d only get past the not wantin’ to kill thing, yah’d be unstoppable.”

“I want to get Levi and get the fuck out of here,” she growled.

“Not much left of the blushing little girl I saw a couple days ago.”

“I save my blushes for the people who matter.” It sounded kind of stupid to her, but it seemed to please him to no end.

“Oi, oi. Yer all right, Ginger. In another life, we could’ve made a good match.”

“In another life, I’d have shot you in the dick instead of kicking you.”

Kenny scratched his forehead, tipped his hat back over his eyes. “Well then. Guess we’d better take the dance upstairs.”

She followed him down the hallway and up the stairwell, staying behind Kenny as he blasted men apart in front of her eyes. Petra winced, but stayed close. Every step brought them nearer and nearer to Sofia…and Levi.

_Levi. Please, Levi. Wait for me._

***

Levi lay atop Sofia in a stupor as she wept. She pressed a hand over her eyes as if to hide, but there was no hiding the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She gasped for air, and he raised himself off her a little. She was going for it, sobbing fit to break anyone’s heart.

Except his. Right now, he was fresh out of sympathy.

“What the fuck’re you crying about?”

Sofia wiped her eyes and gazed up at him. Her chin wobbled. Even Levi, much as he hated this girl right now, was taken aback at the misery he saw in her expression.

“Fourteen.” She choked on a sob, had to take a minute. “I was f-fourteen when you left. Fourteen when I went into a whorehouse.”

Levi froze at that, and had to look away. Was it his fault she’d become a child whore? No. Erwin’d dragged Levi out of the underground against his will. But Levi’d done his part to keep her away from that life, giving her bits and coins when she needed it, muscling in on guys looking to buy Sofia’s virginity. You couldn’t save everyone in this shitty, filthy world, but he’d hoped he could at least have saved her from _that_. Knowing he failed sat heavy on his shoulders.

“That supposed to make me cry, too?” he muttered.

“The first client I ever had…” She put her hands over her face again. “I wanted to stop halfway through. I begged him and h-he wouldn’t stop.” The last word was lost in an anguished howl. Even the thugs by the wall looked uncomfortable now. Levi winced. He couldn’t help it; no one, absolutely no one should ever have to endure that, let alone a child. Even if he hated this Sofia’s guts, the girl she’d been was blameless. He could feel sorry for that kid, and what those actions had done to warp her.

“So you wanted to see how the other side feels?”

It was a cruel thing to say, but he was so fucking confused and angry.

“Every man I’ve ever been with has used me one way or the other. I’ve only ever slept with people who’ve paid me for it. As soon as I bought the whorehouse, I “retired” from that side of things. I wanted just once…just one time in my life to be with someone I love. Just once, I wanted to feel pleasure. They say sex should be wonderful, and all I’ve ever known is pain.” She trembled, cupped his face in her hands. “Please, Levi. I’ve always loved you. I…I’d give anything for you to love me, too.”

It was a whispered admission, a child’s plea. Levi didn’t feel sympathy for this girl, but he felt pity, what Erwin called ‘sympathy’s thin, sickly cousin.’ In a way, in a small way, what had happened to Sofia was his fault. He’d left her with no word. He could’ve sent back something to the kids in the underground, Isabel’s old friends. But he’d left them behind, moved on to his new life. He could have done something, but he’d decided to become a hero. He had more important things to do than look after the lost and neglected.

Even if Sofia was crazy, even if she was busted beyond repair, he hated himself a little for just standing by and letting it happen.

“Sofia. Listen.” He gentled his voice. She blinked up at him, her eyes shimmering. “You’re sick. You’ve had all this shit happen to you. People let you down. I let you down. But you can stop the cycle.” He touched her cheek with some tenderness. “You don’t have to use those explosives. You can come up above with me, and I’ll speak for you. Let me help you now, since I didn’t when you were a kid.”

“You…you’d help me? After all of this?” She looked incredulous.

“Yes. I would.” He meant it. Levi would happily kill all those who stood in the way of peace, of freedom, but he wanted as few bodies as possible. He’d had a lifetime of killing in his thirty odd years. He wanted to see what was beyond all that. If anything. If he could save all those people in Mitras, and Sofia as well, that would be good. That would be a start. “So. Stop the plan. Come up with me. Talk to Erwin. See what the world can offer you. But let go of this hate. It’ll fucking destroy you. Believe me. I know what I’m talking about.”

He waited. The clock’s tick was the only sound in the room as Sofia stared at the ceiling. She worried her lip.

“I told Petra about the leviathan. The mythical monster.” Her voice started small and soft, but gained power as she went on. “It will rise up from the deep and swallow the cruel and the unjust.” Her eyes grew cold. “You want to show me a better world, Levi? I want the same for you. And I want you at my side when I take my first steps into it. Because I love you. Because we belong together. Petra is what you wish you could be. I’m what you always have been.”

“People change.” He bared his teeth, and pinned her arms on either side of her. There was no helping the girl, it seemed.

“I’m your home, Levi.”

“You’re what I escaped from. This city got its filth into you. I wish you could wash it out.” He shook his head. “But I’m not sure that’s possible now.”

“May I remind you,” she said coolly, “that if you don’t fulfill the terms of our agreement, my associates will set Petra’s death into motion. The dominos, once tipped, cannot be stopped.”

Fuck, all his pity evaporated and he wanted to kill her again. Sofia reached down and grabbed his cock. Staring into his eyes, she began to stroke him. Levi tensed, but he let her. He hated her and himself, but he let her because otherwise he would lose Petra and then he would feel empty for the rest of his short, miserable life. He closed his eyes as he felt himself getting hard, almost against his will. He pictured Petra’s face, her parted lips, the way her bangs slid into her eyes. Levi grunted as Sofia drew him down, ready to put him inside of her. She pressed her lips to his temple with a soft sigh. He wished she’d just shoot him in the head; it’d hurt less than this. He clenched his jaw, powerless. He, who hadn’t been powerless since he was a child.

And all for fucking love.

“Now you’re mine,” Sofia whispered, wrapping her legs around him and—

Gunshots echoed in the hallway. Levi jerked backwards, staggering off of Sofia as she sat up. They stared at each other, listening to the hubbub of voices. The chaos of fighting.

If there were guns firing, then that meant…

“Kenny.” He would’ve smiled if he hadn’t wanted to scream. And if Kenny was here, and the bullets were flying…

He did not know if Petra was alive, but he knew that his actions no longer had any influence on what happened to her. That was all he needed to know.

Sofia understood as well. Levi was out of his cage.

“Watch out!” Sofia shouted to her thugs.

They didn’t even have time to turn around.

Levi rushed the one closest to him. The two idiots had both drawn their guns at the same time. Levi, naked as the day he’d been born, jumped onto the thug and spun him around. The guy jerked the trigger of his gun on reflex, shooting down the thug next to him. As soon as one of them was dead, Levi finished off the other. He twisted the man’s head, breaking the neck in a heartbeat. Two large bodies lay at his feet. Levi grabbed the gun from one dead man’s hand and turned it on Sofia before she could even get off the bed.

“No. You’re _mine_ ,” he said. She glanced at the window, and he cocked the hammer. “Don’t even try it.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” she whispered. Her breasts were still on display, her skirt rucked up around her hips. He was naked except for his socks. What a pair they made.

“I’ve got a fucking idea.”

There was a loud sound of gunfire outside the door, and then it burst wide. Levi had half a second to wonder if he should fire at the intruder, but he stopped. It was Kenny. The old man was wearing a shit-eating grin as he surveyed the room. His eyes stopped on the freshly dead bodies, and then landed on Levi.

“Aw, Levi. Ain’t seen yer dick in about thirty years.” He tsked. “Tiny as ever.”

“Fuck you, Kenny. You could’ve gotten here sooner.”

“Eh, was still makin’ up my mind on what I wanted to do. And _you_.” He clicked his tongue as Sofia glared at him. “I don’t know why every gorgeous piece of ass in this town wants to ride this midget’s dick, but you got closer than most. Good job.”

“Put your hands up,” Levi said. Begrudgingly, Sofia did. “Kenny. We’re taking her with us. She’s going up to the MPs, and she’s going to tell them all about her plans for Mitras. And if she doesn’t? I’ll shoot her.”

“Charming as ever,” Sofia muttered.

Levi didn’t care about charm. He let Kenny hold a gun on Sofia as he put on his underwear and pulled up his pants. He didn’t have time to button them, though.

Because Petra came through the door.

The world around him stopped. All noise vanished, as if sucked into a vacuum. He could only hear his heartbeat, now very loud. Levi gave a shuddering release of breath at the sight of her. His shoulders slumped. If he were in the habit of trembling, he would’ve started. There she was, unmarked just like Sofia had promised. Still beautiful, with those fiery eyes.

And also a pair of bloody scalpels in her hands. Fuck, she was covered in blood.

His perfect soldier.

“Petra,” Levi said. He spoke her name with surprise and awe. She gazed at him. The sound of his voice seemed to excite her. She beamed, she glowed. She was his sun.

“Levi.” She smiled, looked soft and sweet and alive. He wanted to hold her, keep her safe against him. And then…

And then she looked at him. Really looked. Some flickering change in her expression stopped him cold.

“Levi?”

He saw her take in his appearance—his naked torso, his mussed hair, his undone pants.

He saw her look at Sofia, study the blonde girl in her near nudity.

Something shifted in Petra’s eyes. Something ugly stirred, drew near the surface.

“Petra.” Now Levi spoke her name with caution, put up a hand as she dropped her scalpels to the floor…and unholstered a gun. She pointed it in Sofia’s direction. The blonde girl began to back away. Levi snarled at her. “Don’t go near the fucking window! Stay put!” He whipped back around to the redhead. “Petra. Put the gun down.”

Petra was breathing heavily now. Her eyes were filled with hateful fire. Whatever was happening inside of her mind was big. Too big to be contained. The violence in her had to spill over somewhere.

It wanted release. Fuck.

Petra cocked the hammer. The click was loud in the room. Sofia began to visibly panic.

“Er, Ginger? This ain’t the time.” Even Kenny looked worried. “Oi, yah hear me? Put it down!”

Petra kept her gaze pinned to Sofia. Some kind of secret, unspoken dialogue seemed to pass between the two girls. Sofia shook her head, lips moving in a silent plea. Petra narrowed her eyes. A high, thin laugh escaped her.

Levi had never heard anything more disturbing in his life. Reason. He had to reason with her. He started off calm, didn’t want to freak her out.

“Petra, we need Sofia to help with the explosives. We need her alive. Are you listening? Petra!” Fuck calm, she wasn’t listening. His voice boomed now, but still she paid him no mind. “That’s an order! Put the gun down now.”

But she remained fixated on Sofia. She sneered.

The little redhead, the sunlit girl with the easy smile transformed before his eyes. Now she was something else. Someone else.

“Hey, Kenny?” Petra giggled, baring her teeth in the wide, hateful grin of a titan. “Safety’s off.”

Kenny reached for Petra. Levi took one step. Sofia screamed.

Petra fired the gun.

Levi could only watch as the bullet caught Sofia through the chest, sending her to the floor in a fountain of blood.


	22. Chapter 22

Levi saw it in flashes. The gun. The blood. Sofia on the floor, crimson staining her and the carpet beneath her. Amidst the cold, clinical action of his brain, he had time for a single thought: that the stain would be impossible to get out.

_I’m not normal._ He’d noticed it over the years, thought it to himself once or twice. If this reaction wasn’t proof of his abnormality, what the hell was?

Petra blinked, as if surprised by the gunfire. It was like watching some kind of demonic spirit leave her body. She transformed at once from grinning and wild-eyed to sleepily unnerved. She blinked again, looked at the gun in her hands. Looked to the girl lying in a pool of blood on the floor. Levi watched the millisecond it took for Petra’s broken understanding to connect the cause and effect. Her face slackened and her cheeks paled. She dropped the gun, whether because her hands were shaking too bad or she just couldn’t bear to hold it any longer Levi did not know.

“Well. Fuck,” Kenny said. Understatement.

Levi followed the yellow lightning across the room to Sofia. He stood above her, stared down at her face. She was still hanging in there, but blood smeared her face, was coming out of her nose. Her blue eyes shot back and forth helplessly, as if trying to find some switch to undo the last thirty seconds. Levi could not see where the bullet had entered her chest, but blood was gurgling from somewhere. She would not last long.

She’d been at his mercy, about to help him stop the explosion. And now…

“We need to leave,” he said, quickly grabbing his shirt from off the floor before half buttoning it and stepping into his boots. He turned to Petra, who continued to stare aghast at Sofia. “Pick up your gun. Hurry.”

“No,” she choked out. Tch. Levi was not angry, or upset. He was just tired. The yellow lightning crawled all over the room, telling him to get his ass out of here because otherwise a party of angry bastards was coming, and he would not like it when they arrived.

“Kenny,” he said.

“Pick up yer gun,” the old man growled. “Or yer knives. Do it now.”

Petra numbly obeyed Kenny. She knelt and fumbled for the scalpels, though she did not touch the gun. That, in fact, she kicked under the bed.

“We’re going out the window. Now,” Levi said, stepping over Sofia and trying not to see her. He drew near the glass, ready to kick it out—

His eyes widened.

“Get back!” he shouted, leaping through the air as two large men with ODM came crashing through feet first. It took no more than a second for the thugs to spot their dead comrades and their dying boss.

“Fuck,” one of them grunted. He took a pistol from his belt and fired.

Levi dodged across the room, grabbing Petra by the waist and all but hurling the two of them into the hall. He heard gunfire, turned, and watched Kenny casually walk after him and shut the door with ease. The old bastard shrugged, and gave a crooked grin.

“They won’t be gettin’ up.” They looked down the corridor, heard footsteps and shouts. They looked to the stairs, heard more footsteps. “Well. Shit. Thought I’d at least killed most of ‘em.”

Levi dimly felt Petra against him. She was shaking, her teeth chattering. She was contemplating her first. First kill. First human kill.

“There’ll be time to feel this, but not now,” he said. He looked at her, found he was unable to feel anything. Maybe irritation. He wanted to shout at her to wipe that pitiful frightened rabbit look from her face. This was no fairy tale world of good triumphing just for being good. This was the underground. “If you want to live, fight. Got it?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Oi, oi, shit but this’s gonna be fun,” Kenny cackled, reloading his guns and holding them up by his head. “Kinda curious what’d it be like to fight alongside ya, Levi.”

Well. He was about to get his wish.

Levi remembered most of it in flashes, frames of memory. The sight of ten angry men coming at him from down the hall, teeth bared, guns out. The arc of blood from his knife, Petra’s scalpels, Kenny’s gun. Kenny’s look of unbridled joy, the way he rebounded off the walls to slice another throat or blow off another head, moving with the agility and energy of a much younger man. The smell of gunsmoke and the burning pain of gunpowder as it sizzled along the bare nape of his neck from a bullet that’d just missed. At one point, Levi felt Kenny right at his back. The two men grunted, knowing without speaking what to do.

“Up an’ over,” Kenny said. They spun around as one, Kenny blasting the last of Levi’s victims through the gut, Levi swiping and getting one of Kenny’s boys in a long gash across the neck. Warm blood splashed his face, spattered his white shirt. Levi did not think about how disgusting that was. He could barely think anything. He moved as an animal.

Up and over time. Levi wheeled around, gripped Kenny’s shoulder, and turned himself upside down over the taller man to go feet first into the last couple of goons. They screamed and fell beneath him, their guns going off dangerously near his face. And Levi sliced them through the throats and chests again and again, the smell of iron and salt and copper pennies around him increasing by the second. He felt the blood on his face, felt it drip in rivulets along his clavicle. His shirt clung to him with blood and sweat.

Where was Petra? He couldn’t see her any longer.

“Petra,” he croaked. Kenny gripped his shoulder.

“Ginger went down the stairs. She got out, but we gotta follow. Come on!”

Levi let the man guide him away, and as they thundered down the stairs he heard a great wrenching cry. It came from Sofia’s bedroom.

“The boss is dead! She’s dead!” Footsteps on the stairwell, the blast of shotgun fire. Kenny spun Levi out of the way. “You fuckers! You’ll burn, too. You’ll all burn in the fire up above!” Then, like some holy prophet screaming his celestial truth, the guy shrieked, “Leviathan rises!”

Well. If Levi’d held any hope that Sofia’s death would convince the gang to give up on her murderous quest, that hope was dead now. Kenny shoved him out the door and returned fire, covering Levi while they raced away.

“You brought ODM?” Levi grunted as they turned a corner and ran hard down the block. Kenny coughed, slowed, clutched his side. The injury Levi had given the old man was acting up still.

“Tch. Well I did, but I got ambushed while gettin’ inside the building. I’m fine, but the gear took a hit. Useless now. We gotta run, Levi. Sure yer little legs’re up for the job?” Kenny snickered but Levi ignored the jab, looking up and down the streets for Petra. For the first time, he began to see a flash of light, feel the angry rush of his blood. She couldn’t be dead. She had to have gotten away. But where? And how the fuck would he find her?

“Captain,” a small, breathy voice called. Levi turned on his heel, found her crouched on the ground fifty or so yards from him. Levi raced over to find her on her hands and knees staring down into some kind of sewage drain. He breathed heavily, yanking her to her feet.

“Fuck’re you doing?”

Petra’s expression had glazed a bit. She looked not completely there as she pointed to the sewer. “The gold is in there. I panicked when I heard them coming for me, so I threw it inside.”

It was an opening so small only the thinnest, smallest person alive stood a chance of getting in. Levi crouched down and saw the faint outline of the suitcase in the darkness. There was no way to reach in and grab it; the case was about seven feet below. None of them, not even Petra could slip inside. And even if they’d had the ODM, the hook would probably have wrecked the case and smashed it against the opening instead of bringing it through.

Bottom line: the case was only seven feet away, but it was lost to them. Unless they wanted to take the time to pick out the manhole entrance and descend into the sewer’s tunnels and trace their way back, and none of them looked or felt halfway fit to attempt such a thing.

Erwin’s gold was gone.

Petra rubbed her temples in tiny circles, going faster and faster.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she whispered. Levi pulled her to her feet, looked to Kenny.

“Well.”

“Well,” Kenny said. They both started as volleys of gunfire began to sound from Leviathan’s headquarters, and as a mad peal of bells in a nearby tower began to echo throughout the city streets. Oh, no. No. Levi closed his eyes.

“What is it?” Petra asked. “More plague?”

Kenny sucked his teeth and tipped his hat. “A riot. In this city, gang bosses are “made.” Means unless they’re killed by another boss in open combat, like during negotiations or duels, their death has repercussions. Bad ones.”

“Leviathan’s going to go insane now. Blow up Mitras and burn down the underground,” Levi muttered.

“Because of me.” Petra clung to him with a soft sob.

“Less you both’re feelin’ like being ripped limb from limb, this might be our cue to skedaddle.” Kenny holstered his guns and took off through the streets. Ordinarily Levi would have gone in any other direction than Kenny’s, but the three of them were in an unusual position. Leviathan knew what they looked like. Leviathan would be looking for them.

Leviathan would kill them.

“Come on.” He kept an arm around Petra and hurried away with her, following Kenny deeper into the darkness, the voice inside of him screaming but his outward expression calm.

 

They followed Kenny up the stairwell into an abandoned building. Abandoned units were frequent in the underground, so filthy and decrepit that even squatters refused to live in them. Gross, but a convenient place to wait out a riot. They’d made it about ten blocks away, and already the chaos of Sofia’s death was rippling outward. Leviathan would begin by cracking some skulls and searching for the murderers. They’d offer cash for whoever turned them in, which would spark a greater frenzy. Pretty soon there’d be looting, windows smashed, bars and casinos knocked over just because in the cacophony no one would notice a little extra damage done. Notice, or care.

“Come on.” Levi hustled Petra up the steps. She staggered a bit, as though drunk. Numb with the shock, probably. Levi kicked open the door, placed Petra inside, then slammed the door shut behind them. The rafters groaned, and dust puffed in clouds to cover them. Levi rubbed his face, the hairs on his body standing on end with disgust. What he wouldn’t give for a good hour to clean this place. It was a couple of apartment rooms, with wooden floors and bare, cracked walls.

“Tch. So. This’s a damn fine state fer all of us.” Kenny had taken over the sole piece of furniture, an old mattress flung to one corner of the room. He was reclining on it with his back against the wall, hat tipped over his eyes, booted feet crossed at the ankle. He casually used a dagger to pick his nails, his guns resting in their holsters at his side. “Gonna have to wait out the storm in here. Without ODM, none of us’re flying outta this mess. And with me injured and you two rattled, fightin’ a whole mob of thugs would be a bit too much of an adventure.”

Levi paid no attention to the man. He stared at Petra.

The girl placed her back to the wall beside the door and slowly slid to the ground. She stared at nothing, looked at some spot past Levi to the wall opposite. The scalpels she’d been clutching slipped from her hands to the floor. Her breathing was steady, but shallow. Her pale face had a green tinge to it, her hair clumped into sweaty strands and hanging in front of her eyes. Petra was peaceful like this for a moment. Then, slowly, she began to make hurking noises deep in her gut.

“Ah. Ah.” She clutched her stomach, winced. Sweat clung to her upper lip. “It hurts.”

“It’s the shock,” Levi said dully. He did not try to comfort her, but when she fell onto her hands and knees and vomited, he reached down to pull her hair out of her face. Petra gagged and hurled again before spitting. Then, even though there was nothing left, she brought up bile.

And throughout this, even as he held her hair and helped her sit up after, even as he pressed the back of his hand to her forehead and assured her there was no fever and she’d be fine now, Levi felt nothing. He was hollowed out. His gaze lingered on Petra, on those sweet eyes now dulled, the pink cheeks turned sallow. Her chin quivered, and her face scrunched up, and she gave a miserable, wrenching howl.

“Quiet!” Kenny sat up. “Yah want company? Keep at it.”

He was right. In the street outside, the shouts were growing louder. Levi peered through the broken window, saw mobs of young street toughs tearing through the avenues, howling like dogs and rattling their knives and wooden, nail-studded clubs. They wanted blood, probably didn’t matter whose. Levi knelt beside Petra, trying to stay focused. He would stop them if they came here, protect her with his life, but he and Kenny were injured and tired and Petra was not functioning as herself any longer. If they were discovered, death was a strong possibility. Death, or worse.

“Keep it together, Ral. That’s an order.”

“Yes, Captain.” Her voice was lifeless. They’d reverted back to the military.

“Look at me.” Her eyes found his. Tenderness tugged at him, and he touched her cheek. “You okay?”

She flinched. She turned her face away from his touch.

“I’m fine,” she said faintly.

Levi sat back on his heels. He did not let himself feel how much that…dismissal…hurt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. She made a choked sound, kind of like laughter. He squared his jaw. “Because of what you saw with me and her?”

Him naked with Sofia, all but a breath away from being inside of her…

That snapped Petra out of it a little. She looked at him with shock.

“No! I… I know that wasn’t your fault.” She swallowed, looked at her hands. “You did that to save me. I know you did. I just…couldn’t bear to think of her touching you. Kissing you. Making you do that. I…” She took a few deep breaths. “I hated her so much for that. I hated her until I pulled the trigger. And then—”

“I know.” He wanted to reach for her, but she bunched herself into a ball and cried.

“I didn’t know it would feel like this. I want to die. I want to go to sleep.” Petra was hard to understand now. The crying slurred her words. Her face turned red, the tears ran down her cheeks, and she drew ragged breaths and sobbed like someone had ripped a hole through her. Levi looked back at Kenny, who appeared nonplussed. The older man shrugged as if to say ‘what can you do?’ then went back to cleaning his nails. There was blood under them.

Neither of them quite understood Petra’s anguished reaction. And that horrified Levi down to his very core.

“Petra.” Levi knew it would be better to take her in his arms and breathe sweet words into her ear, to stroke her hair and shield her from everything she was feeling. But this was the underground, and those would be futile gestures. Cruel ones. They’d only make her weak, get her killed. So he told her the truth. “You can’t be who you used to be. You’ve got blood on your hands now.” He knelt before her while she kept wailing. “You’d been through a lot. You did what you thought was best in the moment. You saved your lov—your captain.” He cleared his throat. “That’s something to be proud of. You hear me? No regrets, Petra.”

“Oh _fuck you_!” Her tears turned to rage on a dime. Levi all but fell backwards as she strained towards him, eyes raw with fury. “No regrets? Proud? I killed someone! I _killed_ her! She was human, and then she was _dead_. I regret that, all right? I regret it!” Her voice rose to a violent scream.

“Shut up,” Kenny snapped, but Petra was beyond anyone’s control. She leaned nearer to Levi, who did not know what to do.

“How sick do you have to be to look at a person you killed and go, well, too bad, but I won’t regret it. Need to keep moving on. You know who does that? _Evil_ people!”

Evil. The accusation was like a slap to the face. Levi’s nostrils flared. He ground his teeth before speaking in a clipped, even tone.

“Evil people like me. Yeah?”

“Yes.” She glowered at him, moved to press herself against the wall like an animal that would bite if he tried to touch her. She looked at him like she couldn’t stand the sight of him. He repulsed her. Levi felt himself tearing apart, and forced his reaction to numbness. To feeling nothing. To survival mode. “Evil. Like you,” she snarled.

“Well guess what, sweetheart? You’re like me now,” he whispered. “You’re a murderer. Get used to it.” That set her off truly. Petra got up, turned her back to him, and kicked the wall again and again.

“I don’t want to be you! I’d rather die than be like you!” She kicked until her foot started going through the plaster. Levi grunted, got up, and snatched her by the arms. He yanked her to him.

“Stop it! Stop,” he snapped.

Petra’s whole face collapsed in agony. “Ow!” she screamed.

He was hurting her badly, and let her go. She fell to the floor, lay panting on her side. Levi got to his knees, his pulse wild. He’d hurt her. He could never live with himself if he increased her pain.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how much strength I was using—”

“It’s not you,” she whimpered. Petra rubbed her arms, rocking back and forth. “Sofia wanted the gold back. I wouldn’t tell her where it is, but she said she needed it because she had a deal with you. So…she brought a doctor in, and h-he used needles on me. They called it nerve stimulation. It felt like I was burning alive, or being trampled to death. It h-hurt so bad.”

Her words were lost in tears. Tortured. She’d been fucking tortured by that monster bitch. Yeah, Petra was unmarked, as per the arrangement with Sofia. His girl wore no sign of pain. But she’d been tortured almost to madness by that vicious woman.

Her rage at Sofia now made more sense. Levi breathed out heavily with relief. She didn’t really hate him. No, she didn’t really hate him at all. He had to believe that.

“Hey. Hey.” He was as gentle with her as he’d have been with a porcelain cup. He bundled her against him, let her feel his racing heart, laid her head against his shoulder. “She can’t hurt you anymore, Petra. You’re with me now. You’re safe.”

She stopped crying. She did not move when he kissed her forehead. But when he went to kiss her lips, she put a hand to his face and shoved him violently away.

That primal rejection by the sweetest sanctuary he had ever known almost sent him over the edge. Nowhere. He had nowhere to go. Nowhere to call home.

“Tch. Levi, yah gonna let some smart pussy treat yah like that?” Kenny called. Levi pointed at the man, apoplectic with rage.

“If you say another word I’ll fucking cut you.” He focused on the girl again. “Petra—”

“Is that how you solve _everything_?” She kept away from him, protecting herself. “You cut someone, or you kill them?”

“You know what I am. You’ve known a while. Don’t pretend you just discovered that tonight. You’re upset because your hands got dirty, but that isn’t who you are. All right?” He tried getting near her. “You killed someone, but you’re not a killer.”

“I am! Don’t you get it? I am. And it’s _my_ fault. I should’ve listened to you when you said not come down here. I should’ve listened to you in the stables after the ball, when you told me to stay away from you!” She shivered and shook her head again and again. Levi felt as if the floor were sinking beneath his feet, dragging him down to some infernal pit. She should have listened to him, not made love to him, not held him in her arms. A mistake. A regret. All of their lovemaking was a regret. “I don’t want to be like this! It’s my fault. I wouldn’t listen to you. But I don’t want it. I want to get out of here! I need to get out of this _fucking place_!” she screeched, pounding her hands against the floorboards. The sweet, gentle girl he’d known only a few days ago had collapsed into chaos, turned into a wrecked shell of who she’d been.

He’d done that to her. He had, and the world he’d grown up in. They both had ruined her.

How many men had she watched him kill these last few days? How many threats, how many dirty deals had she seen him offer? They came as naturally to him as breathing, but to a normal person it was too much. He would never be normal. His fantasies of owning that tea shop, running it with her? Petra in a pink dress, him in shirtsleeves? What a fucking joke. He could never have that life. His soul was misshapen. No matter how many people cheered for him above, no matter how many letters of praise he received or audiences he had with nobles, he would always be the thug from the underground.

He was too diseased for love.

“I’ll get you out of here,” he said quietly.

“I don’t want your fucking help.” She dug her fingers into her scalp, put her forehead to the floor. “Oh god. Oh god, I can’t be here. I want to go home. Please god, I want to go home.”

Kenny had nothing to add to this. In fact, he appeared to have gone to sleep.

“Get up. We’re going,” Levi said. Petra shied away from him once more. “Petra, we can’t get you out of here if you don’t move.”

“I don’t want anything from you.” She looked at him with such hatred. She looked at him like he was scum. “I don’t want anything from you ever again.”

“Oh. Yeah?” He stood up, dug in his pocket. Yeah, the pendant was still there. He showed it to her, and her mouth dropped open at the sight of it. The fiery topaz that’d been proof of their love only a few days ago hung between them.

“How did you get that? They stole it from me.”

“Found it while tracking you down. What a soldier you are, huh? Can’t even keep track of a simple gift for more than an hour on your own.” He tossed it to the ground. Petra stared at it. “If you don’t want anything from me ever again, you can fucking leave it.”

“I don’t,” she whispered. “I don’t want it.”

Didn’t want his jewel. Didn’t want the best he had to offer. Didn’t want any part of him.

They all left him, sooner or later, because he could not please.

Levi felt invisible hands throttling him. His throat tightened with that fury. For one second, one horrible, violent flash of a second, he wanted to kick her.

_Violence is all you are. It’s all you know how to do._

What he’d just imagined made him sick. He walked into the next room, closing the door behind him so that he was in a space all his own. He crouched on the floor, tried to breathe properly. It didn’t take too long to get under control again. It was easy. He stared off into nothingness.

She did not want him anymore. He’d broken her. He’d made her a killer. Petra, the sweetheart, the bright angel of his squad and of his life. He’d made her as ugly and twisted as he was.

And it had only taken him a week.

What had he _done_? Levi rubbed his face and wanted to lie down on the floor and never get up again. He wanted this whole day to have been a fever dream. He tried retracing his steps to find the exact moment in this whole debacle he could’ve turned things around, kept them from this horrible place. But the yellow lightning did not lie, and it showed him over and over that every step, every path, every choice would have led them all right here. With Petra a killer, and her love for Levi gone.

_We belong together, Sofia said. She and I were both made in this place. Only we can understand what it’s like to be us._

Well, Sofia was dead and Levi wasn’t that sad about it, so.

But he had to take care of Petra. Even if she hated him forever, even if she never spoke to him again, he had to take her back to the sunlight. He had to take her home. It was his responsibility.

Levi stood, sorted himself, and walked back into the other room.

“Petra.”

The jewel was still on the floor, but she was gone. Kenny was still reclining on his mattress, eyeing the topaz with some interest.

“Think that’d fetch a decent price?” he asked Levi.

“Where is she?”

“Gone. Isn’t it obvious? Ain’t much room to hide around here.” Kenny studied his nails as Levi approached him.

“When did she go?”

Kenny shrugged. “Right after you went on yer little walk out, I guess. Wasn’t paying much attention.”

Levi did not talk to Kenny again. He simply picked up the jewel and slid it into his pocket and then stared at the door. She’d walked out. She would be back. She had to come back. Why wouldn’t she come back? Levi could not think beyond that. He would stare at that door and she would come back through it.

Once, when he was a kid, he’d stared at the door convinced Kenny would walk back through it and he had waited for days until he gave up.

Maybe the thing was that he’d given up.

Levi couldn’t feel anything. He just kept staring.

She’d left. Walked out.

The way she’d looked at him. Her disgust. Her hatred. She said she didn’t want to be like him. She never should’ve been with him. And then he remembered their first day in Mitras when she’d pulled the bedsheet over them after making love and giggled and kissed him on his nose and his cheek and his mouth, the two of them hiding under this single sheet like children playing a game. Lost in a world of their own. She’d kissed him gently, her lips caressing his face, as quiet and soft as if every kiss were a secret. She’d kissed him like he was something precious. She’d looked at him with the sweetest, kindest—

Levi punched a hole through the wall by the door. He retracted his fist, and then punched another. And another. The roof began to tremble.

Violence was all he had. All he could use to express himself.

AnAnd right now, he wanted to bring down the world.

“Oi, yah idiot! Wanna bring the fucking house down around our ears?”

_Yeah, Kenny. I do._

No. No, that wouldn’t be productive. Instead, Levi opened the door instead and stood on the threshold, gazing down at the street. Not too many people running wild down there, but Petra was still out there. She needed him, at least, to get her up to the surface. She needed him for that. Not for love, no, but for protection. He could offer that, if nothing else. People needed him for that, if nothing else. Why else should he live, but to protect her and humanity? He had to find her.

Kenny gripped his shoulder and threw him backwards into the house, slamming the door. The taller, older man rounded on Levi as he kept his feet under him and slid to a halt, graceful as a cat.

“Fuck’re you doin’ showin’ yerself to the world, huh?” Kenny spat in a corner of the room, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “She’s gone, midget. Leave her to herself. I don’t think she much wants yer company.”

Petra did not want him anymore. How could she want a monster? He’d degraded her, his angel, plucked her from the sky and torn off her wings and rolled her in the mud down below, all so he could penetrate her. All so he could contaminate her with his lust.

His fault she was broken.

No. Not wholly his.

“Kenny,” Levi growled, standing up. “You…”

Levi came at the man faster than he had moved in his life. If Kenny had been an ordinary man, Levi would’ve run him into the floor. But Kenny and the ordinary were far, far apart from each other. The older man had his knife at the ready, just as Levi had his. They clashed, metal singing against metal, Levi baring his teeth, his voice rising as it almost never did.

“You _ruined_ me!” Levi yelled. “You fucking bastard. Look what you _did to me_!”

“Tch.” Kenny sneered. “Ungrateful brat. I _saved_ yah. You woulda been _dead_ if it weren’t for me, yah damn midget.” Kenny shoved him off with a kick, and they rebounded to their respective corners. Levi was looking for any small opening for attack, while Kenny gave a rattling cough and a laugh. He was enjoying this, the fucker. Well, if Levi could just get him on the wrong end of a knife…

“At least I would’ve died without being this,” he snarled. Kenny rolled his eyes.

“What? Strong? The strongest? A big damn hero, with all the world lookin’ up to yah and pussy throwin’ itself at yah? So you lost one girl. Tch. She was too weak for yah, Levi. Didn’t I tell yah? Said you’d lose her when you couldn’t protect her from everything, play the hero she wanted yah to be. And if yah’d just busted Sofia and her gang this afternoon when yah had the chance, maybe yah could’ve spared Petra all this shit.”

“I had to stay quiet. I had to protect her,” he rasped.

“Did a fuckin’ great job, eh?” Kenny scowled at him. “Tried to save yah. I tried beatin’ yer mother outta you, but she always came back. Too soft, Levi. Always lettin’ people yah love have power over yah, which is exactly why yer gonna lose them all. Lose ‘em like yah lost her. Don’t yah get it, Levi?” Kenny gave him a pitying look. “If yah’d only cut out that soppy need fer love, nothing could stop you.”

“Shut up.”

“You could have all the fresh air pussy yah wanted, keep yah from bein’ such a grouchy little shitheel. But lemme guess, you wanted someone to _love_ you, eh? Tch. Bet that girl was yer first, wasn’t she?” Levi could not think fast enough, and Kenny laughed. It was acidic, that laugh, cruel and leaching. It stripped him bare. “Fuck, a man in his thirties sobbin’ his heart out over his first nut. That little girl’s got more balls than you ever will. If she makes it to the surface, hope she’ll find herself a real man.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I built yah to survive down here, Levi. Yer a freak, sure, ‘cause that’s the only way you’d ever make it in hell. And freaks’re better off alone. But yer too _weak_ to accept it!”

“If you say one more fucking—”

“And when you get up to the surface and Petra’s sprawled on her back fuckin’ some young stud with a tall body and a twelve inch dick, bet you’ll just skulk in the corner an’ feel sorry fer yourself, mope and cry like your mother. Another weakling.”

“ _Shut the fuck up, you bastard._ ”

Levi came at Kenny, rushed so fast the room around him was a blur. The two crossed blades, leaped backwards, circled one another. Levi kicked, flipped, and Kenny jumped back and propelled himself from off the wall. In the small space, the two were a couple of caged jaguars. They cut and swiped and grappled.

“That’s it.” Kenny and Levi were at each other’s throat, looking each other dead in the eye. The old man’s blue gaze was electric. “That’s it, fight me. Fight fer yer life, Levi. I got no respect for yah if you don’t go in fer the _kill_.”

Kenny’s knife came up, like a snake striking. Any other man would’ve been gutted.

But Levi was no other man. He would never be anything other than this warped, competent creature.

And the way this cunt had spoken of his mother… Of Petra…

Levi was that small boy again, taking every beating, accepting every whack upside the head. Fighting Kenny, biting, spitting, learning to stomp the weak into the ground before they could stomp him. Kill or be killed, win or lose, make them bleed or bleed yourself. All he had ever known.

But Petra had been raised in a world of sunlight. People had loved her, taught her manners, taught her to be kind.

He had been born in hell, and tried to believe he could become what she was. Some pure, light being.

But he’d been born a monster, and the best he could do was use those gifts in the service of those like her. Save them from the titans. Save them, and never live amongst them.

He had dirtied her with his touch. But he would not do that again.

But it was not Levi’s fault that he had no mechanism inside of him for love. His mother, in their brief time together, had shown him love. Kenny had taken out that piece of equipment, rendered Levi useless as a man.

And for that, Levi wanted to kill him.

Levi screamed, moving so fast that even he barely knew what he was doing. He knocked the weapon out of Kenny’s hand and then struck the old bastard across the face. Kenny spit blood, and made a shocked noise as Levi followed him to the floor. He beat Kenny, beat his body and his face, heard something snap, heard the old man cry out in pain. But he continued to beat him until there was blood everywhere.

For every time Kenny had hit him. For every time Kenny had told him to cut someone instead of being their friend. For every time Kenny had refused to let Levi hug him, or refused to comfort the boy when he was afraid in the dark. For every time Kenny had reminded him, over and over again, that Levi could not be loved, could not learn how to love.

For every time Kenny had saved his life by turning him into something below human.

For all the hours from age twelve to now that Levi had hated himself, trying to understand what more he could’ve done to make Kenny stay. Trying to understand why he, Levi, could not be enough for anyone.

For giving Levi a life that was barely worth anything, he beat the shit out of Kenny.

Finally, Levi stopped. His heart was racing, he was breathing heavily. Beneath him, Kenny’s face was swollen and bruised, his teeth red with blood.

Levi picked up his knife, ready to bring it down. Kenny grinned.

“Good boy,” he rasped. “Go on.”

“You want to fucking die?”

“Nah. I got my own grand dreams, and I’d sure hate to lose out on ‘em. But I’m not afraid of death. Go on. At least this’ll be interesting, dead at your hand.” The old man snickered. “Either way, it’s all a gas to me.”

“You mean that. Don’t you?” Levi felt blood and sweat sting his eyes, and wiped them away.

“Don’t disappoint me, Levi. Be a man.”

Be a man. To Kenny, that meant kill or be killed.

But Levi had seen grateful faces within the walls. He had seen Erwin smiling proudly, looking to the distance towards some promising vista that Levi himself could not glimpse. He had seen, for a few simple moments, a woman look at him with love.

The man Kenny wanted him to be could never have any of that.

_Even if I can’t have her…_

Levi stood up. He put his knife away and retreated to the wall, sat down with his back to it. Kenny sat up, wiped his mouth.

“Eh? You pussy.”

“Go away, Kenny.” Levi tilted his head back. For the first time in almost a week, he felt restful. The worst had happened, and he was still alive.

“Huh?”

“We have no reason to stay together anymore. Just leave.”

“Tch. So what, yer gonna take on all Leviathan by yerself?”

“And you’re going to selflessly stand with me and get killed while trying to save Mitras?” Silence to that. “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Go away. Leave me alone.”

Kenny sneered, wiped his bleeding nose.

“Think I’ll just walk outta here after you broke my damn ribs? I’ll _kill_ yah, boy.”

“Then do it. If you can.” Levi waited, and Kenny did not move. Levi took a deep breath, felt himself relax with it. “I spent years thinking about seeing you again. Sometimes I wanted to kill you, sometimes I wanted to rub my success in your face. Sometimes I wanted you to say you were proud of me. But I don’t want that shit anymore. I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want to know you. Whatever good you did for me when I was a kid, it doesn’t mean shit anymore. Let me go my own way, Kenny, and you go yours.”

The old man narrowed his eyes.

“This is a trick.”

“No trick. Go.”

Kenny remained.

“Yer just gonna sit here and cry?”

“What I’m going to do shouldn’t matter to you anymore. Go.”

“Tch. Maybe when I find that girl of yers, I’ll give her a—”

“Do whatever you want. If I find you hurting her, I’ll kill you. But I’d kill anyone who tried to hurt her.”

“Anyone except that little blonde piece with the naked—”

“Stop trying to get a rise out of me, Kenny. It doesn’t work anymore. Or are you afraid to be alone?”

That shut the old man up.

“Fine. Fine, I’m going. Ungrateful brat. Tch.” Kenny made an exaggerated show of stretching, took a while to make certain he had all his weapons on him. He shot Levi a sulky look. “One day I’ll bust _your_ nose for yah, brat.”

“Do whatever you want. But I won’t be looking out for you.”

Levi was so tired. He imagined that if he went to sleep right now, he would never wake up. And he imagined that would feel so good.

Kenny walked to the door, halted before it. He looked over his shoulder.

“Yah need me for this.”

“I don’t need you for anything.”

He meant it. Kenny knew he meant it.

The old man spat on the floor one last time, then opened the door and was gone.

Levi dug Petra’s topaz out of his pocket and stared at it. The bright glint of it was muted here in the underworld. Outside there was a riot in progress. Inside of him, there was only dead silence. Levi put away his knife, buttoned up his shirt properly. He stood, and stared at the jewel.

He turned his hand over and let it fall to the floor. It lay there in the dust.

Levi walked out, closing the door after him.

***

Petra walked blind through the streets, unable to see through her tears. Around her, the underground was tearing itself apart. Women screamed. There was the shatter of broken glass, the crackle of flames as people set garbage on fire. She coughed with the stink of the place. People shouted from rooftops, gangs ran through the streets howling with glee, unleashed and unconstrained by the plague, by the police, by anything.

_I did all this._

And Levi.

She hated him, she did. But she couldn’t bear to see how it had wounded him. She slouched against a brick wall, rubbing her eyes. Did she really hate him? Yes, she did. He was monstrous. He was terrifying.

But he was hers, and he was hurting.

_I can’t stand to look at him._

Because she’d killed a person. Because she could never be the same in his eyes.

Was _that_ why she hated him? Because to him, she had changed?

“I have to find him,” she sobbed to no one. She turned, began to stumble back in the direction she’d come. She had to get back to him. Even if they could not be together, they needed to fight together. He was her captain, and she’d abandoned her post. An unforgivable action.

Petra stopped, nearly running into three men who stood in front of her. She looked up at them, and saw that they were smirking.

“Let me pass,” she said.

“I wanna hear you say please.” One of them reached for her. “And I want to hear it with your mouth around my—”

She still had the scalpel, and swung up as he went to touch her. She cut him across the palm, and the bastard gripped his wrist and screamed in pain. Petra turned and ran, heard the three chasing her.

“Get the bitch! Fucking get her!”

She gritted her teeth. _Touch me and I’ll kill you._

If anyone touched her, she’d fucking kill them.

They followed her down the avenue, and one lunged and grabbed the back of her shirt. She spun into him and stabbed him in the side. He let her go, but the three of them crowded her, herding her back into an alley. They came for her with leers and grasping hands and cruel eyes. Petra crouched into a fighting stance, slicing at them again and again.

If she would die, she would die fighting. The captain would accept nothing less.

“Fucking _bitch_.” The one whose hand she’d cut lunged to grab her. Petra turned, but he managed to snag her ankle. She fell to the ground and kicked at him, getting him in the forehead. She crawled forward, feeling for the scalpel she’d dropped.

She had only a second to arm herself before—

“Oh. _Shit_.”

Petra turned her head as the three backed away and raced off into the main street.

Petra was not alone in the dark. She turned to find a pair of boots staring her in the face.

She had come upon someone who was, apparently, much worse than those who’d chased her in here.

_I think I’m going to die._

But Petra closed her hand on the scalpel and got to her knees. Like she said, she’d go down fighting.

There were two other figures standing behind the one in front of her.

“Underworld scum,” one of them rasped.

Petra reared up, screaming, and went to stab the—

“Petra?”

That voice…

She fell backwards, dropped the scalpel. Petra stared up at the green cloak with the wings of freedom on its breast. The tall man pushed back his hood, his features unmistakable.

“Petra Ral?” he asked.

“Commander Erwin,” she whispered.

***

Levi had to find her. He had to save her before he could save Mitras. Before he could save another human soul, he had to save hers.

He prowled through the chaos, looking for a flash of bright hair. Where was she? Where was she?

_If she dies because I couldn’t hold her and tell her not to worry…_

_If she dies because I couldn’t be a person when she needed me to be one…_

Levi fucking hated himself, and this whole shitty world, and the world above. Hate filled him so naturally, when love had crept so clumsily in.

It felt good to be back in his element.

Levi turned a corner, and stopped in his tracks.

Ahead of him was a figure in a green cloak. Hard to make out in this dim light, but impossible to miss.

Oh, it couldn’t be. Was it…?

The cloaked figure turned, seemed to start at his appearance.

“Levi?” a familiar voice called.

Yes. It was—

The figure pushed back its hood. Nile Dok stood before him, the Military Police’s badge emblazoned on his chest. The guy’s naturally thin, weedy appearance looked ghostly under the gaslamps of the underground.

“Nile. I need to talk to you.”

“As I needed to find you.” The taller man nodded at someone Levi could not see. Then he felt them all, a whole circle of them as they surrounded him. Levi did not react. He simply continued to gaze at Nile.

“Nice welcome party,” Levi rasped.

“Captain Levi. You are under arrest for disobeying a superior’s direct order, for causing mayhem and destruction of property, for violent assault and grievous bodily harm upon one complaining citizen, Arnold Krimpner, and for several counts of murder. Will you come quietly?”

“Nile, you fucking idiot.”

But all around him came the click of guns ready to fire. Levi glowered at the smug, pubic-faced bastard.

“Will you come quietly, Captain?”

“There’s another soldier down here, Petra Ral. We have to find her. We have to—”

“I assure you, we’re looking for Ral as we speak.”

“If you touch her, I’ll—”

“We believe Petra Ral is as much your victim as Arnold Krimpner, Captain. As is everyone else you seem to interact with.” Nile gave him a sour little expression.

So. Petra would be safe from their incompetent justice, at least. But he had to find her. Protect her.

But she was a strong soldier herself, and he also had the Military Police’s undivided attention right now, antagonistic as it was. And the clock was running out on Leviathan’s plan.

And Levi was not sure even he could move faster than ten bullets.

“Well, Captain?” Nile asked.

Levi glared, and put up his hands.

“Take me away,” he said, “and let’s talk.”


	23. Chapter 23

Petra looked at the sky for the first time in days. It was just before dawn, and above her it was lightening from a slate gray to a sort of soft periwinkle. Her breath fogged on the winter air and she placed the palm of her hand over the teacup she was holding to let its steam condense on her skin. She shivered when she took her hand away, the sensation going from wonderfully hot to icy in a second.

Hot to cold. She certainly knew that feeling too well.

The Commander had brought her up here, barely speaking a word as he maneuvered her through the chaos of the underground riot. Petra had kept her head down until her footsteps echoed and she began to climb a steep flight of stairs. Then she’d pulled forward, nearly taken the Commander to the ground in her desperate attempt to reach the clean air. She panicked then, her heart palpitating.

_It’s all right if I die. I just want to see the sky one more time._

Well here it was, and she was still alive. She raised her cup, blew on her tea, and sipped. The Survey Corps had parked themselves outside of the fountain district, setting up camp in a small inn. Apparently, from what Petra had discerned, there’d been no room for them in the barracks, what with more MPs coming in from Stohess to oversee the midwinter parade. Tch. Really, the MPs scorned the Survey Corps. Always had. Petra grimaced to think of them looking down their noses at her, at her friends, at…

At Levi.

_Captain Levi._

She nearly spilled her cup. Shaking, she took another sip and cursed as she scalded her tongue. Tears welled in her eyes; she pretended they were in response to the pain. Petra gazed back up at the sky, now turning the blue of a robin’s egg. Levi was all right down there. She was sure of it. The Commander would find him; after bringing Petra out of the underground, he’d first sat her down and gotten as much information out of her as quickly as possible. Once she’d informed him of where she’d left Levi and especially about Leviathan’s plan, he’d turned pale. Then the man had taken her away, placed her at the inn, and turned right back around. She knew he had to speak to someone about Leviathan first, but then he would find Levi. She trusted him to do that. Once Erwin Smith had left, Petra had stood in the lobby, blinking idiotically as she was handed off from one Survey Corps member to the next. They fussed over her; some hugged her; some slapped her on the back; a couple of the younger women cried. Finally, Nanaba had claimed her, gripped her shoulders and asked if she was all right. Normally the tall blonde woman never looked rattled, not even in the midst of a titan swarm. But she’d looked terrified. No; she’d looked frightened.

Perhaps they all liked Petra. What a nice thing, to be liked.

Nanaba had asked if she wanted anything. Petra had wanted tea and to be alone outside for some air. She’d been given both, and now sat on a bench with two blankets around her shoulders and a steaming cup in her hands. Petra breathed in the air, letting it fill her lungs with clean, harsh cold, and then expelled it. She watched her breath turn to smoke and rise skyward.

The Commander would find Levi. Captain Levi. He would not stop until he did.

Levi’s face…

He looked as if she’d kicked him in the stomach when she rejected his present. Then he’d gone into the other room and closed the door, and Petra had felt so very small. She’d stared at the topaz, its chain broken, and felt a sudden tug at her abdomen. It was like an invisible string that’d been tied to her gut, lifting her. She needed to go. She needed to run out of here. If she didn’t, she’d go mad.

She’d hurt him so, so badly. Her chin quivered, but her tears froze before they could fall.

He had to be all right. He must be all right. Maybe she didn’t…maybe she couldn’t…maybe she shouldn’t care for him any longer, but she wanted him safe and whole. And her arms itched to wrap around him again.

But…

She was a killer now. It was more than that; she’d realized just how much of a killer _he_ was. How many people had he finished off while they’d been down there a few short days? Petra had ended one life—the life of someone who’d hurt her badly—and she would never, ever stop hating herself for it. Meanwhile Levi could kill five people in one go and immediately have a cup of tea, want to go to bed with her, feel nothing of what he’d done.

No. He was too abnormal. Petra’s throat closed, and she ran a hand over her face. This was worse than watching him beat another man senseless. This man was so damaged he couldn’t even regret murder.

_I can’t be with him. I love him, but I can’t._

But he _had_ to be safe. He had to be. She’d do anything to pull him out of that hell…

Footsteps crunched on the snow. Oruo was looking down at her, his green Survey Corps cloak on, a black scarf wrapped around his neck in a way that he must have assumed looked artful. The young man’s prematurely lined face looked even more haggard than usual. His nose was red from the cold.

“Petra,” he croaked.

“Hi, Oruo.” She only breathed the words. Oruo sniffed and stamped his boots. Then he jutted out his chin, adopting his haughty impersonation of the captain.

“Oi. What’s the idea of storming the underground without us? Tch, I would’ve taken out fifty thugs if you’d only waited a few extra hours.”

Petra blinked. It was like she’d stuffed her head with cotton; she could barely understand what he was saying.

“Oh. I.” She swallowed. A lump grew in her throat.

Here was Oruo, bantering as usual, and she could never go home again. Never poke him during squad meetings, laugh together in the tavern over the captain’s rigorous cleaning habits. She couldn’t be his teammate any longer. Even when the captain returned, she could never, ever…

Petra dropped her tea. The cup shattered on the ground, the spilled liquid steam in the air. She hunched over and gave a violent, wracking sob. She filled her lungs just to sob even louder than before. It was that full-bodied crying, the type where you have to take a few shuddering breaths before the weeping shakes you to the core. She rocked back and forth, holding herself, wanting to go home. Wanting to be safe. Never again.

“Petra! Pet!”

Oruo sat down beside her and pulled her close. All of his false bravado had vanished on the instant, and he sounded just like the boy she’d grown up with. Petra let him hug her, wet his cloak with her tears. She sobbed against his shoulder, sobbed until her stomach muscles were sore. Oruo shushed her, murmured gentle words. He tucked her head under his chin and squeezed her tight.

After a few minutes, Petra finally started to calm down. Her breath still stuttered, and her nose was running, but she could breathe properly again. She sat up, though Oruo kept his arm around her. She looked at him, saw the pinched and worried look he wore.

“What happened? Really?” he asked. Petra wiped her nose on one of the blankets. The captain would’ve been appalled.

“F-First, I didn’t get to ask the Commander. How did you know to come back?”

Oruo frowned. “You left word for Commander Dok, remember? You said you were following Captain Levi into the underground. The Commander got so furious, he sent Commander Erwin a quick letter. Dok was planning to go after you both, but then the quarantine hit.”

Petra sniffed. “And he couldn’t call it off? Stupid bastard.”

Oruo shrugged. “Quarantine laws get decided by the lords’ council, or something. Not even the MPs can overrule it, just enforce it. Guess the rich stiffs are afraid of getting a bad cold from underground. Tch.”

Petra nodded, and gripped his hand. He squeezed hers tight in return.

“So you came back?”

“As soon as he found out what’d happened, the Commander was ready to return. He wanted only to take Hange and her group, but I insisted we come, too.”

Petra smiled weakly. “You?”

“Er, well. Eld helped. A little. Anyway, half the Survey Corps ended up riding in with us. Squad leader Mike especially. He said something about having chased the captain through the underground back in the old days.”

Petra thought of how Levi had been apprehended and brought to the surface. It would make sense that Mike had been actively involved. She wished she could smile to think of it, but any thought of Levi now caused her nothing but pain. She winced. Oruo, misunderstanding, eased his grip on her hand.

“Pet. What happened?”

Where to begin? She looked him in the face once more. A face she knew as well as her own. Her constant companion since she’d been old enough to walk. The face of someone who loved her, and whom she loved…but not in the same way.

Now more than ever, she wished her heart were different.

She licked her lips. “It’s pretty straightforward. The Red Hand, this underground gang, stole the money for the Survey Corps. Le—Captain Levi and I went down to retrieve it.”

“And did you?”

“No.” Her chin wobbled, but she kept control. “No, we didn’t. But we found some… We… We found a lot of…”

She couldn’t quite figure out how to tell the story, so he cut in.

“Y’know, originally I didn’t think picking up some gold would be a two person job, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe we _all_ should’ve stayed up here and waited.”

Petra closed her eyes. It might as well be now.

“It wasn’t a two person job,” she said softly.

“Huh?”

“The Commander could have asked Nifa or Lynne to stay up here and collect the gold, but he asked the captain and…and me. For a reason.” She glanced at Oruo’s face. He looked entirely puzzled.

“Why?”

She inhaled deeply.

“Because he wanted to give us some time together. Alone.”

Petra watched the dance of emotions play across Oruo’s face. First confusion, then consideration, followed by a look of consternation as he tried to put two and two together. She caught the quick quiver of his lip, and then the almost pleading look in his eyes that she didn’t, she couldn’t mean…

“Why, uh, alone?”

Petra bit her lip. “I think you can guess.”

“So.” He looked away from her, looked at the dry fountain. He took his hand off hers. Oruo cleared his throat as his voice cracked. “You, and um.”

“Him. Yes.”

Oruo took a deep breath, rubbed both of his hands over his face. He stood up, then sat down. He stood up again, faced her, hands on his hips. He said nothing. Then he sat down once more, and seemed to deflate a little.

“Was it going on a long time?” He sounded so tired.

“No. It happened right after the ball.” She sniffed, touched his shoulder, but took her hand away when she felt him flinch.

“So you were staying here to, um.”

“See how we fit together.”

“Uh huh. And did you?” His voice was so small.

“We did. We really did. But…” Petra bent over, put her head in her hands. “But too much happened in the underground.”

Mercifully, he did not press her further. As tears slid down her face, she heard Oruo give a long, deep sigh. She had known how he would feel at this; she was not naïve. Since they’d entered adolescence she’d felt him looking after her, waiting for her to turn his way. And she might have. She might have imagined that that was love, and been placid in marriage. But when she’d seen Levi, both of their destinies had changed radically. Oruo had followed her to the military. He was a big, bad titan slayer now, and proud of himself. But it didn’t change the fact that his life would have been radically different if Petra had never glimpsed Levi up on that horse.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last. Then she felt his hand on her back, strong and comforting. Petra sat up, her chin quivering as he pulled her into a tight hug. There was nothing lustful in it; it was pure, and strong. “Tch. The captain. I’ll… I’ll talk to him!”

“You will?”

“Yeah! About…stuff.”

She couldn’t help but laugh a little. It hurt, but it also felt good. Oruo kissed the crown of her head, a loving, friendly kiss.

She looked at him then, saw the kindness beneath the pompous exterior he liked to show off to the world. Saw how much he cared. And if only she could… If only she could…

“I’m really sorry,” she murmured. He did not have to ask what she meant.

“Yeah. I know. It’s okay.”

It was closing the door on his last hope.

And he accepted it like a true gentleman.

Petra hugged him hard, a bone crushing hug like they’d given one another when they were little to see who could hug the hardest. He squeezed her back.

“Tch. Still, if _I’d_ been here, this all would’ve been taken care of in an hour. You people are rusty.”

Well, he was almost a gentleman. Petra lightly slugged his arm, but they both grinned. She wiped her eyes, heard someone’s heavy approach. Oruo yelped, and leaped to his feet.

“Sir!”

“At ease, Oruo.” It was Commander Smith’s deep baritone. He sounded amused. Petra peered up at the tall, blond man. He was smiling easily; Erwin Smith had a certain confidence about him that most found irresistible. Even Levi. Captain Levi. Erwin looked to Petra, and she perked up. Did he have news? News of the captain?

“Sir?” she whispered.

“Oruo, would you give us a moment of privacy, please?”

“O-Of course, sir! Yes, sir!” Oruo snapped a salute about three times before awkwardly bowing out of the way. Petra and the Commander watched him as he nearly ran into the inn’s front door.

“What an original man,” the Commander said flatly. He looked to her, his wide blue eyes curious and alive. “Now then. We need to talk, Petra.”

***

So this was the girl. Erwin could not help but look at her with that title stamped across her face: The Girl. The one who had moved Levi’s heart, caught his eye, filled his bed. Erwin could barely picture Levi in the throes of passion, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. The man had always been a stony enigma.

This girl had to be very special, then. Even though she did not look the part.

Erwin had a detached but real fondness for every single one of his subordinates. They were men and women who gladly threw themselves into the near embrace of annihilation every time they followed him outside the walls. Anyone who dedicated their hearts to his service had his true and deep respect, and Petra Ral was no exception. The strange way he evaluated her now, almost like appraising the rival for a potential lover, felt bizarre.

Erwin always looked at his people as soldiers first. Men, women, it made no difference. But when he’d had a few drinks and was being honest with himself, he picked over them in the quiet of his mind, pointing out flaws and strengths alike. Petra Ral had always struck him the same way many young women who joined the Corps did: she was a bright, brave, well-scrubbed girl with not much imagination or depth. The perfect soldier, really. He’d seen her speaking with friends at meal times, heard the occasional snippet of their conversation. They might speak of killing blows, or they might discuss some new romantic novel. A girl of sense, to whom details were important and flights of fancy rare. A nice girl. A good soldier. He valued her, appreciated her, and rarely thought of her.

He’d been surprised by Levi’s belief in the girl. Soon after she’d been recruited, Levi had mentioned her aptitude. Erwin had blinked, trying to recall which little redhead he meant.

“Oh, yes. Her.” Erwin had frowned. “Not much heft behind her swing, but light on the ODM. An excellent assistant, but I can’t see her being of much use against a fifteen meter.” Privately, Erwin had thought the girl would not last six months. It had made him bitter to think on it, to think on any young innocent throwing themselves into an early grave, but he’d been in the Corps long enough to become just a bit desensitized to the whole thing.

“See, I think you’re wrong.” Levi’d frowned. “She’s got what it takes to be an elite.”

“Ah.” Erwin had lifted his eyebrows. “Well, if you’re sure?”

“She’s almost as agile as me. She’s quick. And more than that, she’s fearless. I mean, apart from when she pissed her pants. Tch. Disgusting.”

“That doesn’t make up for a lack of physical strength.”

“Keep putting her in my squad when we do team ups. I’ll show you.”

This was back before Levi had assembled a squad of his own, when he’d floated here and there between units like a deadly, grumpy butterfly. And Erwin had obliged him, put the girl with him more often than not. By the time Petra Ral amassed ten titan kills, Erwin was admittedly stunned. And Levi had been proud, though he did not show it.

So, yes. Erwin appreciated Petra. But all he saw before him was a shivering, crying girl. He was moved then to bring her inside and put her before the fire. She could be of no more use today; let her rest.

“Would you like to go inside?” he said gently. But she shook her head, fixed him with a wide stare.

“Sir, I like it out here. The cold keeps me awake.”

“Very well.” He did not sit, and she awkwardly stood. Even on her feet, she barely came up to his shoulder.

“Can I ask something? Do you know where the captain is?”

“I’m afraid not. We’re searching, though in truth I’m not that concerned for Levi. I’m more worried about this Leviathan you mentioned. I’ve just been to the palace, and they’re securing the king as we speak. Now, did this Sofia tell you anything at all about where exactly she planned to detonate these explosives?”

Petra shook her head. “No. I’m sorry, but…it’ll probably be somewhere near the parade. She mentioned how many people would be in Mitras for it.”

Indeed. The parade would be very well attended. Partly why it’d been a miracle his Corps could secure lodgings at all. Erwin pressed his lips together, considered the girl. The sun had begun to rise, and it brightened the crown of her fiery red hair. Like a halo, perhaps. Erwin wryly admitted that it fit well. She was Levi’s angel, anyway.

“So you believe it will be along the route?”

“That’d be my guess.”

“Any idea where?” The parade route was over a mile long, straight through the heart of the city. Again, she shook her head.

“It’s my fault,” she said softly. He frowned.

“Beg pardon?”

“It’s my fault we don’t know.” She looked at him with a level gaze. Erwin was taken aback by how fierce she appeared. How resolute. Nothing of crying or sentiment now. “Levi had her under control. He was going to bring her up here to tell the MPs everything she knew. But I shot her. I killed her. That’s why we don’t know their plan now.” Her brow furrowed. “It…it’s my fault.”

It was, admittedly, an inconvenience. But Petra Ral did not seem the type to walk around happily murdering people on a whim.

“She must have done terrible things.”

“Oh, she did.” Petra’s gaze slid out of focus. She looked over Erwin’s shoulder to the rising sun, a flicker of disgust crossing her features. She did not blush or stammer or appear fearful at his presence, the way many did. Now she had seen monsters far greater than he, though Erwin doubted many were more cunning.

Her indifference to his presence piqued his interest. It was refreshing.

“What, if I may ask—”

“She tortured me and tried to fuck the captain against his will.” Her response was hard and dry, the corners cut cleanly on every syllable. That quiet nonchalance mixed with those delicate, youthful features… Well. For the first time, Erwin Smith believed he saw what Levi had found so enticing about this girl.

“Then I don’t think anyone blames you for your decision,” he said gently. “I certainly don’t.”

He couldn’t quite tell in the rising light, but he thought she blushed. It was such a pretty, feminine thing to do that he found he did not know what to say next.

“Sir. I’m sorry, but I also lost your gold.” She said that to her feet. Erwin had the irrational urge to lift her chin.

“My. You sound like a true detriment to this operation.”

He meant it lightly, as a tease, but she looked at him with boldness and hurt gleaming in her eyes.

“The underground is more dangerous than I thought it would be.”

“It is. I recall it being a true wasteland even six years ago. I doubt it’s improved since.”

“You chased the captain down and forced him into the Survey Corps. Is that true? It’s what he told me.”

“It is.” Erwin imagined he had felt it in the moment he crossed blades with Levi, back when the man was younger and wild and dressed in those absurd puffed peacock clothes of his. Erwin had felt the thrill of destiny run through his body when he’d looked into the smaller, younger man’s flat gray eyes. He’d seen the challenger that lurked within that deceptively small frame, the monster in the man. Erwin had seen his champion.

And Petra had seen only a man. Someone to love.

Sometimes Erwin cursed his own ambition. It kept such a distance between him and the world. Even those he cherished most.

No. No, Levi would be all right down there. Erwin worried for the man’s heart, not his life. Because this girl kept saying ‘the captain’ with distance and reserve.

Except…wasn’t it exactly what Erwin had hoped for, secretly? That a few days together would be enough to destroy this nascent fluttering between his best officer and one of the soldiers in his unit?

Enough. Enough worrying and schemes. Erwin had time for that. Once Mitras was secure and the explosives uncovered, there would be much more time to worry about his captain.

And if Levi would only turn up…

“Commander Smith?” a man called. Erwin glanced over at a rather short, portly man with thinning hair and, honestly, the most incredible blue eyes he had ever seen.

“Lord Reiss.” Erwin sketched a quick bow. Petra merely stared, dumbfounded. Behind Rod Reiss, a couple of Military Police arrived. They saluted Erwin and Petra, who saluted back.

“Well?” Erwin looked to the one on the right, a tall, sandy-haired man. The fellow shook his head.

“Nothing in the tunnel district. Not a single stick of dynamite.”

Petra made an aggrieved noise. Erwin frowned.

“They might have already moved the contraband in the riot. If you’d check the parade—”

“Floats? Yes sir, we did. Every single one. All twelve. And there isn’t a single stick of dynamite on them, either.” The MP gave a slightly mocking smile. Even this underling felt he could sneer at the Survey Corps.

Once, Erwin had thought for the briefest of moments of joining their ranks and marrying the woman he loved. He was beyond grateful he had chosen this path instead. It was barren, and lonely, and painful, but at least it was true.

“Check again,” Petra snapped. All the men finally seemed to notice her. She glowered at them, her lip curled in a sullen imitation of Levi. A pitch perfect one, really.

“And you are?” the MP drawled.

“Petra Ral of the Survey Corps,” she said through gritted teeth. She bared them in an animalistic attempt at a smile. “And I’m telling you, there’s going to be a massive attack during this parade.”

“We will continue to look,” Reiss said, holding up a soft, small hand. He spoke to Petra as if she were a child in need of soothing, which only irritated the girl more. Erwin could not blame her. “And we will continue to keep the king secure. But we cannot conjure up dynamite that isn’t there. Now, Miss, are you _sure_ you saw—”

“Thirty seven crates of dynamite? Yes. They tortured me, but they didn’t wipe my memory.” She was blazing with anger now. Levi’s gentle little dove transformed into a hawk in one fell swoop. Impressive. Erwin cleared his throat and stood between the two people. My, but they were both so entirely short. He might as well be a wall for all they could see each other now.

“My soldiers would be only too happy to help if the Military Police find themselves stretched too thin,” he said smoothly. The sandy-haired MP’s cheeks flamed.

“This is our job, Commander. If we ever want to go outside the walls to fight titans, then we’ll let you know and listen to _your_ instructions. We’re telling you that there is no trace anywhere of thirty seven crates of anything.”

Petra looked around Erwin, her gaze powerful enough to set the young man back on his heels.

“If you can’t find thirty seven crates of dynamite, maybe you’re not that good at your job!”

“Petra. Enough.” At Erwin’s look, she sidled back into his shadow. Honestly, one sullen Levi was more than enough to deal with. And on that note… “My captain. Levi. Has he been found yet? My own search party has yet to return.”

Erwin did not really expect an answer. After all, there was still a riot surging beneath their feet, and Levi was not the type to quit until a job was completed. If the explosives were still out there, he would find them. Erwin felt a bit more secure than he probably should have felt knowing that his captain was on the prowl.

But the two MPs exchanged honestly baffled looks. Erwin felt himself grow very still.

“What?” he asked.

“No one informed you, sir? Captain Levi is with Commander Dok back at headquarters. He was arrested on charges of destruction of property, assault, and murder.”

Behind him, Petra gasped. Erwin felt the ground give way beneath his feet, his world shifting so rapidly that he half-believed the riot had broken through the pavement, and he was tumbling down into the underground with the rest of the degenerates.

“What?” he said dully. Lord Reiss casually and carefully stepped aside. The sandy-haired MP swallowed loudly.

“Uh, h-he was arrested on charges of—”

But Erwin was already in motion. Leaving Petra and the idiot policemen behind, he walked steadily in the direction of the MP barracks, his pulse thunder in his ears. He squared his jaw. Nile finally had what he wanted, eh? Levi detained on a charge of murder, the penalty for which was hanging. Nile likely could not wait to build the gallows.

_Not while I draw breath, he won’t._

This day was already a nightmare, and it had only just begun.


	24. Chapter 24

The pain was a release. He liked the pain. He could concentrate on it, and it alone. Levi felt the fist collide with his face, and let his head snap to the left. The sweet throb of his cheek, which promised a bruise the size of an apple, was peace to him. When he was hurting, he could not think of Petra. He could not think of the love lost. He could not think about how he’d fucked everything up for her, for Erwin, for Mitras, for all of them. He did not have to think, or to feel. Just become the pain.

Pain was where he felt the most at home.

“Look at him. Fuckin’ look at him!” His tormenter snickered, and a chorus of chuckles erupted around him. Levi had his eyes closed, but he felt the guy lean in nearer. Shitty breath that stank of onions wafted over him. “Humanity’s Strongest? Pssh. How’d a runt like this ever slaughter a buncha titans, huh?”

“Bet the Survey Corps just says he’s the strongest for show. Heh. They stick him up on a horse and ride him around the towns to prove to the naïve recruits that _anyone_ can kill titans. Heard he’s Commander Erwin’s little lapdog.”

More snickering. Ah, yeah. Levi was coming back to the surface of reality. And time was wasting. He spat, tasting blood with the saliva, and opened his eyes. One of them was hard to open, already swelling. He’d have to cut it later to let it bleed. The MPs surrounding him looked on the young side. Probably hadn’t been at it five years, the standard mark of a veteran. Teenage acne, downy patches of chin hair, the works. The kids all glared at him, or looked on with contempt. A couple of the smarter ones took a step back.

“Thanks,” Levi said before he spat again. “I needed that. Loosened me up.”

“Yeah. Right,” the snickering one said.

“It’s been fun, kids, but now I want you to get Commander Dok in here. Time’s wasting before the parade. I need him to hear what I have to say.”

“Tch. Like the Commander’s got time to come and talk to some fuckin’ murderer.”

“You don’t want to test me. I’ve had a rough night, and to be honest I’d really, really like to hurt someone so I can stop feeling so bad.”

Maybe it was the evenness in his tone, not a note of bragging, just a recitation of facts that made them all quiet. Lips twitched. Eyes narrowed. The smarter ones took another step towards the door.

“So,” Levi said, sitting up straight. He’d been tied to a chair, hands behind his back, but it was no matter. “Are you gonna get the Commander?”

“Fuck you, underground piece of shit.” Actual rage filled the boy’s eyes. Yeah, the underground churned out subhumans and monsters, didn’t it? Levi was the very sparkling product of such an upbringing. And he knew all its tricks and dirty moves.

He shoved back so that the front legs of the chair left the ground, and delivered a devastating kick straight to the kid’s stomach. Levi wrinkled his nose as the boy doubled over and vomited all over the ground, right next to Levi’s boots. Trying to breathe, he slumped over onto his side, curled up in a ball. The others in the room—Levi counted five or six—gaped at him in horror.

“So.” He sniffed. “Who’s getting the Commander?”

Two of them ran for him at once, likely expecting another kick. Instead he leaned his weight forward, lifting the chair off the ground, and ran back at the wall. He leapt so hard that the chair shattered behind him, though his hands were still bound. He stepped out of the rope that’d been tied to his midsection and delivered a high kick into one guy’s face. Teeth and blood showered onto the floor. The other guy tried to skid to a stop, but too late. Levi ran forward and somersaulted through the air, getting the kid straight in the stomach. More vomit. More moaning. Levi hit the floor, timed it, and jumped up, pulling his legs in as he swung his bound arms down and around his feet. Now his hands, though still tied, were in front of him. Three others in the room were still standing. He sniffed.

“Anyone else?”

Two of them pulled guns, while one pressed against the door. Levi narrowed his eyes. Secretly he’d been hoping that someone would take this to the next level. He wanted to ride the line. He wanted pain that danced on the knife’s edge from death. He wanted to be the monster Petra had seen when she’d looked at him. If he couldn’t have love, he could have fear. Kenny would approve.

Fuck Kenny. And fuck Levi, too.

“Ah.” He made a dodge forward, and the guns trained on him. Too fast for them to believe, he leapt back and planted his feet against the wall, hurtling himself into one of them and bringing him down to the floor. The gun went off by accident, fired into the ceiling. Levi’d heard louder this week. He managed to wrap his legs around the kid’s neck and had him unconscious in a few seconds flat. The other soldier was shaking so hard as Levi stood that he nearly dropped the gun. The door was open; the other had already fled.

“So,” Levi said. “You wanna play, or go with your friend?”

With a cry, the boy dropped the gun and bolted out of the room. Levi kicked both guns far away from the moaning or unconscious soldiers and then nudged the door closed with the toe of his boot. Sniffing, he raised his tied hands and wiped at the blood in his eyes. The pain had been good, been necessary, but fuck if it didn’t make a mess.

The door opened once again, and Levi found Nile Dok in front of him, the man’s shitty, thinning hair standing straight on end. The hawk-nosed son of a bitch was all a quiver. Levi held out his hands.

“I’m shit with knots. Want to give me a hand?”

They both knew he could be out of the binding in a matter of seconds. They understood that Levi staying in them meant he wanted to talk, and was doing Nile the courtesy of pretending he was actually a prisoner. Nile flared his nostrils and exhaled harshly, the breath whistling out his nose.

“What do you want exactly?” Nile glared as most of his MPs starting pulling themselves off the floor in a desperate attempt to salute. “All of you get out of here. And take Bannon with you!”

They rushed out the door, two of them dragging the unconscious kid away by his arms. The door slammed shut. When they were alone again, Nile continued with his angry glare. Yeah, it suited him.

“You need to listen to me. There is going to be an attack in this city today, during the parade. I spent the last three days chasing down more than Erwin’s gold. Leviathan, one of the five big gangs, is planning to detonate a whole shit load of dynamite—the mining dynamite that was stolen, remember? You were looking for it? Anyway, it’s going off either at or near the parade. Sofia, the boss, told me that shortly before she died.” He didn’t bring up Petra, and how she’d murdered the girl. If anyone asked, Levi would take the blame. One more death didn’t add up to much in his scorebook. “Her people are fanatics. They’re going to do it with or without her. You need to shut down the parade, secure the king, and check every single—”

“The king has already been secured,” Nile said sourly. “And the parade route scouted. There’s nothing there.”

The fuck?

“How’d you find out?” His heart picked up pace. “Petra Ral told you?”

“No, but she told Erwin Smith. He and half the Survey Corps rode up here to rescue you both.”

Erwin was in Mitras. Erwin had come after him. Levi would’ve expected relief, but all he felt now was a deep, gnawing shame. To his surprise, Erwin Smith was the last person on earth he wanted to see. What a fucking, scummy coward he was.

Petra, though…

“But she’s out of the underground?” The thought of her in the sunlight again was more mercy than he deserved.

“Yes. Though according to my men, she’s badly shaken. While we were arresting you, Erwin had already brought Petra topside and was on his way to the barracks. They have Lord Rod Reiss involved now, of all things. And there are no explosives anywhere to be seen.” He sniffed, as if Levi smelled foul. As if the stench of the underground had found its way under his skin, into his sweat, and no sunshine or fresh soap would scrub it out.

“We’re not delusional, Nile. It’s going to be a disaster,” he said quietly, his voice ice. Nile seemed to notice, because he grew more thoughtful.

“Erwin will share your certainty, I’m sure. He’s never been one to face reality.”

Levi slipped out of his bonds now. The rope snaked to his feet, and he rubbed his wrists to get the circulation flowing. Nile paled only slightly as Levi advanced.

“I don’t want to hear Erwin Smith’s name in your shitty mouth.”

For a moment, the two men stared each other down.

“I don’t understand,” Nile finally muttered. “Why you?”

He said it so plaintively, Levi had to stop.

“Why me what?”

“I understand using you for the Survey Corps. Your strength’s undeniable, anyone would be a fool not to utilize it. But why _friendship_?” Was it Levi’s imagination, or did Nile sound hurt? “What do the two of you even talk about?”

Levi and Erwin, the oddest couple in the world. Levi was all about the particulars, the details, cleaning every last cranny and chasing down every last loose end. Erwin looked straight out ahead and up into the sky, dreaming of what no other man had ever seen. One of the larger man’s greatest pleasures was just having some time to sit with a glass of whiskey or wine and contemplate, staring off into the air, a creepy half-smile sometimes spreading across his face when he dipped into a thought that was really exciting. Levi respected thinking, but he didn’t understand how people took pleasure from it. That was like taking pleasure from breathing; everyone had to do it, why get all hot and bothered by it?

And yet they could talk for hours. Levi would go on and on about different types of tea, and Erwin would offer opinions on where varieties might grow or speculate on the price. Erwin would recount plays he had seen, the stories of great novels he had read, and Levi would question every last inane detail. (“Why did the lady want to kill the king so bad? Wait, this guy Macbeth, so there _is_ a dagger there? Like a ghost dagger? What do you mean ‘it’s a metaphor’, what the fuck’s a metaphor?”) Levi’s befuddlement made Erwin laugh, but Levi’s curiosity also spurred Erwin on. And when Levi told stories about tricks and trades he’d learned in the underground, Erwin would listen with rapt attention. Levi could see the man filing away all the little things he might need at a later date. Erwin’s mind was like some kind of beautiful vulture, picking over every last thing, no matter how rotten or insignificant, and getting nourished by it. Levi couldn’t fathom it. To Levi, life was action—your arms getting tired from sweeping out a castle floor, the wind in your hair as you rode across a field, the way your stomach dropped to your feet when you latched your ODM to a tree and sped upwards. It was the taste of tea or meat when you could get it, the feel of Petra’s skin under his hand, moving from one point to the next in an orderly line, and fuck anyone who tried to get in the way of that. Erwin saw some kind of magical, invisible chess game whenever he looked at the world. He made connections that Levi never could, but Levi lived in the world in a way Erwin would never be able to.

And together, they connected the two. Made one whole.

“Eh. We talk about normal shit, I guess,” Levi said. Nile winced at that. “Sorry, my underground talk a little too common for you?”

“Erwin always attracted eccentrics, but he never associated with criminals.”

“Apart from the last three days, which wasn’t really all my idea, I’ve been a law abiding citizen for six years now, Nile. When’ll you let that shit go?”

“He was the best of us,” Nile said quietly. He looked so pained now that Levi stopped being so damn smug. “Nothing was a challenge for him. If he’d gone into the Military Police, he’d have had this job three years before I did. Everyone knew it. Marie.” His eyes flicked to the side and he wetted his lips. Right, Nile’s wife and Erwin’s old flame. Levi wondered how much Nile knew about her past with Erwin, but he wasn’t enough of a cunt to start bringing it up. “Everyone knew how special he was.”

“So you’re mad that you’re not best friends anymore? You made each other a charm bracelet or some shit? What the fuck does this have to do with me?”

“I just want to know why he’d rather spend time with people like you than the people who know him best. Not me. Not just me.”

Levi wasn’t the world’s most intuitive guy, but he was perceptive when it came to what was right in front of him. Nile was in pain because he knew that Erwin was a great man; because he had once wanted to join Erwin on his quest; because he’d traded that in for an ordinary life, and watched Erwin blaze towards an incredible future for humanity while he, while Nile, would fade away once his children’s children had forgotten his name. And he saw the people who would live on in memory beside Erwin, freaks like Hange and Mike, and murderers like Levi. Scum of the underworld. Levi had a place at Erwin’s side for all time, and Nile would never have that.

Poor, sad son of a bitch.

“Nile. Do you think I’m making this explosive shit up?” he said quietly.

“No,” the Commander said. “But Lord Reiss doesn’t see any proof of the threat. And without that proof, I have to divvy my soldiers up to posts around the city. We won’t have permission to cancel the festivities.”

“I’m not one of you. I’m barely a soldier now. I’ve never been much of a regular guy. Let me go and I’ll take care of it for you. Get you the proof.”

They both knew Levi could knock Nile out cold and walk away, but he wanted the permission. Levi had been civilized just enough that he wanted approval before he went off and did something dangerous.

Nile sighed deeply.

“Fine,” he muttered. “Go find it.”

Levi nodded.

“Thanks.” He neatened his sleeves, smoothed back his hair, and walked for the door. Levi opened it, but Nile closed it. The smaller man looked up, wary.

“Don’t make trouble, Nile. It won’t be good for you.”

“Do you know why I’m doing this?”

“Because you believe the parade’s going to explode if you don’t.”

“Because Erwin trusts you.” He stepped away from the door. “And I’ve never known Erwin to make a mistake. He might be crazy, but not in that way.”

Well. Levi could agree with that. He opened the door, slipped down the hallway, and stopped before the equipment storage closet. He went inside just for a moment, to find some gear that would fit.

 

Tch. His eye was so swollen now he could barely see out of it. As Levi sat on a rooftop, the winter air knifing through his thin jacket and sweat-soaked shirt, he took out his smaller blade and carefully sliced the skin above his eyelid. Warm blood ran down his cheek, but already the swelling was going down. Which was good, because he needed to be able to see right now.

Below him, the cobblestone streets had been swept of snow and salted in preparation of the parade. Colorful triangular flags of blue and yellow and green and purple were hung along every gas lamp, in front of every shop window. The royal colors, the king’s own personal flag, had been raised on several flagpoles. Levi had started his inspection right outside the MP barracks and gone south. The parade route was a little over a mile long, starting at the fountain district and ending here, right in front of the MP barracks which themselves were only a few hundred yards from the palace entrance.

Levi had crept quietly along alleyways and over rooftops, inspecting everything that he could. He’d been attentive to the MP barracks and the palace entrance, but could find nothing. Hmm. Well, Nile had said that they’d checked all over the palace and secured the king. Leviathan was too crafty to go straight for the most obvious spot to detonate a bomb. So Levi hustled along the rooftops, searching every face in the crowd, looking for the glint of a knife or the barrel of a gun behind any window. He was meticulous, but he got nowhere. His breath steamed in the freezing air, and his ears were frigid to the touch and going numb. He clamped his hands over them, allowing them to thaw as he tried to work out what to do. He’d passed several floats when he got to the midpoint of the parade; they were all on their way now, and the crowds were cheering. Little kids were eating spun sugar and hot chestnuts, men and women drank spiced wine. It looked like a happy day.

When he was a kid, Levi had wanted to go up to the parade every year, but Kenny wouldn’t take him.

He stopped thinking about Kenny, found it was surprisingly easy to do so.

One thing was a relief as he whirred from one rooftop to the next. The fact that Erwin had brought Petra up topside. She would be safe now, safe in Erwin’s care. The pain came in as Levi thought about seeing her and never taking her into his arms again. She would never want his embrace now, never want him to kiss her or touch her. He hurt without her, and he would hurt when he was with her. At least, though, he wasn’t scared any longer. Not uncomfortable. Pain and loss he knew. And this time, he was the only one who had to hurt. Petra wasn’t dead. Her family and friends wouldn’t grieve. Fuck, Oruo would probably be delighted. Levi was the only casualty.

That was acceptable.

The parade floats rolled past below. Levi crouched on a gabled roof and watched. A couple years back, they’d been here for another midwinter ball and gotten snowed in. Unable to head back to Trost, they’d stayed at the inn and Hange had dragged him along to the parade. Levi had rolled his eyes, doing his best to mask the part of him that was still a curious little boy. Hange had been so excited to see the floats in particular, going on and on about the engineering required to make the things move. She’d stuffed herself with roasted corn while Levi had sipped at some tea and quietly registered everything he saw. He had a pretty damn good memory, was a detail person. He could remember the little details no one else ever bothered to see. While Moblit had yelled at Hange not to try jumping on the float shaped like a titan, Levi had seen them all: a titan, a float of the three goddesses, a float celebrating the walls, a float of dancing members of the royal family, a float shaped like a cannon that always came at the end of the festival. They found out why when it stopped outside the barracks. Inside the cannon was a bunch of fireworks, and they’d gone off and burst into glittering color, reds and greens and whites, making everyone gasp and cheer. Levi’d never been that close to fireworks before, and he’d winced at first when it sounded too much like gunfire or the roar of cannons. But even he’d had to admit that it was pretty.

Levi had counted. There’d been twelve floats in all, and he was coming to the end of them. The cannon was now rolling its way past the fancy-ass inn where he and Petra had spent the happiest days of his life. Levi stared at the window of what had been their room, felt empty as hell. He imagined himself about a week ago opening the curtains and staring out of that window, having just made love to the woman of his dreams and with everything all right for once. He imagined that happy, freshly fucked version of himself could see his near future version sitting on this rooftop. Levi wished he could wave to the happier him, could tell him to enjoy Petra while it lasted because everything was about to go to shit.

With a sigh, he turned his eyes to the street…and there was Petra.

He froze. She was standing off to the side, contained by the crowd with Nifa and Oruo, talking and shaking her head and looking generally exhausted. Only a few days in the underground had turned her peach and cream complexion into chalk. She looked a full decade older, her eyes dark with lack of sleep. But she was away from him now and his vampiric influence, leeching the joy and life out of her. A few days spent with decent, normal people and she’d be fine. He had to stop looking at her, had to pay attention to what was going on…but fuck it, was _anything_ going on? He’d thought there would be some telltale sign of Leviathan’s trickery. An extra float, a new crop of MPs he’d never seen before, something, _anything_. Fuck, his face was starting to go numb as well. Ice had turned the blood on his face to fucking crystal or some shit. His cheek throbbed, he felt sticky, he was a failure. All right. He needed to go down there to Petra and the others and have them take him to Erwin. Levi stared back at the floats, at the cheering crowds, at the marching soldiers in formation, at the cannon…

Wait.

Levi studied the cannon. The size and shape of the opening. It had to go back, what, fifteen feet deep? A marvel of engineering, Hange had called it. At the end, someone came up with a torch, touched it to the fuse, which led in a trail to the inside and struck all the fireworks which then went off one section at a time, starting from the top down, until—

Levi’s breath caught in his throat.

He did not feel the cold anymore.

***

“Squad Leader Hange really likes her nuts,” Oruo noted with a smug grin. Even though she was still mostly numb, Petra elbowed him in the side on instinct. Nifa laughed, and Oruo pouted as he rubbed his ribs. “Oi, Petra. You don’t need to bruise a guy.”

“When the guy is you, I think it’s pretty necessary.” She sighed and watched the floats wheeling past. The cannon would pass soon, the last float of the parade, and then they’d be able to cross the street. While the Commander was freeing the captain—and he would, she needed to believe that Levi would be returned to them—Hange and her squad were investigating the parade with Petra for anyone suspicious. For a while it’d been exhausting, Moblit and Nifa constantly plucking at her and going, ‘What about him? Her? I don’t remember seeing her before.’ Finally, Oruo of all people had snapped at them to stop. He’d gone with Petra’s group, while Gunther and Eld were back at the inn managing who would go where for what job. The Commander wanted the Survey Corps to take up as little space as possible in Mitras. He didn’t want to arouse the anger of the MPs, Hange had said. So Petra had been shuttled off with Hange and the others to look for suspicious activity until the captain was returned. Then he’d take over, and she’d be relegated to the background.

Which was fine by Petra. She would not be at his side any longer, no matter what happened. After all that had passed between them, he couldn’t be her direct superior any longer. She didn’t know if she’d be able to look him in the eye again.

“What about that one? Know him?” Nifa nudged her, and Petra studied a tall, lanky man with sharp cheekbones and coppery hair.

“Nope. Not one of them.”

“Good. I couldn’t have sex with him if he was going to be hanged in a few days,” Nifa drawled. Petra tried to smile, but it didn’t take. “Sorry,” her friend said softly.

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

“I’m going to kill that bastard.” Nifa’s eyes ignited, and her mouth tightened. Petra had told her bits and pieces of what had transpired in the underground. What she and Levi had said to each other in argument.

“It’s not his fault.” It was Petra’s knee jerk reaction to defend her captain, but also the truth. “I kept insisting on following him. Levi tried to keep me safe, but I wouldn’t listen.”

“But the way he acted after you shot—” Nifa clammed up at once. The memory of it—that gunsmoke, the blood, the horror on Sofia’s face—made Petra’s eyes burn and her lip quiver. She rubbed her eyes over and over to get that image out, but it seemed like she only succeeded in getting it in deeper.

“He tried to warn me about getting involved with him, but I wouldn’t listen then, either. Levi…the captain has a lot of problems,” she murmured, trying to make sure Oruo didn’t overhear, “but I’m the one who kept making it worse every step of the way.”

“But—”

“Nifa. I know you want to make me feel better, but it was my fault.” Petra breathed out slowly, watching her breath steam and rise. Every lungful of air felt like it was cleaning her out. She wanted that, badly. She wanted to be new again.

“Okay.” Nifa squeezed her shoulder. Then, “I think Squad Leader Hange has seven bags of roasted chestnuts. I hope you like them.”

Petra smiled a little. Hange was trying to cheer her up; she’d rushed to buy some when Petra had mentioned to Nifa in passing that they were delicious.

“The squad leader’s very kind.”

“She is.” Nifa grinned. “Hey, I know she likes you. Maybe you could join us when we’re back home.”

Maybe. Though the idea of not sitting around with Oruo and the others and Levi, not being “the girl” and whacking Oruo upside the head when he told a filthy joke, it all felt like a knife to the chest. But it was reality, and Petra would have to get used to it. She’d never been afraid to look at what was real, even if she wished for what was impossible. So she smiled a little.

“That’d be nice, if she’ll have me.”

“Eat a bag of the chestnuts, and she will. Thanks, Squad Leader!” Nifa took a bag and handed one to Petra. The chestnut bag opened and a fragrant steam wafted up to Petra’s nose. She inhaled deeply, and let the bag warm her hands. She’d wait a minute to eat them, but they did smell heavenly.

“Thank you, Miss Hange,” Petra said, smiling at the older, taller woman. Hange’s eyes were large and bright behind her spectacles. She beamed at Petra, and clapped her on the shoulder a bit too hard. The squad leader was a remarkably gangly woman, and she didn’t much know how to do things gently, but she was one of the most genuinely kind people in the corps. Though Levi would deny it, Petra knew how fond he was of Hange.

“My pleasure, Petra. Now let’s all heat up and cross the street after this float goes—oh! Oh! Moblit, look! Have I explained the fuse system they’ve designed for setting off the fireworks? It’s really a marvel of sectioned wiring. Come on, we should take a look—”

“No, Squad Leader! You cannot ride in the parade!” Moblit said, tugging at Hange’s arm and speaking the words like he’d said them before and was weary of the argument.

“Oh, we’re Survey Corps. They won’t mind if we climb inside for a peek.”

“They would! They would actually mind that!” As Moblit wrestled with Hange, Nifa rolled her eyes at Petra.

“The downside of Squad Hange is having to deal with this now and again. At least we don’t have Moblit’s job. I think he’s started drinking too much, personally, but I don’t know how else he’d cope.” They giggled as Hange started shaking Moblit excitedly, yelling something about a particular knotting system. She probably wanted to design something similar for titan cannons. With Hange, it always came back to titans. “Look, let me help out with this. Just wait here.” Nifa went to go reason with Hange, and Oruo was standing by Moblit with his arms crossed, nose in the air, going on and on about how _he_ could control a wild woman very easily, and that Moblit could take a page from his seductive book. While Moblit began to crumble beneath the weight of two overbearing personalities, Petra smiled and stared at the cannon float as it rolled past. She thought of the fireworks that would go off, red and green and—

She grew very still, something growing at the back of her mind. It…

Oh no. Oh _no_.

“Miss Hange,” Petra gasped, but didn’t have time to turn. She heard the distinct whirr of an ODM cable behind her, and gave a soft cry as hands snatched her and pulled her into the alleyway. She spun to face the man.

_The_ man.

Levi had been hurt, and hurt badly. Petra gaped at the dried blood that crusted along half of his face, the cut over his eyelid, the swelling and purpling bruises that mottled his skin and inflamed his jaw. Without stopping to think, she laid gentle fingers on his cheek.

“Your poor face,” she breathed.

Levi flinched away from her touch as if pained. Petra quickly put her hand to her side. They were nothing but captain and soldier now, and she was taking liberties.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she muttered. He took her by her arms and squeezed. She startled, and secretly rejoiced to feel his hands on her body again, even if it was like this. Even if…

No, no, she was being stupid right now.

“Petra. Listen to me,” he grunted. No, she couldn’t listen to him right now, even if…even if he was about to talk about _them_ , about how badly they’d ended things between them, she couldn’t afford to have that conversation right now because—

“Listen, captain,” she said.

“Petra. Listen.”

“I know where the explosives are,” they said at the same time.


	25. Chapter 25

He could not become distracted by her. Levi’s emotions may have been rioting within him this last week, maybe more than they ever had in his life, but when there was a job to do he locked all of his feelings away. He knew he was looking at her now with no warmth or fear or lust or anything but pure, concentrated calm. And he knew that her look of soft relief and bewilderment was not love or desire. After all, she’d told him she did not want him any longer; that it had been a mistake to love him.

Fine, maybe he was still a little amped up after all of that. Still a little hurt. But they truly didn’t have time.

“I know where the explosives are,” he said at the same time she did. He blinked.

“You do?” Petra asked it while he did as well. Great, fucking in sync with each other. What a pair of star-crossed dipshits they made. Dimly, Levi realized he was still holding her by the arms. He released her. “I was looking,” she said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder, “at the—”

“ _Let her go, you bastard!_ ”

Oruo careened from around the corner, his teeth bared in fury, his small eyes narrowed in a look of steely disgust. Levi did not even have to think; his reflexes were too quick for his mind. In half a second, he’d gripped Oruo by the leg and tossed him to the ground. The young man landed on his back in a pile of dirty snow. He kicked frantically, fumbling for the knife at his belt while Levi stood over him.

“Oruo, damn you. It’s me!”

“Oruo, stop.” Petra sounded exhausted.

Levi’s soldier blinked, and the look of fury melted away into something like awe and terror in one. Nice to inspire such feelings in a person.

“C-Captain! I, uh, I thought Petra was being, well, attacked.” Oruo took Levi’s proffered hand and bumbled to his feet, brushing slush from his Survey Corps trench coat. Oruo adjusted his cravat, and sniffed. Probably putting on his standard Levi imitation. But Levi also caught the younger man’s blush, the nervous flick of his eyes towards Petra. When Oruo looked at Levi again, Levi saw the same admiration as always, but something hovered underneath it. Something like sadness, and maybe even disappointment.

Levi didn’t have to ask. Petra had definitely spread the word of what’d been going on between them. Ah, well. It couldn’t stay hidden forever.

“You did the right thing.” Levi roughly clapped a hand on Oruo’s shoulder. “But next time, don’t lead with your foot. It’s too damn easy to throw you like I did.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oruo. Where’re Hange and the others? We need to tell them—”

“Hange’s here?” Levi had never been so relieved and so tired at once.

“ _Levi!_ ”

Speak of the demon herself. Hange careened around the corner into the alleyway, her goggles on top of her head, her hair in its usual messy brown updo, the tip of her long nose cherry red from the cold. Moblit and Nifa came puffing behind her. Moblit saluted Levi, while Nifa glared. Yeah. Yeah, Petra had certainly spread the word.

But damn it all, Levi could have hugged Hange. She was the only one here who looked genuinely pleased to see him.

“Hange. Listen,” he began, as the tall brunette puffed her way over to him, hands on her knees as she caught her breath. Had she been running full out?

“Levi… Listen…” She coughed and straightened up, cleared her throat. “I…know…where—”

“The explosives are?” Petra asked.

“The float. They’re in the shitty cannon float.” Levi felt the painful need to hurry this shit along. “We know.”

“Oh.” Hange deflated a little. Moblit had to offer her a hot chestnut in a paper bag to cheer her up. “I was really proud of myself, too.” She munched, then brightened. “Ah! But I’ll bet neither of you has deduced the exact way they plan to trigger it.”

Levi had an idea, but he wasn’t sure about Petra and the others. He tried not to glance at Petra from the corner of his eye, and mostly succeeded.

“Why don’t you tell us before we freeze our asses off?” he said.

“I know how the fireworks in the cannon are wired. I realized what the trick was when I explained to Moblit how they’re meant to go off in different stages. The wiring starts at the very back of the cannon, but the first section at the front explodes first. As the fuses burn down and the next section starts, the fireworks change. From red to green, then to blue, then—”

“We don’t need a color lesson, Hange,” he snapped. She tsked.

“Men have no appreciation for aesthetics. Very dull. Anyway, they’ve either replaced all the fireworks with explosives, or they’ve perhaps layered one or two sections of fireworks over them. That way if anyone gives a last minute inspection, it looks as though everything’s going according to plan. The people start off seeing fireworks, and then, _boom_.” Hange spread her hands wide in a pointless attempt at illustration. “Honestly, it’s a method I’ve never thought of using for titans before, but now I wonder if it’s not a good idea. Start off attracting them with the fireworks, and then when they’re in range—”

“Squad Leader! Please!” Moblit shrieked.

“Sorry.”

“I think they’re planning to set off the bomb when they hit the end of the parade route,” Levi said. “That’s where the biggest crowds are, and it’s near the palace.”

“We need to talk to the MPs,” Petra said, but Levi shook his head bitterly.

“I just came from there. Nile Dok, that shithead, can’t find the explosives. Since he can’t, the nobles won’t let them call off the parade.”

“We could tell them about—”

“Hange’s theory? They don’t listen to the Survey Corps at the best of times, and every one of them knows how bizarre Hange’s ideas are.”

“It’s true.” Hange blushed as if being given a compliment.

“Think they’ve got a special plan to trigger this?” Levi asked her.

“Doubtful. At the end of the parade route, someone lights the giant fuse at the back of the float. Then it goes off. There’s no good reason to change it.”

“We need to stop the parade.” Petra’s eyes widened. “They have to listen to us! They’d be insane not to.”

Maybe a week in the underground hadn’t completely broken her after all. The girl still believed that all people at their core wanted to be just and good.

“The shitty MPs care more about getting favor from the crown than they do about the common good,” he growled. He watched from the alley as the cannon floated by, several MPs marching alongside it. Think. He had to figure this out. Erwin wasn’t here, and Levi had ideas of his own, but they’d certainly be more violent than the Commander would want. Levi didn’t want to spill that much blood, either. He’d had enough death for one week, and even though she didn’t love him anymore he didn’t want Petra to see him slice another throat.

No. She didn’t love him. He had to accept that. At least right now he had a job to do. Work kept his head on straight, effort and pain could distract him. Later, when he was hopefully alive and alone in the dark, he would sit there with his head in his hands and let that weight press down on his chest until it crushed him.

Yeah, at least he had that to look forward to.

“Can we try going out there and causing a scene?” Nifa shrugged. “It’d at least get their attention and stop the parade.”

Petra worried her lip. “I…I know Leviathan a little by now. I think that if they were apprehended, they might just set off the explosives right here.”

Levi nodded. “Petra’s right. They’d think that _some_ dead bodies and demolished buildings would be better than none at all.”

Oruo audibly swallowed. “Wh-what was it _like_ down there?” he squeaked.

Petra and Levi exchanged one grim, silent look. Levi glanced back out at the parade…and froze.

“Oh _shit_ ,” he hissed, stepping forward to get a better look. He pointed. “Petra. The guy with the torch.”

The man who would set fire to the fuse when it came time for the explosions…it was one of Leviathan’s thugs, one of the grim, musclebound men Sofia had hired. He was wearing a Military Police uniform that, now Levi studied it, was way too snug across the chest and shoulders. Petra gasped. She recognized him, too.

“Captain, the others.”

Fuck. They were everywhere. Leviathan had taken over every single MP position guarding the float. They were taking no chances.

“How have they not been spotted?” she whispered. Levi scowled.

“They’re calling in MPs from every district. Dok told me that a while ago. The Garrison and Military Police are much larger than the Survey Corps. Someone stationed in Stohess won’t know everyone in Calaneth. I’ll bet these assholes have forged papers and documents, the works. No one’ll know they’re fake until it’s too late.”

“Isn’t that enough to go to Commander Dok?” Oruo asked. He hovered beside Levi, which normally would have driven him crazy but right now was welcome. Fuck, he wished Eld and Gunther were here as well.

“The parade’ll be at the palace in about fifteen minutes. We don’t have time,” Levi growled. Hange rubbed her chin, deep in thought.

“Squad Leader? What should we do?” Nifa asked.

Hange snapped her goggles into place. She nodded.

“All right. Here’s the plan.” She glanced at Levi. “The most important thing is that they don’t light the fuse. If one of us wrangles him to the ground first, then taking out the rest should be easy. After all, it’s not like—”

“They’ve got explosives strapped inside their coats,” Petra cried. She clapped a hand over her mouth and gripped Levi’s arm. When she pointed it out, he saw. One of the “MPs” adjusted the front of his coat, and for a horrifying instant a bundle of dynamite peeked out. It was so unexpected and small that if you didn’t know what to look for, you’d miss it. But for Petra and Levi, it was enough. He cursed under his breath.

“Fuck me. They really aren’t taking any chances.” He nodded to Hange. “Looks like they’re all carrying suicide packages.”

“Why would they do that?” Hange paled. She understood titans, but not real monsters like these.

“Probably in case anyone tried to stop them. Even if their big plan is foiled, they can still blow a few dozen people away. All in a day’s work.”

He hated humanity sometimes. People like Erwin and Petra and even Hange, those who were good and kind and clever, seemed like weird aberrations. Most of humanity was dirty and shitty and cruel. Like him. He was like these people, which was why he could think like them.

“We need to get close enough to take them down,” he mused. He looked at Hange and her subordinates, and had an idea. “They don’t know what you guys know. They don’t know you’re onto them. This parade’s a celebration of the king, the church, and the military. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too weird if some Survey Corps members showed up to march.”

Hange got the point. She grinned. “Nifa, Oruo, Moblit and I can march alongside them. We’re dressed in uniform, anyway.”

“When I give the signal, you’ll be in position to take them out.” Levi had quickly counted them when they’d passed by. Including the guy with the torch, there were seven. Hmm. Not enough.

“Captain, what if you and I got into position on the rooftop a few blocks ahead? When the cannon passed, we could each swoop down and catch them off guard. The numbers are almost evenly matched then.

True. Levi thought. “I can take out more than one on my own. I’ll make sure one of them’s the guy with the torch. Petra, can you cut the fuse?”

“I should be able to.”

They understood. If they all wrangled the perps to the ground and cut off the major source of destruction, they could get away with it. They could stop it in time. Trying to attract MP attention right now would only result in someone setting something off. People would die then. And Levi had endured more than enough carnage these past few days.

“The two of you fly ahead to Grunwald Street,” Hange said. “We’ll all get into position here. When we’re passing by, we’ll look for your signal. As soon as you start moving, we’ll put the plan into action.”

“Petra.” Levi looked at her, tried not to get lost in her eyes. “You’ve got the most important job. That fuse has to be cut. We can’t leave anything to chance. I know it’s been a rough week for you. Are you sure you can do it?”

“Of course I can.” She stated it as a bald fact. Seemed just shy of pissy, too. “Believe me.” Oruo pulled a face.

“Captain, _I_ can cut the fuse. Leave it to me.”

Levi shook his head. He knew this was the right move, even if he hated it.

“Petra’s the fastest besides me, and I’m the only one who can take down at least two of these jerks before they get trigger happy.”

“The plan’s sound,” Hange said. She grinned, a maniacal gleam in those brown eyes. Much as he liked to bitch about Hange, Levi loved being around the woman when she got those wild ideas into her head. Of all the people in the Survey Corps, Levi felt like Hange was the only one who really relished being abnormal. It gave him some comfort, hanging out with her. At least when they were together, he was the ordinary one by default. Until something had to be killed, of course. Then he stepped up to do the slicing.

“Get into positions. We have one shot at this,” Levi said.

“Oh. I don’t have any ODM.” Petra looked at Levi’s gear, then cursed at her lack of it. “Oh, shit.”

“Here.” Nifa instantly tugged at her own ODM. Thank fuck Hange and her squad went around prepared. Levi had always liked Nifa; of all Hange’s squad, she was the one with the most ironclad sense. Petra took the gear and strapped in. Levi wanted to snap at them to hurry the fuck up, but did not. Still, the parade was getting farther ahead, and time was not on their side.

“Come on,” he said once Petra was ready. “We have to keep a low profile. Go around the sides of the buildings until we’re at Grunwald, then get to the roof. Can you handle that?”

“I can handle anything, sir,” she said, cool as ever. He didn’t know if he was more relieved at how normal she sounded, or more heartbroken.

Fuck heartbreak. It had to wait.

Levi took off around the back of the shops, Petra at his heels. The icy wind slashed through him, froze the sweat in his hair and against his skin. The dried blood turned cracked and flaking. Itchy. Uncomfortable as shit. Still, they were fortunate. Everyone was lining the main thoroughfare to watch the parade. The streets around the route were a ghost town. Levi swept up and over shop windows, skated along drainpipes and perpendicular to brick walls. He heard Petra fast behind him, competent as all hell. When they finally reached Grunwald, he latched his hook to a chimney and swung onto a gabled roof. With a hiss and a whirr of gears, Petra landed beside him. Together, they stood just below the peak of the roof and gazed at the parade as it rolled nearer to them. Levi squinted. He saw Hange and the other three walking alongside the “MPs”, waving to the crowd and smiling. So far it didn’t look like the bombers had noticed anything.

“Think we’re in the clear,” Levi muttered. Petra nodded, the sunlight catching in her red-gold hair. A beautiful sight.

“We just need to be calm,” she murmured.

Levi pretended that it was still normal between them for that one sweet second. That it was like they’d been for years, with both of them wanting the other but staying quiet about it. Looking back now, the tension between them had always been there, just so slight and so strange that neither had really understood it. Levi recalled a mission out to the titan forest where they’d gotten rained on so hard that visibility had been impossible. To wait out the storm, he and Petra had hunkered down in a large tree, holding one another for warmth. He remembered nothing else of that day, nothing expect holding her against him, one arm wrapped around her stomach, breathing in the scent of her when she was so near to him, hoping to any god up above that he didn’t get an erection or at least that she didn’t feel it. He’d closed his eyes with her hair against his cheek, steadied his breathing, and luxuriated in it.

He would give anything to go back, back to before this shit when she still cared for him.

“You ready?” he asked, his voice lifeless. She nodded.

“Mmm.” Then Petra looked at him. He felt her gaze on his cheek, but didn’t turn his head. “Captain?”

“Yeah.”

“Before this happens… I wanted to tell you something.” Her voice was soft, with an undercurrent of strain. He glanced at her, saw some conflict in her eyes. “I… I need to tell you that—”

“How about we wait until this is over? I’ll hear anything you want to say then.”

She nodded, looking a bit relieved. “Of course. Thank you, sir.”

_Say my name. Say Levi. If you’re going to walk out of my squad and my life, at least use my name. Stop fucking pretending we didn’t sleep together, that you never loved me. Stop fucking lying._

“Good,” was all he said, and focused on the coming float. When Levi looked at the two he’d take down, the ones farther ahead of Hange and more to the right, he felt a kind of peace. Action was his sole release, his one prayer. It was all he had left now, besides Erwin’s dream.

All he needed.

“Ten seconds,” he said as the float neared. He put up one hand just over the top of the roof. He saw Hange notice, and nod. She understood. When the float was just level with Petra and Levi’s gaze… “Four. Three. Two,” he whispered.

He didn’t need to say ‘one.’ They stood, shot their hooks, and flew through the air.

***

Petra swung down over the heads of the crowd, gripping the handles of her gear tightly and firing the trigger with a light, graceful touch. Sounds of surprise and amazement reached her ears. Perhaps some in the audience thought she was showing off the military’s proficiency with ODM. She latched onto the cannon and somersaulted through the air, twisting her body so that she could arrive at the platform in plenty of time to cut the fuse.

Beneath her, upside down, she saw the commotion begin within the MPs on the parade route. Oruo had knocked one down, and Hange was kicking another. She took the focus off of them, spun around and around through the air as she made like a shot for the platform.

A dark blur rushed past her, leaving a gust of wind in his wake. Levi. The captain. He was so agile, so lithe as he flew down and landed gracefully atop one of the men, then reached out and clutched the other soundly. Petra passed overhead and watched him wrestle the pair to the ground. He looked up, and for an instant their eyes met. His eyes, pale steel and blue, narrowed as she rocketed towards the fuse.

_Do it,_ his gaze seemed to say. She could practically hear it in his gruff, yet somewhat musical voice. _It all depends on you._

Petra bared her teeth as she unhooked and used the momentum to tumble through space and land on the platform solidly. She grinned with triumph as she slid the dagger from its sheath by her side. Her pulse fluttered as she tried to focus; in the back of her mind was the fear that at any second one of them would detonate their suicide package, that the world would go up in smoke and fire around her. Petra’s fingers fumbled, and for a nerve-shattering instant the dagger nearly fell from her grasp. But she held onto it, and managed. Kneeling beside the fuse, a large cord as thick as her fist, she reached down to saw at it.

“Fucking bitch!”

Petra’s head whipped up as the musclebound creep from Leviathan raced forward. Moblit, god love him, had tried and failed to catch at the thug’s heels. Petra looked around frantically, and within a split second deduced the obvious: there was no help for her. Levi was too preoccupied with keeping both men from detonating their devices, and everyone else was struggling to keep up with their own prisoners. Petra put down her head and cut at the fuse.

She barely made a slit in it. Her pulse raced as she tried sawing the thing. She could glimpse the thug from her peripheral vision as he stretched forward. For a moment she thought he’d try to kill her, but he thrust his torch near the bottom of the fuse. He was going to light the cannon now. Detonate the explosives. Take out a full city block.

“No!” She swiped her knife at him, causing him to fall back, and kept sawing away. He tried again, and she cut at him again, but this time he charged forward and leapt onto the platform with her. Petra gasped as she looked up at him. The thug towered over her, sweat standing out on his bald pate, hate in his eyes.

“Bitch,” he snarled, and thrust the torch into the fuse once more. Petra screamed, but it was too late: the fuse was lit.

The countdown was on.

His job done, the thug made to grab Petra, but he jerked backwards and fell off the float. Petra didn’t need to see much to know that Levi had taken the man down. She stared at the fuse dumbly as it began to burn. Once it got inside the cannon, it would be over. No way to stop it.

_This is my job. I have to do this._

_I have to prove to him I’m not worthless._

_Even if he hates me for what I said, I have to show him I’m a good soldier._

_And I don’t want to die, not after everything it took to get back up here._

With a cry, Petra began frantically sawing at the fuse. The fire was heading towards her hand, the fuse sizzling as it smoldered. Sparks of red and orange lit the air. Soon. Soon. She had mere seconds, and this fuse, this cord was so fucking _thick._ Who had designed this to make it so difficult to stop? Petra sawed so hard she felt her arm might come right off.

“Petra!”

Was that Oruo, or the captain, or maybe Hange? All voices blurred into one right now. Petra only had the next ten seconds. After that, there would be no more time for anything.

No more time to see her family, or to laugh with Nifa, or to tease Oruo.

No more time to tell the captain what she needed to say.

Four. Three. Two…

Petra screamed as the fuse came off in her hand, and dropped it as the fire reached her. She winced as it burned her palm, but not too terribly. She wiped her hand on her trousers and stared at the back of the cannon, which by now had come to a grinding halt. Her chest rose and fell as she looked.

The fuse had been severed in time. The explosives would not be going off.

Petra breathed out in such relief that she practically deflated, lying on her back and giggling helplessly as the crowd around her roared in confusion. She looked to her left, and saw that actual MPs had entered the area. Levi was pointing out the suicide packages to them, and the thugs were being thoroughly dismantled. The dynamite was off, and being studied by several of the more bewildered members of the police.

Oruo hurried over and helped her sit up. Petra slid to the ground, where she hugged Nifa. Both girls rocked back and forth, moaning with horror and laughter. Moblit panted next to them, cleared his throat.

“The squad leader… She’s a madwoman.”

Petra saw, over Nifa’s shoulder, that Hange had left her thug in the MPs’ care and was currently on her hands and knees at the back of the cannon, trying to see inside to get a glimpse at the wiring.

That just made Petra laugh harder. She hugged Moblit, who seemed bashful but flattered. She squeezed Oruo as well, and smiled when he squeezed back and then made a disgusted noise.

“Woman, you’ll wrinkle my cravat!” He brushed her off, though she could see that the tips of his ears were pink, and not with the cold.

“We did it. Fuck. We actually did it,” Nifa declared breathlessly.

Petra looked behind her to see the captain animatedly discussing something with the head MP of the group. He waved at the cannon, and several of the police went to begin the process of opening up the float. Others moved to the sidelines to try calming the increasingly belligerent crowd.

Ah, but that was their job. Petra’s job—saving the damn place—was over.

And soon, she thought as she watched the captain stomp around to help the MPs, his eyes grim and his expression grave, they’d have their talk.

 

It was taking a bit longer than Petra had imagined, and eventually after the adrenaline wore off she and the others were escorted to a nearby shop, to sit in the window and warm themselves and wait to be called back with the results. Only the captain had remained outside, helping the Military Police dismantle the float. The crowds around them were growing increasingly restless and vocal. No one was permitted to leave until everyone had been vetted as safe. For a while Petra wondered if they wouldn’t have a riot on their hands. Though the anger did seem to die down a bit when the captain and the MPs started pulling bundles out of the cannon’s mouth.

They first pulled out a few layers of what Petra could tell were standard fireworks wrapped in brown paper. Her gut chilled as she then saw the police start handing out strings of black dynamite tied together in knotted fuse. More and more and more explosives came out, a never ending nightmare train of them. Nifa whistled as she saw bundle after bundle emerge.

“I think we’re all up for a promotion,” she said. Petra and Nifa were sprawled on the window seat, watching with their faces nearly pressed to the glass like children. Oruo stood to the side, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in the studied picture of sullen nonchalance. He examined his fingernails.

“Tch. We’ll be sure to tell the Commander how _I_ wrestled the detonator out of a perp’s hands,” he drawled. “Everyone will be impressed.”

“I saw, Oruo.” Nifa hooded her eyes. “You managed to get his shoe off.”

“You don’t know what you saw!” he spat. Petra sighed and looked outside once more. She frowned. The captain was nowhere in sight.

_He’ll be back soon. He’s one person you never need to worry about._

Petra closed her eyes. But she did worry. And that was the problem.

She needed to talk to him soon, while she still had the courage to say—

The bell over the front door tinkled, and a breath of frigid wind entered the shop. Petra and Nifa turned to find the captain knocking his boots against the doorframe to shake snow from them, running hands through his hair to get rid of the ice crystals. He radiated the cold from outside, like it had seeped into his very pores. His nose and cheeks were red. He glared around the shop, a candlemaker’s place. It smelled of tallow and beeswax in here, and thick candles of red and white were stocked heavily upon the shelves.

“Levi!” Hange came from the back of the shop, Moblit nervous at her heels. The tall woman smiled. “Any word yet from Erwin?” She glanced out the window and frowned. “I’m surprised Commander Dok isn’t here yet, come to think of it.”

“Hange.” Levi sounded hoarse. “Tell me. What’s twelve times thirty seven?”

It took Hange a fraction of a second to answer. “Four hundred and forty four. Nice even number. Why?”

Levi cursed quietly. Petra stood and came over.

“Captain? What’s wrong?”

“The dynamite. There were thirty seven crates down in the tunnel. Mining dynamite comes from one company, and apparently they always pack their crates the same, twelve bundles per crate. That means four hundred and forty four bundles.” He rubbed his forehead, refusing to look at her. “We uncovered one hundred and ninety two bundles in the cannon. Counting the six thugs who were carrying two bundles each, that makes two hundred and four.”

No one needed to ask what this meant. Petra’s skin broke out in gooseflesh. She looked at him with growing horror.

“What happened to the rest?” she whispered.

***

Erwin did not like to be kept waiting, and he’d been standing before the damn front desk at the Military Police headquarters for nearly fifteen minutes. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Immediately upon arrival, he’d blustered his way past the man at the front desk and burst into Nile’s office. To his surprise, he’d found that Nile was gone. And so was Levi.

“The Commander’s out overseeing the parade, sir,” the desk man said. He got Erwin to follow him back to the front. Erwin knitted his brow, an action he’d been told was truly terrifying. Apparently his eyebrows were massive enough that it was quite the threatening gesture. The smaller man swallowed.

“What about Captain Levi? Where is he being held?”

The young man looked utterly lost, and Erwin had to restrain himself from snapping.

“Go see if you can find someone with enough authority who can help me,” he said. The boy jumped at the order and took off. That had been more than ten minutes ago, and Erwin was no nearer to getting his answers. He drummed his fingers on the desktop, faster and faster, the beat a crescendo in his ears. He imagined a glorious symphony composed of nothing but percussion, slapping countertops and banging on cans to simply let out the mounting frustration. Erwin did not imagine he would ever have made much of a composer.

_Nile, where the hell are you?_

If someone did not come in five more minutes, Erwin was going to begin slamming open doors and demanding answers from someone. And god help the man or woman who tried to detain him while Levi was rotting in a cell somewhere.

The only people he saw in the halls were obviously invalids. Erwin watched as one man with half a bandaged face limped down the hall on crutches. Another MP wheeled a young woman past him in a wheelchair. She was crumpled in on herself, dressed in a dirty MP uniform, blood crusting under her chin and over her bandages. Erwin frowned as more and more injured poured through the door.

“Commander Smith?” Finally. A young man with chestnut hair and a bright, open face saluted him. “Captain Holtzman. Sorry you’ve been kept waiting, sir. Commander Dok is overseeing the parade.”

“Yes, I’ve been made aware. I’m here about Captain Levi. I want him released into my custody immediately.” Erwin gave a cough of surprise as someone bumped into him. He turned around to find a young man with mouse brown hair and his arm in a sling. The fellow paled and murmured how sorry he was before scurrying down the hall. “Is this your headquarters, or a makeshift hospital?”

Holtzman winced an apology. “Unfortunately there’s been some rioting in the underground. Nothing too serious, nothing we can’t handle, but it’s cracked more than a few skulls. The MP clinic is overflowing right now, I’m afraid.”

Erwin shook his head, a bit abashed. Of course. The damned riots underground.

“And we’re understaffed because most of our officers are either on the streets overseeing the parade or at the palace.”

“I don’t wish to intrude,” Erwin said, his tone more moderate now. “But I will not leave here without Captain Levi.”

“Ah.” Holtzman frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you hadn’t been informed.”

Erwin blinked. “Informed of what?”

“Captain Levi is gone.”

Erwin was about at his wit’s end. He forced himself not to shout, or swear at the man.

“Gone? He was taken from here?”

“No, he’s released. Commander Dok didn’t explain why, but he let him go.” Holtzman looked around, then leaned in as if imparting a secret. “Confidentially, I think it’s for the best. We’ve got four or five officers in the clinic right now whom the captain put there himself. I don’t know that anyone can hold onto Captain Levi if he doesn’t want them to.”

Once, back in the underground, Levi had knelt in a dirty puddle at Erwin’s feet with hatred simmering in his eyes. Erwin knew that the man had wanted to be captured—it had been part of Levi’s plan. Still, even after his big plans came to nothing at all and all reason for remaining in the Survey Corps had vanished, Levi had never run, not once. He had been glad to be held down by something for the first time in his life. That gave Erwin some flush of pride. He had tamed the untamable.

“And the rumored explosives? Has Nile done anything further about that?”

Holtzman glanced over his shoulder as another soldier shuffled down the hall in search of medical care. “Ah, I’m afraid I don’t know about that, sir. Commander, I hate to be rude but there’s only so much senior staff here today, and—”

Erwin nodded. “Thank you for your time, Captain.”

Holtzman left, and Erwin massaged his forehead. More questions than before. At least Levi was free, but if Nile had released the man why hadn’t he told Erwin? Perhaps Nile had sent a message soon after the release, and Erwin had been so hot to come to Levi’s rescue that he’d missed it. He wondered if Levi and Petra Ral had reunited yet. He wondered what Levi had to say about the purported explosives.

Well, there wasn’t much he could do here. Erwin pulled up his collar and turned to walk out the door.

The front door opened, ushering in some snow and wind. A burly man with a shaved head, wearing a Military Police trench coat, shut the door behind him with a booted foot. The fellow glowered at Erwin as he sauntered down the hall. Looked determined, that one. Erwin turned his head to watch the man’s path. He noticed some kind of scrawling tattoo decorating the bit of the man’s neck that peeked over his collar.

Unusual for an MP to sport a neck tattoo.

What had Petra told him? That Leviathan had assumed many disguises. Those underground monsters were not above dressing up as Military Police to infiltrate wherever they needed to go.

Erwin felt the hairs on his arm stand. Quietly, he made his way down the hall and after the large, tattooed man.

By the time he’d rounded the corner, the man had disappeared. Erwin stood and listened, for what he did not know. The tiled floor was pristine squares of black and white, and the rounded windows let in the glow of a fading winter afternoon. It would be dark soon. The parade should be here within the hour, if not less.

Erwin glanced to the right and left. To the right, the weapons and gear supply room, much like the one he’d find at the Survey Corps headquarters. Further down the hall to his left, an unmarked door that stood slightly ajar.

Erwin’s stomach grew cold as he moved down the hall. He prided himself on his ability to tread softly when needed. Mike had once flinched when he found Erwin unexpectedly behind him. The man had sniffed Erwin, as if trying to discern through scent how he maintained his enviable stealth. “You’re a pretty big man to be able to move like that,” Mike had said.

It had been Erwin’s way since he was a boy. People would only hear him coming when he wanted them to. He had no gun, unfortunately, but he always carried a couple of blades with him. Levi’s neurotic tendencies when it came to being constantly armed had rubbed off on Erwin. These days, an enemy could lurk behind any corner.

Or behind any door. Erwin put his back to the wall, and listened through the doorway. The sound of shuffling within. Heavy footsteps. And then, a kind of clanking, metal on metal sound.

He had to act, and now.

Erwin opened the door and placed himself in the doorway, a hand on his knife as he glared towards the burly man, who was now wielding a—

A…mop and bucket.

“Fuck!” The man staggered a step backwards, one hand over his heart. The clanking Erwin had heard was the sound of the man getting out a bucket of water and some pails. The large man blew out his cheeks and bent over. “Ah, you about gave me a heart attack, Commander.” The soldier straightened up and snapped a fast salute. “Gettin’ a handle on the cleaning before Commander Dok returns. Not enough hands around to help. Phew. Oh, wow. I think you took three years offa my life.”

“I’m sorry.” Erwin quickly slipped his trench coat over the knife at his belt. This man was not much more than a janitor. Probably a sergeant, if he was lucky. The man took out a handkerchief and mopped his brow. His face was flushed, jowls quivering. Erwin got the impression this officer was the furthest thing from an underworld thug imaginable. “Er. That’s, well, an interesting tattoo you have.”

“Oh.” The soldier’s face brightened considerably. He yanked at his collar, and Erwin saw what it was more clearly: a rose with a thorny stem. “That’s for my girl. Rosaleen. Tell you the truth I was supposed to get it on my arm, but, uh, got kinda drunk that night and told the artist the wrong body part. Heh. Well, she’s still marryin’ me, anyway. Rosaleen, that is, not the tattoo artist.”

“Excellent.” Erwin was starting to jump at shadows. He needed to be better than that. “Enjoy your cleaning, I suppose.”

“Thanks.” The man looked puzzled by the statement. Perhaps Erwin had hung about Levi for too long. Only a man like the captain could ever get genuine pleasure out of cleaning. Erwin walked back down the hall, shaking his head as he went. He needed to get back to his soldiers, and immediately. He’d wasted far too much time here already.

He was passing by the supply room door when he heard a kind of muffled thump from within. Erwin stopped, and listened. Nothing. Perhaps he was in need of a vacation of some sort. Now he was hearing things. He began to move on when—

_Thump._

Again. This time, he had not imagined it. Erwin slowly pressed his ear to the door, and then knocked twice. A more enthusiastic thumping followed, and now—yes, and now Erwin heard some other kind of muffled noise. Like a voice.

What the—

He jiggled the handle, but the door was locked. Now why the devil should a supply closet be locked in the middle of the day? And during the midwinter festival especially, when many would be in urgent need of updating their equipment or renting ODM? He jiggled harder, and now he knew for certain that a muffled human voice was crying out behind that door.

“Hold on,” he muttered, bracing himself as he put his shoulder to the door. One, two, three, and—

He slammed into the door, breaking off the lock. The door flew open, and Erwin took a step forward.

Nile Dok was in here, tied to a chair with his mouth gagged. Nile stared at Erwin with bloodshot eyes. He began swaying back and forth, trying to jump up and down. They’d tied his legs as well, but that didn’t stop the commander from rigorously rocking back and forth. He struck the leg of his chair against a wooden crate. That’s where the thumping had come from.

But Erwin nearly forgot Nile as he glanced about the room.

There were many opened and unpacked wooden crates that now stretched to the ceiling in swaying columns. In the center of the room, stacked ten feet high and perhaps ten feet deep, with a snarl of fuses wreathed around the whole mess like some nightmare tangle of string, sat bundle upon bundle of dynamite.

It was enough dynamite, he realized, to take out the headquarters, the MP barracks, and then some. Maybe enough to reach the palace.

“Nile,” Erwin croaked. Nile gave a muffled scream.

Erwin felt the cold gun barrel against the back of his neck. He heard the click of a cocked hammer.

“Well, Commander,” Holtzman said, his voice decidedly less friendly now. “I’m afraid you’d better make yourself comfortable. But don’t worry; you won’t have long to wait.”


	26. Chapter 26

Levi stormed out of the shop, making a straight line for the semi circle of MPs surrounding one of the Leviathan gang. The adrenaline had not dissipated, and it felt like he could see every particle of dust in the air, hear the softest whisper from a thousand yards away. His body was lean and coiled and ready for action. And the fucker who was sitting with those MPs, looking smug and satisfied, he wasn’t going to look like that much longer. Levi shoved his way through the MPs, ignoring their little coughs of bewilderment. He had other things to worry about than their shitty feelings right now.

“Where’s the rest of the dynamite, shithead?”

“Captain, we have this under control.”

The gleam in the balding fuck’s eye, and the grin on his lips, told Levi they very much did not have this under control. So he snatched the thug by his collar, and hauled his ass off the ground until they were nose to nose. The thug, more than six feet and built like a copper boiler, was probably twice Levi’s weight, but Levi barely felt the strain. As always happened whenever he displayed the truly unsettling range of his physical strength, the thug looked a little freaked. One word flashed through those bleary eyes: _freak_. A man the size of a child, slenderly built, shouldn’t have been able to do half the things Levi could.

And he could do so, so many things.

“Captain! Stop!” barked one of the MPs.

“Again. Where’s the fucking dynamite?”

The thug spat at the ground beside Levi’s boots. “Fuck you.”

“Thanks. I wanted an excuse to quit being nice.”

Despite the MPs’ hollering, Levi shot his ODM hooks and took off, dragging the thug with him through the air. They stopped a couple of stories overhead, Levi’s hook latched to the roof, his boots standing parallel to the wall. The thug dangled in his grasp, twisting and turning this way and that like some kind of bizarre children’s toy.

“One more time. Where’s. The. Dynamite?” Levi growled. The thug only looked up, grinned, showed a mouthful of crooked, yellow teeth. Beer and bratwurst practically oozed from his pores. He was rank.

“I can’t die at this height,” the prick said.

“I’m glad,” Levi answered, and let go. The thug’s eyes widened and he plummeted to the alley below. Levi watched casually as the man landed, heard the sharp _crack_ of something important as it broke. Levi shot down, grabbed the thug back up while he was sitting on the ground staring at his shin, where bloody bone protruded through his trousers. Poor son of a bitch. Levi instantly rose back into the air; this time the perp screamed out of real fear. Maybe he was crying, even.

Levi could not help but notice the flash of ginger hair in the crowd below. He did not look at Petra. He didn’t want to see more fear and disgust in her eyes.

This was what he’d been born to do. Creatures like him couldn’t afford to love.

“Want me to let go again? Maybe you’ll break the other leg. It’ll be a bitch dragging your ass to the toilet, but you’ll live.”

“Please. Please stop,” the man wept. Levi did not feel anything as he looked at this dirty, weeping man. He hated that he did not hate himself for this.

“I’ll stop when you tell me what I need to know.” Levi raised the thug a bit higher, just above shoulder level. He winced; he was strong, but even he might not be _that_ strong. At the very least, he could damage himself, and they didn’t have time for that right now. “Last chance! Do it!”

“The barracks! The MP headquarters!” The guy cursed violently as Levi let go. As the prick plummeted back to the alley, Levi shot down after him and grabbed the bastard before he hit the cobblestones. Levi yoyoed them back to the roof. This time, he pulled them all the way up and set the thug down on solid ground. The man crumpled, clutching at his busted leg. Tears stood out in his eyes. “You fucking bastard,” he whimpered.

“What a horrible, nasty thing I’ve done,” Levi said casually. He crossed his arms. “Why the MPs? Why not the king? You expect me to believe you don’t have any surprises at the palace?”

“We’re not stupid. We take out the king, the nobles’ll just settle someone in his place and the MPs will hunt us down. We take out all the MPs, the capital’s in chaos. Before too long, the people underground revolt, flood the streets. They take the palace and do the rest of the work for us. Agh! My fucking leg!”

“When’s the bomb set to go off? Got a timer on it?”

“No. No, when the cannon float stops at the end of the route. The fireworks will go off, then as soon as the parade goes boom, so does the barracks.”

Levi didn’t have much to go on besides the word of this putrid bastard, but the guy seemed to have a solid strategy. Though at this point, who knew how many stooge MPs they’d planted all over the city? Levi exhaled sharply, rubbed his chin. All right. At least the MPs below were solid. He’d get them to go to the palace, round up all the real MPs they could. Meanwhile, he’d take Hange and Petra and the others and go to the barracks where—

_Erwin_.

Levi’s body went rigid. It was like he’d been struck by lightning. He felt every sinew and nerve ending spark, every muscle tighten. Erwin had gone to release him from the Military Police. Would that mean…?

Had the Commander gotten caught up in all this shit?

“Take me down,” the bastard whimpered. Levi nodded.

“Okay.” He dragged the perp over to the edge of the roof and casually flung him to the street below. The man screamed, but he didn’t die. Probably broke something else, though. Mind buzzing, Levi descended to the street, and got down to business at once. He shouldered his way through the cluster of people surrounding the broken man, now howling in agony, and went to Hange, the MP captain, Petra and the rest.

“The rest of the dynamite’s at the MP barracks and headquarters,” he said grimly. The young captain went paler than snow.

“Th-that’s impossible.”

“It’s not just possible. It’s reality. You know the layout better than I do, Captain. What are the best points of attack? How many men can you get to help us? Hey! Look at me!” The kid was practically jelly at this point. Tch. Levi hated weaklings. “How many men can you get us, and how fast? This jerk says the bomb’s set to detonate when the cannon goes off at the end of the parade. We’ve ground to a halt back here, and it won’t be long before they know something’s busted. They probably know now anyway, if they’ve got as many eyes and ears around as I think they do. Captain?”

But the boy had spent years manipulating things behind the scenes, kissing ass and rising through the ranks. He was a solid politician, but probably a piss poor commander. Levi closed his eyes.

“Hange. What do you know about the explosives? Anything?”

She did not disappoint. When it came to macabre and bizarre knowledge, she never did.

“I recognize the way they chose to string those explosives together. Well.” She rubbed her forehead. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Normally just cutting the fuse would be enough to prevent an explosion, and in fact it is. But the problem is that when it comes to a Gordian Knot, which this formation is an example of, there’s more than one fuse to cut in more than one location. It’s hard to explain, but the basic idea is that you could cut a whole section of fuse clean through, but because of the knot’s complex structure, it—”

“Get to the point, Four Eyes,” Levi growled. Petra bristled at that; he caught the angry flash of her eyes. Yeah, probably didn’t like him insulting the woman who was actually helping right now. Well. Too bad.

“I’m saying that the fuses are rigged in a snarl. You could cut and cut and still not get all of them. If we got to HQ and found the dynamite, simply sawing off a fuse won’t work.”

“Where’s that leave us if we can’t cut the wire?”

“There’ll probably be a detonator close by. Sitting in the room with the explosives would be a suicide mission, after all. But the detonator will have to be tied to the fuses themselves, which means it can’t be that far away. If, say, someone were on the roof? That would give them a good view of the parade, and ample room to escape. If they were wearing ODM gear, they could light the fuse, take off, and have time to be safe from the explosion.”

“So the best option is to attack from above, secure the person with the detonator?”

“Yes. If there’s an assault on top and a rescue mission going on simultaneously inside the building, they’ll have too many different problems to deal with at once. The element of surprise is the best chance we have.”

Levi was impressed, he hated to admit it. “Four Eyes, normally you spend so much time cozying up to titans I forget you know useful shit.”

Petra scoffed. Again, didn’t like his insults. He forced himself not to look at her.

“Captain Levi, what do we do?” the MP captain asked, looking relieved two adults had shown to make his job easier.

“Get all the men you trust together, and head for the barracks. Head to the Survey Corps’ inn and tell Mike Zacharias to get his people in order and come help. Lend me a few soldiers now, so I can get them into the building and cause havoc. Bring all the reinforcements you can, as fast as you can. I’m going in from above to stop whoever has the detonator. Hange—”

“I should go find the bomb itself. We don’t want to leave the whole plan up to chance. I remember reading up on the Gordian Knot; I might find a way to defuse it after all.” The brunette brightened at the idea of getting face time with certain death. Yeah. She was Survey Corps, all right.

“Fine. Remember that it’s possible Erwin’s their captive by now. Tread carefully.” He said captive instead of casualty. Hange swallowed, but nodded. She understood. “Nifa, you go with your squad leader. Moblit, you and Oruo help take back the barracks. Petra, you stay here and—”

He couldn’t finish before both Petra and Nifa had launched into such high volume, sustained outrage that he thought his head would explode. Nifa put her hands on her hips in the same manner as Petra. Both girls got color in their cheeks as they suggested Levi thought of Petra as a pretty china doll. Levi was about at the point where he wanted to crawl into the cannon to get away from all the insanity. Nifa glared at him, her golden eyes narrowed in fury. Honestly, from a certain angle she and Petra looked very much alike. Nifa was taller, of course, and a little skinnier. Hair was pure red, utterly straight, and the eyes were much lighter than Petra’s. But yeah, they could be sisters, or maybe close cousins.

It was like having two different versions of Petra yelling at him, and one was enough. Levi put up a hand, and the girls quieted.

“I need you to help crowd control here,” he said.

“I’m the second best here on ODM. I’m the second fastest. And you want me to stay on the ground? Captain, that makes no sense.”

She was speaking without any fear of his rank. Oruo looked like he was about to shit himself, or like he already had. Nifa appeared smugly pleased.

“This isn’t an argument.”

“You’re right. It isn’t. I’m coming along with you to the roof.”

He was going to drag this girl into the candle shop, throw her into a closet and lock the door. His other option was to kiss her until she gave in, and right now that wasn’t an option. He also wasn’t sure he was that good a kisser.

“Levi. We need everyone we can trust on this,” Hange said. She sounded weary, as if she understood what he was thinking and why. Levi tightened his fists. He hated that she was right, and that Petra was as well.

“One way or another, I’m leaving your squad,” Petra said simply. Oruo winced. Levi felt like someone had slapped him; the words were so heavy and final. “This is the last time you’ll ever have to deal with me.”

Last time he’d have to deal with her, or get to hold her or look at her. Yeah. Fuck it. Levi was too selfish and weak to deny himself the pleasure of fighting one last time with this girl at his side. He looked Petra in the eye, and saw the fire and the light in her gaze. For this one moment, she wasn’t the shy, blushing subordinate, and he wasn’t her stoic superior. They were just two soldiers, entirely equal.

He’d never have it again, but for that moment it was nice.

“Ral, you’re with me. Keep up, and be ready to do exactly what I tell you. Understood?”

Her shoulders relaxed. “Yes, sir.”

“Everyone’s got their orders. Fly as stealth as possible, we don’t want them to know we’re coming. All right.” Levi looked at his motley crew, most of whom hated him by now. Fuck it. He’d care about feelings later. “Let’s move out.”

***

They’d tied Erwin’s hands together and over his head. He was seated against the wall, his legs sticking straight out. The position was uncomfortable, but he guessed that was by design. Across from him, Nile was still bound and gagged. He’d slumped over, eyes closed as he took some rest. There was nothing either of them could do right now.

Erwin gazed at the mountain of death to his left. Hange had told him about this impossible knotting system before, the Gordian Knot. Even if he got free, he doubted he’d be able to find his way through the labyrinth of intricate knotting to cut the correct fuses.

Three large, snaking bundles of fuses ran out the window and up the wall. Erwin shut his eyes, trying to picture it. The detonator had to be on the roof. Was someone currently up there, or were they more engrossed in the rebellion brewing beneath this roof? Time would tell. Unfortunately, Erwin did not think that time was plentiful.

“Nile.” He looked hard at his former comrade. Nile blinked awake, maneuvering his jaw in an attempt to get the gag out. “Do you know the fastest way to the roof from here?” The other commander looked at Erwin as if he’d asked the bound man to start dancing. Erwin tried shifting in his seat. His shoulders were beginning to burn with the angle at which his hands were over his head. “The detonator is on the roof,” Erwin hissed. “We’ll never defuse these explosives in time. The best chance we have is to get up there.”

Really, the best chance they had was for Levi to come alongside Hange, Mike, and the rest of the Survey Corps. Erwin held hope that his captain and the rest of his men would be on the way. But he could never be certain of it. All Erwin’s life had been an enormous gamble. Today was no different.

The door opened, and Nile quit fussing. Erwin glared at Holtzman as the man closed the door behind him and then crouched to be on eye level with Erwin. He detested the thug’s smug grin.

“Not quite so cozy now, eh, Commander?”

“Where are the rest of the Military Police? How many do you have in your custody? How many of you thugs are currently roaming the streets?”

“If I told you, it’d spoil the surprise. Come the end of the parade, there’ll be lots of fascist thugs that’ll blow sky high.”

End of the parade. Right. Erwin did not have much time at all.

_Levi. Please._

“Y’know, Leviathan had no plans for you or the Survey Corps. We’ve worked with your old friend Levi before. He was very useful to us in the last week or so. He helped us secure our explosives.”

“You can’t get at me that way.” Erwin smiled. “ _Captain_ Levi only aided you because he thought he was getting the explosives into secure hands.”

“Who told you that?”

“I’ve been told.” The thug probably guessed it was Petra, but Erwin didn’t want this scum thinking of her right now. “And even if I hadn’t been, I would know. The captain is many things, but not a traitor. Or a murderer.”

Holtzman whistled. “He killed a bunch these last few days. Slit many of my brothers’ throats and thought nothing of it.”

“That was war, not murder. Levi does not kill the helpless or the innocent. He never has, nor will he.”

“I’ve had a talk with some of the guys,” Holtzman said. “We know Survey Corps has no interest in life inside the walls, or politics. If you agree to help us in the coup that’s coming, we’ll let you go, Commander. Get your people in order, and help us, and you’ll be rewarded. You can have all the gold and jewels you need to fund your expeditions. You’re a man of vision, they say. Not like that weedy piece of crap.” Holtzman jerked his thumb towards Nile, who turned a startling shade of red.

“My soldiers hate politics, it’s true. They’re considered the defective branch of the military by many.” Erwin made a point not to look at Nile. “They want a world that will be, not the world that is. But that future world can only be built with stability and peace in the walls. You will never give us that. So no.”

Holtzman snorted. “Figured. Then I guess you stay where you are.”

“I suppose. But I have one last thing to say to you.”

Holtzman sighed. “What?”

Erwin hung his head. “I will never be Humanity’s Strongest. I do not have Captain Levi’s inestimable skill. I’m not even close to Mike Zacharias. They both received physical gifts that no ordinary man can hope to possess.”

“Yeah. And?”

Erwin looked up. “But both men have pushed me to excel. And I’ve grown much stronger for it.”

Erwin had spent the last half hour straining against the ropes that bound him. Little by little, he’d felt them give. This time, this last time, he gave everything he had into straining against them. He felt the veins stand out in his neck and forehead.

He did so well he tore out a chunk of wall plaster as his arms came forward, free. Before Holtzman could scream, Erwin was upon him. The thug was lean and wiry from years of underground fighting, but Erwin had the advantage. He put the bastard in a headlock, as Levi had taught him once. Within half a minute, the man stopped scrambling and went still. Erwin released him. No one would have blamed him for killing Holtzman, but Erwin wanted to come out of this—if he did come out of it—looking as spotless as possible. And perhaps, despite the vile things this man planned to do, Erwin felt some pity for him. If life had proceeded differently, this might have been Levi.

Erwin found a ring of keys at the man’s belt. Good. He untied Nile, and ungagged him. The other commander spit and coughed as he tore the gag from around his neck, and stood. He glared murder at Holtzman, but did nothing.

“Do you know where they’ve put your men?” Erwin asked.

Nile nodded. “Most will be in our holding pens. Some might be in interrogation rooms if they’re not dead.” He breathed harshly. “Erwin, the medical ward is crawling with _them_. They’ve been using bandages to obscure their features so no one can tell. That’s how I found out what they were doing, when they caught me.”

Erwin recalled the man with mousy hair and the bandaged girl in the wheelchair. He nodded.

“Fastest way to the roof?”

“The east stairwell. You’ll need a key. Here.” Nile fumbled with the ring of keys while Erwin quickly took Nile’s restraints and tightly bound Holtzman. He would stay here with the dynamite. Erwin would not kill the man himself, but if Holtzman fell as a result of his own nefarious actions, then that was simply unavoidable.

Erwin did not have Levi’s capacity for violence, nor the captain’s capacity for mercy.

Nile gave him the key, and took the rest.

“Go free whoever you can quietly. By the way, do you have a man with a rose tattoo on his neck?”

Nile rolled his eyes. “Idiot. Engaged to some girl named Rose or something.”

Excellent. “He might be at his janitorial duties. I don’t think he’s noticed anything amiss. Get him to help you, then get your people out of the barracks.”

“We are not letting these pieces of trash whip us like this!” Nile sounded affronted. Erwin tried not to grow impatient.

“They are looking to kill as many police as possible in order to stage a coup against the king. You surviving is not merely a tactical advantage, it shows them how badly they have failed. It will weaken their morale should this building fall, and I’m going to see to it that it doesn’t. Still. Get your people out, arm them, and wait until it’s safe. Then flood in and arrest the thugs. Every last one.”

Nile gave Erwin the same sour expression he’d occasionally shown when Erwin had come first again in their training class. Erwin had graduated in the top spot of the entire year, praised up and down by every single teacher they had. Nile had been lucky to place eighth, and both knew it was because Erwin had worked tirelessly with him. Nile had loved Erwin, but also resented him. Love and resentment could be close neighbors.

“The king and the walls will need you far more than me if this plan succeeds, Commander Dok. There are enough madmen in the Survey Corps who can easily replace me if I die.”

That softened Nile a bit, and perhaps gave the man a touch of embarrassment. He had to know how petty his irritation had been.

“Thank you, Erwin. Good luck. See you on the other side.”

Erwin nodded. They slipped out and went their separate ways. Erwin hurried around the corner, making a fast line for the eastern stairwell. He found it, opened the door, and started to climb.

***

Levi and Petra were going in first, trying to get the jump on the rooftop thugs before anyone else started chaos. Levi scanned the area, but did not see Erwin. Not like they’d have their prisoner flaunted out in the sun for anyone to see, but it would’ve made Levi’s life much simpler. Petra frowned as she looked at the parade. The floats were coming to an end, the clowns and musicians slowing down their dances and songs. The cannon should be coming soon, though of course this year it would not make an appearance. They had maybe ten more minutes before Leviathan realized something was up.

“Do you see who it is?” Petra asked him. Levi had sharp eyes, after all. He squinted at the rooftop of the Military Police headquarters, but saw only a couple of figures in MP trench coats. By their build and how they carried themselves, he knew they were Leviathan. But he couldn’t figure out if they were in charge of detonation, or protecting the person who was.

“Can’t.” He and Petra continued to squat just behind the gabled peak of a roof. They were nearly invisible to everyone below. When the time came to move, it’d take fewer than ten seconds for them to fly down there and tackle these perps. But they had to wait for Hange’s signal that she and the others were in position. So they waited.

The wind was as icy as ever, but Levi felt no cold now. He wondered if Petra was freezing, but didn’t know how to ask.

So he asked something more pressing.

“We’re about to do this,” he said.

“Yes, sir.”

“We’re going for victory. We’re going to get it. But you never know how things’ll turn out. Rely on yourself, rely on others, it’s always a roll of the dice.”

“Yes, sir.”

She said it routinely, like it was easy. That hurt his heart, but he kept his damn mouth shut.

“You never want to leave something unsaid forever. So in case something goes wrong down there, Petra…if you wanted to tell me something, now would be the time.”

She looked at him, and he looked at her. Her studied neutrality dissolved. She looked surprised, then embarrassed, then considering. Petra wetted her lips, opened her mouth to speak once, stopped, twice, and then…

“I…I think we need to focus on this first. There’ll be time later.” She looked at the thugs below, mentally preparing herself. “I trust you, sir.”

_Tell her you love her. Tell her. No regrets. Just in case._

“Look for Hange’s signal,” he said.

“Yes, sir.”

A moment later, a light flashed from across the way. It flashed twice more.

The signal. Levi took a deep breath, let it fill him. Around him, the noise muted and every inconsequential thought or feeling melted away. There was only him and the job. The greatest peace he had left in this life.

“Now,” he said.

Petra and he moved in perfect synchronicity, shooting their hooks at the exact same time. They swept down through the air, hurtling directly for those trench coat wearing pieces of shit. The men turned around in bafflement as Levi maneuvered to the left in half a second, then wheeled around and surprised one of the men with a kick to the temple. The perp crumpled, as did Petra’s when she landed directly atop his shoulders. In seconds, they’d disabled the defense. All they needed now was—

“I knew I’d see you again.”

Levi’s entire body went numb. His heartbeat seemed to slow. His gaze swung to the figure—the girl slumped over in the wheelchair, bandages crusted in blood wrapped around her chest. She breathed deeply, slowly, every breath she drew a wheeze. Her blond hair lay stringy on her cheeks, but her black eyes were ferocious.

“I’m so…glad. You…were the ones,” Sofia said.

In her hands lay the detonator.


	27. Chapter 27

_I shouldn’t think this is so much fun,_ Hange said to herself as Oruo and Moblit tore off to one side of the headquarters and she and Nifa darted for another. When she was a little younger, back when she’d still entertained the idea that maybe she really _should_ have a baby because that would settle “her crazy brain” according to her grandmother, Hange had sometimes wondered why she launched herself face first into danger with gleeful abandon. Other kids had wanted a pet dog; she’d noticed a wolf hanging around the edges of the pasture, and tried running after it to make friends. (She remembered Mr. Nuzzles fondly.) Other girls had hoped that the boy they liked would bring them a ribbon or a flower; Hange had prayed someone managed to find a good microscope she could use for the different varieties of mold she kept under her bed. (The time Levi had found it while cleaning out her room had been the only time she’d ever seen him actually afraid. Hange wouldn’t swear by it, but she was fairly certain he’d started to cry.) Other women had wanted a baby; Hange wanted to find a baby titan and study it.

She had known for a long time there was something abnormal about her, but it didn’t really bother her at all. The Survey Corps needed oddballs, because who else in their right mind would want this job? Erwin was the exception, a man so handsome and charming and normal that Hange had known somewhere deep inside of herself that he had to be the most screwed up of all of them. Once she’d suggested to Levi Erwin might be a serial killer. Levi had responded by nonchalantly pushing her into the river where they’d stopped to water their horses. When she’d spluttered to the surface, he told her she’d needed a bath.

Aw, Levi. What a pal.

But as Hange and Nifa began to stalk the halls, armed and ready to throw down with any psychopaths or disgruntled thugs they met, Hange did have to wonder why she felt so excited. Maybe it was the thrill of getting to examine a Gordian Knot fuse system in its natural, explosive habitat? Or maybe life had no meaning if she wasn’t an inch from death.

Hange loved to think about wild and unpredictable things, but even she understood this wasn’t the time. Of all the strange and off-putting things she’d studied in her life, she herself might be the strangest and most off-putting of all.

She felt a little proud.

“Miss Hange!”

Hange jolted as a man went sailing past her. The perp had been prepared to take a knife to her back, if the blade falling out of his hand was any indication. The thug landed with a, well, thud. Nifa came up behind Hange, dusting her hands and glaring at the bald man. With an aggressive kick and a yell, she put her boot on the guy’s throat and stepped hard. Hange crouched next to him, the tip of her dagger right between his eyes. He went cross-eyed looking at it.

“Hello! We’re here to stop you. Thank you very much for your compliance.” Hange beamed. “Want to tell me where you’re keeping the explosives?”

“What makes you think they’re not planted all around the place, Four Eyes?” he snapped.

Aw, that just reminded her of Levi. She grinned while she punched him in the face. While the jerk cursed, Hange began her rapid fire yet casual explanation of the Gordian Knot system, the likelihood of the detonator being on the roof, the necessity of employing such a system against titans, and so on until the man finally screamed in frustration.

“Eastern supply closet! Holy shit, _shut up already_!”

“Thanks for your cooperation!” Hange said. Nifa gave one well placed kick, and the idiot became unconscious. The two women dashed down the halls, making their stealthy way towards the supply room. Hange could hear loud, angry shouts and even the sounds of gunfire further down in the opposite direction.

“I hope Moblit and the others are all right,” Nifa murmured. She kept pace with Hange, arms pumping determinedly at her sides. “We can do this. Can’t we?”

“You have such sunny optimism, Nifa,” Hange said fondly. That was better than laughing hysterically, asking the girl if she were kidding, and reminding her they were almost certainly about to die. Not that Hange considered the lives of her subordinates to be cheap. If Hange had suspected for even an instant that Nifa stood a better chance of survival with Moblit right now, she’d send the girl away in a heartbeat. But if the explosives blew, this entire building would be in shambles in a matter of seconds. At least by standing at the heart of the blast, Nifa would simply be vaporized. No pain.

Hange had enough sense not to mention that.

She skidded to a halt outside a supply closet, put her ear to the door and listened. She didn’t hear the exaggerated ticking of a countdown clock, but some muffled cursing let her know the room was occupied. Hange stepped back and kicked the door open, leaping inside with her knife at the ready.

There was a man lying on his side, bound all over with rope and gagged across the mouth. Perhaps she should have cared more about who and what he was, but Hange’s eyes widened with sheer amazement at the gorgeous payload sitting directly in the center of the room.

“Oh! Aren’t you beautiful?” Hange cooed, excitedly stepping over whoever the guy was and rushing to the tower of explosives. Immediately, she set to work on the knots. Her brain hummed, her tongue stayed situated firmly in the corner of her mouth as she thought. The knots were delivered in clusters of three or four per grouping. The idea was that three of the seven fuses in any particular cluster would be active. Cutting all of them might seem like a good idea, but there would be many ‘dummy’ clusters as well. The explanation was complicated, and indeed, Nifa had gone cross eyed when Hange tried to explain in detail, but suffice it to say that the Gordian Knot system was such a monstrosity that you could cut one hundred live fuses and still have nineteen hundred left to go.

The only way to avoid spending hours doing this was to find the one central fuse, the absolute Master Thread. Cut that fuse, and the entire system became inactive. Finding it, though, would involve some rather advanced math conducted extremely quickly inside of her head.

Hange was excited by the challenge. Even if it ended up beyond her, she liked to try new things.

“You’ve got to help me!” The man on the floor panted as Nifa ungagged him. “They tied me up and locked me in here! Hurry. We need to clear out before the bomb goes off.”

“She’s trying to defuse it,” Nifa said. Hange just held up one finger for silence. Already she’d dropped her count. That’d been six thousand and eighty two…

“Then at least untie me. Please!” the man cried. “Help a fellow MP for god’s sake.”

“We’re Survey Corps,” Nifa said.

“You guys are brilliant. I definitely picked the wrong unit,” he said.

“Now we _know_ he’s one of the terrorists,” Hange said casually. Nifa hummed in agreement. The guy started screaming his head off as Nifa kept the door closed and him bound.

“You idiots! You think you can do this yourselves? You’re gonna get all three of us killed! Buncha stupid, crazy-ass women!”

“Nifa?” Hange said gently. “Gag him, please.”

***

After she had fired the gun, after she had watched the bullet rip through Sofia’s chest, Petra had spent every second since praying for some kind of impossible miracle. She’d wished the other woman alive with every breath in her body. Wherever she’d gone, however many steps she’d taken out of the underground, Petra had imagined she could feel Sofia’s eyes still watching her reproachfully. She was certain she’d wake up in a sweat night after night to find Sofia perched at the foot of her bed, a ghost with a lesson to impart. _You killed me when you didn’t have to. You killed me for revenge, not to save your own life._

So finding the girl slumped over in a chair, covered in bandages but very much alive and with a detonator in her lap gave Petra a violent emotional whiplash. She was, of course, horrified, and knew that this was a terrible situation. But at the same time she wanted to burst into tears of gratitude. Her prayers had been answered. She wasn’t a murderer after all. And because of that, they were all about to die.

Petra only gave a soft, choking gasp, which caught Sofia’s attention. The young woman’s black eyes gleamed with a hateful light.

“I’m so…glad. _You’re_ here,” she snarled. Petra could not think of anything to say in reply. “If you…cry…you’ll insult me.”

Sofia coughed, crumpling further on herself. Levi made a move, but Sofia’s hands clamped tight around the detonator. Levi stopped. There were flecks of blood on Sofia’s lips.

“You need a doctor,” Petra said faintly. Sofia inhaled sharply.

“Had one. You…should’ve aimed…further to the left. Didn’t get my heart. But they had to put…a lot of blood into me. Still torn up…inside. The doctor said…I would die…anyway. So I might…as well…be glorious in my…demise.”

It was true. Sofia did not have any ODM gear on. She planned to go down with the ship. Or building.

“Sofia. You can stop this,” Levi said calmly. She didn’t even bother to look at him.

“I will…take out these pigs. These…vermin. They beat us…raped us…tortured and killed us. You can never…be one of them, Levi. What they did…to your own mother.”

He winced, and Petra saw him jut out his chin.

“The ones who did that to her aren’t here anymore,” he growled. “It’s been almost thirty five years gone. No one deserves to pay for what another person did.”

“You think…these people…are innocent?”

“Are any of us?” he asked.

Petra watched them quietly, a silent observer. She could not think of any way to contribute, or what she could possibly do here. All she could do was wait, and be vigilant, and look for some opportunity to act. Was it disgusting to still be so relieved? She wasn’t a murderer. Yes, she’d pulled the trigger ready to take a human life, which was a stain that would never come off, but she hadn’t completed it. She wasn’t a killer.

But if she had been one, maybe they wouldn’t be here right now.

“You made us think you were dead, why?” Levi asked. He cocked his head to the side. “To start a riot?”

Sofia grunted. “Smart. I needed…chaos…to let us move the…explosives. You both provided…me…with a rich…opportunity.” She coughed wetly again, clutching the detonator against her chest.

Petra’s chin wobbled. She would not cry. Quickly, she studied the detonator, the fuse snaking out of the box and down the roof, slipping over the edge of the building. Her eyes widened as her hand discreetly went for her knife. If she could just cut the fuses, like she had back on the parade float. Even if Sofia lit them, there would still be a few seconds before—

“Don’t even try it,” Sofia said dully, noticing the track of Petra’s eyes. “This is…something of a new…invention. More instantaneous. Miners…don’t have to wait. The second after…I push the button.” Sofia made a _boom_ noise, then coughed again. The coughing evolved naturally into a throaty laughter. She slumped further onto her side, bundling around the detonator like a child protecting her favorite toy. “There’ll be no…time.”

Petra understood. They had only two options. Either Hange defused the explosives, which was next to impossible, or they got the detonator away from Sofia. Her heart beat quickly as she glanced to the street below and noticed a line of men and women in Military Police garb as they hurried from the building. These looked like the genuine article, the real MPs. At least Sofia wouldn’t have the big victory she craved, even if the building exploded. Petra needed to keep buying them time to escape. Sofia looked very near to pushing the button.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Huh?” Sofia scowled at her.

“I’m very glad you’re alive.” Petra couldn’t help starting to cry at the end of the sentence. Sofia rolled her eyes. “But it’s true. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I was just hurt.”

“I…tortured you. I tried…to fuck your lover. Shooting me…was the only…ballsy thing I’ve seen you do. This…is _pathetic._ ” Sofia’s furious gaze swung to Levi. “Why…do strong men…fall in love…with weak women?”

Petra stiffened, but Levi answered.

“Only broken pieces of shit think kindness is weak.” His eyes were dull with dislike. “Not that I’m much better. We’re busted, Sofia. She’s not. Despite what you tried to do, she’s still not.”

Petra hadn’t realized how much she’d wanted to hear him say that.

Sofia looked at Levi, really looked at him. Once again, that sad tenderness stole over her, and Petra felt such a tug of sympathy.

“I didn’t…choose…to be like this.”

And once again, Levi’s hatred lessened.

“I know. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I didn’t even try to. That’ll haunt me the rest of my life. It’ll haunt me into hell.” He took one step forward, but stopped when her hand hovered over the button. “Even after all this shit, I want to help. Put it down, Sofia. We already took care of the bomb in the float. Put the detonator down, and I’ll protect you. None of these pricks’ll touch you, I swear it.”

And Petra knew, as she was sure Sofia knew, that he meant what he said. There was nothing that Captain Levi could not do when he’d set his mind to it. Sofia’s head fell forward. She was gazing down into her lap. Petra shared a quick glance with Levi. Neither of them quite knew what to do.

Levi. He looked so stoic, so ready to take control even when he had to be as scared as she was. Or maybe Petra was wrong about that. Maybe when you became as strong as the captain, you gave up fear, quashed some essential part of yourself. It’s what she’d seen already. It’s what she’d told him after they’d fled Leviathan’s headquarters. He was broken. He was diseased.

But he was in so much pain.

And what she wanted to tell him…

“No,” Sofia said. Petra looked at her, felt the blood drain from her face.

“No what?” she croaked.

“No I will…not…forgive them. I will not…give them peace. I will… _not_ …be your sad…little…pet…while you love _her_ …and pity me.” Tears of utter rage sped down her cheeks. She bared her teeth, now pink with traces of blood. “I won’t be…pathetic. I’d rather _die_!”

Petra felt her body go numb as Sofia pressed her thumb along the top of the button.

“And you…can join me.”

***

Erwin had not been as speedy as he’d have liked. Soon after entering the stairwell, he’d been accosted by more than a few of Leviathan’s thugs. He’d fought against them, nearly fallen at their hands, but in the end he was still standing. A little bloodier and more bruised, but the enemy all lay at his feet. Erwin wiped sweat from his forehead, straightened his shoulders, and continued the climb. He hated that he’d wasted precious minutes on this nonsense.

He didn’t know exactly when the damn thing was supposed to go off. Idly, Erwin wondered if perhaps the bomb hadn’t already exploded. That there was, in fact, an afterlife, and in it he’d been damned to wander an eternal staircase, always climbing, never reaching his destination.

_If that isn’t my whole damn life encapsulated._

Erwin did not fear death, but he feared being unfulfilled. He had given everything he could have had or otherwise been to this one dream. If he died paving the way for his soldiers in battle, he could accept it. That death would spur someone else on to take up his mantle. But to die victim to some disgruntled terrorist? It would be a waste. How much had he already given up? A home? Marie? The children he might have had with her? Respect? The crown’s favor? Wealth? All of it he’d given away without hesitation because he believed that a story such as his must end in victory. He would sacrifice anything for that goal. He would delay any and all gratification to savor that reward.

But he was thirty-eight years old. What youth remained to him was now just dregs. Middle age was staring him in the face, and his dream was no closer to fruition. At least a marriage and children would be something to show to the world. Something to represent his achievement. But as the years passed and his reward did not arrive, Erwin began to worry.

Perhaps this belief that his life was meant for something greater was just that. A belief. Not a fact. Not a promise. Something as abstract as air, or a goddess. A story he’d told himself over and over to avoid the blunt fact that he’d been so stupid he’d gotten his father killed. His father was dead because of Erwin.

This dream had been for his father as much as for him.

If Erwin died as a victim to some wild bitch’s unhinged scheme, then his father’s sacrifice was not even a sacrifice. It was just a mundane tragedy, the same as so many others.

And Erwin would never, ever allow the mundane to tarnish his life. He’d sworn that the day he left Marie’s bed and walked away. His life would have extraordinary meaning.

He would not die today. Not like this.

Furious, Erwin strode the last steps and arrived at the door to the roof. It was made of metal, heavy, meant to protect. He took out the key and shoved it into the lock. He turned it. Or tried to.

_Fuck Nile._

It was the wrong key.

***

“Can’t you just cut all of them?” Nifa was trying her best to be calm, but Hange heard the fear underneath. It’d been almost ten minutes since she’d started, and Hange so far hadn’t snipped a single fuse.

_Five hundred thousand, six hundred and ninety one if I divide by clusters of four in eight…_

“Cutting them in two only creates more trails,” she said casually, still effortlessly doing the math in her head as she spoke. She could multitask when she wanted to. “I’d only be doubling the work for myself. Now shh.” Hange furrowed her brow. “Er, Nifa? If you run for the front door now, you might still be able to clear the building before—”

“I’m staying here,” the girl replied. Stubborn. She and Petra both always seemed to dig their heels in. Hange wondered if there was a scientific study on obstinacy in redheads. Maybe if she lived she’d write about it one day.

Then, like a light flaring to life, her mind picked on something. The numbers came together in neat symmetry, and…yes. Yes!

“Yes!” Hange cried, picking up the dagger to cut. Nifa gasped in joy. The man with the gag in his mouth groaned in seeming relief.

And the door flung open, whacking the wall. Hange leapt into the air as Nifa shouted.

“Oruo! You stupid bastard, get out of here!”

“Never fear, ladies. I’ve successfully cleared all the MPs from the building, and Moblit’s fighting off the last of the guards!”

As if on cue, Hange heard her aide’s high-pitched scream come from around the corner. She honestly wasn’t worried. Moblit tended to scream when he’d been successful in battle. She got afraid when he started to cry.

But…oh no.

“Oh no.” Hange put a hand to her head. Oruo had been so loud, and…

“Oh no what?” Nifa asked.

The gagged man gave a muffled cry as Hange shook her head, staring at the snarl of knots. She couldn’t believe it. She could not believe it.

“I dropped the count,” she said in soft horror.

***

Petra had to move right now. All her senses became heightened, and she honed her gaze onto the box in Sofia’s hands. There was only her and this detonator. Nothing else. Not even Levi.

If she wanted to see him alive and safe, if she wanted to tell him what she needed to tell him, she had to end this now. Petra’s knees bent without her ordering them to. She tasted copper on her tongue, even though she wasn’t bleeding. Her blood was wild inside of her.

It was time to end this. Finally.

“Sofia, don’t,” Levi growled. He moved towards her slowly, one hand stretched out. Sofia smirked at him. She even fluttered her eyelashes.

“So now you…see me? Now you…care? You and I, Levi. We belong…in hell.” She bared her teeth. “Together.”

Petra pulled her blade from its sheath…and flung it.

The blade sank almost perfectly into Sofia’s thigh. Her eyes widened, her hands jerked, and the box went flying out of her hands.

Petra whispered, “Run.”

And Levi did. He moved like lightning, speeding to collect the detonator. Sofia fell out of the chair, and scrambled on her hands and knees to retrieve the device. Petra launched herself after, almost shaking with the nearness of triumph. _Only a few more inches, Levi._ Only a second more…

Levi had it. His hands closed around the detonator, and he yanked it up to his chest.

It was over. Petra sank to her knees in relief, her body turning to mush. She could have laughed, or cried, or done both.

With an animal yell, Sofia yanked Petra’s blade from out her thigh. Blood instantly coated her pants leg, but the girl did not notice.

Instead, she sank the blade into Levi’s side.

It seemed to happen so quickly, and yet took all the time in the world. Petra’s mouth fell open as Levi went blank with shock. The knife sank deep into his flesh, blood spurting around the blade. Levi, Petra could see, tried to recover his footing at once, but it was already too late.

When the blade entered him, he dropped what he was holding in shock. The device tumbled out of his grasp, and into Sofia’s hands.

Levi fell to the ground, blood gushing from his wound.

Petra did not even have time to call his name. Sofia stared straight at her, black eyes shining with wicked triumph.

Petra screamed with rage.

And Sofia pressed the button.


	28. Chapter 28

Levi got stabbed when he was fifteen years old. It was when he was angrier, less inclined to caution, more emotional. And it’d happened in the dumbest possible fashion. He’d snuck into some old lady’s home in the middle of the night, back when he’d been a lightweght thief. There was no money on the kitchen table, but there was half a loaf of bread and he’d been starving. So hungry he didn’t even have the bright idea to take the food and just go. Instead he’d stood there in the dark, tearing off chunks of bread with his teeth and devouring them. He ate so fast he didn’t think to check what was behind him. The old lady stuck him between his back ribs with a kitchen knife, and Levi screamed like a girl—that’s what his old gang mates said when they were back at their apartment and stitching him up. Tittering, the old boss Saul, a kid with more gaps than teeth, had sewn Levi up and told him to quit cursing and whining.

“It’s a wound, dumbass. Kill wounds are at the front, on the thigh, the neck. Ribs’ll bleed, but you won’t die if there ain’t an infection. Calm your fucking balls.”

“Why didn’t you deck the old bitch?” someone else asked. Levi shrugged.

“Eh. I was takin’ her food. She probably doesn’t have much. I get why she did it.”

Levi had never liked hitting women. He’d do it if he had to, but he didn’t like it. The guys had only kept laughing, poured alcohol onto the wound to clean it while Levi swore, and gone about their business.

That had been a long time ago, and apparently Levi wasn’t all that much smarter today.

As he dropped the detonator on impulse and fell to the ground, Levi already knew that the knife in his ribs, while a dreadful bitch, was only a wound. Not fatal. If he hadn’t dropped the fucking fuse right into another dreadful bitch’s hands, he could’ve expected to make a full recovery. But in the next half a second or so, he was going to blow sky high.

Not just him. Petra. Fuck him, fuck his weakness, fuck his desperation. He couldn’t think straight with all the adrenaline and the anger and being one dopey piece of shit. He couldn’t do what he needed when she possessed him like this. He couldn’t keep his head cool and level when his heart was so fucking bruised.

He was a useless piece of shit. Love hadn’t just made him sloppy, it’d doomed them all.

As he landed on the ground, he heard Petra give one angry wail.

And then…

“Huh?”

That was Sofia. Levi lay on the ground, absolutely stunned for another half second. Still alive. Still alive. What the shit? Grunting in pain, that knife wound starting to bleed pretty fierce, he hoisted himself up onto his elbows to look. Across from them, Petra gaped in muted shock. Sofia pressed the button. Again. Again.

Click. Click.

Nothing.

“Huh? What the…” The blonde girl kept making befuddled noises, and Levi screwed his face as he gingerly sat up.

Click. Click.

“What the fuck?” he said.

***

“How do we know you did it right?” Nifa asked.

Hange held one end of the cut wire in her hand, her dagger in the other. She looked left and right, as if the explosion was hiding off to the side, all ready to sneak up on her.

“Well. I’m not sure.” Hange looked back at her subordinates. Nifa was pale; Oruo had tears in his eyes; Moblit was jerking and twitching. Perhaps he should see a doctor, that might be neurological. Their captive remained on the floor, staring at Hange with a glazed expression. “Hmm. I suppose we’ll know if I succeeded if it doesn’t blow up.” She gazed back at the gnarling, Gordian system. She’d half remembered and half guessed which fuse to cut. “How long have we been here? Ten minutes? We could wait ten more.”

Moblit started to cry and laugh at the same time.

“You people are fucking idiots,” the thug said in amazement.

***

It wasn’t working. In the second it took them all to realize this, Sofia howled in fury and threw the box at Petra, who dodged it.

Levi did not have patience. He did not want to watch this psychotic bitch go after Petra; he did not want to give her another fucking chance.

Sofia had been given chance after chance, and she’d sat there jamming at a button again and again waiting to blow them all to hell and back. Despite his appearance and reputation, Levi knew he was a soft touch with his men. Maybe that was true. Maybe he was indulgent. Perhaps he could be a little too indulgent.

But he could learn. And what he learned, he rarely forgot.

Quick, he shot his left grappling hook, spearing Sofia through her side. The girl jerked, convulsing in agony as Levi proceeded to shoot his other hooks, snagging the edge of the roof. He wheeled them both in, the girl to him and him to the edge. Within seconds, he was just above a three story drop, crowds swarming beneath.

He grabbed Sofia by the throat. The knife sticking out of his side was a nightmare, but he had fought through worse. Sofia spit and howled at him, clawing like a cat, dragging her nails down his cheeks. Levi wrenched the knife from his side and put it to her throat.

He took a quick look at Petra. If this was the end of her feeling for him, let it be over. She hadn’t been made a killer yet; he’d spare her that.

He gazed back into Sofia’s eyes, still crackling with hate. The kid he’d been looking for was gone. Bad things had happened to her, like they had to him. She’d made bad choices to survive, like he had. But wiping out hundreds in the blink of an eye? Nothing made you that fucked up. You either leaned into it or you didn’t.

“Hey,” he whispered. She sneered at him. “That monster. What was it called? The one that rises up from below to take out the bad?”

The corners of her eyes crinkled.

“Levi—”

He slid the knife neatly across her throat. Blood ran in rivulets down his hands, and spurted from her throat. She choked, coughed, tried for air but couldn’t get any. He sat there and calmly watched as the light faded from her eyes. When she was gone, he leaned nearer and whispered.

“That’s right.”

He felt no need to stand on ceremony. She didn’t deserve it. He threw the body over the edge of the roof, let it splatter on the street below. Levi calmly turned away from the muffled shrieks and exclamations as Sofia’s corpse met the sidewalk. He kept a hand to his side, trying to put pressure on the bleed as he scooted along the roof. He wouldn’t die of the wound, but bleeding too much wasn’t good for your health.

“Levi!”

Petra raced over to him, all but knocking him over with her urgency. He lay on his back—more comfortable this way, really—and gazed up at her face. He waited to see horror, or disgust, or fear.

Instead, he found tears. She grabbed his arm, touched his side where the wound was. She was trembling like a leaf in autumn.

“Levi…”

Her face crumpled, and she began to sob. Then she leaned over and kissed him. She trailed kisses over his cheeks and forehead and lips while he just lay there, utterly stunned. She kissed and kissed, only taking a break to sob next to his ear, then collapsed on top of him and lay there holding him, her wet cheek next to his, her faltering voice whispering in his ear.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh god, I’m so sorry.” Once again, she dissolved into tears, and clamped her hand down harder on his side. She looked up, panic breaking over her face. “Somebody help! He’s been stabbed, help us!” She was screaming now, her voice shrill with terror. Levi had to force himself not to smile.

“Petra. Petra!” He finally caught her attention. “It’s not fatal,” he said simply. Her chin wobbled. She sniffed, and wiped her cheeks.

“Huh?”

“She got me in the ribs. I need a doctor, but I’ll probably live. Long as I don’t bleed too hard.” She helped him sit up, then quickly took the scarf she’d wound about her throat. She yanked his shirt up and tied the scarf tightly around his ribs. She was good with keeping the pressure. She’d been one of the best in her medical elective, Shadis had told him that. Levi watched her while she worked, her cold-reddened cheeks and chapped lips, the lines of her tears and the cloud of her breath. When she’d bandaged him as best she could, she looked up into his eyes. That look was enough to get her sobbing again. Petra buried her face in her hands, shook her head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was…” The word got lost in a fresh sob. Then she wrapped herself around him, kept kissing him, kept crying. “I love you. I love you so much. I was awful. When she stabbed you… She pressed that button, I…” She lay her head on his shoulder, squeezed him tight. “I thought it was over. I was so stupid. I love you. I’m sorry. Please.”

He’d never felt so calm before. The pain didn’t register anymore. He kissed her temple. Her cheek. Her chin. Petra gave a breathless, joyous sob as he kissed her lips. They were locked in an embrace, and the warmth of her mouth and her love set him to thaw. He kissed her forehead, tucked her against him and whispered into her hair.

“It’s been a bad week. Okay? We’ll survive.”

That made her giggle helplessly. She let him hold her close, allowed him to rock her. She kissed his lips again and again, small, chaste kisses that let him know she was with him. She melted into him, even as cold as it was out here. He closed his eyes, and breathed.

“It’s over,” he whispered. “It’s finally fucking over.”

“I really am sorry,” she moaned. “I was so ugly.”

“Shh.” He covered her mouth with his. The half-second that he’d been sure of death had been all the time he needed to know. He couldn’t live properly without her. He could live, sure, but not properly. “Look, you thought you killed someone on my account. That’s not counting the fucking torture. Giving me a little cold shoulder’s not the worst thing you could’ve done.”

She kept holding him, though now she began to shiver. Fuck, it was cold up here.

Unless she was shivering for a different reason. If so, he had to know for sure.

“Tell me the truth, Petra. Are you horrified that I killed her?”

She stopped crying. She looked at him with those wide, honest eyes of hers.

“I wish no one had to die. But now I’m just sorry I didn’t kill her myself.” Her gaze dropped. “I don’t mean I wanted to. But you can’t save everyone. Not everyone…wants to stop.”

No. Her faith in the whole concept of a cheerful, rosy humanity had been shaken during this past week. He hated for her to lose it, but such a thing was the price of growing up. With growing old.

“If I said something about having no regrets, would you take my head off again?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. She flushed and ducked her head, but he caught her mouth with a kiss. “Sorry. I can be a real shit.”

“I almost had the biggest regret of my life, so remind me as much as you want.”

Fuck, it was over. He could’ve gone to sleep right then, drifted into dreamlessness. He’d never felt this relieved before. He felt light, like bubbles were fizzing in his blood. He grunted as he rose to his feet, Petra helping him. And as Levi was about to discuss getting down, there was a great banging sound. He clutched Petra, ready to put her behind him as the door to the roof kicked open with the scream of tearing metal. Levi clutched his bloody knife as…

“Erwin?” Levi let go of Petra as the blond man leaped onto the roof, crouched and ready for anyone to attack him. His Commander turned to him, and the two soldiers stared in shock at one another.

“Levi,” Erwin said, still stunned.

“You giant shithead, what the fuck kept you?”

Erwin’s lips twitched, and maybe it was just the strain of the day, but the big man laughed hard. He tilted his face back so that the winter sun highlighted it, and placed one large hand across his stomach. Levi’s lips twitched as he struggled not to laugh himself. But he could barely contain himself. A solid week of running and fighting and fearing, and now…

Now they could all get out of here. Though he’d eventually have to talk to Erwin about the lost gold. That was a thorn in his side, but if it was the price he paid for getting out of this in one piece, so be it.

“Oi, Erwin. You got here a little late to be useful. Tch.” Levi winced; he’d moved too suddenly, and his side throbbed. Fuck, he was getting a little lightheaded. Needed a doctor. “Petra, get me downstairs to medical.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, bearing his weight and helping him along. She was so near to him. She could press herself as near as she wanted, far as he was concerned. As they headed for the door, Levi noticed that the two thugs Petra and he had dispatched were beginning to stir. He stopped short.

“Erwin. Behind you.”

But more Military Police flooded onto the roof, and soon the two bad men were very much surrounded. Levi closed his eyes. He didn’t have to deal with the situation. Every once in a while, it was nice for someone else to take charge. Grunting, he squeezed Petra, and they both hobbled along.

“Levi. What happened?” Erwin left the MPs to their job and followed Levi and Petra down the stairs. Their voices echoed in the close hallway.

“She pushed the button, but the bomb didn’t go off. Not sure why, but I’m grateful. After that, I killed her.” Levi said it easy, matter of fact. His ease belied how uncomfortable he felt. After everything Sofia had done to him and to Petra, he did not regret her death. But he did regret the manner of it, so to speak. He’d killed Sofia after the bomb had failed to detonate, leaving her unarmed. Killing her when she couldn’t properly fight back hadn’t been self defense. It’d been an execution. Revenge. Killing her, watching the light leave her eyes, had felt satisfying. And that part of him that took some pleasure from exacting vengeance, the part that didn’t mind their screams or their pain, that part still gave him some pause. It was the old Levi, the one who lurked in his shadow, the one who would always be there no matter how crisp his uniform was, or how much he was loved by a woman.

But that Levi was going back in his corner. That man would stay away. Levi believed it.

Still, the way he’d killed her felt a little cowardly. She hadn’t even had her own knife And Levi felt, uncomfortably, that some price was owed for his lack of honor.

“Levi?” Petra ghosted a kiss across his cheek as they left the stairwell. She watched him with worried eyes. “What’s wrong?”

When he saw the concern in her face and heard it in her voice, and when she kissed him, Levi banished the last shreds of Sofia from his mind. Petra loved him. She was sorry. She wanted to make it up to him, and he to her. If he had this, he had a reason to be steady.

And with Erwin still walking behind him, he had a reason to live.

“You realize the debriefing is going to be quite intense,” Erwin said, sounding bemused as they navigated through a crowd of MPs and hurried into the medical ward. There, they had to struggle through one clump of soldiers after another. It was getting a little tight in here for Levi’s liking. He felt Erwin’s hand on his shoulder, and relaxed a bit. “The paperwork for both of us will be a nightmare.”

“Shit. Maybe getting blown up was the better option.”

Petra scoffed at that and squeezed his arm. He loved when he shocked her, loved the face she made. It was close to the face she made when…never mind.

Erwin just chuckled. “Wait here. I’ll see about getting you a private room and a doctor.”

Erwin pushed through the crowd, people making way for him due to his height. Petra nuzzled at Levi’s cheek. The tip of her nose was a damn icicle, but he didn’t mind. Down here, with the warmth of the bodies all around, he could feel himself coming back to life.

“You realize you’re gonna have to take care of me,” he said, eyeing her. “Nurse Petra. You’re one of our best medics, after all.”

She beamed. “I’m going to take the _best_ care of you,” she whispered. The particular sultry tone of her voice sent the hair on his arms and the back of his neck standing straight up. “I’ll bathe your wounds, bandage you. Massage you.” He felt her kiss light on his cheek, but sensed she was holding back. They were around other soldiers, after all. Around friends. She was being cautious.

Fuck caution.

He turned and caught her lips, kissed her properly. It didn’t last long—he didn’t want to make out in the middle of some frantic, injured soldiers—but it was good, and it lit a fire in his belly. When they were finished, she gazed into his eyes, he into hers. Her fingers entwined with his.

“I may have to be in bed all day,” he murmured. He thrilled when her cheeks flushed.

“Well. I’m a very attentive nurse,” she whispered.

 

One hour later, Levi and Petra were sitting in the private room Erwin had wrangled for them, and Levi was wincing as the doctor put in the last stitches. He had his right arm raised to allow the man to work, while Petra sat next to him on the table, gripping his one hand with both of hers. The doctor hummed absently as he jabbed Levi one last time with the needle, pulled the thread through, and then snipped it.

“You can put your arm down now, Captain.” The man finished bandaging it, and Levi lowered his arm gratefully. “Remember now, the dressing needs to be changed three times a day. You can’t afford an infection. And no strenuous exercise for at least two weeks. You don’t want the stitches to rupture.”

“You really _are_ going to be in bed all day,” Petra murmured, a decidedly wicked glint in her eye.

“Thanks, Doc. Now go see to the others. I just need some rest.” Levi leaned his head back against the wall, looking the picture of fatigued innocence. In reality, once the door had shut behind the doctor Levi had his arms around his girl, and felt her arms around him. She sighed as her hands traced down his bare back. He kissed her hard enough that he was sure his lips would swell, and Petra moaned and whimpered and gave herself up to it, returning his passion. He kissed her face now, her cheeks and forehead, her nose and chin. While he rediscovered her, she sighed in contentment.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?” He didn’t want to be distracted right now from the line of her throat.

“Did I ruin it?” She sounded nervous. That was enough to make him stop and stare at her.

“Sit on my lap and you’ll notice you didn’t ruin anything,” he muttered. Petra blushed and smiled, but still appeared hesitant.

“I just couldn’t stop being angry,” she said softly. She rubbed her eyes. Ah, well. Maybe slowing down right now was for the best; he was getting too excited, anyway. “I was so scared, but I know that’s not an excuse.” Now her voice wavered. She was on the verge of tears, so he slipped an arm around her waist and waited for her to finish. “When I said I didn’t want anything of you, that was a terrible thing to say.” She hid her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook. “I just…wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t forget that.”

Levi was not going to sweet talk her. It wasn’t his strong point, and he hated lying. So he pulled her close to him, let her rest her head on his chest. He felt the flutter of her pulse beneath his fingertips. Her heart was racing.

“Truth?” he grunted. “You’re right. I can’t forget what you said. Not ever.” Petra gave a muffled sob, and he shushed her, stroking her hair. “Same way you can’t forget watching me gut a man in front of you. We’re not perfect people. We saw parts of each other we can’t unsee.” He lifted her chin, wiped her tears with his thumb. “And I need to remember that for someone from above ground, this past week was a special kind of hell. I can’t hold what you said against you; the fact you weren’t out of your mind by the end there shows how fucking tough you are.” Petra smiled weakly at that. He took her face in his hands. Her face was so delicate. It was his. “And I know I’m fucked up,” he said evenly. When Petra began to stir and protest, he stopped her. “I know I am. Don’t lie to me. I don’t forgive people who lie to my face.” She settled down at once. “I’m not much good with people. You know that, so don’t act surprised.”

“Oh, that’s hardly a surprise.” She smiled a little. Tch. Mischievous brat. He loved that about her.

“I’m going to try to get along better, but too much has happened for me to ever be like the boys up here. You got it? If you can’t deal with it, then this doesn’t work. Understand?”

“I do.” She took his hands from her face and gripped them tight. “Because I’m not going to lose you again.”

He stroked her cheek with the backs of his knuckles. Her skin, though cold, was still so soft. He cupped her chin in his palm.

“I don’t give a lot of people the power to hurt me.” His voice was rough with the confession. This was harder to say than ‘I love you’ had been. “One hard word out of you felt worse than any beating Kenny could’ve laid on me.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry,” she whispered. She looked like she was about to cry again, so he preoccupied her with a kiss. Then another. And one more after that. Finally, here she was. Here they were. Titans were going to be a fucking picnic after their adventures in Mitras. In some ways, Levi was glad he’d heard those cruel words from Petra’s mouth. He’d seen her at her ugliest, same way she’d seen him. She could be mean for the sake of mean, angry, out of control. She could be petty and deliberately cold. She wasn’t a perfect angel. She was just a woman.

And she didn’t mind that he was crude and unsociable and neurotic. She never minded his scowls. He was much harder to deal with on a daily basis than she was. He could forgive her an outburst after the week she’d had. They both had things to forgive each other for.

“Gotta tell you something,” he said when they were done. “I left the necklace underground. Fucking stupid of me, I should’ve kept it, but—”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t have kept it, either,” she said softly. She laid her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair, lost himself in the scent of sunlight. She only had to spend a few minutes out in the bright air, and she was instantly full of color and light again. He let her feel his heartbeat, and relaxed into her embrace. “I love you,” she whispered, sounding almost shy. “I’ll never stop. I’ll make it up to you.”

“I got a way you can start right now,” he said.

After a few increasingly heated minutes, during which he became rock hard and wondered if he was too injured for a little fun, there was a knock at the door. Petra peeled away from him, smoothing her mussed hair and straightening her clothes. Levi cleared his throat, picked up his shirt and swung into it. “Yeah?” he called. As he was finishing the top buttons, Nile Dok entered. From the looks of him, a blood vessel was about to burst. “Is this to say thank you?”

“Captain. Did you throw a woman’s body from the roof of this building?”

Levi glanced at Petra. When you put it that way, it sure made him sound like a psychopath.

“Not just a woman. _The_ woman. The one who planted the explosives that were supposed to kill you, your MPs, and a few hundred citizens,” Levi said. Petra placed her hand in his. That was all the touch he needed to center himself. “To be fair, she succeeded. She got the better of me. The only reason this place didn’t blow when she hit that button was because Hange cut the master fuse and disabled the bomb. She’s the real hero today, her and the grunts. I did what I could on my part to make things right. I killed the woman, then I dumped the body. Thought you and your guys wouldn’t want to drag a corpse down three flights of stairs. Consider it my little gift to you.”

Nile continued to stand there like a statue, practically quivering with rage. Apparently there was no favor Levi could do this guy that did not offend the Commander on some level.

“Because of that little stunt, I have panicked crowds outside. We might have kept this entire affair quiet, but thanks to your theatricality everyone wants to know what’s going on. That’s not to mention how unruly the rest of the Leviathan thugs have become. We’re still sorting them out, since most are wearing our uniform. Some of them have even been spies for a while. Seeing their leader’s body treated with such carelessness has only inflamed passions. We had enough trouble today on account of you without—”

“You’d all be dead now if it wasn’t for the captain.”

Petra spoke so clearly and with so much authority that both Levi and Nile were taken aback. She glared at Nile, squeezing Levi’s hand.

“Who are you, exactly?” Nile asked.

“Officer Petra Ral. Survey Corps. And it’s true. No one would have found out about the explosives or Sofia’s plan without Captain Levi. He’s spent an entire week underground working to stop Leviathan.” Maybe it was because she’d been pushed to her limit, or maybe it was because she had Levi’s hand in her own. Whatever the reason, Petra showed no fear. “Maybe you should ask yourself how you let it all get this far. Aren’t you the Commander? Don’t you know your own men?” She glowered. “Commander Erwin knows every one of us by name.”

Levi could have kissed her right then, but he liked to keep his real, hot feelings hidden away from people like Nile. Instead, he clasped her hand tighter and gave a light shake of his head. _Let me handle this,_ his look said. Petra settled down, but continued glaring at Nile. Hey. Levi had no problem with that.

“I know Erwin has very lax standards when it comes to his personnel,” Nile said, snippy and prim as an old maid. “But if you speak to me like that again, Ral, I’ll have you arrested for insubordination.”

“If you try to do that, Nile, you’ll have to deal with me.” Levi smirked to see Nile shrink at the thought. “I don’t expect thank you’s. I don’t really deserve them. Thank Hange and her men, and thank Erwin and the rest of the Survey Corps. We only stopped a catastrophe because of them.”

“I want you to understand something,” Nile said slowly. His voice was low with rage. “There is massive civil unrest out there right now. The prisoners are growing riotous because of what you did to their boss. The bomb didn’t go off, but this city is now a lit powder keg. And _you_ did that, Captain.”

“Fuck off, Nile.” Levi had no witty retort, and didn’t care about wit anyway. “Get out of here before I break your shitty legs.”

Nile looked at Petra. Really looked at her. “This man will lead you to hell. But I guess that’s part of the attraction.”

Before Levi could get up and pound the skinny man’s ass, Nile took off. Levi stood in the middle of the room, fist balled and wondering if he shouldn’t go after the prick anyway.

“Levi.” Petra called him back, soothed him with her hands. Her lips found his, she kissed his temple. Hee felt the blood in his veins cool. “He’s an idiot. The Military Police are still here thanks to you, and not him. He just can’t stand that.”

“Yeah.” He kissed her. “And thanks to you.” He leaned his forehead against hers. Fuck, this felt good. “I… I can’t help it. I’ve wondered why I threw her off the roof. She was already dead.”

“You were angry. It’s natural.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to treat her like she was less than shit.” He sighed. “She _was_ less than shit. Anyone who does half of what she does would be.”

“Maybe it was harder to accept because she was a woman,” Petra said. She worried her lip. “And you knew her since she was a child. If Sofia had been a man like Kenny, maybe we wouldn’t have given her as many chances.”

“Yeah, but when I saw how rotten she was deep down I hated her _more_ for it. More than I’d hate some man.” Levi winced. “I don’t know, Petra. The whole thing makes me fucking sick. And now, I mean…what if I really did make everything worse for the people?”

“You didn’t.” She held him close. He pressed his cheek to her neck, felt the beat of her pulse. “You’re the main reason they’re alive right now. Just remember that.”

“Okay.” He eased down onto a leather sofa on the other side of the room. She sat beside him, tucked her feet up onto the cushion. She nuzzled him, stayed with him. Already, the memory of her anger and coldness was fading. They’d be all right, wouldn’t they? Even if he’d broken Mitras, he hadn’t broken this.

The door opened again, and Levi stood up. Time for another round with Dok, apparently.

“Hey, Levi!”

Or not. Hange swaggered into the room, beaming, her glasses sitting on top of her head. Levi enjoyed being exasperated by the lanky brunette, rolling his eyes and groaning at her crazy ideas. But today, he was all sincerity.

“Good job, Hange. I have no idea how you did it. That shit’s supposed to be impossible.”

Hange beamed, tilted her head to one side. She tried not to show how pleased she was with herself. “Oh, it was fun! It hasn’t taken me ten minutes to do any puzzle since I was nine!”

Nifa barged in after Hange, with Moblit at her back. Moblit panted, hung onto the doorframe. He must’ve been chasing Hange all around the building. She could be difficult to grab onto.

“Squad Leader! Commander Dok needs to speak with you about paperwork.”

“Eh. Boring men with their boring forms.” Hange rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. “You defuse one enormous bomb, and they want you to document it twenty times over. Well. Come on, Moblit.” Hange breezed out the door, dragging her second in command with her. Nifa studied Levi and Petra, looking lightly cautious.

“Everything all right?”

“It is. Very,” Petra said. To that, Nifa shot the girl a sly wink and closed the door behind her, shutting out the sounds of the medical ward.

“I should probably go find Erwin,” Levi said. Eh, something about the winks passing between those girls made him self-conscious. But Petra tugged at his arm, pulling him back to face her.

“Don’t leave me.” She said it with a smile, but there was something underneath it that caught his attention. Something skittish.

“Don’t plan on it,” he said gruffly, letting her wrap her arms around his neck.

“Good,” she whispered, kissing him. Since their reunion on the roof, they couldn’t seem to stop touching, almost as if they needed to check that the other was still there. Real. Levi kissed her lips, fisted her hair. He kept her close to him, until he heard someone behind them make a sound.

Oruo was standing at the door, his face absolute crimson.

Fuck. Levi nearly let go of Petra to spare the young man’s feelings, but the cat was more than out of the bag. It was so far out of the bag that it was in a whole other bag.

“Oruo!” Petra blushed, but kept one hand in Levi’s.

“The, uh, Commander’s on his way,” Oruo said. He looked at the floor, and Levi had an idea of what the kid might be feeling. Levi tried to imagine seeing Petra happy in another man’s arms, and he couldn’t quite get there. It hurt too much.

“Oi. Oruo.” He nodded. “You did well today. The whole city owes you. And so do I.”

Oruo’s blush deepened even further, but he did smile.

“Thank you, Captain.” He straightened up, the compliment already buoying him. Good. Finally, Erwin sauntered into the room.

“That’s all, Oruo. Thank you,” Erwin said, dismissing the guy. When Oruo left, Erwin closed the door and gestured for Levi and Petra to sit. “Please.”

Petra gratefully sank onto the sofa. Levi hadn’t even thought about how pale she looked, how weak she was on her feet. He sat down next to her quickly.

“You okay? You need to eat? Drink?”

“I’m fine.” She smiled.

“I’ll have something sent here for both of you,” Erwin said. “Now. I don’t know if Nile’s been to see you—”

Petra made a harsh, almost grunting noise. Erwin stifled a laugh.

“I see. Despite the dire impression I’m sure he wanted to give, you should both feel proud. The king’s been informed of our victory here, yours especially. There’s talk he might arrange for a decoration ceremony.”

“Oh good,” Levi said flatly. “That’ll give me a chance to come all the way back up to Mitras to kiss some fancy royal ass. Can’t wait.”

Petra giggled, and Erwin grinned.

“I’ve told Lord Reiss that a letter of commendation might be better. And Petra, I’d like to put you forward for special commendation as well.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks turned a cute shade of pink. “Thank you, Commander. I didn’t do much, though.”

“Don’t be humble, Petra. Take what you earned,” Levi said bluntly. She only beamed at him like he’d said something charming.

“I already have,” she said, looking damn mischievous. Erwin cleared his throat at that.

“This might not be the proper time to broach the topic, but have you two decided how you’d like to proceed with these…new arrangements?” Erwin made it sound elegant instead of awkward.

“I think so.” Levi traced his thumb along the back of Petra’s hand. “We gotta decide the finer points right now?”

“No. That can wait. Right now, there’s something you both can do for me,” Erwin said. “Stay here and rest for a couple of hours. As I said, I’ll have refreshment brought, but it’d be good if the pair of you could get some sleep. It will be a long ride back to Trost.”

“I don’t need to take up space and slack off. What work do you need me to do?” Levi stood up, ready to go.

“Everything is being taken care of already. Levi, when did you last sleep?”

What was this, past noon? Fuck, he’d been awake over thirty hours at this point.

“You know I don’t need much,” he grumbled. “What’s happening out there?”

Erwin seemed to hesitate. “The Survey Corps has teamed up with the Military Police to properly control the remaining Leviathan members.”

“Control. They’re still on the street? Causing trouble?” Levi’s hackles went up.

“Levi, I don’t need you on this.” Erwin frowned.

“Fuck does that mean? You want me to take a nap while everything goes to shit outside?”

“I didn’t say that was happening. But I need you to lay low for a few hours.”

Levi frowned. “I don’t get it. Why?”

Erwin sighed heavily and crossed his arms. “Because I don’t want to give Nile extra ammunition to go after you.”

“Fuck Nile.”

“Sir, what do you mean?” Petra leaned forward, looked concerned.

Erwin seemed to choose his words with care. “Nile has been…generous…with sharing credit for today’s success. A bit too generous. He’s letting it be known that the Survey Corps are responsible for disarming the bomb and killing Sofia.”

“That’s the truth,” Levi said.

“Yes, but all of Leviathan is now looking at us. They see us as the cause of their great defeat, especially those at the top of the ladder. You, Levi.”

Levi hesitated. “And you?”

“We can’t be too careful. I don’t want to inflame the situation. Please. Stay here with Petra and rest.” Erwin’s eyes were much colder than his words would suggest. It wasn’t a suggestion; it was a veiled order. Had Levi fucked up? No, no he hadn’t. He just didn’t want to start fucking up now.

Petra took his hand. “I’m very tired,” she whispered. “Please. Stay with me while I sleep?”

Like he could refuse her. “Sure, kid.”

Erwin stood, looking more relaxed. “We should be ready to move out in another couple of hours. Just relax until then. You’ve done more than your share.” Erwin nodded to Petra. “You’ve proven yourself an exemplary soldier, Petra.”

“Thank you, Commander.” She lowered her head shyly. Erwin walked out, closing the door behind him. With a sigh, Levi went over and locked the door, then drew the curtains shut. The small room was tucked into a dim twilight. The murmur of voices outside couldn’t be shut out completely, but he was so tired he didn’t care. The tiredness was a constant buzzing throughout his body. Petra slid off her shoes and then lay down on her side. She gestured him over.

“Come here,” she said. He came to her, took off his boots and lay down beside her. Levi held her close. They were just about the same height, so lying there made it easy to look into her eyes. Under any other circumstances he’d be horny, but the exhaustion had finally made itself known. So instead he kissed her nose, and she smiled. “I love you,” she whispered, and kissed his lips.

“Love you,” he murmured in reply, and pressed her tighter against him, a hand against her back. Petra made a soft noise of pain. He instantly released her. “Shit, you okay?”

“Oh yes. My back’s still a little sore from…from the needles.”

For a moment, she was very calm. Then she began to cry, shoulders shaking. She squeezed her eyes shut, and a vein stood out in her neck and forehead. Her weeping grew to sobbing, and he held her gently. Her tears wet his shirt, but he didn’t care. He stroked her back, her arms, her hair.

“It’ll get better. You’ll get past it,” he said over and over. Eventually she quieted in his arms and sniffled. She touched her forehead to his, and tried to get her breath under control.

“I don’t even know why I cried like that,” she whispered.

“You’re traumatized,” Levi said gently. “This isn’t just going to disappear when we get home. But you can get past it.”

“I know I will.” She nuzzled him. “You did.”

Ah, but he didn’t want her to be just like him. One of him was more than enough.

“I’ll protect you from now on,” he said with a kiss. “You’re safe with me. You believe it?”

“Yes, Levi.”

She sounded so sure, like a child confident that the monsters in its bedroom have been banished. He held her, warmed her and let her warm him.

“Good. Now sleep, Ral. Sleep and we’ll go home.”

She all but purred in contentment. She hummed as he rubbed her back, embraced him tightly in return.

“Home,” she said dreamily. Then, “One day, will you come home with me and meet my family?”

“Sure,” he said, even though the idea made him want to dive off a cliff. But for her, anything. “They’ll all love me. I’m a real charmer.”

She giggled. “When we get home to Trost, I’ll make tea and bring it to your room.”

“Our room,” he corrected, closing his eyes at the thought. A room just for them. Her romantic books on the shelf, his teacups on the table. She’d decorate with flowers, maybe. They’d wash the windows together. “You know, Mike’s a pretty good carpenter. His father was a woodsman.”

“Why does that not surprise me?” She grinned.

“Just saying he’d probably make a bigger bed.” All Survey Corps members slept in their single narrow cots—not much shacking up occurred between them. But Erwin owed them both a lot. Levi imagined he’d do this for them. “A real proper bed for us.”

“Our own room.” Petra gave a contented little sigh and kissed his cheek. “I like it.”

They’d drink their tea together. He’d listen to her talk about her day. They’d sleep together, make love together, have the little morning routines that Levi imagined all couples developed when they were so close. He craved that little room with its flowers and its two person bed more than he had ever craved anything. He lay with Petra in his arms, and realized that he had her. He just needed to sleep a little, dream a little, and when he woke up the dream would continue. He kissed the top of her head.

“Sleep, baby. You earned it.”

When Petra began to breathe deeply, to dream fully, Levi relaxed. The warmth of her soothed him, and carried him away into his own dreams. His would never be as pretty as hers. His involved shadowed alleys that were tilted at askew angles. He saw Kenny, still standing over him and looking disappointed. He saw Sofia’s wet black eyes, and then saw her again as a small child sucking her thumb. And whenever he tried to approach her, the child turned into a snarling rat and scuttled away.

When Levi awoke he wasn’t exactly rested, but he felt a lot more ordered. And with Petra laid out next to him, her fair lashes cuddled against her cheeks, he saw a way he could start to feel better.

Soon after he woke, there was a knock at the door. Time to move. Levi roused her gently, kissed her awake. As Petra stretched, he opened the curtains and looked out onto the dusk. Shit. If they didn’t hurry, it’d be pointless to even try getting to the Boar’s Field Inn. He’d do whatever Erwin asked, but he wanted out of this city. The capital wasn’t his home anymore, if it had ever been. His real home was miles south. It was out that door, with Erwin and Hange. It was here on the couch, blinking sleep from its eyes.

“Time to go,” Levi said. “You okay to ride?”

“Yes.”

“Well, good. You better be. I want to get out of this dump.”

Petra only giggled, and held out her hands.

“Help me up?” she said, fluttering her lashes. She was playful again. Cheered by the sight, Levi hoisted her to her feet. There was still the wan tiredness in her face, the darkness beneath her eyes. But it would pass.

“Being around all these people is starting to make me miss titans,” he grumbled.

“Isn’t it strange? Humanity’s Strongest doesn’t like humanity all that much,” she teased, but she had a point.

“I’m going to get rid of the titans. After that, people can go back to killing and hating one another. But not before.”

Petra remained standing with her arms around him. Levi cleared his throat. Much as he would’ve loved to just relax with her, they had to go. Time to head home. Erwin would wonder what was keeping them.

“I know this’ll sound stupid,” she said softly, “but I’m scared to go out there.”

Her gaze appeared unfocused. She clung to him as if he was the only thing keeping her from pitching over a cliff.

“It’s not stupid. Outside the door, there’s a bunch of people you helped to lock up. They’re not going to be thrilled to see you, or me.” He was not one for overt sympathy or any of that shit, but he kissed her forehead gently. “I got your back. Walk straight out, and I’ll be behind you the whole time.”

“Promise?” She sounded shaky.

“On my life.”

Petra smiled. “Then let’s go.”

Really, Levi didn’t blame her for feeling jumpy. As they walked the hall, heading for the front door and its sweet, merciful release, he appraised the faces of everyone they passed. There were a lot of MPs, many of whom looked kind of glum or downright pissed. Whether because Levi had taken their victory from them or because he’d made them look like a bunch of idiots he wasn’t sure. Levi had to hide a smirk when he thought about how Nile was probably getting his ass reamed for allowing a full blown conspiracy to grow and spread right underneath his feet.

But he wanted out of here. He kept watch on the back of Petra’s head. Her hair was still a little rumpled up from sleep. Levi wanted to touch her on the shoulder as reassurance, but with this many eyes around he decided to play it safe. Not that they’d get fired or hanged or anything if the MPs found out they were together, for fuck sake, but right now he didn’t want to draw any more attention to Petra than he already had.

“Crowded, isn’t it?” Erwin asked. He’d started walking straight behind Levi. They rounded the corner, saw the front door at the end of a long hallway.

“You sure got the right word to describe everything, Erwin,” Levi drawled. He heard the Commander chuckle. Yeah, it was a little crowded in here. Leviathan was comprised of a couple hundred people, give or take. Restraining, booking, and imprisoning that many perps necessarily created some overflow. Thugs and pricks were sitting up against the wall with their hands tied behind their backs. Some spat at Levi as he passed. He gave them a cold glare, and they calmed down a bit. “Almost there,” Levi said. Petra’s shoulders relaxed.

“The horses are just outside,” Erwin said. “Nile has made it quite clear he’d rather we leave as soon as possible.”

“For once, Nile and I agree on something.” Speak of the shitty man and he shall appear. As they passed the front desk, they found Nile glowering at them. He was standing alongside the little guy with the glasses Levi met when he first came to the MP headquarters a week ago. Shit, had it only been a week? Felt like a month. A year.

Levi gave a curt nod, which only made Nile turn a shade of purple that couldn’t be good for the man. Petra giggled.

The little guy with the glasses raised his hand in goodbye as they passed.

And then something prickled on the back of Levi’s neck. It was that sense, that yellow lightning. It took over.

One week ago, Levi gave the note he’d written for Erwin to the glasses kid. Kenny’s girl had gotten hold of that note. Maybe she stole it; maybe someone gave it to her.

One week ago, Levi idly wondered how this kid ever made it to the top of his training class, nervous and underfed as he looked.

_Some of them have even been spies for a while._

It was like cold rain running over his body. All of Levi’s senses sharpened. His instincts howled.

“Petra,” he said. “Get down.”

“What?”

Levi turned, stopping so fast that Erwin nearly ran into him.

“Levi?” Erwin said.

Around the Commander, Levi saw the glasses kid step out from behind the desk. Pull something from his coat pocket. He knew there was a gun before he even saw it.

Before Levi could think to speak, the guy would pull the trigger.

The yellow lightning spiked through his body, and it was as if the world around them—the halls and the people—faded into black, or nothingness. It was as if Erwin had some golden sheen around his body for that brief half a second.

All of Levi’s energy attached itself to the man in front of him. His muscles practically hummed. One word emblazoned itself across his vision: _Protect._

“Erwin!” Levi yelled, tackling the man to the floor. The shot rang out. Levi was sprawled atop the Commander. Erwin hadn’t even processed yet what had happened. He stared at Levi with wide, shocked eyes.

But there was no time to lie here trying to catch his breath. Levi had a fucking job to do.

He sprinted, practically flinging himself off of Erwin and tearing in a straight line for the thug. The guy with glasses swore as he leveled the gun to fire again. Nobody else around Levi was even moving yet; that’s how fast he was going, and thinking. Levi grabbed the wrist and wrenched it up. The guy squeezed the trigger; the shot fired into the ceiling.

The yellow lightning reached out, using Levi’s hands to grip the creep by the neck. One fast wrench, and he was dead. The body crumpled at Levi’s feet. For his part, Levi was not even breathing heavily. He felt utterly cool. The corridor full of MPs were looking at him like they were sick.

“Oh my god,” one of them, a woman, said dully. Levi felt the adrenaline leaving his bloodstream. He would not begin to shiver—he was well past shaking at this point—but pretty soon he’d need to walk the energy off, or he’d go a little crazy.

“Levi,” Erwin said. The sick, small way he said his name made Levi turn.

As he turned, he wondered if the yellow lightning had known what would happen. Had the yellow lightning considered this an acceptable price to pay? Had he, Levi, known how this would all end before he even made the first move? Maybe he hadn’t believed it. Or maybe he’d been so focused on Erwin that—

Petra lay on the ground, a spot of red blooming in her stomach. She was looking at it as if trying to understand how it had gotten there. Erwin pressed his large hand over the wound, and cradled Petra’s shoulders with his other arm.

“Get the doctor! Now!” Erwin yelled. Nile, looking at the girl on the ground as if he were dreaming, snapped out of his stupor and started issuing orders.

Petra began to cough. Blood leaked out the corner of her mouth.

Levi could not feel anything. No emotions, no temperature, nothing. He might as well not have existed at all as he crouched beside her, took off his cravat, took Erwin’s place, pressed the bundled cloth hard over her wound to stem the bleeding. Erwin got up and continued barking commands, but Levi couldn’t hear them. They sounded muffled.

Petra gazed up at him with those wide, deer-like eyes of hers. She seemed to silently ask him a question. How? He had said he’d protect her. He had promised.

Only a few hours ago she’d fallen over him when he’d been stabbed, kissed his face and sobbed and begged him to be all right. He wanted to do those things for her, but he could not even feel his face. How could he change this blank, empty look if he couldn’t feel?

“No,” he said firmly. Petra gaped at him as a trickle of blood ran out of her nose. “Don’t.” He pressed harder on the wound. “Don’t.”

He spoke the words like an order on the battlefield. Petra could only stare at him, the blood from her mouth and nose wetting her hair. She kept staring at him, pleading with those silent eyes as the medics came, as they hoisted her onto a stretcher and hustled her back down the corridor towards the medical bay.

Only a few more steps, and they would have been out of here.

Levi looked down at his hands covered in her blood, at his cravat now stained scarlet.

“Levi.” Erwin spoke urgently. Levi got the feeling this wasn’t the first time the Commander had called his name. Levi looked at Erwin, stared like he’d never seen him before. “They’re operating right away. Find Hange, bring her in. Go.”

An order. Finally, Levi had something to do. Something to obey. So he obeyed like a good soldier, went outside and found Hange, brought her over to the medical bay. Even when Oruo, Eld, and Gunther cried out in horror at the news, Levi stayed calm. He escorted Hange to the operating room and watched her go in. He stood outside those doors and waited patiently, hands limp at his side.

And through all the calm obedience, deep down inside of himself Levi began to scream. He screamed for a long time.

Because he thought about himself at fifteen, so hungry that he didn’t hear the old woman sneak up behind him with the knife.

It wasn’t really the bullet that had put Petra in that operating room. It was his hunger.


	29. Chapter 29

Erwin Smith stepped outside the barracks to allow himself to simply breathe. He did not know what time it was exactly. Hours might have passed, days, or minutes; it was all one to him. The night was dark around him, with no sign of dawn yet. The Survey Corps had mostly retired to the inn. Nearly all of them had wanted to remain and wait—Ral was popular—but they finally understood that they would do nothing but get in the way and inflame tensions. A few had remained. The others on Squad Levi, and Nifa. Hange was still in the operating room, and Nanaba and Mike were standing alongside one another against the wall, both looking grimly stoic.

The same could not be said for poor Oruo. Erwin had passed him in the hall. The young man was sitting upon a chair with his back bent, sobbing into his hands. The full-throated crying echoed off the walls, one of the reasons Erwin had to get out of there. Nifa had comforted Oruo, and Gunther and Eld simply watched their comrade. There was nothing they could do, and they knew it.

As Erwin looked out onto the dark streets, the crowds and decorations long since gone, he went over again what the surgeon had told him.

_The good news is the bullet didn’t hit her in the center of the stomach. It missed her spine, so she’s not paralyzed. It went through the left side and came out clean, which is good. The problem is it perforated her larger intestine. She’s etherized now, but I’m not sure there’s enough ether in the world to keep her under while it’s all cleaned out and stitched up. Even if I manage to repair the intestine, the risk of peritonitis is extreme. She could die of the infection. In addition, she’s in need of a blood transfusion, and as you know those can be high risk in and of themselves._

Erwin had immediately directed the surgeon to Hange. Now more than ever Erwin thanked the gods he didn’t believe in for the woman. She’d found some old, moldy text on archaic medical practices. One of them had said something about ‘blood typing.’ Put the wrong type of blood into a person, and it could kill them. Hange had tested everyone in the Corps’s blood and made a chart of the results. She’d urged everyone to remember their type. Erwin knew Levi’s was A.

Hange confirmed that Petra’s was A as well. She’d committed the whole thing to memory.

Levi up until that point had been standing outside of the doors. He’d remained there for over an hour, staring straight ahead with almost murderous intent. Upon finding out he needed to give blood, he went straight into motion and followed Hange to begin the process. It gave Erwin some relief to see the man active. Levi hovering around like a furious ghost had pleased no one.

They’d taken blood from a few other Corps members. That had been a few hours ago. At this point, the bleed was no longer the problem. But cleaning out Petra’s stomach without collapsing her lung in the process was—

Erwin shut his eyes. He didn’t want to dwell on this.

Once the surgeon had told him that the job might be too much for him, Erwin had insisted upon calling for the king’s own personal surgeon. There’d been hemming and hawing—after all, this was one small girl. An insignificant Survey Corps officer. Maybe if she’d been Military Police and important, but… Well, the king might need medical assistance at any time. It would be terrible if his personal surgeon were missing at a crucial moment.

Erwin had calmly listened to all of this. Levi had not. In fact, Levi had picked the surgeon up by the front of his clothes and shaken him.

“Levi.” Erwin had finally made his captain stop. Levi had retreated to glower, issuing barked threats that made the surgeon pale considerably.

“This young woman saved hundreds of lives today. Surely the king will want to reward such a hero.”

More hemming and hawing. With no time to waste, Erwin had written a letter. Not to the king, but to Lord Siegfried Morgenstern. He’d had it delivered very quickly.

Forty minutes later, the king’s surgeon arrived and was shown to the operating room.

That had been three hours ago, if Erwin recalled correctly.

He tried to tell himself that this was promising. The longer it took, the more thorough they were being, which meant Petra was still alive and fighting. Erwin did not want to lose a soldier like this. No, he wanted his men and women to fling themselves into titans’ jaws, to die in terrible agony while advancing the human race to glory. That would be a meaningful death, not this. He would have Petra Ral die in a manner befitting her bravery.

And Levi. Erwin could not look at his captain. It hurt too much.

To the untrained eye, Captain Levi appeared as stoic and quiet as ever. His eyes remained hooded, his expression neutral. He stood outside the operating theatre like a quiet shadow, watchful and waiting. No one who was passing would imagine that he was in turmoil. But Erwin knew Levi’s moods and the slightest changes in his expression. Levi’s jaw was tight, his eyes staring dead ahead. It was the way he looked when he had to tell a man or woman directly that their child had been killed in action. Right now, deep inside of himself, the captain was screaming.

_I can’t let this happen to him._

Erwin had selfishly wanted this nascent relationship between his captain and officer to end, but not like this. And the way Levi would not move from those doors, not even to eat or drink…

The way Erwin had seen Levi looking at the girl, as though she were something precious…

Erwin had known that once. He had also been in love.

But it was more than that, wasn’t it? Levi was a contradiction in some ways. He was stoic, cold on the surface. To the casual eye, the man was emotionless. But Erwin knew that Levi had none of his own love of logic and strategy. Not that the man was stupid—quite the opposite—but theories and abstract ideas held no place in his life. The man was all about people. He fought for the people. He carried his comrades’ deaths upon his back when no one had asked him to do so. He was rough and brusque with his subordinates, but they worshipped him because they knew he cared about every one of them.

Levi was all feeling, though he would never show it. What he felt, he felt fully.

And he was in love. He could not live like Erwin, compartmentalizing what he felt for Petra, tucking it away. If she died, he would undoubtedly place her into a long line of ghosts and carry on. Levi would never crumble, never indulge himself in grief. He would likely not speak of the girl again.

But she would linger in his periphery always. Erwin knew that.

And his captain had been through so much already.

The logical thing, the clean thing would be for Erwin to disapprove of this relationship. It would get in the way of their work. He could have told Levi no a week ago, and the captain would have obeyed. But how could he deny a man who’d suffered so much the one thing he wanted?

_Maybe she’ll die and we won’t have to deal with all these possibilities._

Erwin disliked himself. But that unbidden thought shuddered through him, and he felt such hate. Had he really abandoned that much of his own humanity? He did not want Petra to die, for her sake as well as Levi’s. She was a good soldier, a good person. She had impressed him, and he had misjudged her in the past. She was a true asset to this military and this world. In his heart, he saluted her with absolute sincerity. But he would sacrifice her. If the strategy required it, in order to move forward with his goal and with humanity’s future he would sacrifice that girl or anyone else.

He was tired. That’s what this was. He was tired, and angry, and fearful, and even jealous.

The door opened behind him.

“Erwin.” Mike came up beside him. The taller man crossed his arms, his breath steamed in the air. “The surgeon’s coming out with Hange.”

“Ah.” He did not want to move, coward that he was. “Any idea what—”

“Not yet. Soon.” Mike sniffed. “Nanaba’s waiting with Levi. Just in case.”

In case someone needed to restrain the man, or worse, comfort him. If Erwin ever saw the captain’s façade finally crack, it would be like losing his father all over again. Erwin depended on Levi’s strength. He would be lost without it.

“I’ll go in. Coming?”

Mike sniffed again. “Too many clashing smells in there. I need to clear my head.”

Mike was almost as stoic as Levi, but unlike the shorter man he was one of the most genial leaders they had. Six foot four inches of steely muscle, and also the gentlest fellow. He could lose a comrade to a titan, but not like this.

“Come in when you’re ready.”

Erwin walked down the echoing hallway. The journey seemed impossibly long. Levi stood there with his hands in his pockets. Nanaba waited patiently beside him, her face as serene as ever. Erwin had known her longer than almost anyone else on the squad. He’d been surprised when the slender, lovely blonde woman kept surviving titan attacks that felled some of the hardest men in the Corps. Nanaba was all steel, like Mike, but she was also kind.

Levi would need that if…

The doors opened. Hange and the king’s surgeon emerged. Erwin instantly looked at Hange’s face, praying he did not find downcast eyes or tears. Instead, she was almost neutral, though her mouth was pressed in a hard line. He didn’t know if that was better or worse.

Levi stepped forward, eyes boring into the surgeon.

“Well?” he rasped.

“She’s survived the operation. We managed to repair the damage and clean her as best we could. For now, she’s stable and resting.”

Levi’s shoulders sank by an almost imperceptible degree. Erwin noticed.

“But we’re not out of danger yet. Perforations of the stomach or intestines can result in peritonitis. We’ve given her an antibacterial draught, but that might not be enough. We’ll know if we managed to save her by this time tomorrow.”

“Hange.” Levi sounded strangled. “What’s the chance she’ll get sick?”

“I haven’t read much on gunshot wounds.” She perked up a bit at the opportunity to share her knowledge. “Usually if the intestine is damaged, it’s an eighty to eighty-five percent chance of infec—”

Nanaba coughed pointedly. Hange stammered, and blushed.

“Will you keep administering the draughts?” Erwin asked the doctor, trying his best to remain calm. He must present an unruffled front. His subordinates needed to see it. Levi needed to see it.

“We can, but if it’s a serious infection the chance she’ll survive is still minimal.” The surgeon sniffed; he seemed a bit exasperated by all of them. Probably he felt it beneath his dignity to operate on some simple girl with no family or name, some madwoman from the Survey Corps. Erwin had known many people like this man during his old life here in Mitras. He was glad to not be one of them any longer. “If she hasn’t shown symptoms in twenty-four hours, she’ll be out of danger.”

“What do we do in the meantime?” Levi asked.

“Wait.”

With that, the man walked away without so much as a goodbye. Nanaba shot him a withering look as he departed.

Levi walked to the door. “I want to see her.”

But Hange stepped in his way. Brave woman, but then again Hange was one of the few people who could tweak Levi’s nose and get away with it.

“Levi, she’s too weak. Any outside germs could give her an infection. You need to wait until tomorrow night.”

“I want to see her when she’s alive,” he growled. Erwin winced as he heard the note in his captain’s voice, the certainty that he would lose this woman. After all, that had been the entire story of his life. The great Captain Levi, strongest man in the walls, cursed to lose all those close to him. Erwin hoped for his own sake that he managed to buck that particular trend. Levi now shoved Hange aside. “I want to see her.”

“Levi,” Erwin said. The captain stopped short, and glared over his shoulder. Erwin nearly shuddered. He’d once seen Levi looking at him with pure hatred, the day the man’s two friends had died on the battlefield. Levi had screamed that he would kill Erwin. “Levi,” Erwin said again. Levi shook his head as if waking from a dream.

“Fine,” he muttered.

“At least give her some time to rest.” Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. His vision was beginning to blur. “Right now, I believe we all need some rest. Dawn’s a couple of hours away.”

Nanaba stretched and yawned in agreement. Even Hange appeared disoriented. At least, more so than usual. The women began walking towards the front door, but Levi remained standing outside the operating room.

“You can’t do anything,” Erwin said.

“You know me, Erwin. I can’t sleep anyway.”

Well, that was true. With a sigh, Erwin walked away, casting one last glance at his captain as he went. Levi remained standing there, an inky shadow against the torchlit wall. Erwin shook his head. This was Levi at his most canine, alert and ready for the signal to move. Until then, he’d stand outside the door and wait.

 

A few hours later, Erwin awoke and sat up in bed. He’d at least remembered to take his boots off, but otherwise he was still fully clothed. He remembered stumbling into the room, and then nothing else. With a grunt, he went to the window and looked out. The streets of Mitras were melting. The cold snap was over, it seemed. Erwin wanted to interpret that as a good omen, but he had learned that good things almost never came. Best to just take them when they arrived, and not look for them.

He changed his clothes, washed up, and went downstairs. Some Survey Corps were milling around in the lobby, particularly the younger ones. Erwin saw Oruo again, this time with Levi’s other two squad members in a tight huddle. Erwin observed that the darker one, Gunther, appeared distant. The blond, Eld, had his arms crossed and was jutting out his chin. He was angry.

“Has Captain Levi been in?” Erwin asked. The men straightened up when he approached.

“Sir. We haven’t seen him,” Oruo said. He sniffed loudly. The crying, it seemed, was only taking an intermission.

Probably Levi was still at the barracks.

“Is Petra all right, Commander?” Gunther asked.

“She’s stable for now. The next day is crucial, so I’m told. But she survived the operation.”

“Can we see her?” Eld asked.

“Not yet. But perhaps in a few hours you could go and inquire.” With that, Erwin left and started walking through the glistening streets. The air was still cool, but after the frigid chill of the last few days it felt positively balmy. His feet carried him in the opposite direction of the barracks. He couldn’t face it, not yet. Not without some air first. He didn’t want to face Nile very much, either. There’d be mountains of paperwork to be done, endless cross examinations. All Erwin wanted was to get out of this hell, and now he and Levi at least would be here for another week. They’d have to answer to many different people.

But not today. Today was for waiting. Hoping. Fearing.

Why did he feel this distraught over the whole thing? Of course he feared for his subordinate. He wanted Levi to be happy. Yet he’d also found he liked Petra Ral during their brief conversation. The bright, almost exhausting chipperness she’d displayed when entering the Corps a few years ago had softened. Mellowed. She was brave, and she was intelligent. She was steady, which Levi needed. Erwin needed Levi happy. But he also needed as many brave, intelligent people as he could get. Petra Ral’s loss would sit heavy on Erwin.

_Not yet. We don’t know it’s a loss yet._

Erwin stopped and looked at the destination he’d wandered to unwittingly. It was a domed building with great colored glass windows that displayed tremendous moments of the Fritz leaders’ history. The front doors were heavy oak, likely weighing a ton each.

The Fritz Chapel. One of the oldest and holiest buildings in the walls. If Erwin had been a religious man, he would’ve prayed here. Inside displayed three white marble statues of the goddesses behind the altar, with a fine, ornate mosaic in the center of the space. Unlike churches, which had pews, chapels were places to stand in a circle, link arms with one another. It was an ideal preaching space.

It was also likely peaceful at the moment, since Erwin didn’t hear a sound coming from it. He tried the door and found it unlocked. With a sigh, he walked in.

Red and yellow and blue light shimmered on the stone floor in vibrating squares. Erwin heard his footsteps loud in the quiet. The three goddesses remained frozen in pale perfection. The domed ceiling was studded with jewels.

The wealth of kings had made this. The faith of the peasants had given it power.

Erwin stared at the brilliant mosaic in the center of the floor, a green and white depiction of the goddess Sina. This was, after all, her wall. It was the wall that housed the king. Erwin had sometimes wondered why Sina should be the most special. What had she done that was so exemplary? All he knew was that she protected them, like her sisters did as well.

Eh. Perhaps they’d merely flipped a coin to choose who would be the central wall.

Erwin closed his eyes and listened to the quiet. There was almost the sensation that if he asked here, in this beautiful place, in this silent place, that the goddess he didn’t believe in would give him what he wanted. That she might suddenly notice his plight and save his subordinate.

Nonsense, of course, but it would have been nice. If the gods were there, and if they listened, then they were not kind. Erwin had no patience for that.

He turned, and nearly shouted. The dark figure standing beside one of the windows almost gave him a heart attack.

“Levi? Why are you here?”

A chapel was the very last place Erwin would ever think to find this man. Levi hung in the shadowed space between two sunlit windows. He leaned his back against the wall, had his hands buried in his coat pockets. His chin was to his chest, his inky hair shading his eyes. Most men in Levi’s situation would stand in the center of the chapel, or be on his knees. Most men would clasp their hands and beg and plead for their lover’s life. But Levi did not beg of anyone. He hung around and glared accusingly, as if daring the three goddesses to take Petra from him. He was always silent, and always mute. At least in that he hadn’t changed.

“Erwin. Just looking around.” The captain’s voice was dull and dry. “Petra said we should take in the sights. She thinks I’m not cultured or anything. Tch. Brat. I like plenty of fancy shit.”

Erwin did not try to argue with this.

“I thought you’d be back at the barrack hospital.”

“They told me I can’t see her until later on. Chance of infection. I needed some air.” Levi lifted his face. His eyes were always a little bit dead, the bags under them pronounced by a lack of sleep. But Erwin had never before seen such darkness in this man. It wasn’t physical exhaustion. It was mental. Levi needed rest, but Erwin would never convince the captain to just go to sleep. So long as any of his subordinates were in danger, Levi could not rest.

“There’s a tavern down the street. I’ll buy you a cup of tea,” Erwin said.

That caused the faintest stirrings in Levi. Good. At least he was still himself, at least somewhat.

“Good. Don’t be stingy, you bastard.”

They left the chapel and went to the tavern. Ten minutes later, Erwin and Levi were sharing a pot of tea. Erwin looked out onto the wintry streets while Levi picked up his cup in that frankly bizarre manner of his. That was one thing about Levi Erwin had always admired: his willingness to appear strange. The captain was true to himself in all things. Perhaps a life of chaos in the underground had stripped social anxiety away from Levi. For a deeply neurotic man, Levi gave almost no thought whatsoever to what others said of him. A contradiction.

It occurred to Erwin that Petra had seen all of these neuroses, these bad habits, and fallen deeply in love anyway. That was a blow. He’d at first attributed her “love” to a girlish hero worship, but the officer had served under the captain multiple times these last few years. She’d absolutely seen him at his worst, crass and vulgar and harsh. She had loved Levi _for_ Levi. Most women who showed any interest in the captain either walked away when they gauged his true personality or wanted him for bragging rights, a night with Humanity’s Strongest. It struck Erwin how truly alone that would make a man feel. Even today, as the eccentric commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin still had dowagers from Mitras sending him letters about a certain daughter or niece, a lady who’d make an ideal wife and raise his social standing once again. Levi had been given the choice of being alone or engaging in loveless sex. And while Erwin didn’t think the latter was necessarily bad, he knew Levi. That would hold no appeal for his captain.

Petra Ral had fallen in love with this man. She’d given him his chance for something warm and permanent.

Erwin wished now that he’d fallen to his knees in that damned chapel, prayed and begged the goddesses to restore the girl to life.

And he hated that he had once held the secret hope that Levi would ruin the nascent relationship. That Erwin would have his captain all to himself again.

When the gun was drawn, Levi had thrown Erwin to the ground, not Petra. It had been instinct. Levi would always be at Erwin’s side. And Erwin would be at his.

But Levi could have more. Should have more.

_Forgive me,_ Erwin wanted to say.

“How’s your tea?” he asked instead.

“Good.” Sip. Pause. “Erwin, I’m sorry. I failed.”

“Excuse me?”

“I lost the gold. It’s trapped in a sewer below. No one can get to it, at least.” He met Erwin’s gaze. Fearless, honest, blunt as ever. “I fucked the Corps. Again.”

“You did no such thing. Levi.” Erwin tried to find the right words, but his head was spinning in shock. “You saved an entire city. The Military Police owe you everything.”

“They owe Hange everything. I failed that, too.” His eyes turned dead, a way to shut off feeling. “I could’ve killed Sofia earlier, but I wanted to be fucking merciful. Petra was watching.” He was silent then, as if meditating on what to say next. “I wanted her to see me be better. And if Hange hadn’t cut the fuse, the bitch would’ve blown us all up. Everyone in the barracks. Petra.”

“And it’s thanks to you that the cannon float didn’t explode. It’s thanks to you anyone knew about Leviathan’s plan in the first place.”

“I had opportunities underground to stop them. Really stop them. But I wanted her to see me be better.” Levi set his cup down. “It’s not her fault. It’s mine. I’ve been different.”

“You were trying to adapt to a new relationship.”

“And it made me weak. I’m a shit.” Levi drank his tea again, as if that were the end of the conversation.

“You aren’t a god, Captain.” Erwin was brusque because his frustration kept mounting. “You did everything that was within your power. You trusted in yourself. You trusted in your comrades. And because you did, hundreds of lives have been spared. Mitras is not in chaos.”

“And she might die,” Levi muttered.

When the gun was drawn, Levi knocked Erwin down. Not Petra. An awful weight settled upon Erwin’s shoulders.

“You did your best in the time you had. I was standing in the direct line of fire. Of course you—”

“If she’d been in the line of fire,” Levi said quietly, “I would’ve shoved you back before I got to her. You’re humanity’s future. When people join the Survey Corps, they know some lives matter more than others. Only an idiot thinks otherwise.”

Erwin felt shaken. Cold. His strange, muted joy at Levi’s devotion warred with horror. And horror was winning.

“Levi…”

“Sacrifices have to be made. You know it, Erwin. You were smarter than I was.”

“I don’t—”

“After Marie, you said you’d never get married or have kids. It’s a distraction. Love. All that shit. Petra’s dying because I loved her. It doesn’t work.”

“That isn’t true.” Why was he saying this? It didn’t serve his interests. “You haven’t done this to her, Levi. You aren’t responsible for everything.”

Levi shrugged. That careless action was chilling. Erwin had always known Levi was…abnormal. Sometimes, he feared that the damage was more pervasive than even he knew. Erwin loved this strange little man more than anyone else. Not the love of sexual passion, but it was no less powerful. Erwin knew he was monstrous, and that he would gladly sacrifice many innocents in the name of greater glory. Levi shared that drive, and that vision, and that willingness to sacrifice everything in the name of something more than he was. Erwin had felt comfortable in that union.

But Levi’s tendency towards sacrifice was…

He looked so _calm_.

“The thing we need to focus on right now is Petra’s survival,” Erwin said.

“Yeah.”

“She will need you when she recovers.”

“Tch. She doesn’t need me.”

“It’s not your fault she was shot.”

“I sure as shit didn’t help.” Levi pushed back from the table. “I did the best I could. Chose the path I thought I’d regret least.” Again, that maddening shrug. “Maybe this _is_ what I’ll regret least. That doesn’t say much for Petra.”

“Levi. When I talked about the path of least regrets, I did not mean…” Erwin couldn’t quite put the words together. “You did not cause this. You shouldn’t be glad Petra is in this condition.”

“I’m not glad.” Levi looked out the window, his expression placid as ever, his hooded eyes dead. “But I’d regret it more if it were you in there.”

He said it with such finality. The captain shook his head lightly.

“I’m a shit. Such a shit. And she’s a fucking idiot. Oruo’d have thrown himself in front of her. He’d feel the right way. I saw him sobbing his guts out. She couldn’t love him, though. No, she likes them fucked up and ugly. She’s fucked, like me. We’re both freaks.”

“Stop this,” Erwin said quietly. For the first time that day, a spark of fury lit the captain’s gaze. It took Erwin straight back to the day Furlan and Isabel had been killed. Levi had crossed swords with him, snarled. ‘I’m going to _kill you_ ,’ the smaller man had cried. And Erwin had ordered the broken man to follow him into hell. And Levi had gone along so his friends’ deaths could have meaning. “You can’t think this.”

Erwin had loaded heaps more corpses onto Levi’s shoulders in the intervening years. Increased that burden. And Levi had thanked him for it. Levi would gladly sacrifice his own lover for it.

“Erwin, I’ll follow any order you give. But don’t tell me what to fucking think today.” Levi stood and slung on his coat. “Thanks for the tea. I want to get back to the barracks.”

Erwin stood as well. At nearly a foot taller, he looked down upon Levi. Good. The power balanced out once again.

“You’re a hero, Captain. Whether you want to be or not.”

“Yeah. I am. It’s a real fucking awful thing to be.”

Levi walked out the door, leaving a half-finished cup of tea behind. Erwin sat down slowly and closed his eyes.

He had not tasted regret in years. It was bitter.

***

Levi found Eld outside the steps to the barracks. The second in command’s cheeks were red, and he blew onto his hands to warm them. Perhaps the hair-bunned guy had been waiting for Levi. Hopefully he hadn’t been waiting long. From the look Levi got—icier than the winter wind—Eld probably wanted a word. All right.

Levi stopped next to the man. They stood side by side on the step.

“How is she?” Levi asked.

“Still stable, last I checked. I wanted to get some air.”

“Good idea.”

Silence. Eld did not move, or speak again.

“Eld. We’re off duty now. It’s been a long couple of days. Everyone’s pretty tired.” He sniffed. “If you want to say anything to me without consequence, this’d be the time.”

A moment passed.

“All right. _Captain._ ” Levi could hear the guy winding himself up. “I can’t believe you had a physical relationship with your subordinate. With our squad mate. Petra’s young and naïve, and you took advantage of it.” He sounded heated now. “Even if she recovers, we’re never going to be a team again. She couldn’t have said no to you, and you fucking used that. I never thought you were just like the rest of them, chasing young skirt, but I guess you are. But even then, I always assumed you’d have enough sense never to use _her_. We have a perfect track record as a squad partly because we work so well together, and now we’re going to have to fight with someone new. It might not be as good. I just don’t understand why you did this. You broke us up for nothing.”

He said the last words through his teeth, his breath steaming in the air. Levi listened, and took it all on. He could have argued that Petra had chased him, not the other way around. He could have explained that it was love between the two of them, not just lust. He’d broken them up for something real and good.

But Levi should have said no to her. His position had required it. He’d failed. Love didn’t change that.

“That’s good. Thanks, Eld.” Levi walked up the steps, not looking back. He didn’t give a shit if Eld watched him go or not.

The barracks were warm, and Levi walked back down the long stretch of hall towards the medical ward. As he walked, Hange appeared and hurried towards him. The tight, neutral look on her face told him everything, but he still had to ask.

“How is she?”

“Levi.” Hange sighed. “She’s running a high fever. The doctor’s giving her antibacterial treatment, but it looks like a bad infection.”

He felt suspended in a dark chamber of water. No light. No breath. No sound. Only a strange, inevitable peace. It didn’t hurt to drown when it was so quiet.

“Okay. What are the chances?”

“I’m not a physician,” she said.

“Bullshit. You’re a better doctor than most of these hacks.”

She looked mildly proud, but the grimness of the situation returned. “The doctor says that with treatment she stands a fifteen percent chance of recovery.”

“Tell me the truth. What do you think?”

He looked her in the eyes. Hange’s large brown eyes had always been the opposite of his narrow gray ones. They were as open and warm and excited as she was. Again, his opposite. But what he liked about the four-eyes was that she never, ever lied to him. He did not want her to start now. Hange licked her lips.

“The infection came on very quickly. The fever’s very high.” She didn’t look away. “I’d give her less than ten percent.”

Levi blinked.

“How long?”

“It…one way or the other, it should be over by morning.”

“I want to see her.”

“She’s weak—”

“I want to see her.”

Hange rubbed her forehead. “Let’s go talk to the doctor. You’ll have to scrub every inch of yourself, and wear a surgical mask.”

Hange forgot whom she was talking to. Levi would love nothing better than to scrub himself clean.

He scrubbed his skin raw with white soap and water. He wore fresh white clothes and tied the mask around his face. He waited outside the door as Nifa and Oruo came out. Oruo’s lip was quivering, and when he saw Levi he sniffled and straightened up. He tried to salute.

“C-Captain.”

“Captain.” Nifa gave him a deferential look, but her venom came through that one word.

“Oruo.” He couldn’t think of what to say. Not even ‘sorry’ could pass his lips. “You’ve done well.”

“Th-thank you, sir.” Nifa led him away, and Levi closed his eyes as the man began sobbing anew. Finally, it was his turn to go inside.

Petra had been given her own room due to the nature of her condition. It was the little room the pair of them had had yesterday, when they’d kissed and made up and planned a future. She lay in the bed, her hands lying at her sides, her eyes closed. Even in the thin light from the mostly shuttered window, he saw the sweat on her forehead. He could practically feel the heat of her skin as he took a chair beside her.

What could he say? He sat beside the only woman he’d ever loved, now slipping away from him. He should whisper words of love. He should pray over her. He should tearfully tell her just what she meant to him.

“You brat,” he croaked. “Don’t you dare leave.”

Not like this. No, her death was still in the future out there beyond the walls. He had to watch her get torn to pieces by a titan. She owed her death to the Corps. She couldn’t slip away peacefully here. For a soldier, that’d be obscene. Her death had to be violent, and painful. Not this quiet shit.

“You can’t,” he growled.

Petra stirred, her chapped lips moving soundlessly. Could she hear him?

“Listen to me. Tell this thing to fuck off. If you can’t beat this, you’re not worth shit.”

She hummed, and her eyelids stopped fluttering. Fuck, it was almost like his harsh words had soothed her.

He knew he couldn’t leave her side. When the nurse came in to give her more medicine and bathe her with cool water, he stayed. When the doctor tried to tell him visiting time was over, he told the doctor what he could do with himself. Eventually, they stopped pestering him. Erwin stopped by a few hours later to check on Petra. Erwin said that Nile had arranged for Levi to have all the time he needed. He could be here until the end.

Well. Nile was a shitty person, but the man did understand love. Levi’d give him that.

He didn’t cry. He didn’t eat. He barely spoke, except to tell Petra to shape up. He just sat there and watched her breathe as the shadows lengthened. They lit some candles when night fell, and in the murky glow he watched her. A few times he thought it was over, couldn’t see her stomach rise and fall any longer, but then she’d give a soft gasp and he’d sink back in relief. Not yet.

Levi was exhausted, but he didn’t want to sleep. He slumped forward, resting his arms on his knees. He looked at the dark floor.

“I get it,” he said to no one.

Maybe this was a curse. Levi had to believe this amount of suffering had a purpose. There were some in this shitty world who lived in castles or spacious homes, who had families and loving spouses, who had parents and grandparents still living, who’d never even seen a dead body before. Sometimes, when he was younger, he’d hated those people. He’d seen happiness as a finite resource, and they were hogging all of it. Levi’d only ever had crumbs.

There had to be a reason his mother had died, Kenny had left him, he’d lost his friends, he’d seen those he cared about literally ripped to shreds while he couldn’t help them. Erwin had spoken about the ‘heroic journey’ one night, while sipping tea. It was a literary thing, because of course it was. To become a hero, an ordinary man had to undergo extraordinary suffering again and again. He came out of it like a sword forged in fire.

But heroes were men like Erwin. Levi was just a thug. Erwin’s suffering had refined him, while Levi’s agony had left him coarse. Levi could only hack and slash and fight and kill. If he did it in service of a hero, it was worthwhile.

The problem was he’d thought for one second he could escape his destiny. He’d grasped for something soft and warm. If he wasn’t a hero, he could have a normal life. Right? He was a fool.

“Mmm.” Petra twitched on the bed. They’d told him not to touch her, but fuck it. She was so hot she nearly burned his hand when he took hers. What could he do now to her that was worse than what he’d already done?

“Please.” His voice was soft now. “Please don’t.”

He still didn’t cry. At some point the candles went out, and he fell asleep.

 

Levi jolted awake. The room was pale with morning light. His back cried out as he tried to straighten up. Fuck. He ran fingers through his greasy hair, and stopped.

For a beautiful second, he’d forgotten where he was. But now it all came crashing back.

Petra laid there, eyes closed. She was utterly pale and still. Her mouth was lightly open.

Levi groaned. His head was too heavy, and he looked back at the floor. He wanted to sink down off the chair and lie beside her. Beneath her. Where he fucking belonged.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“Levi.”

His head shot up. He stood, wobbled, nearly fell on top of her. He saw it now, the barest rise and fall of her chest. She was drenched in sweat, her ginger hair plastered to her pale forehead. The nightclothes were sticky on her.

Fuck, she was sweating. Shit, the fever had broken.

Oh. _Fuck_.

“Petra?” He knelt beside her, touched her cheek. She was warm, not hot. Her lashes fluttered. She was alive. That tough little bastard, she’d beaten it. “You’re worth a shit after all,” he said. Poetic.

“Levi.” Her mouth tugged into a smile. She reached up and held his hand tighter against her cheek. She nuzzled his palm like a kitten, kissed him. He stood again, and the instant he let her go she fell back asleep.

He didn’t feel his body as he walked out and yelled for the doctor. The doctor and attendants hurried past him as Levi bonelessly sat down on a bench. Time passed, though he couldn’t keep track of it. Erwin came. Hange came. Mike and Nanaba, Oruo and Gunther and Eld and Nifa, they all came in and out of the room, sat down with him, stood up with him, shook his hand. Oruo sobbed anew, and the guys and Nifa led him away with mild embarrassment. Hange squeezed him, and he was too shocked to push her off.

A miracle. The doctor said it was nearly a miracle.

“So she’ll recover?” Erwin asked. Levi tried to focus on the conversation.

“We’ll still be cautious, but I think yes. She’ll make a full recovery.”

Levi muttered something he couldn’t even understand. Erwin led him away by the shoulder. The hallway swam before Levi’s eyes. It rocked back and forth under his feet.

“Come with me,” Erwin said. He led Levi through the streets and back to the inn. He took Levi up the stairs, opened the door to a room. There was a bed. Levi grumbled as he shrugged out of his coat, as he nearly fell getting out of his boots.

“This’s your room,” he said, frowning.

“I’ve had enough rest.” Erwin gave him a light shove, and Levi collapsed atop the mattress. “Sleep, Levi. It’s an order.”

Levi went down into the dreamless dark. He stayed there for hours.

 

The next week was fast and also agonizingly slow. Nile and the noble council wanted as many reports as they could stomach, and their appetite was limitless. Levi sat on his ass most days, leg jiggling as he wanted to get the fuck out of there. Talk exhausted him. Not like there was much he could do with his stabbed ribs. No exercise, just endless pontificating between jowly older men. At some point, he snapped that they should just write down whatever truth they wanted and he’d sign it if it meant getting out of this shithole. At that point, Erwin took over most of the verbal discussions. Levi was allowed to sign a bunch of forms. Much better.

He couldn’t see much of Petra. She was still in recovery, and heavily sedated most of the time. On the fifth day, he got to see her while she was awake. Only for a few minutes, but he took her hand when she offered it.

“They say I’m incredible. I’ve amazed them all.” She laughed. What a good sound.

“Yeah. You are,” he said. “Amazing, and shit.”

He loved looking at her face as it gained color, her eyes as they grew brighter. She was truly beautiful. She was truly alive.

Levi had time to walk around Mitras. Walking at least was allowed as exercise, and he pushed that allowance to its limit. His lungs expanded again, and his muscles lightly burned. Good. He hadn’t had free time like this for years, and would sit in tea shops for hours, mostly nursing a cup and staring at the people on the street.

One time he swore he saw some tall man in a slouchy hat watching him from across the boulevard. Levi’s heart thundered, and he raced out of the shop. But by the time he got outside, the figure was gone.

He told himself it’d been his imagination.

Finally, it was the seventh day. Petra was getting up and out. She had to be delicate—doctor said she had to have complete rest for another six weeks, no exercise or strain whatsoever—but she could start her journey home. They had a couch for her. Erwin and Levi, the last remaining Corps members, would ride alongside her back to Trost.

Levi knocked on her door. Petra called to enter. He did.

She was wearing civilian clothes, a long woolen skirt and a shirt. She was buttoning up a yellow sweater when he closed the door. Petra turned, the sunlight catching her hair.

It haloed her. Damn, the sun knew how to make everything dramatic.

“Levi.” She beamed.

“Hey, brat.”

She came over to him, and flung herself into his arms. Her lips met his, and he savored her. He let himself have this, kissed her in return. He let it last as long as it could. When they finished, she nuzzled his cheek. He felt her lashes flutter against his skin.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” she sighed.

“If I never come back to this dive again, I’ll be a happy man.”

She giggled. “How are your ribs?”

“Fine. Shitty. Your stomach?”

“It still feels like someone punched me hard.” She groaned. “The doctor says the stitches will come out on their own. I feel so strange. People had their hands inside of my gut.” She shuddered.

“Don’t make this too gross. I want to eat again at some point.”

Petra kissed his cheek. “Yes, sir.” She sighed and hugged him close. “When we get home, I’m going to fall asleep for about five years.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“Mmm. I guess it won’t be in our bed. Yet.” She kissed him again. He kissed her once more, touched the silky back of her head, then stopped.

“Petra. I need to tell you something.”

Levi didn’t have the most expressive voice on the planet, but he could tell she heard something different in his tone. She frowned at him.

“What?”

There was no easy way to say it, and he wasn’t about to hem and haw and dance around the topic. Better to shit it out and be done.

“It’s over.”

She blinked at him. She really didn’t seem to understand.

“What is?”

He looked at her calmly, let her figure it out. She paled.

“What?” She clutched the lapel of his jacket tighter, as if that would keep him. “No it’s not. I got better.”

“I’m glad about that.” And he was. He really was. He was not a man known for his gentleness, but he had to be gentle now. She deserved that much. “Look, I don’t know how to say this nice.”

“Just…just wait until we get home. We’re both tired.”

“I’m not. Slept like a damn log, actually, for the first time in a while.”

“Levi, I know you blame yourself for what happened to me.” Her gaze softened. “But you shouldn’t.”

“I do blame myself because it was my fault, but that’s not why.” He had a hard time expressing himself, but he kept trying. “You…you’re beautiful. You’re perfect. I hate this, but I have to.”

“If you hate it, then don’t. I don’t want to stop this,” she whispered. She gripped his hand, squeezed tight. He took himself from her grip. Petra backed away from him. He could see the dawning realization in her eyes. He meant it. He wasn’t just upset. She began to shiver.

“This is necessary.”

“It’s not. You don’t have to protect me.”

“I’m not. I’m protecting myself, and the Survey Corps.” The more emotional she became, the more he had to shut down. It was the only way to get through it. “Petra, I was a different man with you.”

“No.”

“Yes. Yes. And I liked it. A lot.”

“So did I.”

“But that’s why this can’t happen. Understand? I have to be who I am, or was, or something. I can’t be a good man for you.”

“I don’t understand this.” She started shaking her head, and sat down on the sofa. Her chin quivered. “You can’t just make this decision without me!”

“I can. I did. It’s done.” Make it clean. Cut it off. But apparently that only made her angrier. He should’ve expected it. Petra shot back up, fire in her eyes. Good. Better if she hated him.

“It’s not done! I don’t want it to be.”

“I do. And when one person is done, it’s over. Even I know that.”

“But…” The anger faded, and the tears formed in her eyes. Fuck, this was what he’d dreaded most.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he said quietly.

“Shut up.” She turned around and faced the wall. He heard sniffling. Levi shuffled back and forth. The agony he’d felt at her bedside, the conflict that had warred within him for the entire week while he stared out of tea shop windows and figured out what to do, it was all gone now. Levi was burnt out. He could feel nothing, except a tinge of sorrow for what he was giving away. And relief for what she would have without him.

“It’s not that I don’t love you,” he said. She didn’t move. “It’s because I do.”

“Don’t give me any nonsense about how love makes us weak,” she muttered. Sounded like she was crying.

“It doesn’t. It makes _me_ weak. That’s the problem.” He stepped forward, wrestling with what to say. “Petra, I should’ve torn those thugs’ heads off the minute we walked out of the Red Hand’s headquarters and burned the place down. If I’d done that, this close call shit would never have happened. If I’d slashed Sofia’s throat in the underground, no one up here would’ve died. I couldn’t do it because—”

“Because of me? It’s my fault?” she growled.

“No. Because I was too scared to risk you. I couldn’t do my job because I wanted you to be safe, and that’s not how soldiers act. We have each other’s backs, but we also die. We accept that. I couldn’t. Not with you. That’s why this is over.”

She turned then, wiped her cheeks. “This wasn’t titan territory. It was the underground. We’ll probably never be in a situation like that again.”

“You can’t swear it. Anyway, it’ll bleed into our work beyond the walls. I have to make choices that guide humanity forward. I can’t be sure I won’t try protecting you first. Or most. And I can’t do it.”

“What if I retired?” she blurted out. Her gaze was fierce. “Or what if I only trained new recruits and never went out beyond the walls? I could work in the hospital.”

“Do you want to retire from the field?” Her silence spoke volumes. “I don’t want you to, either. You’re one of the best we have. I need you out there, with me.”

“But not _with_ you,” she snapped.

“No. Not like that.” Levi made his voice dead. He wanted her to hate him. He wanted this to be easy for her. “It isn’t just worrying about you. When I spotted the gunman—”

“I don’t care—”

“ _Listen._ When I saw him, I told you to get down. But I was barely thinking about you then. All I cared about was making sure Erwin didn't get hit.”

Her lip quivered. “He’s the Commander. Of course you had to make sure he survived.”

“You don’t understand me. If I had to do it again, knowing what happened to you, I would do it the same way. Do you hear me? If someone asked me to choose who would live, you or Erwin, I would choose Erwin. Every time. No matter what. Always.” He watched as what he was saying sank in. “We need him more than you, Petra. I wish the world wasn’t such shit and that I didn’t have to think like that. But I do. You are always second to him. I needed to make a choice—these last two weeks, I knew I had to do it. I made it. It’s him. I love you enough that I want you to have a man who’ll always choose you. I can’t be that man. So it’s done.”

She stood there looking like someone had punched her. He wanted to hold her, but knew that would make it all worse.

“I…” She swallowed. “I’d rather be the person you loved second most in the world than be anyone else’s first. Levi. I don’t mind.”

Now _he_ felt like he’d been punched. Because it was so tempting.

“Sorry, kid. I need fewer complications.” He looked away. Didn’t want to draw out the explanation. That should be enough. “I know I put you in a real shit situation here. Look, I don’t know what Erwin would say, or how you’d feel, but if you still want to be on my squad then the spot is yours. It’s up to you.”

She didn’t seem angry, or sad. She appeared blank.

“Oh. I…” She sat on the windowsill and looked outside, hands folded in her lap. “Thank you. I think it would be too hard for me.”

“Okay. You’re a hero, you understand? You can have your pick of assignments. Erwin’ll make sure you get a prime spot. Who knows, you could be fast tracked for a squad leader. Youngest one ever. That’d be good.”

“Yes.” She still sounded like she was sleepwalking. Then, “Is it because I almost died? Is that why you’re too afraid?”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Fine. Tell yourself that.” She looked at him with something like contempt. He felt his muscles contract, instinctive, ready to spring. Ah, she was good. Knew what she was doing. Knew what would push him.

“It’s not because you almost died. It’s because I understood everything clearly when you got shot. It would’ve happened sooner or later. Better now, when we’re not too wrapped up in each other.”

“Oh. Fine. I’m glad you don’t feel too _wrapped up_.” She got up, paced back and forth before the window, hands on her hips. He could see the energy in her. She wanted to run, to scream. Good. Let her get it all out. “You know if you’re going to do this”—here her voice trembled—“it’d be nice if you thought that maybe _I’d_ be upset…”

The tough façade broke, and she started to cry. Levi felt pulled in, but he couldn’t lose control. He went over and put an arm around her. When she flung herself against him, sobbing, he just let her. He stared over her shoulder and out the window. She began frantically kissing his cheek, but he pulled away gently.

“No. I’m sorry. It’s just over.”

She stared at him, trying to find a way to make him bend. But he’d locked away all those feelings. Lying with her in his arms, sloshing in the bathtub, flying along the underground, planning and working and listening to her laugh. During all of it, he’d felt alive for the first time in…ever, maybe.

But a man like him couldn’t feel alive. Alive meant feeling everything. And in his line of work, to feel everything was to lose your mind.

“Please,” she whimpered. He shut his eyes. He didn’t want her to plead. He wasn’t worth it.

“One day you’re going to have some guy you really love who’s not fucking crazy, and you’re going to pass me in the hall and smile and say thank you. It’s going to happen.”

“It won’t.”

“This is the worst part, okay?”

For him, the worst part had happened already. It’d been seeing her lying in bed, feverish, a moment from death. He couldn’t have borne it. He couldn’t let her throw herself away on him. This didn’t hurt him, because he couldn’t feel anything.

She loosened her grip on him. Realized it was hopeless.

“Okay.” She sniffed. “Can I ask for something?”

“Yes.”

“Kiss me one more time.”

Oh, fuck. He wanted it, too, which meant he had to be careful. He drew her against him, and touched his lips to hers. She moaned softly, opened her mouth. His kiss was gentle, but it was quick. He pulled away first. Petra stared at him in horror, like she was going to ask for it again. But she couldn’t. He’d granted her request. She had no more hold on him.

“I…” She pushed him away from her, and stood there looking lost. Then, slowly, her shoulders relaxed. She breathed deeply. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“It hurts, but I understand.” She smiled gently. “Thank you. I know we didn’t have a long time, but…I liked it.”

“I more than liked it.” Careful; didn’t want to feel. “There isn’t anyone else for me. But there will be for you.”

She nodded. He turned and left, sighing deeply as he shut the door. He walked down the hallway, and met Erwin coming into the barracks. The taller man frowned.

“Everything all right?”

“Yeah. She’s about ready to go.” Levi nodded. “See you on horseback.”

He walked out into the cold.

***

Erwin watched the captain walk away. Levi had never appeared smaller than he did at this moment. He might walk as tall as ever, but Erwin could sense in some instinctive way that the man was diminished.

He went to fetch Petra. The place was quiet, the medical bay empty. He could hear her quite plainly.

She was sobbing.

Erwin stopped. He ought to leave. This was…it was the right choice. Levi in love was a terrible idea, for him, for the girl, for everyone. He’d done the decent, hard thing. Erwin should leave Ral to her cry, allow her some privacy. But he crept nearer. The door to the private room was open ajar, and he could not help peering through it.

She was sprawled on the couch, sobbing into her arms. It was the hacking, full-throated sobbing of a child, or a mourner at a funeral. Through her wailing, he caught a few words. ‘No, no’ and ‘please’ over and over.

He’d never seen anyone so broken by heartache.

He could never have imagined this level of pain. Even when he’d left Marie. He felt dwarfed by the enormity of this woman’s grief.

Erwin stepped away. He went outside. He tried to feel better. He couldn’t.

Eventually Petra joined them, climbing into the couch without a word. She carried herself with dignity. No one would ever know what she’d been doing. Erwin glanced at Levi. The man appeared as cold and possessed as ever.

Honestly, he was something of a monster. Perhaps that’s why the two of them got along so well. They were both monstrous.

As they rode out, Erwin thought he caught a glimpse of a tall, shadowy figure watching them from an alley. When he turned, though, nothing was there.

***

The Boar’s Field was quiet tonight. Petra and Erwin were asleep upstairs. Levi was having a third pot of tea before the fire. Everyone had gone to bed by now. Even the barkeep had locked up. Levi was alone.

He gazed into the flames, trying to paint over Petra’s unhappiness in his memory. But every time he pictured her happy or laughing, the scenes of her misery came over him again. Fuck. He wished he could sleep. But if he did, the dreams would be worse.

He’d done the right thing today. He just wished doing the right thing didn’t always hurt him.

Levi heard the bell as the inn’s door opened. He rubbed his eyes as someone walked over to him. He felt the cold on his skin that the traveler had brought from outside.

“Think you’ll have to ring at the desk. They’re all asleep by now,” he grumbled.

“Aw, well, I ain’t lookin’ to rent a room. More in the mood for a bit of conversation,” Kenny said.

Levi was on his feet in an instant, a knife in his hand. The fucker. The bastard. He’d come to—

“Tch. How ‘bout yah put the knife down, brat?” The older man scowled. “Ain’t lookin’ for a fight either.”

Levi was about to tell him to get the fuck away when he saw what Kenny was carrying. Levi took a good look at it, then slowly sank into his chair. Kenny pulled up a chair himself, sat, and rested the case on his knees.

Not just any case. Erwin’s case.

“Is that…?”

“A fuck ton of money? Take a look.” Kenny handed the case over. Levi’s eyes darted from the case to the man, back and forth several times. Kenny looked bored by the indecision. In fact, he picked up Levi’s half-drained cup, tossed the remnants into the flames, and poured some for himself.

Levi undid the latches and gazed inside. Gold glittered in the firelight. It was only missing one piece—the one Levi’d pocketed when Kenny’s man had thrown it to show it was real.

“This is a trick.”

“No trick. This tea’s shit.”

“You want something for it.”

“What I want, I already got.”

“You did not ride halfway down from Mitras to give me thousands of pieces of gold you could’ve kept for yourself.”

“Well, it’s kinda what I did do, midget. Stop pretendin’ the obvious ain’t real.”

“ _Why?_ ” Levi glared at Kenny. The older man looked quite relaxed.

“I told yah. I got what I needed from yah.”

“Killing Sofia? Stopping Leviathan?”

“What, that? Tch. Nah. That was just a bonus.”

Levi felt his temper fraying. “Then what did I do for you, Kenny? Why did you drag me into the underworld? Why did you steal the gold and then give it back? Why?”

“Wasn’t about the gold. It was all about you.”

“ _What about me?_ ”

“Oi, if yer gonna start bawlin’ like this, I’ll take my leave.” Kenny stood. Levi closed the case and stood as well, knife out. Kenny all but rolled his eyes. “Ain’t you had enough fun fer a while?”

“I don’t understand what’s happening.” Levi felt about ready to start screaming. “Just tell me what I did for you.”

“You’ll probably find out someday.”

“Fuck someday, tell me _now_.”

“Well, I’m not stayin’ to be yelled at by a fuckin’ kid. Oops.” Kenny grinned. “Forgot yer a man now. What with bein’ so damn tiny.”

“ _Kenny!_ ”

Levi unspooled his body, slashing in pure frustration. He staggered forward. No one was on the end of his blade.

“Oi.” Kenny was over by the door, popping his collar against the wind. “Almost forgot. Little somethin’ extra.”

The old man took something out of his pocket and flung it into the air. Levi stood and snatched it, looked down. In his hand lay a topaz on a broken chain.

“Kenny. You—”

When Levi looked back up, the man was gone. The bell hadn’t even rung to signal Kenny’s departure.


	30. Chapter 30

**Four weeks later**

“Am I an abnormal?” Hange asked.

“Absolutely,” Levi muttered into his whiskey. The brunette’s eyes widened behind her glasses.

“Oh, really? I am?” She beamed.

“Levi,” Erwin said, his voice a warning. Levi merely shrugged.

“Ask a question, get an honest answer.” He gazed over the railing to the lower level of the tavern. This place looked like a hunting lodge for people who brought in possum and anemic deer, a dump with a few beers on tap and floors that were never clean enough. Basically, it was the only place that was solidly in their budget when they needed to let off some steam. Beneath them, a crowd of Survey Corps were drinking and carousing. They always had this little ritualistic celebration when they came back with more than 80% of their troops intact. The death rate tended to be lower in the winter. Titans had a harder time moving in snow.

Meanwhile, Levi was sitting up on the second level with all the goddamn adults, playing some idiotic drinking game Hange had devised. The woman sat right across from Levi with a card stuck to her forehead. KING FRITZ was written on the card. Levi didn’t quite care enough about the rules to remember them, but Hange had to keep guessing until she figured out from their reactions who or what she was. Or something. Again, stupid.

“Am I any kind of titan?” Hange asked Erwin. The Commander shook his head. “Oh.” She pouted at that. “I hoped I was.”

Nanaba pushed away from the table and gazed languidly at the ceiling. Mike stood behind her chair, arms crossed over his chest. Levi checked the clock on the wall: nearly eleven. He understood why the brats in their teens and early twenties wanted to stay out this late, but why were the goddamn veterans still here? Wasn’t the point of being in your thirties that you could just go home when you wanted and not have sex with anyone? With a sigh, Levi stared into his glass of whiskey. Didn’t tend to drink much, since he couldn’t get drunk and didn’t love the taste. But it was a celebration tonight. They’d only lost three on the last expedition. A good day’s work.

Of course, to the families of the fallen, it’d been a very bad day. But if you thought about that too much, you’d go crazier than usual.

The alcohol burned on the way down. Hange kept babbling questions which Nanaba answered rapid fire. Am I a snake? No. Am I an animal? No. Am I any type of walrus, then? N—what? Levi as he let out the heaviest sigh of his life. He closed his eyes and wished for a speedy death.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself,” Erwin said. The man tried to play innocent, but he couldn’t hide the smug smile.

“You seem to be missing my fist in your face,” Levi answered. He drank some more.

“Oh! Oh!” Hange bounced in her seat. “Cold, a little scary, powerful… Am I Levi?!”

“Over my dead fucking body,” he said.

“No.” Nanaba stood and stretched. “I need to find some water. The beer went right to my head.”

“Hmm.” Mike walked behind her, taking the stairs while nearly glued to her back. Apparently ‘water’ was the universal signal for ‘come fuck me in the bathroom.’

“Have fun,” Levi muttered.

“Well.” Hange puffed out her cheeks and took a swallow of beer. She screwed up her face as she thought. “I can’t be King Fritz…”

“That’s it. You won,” Erwin said, clinking his glass against her mug. “Congratulations.”

“Only took you five hours.”

“Levi, how can you be so cold? I did it in under one! Just barely.”

Guessing games weren’t Hange’s strong suit. Her thoughts went all over the place.

“Well, now Mike and Nanaba are screwing the shit out of each other somewhere, why don’t you go get us some tea? It’s time to soak up the alcohol.”

“We’re all fine, Levi,” Erwin said.

“Really? Your bolo tie’s crooked.”

“Oh, it is not—oh. Thank you.” Erwin cleared his throat as he straightened his clothes and hair. His cheeks had a faint tinge of red. It took a lot to get the Commander drunk, but a lot was what he’d taken tonight. Honestly, Erwin was such a fucking imbecile. Levi was one of the few who’d ever seen the doltish side of the Commander. Beneath the handsome exterior and the commanding presence and the monstrous eyebrows, Erwin Smith also liked tongue twisters, reading about pre-wallian architecture, and old sentimental operettas whose sheet music he tried to hide whenever anyone came into his room unannounced. Frankly, the old man dorkishness of the Commander was one of the reasons Levi liked the guy. They could be two old-yet-young men together.

And they would be together until one or both of them died. Levi had made his peace with it. Peace felt good. Yeah, these last four weeks had been among the most peaceful he’d known in years. There’d been no wondering what Petra felt for him, or wishing he could taste her lips just once. Done it. Understood it. Now he could move on. Erwin and their shared dream was Levi’s whole focus now. Thank fuck he’d finally seen sense.

Hange blew a raspberry, then laughed at herself. Well, at least someone thought she was amusing.

“I don’t want tea! I want another round of—what are we drinking? Beer? And whiskey. Together in one glass.”

Levi was about to tell her how phenomenally stupid that was, when a cheer rippled through the crowd below. Levi and the others turned to watch a small, red-haired figure pass through the crowd like a fish cutting through a stream. Eld went over to the girl and lifted her up, spinning her around as everyone cheered and toasted their glasses in the air.

No need to ask who the little redhead was.

“Petra’s first time out of the barracks in weeks,” Hange said badly. She looked from Levi to the ceiling and back again. “Uh. That’s good for her.”

“It is,” Erwin said. Levi felt the man gazing at him. Levi ignored him and gazed at the girl in turn.

Petra was wearing a light pink sweater and a wool skirt. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold; he saw it when she lifted her face to the ceiling and laughed. She was very alive and well now. Still needed a couple weeks more rest, but the worst was behind them.

Honestly, Levi had never seen her happier.

“Are you all right?” Erwin asked quietly.

Levi immediately looked away from the girl and downed the rest of his drink. Maybe he should have another.

“Yep,” he said.

“Er. I’ll, uh, go get some tea. Tea sounds good.” Hange’s chair scraped the floor as she stood. “I like tea.”

“Thank you, Hange.” Erwin stared at Levi as the Squad Leader walked away. A second later it was just the two men sitting at the table, both looking into their empty glasses. “I know you don’t want me to belabor the point—”

“Don’t be-anything it. Just leave it.”

“It won’t do any good to sit quietly if your soul is not quiet.”

“Good news. My soul’s not even there. It doesn’t need to be quiet.”

“Levi.”

“It’s a fucking joke. You get any more uptight, your shit’ll turn to diamonds.”

“Thank you for that rather colorful statement.”

Erwin stopped talking then, which was good. Levi didn’t go in much for talking incessantly about shit that’d already been dealt with. If it was the past, it was the past. No sense dwelling. Erwin had told him that once, after all. Levi found that he didn’t even want to search for her in the crowd now. His desire had leached away over the last couple of weeks. Really, hard to believe he’d ever felt anything at all. Maybe all he’d really needed was to bust his cherry, and he’d done that. Petra held no power over him anymore. He could glance over at her without feeling like he was stealing something precious and forbidden. Yeah, he could look without any kind of pain. So he looked, and he saw her talking to some tall, sort of handsome young man. Petra laughed, tilting her chin up and giggling helplessly at something the boy had said. He looked excited as he spoke with her, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Fuck, he was tall. Maybe too tall. Guys could be freakishly tall, and women didn’t like that usually. Men who were too tall were kind of freakish.

And he wasn’t all that handsome, now Levi took a good look. Face like a horse. Probably had a voice still rough with adolescence. Petra was too mature for that.

Petra leaned forward with her laugher and gently placed her hand on the boy’s arm.

“Levi.”

“What?” Levi snapped. Erwin watched him with a weary, wary look. “Just checking out the new recruits. That young guy with the longish hair. Is he new? Looks kind of green.”

“Good of you to assess the fitness of our newest additions, but why do it in a bar?”

“I’m assessing how much more time I want to spend doing this childish drinking shit. Turns out I can handle about thirty more seconds.” Levi waited exactly twelve more seconds, then stood up and swung into his trench coat. “See you back at the barracks.”

“Levi.”

“Erwin. Good, we still know each other’s names. Tch.” He swept past the table and down the stairs, blood burning in his ears. He really didn’t want to get involved. He just wanted to walk by and see what they were talking about. After all, maybe they were related. Or maybe he wasn’t into women, and they were discussing some young man he might like to ask on a date. Great idea. Really nice. Wouldn’t it be just like Petra to help?

Levi pretended to be staring at his shoes as he neatly shoved through the crowd and ended up right behind Petra.

“Ah. Sorry, Ral,” he said, nearly bumping against her back. For one brief second, he smelled the lilac of her soap. The nice stuff she’d received as a present from the king. She saves hundreds of lives, gets paid in soap. Some might’ve thought it insulting, but to Levi it seemed like the highest of compliments. And she smelled so damn good…

_Don’t become Mike, for fuck’s sake._

“Oh! Hello, Captain.” Petra beamed at him, her smile pure sunshine. Utterly back to normal. Good. That was good. “It’s all right. Yuri and I were just talking.”

“Well, I’m mostly laughing. She’s so funny.” Yuri beamed at Petra.

_Stop trying to get into her pants, you asshole. Don’t you know what she’s been through?_

“Captain?” Petra asked. Shit maybe he was glowering. Ah, but that was normal for him. Yuri stared at him blankly, then saluted.

“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” he said.

“Sure. Nice to meet you.” Levi looked at Petra. She looked at him. Her delicate brow furrowed. Fuck, she was probably wondering what was wrong with him. He needed to say something. Something clever. Funny. Charming. Just to show her he wasn’t sore or weird about anything.

“Where’s the toilet?” he asked. He managed to stop himself before uttering ‘because I could shit for days.’ Good job for him.

“Oh. On the right.” Petra pointed off to the side of the tavern. “Having a good night, sir?”

“Yep. You having fun? Sure you feel all right?”

Petra beamed again. “Oh, yes. I couldn’t stay cooped up anymore. I can’t wait to start running field exercises again in a couple of weeks.”

“I told Petra she’ll be the best out there.” Yuri grinned at her.

_Fuck you._

“Sure. It’ll be rough, though. You’ve been inactive too long. Have to strengthen you up.”

“Yes, I’m sure Miss Hange will have me running laps.” Petra laughed.

Right. Hange. Petra wasn’t his to instruct any longer. Levi decided he needed to go splash some water on his face and wake up.

“Sure she will. Well.” There was no way to stay any longer without making this awkward. Petra was being sweet to him, but her body language indicated she wanted to keep talking with Yuri. “Have fun.”

“Thank you, sir.” Petra beamed again. Beaming always. Sunbeams and rainbows and firelight, that’s what this girl was. Levi wondered if he could go to sleep and just stay under for a few days.

Levi walked away, pushing through the crowd and ignoring everyone who spoke to him. He cast a final glance back at Petra and Yuri. She was on her toes, one hand on his shoulder, and he was whispering something in her ear. She giggled. Levi could tell from his expression that Yuri liked being that close to her.

He wandered off with his head down. Didn’t even notice Eld dancing with his girl, arms wrapped around her waist, face nestled against hers. All right, he noticed it a little. Fuck everyone. Why was it so damn hot in here? Levi had to sidle through a clump of people on his way to the bathroom door.

“She’s an _angel_ ,” someone said. Levi looked up and found Moblit hanging off of Oruo. The executive officer was drunk off his ass, his boyish face flushed as he whispered harshly into Oruo’s ear. From the other man’s face, Levi got the impression Moblit’s breath was rank with alcohol. Guy would be sweating whiskey for days. “A lithe, brunette _angel_. So many, hic, guys, they say she’s plain. _Plain_. What do _they_ know? She’s got those, ah, those big brown eyes. So magnify, er, magnified with her glasses. That _smile_. That _laugh_. The way she nearly puts her head into titans’ mouths like a fucking _crazy person._ ” Moblit squeezed Oruo tight.

“Get _off_ ,” Oruo grunted, but Moblit appeared to start humping his leg.

“Han-ge. Such a beautiful name. At first I thought she scared me. And she does. But my feelings, they square, they _scare_ me mos’ of all. So what if she’s older? I’m _still_ more mature. She’s like a cross between a, er, a nymph and a hyperactive two year old dog. Haaannnngggeeee. I wanna marry yooooou. An’ then we will have beautiful babies, Oruo. And I will make them a house. And give her a thing to look at germs. Microsc—something. And then maybe she won’t drag me outside the walls anymore and _I can stop drinking so much._ ”

“I’m going to kill you, Moblit.”

“ _Mr. and Mrs. Hange Zoe._ ”

Levi got the hell out of there when Moblit started crying.

“Fuck this world,” he grumbled, frowning to find a chair in front of the bathroom door. He shoved it aside and opened up.

Inside was a single toilet, a sink, and a mirror. Levi could not see the toilet, because Mike was blocking it. His pants were around his ankles. Meanwhile, Nanaba was seated on the sink with her skirt up. Her arms were wrapped tight around Mike’s neck, and she clung to him for dear life as he thrust deep inside of her.

“Yes Daddy, yes Daddy, yes Daddy,” she chanted breathlessly over and over. Mike had his face buried against her neck.

“Ugh, you smell so fucking _good_ ,” he moaned.

Levi made some kind of noise, unable to look away. Mike stopped thrusting. He and Nanaba gazed nonchalantly at Levi.

“Care to join?” Nanaba asked.

“Don’t,” Mike said.

Levi slammed the door shut and walked away.

“Why is everyone so fucking horny?” he muttered as he exited the building, his breath clouding in the cold winter air.

“Well, the Survey Corps is often pitched directly on the line separating life and death. Such proximity to our demise often inspires feelings of _carpe diem_. To seize the day. Since it’s unlikely many of us will live to sire families, the pleasures of the flesh offer a temporary respite. And who better to understand our particular struggle with mortality than one of our own?” Erwin said, standing alongside him.

“That was a question I didn’t need an answer to,” Levi said. He glowered. He walked away, his boots crunching in the snow.

“Rhetorical,” Erwin said, walking alongside.

“What’d you call me?”

“It’s a rhetorical question. You see, rhetoric is—”

“If you keep telling me about this, I’ll bury you in snow up to your ass.”

That shut the Commander up. They walked in silence for a while. Far away, the bells tolled midnight. They stuck to the sidewalks, trudging in and out of the fevered glow of the lanterns. The wind was bitter tonight, and Levi was glad of his scarf. He blew into his hands and shoved them into his pockets, glancing at the candlelit windows on either side of him. Mostly, he waited for Erwin to start talking again. He could feel it was coming.

Instead, to his surprise, the Commander began to…sing.

“ _Oh, I am a simple farmer and I till and tithe and toil._ ” Erwin was definitely drunk now; he was singing from one of those lame operettas. What was this, The Milkman’s Lament or some shit? Erwin took a deep breath, and his rich baritone vibrated as he sang: “ _With my spade and plough and oxen I do battle with the soil._ ”

“Erwin. Fuck. How drunk are you?”

The big man wove a bit, nearly staggering into a frozen puddle. For fuck’s sake.

“ _If a woman I would wed and bed you know she must be graaaand._ ”

“I don’t know him,” Levi muttered to a passing stray cat. It blinked in reply.

“ _For I am a simple farmer and my lady is my laaaaand._ ”

“Shut up!” someone yelled in the distance. A dog barked.

“Put it up your ass,” Levi called in reply. No one got to tell Erwin Smith to shut up except him. Levi nudged the brilliant jackass in his ribs. “I don’t know when you decided to join the Royal Opera, but your voice is shit. Knock it off.”

Erwin sniffed from the cold. “Ah, sorry, Levi. I can’t remember the last time I had four whiskeys in a night.”

Again, he staggered. Again, Levi had to catch him and hang onto him by the edge of his coat. Fuck this. Levi took to leading the Commander forward like someone dragging his troublesome dog around. Least Erwin didn’t piss in the snow. Yet.

“You drunk is more embarrassing than Hange drunk. At least people expect her to be insane.”

“Ah, Levi. If I can’t loosen up once in a while with you, who can I be myself with?”

Well. Fair point. Levi let go of the big idiot’s coat and they continued their frosty journey. Levi’s mind wandered back to the tavern. It was warm there. Maybe he’d been too hasty running away. Right now, they’d all be huddled together on the floor, maybe dancing to some music. Petra twined in Yuri’s arms. Him breathing down her neck as he whispered something idiotic into her ear.

_There isn’t anyone for me. But there will be for you._

He’d meant it. He had. He didn’t want Petra to be alone and unhappy. She wasn’t made for it, not like him. But maybe it hurt his pride just a little that she’d moved on from him within two weeks. First couple of weeks after they returned, she’d looked pale and wan when he saw her in the mess. She was in there rarely, of course. Mostly she had to stay confined to her bed. The paleness was probably from being weak, but some part of it had satisfied him. Maybe there was some part of him that liked the idea that if he walked right up to her there and asked her to come back, she’d leap into his arms without hesitation.

But soon after that, she’d brightened again. Started meeting his eyes, talking pleasantly. Laughing. Flirting.

If he was the damn love of her damn life, shouldn’t she hurt a little while longer? Well, wasn’t that good? Showed she was fickle. Showed his love had been deeper than hers. Clearly she’d been wrong for him, too young and too careless. Yeah. This was okay.

“Levi. I’d like you to talk to me,” Erwin said.

“About what? Your singing? I already said it’s shit.”

“Levi.”

“I’m fine. I’m cold. It’s winter, in case you didn’t notice.”

Silence. The crunch of their footsteps. The cloud of Erwin’s breath.

“When I said to make a choice with no regrets—”

“Erwin—”

“Listen. It’s an order.” Funny how Erwin sounded far less drunk all of a sudden. “When I said that, I meant it. But no human being can live with absolutely no regrets at all. Without regret, we don’t learn. Without learning, we stay as we are. I don’t want you to remain frozen in time, Levi. Our mission requires dynamism, and not just physically.”

“I already learned. I’m not supposed to have a life like that.” He looked at a house window, all lit up. Inside he saw a dinner table set for four. A family. “This is where I belong. With you.”

“And miserable?”

“Fuck makes you think that?”

“I know you.”

“Fuck off.”

“It is possible to learn the wrong lesson.”

“Sure it is. But not this time.” Levi started to walk faster. “I’m cold. I don’t want to slow down. See you at the barracks.”

But Erwin kept pace with him. Of course he did. The man had longass legs.

“It’s true that Survey Corps members do not often marry, or have families. We typically don’t engage in committed relationships because of what we do, and all its perils. But there are exceptions to every rule, outliers to every group.”

“Are you telling me I’m wrong not to fuck my subordinate?”

“I’m merely saying that you are an atypical man in nearly all respects, and as such you do not have to live your life according to the standards set around you.”

“I spent my whole goddamn life looking for something worthwhile to do.” Maybe the whiskey had had some effect on him; Levi was getting dizzy, though it might’ve been with rage. “Sometimes I think you think I’m a lot more of a rebel than I am.”

Levi often thumbed his nose at authority, but only because he perceived it as the wrong authority. Given the correct world, the correct leader, he would be the most insufferable enforcer of the rules. Well, not completely—Levi would always put people’s problems before some bureaucrat’s list. But he wanted a world that was right. He’d pay any price to get it. Any. No beautiful amber eyes could take him from that goal.

“Love is not a rebellion.”

“Sounds pretty. I’m sure that’d look great on an embroidered pillow or something. Doesn’t make it true. How many of those fucking plays have you told me about where two people fall in love and the world turns to shit because of it? Tch. Better sober up.”

“You are hardly a Romeo, Levi. Certainly not a Tristan.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You are a man, not a boy. I’m not speaking of age. I trust your ability to regulate your life implicitly.”

“I don’t get why you’re talking to me about this. I don’t get what you want.” A headache was starting. He wanted to kick something. “You got dumped because you wanted to go into the Corps. Women can’t handle this being a man’s life, not when they’re emotionally involved. You did the right thing and moved on.”

“But I didn’t,” Erwin said softly.

“Huh?”

“Marie did not leave me because of my career choice. She would have been perfectly content to marry me, though I’m not certain how content she’d have been to watch me ride away to possible death every month. That was one of the reasons why I left her. I told her to marry Nile; she never chose him over me. I made the choice.”

Levi stopped walking. Something about this new information clicked into place differently. It inspired some emotion that was darker, and more complicated. He didn’t like that.

Erwin had not been told. He had given the orders instead.

“Yeah. But that just shows how fucking smart you are. You knew a wife and family would be too much for you to worry about.”

“I did.”

“So that’s the right choice.”

“It was right for me. It doesn’t have to be right for everyone.”

“Okay, you’re getting real soppy and wishy washy. I hate it. Sober up.” Levi trudged on ahead, and heard Erwin walking behind him.

“You aren’t me, Levi.”

“No shit. Thank god. One of you’s exhausting enough.”

“Even at the height of my sadness over Marie, I didn’t dwell on the pain. It was like an object I took out to look at each night before going to bed. But I’ve seen you these past weeks.”

“Yeah, I’ve been whipping the newer trainees into shape and doing my job. That’s what you want me to do. I did just fine on the last expedition.”

“Yes. You were flawless.”

“That’s what we need, not me busting a nut every night.”

“Are you certain the two are mutually exclusive?”

“You want me to go over everything that happened in Mitras again? Nile’s got the whole thing on record.” Nile, the cuckolded son of a bitch. Wonder if he knew he’d placed second in a two man race. He’d won his wife on a technicality. Heh. That cheered Levi a little.

“I’m tired of discussing that with you.”

“Same. So shut up.”

“Stop, Captain.”

It was an order. Levi immediately halted, inwardly cursing. Erwin strode over and stood before him. The man’s blue eyes burned like fire in the lamplight. His unsmiling mouth looked as though it’d been sculpted from marble. Everything about him was powerful, and unyielding.

“You do everything that’s asked of you, but I see you hurting.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t treat me like an imbecile.”

“It’s fine. I get my work done. You can’t ask anything else from me.”

“No, I can’t. But I can worry about long term sustainability. I care about your use next year, Levi, and the one after that.” There was some kind of dark, almost bitter expression in Erwin’s eyes. “My sole concern is and always has been moving humanity forward. I don’t care about your heart, Levi, or Petra’s. At least, I don’t care about them enough to be self-sacrificing. Rather, I care about maintaining the integrity of this operation. This war will not end anytime soon. I don’t need to see you shutting down and growing weary with inner turmoil.”

“I don’t have any—”

“Don’t insult me.”

Fine. Maybe the denial was a little insulting. But it felt like his only current defense.

“I’ll get past it. She did.”

Erwin said nothing to that. He only watched Levi, as if studying him for some revealing facial tic, a readable thought to flicker across his face. Levi made sure to give him heavy-lidded sullenness. The usual.

“And if you don’t?”

“You can put me out to pasture with all the other useless fucking cows.”

“Levi, can’t you see it’s too late?”

For what? Did he mean it was time to go to pasture, or was he talking about the actual time? Levi was too annoyed to ask.

“You said you won’t be compromised by your feelings any longer,” Erwin murmured.

“Yeah.”

“You _are_ compromised. I know you; you can’t go back. You could put her behind you if she died, because her death would spur you on. Give you purpose. But while she lives, her presence will only twist its knife. I don’t want that for you.”

“I’m not going to be with her even if she went to work in the medical unit and stayed behind the walls. Even if she wanted me, I can’t. She doesn’t want me anyway; she’s got that new kid with the long hair—look why the fuck am I talking to you about this? You think you have a right, Erwin? You may be the Commander, but you are one useless pain in the ass with all this love shit. I don’t want to stand here freezing my ass off while you turn us into a couple of sobbing girls sharing our fucking feelings.”

“That’s not my intention.”

“Good. Then shut up and walk. My knees are numb.” Levi hurried down the street and around the corner. Up a hundred yards ahead or so, he saw the barracks. Fucking finally. With a contented sigh, Levi walked over and knocked loudly on the door. Place tended to be locked after ten at night. The door unlocked, and Gelgar let them in. He’d been one of the unlucky few to pull patrol duty tonight. Gelgar sniffed at them and scowled at the floor as they passed by. The guy loved liquor better than anyone else in the Corps. Poor bastard. What a night to be on guard duty.

“Good evening, sirs,” he said.

“Hmm.” Levi shouldered past. He walked down the hallway, thawing out as he heard Erwin trudging along behind him. Unnerving sound, the big man’s boots on the floorboards. Levi stopped outside his room, letting Erwin pass. The Commander walked a few more steps, then stopped. Without turning, he spoke.

“You would have given in to Sofia for anyone’s life.”

Levi was too fucking tired to argue right now. “Huh?”

“When Sofia threatened Petra’s life to procure your cooperation, you blamed your feelings for her. You said that’s why you didn’t kill Sofia and her thugs where they stood. But I believe if it had been Oruo, or Gunther, or Eld, or Hange or me or anyone else, from Mike to the rookies… If it had been them in danger, a blade to their throats, their survival contingent upon your cooperation, you’d have made the same choice.”

“Sometimes soldiers die. It’s part of the job.”

“But I have never seen you just let someone sacrifice themselves. You fight to save them until the last possible second. You would do the same for any of us as you did for her.”

“It’s different.”

“Yes. Petra’s death would have had a more painful effect upon you than, say, Oruo’s would.” Fucking understatement. “But you would have worked to save him. Because that is how you are.”

“Is there a point to this?” he growled.

“If you blame the girl or your own emotions for what happened in Mitras, then you are not being fully honest with yourself, Levi. And I never knew you to be a liar before.”

“I don’t think you of all people get to talk about lying.”

It was a surprise to both men; Levi felt Erwin’s shock. He certainly felt his own. Levi cleared his throat.

“Eh, sorry. Drinking makes me angry.”

“Yes. Not drinking has the same effect,” Erwin said wryly. “I don’t imagine this is the best time to go over casualty reports. Tomorrow after dinner, come to my room and we’ll talk. It shouldn't take long.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you.”

With that, Erwin left. Levi’s heart was beating fast, his formerly frozen cheeks now hot to the touch. Erwin had been wrong about the lying thing. Obviously he was wrong. It couldn’t be true. Levi entered his room and closed the door hard, locking it behind him.

Finally alone and quiet, Levi breathed out. He pressed his back against the door and closed his eyes. He loved being alone. Needed it. Even Erwin and Petra could wear on him after too long. Levi needed a place of his own, where he could sit with himself and his thoughts and do anything he liked. Push ups, planning, writing letters, didn’t matter. It calmed him.

When he was alone, no one could hurt him. Quiet had always been his favorite sound as a child.

Well. Quiet wasn’t really a sound, but…fuck it.

Levi took off his coat and boots and put them away. He unwound his scarf and hung it up on a wall tack. Then he sat on his bed, listening to the slow, groaning creak of the springs. He imagined for one second the sound the bed would make with two on it—

_Stop._

So he stopped. Levi sat in his chamber and listened as voices shouted through the halls, as doors slammed as the Corps returned from the tavern. For a half hour or so it was chaos outside as everyone performed their evening rituals. Then, once the majority of them had filed into the long main barracks hall, it was quiet once more.

Levi did not sleep. He only sat and waited.

Midnight to two in the morning had always been Levi’s least favorite time of the night. It was so far until dawn, and he could almost feel everyone dropping into unconsciousness around him. It was like sitting on a desert island, watching lifeboats row away and into the distance, leaving him alone.

He hadn’t been able to sleep since the day they’d set off for Trost. Since he’d told Petra they could no longer be together. He’d slept so well in her arms. The feel of her body against his in the dark had soothed him. Their chests pressed together, he’d felt the gentle beat of her heart. That rhythm had lulled him, taken him away. The nightmares hadn’t been as visceral when she slept with him.

Levi usually tried sleeping, but he’d always jerk awake after a couple of hours. The nightmares had fangs once more, and lolling titans’ eyes. And he kept seeing Petra mashed into a red paste on the ground.

“You have to cut this shit out. It can’t matter,” he whispered. There was no reply. Well, of course there wasn’t. The reply had to come from him, and he was shit out of words.

Fine. No sleep. Just work. Levi went to sit behind his cramped little desk and start filling out the damn paperwork on the three dead soldiers. He always hated this part. As Humanity’s Strongest, it seemed to give the families of the dead an extra bit of comfort to receive a personal letter from him. Levi wore his weird fame badly, but Erwin had asked it of him. It was good for the Corps, and good for the families. The last especially got to Levi.

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kaufman_ , he began. His handwriting was cramped and rigid, the product of countless hours spent practicing. For a while he’d been an abysmal speller, but after drilling himself ceaselessly he’d become adept. Levi was no natural writer, but his diligence and punishing work ethic made up for any lack of innate talent. _I’m sorry for the loss of your son, Dirk._

Who named their son Dirk? Almost like they knew the boy would be dead by twenty, devoured by a titan. Like they knew they didn’t have to name him anything good.

One day, he might have to write a letter like this to Petra’s parents. The thought made his hand shake, and ink splattered across the page. Cursing, Levi crumpled the letter up into a ball and tossed it aside. His fingers were stained black with the ink. Fuck. Levi got up and went to his wash basin, pouring water and plunging his hands in to clean them. He grasped the thin sliver of white soap he had left and scrubbed. He scrubbed hard, until the flesh on his palms was pink and raw. Satisfied, Levi dried his hands, looked down…and saw he had ink on his shirt. Fuck. Only a few splatters, but to him it was like a gunshot wound. He groaned as he practically ripped the thing from his body. Even though his torso was clean, he poured more water and washed harder. He scrubbed his body until it stung. His breathing came fast; he exhaled between his gritted teeth. Dirty. He was still so dirty from the underground. They could smell it on him, the people up here. They could smell the stench.

She hadn’t minded it, though. She—

The soap slipped out of Levi’s hand and fell to the floor. Lying there in the dirt and grime, it was like a rude finger flipped off in his face. Fuck you, it said. There isn’t enough of me in the world to make you clean.

Grimacing, Levi tossed the soap back into the basin. He went and sat back on the bed, topless now. He needed to get back to those letters, but…

Washing his body had made him think of her hands on his naked skin, the bath they’d taken together. The sound of the bedsprings made him even more horny. Fuck. His cock was getting hard, and he couldn’t stop thinking of her. Thinking of her soft legs opening, her cheeks flushing pink, her mouth forming an ecstatic O as—

He needed to deal with the situation. Levi unbuckled his pants and took hold of himself, making soft noises as he went faster and faster. It wouldn’t hurt to think of her like this, would it? To use the memory of her for a release once in a while. It was just to take the edge off the lust. It meant nothing.

The phantom Petra writhed beneath him when Levi closed his eyes. She cooed. She gasped. She bit her lip as she thrust against him, taking him as deep as she could. Levi felt light, free as his end began to creep up on him.

_Oh_ Petra moaned. _Oh, Yuri._

Levi became flaccid in an instant. He let himself go and leaned over, elbows on his knees.

She wouldn’t sleep with that Yuri prick tonight. He knew that. She had another couple weeks left to heal, for starters. Levi took a kind of selfish relief from that. He was not a fool. When he broke up with her he’d known Petra would eventually find another man, and eventually go to bed with him. But for now at least he was the last man she’d slept with. Once another man took his place, Levi would feel even more alienated from her than before. He wondered if he’d know when she was sleeping with someone new for the first time. He wondered how he’d deal with it.

_Same as you deal with any death. Put it in the past. You had your time together. You got a taste of what you always wanted. Isn’t that enough?_

Petra wasn’t his. She was her own. He would never act the jealous prick with another guy. If she wanted this Yuri, she’d have him without Levi butting in. But he wanted to strangle that fucking Yuri, and that… That was just sad.

Levi took off his pants and stood naked in his room. He fell forward to the floor, catching himself with ease. Grunting, he began a series of push ups. By the time he hit thirty, he was sweating. At fifty his entire body was burning, but he kept going all the way to seventy five. His heart pounded, his blood screamed, sweat stung his eyes, but he kept going. Levi was naturally strong, but talent was dirt cheap. Effort kept him sharper and better than anyone else.

After he’d stopped to rest and wipe his face, he began sit ups. After one hundred, his abdominal muscles aching, he stopped. Levi practiced a hand stand, then did it one-handed. He grunted softly as he brought his legs down and did a perfect backbend. As a kid, the others in his first gang had called him Rubber because of his ability to contort into nearly any shape. His joints and tendons had stiffened a bit in adulthood, but not by much.

It wasn’t just strength that brought down all those titans. It was physical grace as well. It was flexibility, and stamina. Stamina above all.

Levi knew how to live with pain. Life without Petra was just another backbend, another hundred sit ups, another seventy five push ups. The time he’d spent with her had been a five minute water break. That was all.

Levi stood and listened as the bell towers tolled three o clock.

Halfway to dawn. He was getting there. Levi dressed and wandered out into the hall, heading for the kitchen. If this had been a spring or summer night, he might’ve gone for a run in the dark. He loved to feel the soft earth beneath his feet as he raced across a pasture by moonlight. Levi hadn’t grown up with much room to run in the underground. A wide open space with lots of green had been his idea of heaven.

At least until the night Petra went to bed with him.

_Stop, asshole._

The hallways were silent, moonlight slanting across the floor. Levi’s breath appeared faintly before him. They didn’t have money enough to heat the whole place in winter. But he liked the cold. It was a slap in the face, a way to keep him awake until dawn. So what if he got no sleep tonight? He’d stored up on sleep up in Mitras. He’d never rest so well again.

He entered the kitchen, walked down the steps…and halted.

At the long table, _she_ sat with a steaming cup between her hands. The short red hair fell in her face, the moonlight shimmering upon it. Levi’s breath caught in his throat.

_Petra._ He opened his mouth to speak.

“Hello, Captain.” Nifa looked up at him. He wasn’t sure if he felt relief or disappointment. Maybe both.

“Nifa.” Levi went to the stove, where he found hot water still steaming in the kettle. Good. Tea time. “Can’t sleep?” He poured himself a cup and blew on it.

“Yes, sir.”

“You had good form in training yesterday. We need to work on your swing. You have to cut deeper.”

“Yes, sir.”

Levi had told Erwin he wanted another woman to take Petra’s place on his squad. In the underground, you always wanted a woman for the ‘flyer’ position, the lightest and most nimble role. Even Levi, small and agile as he was, could never quite master the innate grace needed for such a position. Nifa was the second best of the younger women, just behind Petra. She’d been a natural substitute, and the guys on the squad liked her. She liked them.

But while she’d never been anything but polite and deferential to Levi, he could feel her withering stare like a dagger in his back. She was never going to get over the Petra thing. Fine by Levi. Someone ought to hold him accountable for it forever, so long as it didn’t interfere with their teamwork or their missions. And Nifa was a stone cold professional.

Levi sat at the table across from her. A candle glowed between them. Nifa watched him closely over the rim of her cup.

Nifa. Hell of a lot more inquisitive than most of the brats in the Corps. Far more probing than Petra. No wonder Hange had snapped the girl up. Levi wondered if Hange was going to regret trading the girls. Petra had been ideal for Levi—hardworking, bold, steady. Nifa was slyer, more adept at disappearing around corners and the occasional trickery to get out of a bad situation.

He’d really fucked them all over, hadn’t he? Him and his goddamn cock. It was a weakness he despised in himself.

“So.” He searched for another word. “Tea’s good?”

“Yes, sir. You got this blend back in Mitras, didn’t you?”

Yeah, the orange and bergamot tea Petra had bought for him. He couldn’t stand keeping it all to himself. Or maybe he just wanted to get rid of it as quickly as possible, so he’d offered it up to the whole squad. He wondered if that’d been callous. He wondered if it was just another reason for Nifa to silently resent him. What a great life he lived.

“Yep. Petra did.” They sipped. Silence. Merciful silence.

“She’s recovering very fast,” Nifa said. Great. They had to talk about _her_.

“That’s good.”

“Have you been to visit her?”

Levi gazed levely at Nifa. “Why would I do that?”

“Everyone’s been doing it.”

“Yes. I stopped in a couple times.”

“That’s good.” Nifa sipped. Levi was close to telling her to stop pushing him. The girl came from a wealthy family and seemed pretty insistent upon always getting her own way. Levi admired anyone who wanted to give up a cushy existence to fight for humanity, but resentment was never too far below the surface when it came to rich brats. Nifa had better watch out.

“Got anything else to say, Nifa?”

She shook her head. “Thank you for the tea. Captain.”

A noise at the door caused them both to look to the left. Oruo stood there in his nightshirt, a robe open at the waist. He wore some kind of sleeping cap that came over his ears. Probably got cold in the night. He blustered at the sight of Levi. Fuck, sometimes Levi wondered which of his subordinates had loved him more, Petra or Oruo.

“S-Sir.” Oruo snapped a discombobulated salute.

“What’re you doing up?” Levi asked.

“Probably has something to do with the new ten jars of honey we just received,” Nifa muttered. True. Oruo had a sweet tooth.

“Uh, no. I came to patrol the halls.” Oruo puffed out his chest, adopting that exaggerated carelessness and superiority that made Levi want to bang his head against a wall. “You never know who’ll be prowling at this time of night.”

“A prowling titan?” Levi drawled. “Sounds terrifying.”

“Er. Ah ha. No. Burglars.”

“One burglar against sixty hardened soldiers?” Nifa had her cheek in her hand. At least she and Levi had being annoyed at Oruo in common. “Thanks for evening the odds.”

Heh.

Oruo blustered. “Aw, you just like to poke at me, Nifa! No one likes a nagging woman—”

“Go back to bed!” Nifa barked. It was so loud that even Levi nearly jumped. Oruo quailed against the railing for an instant, then furrowed his brow in defiance.

“Woman! Don’t you go giving orders to a man with more titan kills than—”

“Bed, Oruo. Now.” Nifa glared at him. Petra had been more exasperated at Oruo than anything, like they were an old married couple. Nifa seemed like she was about to get out a horsewhip. Maybe Oruo liked that.

“Well…fine! I can tell my skills aren’t wanted. Tch. Good luck, Captain.” Oruo turned around and nearly fled back through the door. Levi looked at Nifa with admiration.

“Redheads with dominating personalities. Guess Oruo has a type,” he said. Nifa gave a brief smile.

“Yeah. Petra worries about him a lot more than I do, though.” She sighed, and looked Levi dead in the eyes. He felt the change in the air. This might be the time to escape back into the hall. Go back to his room. But he didn’t move. “So. Sir.”

“Yes?”

“I notice you didn’t ask about her.”

No need to ask whom she meant. Levi took a sip of his tea, his eyes still dead, his demeanor calm. Inside, he was growling.

“Don’t poke me, Nifa. You don’t want to do that.”

“It’s not a poke. It’s an observation.”

An observation. Yeah. She was definitely Hange’s girl.

“I don’t need to ask about her. She’s fine.”

“She’s fine.”

Was it a question? An agreement? Levi hated these feminine head games. Maybe he could go after Oruo and wander the halls together. Or maybe he could tell this brat to go to bed. Yeah. Better idea.

“You should get some rest, Nifa. I’m going to be kicking your ass tomorrow.”

“All right.” She swallowed the rest of her tea, took the cup to the sink and washed it. Levi drank and imagined it was Petra sitting across from him with the moonlight in her hair and laughter in her eyes. Sometimes he’d come out to the kitchen at night, more of his insomniac wanderings, and discover her here with a cup of tea or a glass of water. They’d sit together over a dying candle and mostly not talk to each other. He would steal glances at her and dream that she was sitting on his lap, untying his cravat with her delicate fingers, kissing him with those rose petal lips of hers. If they spoke, it would be about training or their horses or he would ask her if she’d heard from her father. Once she’d asked about his parents. He’d calmly said he was alone in the world, and let her bluster an apology. He hadn’t wanted to share with her. He needed no one in this world. The more he needed, the more could be taken from him.

He found a kernel of anger in his heart, heating and expanding. She’d laughed in Yuri’s arms. Was Levi really so replaceable? He should want to be; he should be relieved she wasn’t in pain. Maybe this was worse than never having known Petra. If they hadn’t come together, he could imagine for the rest of his life what it would be like. He’d never know what he had lost.

“Captain?” Nifa said.

“What?”

She leaned against the sink and crossed her arms. He saw her eyes tighten. She wore a quizzical look.

“Nifa, spit it out or go to bed. You waste more of my time, you’ll be on midnight patrol for the next two weeks.”

“I don’t know if I should tell you this,” she mused. Oh, fuck everything.

“You have five seconds to talk or leave, or—”

“Petra’s not well.”

Three words that landed like blows. Levi forgot what he’d been about to say. He nearly dropped his cup.

“What do you mean? The infection’s back?”

Nifa gave a soft, short sigh. She muttered something that sounded like ‘men’. “She’s in a lot of pain. Not physically.”

“She looks fine to me,” Levi croaked. He felt like he was floating above his own body now.

“Of course she does. She spends a lot of time practicing to make everyone thinks she’s all right.” Nifa stepped nearer to the table. She seemed to know the fascination she held for him now, and took her time. “Every single night, I have to go into her quarters and hold her. She cries so hard and so long she almost makes herself sick. Sometimes she actually gets sick from it.” Nifa’s gaze was hurting now, and violently angry. At him, Levi realized. “If she keeps going like this, she’s going to get sloppy. She could end up getting badly hurt. Or killed. You always say we need to keep our heads clear.”

Yes. He did say that.

“What do you want me to do about it?” It came out cold and even. Nifa could not disguise the brief curl of her lip. Disgust. Dislike. Good. That’s how everyone should feel about him.

“You did this to her. _Sir._ I think you should help.”

“I can’t give her what she wants.” He couldn’t. It would do more harm than good. Nifa took a deep breath. Levi recognized it; designed to calm her down, so she didn’t explode.

“I don’t know _what_ she wants. But I know whatever’s wrong is hurting her. Captain.” Nifa’s fists balled. “And I know it’s your fault,” she said in a whisper.

Levi raised an eyebrow. Nifa, for all her boldness, looked down to avoid meeting his eyes. He could throw her off the squad or bust her ass if he wanted. Instead, he drank his cooling tea and let her linger. Couldn’t let these brats know the power they had over him. It was a poor captain who needed to be liked by his subordinates.

To be loved.

“Got anything else to say?”

Nifa blinked in surprise. “No. That’s all. If you care about her at all, talk to her.”

“Fine. Good night.”

Nifa swayed back and forth a minute, clearly caught off balance by Levi’s nonchalance. It was good. The surprise kept the power between them in check. Nifa did not understand that while Levi cared fiercely for all his subordinates, he could not be ruled or swayed by them. Only one subordinate had ever held true, devastating power over him. Only one could bring him to his knees.

“Good night, sir.” Nifa left, and Levi sat in the kitchen for two more hours until the first gray hints of dawn appeared on the horizon. He sat there and sipped his cold tea and thought and thought. His skin was electric, his muscles taut. He wanted to go to her room right now and demand an explanation. Why put on this show? Why not talk to him? He couldn’t give her what she wanted—she wanted him, she wanted him, he could all but crow it—but he’d never deny her a chance to heal. He…

Fuck. Maybe he’d been blunter than he knew back in Mitras. Petra was tough, but she was also sensitive. Wonderfully sensitive. Her combination of grit and gentleness was one of the things he loved—that he _had_ loved most about her.

Levi stood and washed his cup and went back to his chamber, thinking hard. He paced across his floor for the rest of the night, as he heard the blue jays calling outside his windows, as morning finally crept into his room.

All right. He would…

He would not seek her out. Not right now. Not at the start of the day.

Levi decided to wait until later on, when everyone was awake and alert.

The day passed in a blur. He was focused as he had his squad and the new trainees run laps in the cold, as he monitored their weight training, as he instructed them in better blade work. He was present, as always, but he was also impatient. He was like a child waiting for lessons or chores to be over. Why should he be eager? He was not going to get back together with Petra. No matter how much he hated the idea of another man touching her, his will was too strong. He’d made the right choice. He would not regret it.

But he couldn’t let her suffer. He’d be understanding. He’d talk with her honestly. He’d hear her out. That’s what he’d done wrong, he realized now. He’d shoved her away and given her orders. Feelings, the interplay of feelings between two people had always been Levi’s downfall. He owed her an apology for that. Wasn’t going to go soft on her, or kiss her or fall into bed with her in a moment of weakness. But Petra Ral deserved to be treated right. He wasn’t enough of a thug to let her linger in pain.

And above all things, he would be in control of the situation.

At dinner he scanned the room for her, but she wasn’t there. Shit. There’d been a decent chance she’d show.

“What are you looking for?” Erwin asked. He took a bite of stew.

“Nothing.” Levi picked at his food. He rarely had much appetite.

“Don’t forget, after dinner—”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll come find you. Casualty reports. Tch. I remember.”

What a fun fucking night he was going to have.

After dinner, Levi turned his steps towards the staircase, to head up to the second floor. To Erwin’s. But as he passed along the southern corridor, he slowed down. He found himself taking a left turn into the women’s quarters. There were a few individual rooms for women like Hange, or Nifa…or Petra. Those on special squads got their own private accommodations.

He wondered if Petra had flowers in her room. Winter flowers. He wondered if she had any books on a little shelf.

He’d never seen the interior of her room before, though he’d fantasized about it frequently.

Well. Maybe now…

He stopped outside of her door. RAL was written on a placard near the top. Breathing deep, Levi stared at the wood. Absurdly, he felt like he could pierce the damn thing with his gaze and find her within. Maybe she’d be reading. Or…bathing.

Or crying.

Levi closed his eyes and raised his fist to knock.

And he lingered there. Waiting. For a sign? For what?

_Fuck you, asshole. You’ve faced down fucking titans and murderers. You can’t be scared of one small woman._

Levi leaned his forehead against the wood. He listened for delicate footsteps within. Fuck it. He lifted his hand again.

Again, he lowered it to his side.

Erwin…

Erwin needed him. Levi would come back later.

Coward. He was a real shitty coward. He wandered back towards the staircase with his head lowered and a scowl on his face. Long as he lived, he’d never forget how fucking weak he’d been. What he was at heart. A fucking coward.

Tch.

He came to the top of the steps and took the long hallway down. Erwin’s door was at the very end, his window overlooking the main streets of Trost. Real nice view on a winter’s night, the peaked rooftops all thick with snow. Maybe he’d have some tea and after the conversation he’d get up enough nerve to go back down and right up to Petra’s door. The thought gave him some comfort.

This time, he knocked without issue and immediately went in.

“Sorry, Erwin. I was—”

Erwin was not in the room. But _she_ was.

“Captain?” Petra looked up at him, appearing quite baffled. “Oh. Hello.”

She was wearing a snug woolen dress, one that accentuated the delicate curves of her body. He’d interrupted her while pouring tea. She was bent almost comically over Erwin’s table, the teapot in her hands. She poured so much she nearly spilled over onto the saucer. With a quiet curse, she put the pot down and straightened up.

They stood staring at one another across the room. Levi said the only thing that came to mind.

“The fuck are you doing here?”


	31. Chapter 31

“Captain?”

Her shock was genuine, and so was the slight hurt that he saw. That wasn’t the reaction of someone who’d been looking to ambush him. He’d really just sworn at her, hadn’t he? After everything he’d done already, he was cursing her out? Shit. What the fuck was wrong with him? Levi cleared his throat.

“Sorry, Ral. I was just expecting Erwin. Surprised to find you here instead.” That at least was the truth.

Her expression eased. She was calm again.

“I know what you mean. I was expecting the Commander, too.”

For a moment, he felt his heart seize in his chest. Petra in her pretty cranberry dress, pouring two cups of tea…was she having a date with Erwin? Had the man won her over with his height and charm and giant fucking huge fucking eyebrows? Was that why Erwin had been so fucking strange yesterday? Because he’d wanted to tell Levi that he was romancing the love of Levi’s damn life, and wanted his approval to—

_Get a hold of yourself, you shithead._

Levi didn’t like his thoughts skipping all over the place like this. Made him look a real fool.

“Any particular reason?” Levi asked. “Why you’re waiting on Erwin, I mean?”

Petra beamed. “I need his final evaluation. He’s spent most of the day training me.”

“For what?”

“Well…” She lowered her lashes, a pleased little smile on her face. “I’m going to be his executive officer.”

Now _that_ news really could have knocked Levi over. Executive officer? That was more than a promotion. Hell, it was more like a religious calling. It was an entirely new career track.

“Fuck. Really?” He got the sense he was looking a little too perplexed by the whole thing. Like it would be insulting in another second. He tried to act cool and smooth it over. “Congratulations, Petra.”

This really was baffling, though. Erwin didn’t make a habit of having aides or executive officers. Ever since Levi’d known Erwin, the man liked to keep his schedules and his plans to himself. Having Petra as an aide was like…fuck, like a lion keeping a secretary or something. It was a little bit of politics that Erwin seemed to find wasteful. Commander Pixis had two top aides himself, and a position like that usually meant you were being groomed for leadership. Honestly, Levi thought it seemed kind of strange. Petra was a top soldier, but she’d never gunned for authority the way Eld had. Did she even want to learn how to command?

Then again, she was barely twenty one. Just a kid. Maybe she didn’t yet know herself every last thing she wanted out of life. And she’d more than proven herself capable in Mitras.

“I mean it,” Levi said roughly. “Erwin couldn’t choose better.”

“Thank you, Captain.” She offered him a cup of tea and a smile. “The Commander asked me to wait here and look after his evening appointment. He said he’d be back soon.”

Look after his evening appointment? Fuck did that even mean? If Petra also thought this was odd, she didn’t show it.

Levi took the proffered cup from Petra’s hand, blew, and sipped. The tea settled his nerves at once. It was excellent.

“You always did make a perfect cup,” he said gruffly.

“Thank you, sir.”

Levi sat in a chair before Erwin’s desk, but Petra did not sit. She remained standing by the wall, hands clasped before her in an official stance. She looked like she was fully on duty, even while wearing her civilian clothes. Despite the pretty femininity of her dress, she was still an evident soldier. It got very quiet in here, maybe too quiet for even Levi’s taste. The clock on the wall ticked. Say something. He’d better say something.

“Erwin put you back to work already? Tch. You’re supposed to be resting.”

“It was just for today. Commander Erwin sent me a letter this morning telling me about my new posting. Squad Leader Hange said she was sad to lose me, but she’s excited for my future.” Again, that polite smile. Levi now realized that had been the extent of their interaction thus far: warm politeness. No hint of informality in her tone.

She was treating him with the same respect she’d always given him. It was like they were back at the first day on his squad, shared respect and formality uniting them. And dividing them.

“Erwin say why he wanted you?”

She blinked. “No, sir. I didn’t think to ask.”

“Yeah. You’re right, no reason to ask. Good for you, Petra.” It was all he could think to say. He drank tea. The clock ticked. She remained a fixture on the wall. She said nothing to him. Her behavior towards him was as calm and impersonal as it had always been while they’d worked together.

He watched her from the corner of his eye, waiting for her to slip up and reveal herself. He wanted to find the hysterical tears Nifa had mentioned, but saw nothing of the kind. No restraint. No burden. Just quiet detachment.

He told himself that was all just fine. He told himself he didn’t want to see her pain.

Five minutes passed. Levi cleared his throat. He fucking hated people being late.

“Erwin’s probably hunkered down squeezing out a shit somewhere,” he muttered. Petra laughed softly. Politely.

“Yes, sir.”

Like she was humoring him.

_Yes sir. Yes sir._ She sounded like a damn parrot. Levi placed his cup down on the table, and leaned back in his chair. She kept her eyes to the floor, a neutral expression on her face.

“Why don’t you head out?” He tried to keep his voice level. “I can keep myself occupied ‘til he gets here.”

“Ah.” She frowned a little. “The Commander asked me to wait until he got back. I’m sorry, Captain.”

“Why are you apologizing? It means nothing to me either way. Just didn’t want you to have to stand around doing nothing.”

It was getting real fucking hot in here.

“Thank you, sir.” Her voice was lilting and sweet and without any personality. “That’s very thoughtful.”

Maybe he should just go, but… No. Fuck it. Erwin Smith wasn’t going to drive him out of this room. Levi was not that much of a coward.

Well, here they were. Petra and him. Him and Petra. She couldn’t leave, and neither could he. Fuck knows, maybe Erwin was watching them from behind a potted plant or something right now, chortling to himself. Had this been the shithead’s plan all along? To stick Levi and his ex together, force them to stare at each other until one or both of them lost their head? Was that the whole reason Erwin had promoted Petra in the first place? What a scumbag. Playing with her like that. Playing with Levi. Playing, that was Erwin all over. Always some new game, some big gamble. Well, this was Levi’s fucking life. Erwin had no right. No right at all.

And Petra was so _smug_ , wasn’t she? Hanging out there, looking as easy and calm as a cat with all the cream?

“You want to cut out the bullshit?” he finally said. Petra gazed at him in quiet shock.

“Sir?”

“Yeah. The bullshit of acting like you want to be here at all.”

Again, that dumb little blink. “I’m just doing what the Commander asked.”

“Yeah, because I know you’re so excited about learning to lead the fucking Survey Corps. When I think of ‘future strategist’ I definitely think of you.”

“ _Excuse_ me?”

At least she hadn’t said ‘sir’ that time.

“Come on, this isn’t the path you envisioned for yourself and you know it. People like Hange want to run this place someday. You know. Batshit crazy brilliant people.”

Petra inhaled sharply through her nose. “I know I’m not brilliant, sir.”

Wow. Fuck him, right? He was being a cunt on a level even he couldn’t fathom, but this was just… She was just so _unconcerned._

“Fuck brilliance. _That’s_ what’s pissing me off the most.”

“Sir?”

“There you go. _Sir._ Petra, I ended things between us. I wanted us to keep it professional; I didn’t say you needed to act like your memory got erased or something. This stupid little game is getting on my last fucking nerve, so stop it.”

Her mouth pursed into a thin line. Good. At least he was getting a real reaction now.

“I’m just trying to do my job, Captain,” she said smoothly. “That’s all.”

“Stop playing games with me.”

“I’m not, sir. I’m truly not. I’d just like to wait for the Commander to get back.”

Fuck, that sounded reasonable. He hated it. He hated that she was being so much more reasonable than he was. When he’d been about to knock on her door, he’d imagined the moment she opened and saw him. He imagined a painfully bad acting job while she pretended she was just happy to see him; he imagined tears, and then rage. He imagined comforting her while she threw herself onto her bed, weeping. Weeping for the love and loss of him. And even though he knew he’d never give in to her wishes and love her again, he could at least be sweet and understanding to her. Promise her it would get better, that it was all right if she couldn’t love another man for a while. Or ever. Honestly, the two of them ought to just agree never to sleep with anyone else ever again and regretfully love each other from afar. That wouldn’t hurt, would it? To be celibate together, always knowing they were the other’s great love? Not moving on, but not hurting either. That was a comfort he could give her. He had imagined promising her that she would smile without him in time.

But now it sounded like she was just getting annoyed of him. And that…that Levi couldn’t fucking stand.

“All right. Fine. Just stop calling me sir and captain and shit like that. Call me Levi. Talk to me like normal.”

“I am,” Petra said flatly.

“You know you’re not.”

“I’m talking to you like you’re a superior officer. That’s what you are. It’s normal.”

“We lov—we were lovers, yeah? You can’t just turn the clock back on that.”

Petra was silent a moment. “But you can. You said we should.”

“I said you would be happy and find someone else, and damn it but I meant it. All right? I want you to be happy!”

“Then why are you scowling at me like this?” Again, that bafflement. That surprise. That incomprehension. She really didn’t get why Levi was like this? She was a real lying little asshole, wasn’t she? He started seeing red.

“Because you are acting like a child, and you’re better than that.”

Her mouth twitched. She nearly laughed, and stopped herself. “Um. _Sir_. I don’t think I’m the one who’s being childish.”

Oh, look at her, acting so patient with him. What a saint. Saint Petra. Probably thinking about her next date with Yuko or whatever his name was, where she’d laugh and tell him about the ugly old man who yelled at her for the most ridiculous shit. _He thought I was crying my eyes out for him. Can you imagine?_ He thought of her kissing Yui on the mouth, and then…

Levi had to get out of this room. He was losing control, if he hadn’t lost it already. He stood, glaring at her. She met his gaze coolly.

“I’m worried about you,” he said at last. Her smug expression melted a little at that. “I, er, heard you’ve been upset recently. I want to know you’re all right.”

“Excuse me?” She looked baffled. “Who said that?”

“I don’t know, you cry to a bunch of people on a regular basis? Is there a long list?”

Petra bit at her bottom lip. “I know Nifa means well,” she said, which sounded like she meant ‘Nifa, that bitch.’ “She didn’t have to drag you into this.”

“Why are you crying?” he muttered. Finally, finally her cheeks got some color. Finally she looked angry.

“I was _shot_. I nearly _died_. I was _tortured_. I was _sexually assaulted_. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed in the morning!” She was starting to yell now. Good, good. Levi wanted that passion. He wanted to get rid of this lifeless Petra waxwork. He wanted her fire again. Petra balled her fists at her sides. “When it’s night, I… That’s when it’s hardest for me.” Now he noticed her hands were trembling. She was starting to shake. “I just want to feel happy again.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you like I did,” he said, trying to be gentle. Here they were at last. He could put a hand on her back, hush her crying. They could be honest with each other.

Instead, she just looked so suddenly weary.

“Yes. You hurt me a lot. But I don’t have a lot of time to cry about you, _sir_. I have too much to deal with.” Her cheeks were turning red; there was glinting fury in her eyes now. “Do you really think I only want to sit around crying about you for the rest of my life?”

“Of course not,” he snapped. Fuck, was that actually true? Did he think that? “I just know I could’ve been nicer to you. Maybe I should apologize. Excuse me for giving a shit about your feelings.”

“Yes, I know you really care about my feelings.” She turned and placed the kettle back on a low single burner, heating more water for more tea. “That’s why you come in here and tell me I’m not smart enough to be the Commander’s aide.”

“You’re taking this the wrong way.”

“How am I supposed to take it?” She whipped her head around. “You said people who want to be commanders are brilliant. What am I supposed to think?”

“That you’re like me, all right? We’re both soldiers, that’s what we do. We fight, we don’t worry about anything bigger than that. We care about people. We’re the same, right? I like that about you!”

“Oh, right. You like me because I remind you of you.” She shook her head and whispered something to herself that sounded an awful lot like ‘Nifa was right.’

“I’m not doing this girl shit with you,” Levi said. “This nasty—”

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Petra whirled around, but he wouldn’t stop.

“—nasty, petty, angry bullshit that twists all my words into ways to make me the asshole, all right? I don’t want you to stop being who you are for me, or Erwin, or anyone!”

“How do you know what I want to be?” she snapped.

“Because I’ve spent time with you, for fuck’s sake. I know you. You didn’t join the Corps for Erwin, you joined it for me.”

All of Petra’s bluster faded. In fact, she slumped down into a chair. Levi sat down across from her. Okay. Good. The yelling shit was done.

Or so he thought. Because now it was time for the thing he hated worse than the yelling: the my-voice-is-quiet-but-only-because-I’m-too-angry-to-yell thing.

“You are the most self-absorbed man I have ever known,” she said quietly. Levi decided not to say anything in reply, both because he didn’t know what to say and he didn’t want to turn the table over. That would look very bad right now. “You really think my entire life… You…”

“You told me yourself you joined because you saw me,” he said. It was the fucking truth, even if she didn’t like it. He crossed his arms, felt himself sulking like a child. But damn it, they were doing this.

“I wanted you the moment I saw you.” Her voice did not waver. Her eyes were cold. “I did. But do you really think I went through three years of training, worked to get to the top of my class, and turned down the Military Police to spend my life nearly getting killed by monsters just because I wanted _you_?”

Levi hated it when people did this. When they made him question his own reality. He did not speak, he just let her snarl at him. He knew if he tried talking now, he’d be going in on the losing foot. Best to wait until the power was back in his favor.

“You inspired me, yes. I wanted you. But I never really believed I could ever _have_ you! I’ve been doing this for three years because it’s the only way I can ever feel like I did something meaningful with my life.” She shook her head, appalled at him. “If Moblit said he entered the Corps because he saw Squad Leader Hange, you wouldn’t ever believe he did it solely because he wanted to be with her. Why is it men _never_ do anything that’s just for love, but women apparently do it all the time?”

“Are you done chewing my ass out yet?” he grunted. She pushed away from the table, getting as far from him as she could.

“Yes. _Sir._ ”

“Good. Then I’m sorry I insulted you.” He liked that she appeared surprised by his apology. “I’m sorry I thought you were upset about me. I get it. I do. I got you dragged through hell last month, and those marks don’t fade right away. I’m sorry I was a dick to you when I broke things off. If that’s been hurting you, then I hope it stops now. Okay?”

She breathed out slowly. “Okay.”

“Is there anything you want to talk about right now that’ll make you feel better?”

Clearly she had not anticipated him to be this reasonable. Petra blustered as she stared at the table.

“Um. No. Thank you.”

“Okay.” He stood. “Then tell Erwin he’s a shithead for keeping me waiting, and I’ll see him tomorrow.” He turned and made for the door. Hand on the knob, he looked back at Petra. She was now standing by the wall, all official again. “Congratulations, Ral. I know you’ll do a great job.”

“I… Thank you, sir.”

He left the room and walked down the stairs, listening to the boards creak with his weight. He’d done it. He’d gained the upper hand again, thrown her off guard. That girl didn’t know who she was playing with. Levi was still in control. He was still—

“ _Fuck_.”

He nearly put his foot through the wall, instead electing to slam his fists against it a few times. He pressed his forehead to the cool plaster, breathing out the anger. That hadn’t gone the way he wanted it to. He didn’t even know what he’d wanted, but it hadn’t been that. Sure as shit not. Levi stumbled down the last few steps and walked out into the corridor. The winter cold bit him to the bone, and he finally remembered he’d left his damn coat back upstairs.

He hesitated, debating whether or not to go back. Finally, he decided he wouldn’t give this kid such power over him. He swept back up the steps and opened Erwin’s door without knocking.

“Sorry,” he said, “forgot my—”

He came to a grinding halt. Petra had collapsed into a chair, and was leaning over with her face in her hands. She bawled, her shoulders heaving with the effort. She took one-two-three little huffs of breath, then wailed even louder. She was heartbroken. She was in agony.

Levi didn’t know what the fuck to do, so he closed the door and stepped nearer.

“Um. Petra,” he croaked. She was so lost in tears she didn’t seem to hear him. Levi glanced around the room, as if hoping someone else were here and could tell him what to say next. He caught his own reflection in a mirror, saw how pale-faced and wide-eyed he was. He half expected his reflection to slam its palms up against the glass and yell at him, asking what the fuck to do. Levi could only shake his head in response.

“Petra?” he said, louder. That finally got to her. Sniffling, she looked at him. Her whole face was swelling with the tears, her eyes red. Her nose was shiny, and she wiped the back of her hand across it. Levi was so horrified and saddened that he almost forgot to feel grossed out. “Look. Petra.”

With a wail, she got to her feet and advanced on him. Levi stood and took it as she shoved at him again and again. He planted his feet—she barely moved him an inch—but he didn’t try to stop her as she batted him lightly around the ears. Petra knew how to throw a good punch when she wanted to, so he knew she wasn’t looking to hurt him. It was pure frustration leaking out. He stood and took it.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently when she finally stopped shoving at his shoulders. She gripped him by the arms and leaned forward, not touching him. Her hair fell into her face, and she gasped and kept sobbing.

“You’re such an asshole,” she wept. She keened as he settled her back down into a chair, as he knelt before her. He kept one hand over both of hers, squeezed her arm. Petra tilted back her head and let him see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Wh-Why?”

“I know. I _am_ an asshole. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He rubbed her arm.

“I just…hurt so much.” She started breathing deeply, slowly. She was coming out of it. “And y-you insulted me.”

He had enough sense not to argue over what constituted an insult, and besides she wasn’t totally wrong. Levi had gone about this entirely the wrong way. Every single step he’d made was wrong. He was no good at this people shit. He’d known that he was making all the wrong moves as he was doing them, had wanted to do better, but it’d been like riding an out of control horse. He’d been snappy when he should have been inquisitive, harsh when he needed to be gentle.

“This is why you do better without me.” He meant it to tease, but she just appeared listless.

“Yes. I suppose.”

“You do better without me, Pet.” He placed a hand on her back. Pet. He had barely ever called her that. “I was a shithead with how I ended things, but it was the right thing to do for you.”

“I know,” she said softly. She sounded convinced. Utterly convinced. Insultingly convinced.

“Oh.”

“I…I love you,” she said to her hands. The words filled him with white hot joy, but then she continued. “But we’re not good together. I make you unstable. You do the same for me.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly it.” These were just the words he needed to hear, after all. He told himself that.

“I was thinking.” Petra sniffed hard. “I’m not upset with you because of what happened in the underground or anything. No one could have predicted how that would turn out. But from the night of the ball to the day we ended things, how many bad fights did we have? How many times did you try to turn me away?”

“Well. Look.” But she was already counting.

“Right after we kissed the first time, at the Morgenstern ball. Then we had that argument in the stables. Then right after we found each other again underground, we had that fight. And then you pulled away the next morning. And look, I know when I left you after…after I shot Sofia, I…” Her voice began to waver again. “I know what I said to you was so mean and awful, and I’m _sorry_. But I never know when you’re going to push me away when something goes wrong. Because I got shot, and—”

“Petra.”

“I got shot and kept thinking about the life we were going to have together, and then as soon as I got out of bed you ended it and I—” She wailed anew, burying her face in her hands. Levi rubbed circles in her back, feeling numb and empty as she spoke. “I can’t… I couldn’t keep worrying about when or why you’d pull away again. You didn’t even give us a chance to talk about it! You just told me! You just—” Again she dissolved into incoherent sobs.

Oh, he was a bastard. He’d had the audacity to come in here and tell her to stop insulting him, to even insinuate she wasn’t the right fit for a place at Erwin’s side. Levi’s own incompetence as a human being was breathtaking, but he never saw it so clearly as when he was at this sweet, gentle girl’s side.

“It was all my fault. Not yours,” he whispered. “Everything that’s gone wrong started with me. I was weak back at the ball when I told you how I felt. None of this would’ve happened if I’d kept my mouth shut.”

“I didn’t want you to,” she murmured.

“No, but you needed me to. I was too selfish,” he said. He touched her cheek, brought her face up. She sniffled; he felt the damp of her tears on his palm. “You need to be with someone who isn’t so fucked he’d ever choose any other human being over you. I didn’t say it right when I ended things, but that part was true. It _is_ true. I should put you over Erwin. I would if I were the right man for you. You’re the most beautiful, wonderful…fuck.” No, shit, not like that. Not like she was just a perfect fuck, more like… _fuck_. He all but stammered. “You’re the greatest woman I know. I just wish I could stop fucking everything up.”

She sniffed, and nodded. “You don’t fuck everything up. You’re a really wonderful man.” He couldn’t let her see how good those words made him feel. She looked at him with kind eyes again. “I didn’t mean it when I said you were self-absorbed. I’m just so tired of getting angry like this.”

“I know.”

“That’s why I know you’re right.” She slipped a handkerchief from her dress pocket and daintily blew her nose. “I think we can love each other but not be right for each other.”

That was just what he’d wanted to hear. So why did it make him so fucking depressed?

“Well. I don’t think it’s that we can’t get along,” he said bluntly. “We get along fine when we’re not arguing.” Most people did, of course, but whatever. “It’s… It’s just that I can’t make you a priority in the way I should.”

“What do you mean?” She seemed honestly confused.

“I mean…you know.” Clearly she didn’t. “Like I just said. I’ll always choose Erwin over you.”

“I know.” She said it like she expected there to be more to that sentence.

“So. I can’t come home to someone when I can’t make them the most important—”

“Come home?” Now she seemed confused. And that was making Levi confused.

“Like at the end of a long day.”

“I just don’t understand why _you’d_ come home to _me_ if we both were in the Survey Corps. Wouldn’t we go home together?”

What was this nitpicking bullshit?

“You know what I’m saying.”

“But I don’t. I was never going to be sitting at the window waiting for you to come home.”

“I…I can’t put a family before this mission. I can’t.”

Now Petra looked truly confused. “We don’t have children.”

“No. I mean—”

“I would love to be a mother, but I wasn’t planning on it when I joined the Corps. Honestly, I gave up the idea of having kids when I turned down the Military Police. It’s the Survey Corps. I don’t expect to make it to thirty-five. Ninety six percent of us won’t. We all know that.” She looked kind of flabbergasted, genuinely shocked. “Did… Do you want to have kids?”

“No.” It was a simple and honest answer for him. Levi liked brats, always had, and in a better world he would’ve loved to be a father. But this was no better world. Honestly, he’d just kind of assumed that Petra _would_ want them. Had he wanted her to? And if so, why?

Fuck, this was too much thinking. He felt kind of sick.

“Then we wouldn’t have a family. You wouldn’t have to worry about picking someone else over them.”

“No, but… Hold on. Do you want to get back together?”

“Why would you think that?” Again, genuine surprise.

“It just seems like you’re telling me all the shit you think I’d want to hear, like you don’t mind I choose Erwin over you, or you don’t want to have kids.”

Again, anger smoldered in her eyes. “This sounds an awful lot like you think all my choices revolve around you.”

“Can we stop arguing?”

“We’re not. I’m not.”

“It feels like it.”

She sighed. “This really is why we shouldn’t be together.”

“Then it’s a good thing we’re not.” He heard how short he was getting. Levi grabbed his coat and pulled it on. “I’m going to fucking break both of Erwin’s legs. Tell him that for me.”

“You think he’s late on purpose?” she asked as Levi walked back to the door.

“Of course he is. He wants us to talk like this.”

“But why?”

“You’re not stupid Petra. He wants us to…” Levi buttoned his coat slowly, searching for words. “He wants us to realize we don’t work. Like you said. He wants us to get it all out in the open and put it behind us.”

Petra scoffed. “I don’t mind when you’re violent as much as I hate when you lie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Did you suddenly get a peek into my head, is that what’s going on?” He drew nearer to her again, while she blew out the single burner. The kettle had begun to sing, and she poured a steaming line of water into a teapot.

“You know Commander Erwin better than anyone! Do you really think he’d put us together like this just to make us miserable?”

“Of course not, but he’s a manipulative little weasel. He’s a manipulative weasel who looks like a fucking lion, so no one notices what a shit he can be. I know that because I know him. You don’t.”

“I think I know him better than you imagine,” she muttered.

“Trust me. Erwin puts on a face for the rest of the world. Only Hange and me know the real him. Well, maybe Mike, too. And Nanaba. Maybe. But the fucker’s always playing games. He’s always got some new bet going. He doesn’t want to hurt either of us, but he’ll make us suffer now if he thinks we’ll feel better for it later.”

Petra passed him a cup that he did not drink.

“Do you think he wanted me to train as his executive officer just so I could be here when you arrived? So we could have this talk?” she asked.

“Look, you’d do better on Hange’s squad. We both know it. He knows it.”

“So after we end this tonight, he’ll walk in here and…what? Tell me he’s not really giving me the position? I’m not sure I’d ever call the Commander _bitchy_.”

No. No, Erwin wasn’t a bitch. A giant golden asshole, maybe. Probably.

“You think it’s a coincidence he’s still not here?”

“No.” She frowned into her cup. “But I think he likes to kill two titans with one blow whenever he can.”

Well that…did sound an awful lot like Erwin. Maybe Petra understood the Commander better than Levi had anticipated. Tch. What a nuisance. He looked into the tea and saw a wavering reflection of himself glaring back up.

“You wanted to be on Hange’s squad, anyway,” he muttered.

“If I have to choose a squad that isn’t yours, yes. But I want to be the Commander’s aide most of all.” She worried her hands. “He asked me when I came back here where I wanted to go. I said I’d go wherever he thought I was most useful. He asked what I wanted to be remembered for the most. I knew what he was getting at; Hange’s squad has the most scientific soldiers. I’m not that.” She glanced up at Levi. “But it’s like you said. I like people. And after all we went through together…” She swallowed. “I realized maybe I _had_ just been living in your shadow. All I wanted was to devote myself to you.” Her voice faltered; he held his breath. “But when that wasn’t an option anymore, I started to think. I told him maybe hospital work, but I know I’m not really a doctor. He thought so, too. So he asked me if I wanted to consider training for leadership. At the time, I had no idea he meant being his aide. I told him yes, Levi. I said I wanted to try something new. I want to grow up a little. I want to stop yelling at Oruo, or following you everywhere.” Her chin quivered. “I can’t go back to the person I was a month ago. She’s gone now. And he saw that.”

Erwin had looked at Petra Ral and determined the best new position for her. Erwin had been thinking about Petra, and about humanity. And Levi had made it all about himself. How much of an asshole could he be?

“I was wrong,” he said gruffly. “About Erwin using you to get us together. That was a shitty thing for me to say.”

“It’s all right. So.” She wiped her eyes and folded her hands around her cup. “I think you’re right about one thing. I think he wanted to let us understand each other. Do we now?”

“Yeah. I think we do.” He gazed at her. Even with her eyes puffed and red, she was beautiful. Being this near to her again, listening to the sweet lilt of her voice, it was everything he’d missed.

This was why he’d sped through their break up the way he had. He’d known that if he spent time talking to her, reasoning with her, that she’d wear him down and make him realize he couldn’t do without _this_.

And he couldn’t. Could he?

“Good.” She gave a gentle smile. “Then you don’t have anything to feel bad about now.”

She’d absolved him. He was free.

And alone.

“Listen.” Levi cleared his throat. “If you ever need to talk more about this, you come find me. All right?” He stood, his legs feeling like rubber beneath him. “You’re Erwin’s aide now. Your rank’s almost the same as mine. There’s no reason we can’t be friends.”

“I’d like that.”

She would be his friend. His real friend. And Yuri would be her…

“Anything else?” he muttered. He wanted to have a reason to keep talking. He needed a reason to stay in this room. She appeared kindly puzzled by his question.

“No. No, I think that’s it.” She paused. “Something tells me the Commander isn’t coming to this meeting.” She laughed gently.

“Yeah. I’m really gonna kick his ass for him. I’ll see him tomorrow, I suppose.” Levi rebuttoned his coat; he still felt so cold. Petra nodded. “So. Maybe we could all talk strategy some night soon.”

“I’d like that.”

“Good. Good.” Levi fluffed his cravat and drained his cup. “Hey, I can walk you home now if you like. Let Erwin clean up his own mess.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks flushed. “Thank you. I’d say yes, but… Um.”

_Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t fucking ask._

“Got a date?” His voice did not crack. Petra turned pure scarlet as she nodded.

“Yes. Yuri is picking me up in about half an hour. It’s not an important date,” she said quickly. “I mean, we’re only going for a quick walk to the bridge.”

“It’s the middle of winter.”

“It’s frozen now. The ice is beautiful under the moon.”

_Great spot for a first kiss. Real romantic._

“Well. You kids have a good time,” he said. Petra looked softly relieved.

“We will, sir. Levi. Thank you.”

“Sure. See you tomorrow.”

He nodded to her, and she nodded back. He left and walked slowly down the stairs, listening to the steady, rhythmic thumps of his footsteps. He would go back to his room and lie on his bed, and he would close his eyes as the clock struck the hour and Yuri came to collect Petra, and Levi would let her go. He hit the bottom of the stairs and let himself recapture all the little bits of her from his memory. Laughing, moaning, crying and arguing, kissing him and planning with him. She’d forgiven him his cruelty. She was his friend, and would always be. She had bloomed outside of his shadow. She was her own woman now.

_I helped you grow. You did the same for me._

And that was that. He was too old for a lifetime with her, but he’d been young enough to learn from her.

It had all ended happily. As happily as it could.

Yuri was a good kid. Anyone could see it.

Levi sighed as he faced the long walk back to his room.

He sighed as he stuck his hand into his right pocket.

He closed his eyes, sighed again, and walked.

He walked back up the stairs.

He walked back to Erwin’s door.

He did not knock, only flung it open. Petra leapt to her feet, baffled as he kicked the door closed behind him.

“Levi? What’s wr—?”

He closed the distance between them, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her. The moment his lips touched hers again, it was as if the pain and the anxiety drained from his body. These past few dull weeks evaporated. He felt light. She groaned with surprise as he kissed her again, harder, as he wrapped an arm around the small of her back, as he pressed her chest to his. He could feel her heart. He grunted as he tasted her lips—they were sweet from the tea—and as he sank to the floor and pulled her down with him. He had her across his lap, kissing her so fiercely it was almost as if hate had mixed with love.

When Levi finally broke for air, Petra looked absolutely livid. She’d gone white, with two pale red spots appearing in her cheeks. Was she angry or aroused? Or both? He could take both.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she hissed. Levi responded by bringing his mouth down on hers again, his tongue thrusting once between her lips. Petra wrenched her mouth from his, turned her face away. He let her, but he did not let her go. She lay across his lap as he held her tight. “You…you asshole!”

He had nothing to say to that. She was right. She sat up, though he still held onto her. Petra gasped as she struggled against him. She pushed to free herself, fire flashing in her eyes now. She was getting angrier and angrier. But still, he held her.

“I can’t believe you,” she huffed as Levi reached into his pocket. “You think you can just walk back in here after everything and—”

Levi held up his hand, the topaz gleaming in his palm.

Petra stopped moving, blinked at the jewel like she didn’t know what it was.

“Wh-Where did you—?”

“Remember how Erwin just ‘magically’ managed to retrieve the gold?” he asked. Petra nodded. “Well, it wasn’t the MPs doing us a favor. We really got it back from Kenny.”

“Kenny?! He _gave_ us the gold? Why?”

“No clue, but he showed up at the Boar’s Field when we were on our way back and just handed the case over. He gave me this as well. Must’ve gone back for it after I left it in that room underground.” He proffered the jewel to her. Petra swallowed, but did not take it.

“And you’ve had it?”

“I’ve kept it in my coat pocket for weeks. I keep telling myself to pawn it somewhere, or at least to put it away in a drawer and never look at it again. But I can’t. Because every time I touch it, I think of you,” he growled. Petra’s eyes fluttered closed. Her brow furrowed.

“No. No,” she whispered.

“Look at me. Please.” She did. “I…” Levi was a man of few good words, but he needed them now. He needed to say exactly what he felt. If he couldn’t do this right now, he would lose her forever. “I made a mistake,” he muttered. “I thought I could let you go.”

“What if I _want_ to be let go?” Her anger was growing again.

“But you don’t.”

“Oh _fuck you_.” She wiggled away to give herself some distance, though he noticed she didn’t try to entirely break free. “I have a life of my own now, and you can’t stand it!”

“I’m not going to waste whatever time we have left in this miserable world pretending to be happy while you go off with some pimple faced brat.”

“Oh. So that’s what this is about?” She gave a short, mirthless laugh and rolled her eyes. “Of course. You’re like a dog pissing on its favorite tree.” She appeared truly disgusted. “Get off me.” Now she shoved in earnest, so he let her go. Petra stood and yanked her clothes back into order. He stood as well, still holding out the topaz. “I don’t want that!” she snapped.

“You do. Don’t be a lying coward, Petra.”

“After everything you’ve done to me, you want to call me _that?_ ” Her voice pitched higher. She was angrier than he’d yet seen her. She might try really punching or kicking him now. Well, not that Levi didn’t deserve it.

“I’m a dick. I’m stupid. I’m hateful. I’m not good enough for you.” He made the list easily as he approached her. “But when I went down the stairs just now, I realized that I was happier when we were fighting up here than I’d ever be just on my own. And you were right. You’re not that wide-eyed kid anymore.” He took her hand and placed the topaz in it. She looked down at the jewel warily, though she didn’t try to shove it away. “You can handle truth, even if it’s ugly. So let me tell you the truth.” He took a deep breath. “I will always choose humanity over you.”

“I know.” She wouldn’t look at him.

“I will never marry you.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll never have children with you. I’m not going to be the man with a satisfying home life.”

“I know that.”

“Good.” He took her face in his hands and tilted up her chin. She let him, her amber eyes searching his. She still appeared cold, but at least she was listening. “But if you can accept all that, then I will only ever be yours.”

She moved away from him. She cradled the topaz.

“It’s too late, Levi.”

His temples throbbed.

“It’s not.”

“I’m saying it is.”

“Then give me the jewel back.”

Petra instinctively held it to her stomach. Good.

“Do you need me on my damn knees?” No one had ever seen Levi like that—well, no one except Erwin, when he’d ridden Levi down in the underground that one day. Mike had forced Levi to his knees in front of the Commander. Levi had stayed in that humiliating position to spare his friends. But he had never fallen to the ground before anyone of his own volition. So far, he hadn’t even done that for Erwin.

So he did it now.

“Oh!” Petra gasped as he knelt at her feet. He took her hands, brought his chapped lips to them. “Levi. You don’t have to—”

“I do,” he growled. He pressed his forehead against her fingers. “We are both going to die young. We can’t make lots of time for each other. It won’t be a normal relationship. Your parents’ll hate it. You’ll get frustrated with me. And you’ll have to deal with the fact that I’m a crazy old man.” He gripped her wrists. “But the one thing I will never, ever, _ever_ do again is push you away. I’ll make you crazy. I’ll be high strung, and crass, and you won’t have any fun taking me to parties. But I’ll love you. Whatever time I have outside of slaughtering the titans will go to you. I’ll never leave your side.”

“Levi…”

“We’re not going to live a long, happy life together, Petra.” He stood again, got so close their noses touched. “But the way I feel about you is the only happy thing I have. I don’t want to throw it away again.”

“Levi.” She shook her head, her chin quivered; she was on the verge of tears. “I…I want to believe that…”

He kissed her forehead. He kissed her temple. But she shied from him again, all but plucking his heart from his chest as she moved.

“You say all of these things now because you don’t want it to be over between us, but then something will go wrong again. You’ll push me away,” Petra said.

That was a reasonable fear. He was asking her to take this on faith, when he’d proven again and again how broken he could be.

“All I need is one last chance. Petra, if you can’t feel the same way, or if you’re too tired of this shit then that’s fine. But if any part of you would regret not trying again—”

“It’s impossible to really make a choice with no regrets,” she muttered.

_No one can live without regret_ , Erwin had said. You can’t learn without regret, or grow. Levi was not one for growth, physical or otherwise. But he could try. He could try.

“That’s true. But what’ll you regret right now? This moment? What’ll feel worse?”

She looked at him with quiet sympathy, and he felt fear shiver to his core. That was the look of someone who’s grown past her childhood crush.

“You’re such a piece of shit, sir,” she murmured.

Fuck. Was that the answer? Levi tried to work out what to do next as Petra placed the topaz onto the table. She was… Was she giving it back?

“Well.” Levi swallowed. “If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”

“It’s mine now,” she said haughtily. While he tried to figure out how to respond, she came right over to him in that crisp, efficient manner of hers. She put her arms around his neck. She kissed him once, clean and precise. It was so brief, so perfunctory that he thought it might be a parting gift. Something to remember her by. When Levi strained forward for more, she tilted her head away. Shit. “I’m still deciding,” she said thoughtfully.

He imagined he’d explode if another minute of this passed.

“Fuck that.”

Petra squealed as he lifted her into his arms and carried her across Erwin’s room.

“What are you—?”

“If you don’t want it, tell me to stop. Go on. Otherwise, you’re going to be mine,” he growled. His vision seemed to shake, his heart going so fast there were moments he could scarcely feel it. He stood over the bed with her still in his arms. “Well?”

She made a soft, incredulous noise. Then her eyes fluttered closed; she resigned herself to him.

“Levi,” she whispered.

“That’s right,” he said, and tossed her onto the bed.

“ _Ow! Fuck!_ ” Petra cried, yowling as she landed on a goddamn small pile of books. Levi swore as he knelt down, rolled her over, and started collecting the large, hardcover volumes that Erwin had decided to stack in the center of his mattress like a goddamn wild animal.

“Shit. Baby, I’m sorry. I can’t believe that idiot. How does he live?” Levi put the books on the floor, then instinctively stacked them according to size. Erwin didn’t have much space in here, for fuck’s sake. What, did he forget he didn’t have a maid? Tch. Once a rich brat, always a rich brat.

Petra rubbed at her tailbone as Levi climbed up onto the bed. He meant to seductively cuddle in close to her. Unfortunately, she shifted at the wrong moment and he landed neatly on top of her stomach.

“Ack!” That was a cry of pain. Fuck, was he going to end up accidentally murdering her before this was over?

“Sorry. Sorry.” He gingerly rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. “You okay?”

“My stitches aren’t out yet.” She placed a hand on her stomach and sighed. “It’s okay. It’s just tender.”

“Fuck. It’d be just like me to rupture your goddamn stomach,” he muttered.

“Oh? Does this mean you’re going to blame yourself and promise never to see me again so I don’t get hurt?” She fluttered her lashes at him; what a bad parody of innocence.

“You,” he snarled, leaning nearer.

“You,” she repeated.

He kissed her. She kissed him back. And all the rest of it, all the shit evaporated. Petra gave a soft, delicate moan against his mouth. He moaned back. Slowly, he let his hand travel along her side to her shoulder, and then down just a tad to her breast. Levi felt himself harden as he squeezed. She was separated from his hand by only a thin layer of cloth…

“We can’t,” Petra said breathlessly. “What if Commander Erwin comes back?”

“He’s kept me waiting this long,” Levi muttered. He kissed the spot right between her eyebrows. Petra smelled of fading roses. Some new scent? Levi didn’t tend to like roses, but he liked these. “We can keep ourselves occupied,” he whispered against the curve of her cheek.

“I’m not having sex with you on this bed,” she said daintily. “I couldn’t if I wanted to. The stitches.”

“How far can we go?”

“Kissing’s good for me right now. For you?”

“Considering where we were twenty minutes ago, kissing’s more than enough.”

And it was. He kissed her, and she kissed him, and he forgot everything except her lips and tongue and breath. Eventually his hand slid from her breast to her skirt, which he rucked up to expose the soft line of her thigh. Levi laid his hand on that soft, delicate flesh, tracing circles with his fingertips. Petra moaned so audaciously as he touched her there, it was all he could do to remember they weren’t fucking tonight.

“Please stop making those noises,” he said hoarsely. She bumped her nose against his and kissed his chin.

“What’ll you do if I don’t obey? You’re not my direct commanding officer anymore.”

“Oh, you like this “executive aide to the Commander” thing. Don’t you?”

Petra grinned. “It’s got its benefits.” She looked over at the table. “Get my topaz?”

He clambered off of her to get the stone, then came and lay back down beside her. He rested the jewel atop her chest, watched it rise and fall with her breathing. Petra touched it with those delicate fingers of hers.

“I, Petra Ral, solemnly swear to never marry you or have children with you or put our love before humanity,” she said softly. “And I swear to never be with any other man.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds—”

“True. That’s why I like it.” She nuzzled his cheek. “I was thinking about those few days in Mitras. They were perfect, but they weren’t real. We’re never going to be that free.”

True. Those dreams of a house in the country with a sunlit window, of Petra and him running a tea shop together, those were fantasies of someone else’s life. Maybe there was a strange, alternate universe out there where they owned some cute little café, but it was not this reality. Never would be.

“No. We can’t be that free,” he said.

“Maybe once in a while, just now and then, we can pretend to be those people? Like we have no big problems?” She looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Once in a while, yes. It’ll get me through the bad times.” He kissed her. Her body was so soft and warm beneath his, and so fragile. So easy to break her, to kill her. No matter how much he prepared to lose her, the idea of a titan smashing her like a fly, ending Levi’s happiness in one quick movement, it was debilitating. “You working with Erwin has its perks, really. He almost never goes into the direct action. He’ll keep you safe.”

“ _I’ll_ keep _him_ safe,” she said coyly. Petra giggled when he nipped her earlobe. “Don’t hurt me,” she said, a gentle plea, so unsure. He closed his eyes, pressed his forehead to hers.

“I won’t. I swear.”

“You really changed your mind about us just because you hated the idea of Yuri taking me to the bridge?”

Well, the Yuri thing hadn’t helped, but…

“You’ve got to be patient with me, Petra. I’m not a good man.” He traced a finger along her cheek. “A man like me doesn't deserve you. It’s been hard getting past that.”

“You _are_ good,” she murmured. She kissed his hand. “You’re just far from perfect. But that’s all right.”

“Speaking of Yuri, shouldn’t he be getting here soon? Maybe we should straighten up.” _And then I can tell him to fuck off because you’re mine and it’s his loss, the little shithead._

All right, maybe Levi was being a little territorial about Petra, but who could fucking blame him?

“Oh. Yuri. Um.” Petra’s awkward silence and deepening blush caught him off guard.

“Wait. Yuri’s coming, isn’t he?”

She winced. “I… I may have made up the part about having a date.”

“You little shit.” He grinned, too relieved to be mad. Petra screwed up her mouth.

“I felt so sad that we’d officially ended things, I didn’t want to have to walk back to my room with you. It would’ve been too painful!”

“So there was nothing going on between you two? I should’ve known.”

“Well…” Petra looked a bit smug. “He tried to kiss me last night.”

Lightning splintered his body.

“Oh?” Levi said through his teeth. Petra scoffed.

“Don’t look at me like that. I told him I wasn’t ready to be with anyone.”

“Still not ready?” He kissed down the line of her throat as Petra sighed.

“Miss Hange says there’s an exception to every rule.”

“Miss Hange’s a dumbass, but she’s a smart dumbass.” He slid his leg between hers and molded himself over her as best he could, making sure not to put pressure on her stomach. Petra sighed in his embrace. “I nearly made the biggest mistake of my damn life,” he mused.

“So did I.” Petra shut her eyes. “I didn’t tell you what I was going to say.”

“Huh?” Then he remembered: during the parade in Mitras, when they’d still been on the outs with each other, she’d said there was something she wanted to tell him. “I assumed you wanted to say I was a fucking scumbag and you were better off without me.”

“Honestly, I told myself that’s what I _would_ say. But it wasn’t. Not really.” She looked at him with tears welling in her eyes. “I really wanted to say…that the days I’d spent with you were the happiest of my life. And I don’t want to be without you, even if it hurts worse to stay with you.”

Neither of them had any ultimate say in how long they’d have together. In their line of work, no one could make guarantees. But then again, who could? Merchants could keel over from heart attacks; kings could drown in their own duck ponds. This whole shitty existence was a gamble. Better to sit down and play the hand you had.

“I’m going to drive you insane, kid. Not always in a good way. But I will never, ever hurt you like this again. You have my word. And I’m good for my word.”

“I know.” Petra sighed. She nuzzled. She kissed. And he kissed back. And they melted together, giving and taking from each other, losing time in each other’s embrace. And Levi did not cry, because he did not ever cry, but he felt that warm lump in his chest that he hadn’t known in decades. It was the feeling of safety. It was the promise of love that didn’t have to be bought, that didn’t require anything in order to simply exist. It was enough. He was enough for it. And that thought nearly undid him.

“Levi,” Petra whispered, gasping as his hand slid a big further up her silken leg.

“Ah. Petra,” he groaned.

The door swung open.

“Sorry I’m late, the time got away from m—oh my god,” Erwin said.

The door swung shut on the picture of Erwin’s best friend and his aide rolling on top of each other. In Erwin’s bed.

It was kind of funny, really.

Levi glanced over his shoulder while Petra shrieked and fussed at her clothes. _Hey. This is why it’s important to always be on time._

“Erwin, get back in here. We’re decent.” Levi fluffed his cravat and smoothed down his hair as Erwin reentered. The tall man looked as chiseled and stoic as ever, so the bright blush plastered across his cheeks and forehead _really_ was hilarious.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Petra squeaked.

“Not at all. I’m happy you’re not fighting.” Erwin made for the table, taking particular care not to look either of them in the eye. “At least, I _hope_ that wasn’t fighting,” he murmured, then cursed as he tripped over the pile of books by his bed. “Levi. Could you please put these back where you found them?” Erwin glared at the captain, who just shrugged.

“Get another bookcase.”

Petra moaned in soft horror, shielding her face behind her hands. Erwin’s mouth twitched in a suppressed smile.

He put the books back on the bed by himself.

“So.” Levi sat at the table. “You got a third cup, or what?”

 

“You sure about this?” Levi asked as Petra tugged at his arm. They left the barracks and crunched out into the moonlit snow. Levi cast his eyes up to Erwin’s lighted window. He wondered if the Commander could see them now, Levi and his girl hustling off into the frigid dark on some idiotic romantic whim.

“I lied about going with Yuri, but the river’s ice _is_ beautiful in the moonlight.” Petra snuggled close to him as they walked, and Levi forgot to be cold or tired. He kissed the side of her head, not giving a shit if any people or stray alley cats saw them. He wasn’t going to flaunt this relationship—flaunting wasn’t his style—but he sure as shit wasn’t going to hide it, either. Petra hummed thoughtfully.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Commander Erwin,” she said as they hurried towards the bridge.

“What about him?”

“We’d never have had that long conversation if it hadn’t been for him, would we?”

No. They would not. Both Levi and Petra were too proud and nervous to approach the other like that. To force the other to sit in a room with no way to leave, simmering in unspoken feelings until they finally let it all out.

“Suppose not.”

“He’s like…” Petra grew thoughtfully silent as they wandered up onto the bridge. The ice glittered in the moonlight. Beautiful, even though the temperature was, like, one fucking degree. Levi’s chin and the tip of his nose had gone numb. But with Petra in his arms, the cold wasn’t all that noticeable.

“He’s like what? Like a giant asshole for setting us up this way?”

“Like some good fairy in a story,” she mused. Petra turned to him. Her eyes gleamed like jewels. Like the topaz now resting snug in her pocket. “He brought us back together.”

“Erwin’s a lot of things, Petra. But he’s not some magic being who does sweet shit for the fun of it.”

Petra tsked. He laid his hand against her cheek.

“You don’t think he’s a romantic at heart?” She fluttered her lashes as he went in to kiss her.

“I’m not thinking about him much right now.”

As they kissed, a cloud covered the moon and the ice lost its sparkle. But neither of them noticed.

***

Erwin turned from his window when he saw Petra and Levi cross the barracks courtyard and head out on a walk. Honestly, a walk in the freezing cold? Madness.

Love could make a madman of anyone.

Erwin took the books from his bed and placed them in a pile next to his bookcase. He smiled as he glanced at the bed…then winced a little as he remembered Levi sprawled on top of the girl. At least they hadn’t…done anything. To Erwin’s knowledge.

He chuckled as he neatened up, readying himself for sleep. He put away the teacups. He hastily checked his portfolio of operetta sheet music: still in the right order. Good, Levi hadn’t rifled through it to show Petra. That could be embarrassing.

Erwin was not above such human emotions as embarrassment. Or irritation.

Or love.

He smiled, alone in his room. He smiled at the chair where Levi had often sat to go over their battle plans. The chair where Levi would always sit. He would not leave.

And neither would Petra.

Erwin was not losing anything. Well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. He had lost Levi’s undivided attention. He had lost that position of totality in his captain’s life.

And Erwin Smith would miss it. He was man enough to admit that. Tonight, he’d given away something that he would not get back.

Erwin had gained a loyal aide tonight, at least. His instincts towards Ral after the episode in Mitras had been correct. She was more focused and fierce than he’d known.

Erwin had seen Levi’s happiness with her, and for a moment there’d been that twinge of jealousy. Erwin knew that he himself would never experience that bliss. He’d chosen to give the possibility of such tenderness away many years ago.

Erwin had his moments of wistfulness, of doubt. Of sadness. He was only human, despite how he liked to present himself. Giving away Marie had been hard. Giving a part of Levi away was equally painful.

But Erwin would do it again if he had the choice. Because though he would never experience the kind of love that existed between his captain and aide, Erwin Smith was a man who loved deeply. He was a man who was loved deeply in return.

In that regard, he had no regrets at all.

Erwin poured water to wash, humming all the while.

_Oh, I am a simple farmer and I till and tithe and toil…_


	32. Chapter 32

**Two weeks later**

“To the future,” Eld said, clinking his mug against hers. Petra smiled as Gunther and Oruo echoed their second in command. More clinks, and then everyone drank. Petra coughed when she was done, and wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. If Levi could see this now, he’d be absolutely shocked. Disgusted, even. Tch, he’d say. He’d call her an undisciplined brat. And she would only shrug and smile slyly, waiting to be alone with him to tease him, to watch him fumble with his emotions as he took her into his arms.

“We’ll miss you, Pet,” Gunther said. His voice, as usual, was soft and reassuring. He spoke plainly where Oruo put on airs, or where Eld tried to play the part of a commander. Petra leant her head against Gunther’s shoulder for a second.

“I’ll miss you,” she said softly. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

“No. Of course not,” he replied, though they all knew it wasn’t the truth. Not really.

Around them, the tavern was prepping for its evening clientele. The four of them had come here a couple of hours ago, taking advantage of Petra’s last day of medical leave. Levi had permitted the boys to have the time. He’d made some surly faces about it, been gruff, but he’d understood.

It was the last time they’d raise glasses to one another as squad mates.

If she were honest, Petra had half-hoped that fate would intervene and find some way for her to have it all, to be Levi’s lover and his subordinate at the same time. But even if she’d wanted to do that—and she knew in her gut it wasn’t the right call—Commander Erwin had explicitly stated he would never allow it. He wasn’t a man for convention, the commander, but he was one for common sense. And Petra was truly proud to be serving him now on a more personal basis.

Still. She cherished these last minutes at the tavern with the three boys. Her boys. Petra stared into the dregs of her ale, and tried to hide the tears welling in her eyes.

“Tch. No need to get sentimental,” Oruo said. He stretched his arms over his head and thrust out his chest. “Give me a few more months, and all the titans’ll be gone. The Survey Corps will disband. We can all spend as much time down here as we want, as heroes.”

“Heroes? Plural? That’s generous of you,” Gunther said flatly. Eld grinned, flashing his canines, and Petra hid her laugh behind her hand.

Oruo scowled. “Tch. I _am_ generous. Women always say that—”

“How’re the new trainees looking?” Eld asked Petra, desperate to get away from Oruo’s generosity as a lover. Petra silently thanked him.

“The trainees look incredibly promising this year.” Petra smiled to recall the two days she’d spent with Keith Shadis overlooking the 104th. They were graduating in only a few months, and Erwin had wanted her to cast her eye upon them, looking for any potential assets for the Corps. Petra had a teacher’s eye, he said. He trusted her judgment. It’d been work, but not physically demanding. Petra had been happy to do it. “A couple of them really stand out. One girl in particular, Ackerman.” Petra whistled. The girl had been tall, dark, and with the most remote expression in her eyes. But with a blade in her hand… “She’s only fifteen, but you couldn’t believe how strong she was. She might even be a match for Levi one day.”

“Ah yes. _Levi_.” Eld grinned as Petra whacked his arm. “Sorry. I’ll never get over you using his name like that. Levi.” Eld looked at Gunther, hooded his eyes, and lowered his voice. “ _Levi_ ,” he said seductively.

“Eld!” Petra snapped.

“Llllllevi,” Gunther said, almost swirling the name around in his mouth like he were tasting it. He shook his dark head. “Nope. It’s too strange.”

“Don’t call the captain by his first name, you pigs!” Oruo shrieked. He glared at Eld, who was now laughing hard, his face turned to the ceiling. Even Petra couldn’t help but join in.

“The point is, there are a lot of good potential recruits.” Petra sighed. “But it’s hopeless to even think about Ackerman. She’ll be first in her class for sure, and she’d have to be a maniac to choose the Survey Corps over the Military Police.”

“A maniac like you and me?” Oruo pouted. “Now I know what you _really_ think about me, Petra.”

“Maniacs like us.” Eld nodded at Gunther. “We all were in the top ten. We all could’ve lounged around in the MPs all day. But here we all are.” He shrugged. “You never know.”

No. You never knew where life would take you. Petra was living proof of that.

Outside, the bells tolled four o clock. It was the middle of February, and the sun was already nearly down. Petra shivered, thinking how it would be dark in an hour when she and Levi would meet for the first time in _their_ room. She thought of the candles she would light, the fresh sheets on the bed…she thought of her now perfectly healed abdomen, and she thought of the trajectory of his fingers across her bare skin, and she sighed.

“I don’t want to know what you’re thinking about,” Eld said, raising an eyebrow. “That was a big sigh.”

“Er. Shut up, Eld.” Oruo turned beet red, and Eld stopped teasing Petra on the instant. They all understood, on an unspoken level, what Oruo might be feeling just now. He wasn’t a monk—he was already chasing Lynne around whenever he got the chance—but sensitivity was required.

“I’ve got to stop by the Commander’s office anyway. He might have some papers he wants me to take for tomorrow.” Petra tilted her glass this way and that. One more swallow of beer, and that would be that. Their last drink on the squad. Petra had spent the last couple of weeks mainly hanging around with the squad, cheering on Nifa and laughing at the boys’ antics. With her nearby, they hadn’t felt the separation. Now they would. Now it was real.

One last sip, and her old life would be gone.

“Well. Better be on your way, then,” Eld said gruffly. Petra was surprised to find the young man staring into his own mug. His handsome face was tight with some remote expression. He jutted out his chin.

“Well. I don’t have to go just yet,” she said. She grinned. “Don’t be sad, Eld.”

“I’m not.”

“When you were in the hospital, he said you were like his little sister.” Gunther laughed as Eld shot him a vengeful glare. “He got a little teary after practice yesterday.”

“Shut _up_ , man!”

Petra laughed and lightly punched Eld’s shoulder. He scowled and rubbed where she’d whacked him, but his smile returned a little. Hugging him would’ve been the wrong move, made him more emotional. Petra lifted her glass one last time.

“To the four of us,” she said. Even Oruo’s lip wobbled as he knocked mugs with her, and Gunther, and Eld.

“The four of us,” the guys repeated, and drank. And with that, it was over. Petra slid off the barstool, and they did the same. Everyone lingered by the table, dodging glances at one another. Waiting to see who’d break the spell first and leave. Well. Petra knew she had to be at Erwin’s quarters, so…

“I’ll see you,” she said to Oruo. He nodded stiffly, wouldn’t look at her.

“Yeah. See you.”

Then he hugged her, and she hugged him back. Gunther’s arms were around them, and she felt him drag Eld in for the hug as well. The four squad mates stayed locked like that for thirty seconds, maybe more. Petra could feel multiple heartbeats, cocooned in the safety of her friends. Then they pulled apart. She had to go.

“Say hi to _Leeeeviiiii_ for us,” Eld sang as she headed for the tavern door. Oruo blustered at the heresy of saying the captain’s name like that, and Gunther and Petra laughed. She laughed all the way into the snow, and brushed the last tear from her cheek as she did.

It was a brisk walk back through the fading afternoon to the barracks, but by the time she reached Erwin’s quarters her hands were numb and her cheeks tingling. Petra was grateful for the snugness of the Commander’s room. Starting tomorrow, they’d be meeting without fail in his office, and while it was grand it was also much colder than this.

“Petra. Come in,” the Commander said, opening the door when she knocked. Petra smiled as she entered and unwound her scarf, blowing on her fingers to warm them.

“Anything for me to take, sir?”

“Not just yet. I’ve almost finished the plans for the coming formation.” They both gazed at his table, with several papers scattered across it. The Commander had a steel trap of a mind, but could be untidy in his habits. Petra found half a cup of tea standing precariously at the table’s edge. Tsking unconsciously, she began to neaten the area while also casting an eye across the plans…though she quickly stopped herself and looked up almost apologetically.

“Sorry. Should I not see these?”

Erwin smiled gently. “I do like to have my plans in order before I dole out information; a lifelong habit of mine. Thank you, Petra. You intuit what I require very nicely.” He gave a soft laugh as he rolled up the plans and shelved them. “The hallmark of a good executive officer.”

Petra all but melted in relief. This position was far greater than she could’ve dreamed of or hoped for, but taking it had been a bit of a high wire act. It was walking out to the center of a weaker branch very high off the ground. If it didn’t work out, where would she go?

Then again, if she had Levi, she would always have a place to call home. That was enough.

The door opened, no knock.

“Erwin. Are you going to keep me waiting all day or what?” Levi entered in unmistakably grumpy fashion. When he saw Petra his eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but that was the sole emotion he expressed. “Oi. Why’re you working, Ral? I thought you were off with the guys.”

“We just wrapped up. I wanted to check for anything last minute,” she said easily. Neither of them blushed or stammered or kissed when in Erwin’s presence, or anyone else’s when on duty. Affection was for stolen moments, for private, for precious hours on the streets of Trost with nothing to do. Most of the time, Petra and Levi did not act like lovers. It was the simple nature of their reality, and one she had accepted.

“Well, off you go. I need to discuss strategy with Erwin.” Levi made himself comfortable in a chair. Petra tried not to react to the news, but she was sure she looked a bit disappointed. After all, this had been her and Levi, well, their night. Their first night of private life. She’d…she’d made a few special arrangements.

“I’m sorry, Petra.” Erwin sounded genuine. “I have to bring the new plans to Zackley directly tomorrow. Levi’s approval can’t wait.”

“I understand.” She also knew Levi would not sign off on anything just in order to rush away and get laid. He’d be painstaking with this. He’d sit here as long as was required in order to do his duty by his comrades. He was brutally conscientious, as always. “I’ll be on my way home. Thank you, sir. Good night.”

“Good night, Petra.” Erwin nodded as she left, Levi didn’t even look at her. Petra shut the door behind her, walked a few paces forward, then stopped and waited. She smiled as she counted: five, four, three…

The door creaked open, and Levi slipped through.

“Oi,” he whispered. She turned to find him searching the stairway, looking out hawkishly in case anyone were coming up. Satisfied they were alone, he slid an arm around her waist and kissed her lips. Petra folded into his embrace, her cheeks tingling again, though not from cold. “Sorry. I wanted to be right with you,” he whispered, lips tracing hers as he spoke. Petra kissed him over and over.

“It’s all right. It’s what it is.”

“I’ll try to get away before eight.”

“All right.” Petra mentally scratched out a stop she’d been planning to the butcher’s. As a reward, the king had given her three gold pieces, and she’d been ready to use one of them to purchase a pair of nice filets for a celebratory dinner. Well, now she’d have to wait on that. Oh well. At least the other surprise would keep. “But don’t waste too much energy,” she murmured, and nipped at his lower lip. “I want to exhaust you myself.” Levi tensed in her arms.

“Don’t get cute. I don’t want to go in there with a hard on. Erwin’ll get the wrong idea.”

She giggled, nuzzled him, and headed down the stairs. “I’ll see you at home,” she said brightly.

_Home._ What an incredible word.

 

Petra lit a few candles as the last streaks of sunlight faded, and the window revealed a slate gray sky. The room’s rosy glow was a beautiful contrast against the dark outside world, and Petra stood in the center of her new home and looked around approvingly. It was small, but it was very good.

First, the bed. Mike had built it without Levi even having to ask. In fact, Levi had been puzzled when Mike would leave directly after meetings between squad leaders. When he’d discovered Mike with Gelgar and a few of the others taking measurements in this room, and when they’d shown him their workshop out in the stables, it had been one of the few, nearly insane moments when Petra wondered if he might cry. Of course he hadn’t, but she could’ve sworn he rubbed his eyes a few too many times.

Every member of the Corps, even Erwin, had a narrow bed. Just enough to fit one body; just what was functional. But Mike had built them a queen sized frame, and to top it off all of the squad leaders had pooled in their resources and gotten them a halfway decent mattress. The bed was riotously comfortable.

_“Everyone must really like you,” Levi said to her, arms around her waist, staring at the bed like it was some kind of beautiful monster. “Why else’d they go to trouble like this?”_

_“Because they_ love _you,” Petra replied. She kissed his cheek and felt the heat of his flushed skin._

Petra smoothed the quilt and fluffed the pillows. She sat down on the mattress, sank comfortably upon the lush expanse of down feathers. She looked to their little washing stand—which Levi had wanted in particular—and their table. Atop the table sat a little white vase, blue flowers painted upon it. Petra always loved seeing it. It always made her smile, even laugh.

_“You want a vase?” Levi asked as they picked over the market, hand in hand on a rare Saturday off. They were using at least two of their gold coins on furnishings just for them. A little something to make their domestic life cozier, more personal. Petra had already found good curtains and a small rug. She looked at the jugs and vases on display in the merchant’s stall and shrugged._

_“Maybe. Flowers can be pretty.” She continued looking at candlesticks, but Levi wouldn’t take his eyes off the vases._

_“Just want to make sure you have everything you like,” he said. Petra forced herself not to giggle. He was like a horse nudging its rider, trying to force a carrot from his hand._

_“You know, I think I’d love a vase.” Petra plucked the one with blue flowers from the shelf. Levi didn’t lose his grim expression, but he visibly perked up._

_“Yeah. That’s the one I thought you’d like.”_

Today there was a single red rose, probably cut from a hothouse. Could’ve cost a penny, maybe more. Petra smiled and sniffed it. She got the feeling that in the spring and summer, Levi would keep this little vase filled with flowers. Something about the underground had given him a love for things that bloomed in the sun.

Petra grinned as she knelt and slid a parcel out from under the bed. She untied the string and opened the brown paper, revealing her last little surprise. This had come from Nifa—well, Nifa’s father more like. Petra could never have afforded something like this on her own.

Nifa had insisted. “You’ve both had a bad start,” her friend had said matter of factly. “You need to enjoy yourselves.”

Well. Petra certainly hoped Levi would enjoy _this_.

As she changed, slipping the garment over her head and adjusting it, her skin tingled as she thought of his hands and lips on every inch of her again. After their reunion two weeks ago, they could’ve resumed their…well, their fun right away. In fact, they’d tried to. But there had been an unforeseen complication…

_“Don’t stop,” she whispered, groaning with him on top of her. He kissed her jawline, her throat. He murmured her name, but he also didn’t take things as far as she wanted him to. Frustrating, because he’d been the one to suggest this, to hurry her to his room. What was the hold up? Petra wriggled under him, fumbling with his buttons. Levi grunted as she all but rolled him over onto his back. He gripped her waist but didn’t move her, didn’t stop her but didn’t grow more animated. Petra had to take charge, it seemed. Her hands were unbuckling his pants, pulling them down. And she was…well, almost hurt when she found him less than ready. “It’s okay. Let me help.”_

_She bent down to put her mouth to him, and…_

_“No.” He said it like being kicked. Petra all but fell off the bed in surprise as he hoisted himself back up, as he pulled his pants back up. He looked down at the floor, face crimson with shame, eyes flinty and unyielding. “Sorry. Sorry.”_

_“Don’t be sorry.” She nestled up to him, laid her cheek on his shoulder. “What is it?” She didn’t want to say the woman’s name, but she had to. “Sofia?”_

_“Yes. Not like… I’m not upset she’s dead. It’s what happened back in her… This is so fucking stupid.” He snorted, annoyed with himself. “I’m a fucking man. This shit’s not supposed to be a problem.”_

_“Wait a minute. Slow down.” Petra took his face into her hands. “What’s not supposed to be a problem?”_

_And so he told her in fits and starts. He told her about not being able to get hard when Sofia wanted him to get hard, Sofia’s mouth on him, him saying no, her not stopping. By the time Levi was done, Petra was practically in tears. She could only kiss his cheek over and over, whisper that it was all right, that it wasn’t his fault, that he could feel any way he wanted about it. By the time Levi was done, they were lying casually on his bed, her leg hooked over his. It wasn’t sexual, it was pure companionship. But already, she could feel the tension leaving his body._

_“Why would you think you needed to be over it already?” Petra asked, nuzzling his ear._

_“Tch. Men and women don’t feel the same way about things like this.”_

_She propped herself up on an elbow. “And who gave you_ that _idea?” Silence. “Does his name start with a K?”_

_More silence._

_“I see your point,” Levi drawled, holding her close._

Since then, the rehabilitation had been slow, but wonderful. She’d fallen asleep in his arms that night, gently running her fingers through his hair, massaging the back of his neck. He’d gone boneless, all but purring in rapture. When Petra woke in the morning, the bed had been empty of him: she was never going to be the cure for his insomnia. But he looked more relaxed as he came to wish her good morning.

Over these last two weeks, they’d learned how it meant to anticipate. To go a little further each time they were together, savoring the build up. They had kissed, and touched, and slowly the fire had rekindled. Levi had said yesterday that since she had the all clear from the doctor, tonight would be something quite special.

Hence, the garment.

Even if it was a little chilly.

Petra perked up as she heard the clock in the courtyard chime eight. She heard footsteps in the hall outside, and tried to drape herself casually across the bed. Her new room was very large, located all the way at the eastern end of the barracks. The only other thing this way was a large broom closet, which Levi had much appreciated. Petra held her breath as the boots stopped outside her door…

And she heard the squeak of the broom closet’s hinges. Apparently someone needed a mop. The door closed, and she heard them shuffle away. Wrestling disappointment, Petra still propped herself on an elbow and gazed at the door in come-hither anticipation. Any minute now, he would appear.

After five minutes, she sat up to give her elbow a rest.

After ten minutes, she started to get really cold, and burrowed under the covers. She wouldn’t fall asleep. She was too keyed up.

After thirty minutes, her eyelids were starting to droop.

Petra snorted awake as the bells outside chimed ten o’clock. She sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes, and sighed. Oh, damn. Levi was probably going to end up coming back here at midnight to find the candles guttering and her tangled up in the blankets wearing…

Well, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.

_You’d think the commander could let us have one night_ , she grumbled in her own head. But of course, that was unfair. The Survey Corps wasn’t the type of organization to ever slack off, and Commander Smith wasn’t that type of man, either. Petra wasn’t concerned that the commander was trying to steal Levi. After all, he’d brought the two of them back together. But this waiting was exhausting.

“I’ll change and try again tomorrow,” Petra said. Sighing, she got out from under the covers…and heard boots stop outside the door as she was standing in the center of the room.

Petra froze like a thief caught in the act as Levi opened the door and staggered in. He was rubbing his eyes, shaking his head as he shouldered the door closed and starting slipping off his coat.

“Sorry. Zackley sent a message about rejecting plans for an expansion east of Calaneth. Erwin’s been trying to—”

He finally looked at her, and stopped speaking.

Petra hoped he liked it. The negligee was pink satin, only a slip of a thing that ended just at the center of her thighs. The thin straps were edged in lace, as was the sweetheart neckline. Petra shyly looked down at her body, noting that her nipples were visibly beading from the cold air. This wasn’t how she’d wanted him to see her. She’d wanted romantic candlelight, and a coy smile on her lips. At the very least, she was certain her hair was mussed from sleep. Honestly, Levi might just wonder what kind of awkward girl he’d come home to.

“It’s all right,” she said, looking up.

He was shedding clothes as quickly as possible, an almost fanatic light in his eyes. He’d thrown his coat to the floor. His cravat was crumpled atop it, and he all but ripped the buttons from his shirt in an attempt to get naked as quickly as possible. He’d never been untidy like this before. The sight of her had broken even that part of him, for one brief moment. Petra gave a choking, delighted laugh.

“Don’t move,” he snapped. Levi unbuckled his belt and tore off his pants, tossing them to the floor in a ball. His boots lay on the other side of the room, kicked off in a frenzy. “Don’t do anything. Stay right there.”

Petra bit her lip as she glanced down and saw that this time he was more than ready for her.

Fully nude, he strode over to her and embraced her. His mouth was demanding on hers, his hands running up and down her back, fingers digging into the satin expanse of her body. Petra moaned.

“Don’t take this off,” Levi whispered, kissing her again as he played with her breasts. Petra whimpered as he pinched her nipple through the fabric, twisting it.

“The bed,” she said, knees trembling as he kissed her pulse point, as she gripped the back of his head. Almost seven weeks without him like this. How had she survived?

“Not yet.”

He hustled her across the room. Petra gasped when her back met the wall, and Levi lifted her leg high, up to his hip level. They stood there, breathing together, gazing at one another. For a moment, she could see the ripple of anxiety go through him, through his eyes. That horrible bitch, Sofia. What she’d done to him…

Then his lips met hers again, and they were together. All the ghosts were gone.

Petra cried out as he entered her, sliding in slowly. He filled her, and she dug her fingernails into his shoulders as he grunted, thrusting in as far as he could go. He pressed his cheek against hers. His breath moved her hair.

“Hold on,” he said. Petra obeyed, clinging to him as he thrust harder, faster, as she was pinned to the wall by his body and could hear their lovemaking echoing throughout the room. He rubbed her high, his cock just grazing the apex of her thighs. She kissed his neck, tasting the beginning of his sweat as he hissed. His hips pistoned harder, and she clenched as tight as she could around him. He cried out as she did it, and his pacing began to grow erratic. “Oh. Fuck me. Ah,” he whispered, nipping at her shoulder.

Petra held him tight and looked at the room as they fucked. Their curtains were closed at this hour of the night. Their candles, five of them, were burning low in their brass holders. The single red rose in their little vase was a vibrant color in this otherwise tidy domestic corner. Her books were on a shelf; his teacups were on the top. A tiny shaving mirror rested on a tack above a chair, their wash basin and rags beneath it. Levi’s shaving kit was neatly placed to the side.

It was their home. And their fucking, talking, fighting, laughing and working would take place within these walls. Tonight was just the beginning, and would last as long as she did.

Petra closed her eyes and gasped as that throbbing spot of pleasure began, as it formed a bright color in her mind’s eye. Mmm. She kissed his forehead.

“Stop,” she gasped, and he stopped at once. Levi looked at her with those flat gray eyes, a burning curiosity in them.

“You hurt?” he grunted.

“No. But I don’t want Mike’s present to go to waste.” She pushed him off, shepherded him backwards. He sat down on the bed hard, and she straddled him. Levi kissed her breasts, licked and sucked at them through the satin. His hands could not stop roaming all over her body, caressing her ass and her hips. He moaned in satisfaction at the feel of her negligee, and Petra giggled. “Nifa said you’d like it. Men go crazy for soft things.”

“Remind me to promote Nifa to my second in command,” he whispered, kissing her between her breasts. Petra reached down, adjusted him, and then slid him back inside of her. While he busied himself with her breasts and thrust up, she rode him. Petra clasped the back of Levi’s head, let him bury himself against her, and closed her eyes. She rode fast, the slap of their sex echoing in the room, mingling with Levi’s escalating moans. Once again, she felt him rubbing her perfectly. Once again, the energy was building at her core, the concentration of ecstasy budding between her thighs. Petra gasped, clenched her teeth, felt her abdomen grow heavy, felt how wet she was.

Until her last day, this was all for her. And she would never take it for granted.

Petra called his name as she shook with her orgasm. She crashed against him and let him catch her, the world spinning around and around as he flipped her onto her back and laid her out on the bed. Petra watched him through half-lidded eyes as he gazed down upon her with predatory tenderness, a real contradiction. His hand caressed her face, cupped her cheek. His body was hard and ready, and Petra sighed as he filled her again. He wasn’t done just yet.

“I could get used to this,” he growled, rocking back and forth inside of her. Petra hooked her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. Their noses brushed. She listened to the springs creak with his every thrust. “Finding you in nothing but this when I come home.”

“I think you’d get tired of the same old thing after a while,” she said coyly. They both smiled, because they both knew that was a goddamn lie. If Levi came home every night for the rest of his life to find her like this, he’d be only too happy. He kissed her, their tongues clashed. Petra hummed to feel him work inside of her. She felt him fully at home. She nuzzled his cheek, whispered his name over and over as Levi rushed towards his own climax. Sweat shone in his hair, and on his upper lip. His brow creased as though he were in agony, his eyes closed, his teeth were bared. For Levi, pleasure would always ape pain in appearance. But not in sensation, at least.

“I love you,” Petra said as he thrust fully inside of her, spending in her body. Levi lifted his face to the ceiling and gave a long, satisfying wail. He didn’t tend to make noise during sex—he was no exhibitionist—but it had been such a long time. And there had been so much to unburden himself of.

“Petra. Petra. I love you. Fuck.” He breathed heavily as he lay on top of her. She kissed his sweat-slicked shoulder, felt the racing of his heart. She looked up at the ceiling and felt satisfied that he’d finished inside of her. Petra was now taking daily herbal remedies to prevent conception. It made clean up far less of a burden. She could simply enjoy the experience. Levi’s cheek nestled against hers. His breath slowed. “I’m sorry I was so damn tired tonight,” he grunted. She scoffed.

“What? You were wonderful.”

“Sweet.” He kissed her chin. “But I’m fucking exhausted. Goddamn Erwin. Next time, it’ll be better.”

That was always his way. Next time would be better, he wouldn’t disappoint. Next time, he’d be so perfect no one would leave. Petra kissed the tip of his nose.

“This time, it couldn’t be better.”

Levi’s expression did not soften, but his lips parted gently.

“You,” he muttered, and kissed her.

“Do you think you have another round in you?” she whispered against his mouth. He grunted.

“Baby, I’m not _that_ tired.” Even though he stifled a yawn as he rolled off of her and laid on his back. Already he was growing flaccid, but with just a little stimulation…

Oh!

“Wait. I forgot the last surprise. Hold on.”

“I’m holding.” His mouth quirked. “What’ve you got?”

Petra hurried to her coat, slipping a parcel from its pocket. She’d found the perfect chain, and had wanted for the moment to be just right.

She slipped the topaz around her neck, pulled her hair out of the chain, adjusted it so that the fiery pendant hung right between her breasts. She’d wanted to make love to him wearing his present. She turned, knowing that the candlelight was winking in the jewel’s facets.

“Well?” she asked demurely.

Levi was laid out on the bed dead asleep, his jaw hanging open. Petra stared, and then burst into a snorting, giggling fit. Levi made a noise, grunted, frowned, mumbled nonsense and then went back to sleep. His chest rose and fell evenly. The stoicism had dissolved. He looked downright peaceful.

Even happy.

Petra tsked as she blew out all the candles but one, then slipped out of the negligee and hung it over the back of a chair. Naked, she pulled down the blankets and slid into bed beside her lover. She kept the topaz on, though. Blowing out the last candle, she nestled down to face Levi, the jewel resting between their bare chests. He grumbled, sounding sleepily threatening as she kissed him.

“Good night. I love you,” she said.

Levi reached out and snatched her around the waist, pulling her close. Petra gave a gasping laugh; he’d pulled her breasts against his face, and mumbled some much happier sounding nonsense as he nuzzled them. Petra eased his grip enough to slide down so that their faces were touching. She wrapped her arms around him in turn. Levi truly felt dead to the world. For a man of many nightmares, he was lodged in a pleasant slumber now.

“I bet you’ll still be sleeping when I wake up,” she said.

Levi did not respond. He only held her tighter as she closed her eyes.

When the pale gold of morning arrived, she was still in his arms.

***

It was a cave of light. Kenny had lived much of his life in caves, but they’d been full of shit and grime and darkness. Darkness most of all. He’d always felt more at home in the dark, preferred it to all this cleanness. All this light. You could see everything.

He wasn’t a fan.

But the king wanted a meeting, and what the king wanted he got. Rod Reiss, the little shit. He wasn’t half the king his brother had been. If Kenny’d had his way, he’d have left the Reiss shithead long ago. Heh, actually he’d have stuffed the man’s skull full of shit, which was only what he deserved.

But Kenny had his dreams. And those dreams were worth a little ass kissing. A little biding his time.

“Oi, king. Yah called?”

Kenny had come out to the Reiss family chapel, walked through that trap door and down into a bright hell. The crystal pillars shimmered, their light hurting his eyes. Kenny had trailed the crystalline halls until he got to the, er, presentation room.

The room with the raised platform, and the chains. Where one Reiss family member passed the power of the titans to another.

Where Uri had died.

The sight of those manacles always sent Kenny into a momentary fit of dizziness. The urge to get his hands on Rod and wring his fat little neck would overtake Kenny.

_Why?_ he wanted to ask. _Why’d you make him take on the burden? He was your younger brother._

Then again, maybe Kenny wasn’t one to talk where younger siblings were concerned.

But enough drudging on about the past. He was here now, under the chapel, meeting with the king of the walls.

“Hello, Kenny,” Rod Reiss said. He had his hands in his pockets, looked like any other mild-mannered middle aged man. Portly, jowly, short as fucking hell. But he had those incredible Reiss family eyes, same as Uri’s had been. As Frieda’s. Giant, wide, blue as the sky. As the crystals in this cavern. Something about the pure beauty of those eyes in Rod Reiss’s smug face made Kenny extra murderous.

“Pretty sure I know why yah called. So. Brought yah the thing to see.”

Kenny handed over the gear. ODM, sure, but modified. Guns attached. A piece of equipment designed to hunt people, not titans.

Rod Reiss looked over the modified ODM, fingering the switches and hooks, lingering over the barrels of the guns.

“I certainly hope it’s been modeled correctly,” the king said. “After the best specimens.”

“Yeah.” Kenny grinned crookedly, scratched his forehead. “Yeah, I had your engineers there when Levi showed up. They got a real good look at the midget in action.”

Organic, that’s how Kenny had wanted to stage Levi’s attack. He’d wanted to get a glimpse of the kid in battle up close. The royal engineers had watched the exact degrees of the angles on his turns, his preferred heights, how fast and how low he went. They’d calculated his somersaults, turned those calculations into schematics, those schematics into modified ODM. Levi had taken the bait, come to get the gold—and the girl—and in the process he had unknowingly given Kenny and Rod Reiss the perfect means of knowing exactly how he moved. How to anticipate him. How to take him down.

Whenever the Survey Corps stepped out of line, Kenny’s own first interior squad could demolish them with ease.

Kenny had never quite understood why Rod Reiss felt so threatened by Erwin Smith and his lackeys, but the man wasn’t paranoid. Kenny’d give him that. What he feared was usually rooted in reality. Probably had something to do with the titan that slept in the Reiss family bloodline.

Kenny didn’t much care about how the Reisses had come to have this power, or why the world was the way it was. He was focused on his own experience of the world, didn’t have time for anyone else’s.

“This is impressive work.” Rod handed the equipment back. Kenny felt the weird impulse to wipe the metal where the king had touched it. “Far less impressive was that incident in Mitras.”

Reiss’s blue eyes turned icier than usual. Kenny was unfazed.

“Oi, yah know how it is. These things get outta control.”

“You didn’t inform us, Kenny.”

“I was trapped in the quarantine zone. Couldn’t have gotten a mouse’s shit outta there with a message, much less my whole damn self.”

“And when the quarantine ended?”

“Look, Leviathan’s gone. The Red Hand’s under my control, which means it’s under our control. You rule the underground, king, s’well as the walls. Tch. Thought yah’d be pleased. Guess there’s no time to celebrate when yer royalty.”

“I didn’t want Erwin Smith and that mangy little captain of his this close to the first interior squad. If they’d discovered I’d had you take the gold—”

“I don’t squeal. You should know that.” Kenny was deadly serious. Squealing was lower than shit in his eyes.

“—take that gold simply to observe strategies that would enable us to better kill them when the time came… And then there’s the matter of getting that girl involved.” Reiss’s eyes gleamed with an avaricious light, even though sex wasn’t on his mind at the moment. Whenever a pretty woman was around, Rod stiffened in more ways than one. Kenny curled his lip. Even he’d never wish such a fate on Petra Ral.

“The girl’s the captain’s pressure point. Like Erwin Smith. Yah can use it in future, if yah need it.”

Rod pursed his lips, and nodded. “All right. I’ll expect you to begin training with the new gear in short order. Thank you, Kenny.” Reiss handed back the ODM.

“Oi, thanks, yet. Real nice show of gratitude, yer majesty.” Gold would’ve been better. Kenny continued to scrutinize Rod Reiss. Maybe it was the lack of payment. Maybe it was the words mangy and little directed at Levi. Reiss might be a soft powderpuff of a man, but he sure as shit couldn’t go flinging the word ‘little’ at someone. He didn’t have the right.

Kenny thought of that four-year-old little boy slumped against the wall of a dark room in a brothel.

That made him think of another child, a little girl with blonde hair. She’d been clutching a book, watching when Kenny slit her whore mother’s throat.

“Heard any news? ‘Bout yer daughter?”

Kenny liked calling Historia—sorry, Christa—Reiss’s daughter. It always made Rod flinch.

_“To think I have another niece,” Uri said, gazing out at the ducks on the lake. “And to think I can’t even acknowledge her.” He sighed. “Rod expects his wife to sit quietly while he takes off with that woman every night, and he doesn’t even see his own child.”_

_“Pretty sweet deal,” Kenny said, scratching his chin. “Yah get all the stability of a lovin’ wife and the spice of a mistress. Plus a kid yah don’t have to raise.”_

_“Kenny.” Uri said his name with patience, and sadness, and affection._

“No. I haven’t heard anything of her,” Rod said flatly.

“She’s in the 104th, last I heard. Word is she might make top ten of the class.” Kenny whistled through his teeth. “Who knows? That happens, she could choose to come to the capital. Maybe we’d meet up again.” He gave a wicked chuckle. “I’m sure she’d remember me after all this time.”

Kenny had watched the little girl’s face as he slit her mother’s throat. The girl had been more stunned than saddened. Kenny liked that, for some reason.

“You don’t need to keep tabs on her,” Reiss said bluntly.

“Eh. Feel the need, I suppose.”

Kenny had taken the girl’s mother, rat though the woman had been. In a way, he felt tied to the girl. Connected to her fate. Same way he’d connected himself to Levi’s long ago.

Levi.

“Kenny. Don’t. Is that understood?”

And in that moment Kenny wondered if it wouldn’t be better simply to break Rod Reiss into pieces and walk out of this cave with the rest of his life ahead of him. No more grand plans or schemes, no more secret squads, no more titans. Just a life of…not knowing. Not trying. Not having to listen to this fucking loser talk.

What a great idea. But one he’d never act on. For better or worse, Kenny Ackerman had come too damn far down this path. He had to go all the way.

_Finally found stability, Kuchel. You’d be proud._

“Understood, king.” Kenny clicked his tongue. “Guess I’ll head back to Mitras.”

“Good. Let me know when training with the new equipment begins.” Rod Reiss turned his back on Kenny and looked at his cavern of light. Where his family’d met their gruesome end.

Somehow the man could calmly walk the perimeter of a place where that had happened. Even Kenny thought that was a little fucked up.

He walked back through the light and emerged into darkness. The chapel had its shuttered windows and lightless candles. By the open doorway, Traute stood erect and waiting. She didn’t react when Kenny appeared. She never did, one way or the other.

“Did it go well?”

“Yeah, no thanks to you.” Kenny grumbled as they headed back out into the sunshine. The snow was already melting beneath his boots, but it was too damn cold. “He’s givin’ me shit about not stoppin’ that Sofia brat from goin’ so far. Tch. Couldn’t be helped.”

“Yes, sir.”

Traute’s delivery was always so bland he couldn’t tell if she meant every word or was secretly rolling her eyes at him. Traute Carven was one of the few on this planet who could get away with that action. She’d earned the right to survive it.

Levi Ackerman had done the same.

Kenny hadn’t been able to help it. He’d gone to Trost a few days earlier, hidden himself in shadow as was his nature. And he’d seen them together, Levi and Petra. They’d been walking down the street in civvies, a rare day off. She’d had her arm through his, her hand in his coat pocket for warmth. He’d stopped at a street corner looking to cross, and they’d kissed. It’d been a casual gesture, unthinking and seamless. The midget still had his cold gray eyes and unsmiling lips, but Kenny could read the boy’s body language after all this time. His every movement had been ecstatic.

He was happy.

Fuck. Kenny looked up at the bright sky now and remembered that small boy trapped in the inky blackness of the underground. He thought then of the man who rode through cheering crowds and slew titans. The man who had a girl who walked arm in arm with him and loved him.

_He’s mine_ , Kenny thought. But in his gut he knew it was only half right. The man who walked through worshipful crowds? That was Kenny’s.

The one who let his lover slide a hand into his pocket, and radiated contentment? That was Kuchel’s.

_Couldn’t get you all the way outta him, Chel._

If his little sister were with him right now, Kenny knew she’d be laughing and telling him she’d won. Tch. Brat.

But Kenny had beat Levi, and scared him, hurt him and humiliated him. He’d whipped the little shithead into shape so he could survive.

And the first night he’d taken the kid home, after he’d scrubbed the dirt from his cheeks with a rag and given him a clean shirt to sleep in, he’d sat next to the mattress and watched the little boy doze. He’d watched his sister sleeping in the child’s face.

And Kenny had loved the kid more than he had ever loved anything. More than Kuchel. More even than Uri.

That love, that had driven Kenny’s fists and vile words.

Many wouldn’t get it. Probably they’d be right not to. But it was Kenny’s love, and only Levi Ackerman would ever know it.

_He hates me now. Doesn’t need me anymore._

Kenny grinned. Good. ‘Bout fucking time. Next time they met, one of them would probably die. Kenny would be thrilled to discover who it would be.

“Captain? Should we head back?” Traute asked, snapping him out of his reverie.

“Oi, why not? Should start gettin’ dark soon, and we’ve got a bunch of maggots to whip into proper shape.”

Sounded good. Sounded just right.

Kenny Ackerman turned his face to the sun, and enjoyed his day.

 

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's commented on this story. It's really meant the world to me. You're all incredible. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Technically, this is a sequel to For Levi, Born at Midwinter, but I'm trying to write it in such a way that you can read it as a standalone. If you want some background on the ball and what happened there, though, check out the first story!
> 
> I will do my best to update regularly, but work is really pushing me right now. I make no promises, but I'll try!


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